>"He ate the last of the eggs and wiped the plate with the tortilla and ate the tortilla and drank the last of the coffee and wiped his mouth and looked up and thanked her."
How can he keep getting away with shit like this?
I'd love to see the quality of the writing in the novels you've published. Oh wait...
>>8111105
>literally choosing a line that has "tortilla" in it.
Try harder anon.
>>8111139
Most self-respecting writers wouldn't publish literal shit. The problem is that John Green isn't a self-respecting """""""author"""""""".
>>8111139
>You can't criticize anyone unless you do what they do
Kill yourself.
>>8111105
pic unrelated
THE SUMMER CLASSIC
>>8111265
I can't believe it's June already...where did the time go...
>>8111336
In that case I would have made the quote cereal themedwhich I fucking should have
>>8111342
don't beat yourself up you can always make another thread famalam, /lit/ can never have too many John Green threads
>>8111254
hit a nerve?
>>8111139
You don't need to be a chef to know shit tastes bad.
>>8111254
Hes right though. Its like a music """""""""critic"""""""" like fantano with very surface level knowledge and no talent shitting on musicians and doing the liberal schlick of pulling this meme argument out
Thank you, OP, for proving what a dumpster-tier author Cormac McCarthy is.
Literally can't into syntax or flow.
>>8111105
Cormac McCarthy is looking good these days.
>>8111597
Good to know I can't dislike any songs until I can play sweet home Alabama.
>>8111105
Hey, it's good enough for teenagers; what were you expecting?
>>8111936
It's good enough for the middle school level. Don't get ahead of yourself.
>>8111139
>le "you cant criticize!" author-artist insecurity meme
said by every fake pseud ever
>>8111922
he must moisturize
>previously read his classic breakfast quote and scoff at what shit writing it is
>see this quote and think "Really, that's pretty good. The only reason /lit/ won't like it is because it's John Green."
>tfw my honest taste has been shown to be superb by this thread
>>8111402
shes right you know
are you published then?
>>8111105
That hurts my ears, even it is through sub-vocalization.
>>8111922
This particular example doesn't flow very well imho, but I think McCarthy uses polysyndeton well, and it definitely makes the prose flow better, and sound better to me.
>>8111600
It's Biblical style prose. I recognized it as McCarthy immediately upon reading it, because he's pretty much the only major author who strives so strongly to emulate Biblical prose.
>>8111597
Except Fantano has actually played, there's videos of it, and they are very good
>le quote respected authors alongside a picture of john greene bait
seriously just FUCK OFF
it wasn't funny the first time and it isn't funny off
>>8113015
i hope youre baiting
when is someone going to IRL fuck with John Green?
tired of this rage being impotent, someone at least do some meme shit under his nose at a book signing, like put "haha just kidding, kill yourself you hack" on the first page of his book where he might sign it or whatever if you're unwilling to go to jail.
>>8111105
Why does he use the word "and" so often?
I speak English as a second language and even I can tell how shitty his prose really is.
>>8113346
Don't get the wrong idea, there's an exception to everything. It's entirely possible that someone can write a decent, well-cadenced sentence broken up with multiple "and" conjunctions. John Green was blessed with enough autism to remember historical dates and events and make it digestible for pseuds through bottom-of-the-barrel meme humor YouTube videos. Unfortunately, the "omg I passed world history 1 thx 2 u! ur like so witty 2" comments, thumbs ups, and views came flooding with such ferocity that he ventured into making overpriced fire kindling.
Can't say I hate the fellow at his core, in fact I might have even gotten along great with him. I mostly hate the person he's become: a living meme sustained by praise and money.
>>8113385
Memes made flesh
Where's the passage about NMH?
>>8113308
Corncob "tortillas" Yecarthy isn't respected by anybody but dusty texans and pseuds
>>8113872
t. pleb
>>8113879
That's cute coming from an admirer of Corncob "tortillas" Yecarthy
>>8113581
north field mount hermon?
>>8113903
t. pseud
>>8111139
This argument only works if you're ok with never being able to say something is good either.
>>8114094
No u
>>8111105
That's also the entirety of Less Than Zero. All those fucking "and"s.
Story and character are more important than whatever purple prose you're writing
>>8114312
pleb
>>8114351
>getting this mad
>>8113272
Gerard Reve
>>8114670
pleb
>>8114800
Enjoy your ban
>>8113346
This is a good example of what I call the andelope: a breathless string of simple declarative statements linked by the conjunction "and". Like the "evocative" slide-show and the Consumerland shopping-list, the andelope encourages skim-reading while keeping up the appearance of 'literary' length and complexity. But like the slide-show (and unlike the shopping-list), the andelope often clashes with the subject matter, and the unpunctuated flow of words bears no relation to the methodical meal that is being described.
>>8111402
who is this? I recognise her but the name escapes me
>>8113333
No but i know you're baiting
>>8115284
pleb
>>8113272
>the Biblical prose style meme
We know. We've all heard it before. You can't criticize it because it's shitty on purpose. We know.
>>8111597
So if a plane crashes due to the pilot you can't say "hey you did a pretty bad job crashing that plane" because you haven't flied a plane yourself?
>>8115424
>Laughing my laughing my ass off off at this
>What
>>8115424
pleb
>>8115460
If he managed to crash the place with no survivors I'd say he did a good job
>>8113335
That thought fills me with glee.
>>8111139
>Ad strawmanem
>>8111597
Just because he's not even wrong doesn't mean he's right
>>8111929
>Let me imply that you're a southerner for saying this
>Naturally I'm also implying that all southerners are dumb.
>>8113288
yeah no. Playing a couple of g chords on cover songs is not talent or creativity.
>>8115460
Well there is a difference between judging the merit of art through self knowledge anf applicable creativity or talent and judging whether or not an object hit the ground
>>8113015
Its prosaic. The only reason anyone can get away with a sentence structure with so many 'ands' in it is because of Hemingway but even he would probably kick John Greens was if he had met him.
>>8111139
>im terminally retarded
I'm sorry to hear that, anon.
>>8113375
Sigh. So much effort. So little knowledge
>>8116675
>yeah no. Playing a couple of g chords on cover songs is not talent or creativity.
How do you know? Could I have signed proof of all the bands you've played in and hit albums you've released?
>>8111139
how come no one replied about the qt
>>8114324
But Less Than Zero is mostly written as a strung-out internal monologue, so I can excuse it there even if it does get overbearing
>>8115325
seriously underrated post
t. James Wood
Anyone who posts john green on here or /his/ should be perma-banned
>>8116675
Fantano played bass in a Lightning Bolt rip-off, it's more complex than a couple of G chords or whatever
>>8115460
he didn't fly so good
>>8116675
There are multiple ways to make a plane hit the ground and some of them are immeasurably better than others.
Scully on the Hudson? Gr8 M8
Overloaded Cessna stalling on takeoff? Hope they had life insurance.
>>8116675
If you can't appreciate the dexterity and apprehension of serious critics, you're kind of lost here. A lot of philosophers speculated on aesthetics without creating visual art of their own, but their speculations were well reasoned, emulated, and thus set (high) standards for artists later to follow. You have absolute freedom to claim a position on something, whether it be comprehensive or ignorant.
You hacks will condemn people for critiquing some pop-lit author but suck the dicks of prolific authors who never ran as politicians, yet still condemned the state and its authorities.
>>8111105
>All those Ands
>Mentioning Tortilla
He was definitely reading Mc Carthy around that time. No way he was not.
>>8113246
He also doesn't sound like a 15 year old writing for the first time
>>8117510
That's some good deduction you little genius
>>8111105
>"Why are breakfast foods breakfast foods?" I asked them. "Like, why don't we have curry for breakfast food?"
>"Hazel, eat."
>"But why?" I asked. "I mean, seriously: How did scrambled eggs get stuck in with breakfast exclusivity? You can put bacon on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has an eggs, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich."
>Dad answered with his mouth full. "When you come back, we'll have breakfast for dinner. Deal?"
>"I don't want to have 'breakfast for dinner,'" I answered, crossing knife and fork over my mostly full plate. "I want to have scrambled eggs for dinner without this ridiculous construction that scrambled eggs-inclusive meal is breakfast even when it occurs at dinnertime."
>"You've gotta pick your battles in this world, Hazel," my mom said. "But if this is the issue you want to champion, we stand behind you."
>"Quite a bit behind you," my dad added, and Mom laughed.
>Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for scrambled eggs.
>>8118958
Can't be real...
>>8119035
The funny thing is that these threads would be much more effective if they simply used authentic John Green excerpts like that one. They are fucking baffling.
>>8118958
I really hate that man
>>8118958
>breakfast food
>breakfast exclusivity
>ridiculous construction
>we stand behind you
>quite a bit behind you
Who would ever, ever say these words/phrases?
>>8119623
John Green in one of his four minute vlogbrothers videos where he talks in run on sentences really fast in one breath and in a pseudo-sarcastic inflection.
>>8113335
Me and my buddy saw John Green at Rutgers University one time. He was having a luncheon with a couple of professors who had invited him to speak at some function or another, and we yelled over his way that his books were trash. He just kind of looked our way, said nothing, and continued with his meal. Like a cuck.
is it fair to blame the miscommunication between men and women and why wars happen on john green's writing. I think so.
>“That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfast cereals based on color instead of taste.”
>― John Green, Paper Towns
Why is he so obsessed with breakfast cereal?
>>8121394
breakfast cereal is the most revealing cultural trait in this century. he understands this, and so do the critics.
>>8111254
He is right tho.
>>8118958
It's a metaphor, you see.
Nice bait, OP.
>>8111105
>read my own work and get annoyed that I used the same word twice in one paragraph
>think I'm never going to make it
>see this shit
>mfw
>>8118958
>Millennial Intellectuals
“I'm in love with you," he said quietly.
"Augustus," I said.
"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you"
>>8122216
"A few light taps upon the pane made him turn to the window. It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, on the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead." (Joyce, The Dead)
He used falling 6 times, snow 3 times, and hill twice and this is considered one of the best paragraphs ever written
>>8111105
Is this actually real?
>>8111105
he writes for teenage girls and in doing so has rotted his brain down to that level, if it had ever ascended beyond it in the first place.
>>8123896
>Google it
>it's fucking real
>>8123896
"The Horror, The Horror," he said quietly.
"Kurtz," I said.
"I've seen horrors," he said staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm not in the business of being an enemy of horror. I saw the pile of arms, and I know that horror has a face, and that judgement defeats us, and I know the genius of that. The Will to do that and the horror.
>>8123964
>Kurtz
>Heart of Darkness
also
>muh ad hominem John Green hate
>>8124034
Missing the point this hard. I ad hominem hate you.
>>8118958
>"Why is assassination evil when assassins do it?" I asked him. "Like, why don't regular soldiers assassinate when they kill the enemy?"
>"Kurtz, die."
>"But why?" I asked. "I mean, seriously: How did some things get stuck with war crime exclusively? We train soldiers to bomb civilians but don't let them put fuck on the side of their plane because that's obscene."
>Willard answered with his mouth agape, "When the war's over we'll tell them you were a great man."
>"I don't want to be a great man" I answered, "There's nothing I detest more than the stench of lies and the construction of civilization even when it occurs at wartime."
>" You've gotta pick you battles in this world, Kurtz," The Journalist said. "But if this is the issue you want to champion, we stand behind you."
>"Quite a bit behind you," Willard added, and the photo journalist laughed nervously.
>Anyway I knew it was crazy, but I felt kind of bad for the trained assassins.
>>8124081
kek
sorry for derailing the massive reddit-worthy circlejerk
“I'm in love with your farties," he said quietly.
"James," I said.
"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I love your arse full of farts, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of inhaling them. I'm in love with the sudden immodest noises made by your behind, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when the fat dirty farts sputtering from your arse will no longer come entwined with a lovely smell, and I know the sun will swallow the only dirty cunt you'll ever have, and I am in love with you, my little fuckbird"
>>8124108
Eruditional kek!
>>8123964
>>8124081
When you put John Green into a non-breakfast situation you realize how much of a girl he is. Not just the subject matter, the syntax and flow of it. You can call it "nerdy" all you want, he's a low functioning embarrassment to the human race.
How does a man become like John Green?
>>8111105
So you're saying that the guy who does those history videos on Youtube also wrote The Fault in Our Stars?
>>8124081
Is that from Catch-22?
>>8124456
It's a rework of the quote about with the characters from Apocalypse now.
Thanks though; It's good to know I can't write as bad as John Green even when I copy him.
>>8123918
Are those adverbs I see?
Joyce confirmed for shit tier.
ALL HAIL JOHN GREEN
POPE OF THE BANAL PLATITUDE
FUHRER OF FALSE AUTHENTICITY
HARBINGER OF THE MILLENNIAL TWEEN GENERATION THAT WILL NEVER END
"YEA, I SAY UNTO YOU THAT EVEN A 37 YEAR OLD MAN CAN BE A 17 YEAR OLD BOY, IF HE BUT RETARDS HIS MIND AND SPIRIT BY READING MY GOOD WORKS"
TWITTER 2:13
"GO FORTH, AND FEEL INDIVIDUATED EVEN WHEN YOU AREN'T; I SAY, GO FORTH, AND FEEL LIKE A TORTURED GENIUS WHEN YOU ARE BUT A TEENAGE GIRL"
EPISTLES TO REDDIT 12:21
"AND TO BE HOLY: IS IT NOT TO BE QUIRKY? AND TO BE QUIRKY: IS IT NOT TO BE EMPTILY EXCITABLE, JOKELESSLY SARDONIC?"
THE GOSPEL OF ALASKA 142:3
>>8111211
John Green isn't a self-respecting anything.
>>8124081
>>"Why is assassination evil when assassins do it?" I asked him. "Like, why don't regular soldiers assassinate when they kill the enemy?"
>>"Kurtz, die."
>>8122216
if it works it works, there are no rules family
>>8121394
How does the one follow the other though? That's worse than sophistry, it implies that everything can only have one quality.
It would be like saying "That's always seemed ridiculous to me, that people wanted to buy something because it was cheaper, It's like picking your city based on its tax code instead of the community."
Fuck, I think I accidentally John Greened.
>>8111139
"Uhhh this soup doesn't taste very good"
"Yeah, have you ever even made soup before? Yeah, I didn't think so, so shut your mouth"
>>8123896
It doesn't mean anything, it's just pretty words chained together to form nonsense
>>8124484
>Choose to win the game or die heroically
>Choose
Has John Green ever played a videogame?
>>8126039
I guess you didn't understand John Green believes in Radical Individualism, and total Free Will. He's a radical libertarian of the Austrian School and he chooses to express his deeply held beliefs through bad video game metaphors.
>>8111105
People who hate on John Green don't understand how cynical he is.
He knows the biggest market for book buyers is women and girls, and he knows they buy them in a supermarket.
If you don't understand how The Fault in Our Stars affects a female reader, you will never sell.
>>8126268
I think that's wishful thinking. He's too much of a girlish man-child to be pretending.
>>8113335
I'm stealing a joke here but I want to tell him "John, your books bomb, and your reward for all your work is being surrounded by virgin teenagers, so you're basically a suicide bomber".
