General original content/drawthread for /jp/sies. You may use this thread to contribute your works or to share ideas related to possible projects. Anything OC is welcomed; including drawings, writings, music, and programming.
Previous thread: >>15212758
Space marines shouldn't be allowed to be this cute.
>>15333533
She's actually a little ball of pure hatred. Just tell her she wont be getting ice cream.
>>15333543
even so i have balls of love to even out her hatred, if you know what i mean
got ptsd from painting lamenters checkers/heart pattern
fucking hell
>>15334099
It must be done.
I tried the other day, /jp/. Not trying for a few weeks have made me rusty.
>>15336992
Good work! Now start drawing lots of lewds of her pls!
>>15336992
I knew you were cute
>>15336992
I would pie that grill.
rate my boatsluts
>>15336992
cumworthy, would save up one week's worth of jizz over
Is this ok?
>>15336992
Is that Hange from shingeki no kyojin?
>>15340156
I always knew Remi was a Jew.
>>15340156
The nose is too large, oy vey
The shoulder feels kinda broad for a girl and the legs too long unless that was your intention and you wanted her to look trans.
>>15340156
im fuckign dying over here lmoa
>>15340156
I like the shading on the dress and detail on the wings
>>15340156
Remi is a jewish crossdresser!
>>15336992
Why does she looks so thirsty for semen?
I wouldn't mind feeding her everyday though
>>15340094
Pretty good, mate. Can't say for sure, but the left girl seems to have a somewhat large torso compared to her lower body. But the rest seems to be pretty much flawless, aside from the lack of detail at points.
>>15340156
The colours are all right, though I can't figure out under which circumstances the lighting and shading could make sense.
The left shoulder looks too large compared to the other one.
The dress looks very weird. The original "puffiness" is lost and it looks like a weirdly parted, fluttery rocket ship.
Her shoes make a clownish impression on me.
Her face indeed looks, to say the least, not very pretty. The nose is too long, the eyes too small or placed too high or both.
It's not as bad as I make it out to be, though. It's a fine piece of work that definetely has flaws, but at your level it should be easy to work those out. Ganbare, anon
Does it look like her buttons are kind of tight on her shirt and the skin is showing? I can't tell if I communicated that or not.
Also I didn't realize Kokoro had those cute buttons on her shirt. The child-likeness of them really compliment her black face.
>>15342532
>her black face
Kokoro is not a nigger, anon
>>15343289
cute lolis
tfw my trial period for opencanvas just run out today
>>15342532
It does. Why didn't you use thinner lines like you did on her hair?
>>15340156
These colors are bothering me, avoid using pure white and black as part of your shading palette.
Did some crap with PS, but it doesn't solve everything.
>>15336992
I want to lick those glasses, they look very... smooth.
>>15340094
Baseball-chan's thighs seem a bit too long for me. Not sure, though.
>>15342532
I think you need to exaggerate it a bit more, make the cramps as diagonal lines coming out from the button, like this: o<
This is looking pretty cute, not sure why add the tightness thing that sort of makes it less serious.
>>15343289
Girl 1 is lifting weights with her nose to catch up with >>15340156 !
>>15344728
Too bad it's impossible to obtain software for free, right?
Eye is a bit low/to the front, I think.
>>15348434
>Girl 1 is lifting weights with her nose to catch up with >>15340156 !
>>15348434
>I want to lick those glasses, they look very... smooth.
Now that you mention it...
What a strange urge, i'm getting it too. It's like gelatin.
Did a something,
>>15344728
That looks great!
I actually didn't realize that, thanks for pointing it out. I changed the resolution half way through inking but forgot to change my pen size.
>>15348915
not good enough to praise
not bad enough to mock
hey /jp
>>15336992
Blog?
>>15352758
Thank you! Having the jay not being a meanie is the utmost appraisal.
>>15355438
Seems lewder than your usual work, but it still just as nice.
>>15355438
lots of samefaces here.
>>15355438
me with the alien
>>15355438
I don't know if i love ham more for his cuties or because he pops out like that casually and disappears just like that
Enjoy my terrible oc donut steel.
>>15355438
I have no idea who that character is, but that alien drawing made my days. Thanks anon.
>>15357518
I'm glad you chose another character to desecrate and kept Pie-chan pure.
SXY
tfw noone saved your drawings that you posted since the dawn of the oc threasds
because they sucked
>>15357518
i enjoyed it anon but it makes me sad ;-;
I made this song a couple of months ago
https://my.mixtape.moe/fckjtn.mp3
https://my.mixtape.moe/bwcgrq.mp3
>>15360594
You should get more samples, nice song man. Is there anywhere I can listen to your stuff?
>>15360922
I didn't hear any haha.
If I write something for /jp/, would you guys read it?
>>15362362
Yes, I won't bully you if it's really bad.
>>15361586
Thanks man. Yeah, I have a soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dusthillguy
>>15362386
Thank you. See you exactly six months from now.
>>15362463
p.s. please put this into your phone calendars, that way I will feel pressured into not slacking off and will actually write what I promise for /jp/.
>>15362463
That's a long time!
>>15362497
I have a lot of time on my hands!
>>15362525
I hope it'll be a nice read
>>15362469
I put a monthly, I'll be expecting it!
>>15362628
>>15362629
dear lord, what have I gotten myself into
(thanks, bye!)
rumia day!
>>15360594
I enjoyed, also it made me laugh.
>>15360922
Pretty chill. Sometimes.
>>15355588
thanks
>>15356433
oh, that's just me being totally unable to socialize like a normal person
I'm sure a lot of you might shit on this, but I'm writing a LN series. It's going to take me some time to properly adapt my thoughts, phrases and sentencing into Japanese (don't plan on doing an English release), but I would be happy to post up some chapters at some point soon to see if anyone enjoys it, and maybe get some feedback?
>>15364489
Only do things in your native language. Thanks.
>>15364520
Thanks, but no thanks.
>>15364308
Ay, hang on, I recognise that style! Your stuff's sick, man!
>>15364548
That faggot gets more than enough dicksucking already for his shit
>>15364875
Oh, shut up. There's no need to call him a faggot and his work shit just because you're envious
Found a mouse in my kitchen yesterday so I did this.
>>15352675
You might also want to turn up the stabiliser a bit.
>>15364548
>>15364308
source?
>>15366407
Furaffinity
if a thread wasn't up i was going to make one so i could shill again
https://soundcloud.com/threxx-danne/touhou-12-stage-4-boss
finished another arrange after a bit of a drought recently.
pic's not mine, just using it since i used it on the soundcloud upload as well
>>15369261
Huh, neat.
I myself would prefer if the high pitched parts had the volume turned down a little so I could listen to every instrument better.
Hi /jp/.
About a year ago around this time I started working on a novel. Back then I posted the initial chapters here and they were pretty rough.
It's about a man who finds a rabbit dying in a parking lot, and nurses it back to health. He soon finds the rabbit is much more than it appears, however. Meanwhile, a strange new drug has become popular in his tiny podunk town.http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/144848742959/moondust-prologue
Here's a link to the prologue. I'm not sure how else to post it.
>>15369450
i generally try matching ZUN's mixing... which isn't generally the best for hearing everything well but it's closer to the original song
if anything you can download the module and open it in 0CC-famitracker and listen to each channel individually
>>15369248
What does ug stand for?
I thought I would not post more oc because my comics arent otakuey enough but I'm drunk so I don't care
>>15370965
>>15370560
its ug tan you baka
>>15370965
> because my comics arent otakuey enough
They're totally fine, just keep posting and ignore the shitposters, I enjoy them.
>>15370969
Worry not, I am enjoying myself.
>>15370266
That was a surprise.
When you mentioned thesplash, I thought
>"hol up"But the rabbits were still a surprise.GJ
Stage 1 & 2 bosses of best PC-98 game.
Friends. Can someone please explain to me the thought process behind this speed drawing?
I have watched it at least 10 times and I cannot imagine what the artist was thinking while drawing. It's like, he draws something right and then erases and changes it for absolutely no reason.
Warning NSFW
http://webm.land/w/7Zgw/
>>15371367
Maybe he has ADD and isn't satisfied with any pose? Or just practicing different poses. This guy on the Touhou drawing thread (>>15311978
) is similar and he says he has ADD
>>15370266
What a powerful SICP.
>>15370266
I only read the first page from what you linked and I got bored, probably because I'm dumb and not because your writing is bad.
Also I found some mistakes:
>if the Apollo mission was a failure there would be no time in left in the decade
>“Okay, engine stop. ACA - out of detent.” Alrin immediately responded.
>Armstrong felt the cold sweat run down his back and his blood freeze to ice as he saw the group part
>>15371566
Yeah, there's that. I also noticed the author is sometimes a little wordy or repetitive, but I do advise you to read later chapters.
He does a very good job at combining reality, touhou, and /jp/ memes.
>>15371566
I swear to god I've read this part at least 30 times and I hadn't seen these typos.
Thank you.
Also yes, sometimes my writing gets a little repetitive and I use the same word too often. I apologize for that.
>>15371481
I haven't seen this in ages. More power to you.
>>15371605
The chapter I'm at now is The Ripple in the Sky, and I'm enjoying the story so far.
Thanks. Reading this is good.
>>15371605
What are we supposed to infer about the narrator? How unreliable is he?
Most of the time he seems weak and mediocre, as evidenced by his living conditions, yet he seems to hold up well and be stronger than Lumi.
And my apologies about looking for realism in fiction, but what is his income? Is he a NEET? Where's his family? You mentioned his mother.
>>15371834
These questions do get answered over the course of the story, but I'll go ahead and tell you now.
While he sometimes goes without eating, he is not starving. His physique is fairly average, and he does not work out. So he can punch out one drug addict if pressed to do so, but against a gang of them he's not going to win.
He is a NEET, but that's not to say he doesn't work. His work is simply very unscrupulous - and his pay is the roof over his head.
His family does show up in the story, later, toward the end of the first arc.
>>15333316
>>15371865
I see: thank you for clarifying things. I'm currently in The Peach Fields chapter.
I think I'm getting most references and jokes you make, too, which make me feel pretty warm inside.
However, in the very beginning, when the narrator and Lumi are in the forum-bar, is the board game being played a reference to something?
>>15371880
pc98 girls
>>15371886
>is the board game being played a reference to something?
http://store.steampowered.com/app/282800/
>>15371888
end of dump
>>15371886
Oh, another thing, and then I'll stop hogging the thread.
What I have up on that tumblr is less than half of the whole text... I'll keep posting a chapter or two of it every day or so until the first arc is over. I'm working on the second, now.
>>15371880
kawaii stars
>>15371890
Thanks!
Also, your story is just generally good. You do a good combination of having rabbits be hidden around, like hidden elves and dwarves and fairy beings in fantasy stories set in the "real world", while also having them be aliens too, the pilots of UFOs.
>>15371897
Thank you, it makes me feel very accomplished hearing that someone enjoyed reading it. That is why I wrote it, after all, I wanted to make something entertaining.
>>15371903
I'm incredibly hyped.
Thebathingreminds me of the ordeal characters had to go through in Crichton's The Andromeda Strain.Disintegrationsounds pretty scary though.
Looking forwards to future posts.
>>15372064I made Lumi space out "disinteragation" on purpose to make the pun more obvious. It's Disin-Tera-Gation. Get it?
Thank you for your many kind words. I'll post another part tomorrow.
>>15372073
I was about to make a post about how I still didn't get it, but then I got it.May I suggest spelling Terra with two R's?
Of course, it's your choice. And thank you for choosing to explain things.
>>15372162
Oh okay, that might make it more obvious. Thanks for the suggestion.
I also want to learn to draw so I can make illustrations for the story, I'll be learning to do that this summer. For now here's a fanart a friend of mine did of the two characters.He chose to do it in a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure style because we're both fans.
>>15370965
I like your comics a lot, please keep posting them
>>15372176
She is the one!
Sailor Moon!
>>15369248
oh no!
>>15372627
what have you done anon
>>15372627
ug-tan........................
>>15348915
I personally think this looks pretty good.
>>15372627
>>15373778
does ugtan prefer double penetration or double insertion
>>15371880
>>15371888
>>15371891
hella cute dude
>>15366169
that's one tall mouse!
>>15373789
Probably double penetration as you get more bang for your buck.
>>15373795
cute black cat of ill omen
>>15373795
This looks really nice.
Do you have a blog or something?
No time to draw anymore, but this was 2014.
>>15370266
Hmm, one of the things that is repetitive is mentioning her poor pronunciation/English all the time.
The written stuttering can be toned down and only used for more advanced or longer words, after it's first mentioned or noticed.
Would make it easier to read, too. There has to be a good balance, for readability.
>>15376209
I could do another pass of toning it down. In the initial draft it was even worse.
I also tried to do a thing where she progressively gets better at speaking it as the chapters go on. Near the end of the first arc she mostly only stumbles on words she's unfamiliar with.
>>15374897
Think about picking up drawing again, I like the art.
>>15374897
You remind me of a trap artist I used to see on Sadpanda. I legitimately thought you were them at first.
>>15374897
Isn't that this guy's character?
http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35064906
>>15376636
He's the one who inspired me to start drawing.
Hello, /jp/..... I think I going back to drawing... It feels awesome.... Any constructive feedback, please?
>>15377394
Is that you, Mugen?
>>15377405
Mugen? This is Dango.
>>15371605
Okay I read it all, I don't regret it and I think it was pretty fun to read but the prologue is a lot more boring than the rest of it, I can't say why but maybe it has to do with the lack of cute rabbit-girls doing cute stuff, but I don't really know.
I think I found a few more mistakes;
From The White Rabbit:
>Stepping inside my door I took a paranoid moment to look back upon my entry path, checking the dark corners for any glowing ominous eyes. I a peculiar feeling like I was holding something valuable and may have been followed
From The Ripple in the Sky:
The name of the image and "by Daz something" are separated.
From The Wolf of the Wastes:
>Bribing children is sound in the eyes of the lord, or so he could tell me.
I think here it's" would" but you have a weird way to write so maybe it was intentional, also english isn't my first language so I could be all kinds of wrong, you made me search for phrases and words I hadn't heard before!
From The Burnt Coffeebeans:
>Lumi seemed hesitant to let go of me and set her feet back down on the sidewalk, but does when she notices a homely woman who was clearly a volunteer approach us.
Kinda the same as with the last one, shouldn't it be "but does so/it"?
You said that you are going to keep posting more of it, did you mean on your tumblr or here too? It would be nice if you posted the link whenever you update your tumblr, I really don't want to make an account just to read your updates.
>>15380380
Alright, I'll make a post with the link whenever I post a part.
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. I'll take a closer look at those errors.
>>15380380
>the prologue is a lot more boring than the rest of it, I can't say why
I can probably tell you why. Most of the story is a mixture of science fiction and urban legend-style fantasy, but the majority of the prologue is simply a retelling of a real life event, based on what the astronauts actually said and did. It exists as a sort of preview into the themes the story deals with and the challenges the characters will face.
People have told me the jump to the first chapter is jarring and I realize that, but I haven't come up with a good way to fix that.
I've read the story over many times and have missed a lot of these typos and errors, so thanks for pointing them out. It is in fact supposed to be "would," not could.
And here,
>shouldn't it be "but does so/it"?
I thought it was a little wordy and unnatural sounding with "does so" but that might make it easier to read, I'm not sure.
Anyhow, here's the next part, in which the narrator and Lumi go to the grocery store and chase a babbling homeless man.http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/145747544334/moondust-the-constituency
The picture here is one done by another good friend of mine, it's Lumi in a playboy bunny outfit.
Her butt isn't actually that big.
Do you prefer faceless men to be fat or muscular?
>>15381439
just fair, typical anime protagonist-esque body, if not muscular
>>15381083
> Her butt isn't actually that big.
>>15381508
back when he drew it for me, I told him the character is somewhat petite and bordering on malnourished, but he wanted to give her a big ol juicy butt
and so he did
>>15381083
>>15381610
>>15381610
A lot of ecchi/porn artists have that bad habit. It can't be helped.
>>15381676
Cute!
>>15381610
Reading this, I got the urge to draw someone super malnourished.
>>15381880
Give that poor girl a carrot.
With respect to my friend, this was his response to me telling him that he drew her butt too big.
>>15381083
>Her butt isn't actually that big.
Oh, I thought the image didn't make much sense, I imagined her really slim.
>>15381083
I like it, please don't stop writing!
The jesus saves is offcentered, maybe if you put in an image like this it'll be easier to format.
>Some form of clarity struck the clouded minds of the other slack creatures as they saw those in front of me fall impassively to the ground. Their pace quickens and their slack movements become more precise, gunning for me in a frenzy I did not expect. As one of them rushes me, I club him over the head, and he recoiled a step from the blow - but he spins and a sloppy, loose fist bashes the side of my head. I stumble, dizzy.
The verbe tense confuses me a bit here, specially in the last part with club and recoil.
And here is an example of the things I've had to google
>A slovenly hand slams into my nose and I fall backward in daze, blood dripping from my nostrils.
I thought it's "backwards" so I google the word and find that they are the same word that means the same thing but americans use one and the british use the other.
I haven't had to google and read this much about english words or grammar in a long time, I thjink this makes the whole thing just a bit more fun.
>>15381083
Different poster here: the guy who keeps sending you chat messages on tumblr.
The prologue was solely boring because I already knew the quotes, but: the prologue almost certainly makes your story much more accessible to people who don't know about the concept of moon rabbits.
Of course, I know about moon rabbits, but your prologue gives good background information for people who don't.
I still think the mentioning of a splash is where my interest really piqued and I thought "aha, this is different from real history!"
I say this with non-offensive intentions, but I think the story may warrant it own thread if it's this popular.
>>15382636
A story is a big thing: I think it's getting around the same amount of attention a long comic would get.
As long as it isn't scaring away other artists and creative people, which I don't think it is, it's probably good to keep it in this thread.
Also, to the author: has the narrator's name been revealed?
If so, I'm bad with names and I forgot.
>>15382717
>As long as it isn't scaring away other artists and creative people
It encourages me seeing other's stories being supported. Requiring their own thread is even better. The worst it does is divert attention or will derail the thread when someone popular appears.
>>15382252
Usually when use a verb, I tend to switch the tense to "present" in the moment the verb is used, though my tense is typically in "past." It's a bad habit. It kind of clashes in this moment because it's an action scene - I'll see if I can clean up this passage.
>>15382717
When the pastor calls him "Little Drummer Boy," that is me as the author hinting at what his name is.
Otherwise, the narrator's name is never mentioned, and this is done purposefully.
>>15382636
I was afraid of this.
I apologize, if my writing is derailing the thread I will stop posting about it here. The last thing I want is to attentionwhore.
i want more crystal crown now
>>15383487
>I apologize, if my writing is derailing the thread I will stop posting about it here. The last thing I want is to attentionwhore
I said I didn't mean it offensively. I just feel if you're going to make it into a thing and it gains a following, why not make a thread whenever you have a significant update? This one thread doesn't have to contain everything /jp/ creates ever. If you can put interesting art as the OPs, you might even gain more people's interest.
It's not especially disruptive right now, as no one's doing anything and no one is having 100 posts of arguments like normal.
>>15383519
Well, I feel like that sort of thing would make more sense on /lit/, wouldn't it? The story, while it has a lot of /jp/ injokes and stuff, is hardly /jp/ material otherwise.
>no one is having 100 posts of arguments like normal.
That surprises me. The last time I came to one of these was nearly a year ago, so I had no idea people argued here.
>>15383550
Well, if you're posting here, you must be from around these parts, yeah? And the thread's called "/jp/'s original content".
The music guys could be posting on /mu/ but they're here
>>15377394
Looks pretty good, maybe work on being more confident with your lines. They look broken in some areas to me.
>>15383487
>done purposefully
Thought that. Thanks for not spoiling your own story! (that's important)
>>15383647
Thanks for the feedback! I do make my draft quite rough over for some reason. I must be light handed artist.
Is that a sketch you did or is more coming to it?
>>15364489
Yes and I'm writing a manga, I'm just not sure what I want it to be about yet.
>>15384346
Nah, I'm done with it. I tried to "ink" it but that didn't work out so I gave up.
>>15377465
I miss him.
>>15385279
I don't understand this おっぱい揉む meme.
hey /jp/ how does a quiz game where you rape/have lovey-dovey sex with a girl sound to you?
depending on how well you answer her questions you'll be given a choice
if you answer most of her questions right then you'll be given the option to have consensual sex with her (though you can still rape her if you want) and also afterwards be given a choice on which girl you want to have sex with next
but if you can't answer her questions well enough then you'll be forced to rape her and go down a fixed path. The ending will depend on how well you answered all of the girls' questions and how many times you raped/not-raped the girls
would you be interested in playing this game?
>>15386673
a VN where a man discovers that if he is too stupid to woo a girl, the only other option is rape
sounds like an amazing concept
>>15386673
Sounds like those cruddy ero games posted on /f/ where you get three choices for each scene and one answer is right while the other two are really stupid.
>>15386673
Please stop with the rape
>>15389414
What if the girls are elves?
>>15389420
At least make it Rance-style "rape" where the girls are saying no but their eyes are saying yes, and they drop all pretense of not liking it soon after.
>>15389487
How lame.
>>15389512
Well, what type of story are you going for, here?
So if you fail the minigames, you fail to continue along the relationship arc and you fail, right? And so your character rapes her instead?
What's the narrative, here? What's going through your character's head?
>Tch, damn bitch, giving me that quiz! She was just trying to make me look stupid, those questions were impossible. I'll show that bitch what happens when you make fun of me!
>>15389524
>What's going through your character's head?
Sex with elves of course.
>>15389487
that wasn't me you were responding too but I really like branching paths in arcade games and find that it adds a lot of replayability. Coming back to rape or make love to her the second time around sounds like a really novel concept! It might be the first rape-quiz-game ever to my knowledge.
>>15389524
You have to plant your seed inside of three different girls for your inanimate doll waifu you've fallen in love with recently. Doing so will give her the ability to move and make passionate cloth-y love with you. On your way to do so a shady hooded figure gives you a spray that will make a woman more honest with her feelings. This will allow for you to have consensual sex but only if you're able to pass the clear-quota for a girls' quiz without failing to answer too many of her questions.
Depending on how many girls you rape/use the spray on and your win-to-lose ratio you'll unlock a different ending.
>>15389551
>You have to plant your seed inside of three different girls for your inanimate doll waifu you've fallen in love with recently. Doing so will give her the ability to move and make passionate cloth-y love with you.
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to elaborate.
>>15389572
You've arrived to a new town to escape an incestual relationship with your sister because you find it wrong. upon arriving you start hearing voices in your head telling you where to go. After some walking you find yourself in an old dustry apartment with nothing in it but a chair and a giant stuffed doll wearing a dress. She begins talking to you and you to her. You quickly fall in love and express how you wish to marry her! But sadly she is just a doll, she cannot move... However, she knows of a way to make the impossible possible. Using some black magic and planting your seed within three girls you've not spent two days with (ie complete strangers) you'll be able to grant her will to move a reality.
>>15389611
I'll reserve judgement until I actually see the writing in action, but it's a... interesting premise, to say the least.
>>15389611
I want it and I want it now!
>>15389627
>>15389631
Thank you. I'll finish up this commission and then get back to work on game. I've made some progress and the coding is done for the most part but I still have to draw for it. Knowing it isn't a completely crap idea gives me will to finish it, thank you.
>>15389611
>a giant stuffed doll wearing a dress
A fumo?
>>15389664
Well, for one thing, I'd suggest keeping the fact that he came to his new town to escape an incestuous relationship on the down low. Like, have that something that you discover later in the story and is only sort of insinuated on... not outright stated. You probably don't want your game to start with, "I couldn't keep fucking my sister, so I moved to this town. Now I'm hearing voices because not fucking my sister for a week has driven me insane."
Also the black magic thing to bring the doll to life sounds straight up silly the way you described it. There better be a very good reason why you need to fuck total strangers to make it work.
>>15389677
>"I couldn't keep fucking my sister, so I moved to this town. Now I'm hearing voices because not fucking my sister for a week has driven me insane."
That sounds like something that would be a sub plot of a VN.
>>15389664
Oh I thought it was just an idea, you are going to draw, code and write the story?
>>15381083
Artist friend reporting in, that sketch was a study
of Synedoche's methods of drawing phat asses.
I merely slapped Lumi's face on top of it.
I'd prefer if you didn't post it though because it's
not original at all.
>>15389676
not as cute.
>>15389677
to not reveal it now would make it seem like an ass-pull later on though (because it will be relevant)
>>15389686
of course!
>>15381083
>this should be a study
What the fuck come on
>>15389844
What?
>>15389859
I think he's implying the quality is high, higher than he'd expect for what he expects a study to be.
>>15391273
> high quality
it's litterally just a copy of >>15381676
>>15391279
Which he admitted to. There was a misunderstanding between the writer and artist. Please let it go.
Interesting new Moondust post, learning about his life.
I wonder how he escaped the same fate his parents and neighbors had.
>>15391326
i tried today j pi'm sorry ;_;
>>15392354
I like it a lot!
Though I myself would rather bite the rabbit somewhere around his meaty parts.
>>15392354
Cute!
>>15392354
Rabbit is very frighten. Such scare.
Neat drawing.
>>15391322http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/145872160104/moondust-the-church-mouse-fellowship
Here is the next part, in which the narrator and rabbit girl receive a strange letter. Some of my favorite scenes are in this chapter.
>>15392354
Cute rabbit. I hope I'm able to draw on your level someday, it's quite nice.
>>15392726
Along with flanfly, your daily update is among my favourite times of day now.
>>15392726
11st instead of 11th?
Church mice remind me of a series that was good to read as a child: Redwall.
>long socks to me were kneesocks to her
This is just style, but I think using for instead of to would be more readable.
>run down apartments
run-down could increase readability.
>chain link fence
chain-link too could increase readability, and when googling "chain link fence" I find many results also use a dash, so there is precedent for it.
>chipped away sidewalk
Yeah, in general, if two words actually are a single adjective modifying a noun, they benefit from having a dash in between them. I'm not sure if mentioning these is annoying or helpful or not, though, so I won't put the rest in this post.
>Beatrix Potter
Phenomenal choice!
That was fun, learning about things. Beatrix is an irritating lady for sure, though.
>>15393012
Alright, perhaps I'll go over the story again and use dashes for compound word adjectives. I suppose I wasn't sure what was correct.
Thanks for reading it.
>>15392354
i'll never forgive you if you harm a rabbit
>>15392354
Ah, i used to do this with the cat
>>15393481
How many eyes did you lose?
>>15394306
What emotion is this face trying to convey?
>>15394330
It looks like somewhere between "you don't think you could possibly satisfy me with that tiny thing, do you" and "please don't rape me, mister."
>>15394347
I think she looks embarrassed, but the hat makes it very misleading.
>>15394360
Why the hat?
>>15394657
Hats are a universal symbol of consent
>>15394360
Weird, I think she looks anticipatory.
>>15394306
She looks like she was about to fuck, but the viewer just pulled out a gun and she's frozen terrified. I like it
>>15394306
>>15394330
I get the impression of something like this.
>>15394657
Because it has a sperm drawn on it, how can someone be embarrassed when they are wearing a hat like that?
>>15392726
Oh I seemed to have missed the previous update.
From The Soggy Hares.
>Even the most devout of men will succumb to his devil’s wiles once in a blue moon.
Is "his" a mistake or did you mean to say his as in whatever devil his religion/church has?
From The Church Mouse Fellowship:
>on this the 11st of October.
I'm fairly sure it's 11th, I remember this one was the only exception in cardinals as it's 21st, 31st, 41st...
>The hall ultimately lead to a larger room I assume once housed pews and a podium from which a pastor gave sermons
I think it should either be led or leads.
>“Oh, yes. That old phrase.” Beatrix’s spritely voice suddenly became quite old and tired. “For the earth be’est a pig sty all the little people are corralled within, as the heavens see it.
You forgot the closing "
Also I think pigsty is one whole word.
>“For the how of it, I think, you needs speak to its creator. I am unfamiliar with the grisly process myself.”
Though this may be an old english way to say it or something like that.
I'm enjoying the story quite a lot, I hope I'm not being a bother by pointing out the mistakes.
>>15397400
>I'm fairly sure it's 11th,
I know... I did 11st on purpose to make it sound more formal and old english-y. If that's just plain not correct I can change it, I suppose.
>did you mean to say his as in whatever devil his religion/church has?
Yes, precisely. The Pastor is a devoutly Christian man, and 'his devil' would be Satan.
>You forgot the closing "
I didn't forget. I left it open so I could have her continue to speak in the next paragraph. It might have been unnecessary in this case, but that's why I did it.
>I hope I'm not being a bother by pointing out the mistakes.
No, it's honestly very helpful, you're pointing out things I may not have seen or realized myself. I wouldn't want to send this off to a publisher with spelling or punctuation errors, after all.http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/145929058829/moondust-the-blighted-prescription
Here's today's post, in which Lumi and the narrator go looking for a missing person.
>>15397766
Not him, but I get no results for "elevenst" when looking online. There seems to be no precedent for it, neither formal nor informal.
Hyped to read this post now.
>>15397964
It's really cute but why is the background yellow?
>>15397979
Because I suck choosing colors and I kinda like that cream-yellow something. It's pleasant to rest the sight a couple of hours looking at it while I draw her. Then I just don't change it when I finish
>>15398090
This is the last time you are this lazy!
>>15398119
>>15398127
Sweet anon thanks and almost without loosing quality
I will delete the images now if I still can
wip
sorry for the shitty photo
>>15398861
Those are some very nice looking fingers and nails.
>>15398861
dem sharkteeth
>>15397766
>I had to find Homer and question him - my only other course of action was to sit around in the complex and revel in my impotency, which I wouldn’t mind doing if I was on my own, but was loathe to do while she could see me doing it.
I think the "was" should be an "would".
>The building lie on the edge of suburbia, in the center of a neglected and aging road whose cracked pavement and broken sidewalk were akin to elderly wrinkles and sunspots.
I think it's "lies".
>>15397766
>rabbit girl bad begun
Not a biggie: bad --> had
I see you say red-violet a lot, if you do want to be less repetitive about it (only if you want to, it's fine to drill in the fact that her eyes are exactly that mix of colors), the colors between red and violet are often called purple.
As the other anon said about the building not "lie"ing there, "lies" would put it in present tense, so "lay" might be better, to keep things in past tense.
>Levono
Ahh, some people have good choice in ThankPads.
>What can I do you for?
This sentence sounds really bad! Is she supposed to be this way, out of focusing on the computer more than the protagonists? s/you for/for you/
Really sweet chapter.You did a good job at making me, the reader, believe that Markus is Galahad. And if he isn't, I'll truly have been rused. Good job~
Well i guess its finished.
hopefully one day i'll learn how to resize pictures on the phone
>>15401445
Nice.
>>15401445
Is Remilia the kind of girl that likes to wear odd socks and shoes?
>>15400933
The thing is red-violet is a real color.
I also do not want to give her the same eye color as a certain Disney bunny character that everyone now recognizes. It is bad enough that fan artists depict her humanized with silver twintails.
>What can I do you for?
Maybe this is just a local colloquialism, but I had the receptionist say this because it sounds like something a bumpkin would say. I've heard it used in media often by someone with a southern drawl accent, and I've heard some people in my real life use it too (who were in fact bumpkins).I am glad you were able to pick that up. I worried I was being too subtle about it - in the first draft of the book, people told me 'Galahad' seemed to pop up out of nowhere.http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/145978889994/moondust-the-princess-and-the-elixir
Here's the next part, in which an old lady is awoken from her nap.
>>15401445
The small details on this are very nice, like the detailed knuckles and bones in the hand, and the frills on her socks. Good job, that's a scary Remi.
>>15402336
Ah, I see.
I don't live in the south, so I didn't know that sort of phrasing could really exist.The royal family was rabbit instead of lunarian? Holy shit! Didn't expect that at all, with the present situation being of lunarians controlling the rabbits.
Naice, naice. I am excited to read more of this story and learn new things about this universe. I didn't find any errors in this post! Neat~
I think I'm close to finding my groove
I am having difficulty thinking of what to add to my game. I think there will be bosses but they are difficult and require their own code. I was thinking of maybe some more enemies and concepts like bonus things (like how the donkey kong games did it) but I am not sure.
If you have any suggestions I would like to hear them.
>>15403082
You play as a little squid in the sea, right?
Have you ever played Ecco the Dolphin? You might consider looking to those games for level design ideas.
>>15403101
I have but ecco's level design isn't actually the best. I've been looking more towards the water levels of the newer rayman games like rayman origins and legends which are really nice. Level design has been a very arduous process.
>>15403110
>but ecco's level design isn't actually the best.
But man, tubes. SKY tubes!
>>15401540
>>15402350
Thanks
>>15402334
Guess i did one shoe too dark.
>>15403082
Is there a story to this game? If not, some cute things to do with a qt squidtopus would be nice. Like... maybe rescuing a school of fish from being eaten by a shark, or from a fishing net.
>>15402891
Cute eye colour.
>>15403082
A power up where you get huge
Does anyone else struggle with going really slowly and running out of steam when drawing?
>>15403810
I gave up drawing porn because i get tired before finishing it
>>15404922
Which hand gets tired first?
>>15405551
My hands and dick never get tired. its drawing porn that is boring
>>15402639
>>15370266http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/146031684124/moondust-the-lunar-pilgrimage
The next bit, in which a hermit explains her past.
I've been having some second thoughts about posting the entire work online, though. I will probably have to take it down if I ever want to get published.
>>15407090
There have been many books in the world that exist for free online, and also as a physical book.
Please put your story under a good licence (creative commons, GFDL, public domain) that allows people to read it for free.
A story doesn't exist to make money: it exists to be read. If less people read it, what's the point of it existing?
>>15407116
Yes, I feel the same way. I am happy to simply have people read and enjoy my work.
It is just that many publishers reject works that have ever been posted online at all.
I guess it doesn't matter if I self-publish.
>>15407121
You're right, yes: also, it's good you do what you enjoy.I really apologise for expressing my intense fear of capitalism and intellectual property, but I truly do believe IP restrictions aren't good for readers.
>>15407090
>The first I’ve heard of humans going to the moon is NASA
I feel as though most people would say Armstrong or Apollo instead of NASA."Saw in us the hunger for her serenity and sought our treachery from the very beginning."
Sought is relating to seeking, rather than seeing. This implies he wanted to own the treachery.I didn't see that coming, Galahad drinking the Remedium. Wow!
>take inventory of your invalid
This sounds more like checking what's in his pockets, than anything else, to me.
What an enlightening and cute post. That amusing dream, too.
>>15407360
Thank you for understanding.
>>15407384
What happened here?
>>15407419
The author of the story was bullied out of the thread by some loser.
There's no reason not to post in this thread, as when the thread goes off of page 10, a new thread can be made. Useful discussion was occurring that was helping both the author and the readers. It's no different from the art/drawing critiques in this thread.
>>15407970
>as when the thread goes off of page 10, a new thread can be made
You can make a new thread right now though, be it about the book or another OC thread. There's no some thread title limit rule.
>>15408341
One of the irritating things about 4chan is that if you make a thread for something you created, it's liable to get nuked for "advertising" (see also: the sheer number of people who try to make you watch their YouTube video and get banned.)
I suppose you could try taking your chances if you make it clear that it was drafted here. Or maybe even just make a dedicated OC thread for writing.
>>15405847
>its drawing porn that is boring
Then why do you draw it?
If you're not getting paid to do it, find something you actually like.
>>15408700
In fact I don't.
well now that i think about it, probably nobody cares about my stuff for this exact reason...
>>15407090http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/146072717844/moondust-the-celestial-flow
The next bit, in which an estranged child goes home.
>>15411397
Ah, I wondered why they were procrastinating so long on going back to the moon. Now I know.
>bunbuntu
wwwww
That was interesting to read, to learn more about him and his life.
Time to Linework
>>15411694
Her outfit looks sharp, as in pointy and spiky.
fixing, thanks >>15411756
Seiga and Yoshika
>>15412502
Yoshika and Seiga
