Rape Thread
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Let's talk about our rapes and how they made us feel.
>mfw your dad would rape you all the time when you were little but he started to ignore you as you got older
Did he get tired of me? I feel abandoned, I don't know why.
>>27332565
That's my fetish.
Fathers raping their sons I mean.
I've never been raped though.
Time for me to go to /pol/
>>27332607
I was literally raped by my father and there's nothing funny about it.
>>27332649
I didn't say it was funny, I said it was my fetish.
I like reading shota incest rape furry doujins
>>27332649
How does it feel knowing you lost your virginity to daddy instead of someone special? Why haven't you killed yourself yet, fucking whore?
I knew a kid over the internet who was raped by his dad when he was young. Really fucked up kid. He was also really pretentious.
>>27332680
my daddy is someone special you cuckface
>tfw your daddy wont rape you anymore because you're big now
>>27332565
You should have been more aggressive, then you would see some action with him ;)
Also, this is my fetish.(daughter father only, no gay shit)
>>27332565
You realize anons are fapping to this right?
>>27332565
>>>/tumblr/
>implying you weren't the one raping your poor father
>>27332710
You must feel proud, whore.
Was his enormous pp tasty at least?
>>27332673
Im there with you anon, minus the furry
>That feel when your parents didn't beat, rape, or molest you
>>27332887
You would have turned out better if they did, imho.
>>27332899
>Being raped/molested is actually something normal
>Robots are people who were left selfishly unmolested by their parents, and so were left sexually unprepared
tfw no daughter to rape
>>27332565
Do you really feel that way?
You feel sad that your father wasn't raping you anymore as you got older?
So did you try and get his attention more as you got older?
>>27332932
Worse than people who skipped out on penis inspection day.
>>27332851
The trick to trolling in cases like this is to be subtle.
Make her think your interested in her story, non judgemental, then throw causal ego breaking comments among whatever else you were saying.
>"Wow! Your strong, I'd be really fucked up"
What your doing is to obvious.
>>27332887
>>27332899
>>27332932
Unmolested wizard to be robot neet reporting.
There could indeed be a pattern to this.
i was molested as a kid and now i want a boyfriend with yellow fever to rape me and beat me and exploit the fact im mentally ill and murder me. i think about this everyday. when will it come true
>>27333157
this is oddly specific
why yellow fever?
by the way I laughed out loud when I first read this
>>27333157
Where you at dragon girl? There's a lot of Asian girls out there but I can give you a couple weeks.
I technically raped an escort. She was boring and really low energy. I put more lube on my knob, held her down, forced my dick into her ass and fucked her hard. When I was about to finish I took it out, took condom off and came in her beautiful blonde hair.
She was whimpering, asking me to stop and squirming but too bad for her I am 6'2 and she was 5'5.
Thing is, she just laid there when I was dressing, she was still face down when I left the flat but it didn't bother me at all. In fact I went from there straight to lunch with a girl who eventually became my gf of 3 years.
>>27332940
Yeah...In a weird way I do wish he still raped me, at least he pretended to love me back then..
>>27332940
Not OP and I know it's a troll thread but yeah as someone who actually had this happen it does leave you with weird feelings. It's scary as first but eventually I got used to it and I saw that as his 'love' and when he wouldn't molest me I'd secretly be sad because I thought he didn't love me. Around when I was 14 he stopped entirely and I felt like shit, I was super depressed because I felt like it was the only thing I had to offer, it made me feel worthless.
>>27333504
Yes. You girls confuse it with love, and the best troll is based in truth. I've known chicks that ended up like you that were homeless and hypersexual.
>>27333504
You are worthless
>tfw no one ever liked me enough to rape me
literal trash
>>27333330
Why are you here? Do you also enjoy giving harmful advice here?
>>27332565
its a miracle that you didnt got transexual. fucking freaks, i hope they get all murdered.
>>27333909
It's simple really, I have nothing to do all day. I think this board is really boring and also pretty silly but all the other boards are either slower or just too niche. I don't give advice.
>>27333504
I talked to a girl who was molested by her uncle. She was sweet but it did seem to confuse her about relationships. Then again, a lot of people seem to be that way regardless of abuse. I actually miss her.
>>27334019
It is confusing, I know people who also had this happen to them. I think what really affects the mind is how young you were when it happened and how violent the rape/molestation is. My father was violent at first but later on he was very gentle even if it was forced. I guess that's why I still crave his love, because he made me feel like he wasn't just taking advantage of me but that he loved me, in reality though I know that's not true
I want a fucked up girlbot that has some odd fetishes due to the rape.
Yes yes yes.
I wish I had an emotionally co-dependent yandere-tier fembot gf since I'm almost as fucked up. Would make me feel wanted. Wouldn't mind them having going through all my shit. I want to obsess over someone as much as they obsess over me.
>>27334111
So you still crave his attention now?
You are female, right?
>>27334592
Crave might have been a bad word to use, I wish he loved me, I wish but I don't crave. At least right now, when I get really down I'll call him and annoy him but I've learned he doesn't care and never will so I'm trying to get past it. I obviously have daddy issues but at least im self aware so im not completely destructive
>>27334680
This is the same thing with me but my oldest brother. He would pretend to be my friend and brother for personal gain, this included stealing my drugs to get high, trying to make jokes or abuse me when I was high for his own entertainment (not jokingly, literally trying to make me lose my shit), part of me still wishes I could joke around with him like I used to and I don't respond to his bids (emotional requests) but every now and then I chuckle.
I don't want to be near him or want him in my life. Occasional phone calls would be dry, I would be curt. I'm just forced to live with him for now since I moved back in for a few months. He's been leeching my parents for years now.
>>27334680
It's incredible how even though he molested you, and clearly abused you, you still wish for his love and attention.
It's just testament to how pivotal parents are in a child's mental development
It makes me very apprehensive to ever become a father.
>>27335007
Well he knew what he was doing, he did everything so I would crave him. He WANTED me to have Stockholm syndrome and I know I have it and I just can't help it even if I know I can't it that what he did worked and I love him. It's not healthy though so I've tried cutting him out of my life recently, I try to tell myself that this is my decision but in reality he doesn't want me at all anymore and this is just me trying not to waste my energy trying to get his attention. I don't think id be as fucked up if he just cared about me. I don't care about what he did, I just wish he actually loved me, even if it's pathetic
>>27335100
>I don't care about what he did, I just wish he actually loved me, even if it's pathetic
I know those feels, fucking kill me.
>>27335129
The less he cares the more I care, it fucking sucks, even if he didn't love me I wish he'd at least acknowledge me.
>>27335204
Yeah, humans are basically retarded and whoever invented "feelings" needs to be punished.
>>27335100
>>I don't care about what he did, I just wish he actually loved me, even if it's pathetic
This shit makes me sad.
I'm guessing you go out with guys who treat you badly and are indifferent to you, right?
I can see how you would try and substitute your dad's love for your partner's.
>>27335274
Nope, I've only had one bf and I'm still with him, been together for more than two years, almost 3. In a way you could say we met on this site. He treats me well but I have issues accepting being treated well because I don't feel like I should be. I have massive self esteem issues and I think I deserve bad things to happen to me, to put it lightly.
>>27335488
That's a really fucked up situation to be in.
If it was a trivial problem, I'd say talk it out with your dad, but your dad literally sexually abused you.
Thats not something you can just overlook, you can't tell him how you feel in that way. He's lost that right to be able to talk to you in that way.
As you said, I would just try and cut all contact. He is clearly a mentally ill person, and shouldn't have even been a father in the first place
>>27336172
That's what my friend says, but it's not that easy. Like I said, it feels like stockholm syndrome, I just know he's fucked up and what happened was fucked up but I grew up with that, and I grew to love it and him, and him not loving me just confuses me. I dunno, it's all very confusing, but nothing unheard of. It's a good thing he doesn't care though, otherwise I'd still be his sex slave and I'd be perfectly happy with that. It's better for me that he doesn't care so I don't have to deal with him, even though my heart wants it
>>27336582
That's hot as fuck. Did he fuck you in the ass and made you swallow too?
>>27332565
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e81j4l9LG7k
>mfw this threadDon't get triggered now
>>27336582
>otherwise I'd still be his sex slave and I'd be perfectly happy with that
that's really not healthy.
why don't you visit a therapist to talk about these feelings of yours?
it's extremely unhealthy to just accept the things you just said, and keep them dormant inside of you for the rest of your life.
please, I would visit some sort of therapist
>>27336582
Can I ask how old you are too?
This seems like something awful to be carrying with you your entire life
>>27337674
I've visited many therapists, been a part of the mental health system for a long time (For other reasons too, not just what happened with my father) and nothing helps too much. Talking about just doesn't seem to help, I dunno
>>27337691
I'm 22, last time I had a sexual experience with my father I was either 14 or 15
>>27337588
>after this scene she goes and nearly an heros on drugz in his bathroom
>bawling and everything
>>27337852
What kinds of things did he do to you? Did you turn out slutty?
>tfw fantasies about holding down a 14 year old girl and raping her
I'm gonna kill myself sooner or later
>>27337852
What exactly did he do to you? And how?
>>27333330
you have a very vivid fantasy life, bro
if anyone forgot, we're on /r9k/
>>27338184
Damn, that's kinda a personal question. I know I'm talking about something that's very personal anyway, but I've tried to keep it vague.I'm not going to say everything, because it very personal
It really depends on the time period, he started molesting me when I was 11, and at first it started out with him just making me shower with him and sometimes he'd reach in my panties and...you know. Att hat age you know it's wrong and perverted but it wasn't full sex at that point, i'd just say things like 'dad stop that' and I couldn't do much else. It got worse though pretty fast, within just weeks of touching and feeling he wanted to have sex with me. It was very violent at first, it was legit rape where he caught me by surprise in our own home and pinned me down. After that I was scared of him and what he'd do so when he wanted to rape me he'd tie my arms around a punching bag he had in the basement so I couldn't move my arms because they were behind me. When I was around 13 or so, after a few years of this, I wouldn't 'kick' or resist so he'd just do it anywhere in the house he wanted. I actually thought growing up that him not chaining me up like a fucking dog meant he loved me so after he stopped chaining me up, I actually fell deeply in love with him.
>>27338647
why didn't you tell someone?
your mother?
another family member?
so he didn't molest you at all until age 11?
>>27338647
How did this affect you school life?
And your life in general at the time.
Did you think this kind of sexual behaviour from your father was fairly normal?
>>27338647
If you could go back in time and tell yourself at 11 years old one thing, what would it be?
>>27338758
It would be "Enjoy it while it lasts."
>>27332887
>and you still turned out fucked up
I have no one to blame but myself.
>>27338710
Mother died, and I had no other family. My mother and father loved each other but their parents disapproved of their young love so they ran away, many states away. I've never met my grand parents or aunts or uncles or whatever. And yes, he didn't molest me until I was 11 because before 11, my mother was alive. It was only after she died that he began to change for the worse.
>>27338742
School life, I dunno. I was always depressed, and I have mental problems unrelated to my father's mess so I can't say how much of it is his fault or not. I would go to school everyday but when I showed up I would get shy and hide somewhere on campus and wait the day out. I only would actually attend 3 or so days a week of school, I didn't have any friends and I wasn't very smart so going in class would always stress me out, I blame myself more for the problems I had at school than father.
>>27338758
I would tell her that he doesn't love her and never will, and as sad as doing that would be, maybe my younger self would never hurt the way I do now. Maybe she would find the courage one day to stand up for herself and not be taken advantage of.
>>27338905
Would you consider yourself attractive, honestly?
>>27338905
Moreover, would you say you were an attractive young girl at age 11 onwards?
>>27338905
Hey, I'm glad your bf treats you well.
Treat him as well as he treats you. You obviously can never change what happened, but at least you can live the rest of your life with a loving partner.
>>27339001
No. I don't think I'm ugly (Ugly as in, when people see me they're disgusted), but I'm definitely not attractive, I'd say below average. I think a big part of that is my poor hygiene. When I actually take care of myself I think I look alright though. But yes, I think I was a cute kid, just my opinion though. I think all kids are cute though, I can't recall a kid that wasn't deformed I'd say wasn't cute.
>>27338647
B-b-boner N-no!
>>27338647
was he big? could you take him all the way?
Requesting a statistical analysis of the probability that OP is telling the truth.
I know it's kind of fucked up but a girl who was raped is a horrible fucking gf.
Because of their traumatic experience, they're desensitized to any type of emotion other than their own, they literally do not give a shit about your feelings
They always have problems, suffer depression, always sick, and as soon as they see someone new they fucking drop you fast as fuck without a semblance of compassion for you.
It just happened to me, my ex gf was raped as a kid and she cheated on me basically and she dumped me so quick and was totally devoid of all feelings for me when I told her how sad I was. Two days before she dumped me she said she loved me. Love is nothing to them. They say it is, they say they love you and shit but they are only in it for the quick satisfaction. I hope that's not the case for everyone but I've heard stories from all my friends who have dated victims and they all say the same thing.
>>27339234
Probability that OP is telling the truth: 0%
>>27339078
Thanks, I wish I could say I was over it but I'm not. I always feel bad because I'm in a relationship but I still have feelings for my father. I feel like a piece of shit for that but I'm doing my best to put it behind me, but it eats at me all the time. It's hard to describe unless you were in a similar situation. I just feel all the time that I was made to love him and be his slave and it's wrong that I'm not. I know that doesn't make sense to others but I guess it's not a logical feeling.
>>27339215
Aren't you just so cheeky, anything is big to an 11 year old girl dumbass
>>27333157
>>27333205
>>27333263
Sic troll
>>27339292
Try being honest with your bf about what happened with your father and your feelings about it/him.
Bottling it up inside will only push your bf away over time. He will probably understand.
Good bait.
Smh
>>27339292
Your dad is scum. You're lucky your mom lived as long as she did... imagine what would have happened if he wasn't around when you were really little. Turn him in, or else you will be a victim forever.
>>27332565
>faggot who likes incestuous raped
>weabshit
not even surprised
>>27339402
He's known for quite a long time. I kept it a secret when we first got together because I thought I was finally over it, but when I found I still had those feelings, I told him. He's been very understanding but him and a friend of mine both want me to turn him in, and even if I could, I dunno if I should. I mean, it's disgusting, but I love him, the things that happened to me hurt but that's just how he showed his love.
>>27339458
Why are the people who complain about weebshit always white trash? That's what I wanna know
>>27339292
Have you ever talked to him about it? him molesting you?
>>27339528
Well you're a weak person, what do you want from us? You know what you have to do. Everything else is just whining and procrastinating. We can throw a pity party for you, but that won't make the problem go away.
>>27339580
Lol I never asked for help, I'm simply talking about it and sharing what happened.
>>27339601
Okay. Well, carry on cucking your boyfriend and craving rapist dick, then, I guess. Good luck facing it on your own.
>>27339529
>whitetrash
Im not the one who wants his fathers cock you projecting buttflustered weabtard
>>27339664
>tfw I cucked my dad
>>27339692
oh you let your uncle use you like a fleshlight too ?
>>27339601
idk about legal system where u are but could you actually prosecute him? it happened like 8 years ago according to your story
>>27339732
A friend told me it's like 10 years? I'm not sure, and I also don't have evidence it happened, although there was videos and pictures taken I don't own any of those. I think it's a waste of time but people around me pressure me to.
>>27339720
Zing.
That dadgobbler sure got told.
>>27339770
did he force you to perform oral sex?
>>27339770
What? he recorded it?
did he have someone else record it or was it by himself? it would be easier to prosecute if you have evidpence of cp
>>27339918
Not all the time but sometimes, as I said earlier I'm not going to talk about everything that happened but yes sometimes he would record or take pictures and I'm not going to get into it but I'm not in possession of any of that
>>27339965
ok but do u have any reason why he stopped at 14?
was he thinking you might fight back or you were old enough to live independantly
>>27340027
At around 14 I was put in the mental health system after a failed suicide attempt. I'd live in various psych wards for the following years.
>>27339774
stay a sad salty bitch faggot
Post yourself from the neck down, OP. We wanna see what the big deal was all about
>>27340122
then why the fuck are you saying when he stopped and you felt sad for him not raping you anymore?
did you expect him to come ''visit'' you in your cell?
>>27340122
Is your father even attractive?
I would find it hard to see how you still have "feelings" for him if he's a fat old man
>>27340203
Well, before I left he stopped. Not stopped, but stopped doing it less.
>>27340317
Not very attractive, but not ugly. I'd say he was above average though.
>>27339580
How would turning him in "solve the problem" of events that have already happened? Perhaps a faint sense of resolution may come of it? Statute of limitation also exists.
>>27340387
Hopefully this isn't too personal, but how active were you in the sex at the age of 13 onward? Did you ever initiate or do things like dress cute for him during that time, and did sex ever involve you riding him (taking a dominant position)?
Finally, have you asked your boyfriend to roleplay an abusive relationship when in bed? It could be good for your relationship if you were to turn your desire for abuse into something healthy with your bf.
>>27340387
If you were omniscient how much would you ruin your dad's life? Forgive him, kill him, send him to prison to get raped, etc?
>>27332565
All my rapes felt good, I mean for me not to my victims, most were drugged anyway only one was a violent rape, I've fucked men and woman
>>27341058
>I've fucked men
dick move man. not cool
>>27341040
*omniscent obviously meaning omnipotent
>>27340999
When I was 13 that was when I was really in love with him, I was pretty crazy during that moment of my life and I basically did anything to get his attention. I didn't 'dress cute' but I'd cuddle with him and try to sit on his lap when he was doing things, I was like a really annoying puppy and I was never in a dominant position, my father was always in charge
As for my own relationship, im trying to move past all my past abuse and just focus on us. I dont think itd be healthy to try something like that, I want him to know I love him for him and im not simply replacing my father with him, and that I actually value the special relationship we have instead of turning it into something else.
>>27341040
I honestly don't know. My dream is that actually none of this all happened and that my mother was alive and he was in love with her and just have a functioning family. If I couldn't have that, I'd wish that my father at least felt the pain he caused me, if just for a moment, then he could live happy. I don't wish him harm.
I'm a guy and I constantly fantasize about being held captive and regularly beaten and raped by a girl I like. I want to become malnourished and weak so there's no chance of fighting back. Over time she'll develop feelings for me, and in turn she will take care of me and nurse me back to health. Then we'll start a family.
>>27341306
Do you think you'd make the same decision about some stranger instead of your father?
>>27338647
Holy fuck this has got me scared
I try to be real close with my little sister, she's 9 now, she won't get the wrong idea when she's older, right? I'm not scared of getting caught, I'd die for my sister, I'm more concerned with her developing some psychological thing, I want her to be normal unlike her fucking failure of an older brother sitting on /r9k/ with no idea on how to be a good brother
>>27339965
Fuck, maybe that guy posted them somewhere.
For all we know you could be cat goddess or something, if so that's even more of a reason to go after him legally, especially if some based anons can prove it's out there
Although that'd mean posession for those anons, fuck no idea how this'd work
>>27341471
I'm indeifferent to strangers unless they have hurt me in some way. If you're asking if some stranger raped me like he did, than I would not treat them the same. We had a loving relationship outside of the molestation, or so I'd like to think. In actuality I loved him and pretended he loved me back but I'll never be able to 100% admit it, I do think he loved me a little bit, he had to
>>27341485
You're being kinda vague on what you do with your sister. Whatever you're doing with her, just make sure she knows you love her.
>>27341608
>than I would not treat them the same
what would you do to the stranger?
>>27335007
>testament to how pivotal parents are in a child's mental development
That's how all females work, dr. phil
My friend's uncle raped me and I never said anything.
My friend recently tried to kill herself because he had been raping her.
Now I can't say anything because it'll sound like I'm trying to copy her.
She's getting rape support and all the shrinks and a carer and a house.
I work in constant fear that someone is gonna touch me.
I'm just saving little bits of money up so that when I've got enough to give to my partner to find him a new, smaller place that he can afford to live in alone, I can kill myself.
>>27332649
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A9SWgJOTL4
>>27341691
I don't give a shit about some random stranger taking advantage of some little girl, fuck that hypothetical person. But my father and I...well that's different, sometimes he'd kiss me and say he loved me, I think a part of him loved me and I loved him too.
>>27341777
dont do it man. can you also get to a support group?
>>27341870
Not some little girl, you. I'm wondering what your baseline for vengeance is compared to how lenient you are with him.
>>27341608
Trust me I do, I made the mistake of bullying my other sister and now she's real distant. She's got a brother complex, she always has, which I think may be an issue. It started with regular kid stuff and I kept pushing her further and further away, people said (not to her thank fuck) that brothers and sisters should act distant and everything, like the shit you see on shows. As we got older we got distant and now that I'm coming to my senses I'm trying to take care of both my sisters, which is repairing my connection with my one younger sister, trying to use that brother complex to get her to be open, and I'm just trying to be closer with my other younger sister. When I said not scared of getting caught I mean, while I don't want this, I'm not scared of someone getting the wrong idea. As long as they both know I love them and they can love me, any way they want, I'm fine. My sisters are pretty much everything and I'm glad I realized that, honestly want to die the minute I know they're good in life. I just don't want either of them ending up psychologically fucked up because of something I did/am doing, which is why I'm always worried about this shit
Sorry for going on it's just not every day you can really talk to someone in your position, as sad as yours is, don't take it as being rude when I say I don't want them to end up as someone like you
>>27341906
Literally, as long as you're not doing anything sexual with your sister, it's absolutely fine.
You shouldn't be worried about it if you're not molesting her, touching her in inappropriate places for your sexual gratificatione.t.c
>>27341777
Hey that's messed up, even if you keep it secret from some people you dhould definitely seek therapy and try to confide in someone close, even if you keep it secret to others.
>>27341902
What I'd do to someone if they raped me, id be completely opposite. I wish they'd die a painful death while being afraid, afraid like how it is when you're raped. I know that sounds edgy, and it is, but rape is a serious deal to me. I just let my father off because mentally im stuck in the past
>>27341889
Work offered to pay for me to have a private therapist and drop the one I already had (for unrelated reason). Dropped therapist and work suddenly went silent. So I'm now without any access to support and the place I was at before won't take me back on because I self-discharged in the last 6 months.
>this thread
feels bad man
>>27342010
I guess that makes me feel a bit better, thank you
>>27341906
I'm not insulted, I open up for a reason. One, because talking about it does help a small bit. But two, because I want people to know how fucked up my situation was so maybe they wont make the mistakes I did or my father did or maybe there are people like me and knowing I feel their pain may help them. I think as long as you're not molesting them you're fine, you sound like a good brother and good person. Don't care what people think, just focus on your relationships with them
>>27342016
>she won't go replace her daddy
>she probably never will
>she won't get over the rapes either
>this will make her forever alone
We accept her one of us!
>>27342016
Would you let him fuck you again if he wanted?
>>27342193
Stop speaking for robots, normie. Especially since you lack reading comprehension and didn't see that she has a bf.
>>27342240
>implying that it will last
>implying that her love for her father is not stronger
>implying she'll keep giving love a chance
We accept her one of us!
>>27342200
I actually had the opportunity to last October. I visited him for the first time in many years and he asked if I needed him to be sexually satisfied. I told him I'm dedicated to my relationship and didn't need him. I refused once (sorta) i could again.
>>27332649
>THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER
>posts pic of loli getting assaulted
please please please please please fuck off. you just want attention. and not for comfort... you just want robots to either fawn over you or jack off at your story when in reality it didnt happen.
you make it worse for all of us. for once i just want someone to want to protect me because they're ACTUALLY sad it happened, not because they see me as a fetish or think i'll be kinkier for being raped.
>>27342169
Thank you, this makes me feel a lot better.honestly, some story I don't ever tell is when I was 8. I had a neighbor, she was 9, my grandfather introduced us when she and her family moved in. We became friends and started experimenting. Yeah, doctor and all that, but it did go further. She taught me French kissing, I fingered her a few times, and we fucked once and nearly once in front of another friend of ours. She would kind of abuse me, I didn't understand it though, I was only 8. I remember going home crying because she hit my head with a rock on accident I think, she said 'holy shit I'm so sorry'. She taught me a lot an 8 year old shouldn't have known, and this continued until she moved. Never really told anyone about this because A. who the fuck would believe that, and B. even if they did, why should I complain, I lost it at 8. It's not like that though and I have no idea why, why the fuck don't I think like that? I didn't dislike doing it with her, but it messed up my perception of everything ever since. It's almost haunting, really. Being older I wonder now what her problem was, I know her parents were split up and her older sister's boyfriend lived with them, but I also can't help but think about my sister, especially at her age. By then I knew so much, and honestly at times I feel like I'm attracted to her. It's fucking awful and the day I act upon those desires I'm killing myself, I don't want this and when I say I don't want her to end up like me I mean this shit, no beating around the bush. Honestly I am truly scared, I will never, ever act upon those desires, I love her as a sister, I will never want to hurt her but I want want to forget about what happened to me so I can just be a fucking normal person. I shouldn't be fucked from that, it was kids being kids, but I don't know why I am. I'm sorry to you to, I'm just fucking scum I should have said it earlier, when I say I want to die after I know they're safe I really do
>Be 5'4 manlet 20 year old me
>be bicurious guy with daddy issues (no he didn't rape or touch me)
>get craving for a gay experience
>message 47 year old 6'2 guy on craigslist
>seems non sketch
>go over
>he has a nice condo
>nervous
>he seems ok
>we talk
>start making out
>not into it
>he's shoving his tongue down my throat
>kinda just laying there on the bed letting his tongue probe my mouth
>horniness gone
>asks whats wrong
>tell him i'm not really feeling it
>he gets mad
>get up
>he grabs me
>wraps arm around my throat
>says he'll choke me out and fuck me anyways
>applies a bit of pressure
>get scared
>reluctantly agree
>shamefully undress
>pretty much subjected to a full night of bareback rape
>of course he touches me while doing it so body reacts with an erection
>mocks me for it
>try to resist but he makes me cum
>cums in me
>takes a picture of me laying there
>tells me I must have loved it
>cry
>go home
>few days later dad finds my email convo with the guy and beats me and kicks me out
>have no friends or other family
>guy says he'll take me in
>Been living with him for two years
>tfw eventually got the Stockholm
>now feel love for him
And that's how rape broke me into falling in love with my rapist
>>27342047
complain to the management more. hopefully you can get the new therapist
>>27342473
I think deep down the reason my father raped me is because mother was gone and he saw mother in me. I think you see that girl in your sister, but you can't make that mistake. Your sister isn't her, your sister is pure and innocent and you should protect that because as someone who had their innocence taken away there isn't a day I wish I still had it. You can still love her, like a brother. I think you being worried shows how much you care. You're a good brother
>>27342354
How did you feel when he said that? And how do you think you'd feel if he was more direct, and actually told you he needed you? From your posts you sound like you'r still holding onto delusions of your father's love and I worry about it'd only take him responding in kind to throw you back into that unhealthy position again. And by worry, I mean it turns me on greatly to think about, of course
>>27342591
*isn't a day I wish I didn't have it
Bad timing to forget to type that
>>27342473
It's not a crime to have some sexual desires for your sister. Sometimes thoughts pop into literally EVERYONE'S head that are fucked up, depraved and if anyone heard them, they'd be horrified.
The difference between everyone else and criminal child molestors, is that they act upon these abnormal desires and thoughts.
You said yourself that you will never act on them. And that's the only, and most important thing.
You clearly care about your sisters, especially your younger one. Just be a good, caring and loving brother, and don't act upon these occasional desires of yours
>>27342473
I believe you. When I was 7, my babysitter's 6 year old would pin me down and grind against me for hours. Eventually he fucked me. He hit me if I tried to get away, and he said if I ever tried to tell anyone he'd really hurt me.
Eventually his mum caught him on top of me. Told my parents that I was "playing doctor" with him. No one dealt with, or knew the reality of what actually happened.
When we did sex ed at school a few years later, they taught us that erections happened when boys hit puberty. It made me think that even if I'd told anyone what he was actually doing, they'd think I was lying. A 6 year old couldn't possibly get an erection.
>>27342583
>Been living with him for two years
Of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most.
>>27342676
Don't underestimate the poer of Stockholm Syndrome
>>27342620
Lol, I texted him February saying if he didn't say he loved me I'd kill myself. He didn't respond so I did try, I (fortunately or unfortunately) chickened out but was still put in a psych ward for a month, only recently got out. I check my messages and he did eventually respond, he said i needed to move on and that our relationship was just temporary. He doesn't care about me. I don't want to fuck him, I want his love. I don't care if im 22, I want him to be the father he never was for once and go out together and do father daughter stuff vut hes never going to hes never going to love me he just loves hurting me im his only child and im a failure so he hates me
>>27342646
>erections don't happen until puberty
So many of those teachers were retarded.
>the 90s they'd say condoms don't work
SIGH.filetype
>>27342646
>erections only happen at puberty
What kind of fucking retarded sex ed are you getting?
I have a 3 year old son and he gets erections all the time for no reason. I would have to guess that the 6 year old learned what his erections meant somehow, acted on it, it felt good. Then, doing what all shitty kids do, immediately attempted to go full tilt with no regards to his own or anyone else's safety or feelings.
>>27342591
>>27342626
I understand, I want my sister to retain that innocence for as long as possible. Like I said I want her to be normal. In regards to that girl, I'm kind of conflicted. Part of me wants that innocence back, I could have even ended up good, but then again maybe it was for the better I didn't, maybe it made me more aware or something like that, hell maybe it's even why I'm so interested in psychology, but I'll never know the other side. Thank you though for giving me your input, it's very few times in life where you'll get genuine input from someone, especially one in an understanding situation. Even if it is over the internet it's still nice to see it.
Just wondering, but when you said no family you meant out where you were it was just you and your parents, right?
>>27342644
I guess you're right, this stuff does happen to everyone, whatever the thought may be. As much as I hate it I guess I'll just have to come to terms with it being a regular part of my thought process.
>>27342646
It's weird to hear about people with similar experiences. I never really thought about this, but sex ed was nothing new to me. By the time I hit that grade I had already known about this stuff for a while, I felt nothing towards it and to some that may be sad. Also, in regards to telling no one, I always told myself that some things are just better left unsaid, but thinking about it now, some things are just good to get off your chest. Also these teachers are idiots and still are
>>27342798
>>27342801
Sex Ed UK circa. 1997/1998ish.
Still never told anyone and it was almost 22 years ago now.
>>27342870
Yeah, just my mom my dad and me. My grandparents live far away and I don't know their names and they live in NYC so I'll never track them down even if I wanted to. Only family I have now is father. And being molested, well it's helped me realize a few things but id still want to be normal if I could
>>27342761
This February? That's pretty recent.. How did your boyfriend take it?
Maybe he's being distant towards you now out of love for you and a desire to see you move on after the abuse. Another reason why I think getting your boyfriend involved somehow would help.
Hope you get through this; your story hits the right sexy spots for me but I really feel for your situation..
>>27342991
Yeah, bf is used to my drama although I try to keep it contained. It was really a culmination of things and I got so frustrated with life I decided to talk to my father and him not replying really messed with me. It's not too late for him to be a good dad, I'll let him in my life if he wanted to fix things
>>27342946
I'm in an almost similar situation, out here it's just my parents, sisters, and me. I do have family in North Jersey, but my dad's side doesn't interact with each other, and mom is from out west so we're alone here. My parents also work so it's really just my sisters and I
>>27343050
>It's not too late for him to be a good dad
Are you fucking retarded? If you still have thoughts like this, you're never going to get over it.
>>27343050
The guy is a sociopath. He is never going to love anyone. He just isn't capable. The sooner you learn to accept that, the easier it will be for you do make peace with yourself and move on in life.
>tfw she was 3 years younger than you but you were scared to fight back
>tfw if you did anything resembling resistance she could claim that you actually raped her
>tfw you had to let her beat you until you were bloody and crying for her amusement
>tfw for some reason it was the best time of your life and you'll never have it back
>tfw now you're a trap just to please her but she doesn't know
>>27343050
> It's not too late for him to be a good dad, I'll let him in my life if he wanted to fix things
holy shit I feel so sorry for your bf for having such a delusional and damaged fucktoy
>>27343050
>It's not too late for him to be a good dad, I'll let him in my life if he wanted to fix things
Your wounds really are that deep, it looks. You clearly understand that it won't happen but want it anyway. That's good nonetheless, at least there's some type of self conflict going on
>>27343107
>>27343147
>>27343175
There's nothing stopping him from apologizing. I'm not asking for a lot, just for him to say he is sorry and that he loves me for me and not because he loves hurting me. That will never happen but i can dream
>>27343284
You know it will never happen. And he knows that not doing it is stopping you from being able to love yourself. Don't give him that power.
>>27342473
That's a surprise fucking warehouse full of boxes.
The only reason you're fucked up is because you fucked yourself up by listening to all the shame your culture puts on it.
>so many people falling for obvious bait this thread
>>27343284
>will never happen
>can dream
WHY. Just stop it. Drop it completely, since you know it is never going to happen. And it truly isn't. The only situation where he might be kind to you is when he cares so little that it truly makes no difference at all to him what he says to you. A complete meaningless lie.
>>27343603
>trying to out-logic emotions post after post after post after post after
robots never learn. You're more sad than she is.
>>27333431
>In a weird way I do wish he still raped me, at least he pretended to love me back then.
That is genuinely sad. I am sorry that that is your life.
I wish my mom would have raped me when I was younger. Nowadays I want to rape her.
>>27343689
Eh, it's mostly because I have the same emotions and I'm trying to convince myself through repetition.
>>27343603
What if im wrong and he changes? I have no family, I love him I just wish he was a better man. With me he was a rapist pedophile, but without me maybe he's something else, maybe s good person. Maybe he'll learn to transition that and fix his errors
>>27343806
With you he was a rapist paedophile.
Without you he is a rapist paedophile.
The difference is that without you he has no victim.
I agree with your bf. Turn this guy in before he hurts another little girl.
>>27343806
>With me he was a rapist pedophile, but without me maybe he's something else
No. This isn't about you. You're not to blame for your abuse: he is the abuser and the victimizer, plain and simple. You can't take this onto yourself even if you want to for some twisted reason. I'm sorry, but you get the parents you get and there's no changing it. You have to let it go and move on with your life.
>>27343799
You can't. You'll have to live with it forever, or, as the mental health racket says, "use coping techniques." Usually combined with a side of happy pills.
Try telling things that you've actually done that have actually worked.
>>27338524
>>27333909
Actually this rings true for me. I used to see escorts while I was dating a girl I really liked.
I used to be a robot but then I started being able to get laid but I still hate women
I'm a guy so it's maybe a bit different from other people?
When I was 12, I was raped by 2 girls who were maybe 18 in a motel restroom. It got me real fucked up for a while, I didn't really feel sad, but more so... Just nothing. Over the years however, it's made me pretty untrusting and a natural robot I suppose.
When I went through puberty, there came a period when I just had a lot of mindless sex with nobody special. It didn't even necessarily make me feel good, again, just nothing.
I've been on antidepressants for a year and have gotten much better. Although I wish I'd never been born
I yearn for love. Even platonic
>>27342417
Nagisa is a boy
soemtimes I fantasize about being raped
I just wish I was desirable enough for someone to rape
what an awful fucking thought
>>27344084
Glad I stopped reading ass class now.
>>27344148
i hope you're at least a female.
otherwise you are just a failure at life having that desire as a male
>>27344176
It's for one scene when they need to sneak past some guards and the girls don't feel safe by themselves.
Keep reading anon, this manga is the best shit I've read all year
>>27344037
>>27344037
<3 you
bend over faggot
>>27344249
>you are just a failure at life
I'm aware
it's nice to feel wanted though, by anyone, for anything
>>27344148
Does your rapist have to be attractive, hygienic, smart, or not-fat? If not th-then maybe I could be your rapist, bb
>>27344250
What volume is it up to now?
>>27333157
>a boyfriend with yellow fever to rape me and beat me and exploit the fact im mentally ill and murder me
You're on the right board, then
This is really sad to read OP.
On hand you deserve that happened to you because you are a woman, but on the other hand you shouldn't suffer as well. Such a tough decision.
>>27344297
No idea, manga apps sources doesn't say volume. I'm on chapter 178 though, it's almost over, I think 6 chapters left.
>>27344084
???
wut
is that the loli in the picture or something
>>27344687
No. A boy dressed as a girl because the group of girls he was with needed him to trick someone and they were scared they were alone
Also his friend (guy with phone) thought it'd be funny
Is it rape if I never fight back and still let it happen almost daily
>>27344713
either fucking way why is that the image to post when trying to get someone to take you seriously about rape being a horrible thing
>>27344747
Yes. Yes it most certainly is. Intimidation and fear are as much weapons as violence.
>>27344945
Maybe because he knows there's a difference?
And it's cute as well.
There could also be the option that OP is a ruseman. I mean. This is the Internet, this is 4chan, this is /b/ 2.0
>>27344747
are you female or male?
original comment
