>sister has Lenovo Yoga 500
>complains about generic Windows problems like "it's slow" or "sometimes some stuff doesn't work"
>today she wants to install Office
>say I'll do it, but I'm busy right now
>tell her to use TPB and that I'll install it for her
>she downloads some Office 2016 torrent from Torrentz
>she tells me her computer started asking her for money and encrypted some stuff
>awhshitnigga.tar.gz
>check it out
>ransomware
>boot loop
>can't access UEFI
So 2 questions (inb4 not ur tek support, go fuck yourself, I help people all the time here).
1 - How do I get into the UEFI from a boot loop? It has that stupid fast boot shit on and goes straight into the post, doesn't wait for a F8 prompt?
2 - What Linux distro should I install?
Also not posting photos of her even though she's a cute redhead.
Put linux live cd/usb? Or tear it down format whole hdd?
>>54790421
That involves getting into the BIOS and changing the boot order. Fast boot cancer prevents that from happening.
>Also not posting photos of her even though she's a cute redhead.
Fuck off
If the Linux is for you, use Fedora. (Based on Red Hat, so you know what's up.) If the Linux is for your sister, use elementary OS or Ubuntu MATE.
As far as the computer goes, your pretty much fucked.
>>54790494
>If the Linux is for you, use Fedora. (Based on Red Hat, so you know what's up.)
Surprisingly, this is what I use on both my computers.
>As far as the computer goes, your pretty much fucked.
How do winfags solve these issues? Every single computer I've seen comes with fast boot enabled so I can't be the first person to find this.
Can't you change the settings in the o/s?
unplugging the boot drive from the computer should get it into UEFI and then from there I'm stupid as to what you should do.
remove the battery from the motherboard, let it outside 10 minutes or so, and then insert it again
that will reset everything to 0
>>54790535
I don't know, Windows just fucks up all the time. Hope there wasn't anything that important on the PC. (mfw my temporary cheap laptop has an autistic bios so I can't seem to install Linux.
>>54790593
It uses those M2 integrated SSDs.
>>54790616
Integrated battery, this isn't a thinkpad (which it was). I would try leaving it doing boot loops until the battery shutted itself off, but I found another way on superuser: Fn+F2. Why Fn? Well anon, Lenovo decided it was a great idea to have the F row being all function keys by default and only turn into Fnumber with Fn. So Fn+F2 is actually F2.
>>54790654
Probably nudes, Idk. She hangs around with multicultural trash for whatever reason, so I'm assuming they got to her.
Alright, I'm in BIOS. I'm thinking of Ubuntu, does it support Haswell firmware yet?
Try disconnecting the CMOS battery and the hard drive
>>54790720
You guys keep giving great advice for desktops. How the fuck do I remove the CMOS battery from an ultrabook?
>>54790470
Fast boot typically gives up on my system if you reset it a few times at the Windows boot screen.
Or you could, like, tear the HDD out. It would probably try to boot off USB then.
>>54790346
>telling tech illiterates to torrent from theransomwarebay
>telling tech illiterates to torrent ever
are you retarded
>>54790535
Windows 10 will usually show you some "fixing" options if the system fails to boot for a few times. how far into the boot process do you get?
>>54790755
Unscrew the bottom of the laptop?
>>54790716
Again, I would say Ubuntu MATE for her laptop, check it out!
(Also Im no MS expert, there is most likely a way to recover files... (save her nudes boi!))
>>54790766
TPB sorts by highest seeds now, at least she wouldn't get some Russian botnet like the did from Torrentz.
>>54790777
I used the Fn+F2 thing, but doing that would void the warranty, I wanted to avoid having to open it up.
>>54790785
Will do (check out the distro, not save her nudes ffs).
>>54790654
>Hope there wasn't anything that important on the PC.
>He can't use the live CD to copy/paste files over
It's probably not the type of ransomware that encrypts all your files
>>54790755
>>54790823
I mean, black mail is a powerful resource...
>>54790489
this
>>54790823
You don't have to save them, you just have to post them.
>>54790346
Now that everything is fixed, will you post pictures of your qt sister?
>>54790918
Tell you what anon, if her SSD isn't fully encrypted I'll see what I can do for you.
>>54790938
Good man.
>>54790938
post pics you have taken of her
i have a raging boner right now thinking of your sister. is she australian?
>>54790970
Welcome to 4Chan.
>>54790346
Unscrew the HDD and format the CMOS battery
Should get you to the BIOS on next boot
Spam the f8 button
>>54790938
Be honest OP, have you ever scored a sweet wincest fuck from her?
https://streamable.com/8n5g
>>54791063
>https://streamable.com/8n5g
hawt, is this u?
>>54791063
moar needed
>>54790970
Portuguese.
>>54790968
Shit out of luck, all encrypted.
>>54791063
Have not.
>>54791185
Whats the message or whatever say the price is for letting your shit go?
Some Lenovo shit consumer models have onekey. Use that. Doubt you help people on this board, you sound like a retard OP.
>>54791244
Me again.
Hold shift when you press restart.
Works Even when in login Screen.
Holy shit, you get access to stuff.
I still think you're a tard OP
>>54791063
lmao
>>54790346
>>tell her to use TPB and that I'll install it for her
>>ransomware
>>inb4 not ur tek support, go fuck yourself, I help people all the time here
>>tell her to use TPB
>>I help people all the time here
>>tell her to use TPB
>>I help people all the time here
>>tell her to use TPB
>>I help people all the time here
lol.
install gentoo
>>54791206
>/g/ would pay good money for my sister's nudes encryption key
>>54791244
>>54791277
I fixed the boot loop like an hour ago, l2read.
>>54791600
I bet we would, start a gofundme for the price!
>>54791600
>Not asking your sister to pose for a new set of nudes
fag
>>54791864
UGH I know right, he should get right on that.
Never trust computer incompetent people to find the right programs/files to download
Last time I told someone who was looking for an image editor to download GIMP, they googled it and clicked on some sponsored Google ad that went to free-software.info.ru or some shit and they downloaded an exe and i had to spend two hours fixing all their shit
why the fuck would you tell a tech-retard to pirate something?
enjoy your extra work because of your own stupidity.
>>54790470
>getting cucked by your own OS
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA, install GNU/Linux you fucking normie
>>54792416
Retard this is my sister's computer, I use Fedora daily.
>>54792791
It's the MATE guy here again, so what distro are you putting on it?
>>54790654
This is some straight up /g bullshit. Windows users fuck up all the time but that is user issue. I've been using the same Win7 install for 4 years, on a meme ssd drive. I do some risky shit too, torrents, apps from usenet.
You gentoo idiots get on my fucking nerves.
>>54792925
Nah, I don't want to try Gentoo, seems to complex.
>>54790346
>>tell her to use TPB
You just hate your sister for having nice stuff, what an asshole.
>>54790346
>people genuinely want to fuck the girl in pic related
You do not belong on this website.
pay the piper to get your files decrypted
Step 1) Start a really sad looking gofundme page to get the money for the ransomware
Step 2) Post the link here just in case
Step 4) Post her nudes when you get it unlocked
Step 5) ??????
Step 6) Profit
Sure it's your sister op, don't be a fag and admit youre as retarded as those business majors who think they'll land a job after college.
>>54790346
>today she wants to install Office
>say I'll do it, but I'm busy right now
>tell her to use TPB and that I'll install it for her
>she downloads some Office 2016 torrent from Torrentz
You could have just told her to use Office Online for free. Why didn't you?
https://products.office.com/en-us/office-online/documents-spreadsheets-presentations-office-online
>>54790823
Fine then don't save them post them
Op if you're still here this is what you need to do: remove all the drives. Including the M2 drive. It's not soldered in. It's not integrated, you can pull it out. Then you need to remove the cmos battery, then put it back in. Boot it up, it should allow you to access the bios then. Change the order to boot to a Linux stick first, shut it off, put the drives back in, and boot to the Linux stick.
>>54790346
Pretty sure it's F12 nigga
Serves her right. Now post nudes and fuck off.
OP is retarded. She's better off going to Best Buy then having you fuck things up worse.
>>54793225
>Telling your sister to use a botnet
Maybe if you hated her
>>54793990
Instead he told her to join an actual botnet.
>>54791063
That's his wife, right?
>>54793990
If I really hated her, I would have lead her to running cryptolocker.
My friend shelled out 2 grand for the Lenovo yoga 4k 13.3 convertible release. It came with a 128 gb ssd 4 gb ram and i5, and integrated Intel that literally shit the bed on 4k. After windows install had 70 gbs free. No expandable storage and to replace the keyboard you had to remove the screen then motherboard and 28 screws later the keyboard
>>54790346
There's a tiny recessed button on the side of the laptop,use a paperclip or a toothpick to push it in from a powered down state.
>>54790346
Whos is this semen demon?
Ubuntu Mate 16.04 x64, and then on MATE Tweak choose the Redmond look. Install Chrome or Chromium. I'm assuming she's a normie so 99% of her activities happen in the browser so she prolly won't feel a difference compared to Windows.
Libreoffice will do the trick. I recommend this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFPl6QP3F04
>>54792846
Sorry for the late reply, went with your suggestion. Scaling seems off, but I'll see how she manages it.
>>54795466
>Having to use a paper clip to actually shut off your computer
Does Lenovo just hate its customers?
>>54795679
I believe so.That bios button is fucking cancer.
>>54790346
to get into the bios if it has that fast boot try holding the power button for 4 seconds.
>>54790346
In the future just download open office, it's free and has all the same features.
>>54790823
Have you looked at tpb recently? Tons of malware with 15000+ seeds. Seeders mean nothing when you have your whole botnet to seed with.
Install Elementary OS and format it. It looks very nice and user friendly and wipe the drive.
>>54796068
eOS is a shitty alpha lad, not ready for the average normie by far
>>54790346
>Not posting your cute sister
Good luck decrypting it.
>>54790346
>>tell her to use TPB
>Also not posting photos of her even though she's a cute redhead.
not ur tek support
>>54791063
>I will never have a little sister I can do lewd things to.
Why even live.
>>54790346
>letting woman to set up technology
Now I'm no misogynist but you were literally asking for trouble.
>>54790346
RemixOS is hands down the best Linux variant to use. Tons of features, looks like windows and has all the apps shed like.
>>54790535
hard reset is usually enough
>>54790346
Download current UEFI from Lenovo.
Create Update USB Stick.
Reflash UEFI.
Wipe disk reinstall Windows.
>>54791063
will...
will i go to prison for watching this?
>>54796862
maybe
>>54790346
Mash an fxx key on boot, go through them in order, try delete as well, failing that, replace the hard drive, and reinstall windows or Linux via USB or CD,
Say goodbye to ransomwared encrypted files, however you can access the old hard drive externally and attempt recovery of deleted files with 'recuvra', once you have the files, wipe the old hard drive and reinstall OS on it, transfer recovered files, good as new, requirements: spare hard drive (any size, just temporary), Desktop PC, electronics repair experience, good luck
Oh and also bitch slap sister for being gullable, although we have all been there before
>>54792925
>I unknowingly have 8 different keyloggers installed but it just werks
E P I C
P
I
C
>>54790346
> How do I get into the UEFI from a boot loop?
You can, but if UEFI is damaged, that's another thing.
look at all these virgins getting manipulated
read only the last 3 lines of greentext and stop reading at question #2
i thought this was suppposed to be like 95% gays board, fucking disappointing
install manjaro
>>54791140
>why is it wet ?
You silly sista
>>54790346
Have you a second Desktop or Laptop?
If yes,(remove the HDD from the Laptop) connect it to your Dekstop /Laptop and clean it there.
After that replace it again and i think you can enter UEFI again ,to install OS.
>>54790346
you're a fucking idiot for telling a 12 year old girl to download a .exe from a torrent site.. tpb none the less.
>inb4 shes not 12
>They're all 12.
>>54790346
>develop ransomware
>have logs of encrypted machines
>90% sure I have your key.
>willing to trade for pics pf cute redhead
>>54790755
by taking the bottom off and removing the god damn battery, moron.
Laptops still use CMOS batteries, usually attached with a little cable.
>>54790346
who's the idiot here? the one who knows nothing about computers, or the one who gave responsibility regarding computers to one who knows nothing about computers?
/g/ - definitely not tech support
>>>/out/
To point out first that Torrentz is a meta search engine and doesn't provide access to any torrents. Also TPB is NSA honeypot most probably.
A way to enter UEFI will be of course to remove the hard disk, put usb to highest priority, enter hard disk and live usb, install linux
>>54790716
This Fn shit is now on every new laptop. I too was trying half an hour till I figure it out on the first time.
>>54790346
>UEFI
Hahaha you and your sister have been cucked OP.
>>54790346
>redhead
>cute
>>54790569
>operating/system
Does a person who is too poor for office and too stupid to pirate really have any important data?
Just format the thing and give her Ubuntu. You can run office on that as well you know.
>>54790346
>UEFI
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA
>>54790346
>tech illiterate sister asks him for help
>he acts like a tech illiterate himself
>"helps" people on /g/ all the time
>wants /g/ to be his tech support
FUCK OFF
I just dealt with same problem, OP. I have easy solution. Now post pic of your sister first.
>>54790346
>>tell her to use TPB and that I'll install it for her
>>she downloads some Office 2016 torrent from Torrentz
>>she tells me her computer started asking her for money and encrypted some stuff
>>check it out
>>ransomware
This is what you get for not paying people who worked hard for making that software.
Office Personal (license for 1 pc) is $69.99/year or 6$6.99/month.
It's not expensive at all.
Office Home (license for 5 pcs) is $89.99/year with subscription or $9.99/month.
You got what you deserve, OP.
Now spend your money or time (and time=money) on fixing your sister's pc.
Guys I fixed the thing ages ago. I genuinely appreciate your help, but I know how to install some noob distro, I was just stuck in a boot loop that wouldn't allow me to change the boot order.
Also manual partitioning on Ubuntu sucks, you can't create llvm partitions, just declare a partition as logical.
The reason she didn't use Libreoffice is because she calls it the Great Value walmart version of Microsoft Office.
>>54790346
>>boot loop
>>can't access UEFI
You're as noob as your sister.
>>54798693
How so?
>>54798742
Can't pirate a computer when having physical access => noob
>take hdd
>put it on another computer
>format the hdd
>install gentoo
>no longer have to care of ransomeware
>>54798748
>Pirate a computer
Were you dropped on your head as a child or something?
>>54798781
Oh I should have understood it since the beginning. You're retarded.
>>54798789
I seriously want you to explain what "pirate a computer" means in your world.
>>54796826
>giving horrible advice (just dowload something from TPB)
OP fucked up, he's a moron for giving dangerous tech advice
>>54798742
you don't even know why you're a noob, makes you more of a noob. I hope your sister won't ever ask you again.
do me a favor please, tell your sister to learn stuff herself. eventually she'll be able to teach you something in the future.
>>54798796
>pirate
bypass any security system
>>54798918
>I know, I swear, I'm just not going to tell you
Ok kiddo.
Moving on from your pathetic attempt at bait, she actually manages to move around MATE, but still wants to go back to Windows.
>>54790346
ESET released randsomware decryption last week.
google and your gold...also next time use a graphical windows P.E. USB boot or CD to get you out of the jam. End of day it is just some files and the f12 button when it says "Lenovo" will unlock.
Wow, 122 cucks replied, successful thread OP
>>54799258
123 now
>>54799258
>74 ips
That's what you get for pirating cheap software. Office is like $150
I think you can boot into a live CD from Windows itself. Win8/10 only
Fuck I mean when I Last got ransom ware I did a system restore to before I installed the game torrent I got the shit from then it restarted and was gone and then to be sure I user male ware bytes.
Today, OP is not a faggot. 9/10
Why didn't you just tell her to download libre office, it can save in office friendly formats
The funny part is most laptops don't allow the removal of the oh-so-simple cmos battery anymore because this little piece of shit sits between the motherboard and the top of your device. You can't reach it from the bottom and the manufacturer made sure that you can't just disassemble the whole thing without breaking some parts that are used to hold it together. Laptops in this situation _are_ kinda fucked.
If you can access BIOS, go change UEFI to legacy EFI like all computers should run on. Then it's straight foreward but windows 8 won't boot. Then try uefi f8 while booting, for safemode.
I don't fucking know. Rule one: go search it up.
>>54800460
It was F2 and the problem was the Fnum keys are function keys by default and only work as F1, F2, etc with Fn+F2.
What did UEFI ever add over BIOS except for making it harder to install distros?
>>54800754
>What did UEFI ever add over BIOS except for making it harder to install distros?
Nothing. TCG just want to remove your freedom of using your computer as you want. TCG is the enemy.
