I'm starting to consider if the possibility of living as a girl.
Since I was about 5 years old, I've loved crossdressing. It was always a very sensual experience for me, but it was done secretly. It quickly became a hyper-sexual behavior when I was in my teens.
It wasn't until I started doing psychedelics a couple years ago (I'm 24 now) that I was able to come to terms with it and not view it in a negative context. Recently, I've started contemplated the concept of living my life as a girl.
That said, I never seriously considered living as a girl for the first 20 years of my life, for a few reasons. I'm a handsome guy and I have never identified as a girl nor do I feel like I am one deep down. I also like women. I am probably bisexual, however, as I also like passable FTMs transgenders, and I fantasize about getting fucked by a man while I'm in "girl mode".
I've realized I can't do both. In the last year I've put on a very noticeable amount of muscle mass, and I continue to hit the gym and eat. Also have a full beard. I have always kept the crossdressing to one or two dedicated weeks out of the entire year, usually in the winter so I can shave my body without anyone finding out.
Anyway, I'm not so sure what to think. I'm not insecure with my sexuality or identity, I just don't know if transitioning is even a good idea. It seems like you have to put all your eggs in one basket. I'd have to grow my hair out, stop hitting the gym, lose weight, and then start taking HRT, and I'd probably avoid my family for a long time, and possibly my friends. So much effort and then I might not even be passable. I have a manly chin/jaw, and my shoulders are broad.
But I've been depressed and insecure with myself since for the past 10 years of my life and I'm fucking sick of it. I like radical change and taking risks, I don't take life seriously. But there's a lot of reasons I can think of that making transitioning sound like a terrible idea.
pic related is me
>>6168511
typo, meant to say passable MtF transgenders
>>6168511
Read the "so you want to be a girl" text. Just google it. It's on some trans wiki. Really good to read if you are even thinking of getting on the tranny train. It's not an easy life and it will be a downgrade in so many ways.
If that is you then you have great legs and ass,
Dude if you don't identify as a woman, don't transition. It's that simple, DESU.
Potentially destroying your life so you can have a longer cross dressing fantasy is not being transgender. :^)
>>6168585
Yeah, your points are valid and it's my main line of reasoning here.
But I'm looking at it from different perspective lately. I've been obsessed with crossdressing since I was literally 5, it was one of my first memories. I suppressed it to some for most of my life and as a result it became a secret obsession and it's not healthy.
I avoid it as much as a I can, and like I said I usually only do it 1 or 2 weeks a year. I once went over 2 years without it, and it just sounded more and more erotic and tempting until it came back even stronger than before.
I can't seem to stop it completely. The fantasies will always be there and simply masturbating to them doesn't make them go away. Meditation has helped but it would require that I basically become semi-celibate and abstain from sexual behavior in general, even having sex with a women can bring up my libido enough to make me want to start doing it again.
Another thing, I've been with 6 women in my life and I had ED with all of them. It wasn't performance anxiety. I think my sexuality is just wired to strongly to feminization and that sort of thing, my brain was adapted to it from 5 years old onward.
>>6168657
Seeing therapist can't hurt anon. Get a second opinion from a professional.
>>6168568
Thanks for that. I've never read anything like that, they made me aware of some things I hadn't considered. Honestly though I think of life as one big game, and I'm not afraid of death anymore. So I'm still willing to take the risk.
>If that is you then you have great legs and ass
Thank you. I happen to think the main reason I ever started considering transitioning is that my body type may be suitable for this, at the very least.
>>6168695
I plan to do such a thing, I'm just going to find someone with a good reputation, tell them my whole story and then see if he can give me any referrals or advice of his own.
>>6168511
Where do you live? I need room mates. If you're in the United States, we should meet up and swap stories. I'm 24 but will be 25 soon. I'm MTF I am not looking for a tranny sex thing or a hookup from anyone born with penis parts. I am in the exact boat as you but i stopped going to the gym and lost my muscle mass and felt happier after I cut my beard. I'm trying to get courage enough to do a documentary about it, but I know as soon as I start that it means accepting my reality.
Why don't you just stop asking yourself whether you "are trans" and start asking "what would make me happy?" for me it was "catch myself falling into manhood and hopefully desperately at least buy myself some time forward if not turn the clock back".
>>6169057
MI
>Why don't you just stop asking yourself whether you "are trans" and start asking "what would make me happy?
This is what I've been doing. Definitely not the epitome of a FTM transperson. Probably not even ideal. But the chance at happiness is worth it.
For now I'm going to keep dating, maybe I just haven't found the right girl.
>>6168568
Hahahahahahaha
Transitioning after age 16 turns you into 'Caitlyn' Jenner
sweet jesus dont let that go to waste live it up anon you only get one life and one body to life in
>>6169242
Compare Caitlyn Jenner age 65 to Janae Marie Kroc age 43. OP is actually more hourglass shaped on testosterone than Janae is on HRT.
>>6168511
Trans acceptance is moving really fast. You may be a tranny today, but 5-10 years from now you might be considered a woman to some degree, even if you don't 100% pass.
>It's 2020 and people still don't consider transwomen women?
>I can't even.
>Wow just wow.
Btw, you sound AGPish and thats ok, be sure to check out the AGPgen threads. What you have will never go away. That constant depression and insecurity might be your testosterone making you feel like shit. You might feel alot better on hrt even though your "not trans".
>>6169574
>Btw, you sound AGPish and thats ok, be sure to check out the AGPgen threads. What you have will never go away. That constant depression and insecurity might be your testosterone making you feel like shit. You might feel alot better on hrt even though your "not trans".
Haven't even heard of AGP, had to look it up. That definitely sounds accurate. I have gotten turned on by my own pictures and videos, though that's simply because it lets me fantasize easier. I remember being a child and having constantly having fantasies about my female classmates capturing me and dressing me up like a women. That was before puberty and it was already sexual in nature.
These sort of things are as much a part of me as the color of my hair and I've accepted that. But I've realized I can't fight it, I can only accept it and let it take it's own course. I can either become a celibate monk and let it fizzle down a bit, with it constantly in the back of my mind, OR I can embrace it and stop resisting the current.
I think what I specifically have is a series of related fantasies/mild fetishes that are so ingrained in the physical structure of my brain that I can't ever eliminate them for good.
Even if I go weeks without masturbating, looking at porn, fantasizing, meditating constantly, eventually everything comes back in full force, it's 100 feet high and 5 miles wide, nowhere to hide and nothing I can do.
>>6171619
>I think what I specifically have is a series of related fantasies/mild fetishes that are so ingrained in the physical structure of my brain that I can't ever eliminate them for good.
a lot of people in the agpgen have this kind of razionalization that makes very little sense. you're mind is not a set of closed places that are unrelated to everything else. if something feels like a permanent part of you then it's not just a tiny bit of your head that you can abandon and ignore.
it's one of those very evident repressions that everyone can tell except yourself.
>>6172559
Are you familiar with neuroplasticity? The entire purpose of adolescence is to hardwire the brain towards sex (or whatever the fuck it is that attracts you). Since this was a part of my life since 5 years old, it's likely not going to ever go away completely.
>you're mind is not a set of closed places that are unrelated to everything else
No of course not, but there are distinct pathways in the brain that determine our sexuality, behavior, ideas, etc that were formed from stimuli.
>if something feels like a permanent part of you then it's not just a tiny bit of your head that you can abandon and ignore.
it's one of those very evident repressions that everyone can tell except yourself.
I'm not even following this. This is a permanent part of me as far as I'm concerned, which is why I specifically stated that I've stopped trying to abandon it and ignore it. It was suppressed most of my life, consciously, because I didn't think it was compatible with everything else. That's all there is to it.
>>6168568
Are you talking about this one, dear?
https://tgchatroom.com/wiki/index.php/So_You_Want_To_Be_a_T-Girl_%28Chapter_1%29
xoxo
Donna
>>6171619
join us faggot
>>6163245
>>6172559
what are you saying?
>>6168568
lmfao
>>6175368
What did you find funny about that? Genuinely curious i only skimmed it. This is OP btw
>>6168511
tl;dr
If you can pass do it, but don't cut your dick off!
never go full retard
>>6175863
They're trolling you with this link. It's a kind of a meme around here. Also, if you want serious advice, I'd still suggest Reddit. It's a hugbox and very PC/SJW, but at least you won't get trolled.
>>6175897
I dod post on reddit and got mixed but very helpful responses. They have absurdly strong ideologies though and it pisses me the fuck off, the lgbt culture in general is awful and based on sociology and nonsense psychology. Almost none of it is based on neurology or evolutionary biology
>>6175897
Also why is that link even a meme/troll in the first place?
>>6175978
>Almost none of it is based on neurology or evolutionary biology
that might have to do with neurology only working when they prove previously baseless psychology theories and regularly sucking at comming up with new theories. it's like the field is composed mostly of engineers who lack any creative interpretative thinking.
And evolutionary biology is pretty much a meme, there are some good people working the field but they can't change something that started so wrong.
>>6175987
Because tolerable looking trannies that fail because of zero socialization like to make fun of ugly trannies who work too hard for socialization. They assume people following old advices that most people never heard off somehow hurts how well they'll be seen the unknown day they walk out of the house.
4chan being teens, basically.
>>6175863
I read it. To me it sounds like it was written years ago by someone whose transition did not work out well. And while social acceptance has changed (a little), I think it was dead on.
People see Caitlyn Jenner on magazine covers and think transitioning will work out. But she has a ton of money and prostitutes herself in the media to help pay for everything she has had done. None of you (us) will ever be that lucky.
To OP... I started like you but I've come to accept that I'll never get further than crossdressing. I do it, I like it and realize that is all I'll ever do.
