I did my best, but I want honest and tough, constructive criticism.
I'm not well-crafted yet in my prose and tone, I think, but I would like as much feedback as possible to improve.
If Anonymous demands it, I can improvise where needed and try to build off of this.I don't want to go into details, but I need to improve a lot before the year is over. I have the drive and time needed to improve even if this isn't my strong suit. I know this might not be the best place to go, but it's a start for the time being.
https://www.docdroid.net/7e91KDs/test-sample.pdf.html
>>8095195
Oh, forgot.
31 pages, but the pages should be short enough.
>>8095195
4/10 prose
0/10 plot - that was the most bland and uneventful scene I've ever read (the first one). Didn't make it to the second.
>>8095207
>reading for plot
>>8095207
So I should try to accelerate getting to the point?
I'm sure it is bland and uneventful in the beginning, but I'm not exactly going for starships, harry potter or even swords & sorcery. I'm going for a general idea of what type of specific improvements I could go on.
It may not be clear at first, but it's generally taking place during the mid-to-late 1970's and locations actually physically exist in the real world. I try keeping as much grounded as I can so I don't get carried away just yet with anything too extravagant.
>>8095195
I'm only the first paragraph in but Jesus you phrase things awkwardly.
>either of the three
>Despite the start of the spring season
Put a little more thought into how you word things and It'll become immeasurably easier to read.
>>8095318
Noted. I'll take that to heart.
I want a laundry list of criticisms from top to bottom.
Please, don't let up. I don't exactly have the time to be worried about ego. I came to /lit/ for this, so I know to expect some higher level of harsh judgement.
>>8095318
>>8095207
>pic related
How's this for a bit of improvement?
Honestly, I can do this on-the-fly and as often as necessary. I have nothing better to be doing, so all meaningful, valid and constructive criticism is welcome.
>>8095195
Read this, and edot your work accordingly.
https://litreactor.com/essays/chuck-palahniuk/nuts-and-bolts-“thought”-verbs
>>8096259
*Edit. Sorry for the ironic typo. On a phone.
>>8096261
Thanks.
Any and all help is appreciated.
Going to move the thread on over here now:
>>8096146
Same OP here and there.
