Have been wanting to set up the idea of this kind of story for years.
Anybody have any pointers? The last time I tried to get some help from /lit/, it didn't work out because I was trying to hide the fact with a slow buildup.
Will be more frank and forthcoming this time.
Honestly, if I provide info, details and writing samples, how many of you would be willing to critique?
>>8096195
post the beginning we don't need info and details
>>8096146
So you're ripping of the Hunger Games?
>>8096146
>>8096195
Unless you have a legitimate knowledge of children wielding weapons against enemies who are willing and capable of brutalizing them and leaving them wounded and dead in the streets for beliefs they don't even have the mental capacity to understand with historically accurate and an objective narrative, my advice is don't.
And since your looking for ideas on 4chan I think it's pretty safe to say you don't have that credential.
All memes and dumbfuckery aside, the idea of that child being shot and killed in a real field of battle really fucks me up.
Sorry for the delay. Wireless went out.
>>8096215
I never watched any of the hunger games films, read those books and don't even remotely care too. That dystopian/totalitarian setting is NOT my thing. Legitimate historical Eras past and present are my thing. World setting AS-IS that we live in and historical events/criminals/laws being a legitimate factor according to the specified point in time.
>>8096216
You're thinking in a very narrow-minded POV. So far as you know, the term "Child Soldiers" only takes one particular form.
The image I used for the thread is just something I randomly googled, but don't base what I'm saying on what your understanding is on this right now. I'm aiming a bit higher and as a result, a few shades more unsettling simply because I'm surprised nobody seems to have attempted it before so far as I know.
If you can't stomach the thought of the mental disturbances and potential consequences and repercussions of exploring the themes involved with the normal world-understood horrors of this stuff, I might not expect you to go too far into what I'm delving into.
I'll be nice and use some spoiler tags ahead just in case.
>>8096211
Already had a thread earlier, so the link is gonna look familiar to a few anons.
https://www.docdroid.net/7e91KDs/test-sample.pdf.html
I also am looking for constructive criticism before I tackle the Primary
>>8095195
>attached Image on this post is a tweak based on a few criticisms.
Not being dishonest when I say this, but it isn't readily apparent from the start where this is going because the approach is different.
>All children recruited from crime-related backgrounds.
>Each character will be introduced at different points in time accordig to actual time sometime during the 70's.>the child soldiers are actually under contract from American government as an international hit squad and task force that explicitly kills. Themes of Psychological trauma, Political affairs and the horrors of many various crimes ranging from war crimes to various means of skin and drug trafficking will be explored.
>Different children recruited in different places from around the world with different sociopathic or various degrees of detached personalities.
>Different Languages will be represented as accurately as possible.>No kiddy fluff here. An injury will last it's proper length until treated properly. A death is a death. Full stop.
Any fantastical elements introduced are limited and only to better enhance the plot dynamic, but not used as a crutch.There is no singular main character. The main character is the journey itself.
Any character that appears has potential to be an antagonist. No characters has any favor over another.
I have a very clear Idea of how I want to see the story concluded and have absolutely no intention of stretching the story past a very specific chronological year, month and day.
>>8096216
>"the idea of that child being shot and killed in a real field of battle really fucks me up."
>he doesn't obtain refined pleasure in watching street urchins holding AK-47s with their soft little hands, shaking wildly as they empty magazines into each other's clay
haha look at this pleb
>>8096543
OP here.
There is a lot of really rough material out there and the saddest reality of all is that in real life, many Child Soldiers develop a skewed world perspective that is morbidly terrifying for their age.
In fact, do a check-up on a pair called Johnny and Luther Htoo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkebbEAAqWA
>>8096146
I know a guy who was a child soldier. He got shot and became a Jehova witness. A nice guy, he seem to got over that part of his life
>>8096558
well that was one of the most bizarre, stranger-than-fiction things I've seen in my life.
so you're ripping off beasts of no nation?
>>8096594
>I'm starting to think this "so, you're ripping off" phrase is a meme of some sort.
To my knowledge, Beasts of No Nation was conceived long after the story Concept I've planned by a factor of at least 15 or so years. I thought of the idea and had to do some world travel in order to do some up-close and personal research on a few cultures and countries so certain details were authentic as possible, something that just sitting behind a keyboard can't measure up to.
Furthemore after doing a quick look into that piece of media, there's literally nothing at all that it has in common with what I've been setting up a foundation for.As if it was necessary to go that far since you clearly didn't bother reading the linked pdf file. The focal character and location in that brief snippet was from Brooklyn and was still in the city when recruited on a common city street, in broad daylight.
Also.
Ctrl+F. Search "International"Understand that I wasn't exaggerating. Expect a team of child soldiers from different countries that actually travel to different countries in order to murder people. And that's just one of the three main opening guidelines.
I'm not here for memes and according to what I've researched, this has no apt comparisons as there's much I've not mentioned in regards to what primary driving Story beats I've elected to follow. That said, trolling/baiting or not, it's rather premature to jump to conclusions, especislly when you lack information.
>>8096215
hunger games are itself a ripoff of the battle royale
>>8096651
You've had this idea for 15 years and travelled the world to research it? Just fucking write it. Why are you asking us for pointers, no one here could tell you anything but "read some books on the subject".
>>8097184
>circling the wagon instead of helping repair the cart wheels.I take it your goal is to intentionally be as unsupportive as possible?
This part should not really be answered, but there is good reason for that.Initially, it wasn't initially meant to be something that was supposed to result in a book. It was one of a few group projects for something else along with other things, but this one is one of the bunch that didn't make it to it's initially intended media. I'm not letting the research and years worth of work go to waste and doig something productive with it.Keep in mind that I'm telling you this despite the notion I'm getting that you will find anything I say to your satisfaction. I'm asking for Gordon-Ramsay-style criticism, ot Oscar the Grouch-style griping about details that should not be a factor in your responses. This is /lit/, not /pol/ or /b/.
Also, judging what choices I made external to actually helping with what I'm asking for isn't the point of the thread. I'm asking for those with insight to help me improve my writing craft by criticizing my shortcomings with the material I've provided a sample of, not what choices were made that lead to why I'm asking. As I mentioned before, it's not precisely my strong suit and what I'm doing is pretty much a rough job of me adapting what wasn't initially intended for a BOOK to being a complete story in as close a form as a book as possible.
>>8097388
Also, here's a concept image that was based on what was intended to be instructors and Disciplinary officers.
There is a lot of mterial that I'll be processing, which is why I'm asking /lit/ t help whip me into proper shape.
I know I need to find my own voice and not just copy every other writer I've read before, but I'm still going to need to have my craft examined carefully and scrutinized for improvement.
>>8096146
watch the movie "Johnny Mad Dog"
it's fucking crazy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvNayHj1ijU
>>8097519
>JMD
No.
I guess you're basing your entire understanding off of the image and not the descriptions I gave.
The context is nothing like that.Imagine a PMC like Blackwater, but composed of Children and operated by U government, funded directly and supplied with the most up-to-date hardware of the era.
This is the international hit squad. As I mentioned before, not the traditionally-assumed poliitical image of a third-world struggling child made victim of a collapsing government or soceity
> https://www.docdroid.net/7e91KDs/test-sample.pdf.html
As the PDF file goes to lengths to point out,these characters are by their own choice and free will electing to abandon their lives when offered, fully knowing the risks, but yet to learn the cold, hard reality until it hits them.
These are individuals armed to the teeth and operating something like US navy seals, and none of the settings or visual detail include any sort of impovershed third-world environments.
It can only be repeated so many times that I'm using the exact definition of a child soldier without the normal political connotations that are arbitrarily attached to it.
>>8096146
Watch the film, The Beasts of No Nation
I've written a story along these lines. What it needs to come down to in the end is not to convey the child as other than anything than a child holding a gun. Don't try to make it a coming of age story, don't try to make the kid decide the difference between right and wrong. They're just meat with an AK47. Don't go against that and you'll be ahead of the pack.
>>8097634
>Miss.
>>8096651
>>8096484
>>8097619
Not even close. Not by a country mile.
Keep it over home plate.
As in, if you're expecting deteriorated housing and jungles for the combat sequences, you're mistaken. If you're expecting the Sears Tower, the city streets of Naples, Downtown Queens or in front of a police station in Sydney, you'd be more on the mark.
Pic related.
>>8097619
I don't give a fuck what your description is
if you can't take something useful out of johnny mad dog you're fucking useless
regardless I'm sure you're never going to make anything worthwhile
>>8097684
what are you even doing, it's like you want to find the book you're trying to write instead of writing it, how retarded are you? do you know how writing works?
jesus christ there is no hope for you
>>8097677
>legit direction for a change.
Oh, I know how to handle THAT aspect. I just want to have other aspects of my writing form examined.
As a person wh has to adapt material to a more functional written story, I'll need to have elements of how I'm composing it all analyzed be people who will honestly scrutinize the craft without kissing my ass for just knowing the subject matter.
You ever see the movie "Heat"?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL9fnVtz_lc
Or if instead you're an anime/manga afficianado, ever read/watch any of "Ghost in the Shell?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2mXrndt1ZI
>>8097707
I said "No" simply because I already know what use is in JMD. The problem is that the context of the film doesn't line up with what I'm aiming for aside from gunfire and lives being lost.
Whether or not I like the film or whether or not you do or find personal investment in it is not important so long as you've read what I mentioned earlier which you've admitting to not be interested in, which defeats the entire point of you suggesting JMD in the first place. I'm not trying to be rude about this. I can't actively contradict what I've said or how much material I'm sitting on just on account of the narrative not being confined inside the box that JMD sits itself in.
Sure, viewing certain beats through the Filter of JMD is okay at some points, but considering that actual characters aside from children and government officers in buildings pushing pens and making demands is also a huge factor, It can't be overstated enough that JMD has limited function at all in what I'm going for contains a healthy portion of interpolitical play like that found in :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elite_Squad:_The_Enemy_Within
...but across several countries.
Even if you wanted to tout JMD for something, please don't make that your hill to die on in this thread.Especially after you brought it up after I gave a sample of the material. I know the material I have at present. This will be around 1200 pages at the very least due to how layered the themes and narrative parts are.
I came for criticism and critique for honestefforts at improvising my craft and actually offered a sample. /lit/'s opinion on what was was provided and in what constructive ways the craft of narrative style can be rectified if it seems shoddy or weak.
