ITT: reading, writing, recommending, THE GLORIOUS GET GOT GOT! Dead tree editions for fun and profit in the post-Brexit economy, perfect incorruptible head-canon vs. lazy inconsistent show-canon, anatomy of a Spike-fic, oh my God those fics on FimFic, RealityCheck flounces, this post is worth $50.00, actual helpful story critique, oh my God those comments on those fics on FimFic, road trip to Quebec, EqD and the iron fist of show vs. tell, and warfics... warfics never change.
Tired of Gary Stu McGarystu, Prince of all the Alicorns? Growing weary of self-insert-fic #1059370? Well, we've compiled the best of the worst in order to bring you our absolute average!
>FIMFiction Starter Kit (recommended fics):
Winners:
http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png
List of nominees by category:
http://mlp-fanfics.herokuapp.com/
>How do I write fanfiction?
Ezn’s guide - http://eznguide.neocities.org/
Politics and the English Language - http://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - http://pastebin.com/g4VpEg4f
Setting a story in motion - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufO8LbwTdu0 [Embed]
>Can you pre-read my story?
Post it on Google Docs with inline comments enabled and give us a link. Someone will take a look at it eventually.
>Reviews and riffs:
http://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmom
>Voiceguy's readings:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt68MpmvEketmqOdHncHI2w
Old thread: >>27755127
futaspoon get?
>>27791591
It's over, Anon.
We've already been blessed by the filly with the big willy.
Thread sure is dead on arrival.
I don't believe any of you guys have anything to do on a Friday night.
>>27791919
honestly, I've found myself writing a surprising amount. Given how much I normally do work on my fanfictions.
But I think that's partially because I've broken past "the boring part to write" in my opinion.
I'm doing a sort of 'peggy sue' fic where the peggy sue in question (Spike) doesn't WANT to change the past but fucks up pretty badly at not doing that (not to mention there's the one who sent him back and is using him as an anchor point) because of fallible memory and a dozen other factors, and this basically means by the time Nightmare Moon appeared, things are have taken a pretty hard swerve.
>>27791943
>(not to mention there's the one who sent him back and is using him as an anchor point)
Hey, I remember that.
Jeez, you talked about that a long time ago. Glad to know you didn't drop that.
>>27791982
yep, Dragonfly Effect is on FiM right now and craptacular as you might expect.
I will say Spike feels very mood-swingy and mostly mopey. Problem is, it's hard to imagine him NOT feeling like that, because on one hand, if he changes the past too much, people he loved dearly won't ever even exist. On the other hand, he has a gift no one else has ever had: another chance to enjoy the time with the people he loved.
In the current chapter I'm writing and for the next few chapters, I do want to bring some more of the good and slice of life moments into the picture. (including working out in my head a chapter where Princess Luna offers Spike her services as his personal servant to apologize for costing him his arm as Nightmare Moon)
>>27792045
Consider it tracked.
I'll give it a read once I'm done with uni next week,
[Pt. 1]
>>27784835
Like I said, they're vague hints, but hints none the less.
>been more rapid promotions than him
Who? I can't think of any from the show. Spitfire appears to have always been Captain of the Wonderbolts during the show, there's no real information on Flash Sentry or his rank, and everyone else is literally who.
>>27784885
>studies for years at premium school
>is princess's personal student
>element of magic
>has played a critical role saving Equestria several times
I suppose putting her in a cushy government post would have added a little bureaucracy to her portfolio, but that's still very impressive and not all that sudden.
>>27785358
Sure.
>>27785888
My jimmies have been jammed by a couple. Mortal (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/95424/mortal) glossed over the Who Wants to Live Forever? issues in favor of a "happy" ending--all while the author tried to portray it as some kind of philosophical fight in the comment section.
Duel Nature (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/31925/duel-nature) caused the worst fanfic justice system rustling I've had with it's nepotism and horrid law.
Tough Love: Luna vs. Celestia (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/30426/tough-love-luna-vs-celestia) had a shitty grimdark ending because Aegis Shield can't make up his mind on how he wants to end one of his stories.
And, of course, Romance Reports (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/1422/romance-reports) for making me endure chapter after chapter of unwanted Twilee clop for Twiluna that would never come.
>>27786165
>science fantasy genre
Pony sci-fi's pretty hard to do given the establsihed tech level. The main problem of warfics is that authors rarely put time into thinking about the premise. They just want Equestria at war and they don't care about the implications (supplying an intercontinental invasion, international retaliation for invading the country that keeps the sun/moon going, battle tactics, proper tech use, etc.) of it.
[Pt. 2]
>>27786206
It's important to know what'll happen in the story (the premise, characters, major plot events, ending). You don't need to know every single thing, but the more planning you do, the better off you'll be as you're more likely to catch potential issues before you've wasted three hours writing something that'll have to be cut out.
>>27786256
>what warfic fans like
Personally, I like politics, diplomacy, not stupid strategies, acknowledgement of the scale and magnitude of what's going on, no guns, practical weapons and fighting, variety of locations, and good characterization.
>>27787109
I just hope you put some thought into the evil empire and the ramifications it would have, both internally and internationally.
>>27787357
There was that spoopy Apple Bloom one (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/38072/the-name-game).
>>27789581
I would say no. Fimfiction overtook them and never looked back. It's okay for the "I made it onto EQD" ego stroking, but it barely effects a fic's readership these days.
For instance, here's some non-Fimfiction featured stories that have been on EQD recently:
(http://www.fimfiction.net/story/320477/carousel)
(http://www.fimfiction.net/story/313729/rise-of-the-solar-wind)
(http://www.fimfiction.net/story/324428/alicornae-the-legend-of-starlit-sky)Carousel's fantastic btw. 9/10.
>>27792300
I agree that Duel Nature has a downright terrible first four chapters.
Which is a damned shame, since the rest of the fic is actually quite enjoyable, and there could have been many other ways for Twilight to end as Luna's personal bodyguard.
page 10 yo
>>27792308
>no guns
Do you mean no guns as in full auto M16s or like no guns as in not even pic related?
>>27793322
No guns, point. Magic is so ridiculously cheap and overpowered there's no use for guns, except for possible artillery batteries. Cannons are canon after all.
>>27793322
>>27793331
Even if you were to add them like this, how the fuck do they even aim and fire with their wings?
>>27793331
>everyone can use magic
>>27793339
According to EQP, the guns are fitted with a triggerless firing mechanism by means of electric current in the butt-plate and grip loop.
So I guess they hook one hoof into the grip loop, then channel some lighting into the gun to fire it.
>>27793361
>triggerless firing mechanism
>channel some lighting into the gun to fire it
Hey, that actually kind of makes sense!
>>27793361
>A third of your population can be trained to use magic
>But no, let's spend time developing a new complex weapon requiring maintenance, ammunition, factories, training and which can jam at any time
>by means of electric current in the butt-plate and grip loop.
>then channel some lighting into the gun to fire it.
So, they need to use magic? What's the difference with a spell then?
You'd need batteries and accumulators if you're intending it for use with all ponies, which is the reason electrical ignition is only used in large weapons (KwK-36 88mm gun, M61 Vulcan Gatling Gun).
Even if they do manage to fire it, how do they absorb the recoil and stabilize the gun when aiming?
>>27793382
>So, they need to use magic?
Lightning = weather. It's for pegasi.
>>27793385
But pegasi manipulate clouds, not the elements. They push them around, but there has been absolutely no canon for them actually creating thunder. Heck, to make rain, they just pile rain clouds together and let the magic happen.
>>27793322
>pic related?
what the fuck is that and why cant you faggots just drop this retarded shit?
electricity is good and bathing is also good. but that doesnt mean that combining the two is a good idea
>>27793382
The two in that picture were both Pegasi, so I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that those weapons were configured so that Pegasi can use them easily. I'm also going to assume that all Pegasi in that universe have some latent ability to control lighting.
>>27793405
>all Pegasi in that universe have some latent ability to control lighting.
If you're to introduce guns, why even create an inexistent special talent for pegasi instead of relying on magic and large artillery pieces?
>>27793405
>>27793417
Some stuff from MLP wiki:
>http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Pegasi
>ainbow Dash creates thunder and lightning by violently punching or bucking clouds in Griffon the Brush Off and Luna Eclipsed, to prank ponies. Derpy triggers thunder and lightning in The Last Roundup. In Tanks for the Memories, Rainbow Dash visits the weather factory, which holds lightning bolts in jars laid about.
>which holds lightning bolts in jars laid about.
>>27793391
Oh please. We both know that if guns weren't involved, you would have no problem with the idea of pegasi channeling lightning. It's a perfectly reasonable and common headcanon, particularly in more action-oriented fics.
Look, the problem with guns is that most people who put guns in their fics do it badly. They want guns, because guns are cool, but they just give the ponies human guns. This makes no sense because ponies would never develop human guns.
This guy has at least put in the effort to think about how ponies' use of gunpowder might differ from that of humans. If he also has a good explanation for why and how those pegasus guns were invented, then there's no problem with including them in a fic.
>>27793424
>you would have no problem with the idea of pegasi channeling lightning
See >>27793420
>This guy has at least put in the effort to think about how ponies' use of gunpowder might differ from that of humans.
In a world where you have a cheap and available multipurpose force that can manipulate weather, matter and even time with some training? Why would you even need gunpowder for individual use when you have that much power laying around?
I give it to him, he thought of it, but it still doesn't make sense as long as unicorns are there. They're cheaper and more effective, but you somehow want to include guns instead.
Pegasi have mobility as their ability, much greater mobility than any other species. Why waste it on a gun they won't even be able to aim while flying, even less carry?
>>27793322
Why do you need guns in the first place? Does the whole story depend on them? If yes, then you have done something seriously wrong if your plot depends more on a weapon than on characters.
>>27793436
>In a world where you have a cheap and available multipurpose force that can manipulate weather, matter and even time with some training?
Because in EQP's universe more than half of the population has no access to weather manipulation or this multipurpose force.
And most probably want to defend them selves.
>>27793424
>We both know that if guns weren't involved, you would have no problem with the idea of pegasi channeling lightning. It's a perfectly reasonable and common headcanon, particularly in more action-oriented fics.
Nah, we've seen them kick clouds to produce lighting, but not channel lightning directly. You want to have them put a bit of cloud-stuff in the firing chamber to shoot your gun, fine (although then we're back to needing triggers.)
>>27793479
Assuming those weapons are Thunder Carbines, they might have some kind of small storm cloud compacted into the cartridge, which is trigger with whatever latent ability Pegasi have that allows them to manipulate weather.
>>27793467
>EQP's universe
and that is?
>>27793556
All that lore and junk gathered from at art EQP's put out over the years. It's not much but what's there is pretty good.
>>27793479
>Nah, we've seen them kick clouds to produce lighting, but not channel lightning directly.
That is not what I said.
>>27793420
Wouldn't catching lighting in a jar require some form of lighting manipulation?
>>27793603
I mean what the hell is eqp? its not like I keep up on every shit verse out there
>>27793634
http://equestria-prevails.deviantart.com/
An artist.
>>27791530
>this post is worth $50.0
Fucking gold.
>>27793900
That will be 99$ for those dubs sir
>>27793647
Unless he's a /k/ommando, I doubt he has thought all this gun thing through.
>>27793612
>So I guess they hook one hoof into the grip loop, then channel some lighting into the gun to fire it.
>>27793361
Sure you didn't say it m8.
Again, ponies kick clouds and stimulate them physically to induce lightning. There is literally no evidence for them channeling electricity by themselves, and I don't see why they should be able to do so simply to include guns.
>>27794047
>I don't see why they should be able to do so simply to include guns.
because clearly youre not intelligentor autisticenough to appreciate the concept that gunz r kewl. and ponees with guns are extra kewl
theres no logical rhyme or reason to it. these shitlord k pot tippers have envisioned ponies having thompsons and pistols and tiger fucking tanks and think that youre the idiot when you point out that it doesnt fit in with adorably cuddly ponies
>>27794042
He has more interesting settings and characters, so that's what I was looking at, but he happened to have an example of what I needed to show. The guns don't really matter to me.
>>27794047
We're different people m8
Jesus fuck, what is wrong with you people?
When someone comes to the thread asking for feedback on an idea:
> "Hay guise, I want to write a fic where ponies do X"
The correct answer is not the current kneejerk response:
> "NO, in canon ponies can't do X, therefore IT IS IMPOSSIBLE (and your fic is shit)"
Pro-fucking-tip, EVERY story on fimfiction features ponies doing things that they don't do in canon. If you insist on everything being 100% canon-compatible, then I suggest you GTFO and try this site instead: http://yayponies.eu
EVERY idea sounds shitty out of context. "Hey, I think Rainbow Dash should be able to literally turn herself into a bolt of lightning, so that she can fly EVEN FASTER!!" That sounds dumb as hell. But with a suitable explanation behind it, it fits perfectly fine in the context of the overall story (in this case Dangerous Business, one of the most well-regarded adventure fics in the fandom).
The right thing to do, when someone shows up with an idea, is to try and figure out what sort of explanation and context could it fit into a story. Sometimes it's relatively easy:
> pegasi manipulate weather (canon)
> trained pegasi can directly harness lightning
> pegasi can fire electric-triggered guns
Other times, it's such a major divergence from canon that the explanation gets too complicated:
> ponies don't always get along with their neighbors (canon)
> ponies go to war
> ???
> TIGER FUCKING TANKS
And in cases like those it's better to drop the idea entirely.
Worst of all are people like this dumbass: >>27794047. He saw the gun idea out of context, decided it was shit, and now that he's seen the explanation that makes it work, he's falling all over himself trying to argue that it's manifestly impossible to fit pegasus lightning control into any fic of any type.
>inb4 "you're so jimmyjammed because your idea is shit"
Not my idea. And I'm jimmyjammed because you fucking people keep shitting up the thread with your endless negativity.
>>27794567
Okay, cast apart canon, why do ponies even need guns at all? You have a third of the population as unicorns, who can give you everything guns can for cheaper and more interesting ideas, since magic is ridiculously polyvalent. Why the fuck are you trying to insert guns into a fic when there is no purpose in doing so? Does your fic depend so badly on guns that you have to create an AU just to fit them in instead of working with the fact they don't exist in canon?
> trained pegasi can directly harness lightning
For fuck's sake, you've seen it yourself. They kick clouds and the clouds produce lightning. If they had such an amazing ability to channel and harness electricity, why did no pegasi use it in the Crystal War AU?
>and now that he's seen the explanation that makes it work
Again, no, it doesn't, since pegasi do not channel lightning. They work with it by kicking clouds, they don't create lightning by magic out of their asses. If you're so desperate to fit guns in your fic that you want to go AU instead of using already present elements, there's something really wrong with your plot.
The purpose of your story is that it works and makes sense with none of its unique gimmicks. Rid Harry Potter of magic and sorcerers? It still works, it's the story of a teenager facing the world and growing up. Remove the TARDIS, aliens and Time Lords from Doctor Who? It still works, it's a guy traveling everywhere and trying to fix people's lives.
Your plot shouldn't be a way to introduce a tool, like guns. Your tool, guns, are a way to introduce a plot. If your story does not work at all without guns, unless it's about finding and developing them, it's shit. Point.
>>27794567
>when someone shows up with an idea, is to try and figure out what sort of explanation and context could it fit into a story.
That's not our job, that's whoever posted it's job. This guy just said he wanted to get guns in fics that are ignited electrically, without any explanation of where that came from. We criticize ideas, we do not expand on them for you.
This anon here. >>27793322
>>27794567
Why are you so jimmyjammed? If you don't expect this level of autism from the same people who work themselves into a frenzy over military ranks and wingblades, you really shouldn't be here.
>>27794567
>> ponies don't always get along with their neighbors (canon)
> ponies go to war
> ???
> TIGER FUCKING TANKS
More like:
>Magic is gone
>Unicorn cannot into relevant
>New weapons need to be developed to keep Equestria a world power
>Leader abdicates
>New power starts rising and endangering Equestria
>Small civil war happens
>Overseas allies are in trouble
>Tensions across border with new nations is getting impossible to manage
>War happens
Yes, the explanation for magic disappearing was utter bullshit, but I at least tried putting some thought into it instead of just saying "Let's get guns in Equestria guise"
Or maybe I did.
>>27794567
>The correct answer is not the current kneejerk response:
Its not a knee jerk response. If I see something that I like or that sounds interesting then Ill encourage it.
When someone brings up generic edgy grim warfic idea #126295 then I'm going have the exact same response that I have had for generic edgy grim warfics #1 through 126294
dont get all jimmyjammed because your idea got shit on, be jimmyjammed because your idea was shit. then clean yourself up, move on, and try thinking of something less retarded next time
>>27794673
This desu familia spagetilia mussolini
Even Bleeding listened (a bit) and wrote a decent fic. Can you?
>>27794637
Why does everyone bring up unicorn magic as a counter arguement anyway? It's not like the rest of the population can access this magic anyway.
>>27794728
A third of your population can use magic, more powerful and cheaper than guns.
Guns require factories to produce them, gunsmith to maintain them, a constant chain of spare parts, ammunition and oil to keep them useful and training to handle them.
Or you can just keep a group of unicorn fed and give them the main combat role while other species follow different roles based on abilities.
An army will never be uniform. Your question could also be turned into:
>Why does everyone bring air power as a weapon anyways? It's not like the rest of the army can access planes anyways
>Why does everyone bring tanks as a counter anyways? It's not like the rest of the non-armored groups have access to them anyways
>Why does everyone bring modern equipment as a counter anyways? It's not like all the army has access to top notch equipment anyways.
You see, an army is far from totally uniform. Combat groups like unicorn fight. Support groups like earth ponies towing carriages keeps the army alive. Recon and airborne groups like pegasi give the army eyes and the possibility to strike far away.
Fact is, not everyone can fight, and not anyone needs to.
>>27794728
It makes a bit more sense as a counter arguement if ponies are a faction all on their own and/or magic, while common, still takes time and training to use effectively offensively.
Actually, thinking about it, it seems implied even most unicorns aren't able to easily or readily become battle casters, and a bulk of their tricks are just 'lift small objects'.
>>27794637
>why do ponies even need guns at all?
Pre-unification. Pegasi need a ranged weapon vs. unicorns.
Enemy has strong anti-magic shields. Need something that fires physical projectiles beyond telekinesis range.
Unicorns are needed in the back to maintain the giant spell on the magic whatsit. Need to compensate for the reduction in ranged infantry.
>magic is ridiculously polyvalent
For fuck's sake, you've seen it yourself. They do short-range telekinesis and their special talent. If they had such an amazing ability to attack from range, why did no unicorns use it in the Crystal War AU?
>Again, no, it doesn't, since pegasi do not channel lightning.
We haven't seen pegasi channel lightning IN CANON. But in a NON CANON work of FAN FICTION it would be easy to explain, as an aspect of their innate weather magic.
>Why the fuck are you trying to insert guns into a fic when there is no purpose in doing so?
If he wants to write a fic with guns, and if he can work it into the story in a way that doesn't seem totally contrived (note: this is the part where most gun fics fail), that's good enough for me.
>>27794663
Then quit trying to pretend you're interested in giving constructive feedback.
>>27794671
Yeah sorry, I had to delete a couple lines to keep it under 2000 characters. The point is, it was too much of a stretch, getting from canon to the tanks. Not quite as bad as getting from canon to guns + battle saddles, but still too far.
>>27794673
>Its not a knee jerk response
You sure about that? Cause it seems like every time someone shows up with a questionable idea, the response is immediately "IT'S SHIT", before anyone even starts thinking about situations in which it might work.
Instead of starting off with:
>X is shit, it obviously cannot possibly work in any context
it's far more useful, and far more interesting to discuss, if you go with:
>X seems bad but it might work in a story about Y, if you address problem Z, what is your plan for that?
>>27794855
Reminder that by this logic, as well as what's presented in the show, there's no reason that unicorns shouldn't be incredibly racist and dominate the upper class to the point of a caste system.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/161159/the-mare-in-the-high-castle this story is a really good example of what I mean.
>>27794871
>and a bulk of their tricks are just 'lift small objects'.
Rarity did lift all her fabric and mannequins in her shop without any apparent difficulty. A soldier could easily just lift a spear and fight with it if he sin't the best magic user ever.
>>27794902
>Pre-unification
Where the ponies are literally medieval niggers. And how the fuck do they aim it without negating their sole advantage of mobility?
>Enemy has strong anti-magic shields
No other nation than Equestria has been shown to even use magic. Even if they had that, that's where heavy artillery comes into play. I'm not for individual handguns, but large artillery systems are fine by me.
>Unicorns are needed in the back to maintain the giant spell on the magic
Where? And might I remind you a single unicorn, ex the force's commander (Shining), can maintain a shield by himself?
>They do short-range telekinesis and their special talent
Rarity manipulating clouds in the S3 finale is short-range special talent? Her firing beams in the dream episode is telekinesis?
>why did no unicorns use it in the Crystal War AU?
Because, you know, no unicorn was there? We only saw pegasi and earth pone.
>But in a NON CANON
Again, if you're drifting from canon simply for guns, there's probably a problem in your fic. I'm okay with the fact he wants to put guns in, but does he really need to?
you're in Equestria, not earth for fuck's sake. you've got a whole world of magic and ponies to explore for unique warfare, but no, he wants to stick to lame human guns.
>>27794910
>there's no reason that unicorns shouldn't be incredibly racist and dominate the upper class to the point of a caste system.
There is.
Earth ponies are the only one who can master the ground.
Pegasi master the sky way better than unicorn.
They said it in HWE, each species needs each other, that's why they won't fight anymore. If union is more preferable than separation, why would you just oppress your own subject instead of working with them?
Plus, it's not like most of the ponies in Canterlot weren't unicorn.
>>27794953
>Laser beams are unique
Wew
>>27794902
>You sure about that? Cause it seems like every time someone shows up with a questionable idea, the response is immediately "IT'S SHIT",
well thats mostly because whenever someone turns up with an idea, most of the time its readily apparent from the start that ITS SHIT
>ponies in tanks?
its shit
>ponies with guns?
its shit
>ponies in a war?
highly likely to be shit, but withholding judgement until we see the to&e
>it's far more useful, and far more interesting to discuss, if you go with:
yeah except you people dont discuss. you pull bullshit excuses out of your ass then whine because you 'dont have enough time and space to explain it without it sounding retarded'
which is code speak for 'i thought this would be cool but havent put any actual thought into it'
>>27795015
>A seamstress in a random village knows how to use lasers
>Twilight knows how to use lasers
>Starlight knows how to use lasers
>Somehow a soldier doesn't know how to use lasers
weW
>>27794910
>shouldn't be incredibly racist and dominate the upper class to the point of a caste system.
DYEWTS you triple nigger
>>27794911
But what's he going to do about a ranged option? just lob arrows?
>>27795047
I never said a random solider wouldn't be able to do it, I was remarking that you complained about me not being unique with guns and stuff, but then give one of the most lame and overdone powers as an example of a non-lame thing unicorns could do.
>>27794953
And you can't possibly imagine a single fic using ANY of those ideas effectively?
>the force's commander (Shining), can maintain a shield by himself?
Special talent. Plus he's likely very strong for a unicorn, being related to Twilight.
>Rarity manipulating clouds in the S3 finale is short-range special talent?
Please provide more than a single example, preferably one in which the unicorn in question doesn't have a direct line to one of the fundamental forces of the universe.
>Her firing beams in the dream episode is telekinesis?
Next you'll be telling me Big Macintosh is canonically able to transform into an alicorn at will.
>Because, you know, no unicorn was there? We only saw pegasi and earth pone.
Watch it again. There's a guard unicorn kicking an enemy soldier with his hooves, dead center in one of the fights.
>drifting from canon simply for guns
EVERYTHING
DRIFTS
FROM
CANON
Particularly action-oriented stories, such as adventure and war fics. It seems like you think this is inherently bad, which it isn't. Not everything is a pure show-style SoL, and that's fine.
It only becomes a problem is when it drifts so far that it breaks suspension of disbelief. How far you can go depends on the CONTEXT (guns in a warfic? could be okay; guns in a SoL? wtf are you doin) and on having a good in-universe EXPLANATION for how it got to be this way.
>>27795037
>ponies with guns?
>its shit
This is the problem right here. Guns are ALMOST always shit, in part because few authors have a sensible way to explain how ponies use them. Then this shows up: >>27793322 >>27793361, where the explanation is actually not too much of a stretch, and it gets shit on regardless.
>yeah except you people dont discuss
Which "people" am I? Am I supposed to be an author now? Because I've never written a work of fiction in my life. I'm here to discuss interesting stories and ideas, and that's hard to do when any idea out of the ordinary gets instantly branded "irredeemably shit"
>>27795080
Artillery of course.
>>27795094
>He's likely very strong for an unicorn
>Keeping your strongest unicorn in a reserve group in the center of the country
If we take that in account, he can easily be an average or weaker commander in the EUP.
>ext you'll be telling me Big Macintosh is canonically able to transform into an alicorn at will.
Did Big Mac know what an alicorn was? Yes, that's how he became one. Rarity probably knew what a magic laser is.
>EVERYTHING
>DRIFTS
>FROM
>CANON
>fuck yuo kanon i want gunz i put gunz
>>27795037
You sound like such an unpleasant person to be around. What, did a warfic author bully you in middle school or something? Maybe people would take you seriously if you didn't constantly sound like a butthurt child.
>>27795094
Drifting from canon becomes a problem when it is totally unjustified and has no advantage for the plot. If you're drifting from canon just to be able to face your utter lack of imagination towards the pony world and magic to return to your familiar guns, it's a pretty big problem.
While we're at it, why not make them bipedal and human?
The reason no guns should exist is that there was no reason to invent them in the first place. You already have a magical force capable of doing everything a gun does and so much more, so why even bother with individual firearm?
>>27795094
>Please provide more than a single example
Trixie, the cake babies' outbursts, Starlight training for years in the middle of nowhere, all of Twilights' classmates.
>>27795123
To be fair, sniper rifles might work. Unless there's also a spell that lets you replicate a long-distance scope within your own natural sight, eliminating a target from a mile away might not be possible for the average pony without such an implement.
Plus, we have to keep in mind that most unicorns can't shoot lasers out of their horns; only a few of them can. A gun would provide the average unicorn to use his/her telekinetic powers to much the same effect as a unicorn who is talented in combative magic. And that's not even counting earth ponies and pegasi, who can't use magic at all, yet might be able to do things like load cannons and howitzers if it was engineered for them to be able to do so.
So yeah, giving Luna or Shining Armor or Twilight a gun would be retarded. But Lyra? Sure. That could work.
>>27795108
He said it rudely, but he's pretty right. You're just making excuses for guns having a place.
>B-but unicorn are irrelevant! Nevermind a random seamstress has significant magical power while being the element of generosity and not magic!
>B-but pegasi need a way to fight! Nevermind they're extremely mobile and thus not intended for grinding combat!
>B-but guns are justified!
>B-but disrupting canon for a single optional gimmick is fine! Fuck you if you think otherwise!
Go with it if you want, but we're just telling you what's wrong with it currently.
>>27795192
>Sniper rifles
In teams of spotter and gunner? I might be fine with, as long as they're given a realistic role and background. I'd still relay that role to mortar and heavy artillery though.
>A gun would provide the average unicorn to use his/her telekinetic powers to much the same effect as a unicorn who is talented in combative magic
Now that's a good canon explanation. This is putting it in perspective for the show's canon. Nice idea. You can make a comparison with China's crossbows making their militia ridiculously powerful. Seeing even Rarity's power though, I'm still inclined in showing unicorn more powerfully than you, but that we can disagree on.
>yet might be able to do things like load cannons and howitzers if it was engineered for them to be able to do so.
Earth, sure, with their strength and all. Sticking pegasi to the ground instead of using their speed and mobility seems like quite a waste though. They're about the same as scout units: Fast and small, but fragile and useless in combat.
How the fuck do you even make unicorn magic unique? It all boils down to who has the most powerful spell anyway.
I have a question: if apparently one guy's opinion is so wrong to so many people... Why not just write your fic the way you want to and include guns anyway?
I mean I plan to have guns involved in the backstory war of my fic. Even if the focus character (spike) never used them because he's a dragon. (Or a melee weapon since dragons in this fic suffer from "Beowulf Syndrome")
>>27795197
I'm not arguing 100% for guns. In fact, I'm mostly against it, if only because we don't need it in this sword&spell universe with steampunk and diselpunk elements. I did talk about how it might be plausible in >>27795192 but I still think it's mostly a shit idea.
He's talking about author ideas as a whole. Even if he weren't acting like a bawling little infant about it, I'd still disagree with him on the grounds that an idea isn't shit just because it doesn't treat canon like some holy scrit (which, let's face it, not even canon does) or appeal to his exact, specific tastes. Not every idea or every fic is for everyone.
>>27795224
Yeah, I'd just put pegasi in scout and harassment roles. Sometimes as paratroopers if they're specialized combat units. And if you put guns in your fic, they might be able to put automatic weapons on battle harnesses to attack enemy combatants without even getting close to the ground.
>>27795245
It's magic. Really, the only limit is your imagination.
>>27795257
>Why not just write your fic the way you want to and include guns anyway?
Because people who come here for validation have incredibly low self-esteem and think they need approval from strangers on 4chan to write their idea. The fact that we're mostly cynical about everything doesn't help.
>>27795275
>only limit is your imagination.
But then it gets really stupid, where the only way to up the stakes is to have more and more powerful enemies, rather than having more skillful enemies.
>>27795245
Seeing special talents and all, you could suppose some have a special spell, or even spells they created themselves for real masters.
It still seems there's some kind of conformity though, with Starlight and Twilight using the same shield and laser spells.
>>27795286
Eh, I suppose I can get that. I mean I've also hesitated to ask for a pre-reader/editor here since I've been trying to fight my general writer's block by following a friends advice and 'just writing' instead of trying to be as methodical as possible.
I will also say though in my own fic, guns didn't start as a pony thing. They developed due to an alliance with minotaurs and a shitload of other races, most of whom couldn't use magic, and started with minotaurs who traditionally would use their massive strength to cart around small cannons as personal weapons.
When that proved effective, some dragons followed in suit, which led to griffons in the alliance quickly working to minaturize cannons into a more portable for not-superstrong-races, and it eventually trickled down to ponies.
>>27795257
Because they look for feedback and not sugarcoating, unlike 99% of Fimfiction.
>>27795322
>Alliance
Why? Is there anything they agree on as an alliance seeing the gigantic race difference?
>Dragons followed
They're pretty much isolated and don't really like anyone else, so it wouldn't be the most realistic thing ever
>Griffons followed
>Every species, including ones which dislikes another or have major differences and conflicts just ally together for no other reason than to build guns
The fuck m8
>>27795310
I mean the author's imagination. That said, magic in fiction has been around for about as long as fiction, itself, so there's not even a snowball's chance in hell that your idea hasn't been thought of before no matter how creative you are.
>>27795322
Did you think about how minotaurs managed to develop gunpowder? The Chinese (who invented it) had a pretty strong alchemical tradition. Ironically enough, it was developed from their efforts to create an elixir for immortality. Minotaurs' massive size and strength would probably make them heavy shock infantry. And if they're one of those 'proud warrior race' cultures, they'd probably consider the idea of guns to be cowardly and dishonorable, on top of something that's never been done before and hasn't been proven (to them) to work.
>>27795338
Full context is Grogar The Necromancer wakes up, raises an army of the dead and starts fucking up everyone, at first they tried to fight him separately, they got their shit pushed and were forced to work together because otherwise they'd need to get used to the idea of becoming some magically dominated soul confined to a decaying husk of a body.
>>27795323
but they're not actually taking the feedback. They're constantly trying to refute and clearly show no interest in NOT using guns.
>>27795357
Oh, so edgelord shit.
No thanks.
>Forced to work together
Why didn't Equestria do anything and join in the alliance?
>>27795357
>Full context is Grogar The Necromancer wakes up, raises an army of the dead and starts fucking up everyone, at first they tried to fight him separately, they got their shit pushed and were forced to work together because otherwise they'd need to get used to the idea of becoming some magically dominated soul confined to a decaying husk of a body.
Why don't you just make that your story? That sounds more interesting than your current idea, and you wouldn't have to bend over backwards explaining how guns came to horse-world.
>>27795354
>Gunpowder
This much, I haven't quite thought of because I could have sworn cannons have been confirmed to exist in the show. Namely pinkie's party cannon, but
>Pinkie
As for how it could have developed, we know there are fireworks, from there, someone might have tried using the explosive powder from fireworks to excavate, and eventually noticed the explosions could be channeled and used to launch things.
>>27795366
Equestria was part of the alliance. They weren't in the begging because I started writing this before season five, and between what we had not seen in much of the previous seasons and season five often showing Twilight as the more internationally diplomatic of princesses, it seemed like Equestria honestly had a kind of shitty foreign relations.
>>27795375
Because it's still a war fic and I wanted to do something else. I used the war mostly to create a sort of "greatest generation," thing in pony world. So I used grogar as an enemy also to eliminate moral questions about fighting him.
The story itself is the dragonfly effect mentioned above and I had wanted to focus more on things like "is it really any one person's place to stop such things when good also came with the bad? On the flip side, would they really be obligated to sprevent it?"
>>27795433
>Equestria honestly had a kind of shitty foreign relations.
They're probably the world's superpower and thus economical power. If anyone doesn't have a nice relation towards it, they're fucked.
>Greatest generation
y
All the world forcefully cooperating WW2 style against unspeakable evil is a thousand times more interesting than your shitty gun warfic.
>>27795107
I shouldn't have gotten into the details of unicorn power levels, since it doesn't really matter. A fic can reasonably set average unicorn power levels anywhere from "Sparkler in Lesson Zero" (can barely open a jar with telekinesis) to "Rarity in Art of the Dress", though of course the far ends of that spectrum probably require a little bit more explanation than the middle.
>>27795123
How can you possibly know that adding guns has no advantage to the plot, when we aren't even discussing a specific story?
Are you saying that you can't imagine there ever being a pony fic that would benefit (even slightly) from the addition of guns? Because I'd say that's lack of imagination on your part more than anything else.
>>27795322
That sounds plausible, more-or-less. Assuming you have some explanation of how ponies use them that's not "hoofguns" or "mouthguns"or "dongguns".
>>27795338
Oh look, yet another post jumping on an idea and reflexively declaring it pure shit, without even asking about the possible context.
>>27795354
Now this is more like it.
>your idea MIGHT be shit, here are some possible problems you need to consider
>>27795357
>they're not actually taking the feedback
Who's not taking what feedback? As far as I know you're the only one ITT writing a fic with guns. The post >>27793322 that kicked off this entire discussion wasn't even talking about a specific story idea, just asking about ponies + guns in general.
>>27795531
If a firearm bring such a major advantage in your story, the plot is likely so bland it wouldn't work without the gun.
If you really need guns and your story won't make sense without them, you've done something wrong, since the whole story centers solely on guns.
Name me one situation where keeping unicorns and not replacing them with guns would bring more to the story plot-wise.
Well, technically, in the EQPverse, the griffons developed traditional gunpowder weapons, while ponies use magic hand cannons strapped to spears.
>>27795473
Eh, probably should just leave this but:
>gunfic
Actually, funny part is, guns won't even appear for most of the fic because Spike finds himself in the past at the show's beginning, and as a former engineer, he could 'invent' guns and give the world a huge advantage against Grogar, but he fears it'll make other nations feel too certain they could win on their own, or worse, after the war decide to use their new technology to turn it on each other.
(and i'm frankly not sure they'll ever appear because by the time Grogar stirs in the new iteration of the timeline, it's sooner than later.)
>>27795531
How ponies wield them, yeah, that will be another matter.
I didn't really like FO:E's "battle saddle" even if it seems like the closest to a practical solution.
>I'm the only one actually writing a fic
Seriously? So we've had this discussion for two threads now and no one else is writing something? I remember the previous thread, was bringing up other fics though, but it sounded like people were talking about wanting to write a war fic with guns.
>>27795531
>yet another post jumping on an idea and reflexively declaring it pure shit, without even asking about the possible context.
He is literally doing just that. He's asking how/why your alliance came about. How is that not asking about context? I know people are starting to realize /fimfic/ has a problem with people shitting on ideas without being the least bit open-minded, but don't throw this accusation around willy-nilly.
>>27795547
To be fair, the gunpowder weapon was pretty important in real life history, so it stands to reason that it'd be important in a fictional world.
>>27795659
>it sounded like people were talking about wanting to write a war fic with guns
I'm writing a war-fic. It doesn't have guns. It has technology that's more fitting for a sci-fi setting than a modern setting, but it's still mostly fantasy and doesn't have guns, because guns and ponies don't mix well.
>>27795720
>He's asking how/why your alliance came about.
He's not me, bro.That's just my shadow. The True Self.
>because guns and ponies don't mix well.
And funny enough, within my fic, Spike agrees with this wholeheartedly.
>>27795852
Because Spike is such a good mouthpiece for logic and reason, right?
>>27795888
Nice trips.
He definitely used to be, outside of his own episodes.
>>27795961
In any case, I'd recommend having a character with some credibility agree with Spike. Then maybe show some examples of Spike being right. Then maybe your Spike would be taken more seriously then canon Spike.
>>27795980
>your Spike
I'm not the guy you were talking to, I'm just a Spikefag.
>>27795992
Anonymity is overrated.
>>27795888
>>27795980
Actually, yes and no. The thing I am aiming for is a bit of ambiguity. Spike is supposed to have valid concerns and good points*, but in the grander scheme, whether he's actually right or wrong is another matter. It's not helped that throughout the fic his hand is going to end up repeatedly forced regardless of his wishes or concerns. (Though, Celestia tends to agree with Spike but says "it must be done because of destiny demands any of my people die than destiny can take a long walk off a tall cliff")
*Shining Armor's first reaction to learning that Spike has the memories and most of the skills of his future self who is a combat engineer and veteran of a hellish war? To try to make Spike the new commander of the royal guard because it's the most awesome thing he's ever heard and he can't wait to see Spike fight. Also if Spike will use his engineering skills to make some "badass future tech".
Is there a good guide for naming characters?
I'm trying to find some of my older comments on FimFiction, but I can't locate them, is there something I glossed over where I can find them all, or is there nothing like that?
>>27796113
There are a few basic rules of thumb for pony-names.
-Make your names meaningful, but not too meaningful. Think of the character's special talent and base a name off that.
-Edgetastic names are a no-go, even for really edgy characters. If you must do edge, make it at least somewhat subtle. If you must be edgy, then instead of a name like "Razorblood Deathmassacre", name him something like "Black Eagle", or "Purity" if you're going for irony or some crazed zealot type.
-Overly complimentary names are also a no-go. Names like "Beautiful Goddess" or "Dropdead Gorgeous" will make your character an instant Sue.
-Consider pony naming conventions. The formula is usually [noun] [verb], [adverb] [verb], [noun], and [adjective] [noun]. Deviating from normal naming conventions usually indicates Mary Sue and should be used judiciously.
>>27796200
Is Noon Star too suey or nah?
>>27796232
The opposite. It's really generic-sounding. If you don't mind that, go ahead and use it.
Next riff when?
>>27796657
>riff
What?
>>27796703
http://www.projectafterforums.com/index.php?showforum=16
>>27796657
Tomorrow.
I already have about seven posts worth of riff that I wrote up two weeks ago and forgot about.
>>27796716
This doesn't help.
>>27796897
Here's a riff of Fallout: Equestria.
http://www.projectafterforums.com/index.php?showtopic=2877
>>27796807
>>27796908
This is too autistic for my taste.
>>27796897
Guitar riff.
Sometimes I drop by to play little riffs that fit various stories.
Last time I played the riff to Iron Man to a story about Tiger Fucking Tanks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWxHzAWD4W0
>>27796703
Hello newfriend.
>>27796703
>a rapid energetic often improvised verbal outpouring; especially : one that is part of a comic performance
>A monologue or spoken improvisation, especially a humorous one, on a particular subject:
>>27797083
That riff was not humorous though.
>>27797093
Being humorous was obviously the intent. Humour is subjective.
>>27797093
That's because bad riffers think saying "this is shit author should kill self" is humor.
>>27797093
http://pastebin.com/Ht7X9Xyq
Try this one. It's a classic. The others of the series are in the pastebin link in OP.
>>27795659
>Random dragon invents guns alone
Just fuck off now.
>>27795720
>Gunpowder
I'm totally fine with gunpowder and heavy (45+mm) artillery pieces. I'm having magical crystal charges replace gunpowder in my fic while keeping the same projectiles myself. What I'm arguing against is personal firearms, guns we normally talk about.
>>27796062
If Spike is how you're going to justify your power armor, go find a better reason.
>Spike was a combat engineer
A combat engineer and engineer are two extremely different jobs. An engineer takes real life practical problems and solves them with scientific and theory skills. A combat engineer lays mines and bridges and removes them, handles flamethrowers and destruction, among other things. There's no formation for actually designing anything, and you sure don't need to go to uni for that.
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Combat_engineer
Seriously, do some research.
Again, if you're forced to have a time traveler solely to introduce guns, you might as well rethink if they're that important in your fic, since time traveling is a much more interesting subject than firearm.
>>27797323
>expecting Spikefags to know the first thing about what they're writing
He's just trying to make Spike useful instead of the worthless butt monkey he is in canon. Expect his fic to be utter crap. It's pretty clear by now that his Spike is a Possession Sue; he has no interest in doing anything above aggrandizing said Sue.
He's also autistic and hasn't read much fantasy, or else he'd be able to come up with something cooler than boring old guns.
>>27797363
>Boring old guns
Come up with something better. Magic duels are so fucking played out its impossible to be original with them. Either you're ripping off an anime, or a super hero, or even another fic!
Honestly, magic is boring.
>>27797540
>magic is boring
>>27797540
>Magic is boring
>Guns in the real world is totally underdone and interesting
>We've seen those for over 500 years, but it has never been done before and everyone should know about mah gunz
Come on, think of something you stupid fuck.
If guns are more exciting than magic, then fuck off from MLP and go write normal fiction. What's the point of writing a story about war in a magical fantasy land if magic isn't going to be used?
>>27797540
>Come up with something better.
Rocket launchers. Chainswords. Flamethrowers. Bloodbenders. Metaphysical powers based on abstract concepts regarding companionship and togetherness. Fucking anything but this bullshit.
>>27797540
They're entitled to their opinions but I do wonder what they'd do about a fight between two earth ponies.
>>27797708
>go write normal fiction
We won't get his crap past any reputable publisher. He should write Evangelion fics or something.
>>27796513
nyxt thread header?
>>27797708
Because putting magitech weaponry is more interesting than "I CAST LASERBEAM" "OH YEAH? I CAST BIGGER LASERBEAM" ad infinitum.
>>27797918
>magitech weaponry
The cool thing about MAGI-tech is it can be supplementary to traditional fantasy magic, rather than just a replacement for it.
And guns aren't magitech. We have guns that can split a man's head open from miles away and we have no magic at all.
>>27798006
But traditional tech is so same old same old.
>>27797918
Combat enhancing crystal based drugs, spells manipulating not only matter but psychology and time as well, teleportation combat, using lasers with different effects, etc. etc. etc.
How is this boring compared to your shitty guns?
>>27797866
>fanfiction.net
If you want to write with guns and without magic, just go write a normal edgy WW1/2/Cold War fic..
Can anyone help me out with coming up with a compelling corporate villain? I want to make Scitwi into a villain backed by a large corporation, but I'm coming to a block with how best to do it.
>>27798108
Because Cowboys are fuckin cool Mang. And you can't have a cowboy without a rifle or 6 shooter.
>>27798153
Well, I think the best input I can give is that corrupt, corporate villain types are best known for their thinking and planning. Namely: what is their plan and what they have as backup in case it backfires.
So it boils down to "what do they want?", "how will they achieve it?", and "what will they do if things any step in their plan goes wrong?"
Well here's the first chapter of "lightning dust is a mercenary" fic. I didn't redo the first scene (although I did edit it quite a bit) so much as I added a whole new one above it. I'm hoping this version explains what's going on a bit more, and shows a bit more verisimilitude regarding the subject matter despite Lightning Dust's nonchalant attitude towards it.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WrcPgjM34AtS7r6YTkJh-TCG55KTU4P36dMDM8AyAiY/edit?usp=sharing
And yes, I know, edgy, warfics are shit and all that. I've already heard it.
>>27798431
Thanks. I think my biggest problem right now is coming up with an actual objective for her. I'm leaning towards some sort of technological ideological revolution of sorts. Maybe I need to look into thingsl ike Deus Ex to figure this out.
>>27798496
Anon, will you be offended if I tear into this thing with the comment feature?
>>27798538
Go right ahead. I wouldn't have put it here if I didn't want criticism.
>>27798503
well, how 'corrupt' do you want them? Normally, corporate types are after power, money, and influence. Having a genuine ideology adds a lot to them though and opens up all kinds of stuff.
But maybe I'm just being a bit narrow minded.
>>27798496
>>27798538
It started off a little rocky, no lie. Your writing isn't bad though. I can tell you've at least edited it.
The story is, well, extremely edgy. I legit almost gagged at the jaw-blade-tongue-throat part. I can't say I'm disinterested, though. There're a few things I hope you at least address if not fix in later parts.
>First, why is an alicorn serving under Glimmer?Basically Glimmer had better be one too, or you need to fix that.
>Second, Unity. Especially with alicorns involved, it sounds a LOT like Fallout Equestria's Unity, and that's not a good thing. Change the name or give it a very good reason for being called that way.
>Third: Is it absolutely imperative the Lightning Dust be a mercenary? Because if not, she's acting an awful lot like a member of a military, and you haven't given any reason why what Dust just did couldn't be done by regulars, especially if her squad were regulars themselves.
Overall, I'll give it a soft 6 with a fair bit of potential. Just make sure there's more exposition than action, because action scenes in literature are 90% awful, and the 10% that are good usually drag on too long. The reader wants a good story, if we wanted action we'd watch a movie or tv or read a comic book.
>>27798813
>First
Yes, Starlight is an alicorn. And there are only two other ones besides her.
>Second
And power armor would belong to FoE's Enclave too. Dang. I will have to think of another name, won't I? I'll do just that.
>Third
Lightning Dust was canonically a member of Equestria's Mobile Infantry (pegasus branch of the army), so that's just how she does things.
And don't worry. It won't be all action. I just put action in the first chapter to set up a hook.
>>27798875
I kinda figured you'd have that shit on lock. You seem talented enough to pull off a slightly-better-than-most warfic. It'll certainly not be to everyone's tastes, but that's ok, nothing is. I suggest you tackle the first and third points sooner than later, however.
>>27798911
Starlight will appear in chapter two in all her alicorn glory. As for explaining Lightning Dust's role in a bit more detail, that's for chapter four. And I'll think of something to call it besides the Unity. Is that enough?
>>27798938
Yes. Perfect. I hope this goes well for you. Your writing has that little spark of imagination behind it. Don't lose it.
>>27799000
An actual supportive post? With those digits? Thanks.
I've decided the Unity's going to be the "Ponies' Democratic Republic of Equals" with "the Republic" for shorthand. Naturally, it isn't democratic, republican, or equal in the slightest.
>>27799237
A bit generic but it'll work. I was thinking something like collectivists, but going full commie might be fun too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzXAbm55DOE
>>27799237
Boring and generic as hell. But it works.
>>27799257
>>27799269
Yeah, I was never good at coming up with names. The way I see it, if it's functional, then it's good enough.
[Pt. 1]
>>27793322
I mean, no guns. The guns in your pic related don't make sense given the context. They're designed for human use as you can tell by the inclusion of a stock, finger trigger, and bolt action reloading mechanism.
If you do "guns in Equestria," they have to make sense. They have to fit the setting. You have to completely redesign them to work with horses and fan artists and fanfic writers just don't do that. They slap some steampunk on an M1903 or 1911 and call it a day.
If you don't want to put in the effort to worldbuild guns properly, just don't include them. Stick with crossbows, magic spells, and javelins if you want ranged weapons.
>>27793361
>channel some lighting into the gun to fire it
How does the intense heat (50k Fahrenheit) of the lightning not damage the metal or barrel?
If they can shoot lightning at will, something no character has been shown to be able to do, why don't they just do that, or build a lightning gun instead of one that shoots bullets?
>>27794567
>figure out what sort of explanation and context could it fit into a story
The reader's job isn't to fix the gaping plotholes of the author, nor is it my job when pointing them out. I might make a suggestion on a possible fix or alternative, but I'm not going to warp reality to cram a bad idea into a story.
>trained pegasi can directly harness lightning
>pegasi can fire electric-triggered guns
This is a massive leap. How do you go from "channel's lightning" to "has designed and constructed a human gun that uses lightning"? There's a lot of missing points there and it raises the question of why?
Why, when you can channel an elemental force, would you then create a hugely overcomplicated weapon that barely uses it? It's like if they invented TNT, then blew up a boulder with it so they could use the rocks in their slings.
[Pt. 2]
>>27794902
>Pre-unification.
So they had more advanced technology thousands of years prior to the show than they do now?
>They do short-range telekinesis and their special talent
But that's in canon. We're talking about a NON CANON work of FANFICTION, remember? Unicorns can do whatever the fuck they want, as an aspect of their innate unicorn magic.
>>27794953
>he wants to stick to lame human guns
This is another good point.
>>27795192
Guns would definitely have a niche, whether it be a mini cannon-like precision weapon, or something for the conscripted to use in a total war setting. It just needs good context and proper setup, which includes a gun that's actually designed for ponies to use and doesn't require retarded secondary powers that are vastly more useful than the gun itself.
>>27795322
>trickled down to ponies
Given the massive differences in autonomy, there'd have to be radically different gun designs for the various species--and you certainly couldn't have a pony wielding a minotaur gun, just as a human can't use a horse saddle.
I do like the idea that there was an a-bomb like scramble to develop the gun between the different species, so no one had a tactical advantage for long.
>>27795433
>Gunpowder
Gunpowder is canon, but we've only seen it in Equestria.
>thousands of year old alicorn princesses who helped to stop a three way race war and unite a country in peace
>control of the sun and moon
>shitty foreign relations
Wait until the movie before you declare such things.
[Pt. 3]
>>27795659
>that will be another matter
Personally, I think the only kind of firearm that would work for ponies would be something like pic related, which is (apparently) an Ottoman abus gun. You'd have to change the firing mechanism, but I think the early hand cannon type weapons are the only ones that would make sense for ponies.
They'd be using existing cannon technology, recoil issues would be mitigated with a non-hoof/leg based setup, and the tech level (1500s) fits snugly with existing canon military tech. It's certainly not a traditional gun and wouldn't work like one on the battlefield, but it worldbuild's the best in my book.
>>27796113
>simple nouns and verbs (Rainy Day, Firestorm, Apple Core, etc.)
>simple phrases/idioms (Speed Demon, Lightning Fast, etc.)
>color+flower (Red Daisy, Green Tulip, etc.)
>name relating to special talent (Habeas Corpus, Word Processor, etc.)
>>27798153
>compelling corporate villain
They're hard to pull off given how overused they are these days. I'd say the visionary type would be best: they have this great idea that'll revolutionize things and genuinely make life better, but they need to crack some eggs to make the omelette.
But whatever you do, don't make the CEO this all powerful guy who can blow infinite money and goons. There's a board of directors, shareholders, audit committee--and they're all gonna want to know why he spent 100 million dollars on PMCs. A company's whole purpose is making money, after all.
>>27798496
Left some comments. One of the edgiest fics I've seen--and I've read TLK stories about ligers with 50 cal. sniper rifles.
The drama was lackluster and boring. The power armor really crippled the chapter and suspense and, if it isn't balanced, the story as well.
It's definitely not my thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6l1OPBQbls
I found this
My MC is a ranger for his country, and works on the frontier, guarding trains and small towns from raiders and other criminals that hunt in the undeveloped regions between countries.
He has a rifle, a lever action, because he needs a reliable method of nixing targets at a distance.
Is that too edgy?
>>27800500
Nah, sounds like a FoE spin-off on par with Heroes.
>>27800500
So basically a wild west sheriff type? Sounds fine to me.
>>27800504
It's more like an advanced tech version of Equestria.
90% of the army doesn't use rifles, because they're expensive and inefficient.
Why does it always end with guns in Equestria with you guys
>>27800563
end? apparently it starts with the guns then they try to maybe find a way to cram some ponies in there somewhere
>>27800563
Because how is a cowboy supposed to be a cowboy without his signature lever action or 6 shooter?
>>27800618
whip? lasso?
>>27800624
that's a ranchero.
Ok guys hes this for a story. Theres this gun, and he does all sorts of gunny things like rape, murder, mayhem, assassination, and rape. Then it gets drawn into a war between the breezies and the dragons. it wins the war then goes on to change the world for the better one bullet at a time. Oh and its got a pony sidekick that carries it around from place to place. but Im not really sold on the pony. he might just drag the story down
>>27800640
>strawman
>>27800640
are you even trying
>>27796513
Yessss...!
What would Earth ponies even be good for in a warfic?
They can't do anything particularly useful.
>>27800874
Typically Earth ponies are the durable front-line types, while unicorns are glass cannons.
Alternately, Earth pony strength makes them good for hauling around and operating heavy artillery.
>>27801003
>guns
can we throw a new rule in the op? something about no gun discussion permitted? we could add it down towards the bottom with all of the other shit that no one reads
>>27800232
>Nyx just casually goes around having sex with ponies
kek, the little rascal.
>>27801057
>What are siege engines.
>>27801092
And how would you enforce that shit?
>towards the bottom with all of the other shit that no one reads
The purpose of those things is so that people won't need to post. How do you know nobody reads it?
>>27801636
>And how would you enforce that shit?
unfortunately we cant. But we've been deeply autistic the last couple of threads and steps must be taken to limit that shit
>How do you know nobody reads it?
http://www.strawpoll.me/10656195
hit it bitches
>>27801715
>no option for "I only read the ITT becasue I know the rest by heart".
>>27801877
isnt that the second option?
I need some good clops or scenes with cowgirl positions. Writing something and need refrences.
>>27801920
>hello, Rainbow Dash are you ready for your sexual treatment?
>Yes princess luna, hurry up and cover me in it.
>princess luna grabs a tank and starts dowsing the contents of the said tank over rainbow dash.
>now your gonna have that dream fulfilled about drowning in oil.
>soon, rainow is completely covered in copious amounts of oil.
>then luna starts licking her equine pussy as the liquid suffocates rainbow dash.
>As Rainbow Dash finally loses consciousness, she orgasms all over Luna's snout.
How was that?
>>27801959
Uhh... where was the cowgirl position in that?
>>27801972
yes clearly luna should have been getting applejackoff
>>27801920
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/144775/home-on-the-range
>>27802012
No. By cowgirl, I mean sex in the cowgirl position. Like this.
>>27802374
Wow humarity looks to be taking a big square shit. Didn't realize you were into humanized scat, you sick bastard
>>27802374
I can't imagine that working too comfortably for horses.
>>27802421
That's a censor square ya idiot.
>>27801715
That poll is fucking stupid, and you completely missed my point.
The point of the OP is to provide information to newcomers so they don't have to post here and ask. Obviously regulars don't read the entire post every single time.
I'm conflicted on how The Immortal Game could have been improved. Honestly I agree with AestheticB where he said it should at ended at the Battle of Canterlot, but I feel like that really would have blue balled the readers. Also if it had ended, we wouldn't get to see any of Astor Coruscare.
But her story could be made into a 10 chapter spin-off or something.
bemp
Reminder
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OurYhfWj3J4
>>27803891
>she
You never asked for this.
Perhaps you had forgotten. The distant past of 2014 might have been lost to you, and with it the memories of Andre. But the pinnacle of German literature has returned, and there can be no escape.
Wecome back to Wai Wai.
>Where am I? Who am I?
>Chapter 26: The Rainbow Factory
Now, as a quick preamble, let me first make clear that the last time I read "Where am I? Who am I?" was in December 2014. When I recently decided to at the very least try to finish my tour de autism of this horrible story, I was therefore met with a choice. Do I re-read the story beforehand, so that I can fully appreciate full understanding of the fic, or do I go in blind?
The answer, obvious to anyone who isn't a masochist, is that I'm not ever going to reread any of this. It might be the most appropriate thing to do, since few (or none) of you remember anything at all about this. Also it lets me reuse jokes, because you won't remember them.
Namefagging for archive and filtering reasons.
>>27804058
Let me, to the best of my ability, recap where we are in the story so far:
Wai-Wai, or whatever you want to call it, is the work of a German FimFiction "writer" named Andre, and was originally written via Google Translate. Now, that version has been lost to time, but the later, "fixed", version of the story is no less glorious. Andre was an extremely juvenile CoD fanboy in his early twenties who seemingly suffered from a mental disorder rendering him unable to form a single original thought, and at times made him unable to form coherent thoughts at all. Or at least that's the impression I get. He has since deleted his profile for reasons unknowable to man.
Our story starts with John Price, a young computer prodigy who managed to fuck up everything forever. I should backtrack. John was taught how to be a computer deity by his father, a deceased fighter pilot who was never established to be good with computers. Being the godlike self-insert that he is, John got a job at some big company and created amazing artificial intelligence. The American military surrenders complete control of their nuclear weapons to this AI for plot reasons, despite John thinking this is a bad idea. It is never explained why John thinks this, but it's important for Andre to establish this so that John can turn out to be right in the end. He always is.
>>27804073
Unsurprisingly the AI nukes everything and the world goes to shit. It takes less than a year from John starts working until he has fucked the world. The American orbital nuclear weapons array, and this takes place in 2030, unleashes nuclear hellfire on the world below. Being the single person in the world who deserves the most to die from radiation poisoning, John is near the site of a nuclear explosion, but instead of being hurt he merely rides the nuclear blastwave through the air where he miraculously hits a horse statue that is also a bubble of protection, and a van, and a portal to Equestria. It's all pretty confusing, because Andre cannot communicate any sense of space in his writing.
Despite being explicitly told that this holocaust was all his fault, John never feels guilt or takes any blame. The story doesn't fault him for this immense stupidity, because Andre can never fault his self-insert for anything.
Our lovable protagonist is found by the M6, likely in the Everfree Forest, where they immediately lust for his hot mankey dong. Because every single pony is always into bestiality. Anyway, he goes on numerous adventures that are all so dumb that I won't bother retelling them. This story takes the Wiseau-approach to storytelling, so most details are nonsensical and do not matter. Perhaps most importantly, he loses his virginity in a way Andre could only hope; by cumming inside DASHIIIIIII.
>>27804091
This is where we get to the only plot thread worth remembering. See, Equestria is Earth in the future, and somehow a "International US Agent" called Steve (age 25/114354) manages to end up in Equestria. I cannot for the life of me remember how. I think it was time-travel. Anyway, Steve is a former fighter pilot and the man who betrayed and killed John's father for... reasons. Anyway, Steve desires to kill John because reasons, and becomes a shapeshifting pegasus. He nearly fills Loira with baby batter, because you can't have HiE without letting her get some of that gorilla dick. John and Steve fight several times in what sounds like CoD-fanfiction, and John "kills" Steve like three times. However, after the last "death", something strange happens. John's story basically ends, as he is perpetually cumming in that crusty cunt, and it all loses any semblance of having a plot. This is at chapter 20 of 40. Andre has run out of ideas that in any way tie to the main story and character.
Also, and I can never get past this, John stabs Celestia and it never has any form of consequence, and is never mentioned again. It's the breast cancer of this fic.
>>27804103
Now, a normal writer would stop. The story is over, there's no conflict or plot. But Andre is no mere normal man. From here on out the story focuses around Steve as he... meanders around for a bit. Tells the story of how Steve ended up in Equestria, liked anyone cared. We learn about the Russian Libyan Cyber War. But it eventually gains some semblance of plot, as Steve decides to investigate the Rainbow Factory. Yes, THAT Rainbow Factory. When Andre ran out of ideas stolen from CoD, he unironically turned his story into fanfiction of fanfiction.
Or, that's what you'd think. It soon becomes apparent that he's writing based upon Wooden Toaster/Glaze's Rainbow Factory song. So we're reading fanfiction about a song about a fanfiction about My Little Pony.
When we last left our hero Steve, 1/3 into chapter 26, he was hiding behind a box in the Rainbow Factory, watching a genderswapped Wooden Toaster OC talk to his childmurdercrew.
Are you all caught up? If so, I'm terribly sorry for having made you read all that.
A little under two weeks ago, I shared an old riff from 2014 that I never got around to posting. That covered the first third of this chapter. It's in the archive if you want to read it, and get the full "understanding" of this chapter, but it won't be needed.
http://pastebin.com/UzK4Lzjc
I'll be right back with chapter 26.
>>27804058
>The distant past of 2014 might have been lost to you
>tfw it's been over two years
well, shit
>>27804120
>Chapter 26
I hope you all brought protection, because we're going in.
>I hide me behind a box.
Shame on you, Steve, hiding behind metal bawkses.
>The voices said, "Yes perfect, these ponies are ... wonderful specimens. We will do maybe the best rainbow all time hehehehe."
What qualities, exactly, make some ponies better for grinding up into rainbows than others? Is it being kind? Having a nice mane? Lusting for manmeat?
Truly, we will never really know.
>He was a Pegasus, with green hair and an evil smile on his face. There were some other Pegasus which ... "GOD THEIR EYES!"
I don't think Andre has any idea that this OC is supposed to be female. Or at least I think that's the case.
>pic related
I know I'm posted this last time, but I feel like it's the perfect introduction for this renewed insanity. A shitty Pony Creator image of a fandom OC in a nonsensical role.
>Mr Woodentoaster said to me, "AAAAAAAAH the new guy, welcome I hope you enjoy your stay here hehehehe."
You know what? I think Andre's subtly trying to convey that this character might, just might, not be the most upstanding. There's an ever so slight hint of vileness here, wouldn't you agree?
Did you guys write about serial killers or dark stuff when you were younger? I sure did. It seems to be a pretty common thing in juvenilia.
>Nothing was normally at him like the others with him.
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
>>27804202
>Mr Woodentoaster asked me, "What's your name you useless piece of shit!"
>I looked at him and said, "WHAT DID YOU...:" I stopped myself. "Concentrate, he is trying to annoy you!"
Andre, we need to talk about your usage of quotation marks.
So, in the first line, that's supposed to be dialogue, right? And the same is true for the first sentence of the second line. But then we go back to Andre-rules, which is no rules. I get that the second sentence is supposed to be inner dialogue, but that actually need to be made clear/not marked with quotation marks.
>I said, "Steve Connor."
>He said, "Oh my god what an ugly name but ok for an ugly Pegasus like you HAHAHAH. HEY I want to see your in the hall in 10 minutes I want to show you something ... really nice!"
I swear, the dialogue has never been this bad. And that's really fucking saying something, because it's been awful in the past too.
At the very least, someone finally fucking acknowledged that "Steve Connor" isn't a normal pony name. It took twenty six chapters, but it finally happened. Maybe, just maybe, we might one day see Cloudsdale or Celestia spelled correctly too.
A man can dream.
Speaking of names:
>John Price
>Steve Connor
John Price is a CoD character.
John Connor.
German unoriginality knows no bounds.
>>27804239
>(Info: Please listen to the song while you reading I don't know but it match, it´s German but with English lyrics. Mitternacht = Midnight)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1v9A3ymnR0
German is so fucking horrible, I'm ashamed to even speak languages related to this monstrosity. And honestly, is anyone here surprised that Andre has bad taste in music?
I offer an alternative, which I feel more properly conveys my feeling towards this specific point in the story:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C78HBp-Youk
>There was something in a cage. A Pegasus... but it looks other then every pony I saw.
>GOD WHAT THE HELL! It started screaming, "AAAAAAAAH HUNGRY, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, BLOOOD!!! YOUR HEART IS MINE!!!!!"
>pic related
But Dash wasn't actually a zombie though. He just couldn't be bothered to find any other zombie pony picture.
Or maybe it's a case of brilliant foreshadowing. Either way, the sudden inclusion of zombies cements the fact that the only really novel thing about Andre is how spectacularly unoriginal he manages to be. Where other shitty writers might become accidentally interesting, Andre somehow manages to not even accomplish that.
>But that wasn't enough, whats coming next was bader, much bader, it was ... the hell!
It was even worse than Baden-Baden.
>I thought first it was a dream, but it wasn't. It was the reality.
There's no dreams here. Only nightmares. Though I'm sure also they crave Johndong. Or Stevedong, I guess.
>>27804251
>The pony screamed behind me in the cage screamed all the time, "YOUR HEART, YOUR BRAIN, YOU BLOOD ... MINE!!!"
At least this isn't one of those picky zombies, the kind that just eat brains and french fries.
>That small "UUUUUUGH! WHAT THE HELL SMELLS SO UGLY, LIKE SOMEONE WOULD DECAY!"
Luckily it wasn't a big decay.
>Then I saw a balcon, I went outside then I saw the picture of hell.
>"OH MY GOD!" THAT ISNT TRUE!"
Balcons were actually made illegal in Germany following WWII, so it's not wonder he's so excited.
>There was an container, fly's everywhere, the container was full of... dead ponies of all kind, earth, Pegasus and unicorns.
By being too lazy to read the actual Rainbow Factory, Andre is actually diverting from it. This is a equal opportunity massacre.
>And this pony on the other side had a smile on their face and evil smile.
Since the first smile was on the pony's face, I'm guessing she smiled most evilly with her nether lips. Truly bad pussy.
>He/She enjoyed that. He/She looked at me, and called, "Look at these fools, how their are crying, like baby's. Stupid kids. They came in this "garbage compactor" like rubbish! hahah!"
Yeah, fucking babies. Crying just because you're subjecting them to industrialised slaughter. Fucking yellow-bellies.
>I asked, "WHO ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU?"
>"Here HIHIHIHIHI!" said the creepy voice.
I'm just waiting for a fucking title drop, but it never happens.
>>27804282
>*HUMAN*
>I turned into a human. He knew what I am ok.
>Steve pulled up his pistol, "COME ON! Show me what you've got!"
Question: How does he store his CoD-piece (or "gun" for you plebians) when he's in ponyform? Strapped to his wing? Bound to the dong?
>"Hey Steviiiii did you know I don't like the ponies too so if you want we can destroy them together? HIHIHIHI"
>"EEEEHMMM LET ME THING ABOUT IT, NO?"
I think this scene can only be compared to the showdown between Luke and the Emperor in Return of the Jedi, though this is clearly much more tense.
>"Not really but I am so glad to shoot in your FUCKING MUZZLE!"
>"Steve behind you."
*teleports behind u"
"nothing personnel kid"
>"WHUHU STEVIIIII"
I didn't know this was a horror story.
>Mr Woodentoaster declared me, "See every pony has another colour. In everyponys blood is SPECTRA! With this substance can we create the nicest rainbows!"
Today on How It's Made: Rainbows.
But seriously, how is what is essentially a flying concentration camp made for farming pony blood meant to stay undercover, when it's in a big town and has both regular workers and visitors? Where does the corpses go? What about the employees?
>I looked at him with an shocked face, "You ... you mean you have ... to .. kill them?"
Steve has at this point already seen containers full of mangled bodies and had it explicitly told to him that this is a slaughterhouse. But he's a bit slow, just like his creator. Literary apples don't fall far away.
>>27804302
>I looked at my left site. I saw a pony which was fettered. They ... they ... apart her.
But if you're just after pony blood, why would you bind people to intricate devices and tear them apart? Couldn't you just organise a national blood donation drive, or make blood donation mandatory for certain ponies? Or at the very least just bleed victims out?
>They showed not a bit of mercy. Suddenly I regonized a mare which walked run past at me. She had a kind of "rainbow mane" but I don't noticed her further.
Who is this mystery mere of many hues? The world may never truly know. But she probably started her day with her daily dose of monkey cum.
The real question, at this point, is if Andre has watched Rainbow Dash Presents.
>Mr Woodentoaster laughed, "Time for a bit yellow colour. Remember the bones must be broken, so the machine can work much better HEHEHEH!"
First of all, I hope this isn't going to be about piss. Other than that, I'm just going to say that in my experience you don't need to break all your bones to be a blood donor. But I guess there's different health and safety regulations in Equestria.
>The pony who operated the machine laughed, "OF COURSE BOSS, HEY KIDS LOOK AT THAT!"
I will never be as enthusiastic about my job as this guy is about tearing apart children in front of other terrified children.
>The little pony cried, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
MY LITTLE PONY
Remember that? Remember that series? The one this is all based upon?
>>27804318
>Woodentoaster put his hooves together and smiled, "YES, YES, YEEEES!"
Calm down Mr Bison.
>I looked at my chest. I wore my crucifix. I must pray for a moment, for this ponies.
Steve may be an immoral asshole and a murderer, but he knows that God is going to forgive him in the end.
And who knows, it wouldn't be impossible for Andre to have God send some angel or something to save the ponies from torture and their heathen ways. Or lecture about the horrors of 9/11.
>Woodentoaster noticed that. He didn't know what I prayed but he knew that I am prayed.
Can you pray the genderswap away? Is it still gay then?
>Then I hit him with my hoof in his muzzle as hard as I could.
Wait, is Steve a pony now? Since when?
Why bother with *PONY*/*HUMAN* if you don't actually use it?
>Mr Woodentoaster looked at me, "What the hell did you do? Will you be the next, no problem a white Pegasus, good for bright colours."
I really want to see a chart of what kinds of ponies make the best colours. Do they ever have a shortage of say pink ponies, and need to petition some agency to get delivered more pink kids that no one will miss? What are the logistics of this operation?
>.......... *HUMAN*..........
I swear, the transition "effect" keep getting longer and longer. Before long we'll just have entire chapters that say nothing but HUMAN HUMAN HUMAN over and over to make sure we all got that he's now in gunape mode.
This is cancer
>>27804338
>He giggled, "HEHE SURE Come on HUMAN maybe your SPECTRA WILL BE NICE TOO! CATCH HIM!"
How the fuck do you know what a human is?
>I heard Woodentoaster as he cried, "LET THEM FREE!"
Cry havoc, and let slip the My Little Pony Zombie OCs of War.
>Then one of these ... things...attacked me. I felt down. "IT" tried to bit my on my neck. I hold it back with my hand. Then I pulled my M9 pistol and shoot at it. I shoot and shoot but this ... creature wouldn't die."
Sure is compelling being told how zombies work. Like I was expecting anything atypical at all about any of this.
>Then a heard a pony saying, "The head, the head is the only way to kill them."
Who the fuck is saying that? Is it one of the children? If so, how does a child horse know that the only way to kill undead horse is by destroying the head?
Is it one of the employees? If so, he's not doing wonders for the company's synergy right now, and will probably get a stern talking-to from his shift manager.
>It lied on the ground.
It was actually on the roof.
>I must see how these creature rope out this little mare and eat her organs like spaghettis.
Seems like Steve is getting into this. Maybe he'll develop a crippling child-mutilation addiction. He already has an outrageous murderboner.
>>27804346
I invite you to filter me.
>>27804352
Also, let's all try to find a better description of gore using Italian food. I nominate "rupturing her intestines like overstuffed cannelloni".
>I ran, I ran as fast as I could. I open the gates.
Were we near the entrance the whole time? Or did he run for a longer amount of time?
Reading Wai-Wai is almost dreamlike and ethereal, because space as a dimension is mostly absent and always meaningless. Everything just happens in a undefined proximity that changes at the author's whim. Andre probably had some idea of what everything was supposed to look like, but he forgot that you actually have to tell your readers. We aren't telepaths.
>I run to the place where I hide my stuff.
See what I'm talking about? Everything just happens in "some place".
>I finally landed. Lyra came out, "Steve where were you so long?"
"I visited a nonsensical sidechapter written solely to suck the dick of the only fan I have".
Does this shit still exist somewhere?
>>27804367
>Lyra asked me again, "What´s going on with you? What happened? Did you have problems on your job?"
Does shooting, zombies, mass murder and mutilation count as a bad day on the job? I'd say it's probably about average for Steve.
Steve, as a "character" is supposed to be highly classified and experienced. He has seen alien shit at Area 51. Yet he's always stunned and amazed by the most obvious things.
>Lyra asked him, "Whats going on? Was anywhere an accident or something?"
>I could only say, "Their tears, their ... screams ... GOD."
I'm actually pleasantly surprised that Steve decides to not tell anyone, because they wouldn't believe him, and is left mentally scarred by this day. Or at least until he's fine again in the next chapter.
But it's unheard of in this story to have a plotline where the main character doesn't ultimately win and drowns in an ocean of estrus fuckholes and mare lubricant. So there's that, I guess, even if it was incredibly dumb.
It's the sort of thing that's commendable, but only if you lower your expectations to pathetically low levels.
That's fortunately the end of it. There is no more of chapter 26.
If you want to blame someone, blame New Spark.
This entire chapter was Andre trying to please his fan by deepthroating commenter dong.
>>27804372
Not online, but I have a backup.
>>27804120
*adjusts glasses*
ACKSHUALLY, the Rainbow Factory song inspired the Rainbow Factory fic. The song is not about the fanfiction, the song set up the original story.
t. professional 2011 pony gorefic connoisseur
>>27804352
Are the zombies a byproduct of the rainbow elaboration process?
Because that just raises more questions.
>>27804502
>you are actually right
Fugg, I always thought is was the other way around. Have been wrong about this for half a decade.
>>27804525
Oh, I have no idea.
There's just conveniently zombies there, under command by "Woodentoaster".
I don't think they're even involved in the rainbow making bullshit, because that process either rips you apart, crushes all your bones, or both.
They're probably just there so Steve can shoot something.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/336560/doom-baron-of-tartarus
And I thought my cover art was autistic.
>>27800874
They're usually used for tanking and the "rapid healing" headcanon is almost always bundled as well.
A better warfic would employ them as engineers, engaging in supply chain transportation, and operating heavy equipment.
>>27801715
Didn't vote because I don't read the OP at all anymore.
>>27802972
>have been improved
A better synopsis, for one. It only really covers the first third of the damn story. I had thought for the longest time the whole thing was a standard "evil!Twilight while her friends try to save her" plot.
He also had that habit of "killing" or otherwise crippling a character at the end of a chapter only to give them a heroic wind in the next one. It was kind of cool the first two times it happened, but it went from cool to just funny very fast as it kept happening.
>>27805284
heh
>>27804120
>So we're reading fanfiction about a song about a fanfiction about My Little Pony.
Well, the song actually came first, so it's just fanfiction about a song about My Little Pony, just like the original Rainbow Factory fic.
>>27804202
>Did you guys write about serial killers or dark stuff when you were younger? I sure did. It seems to be a pretty common thing in juvenilia.
I actually wrote about kid detectives, goofy villains and superpowers. I don't think I've ever gone through my edgy phase. Maybe that's why I have such a high tolerance for edge.
>>27808215
but edge is like meth. it makes your teeth fall out and everyone dislike you. but you cant develops a tolerance without using.
so how can you have a tolerance for edge without going through the phase yourself?
>>27808305
Nah, I think a lot of people dislike edgy shit on principle so much because they feel embarassed for being into those things in the past, and therefore think that all edge is embarassing.
But I think edge can be done well.
>>27804302
>But seriously, how is what is essentially a flying concentration camp made for farming pony blood meant to stay undercover, when it's in a big town and has both regular workers and visitors? Where does the corpses go? What about the employees?
Not sure how much thought Andre has put into this, but in the original RF, Cloudsdale officials knew exactly what was going on in there and were covering it up.
>>27804405
Wait, so does this chapter have any consequences? Did he just base the rest of the plot on a rewrite of a bad grimdark fanfic, or did he just build up all this dark shit going on and decide to leave it like that?
>>27808215
For me, it was never so much about revelling in bloodshed as much as young me thinking that dark stories were just really easy to write. Serial killers that murder for fun are basically an excuse not to write a compelling motive, murder "automatically" brings tension, and you can just end the story quickly by having everyone die.
It's less about edge and more about being shit at writing.
>>27808479
>Not sure how much thought Andre has put into this
I can assure you that every aspect of the story only has the minimum amount of required effort invested into it.
As for the deep lore of Wai-Wai, I went back to chapter 25 to have a look.
So, Steve needs a job, and Spitfire says he should apply at the Rainbow Factory. Apparently there's some sort of myth that they make rainbows by killing ponies, but she says it's just bullshit.
>>27808503
Honestly, I thought this was going to have no consequences at all.
But lo and behold, there are no breaks on this wild ride.
oh andre how we've missed you.
If that was ch. 26, how much is there left to waiwai anyway?
>German
>named Andre
???
>>27809722
I know right, one would expect Abdul or Muhammed
>>27809590
There's 40 chapters, somehow. The actual story ended at chapter 20.
>>27809804
so is the rest of it just following along on the wacky adventures of secret agent steve or what?
>>27810180
Presumably.
>>27809778
Kek
>>27810332
The fanfic of a fanfic of the adventures of secret agent steve. Rainbow factory is down, so how long before steve assists pinkie in baking some confections? Perhaps secret agent steve will find a filly in the trashand leave it right there where it belongs. There's so many possibilities i just can't wait to see whats next
>>27810430
>wanting to see andre's pinkie again
>>27810527
Is she in pain?
GET READY
Pastebin here: http://pastebin.com/YpSiMW3Y (chapters 1-22)
I'm about to go reread chapter 23 because I can't remember what the fuck is going on in this fic any more.
>>27810589
Existence is pain.
If you go out far enough
you'll see the sun as just a spark
in a dying fire
if you go out far enough.
If you go out far enough
you'll see the whole wheel of the Milky Way
turning on the roads of the night
if you go out far enough.
If you go out far enough
you'll see the Universe itself,
billions of light-years, all of time
as just a glimmer, as lonely and distant
as a star on a June night.
And yet, my friend, if you go out far enough
you'll just be at the beginning
of bumps
>>27812239
Good one.
>>27811325
>john got abort
not soon enough
>>27811110
well? that was like 2 hours ago
How would /mlp/ feel if my MC was a hippogriff?
>>27813255
/mlp/ in general? Some may like it.
This thread in particular? I'm sure most will wonder why a hippogriff, and how that affects the story.
I mean, if the story is about the hipogrif and him /her being one is one of the major themese of the story, then it could be interesting, but if you're just making the protagonist a different species to make him/her different, you'll get some flak.
>>27813294
He was born in a different country, where >70% of the country isn't pure pony.
I actually meant sphinx.
It actually is an important plot point, he comes from a lower rung of nobility, which prides itself on being 'pure' and him being born 'non-pure' is a source of contention and conflict between him and his family.
>>27813099
He's still reading it. AAG must be like water to a dehydrated man.
Water laced with raw insanity, mind you, but something to savor in its rarity all the same.
>>27813430
And to think that if that Anon hadn't randomly decided to read AAG, we probably wouldn't have gotten a glimpse into the abyss of insanity that is the shink-verse.
>>27810589
Perhaps "OW OW OW" is actually German for "OUCH OUCH OUCH."
>>27813449
This would be a very, very different series of threads without it, given how many times that guy's existence and his story have come up in passing.
>>27813466
Autismo would have less jimmies rustled, at the very least.
>>27813099
I finished reading it, but haven't had time to write it up yet. I'll do that tomorrow.
It started out okay but then went off the rails. By which I mean it started out kind of dumb, but then got really dumb. On the bright (?) side, it looks like half of Pip's love pentahedron is about to be resolved. On the not-so-bright side, there's still another goddamn chapter left to go before the end of book 1. And the main issue of the past 25,000 words (Twilight's plan to cure everybody of the nightmare magic poison-itis) still hasn't been resolved. The latest chapter ends just as they're about to begin the ritual.
>>27813461
I think it's a misspelling of "oh".
>>27813495
So in other words it is exactly the kind of insanity that you wanted in the first place, given how much you enjoy Celestia's massively overcomplex love problems?
>>27813558
Oh, hell yes. I was honestly getting kind of bored halfway through the chapter, but then they spent ten pages talking about DJ's issues instead of getting on with the big important ritual thing (which apparently requires all the princesses, all the M6 with their jewellery, Sweetie Belle, Nice Pepsi, and 3 or 4 other random characters that somehow got dragged into this shit).
>>27813582
Link to AAG please? I want to get in on the insanity.Mostly because I'm slightly insane myself.
>>27813592
Go for it:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/25148/allamerican-girl
Chapter 3 or 4 is where it really goes to hell.
>>27813603
>Chapter 3 or 4 is where it really goes to hell.
Actually, strike that. I forgot how crazy DJ's backstory is in chapter 1.
