Hi /diy/,
My coworker picked the padlock on my locker and fucked with a bunch of my shit, how can I permanently close his locker (which he leaves unlocked) with all of his stuff inside? I considered using a higher quality lock but I'm pretty sure he'll just cut it or grind it off, which would end up being a waste of money for me. It's just in the basement of a restaurant so I don't think he'd have any problem using an angle grinder or something to get it off.
Should I screw it shut and drill out the heads of the screws/ cover them with epoxy? Use carriage bolts and a cable with some sort of self tightening mechanism inside to hold the door shut?
picture attached is not the locker in question but an identical one.
Mind you, this is more or less good natured ball busting, I don't actually want to destroy his things, I'm just trying to get even and then up the ante a little bit.
Epoxy it on a Friday. Will be solid by Monday.
Weld it.
Just jack off into it.
Rent a small-ish welder than you can bring with you to work in a backpack or something and seal it shut.
>>987723
Buy a 5 dollar can of expanding foam and fill his locker up
Weld or Epoxy it
Leaning toward welding, Fcaw is real cheap
>>987729
this or similar but with concrete.
>>987723
>more or less good natured ball busting, I don't actually want to destroy his things, I'm just trying to get even and then up the ante a little bit
well, which is it? more or less?
someone going to the lengths of using a grinder to be able to screw with your locker doesn't sound like harmless fun
someone will eventually take it too far and things will get out of hand....the whole point of locking your stuff up is so no one will mess with it
I wouldn't put up with that garbage, period
>>987723
Sounds like a damn good way to get fired to me... All these saying to weld it, really? It's not your property, hell it's not even tangentially your property, since there is another person's shit in it.
>>987723
nut&bolt that fit the padlock hole, red locktite
>>987723
Buy a bunch of Saran Wrap(bad faith to use company supplies) and wrap all his shit like it was on a pallet, if your restaurant is fancy enough to have a blow torch use it to melt all the layers together so he has to free his shit from a 1/4"-1/2" of melted plastic
Just tell him that you slept with his wife.
>>987774
I would agree here ^^^ if you damage company property, the biggest joke may end up being on you
how about this:
buy a Hello Kitty lock, unlock it, take the keys and put them on a key chain with a tag that says "Mike Hunt".
Lock the Hello Kitty lock on the locker, and then take the keys to wherever the lost & found is and say you found them on the ground.
Leave a note on the locker telling where the keys are, so he has to go to the lost & found and ask for "my cunt"
Buy a steel ring as thick as possible while still being able to fit it through the hasp. It'll probably be welded when you buy it so cut it open with a diamond saw or something, then twist it open with 2 pairs of channel locks, put it through the hasp, twist it closed, and weld it closed again.
This accomplishes the same thing as your lock idea but at a fraction of the cost.
Ez mode: get a keyed padlock, lock it, and break the key off.
Kneed-it or JB weld.
Prep it, stick it all around the edge of the door, close the door to create a tight seal.
>>987723
Thermite weld it shut
SET THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT ON FIRE AND PISS ON HIS DOG
Dumbest thread of 2016 has a new contestant.
>>987866
Bonus points for using a puck lock so he can't attack the shackle and expoxying the broken key in so it can't be removed with a key extractor.
Glue a dildo to it.
>>987723
SO, instead of telling your employer that a fellow employee violated company policy and your personal stuff while at work, you choose to be a douchebag and fuck with his shit back?
thats real mature of you. if this is how you handle your personal problems then you will forever be someone elses punching bag. kill yourself faggot
>>988121
Don't know OP's situation, but many workplaces don't give a fuck, IME.
The only way to deal with this in a situation like that is to show them that if they want to fuck with others, they'd better be prepared to get fucked with as well.
This is actually common in many industry environments when the leader of the workplace is a fag who doesn't give a shit if there's a thief on his shift.
>>988127
Pretty much how it works in any heavy industry place that has more than 20 people working there
hr doesn't give a fuck unless someone is making direct threats or that asshole is stealing company property
Usually in those places you usually get showers and lockers for street clothes
Just coat his stuff with liquid ass or anything that smells horrible stealing his lunch and offering him rotten hardboiled eggs works really good
>>987946
>Bonus points for using a puck lock so he can't attack the shackle and expoxying the broken key in so it can't be removed with a key extractor.
I like the way you think.
>>988147
but OP works in a restaurant... not construction. dummy. theres no excuse for fuckin with other peoples shit. if someone did that to my locker and fucked with my shit, that person would have a bullet hole in his leg
>>988127
Correct. Snitches get stitches and get isolated.
Epic prankers often win. Is there any food OP knows the prankster loves?
Or drink?
Potassium citrate liquid laxative tastes nice and fruity. Blends with Koolaid, tea (makes it a bit lemony) and many other things. My tentmate kept drinking my Koolaid while we were TDY, so I made him a special batch. Fucker stayed in the latrine all day. Same stuff they give you before a colonoscopy. Harmless but guarantees epic, relentless, repeated aerosol shitting. He'll never prove it and may not even know what got him.
It is available plain which is fine, and I just found the nice grape version while looking for an example for OP.
http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/walgreens-magnesium-citrate-saline-laxative-oral-solution-grape/ID=prod5604183-product
>>987778
I like this one. Extra nuts to cover exposed threads and increase loctite engagement would be a plus.
>>988154
I know i read the topic just putting it out there for other fags that need to know the boss won't always hold your hand and fondle your hurt butt
Either pick up a decent lock that would have need to be destroyed(or the thing it's locking destroyed) to get past and use it on your locker you could give the asshole picks and if you got a good enough lock it would just take too long for him to get in
If you use a masterlock or a brinks lock expect assholes to rack them or shim them
If you get a good lock chances are it'll last the rest of your miserable life
>>988159
If you really want to annoy the living fuck out of him get some steel pipe with a small slot cut in it that you put over the padlock hole then put the bolt in the pipe through the hole and make sure you use rounded over nuts
Maybe use a threaded rod and put a bunch of nuts on both side and leave the last one with no locktite to really fuck with him
>>988156
This is a beautiful idea
>>987723
> open friends locker
> line the inside door with mighty putty
>?????
> profit
>>987723
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_fM5cqSODc
3M VHB Tape.
I use this stuff all the time for lathe faceplate work.
>>988275
that would be totally impressive if those rigs has traction or momentum
show me a static load test with a hydraulic piston pulling on it
the crane lifts they do are more telling than this shit
flowerpot full of thermite should do the trick
>>988294
takes a crane to get it out
Take a massive dump inside his locker.
>>987723
Just take his stuff?
what kind of cuck are you?
>>987723
weld it shut.
>>988156
WTF are you talking about.
1) Potassium Citrate is not a laxative. It's a diuretic.
2) Bowel prep for colonoscopies is more commonly golytely or some other polyethylene glycol solution. OTC version is Miralax.
3) Your link is magnesium citrate. Which would work but an entire bottle of the stuff might produce 2-3 large BMs.
>>987755
>>987774
>>987839
>>988121
>>988127
>>988147
>>988156
OP here. To everyone debating the morality of ratting on him vs. perpetuating a prank war, my chef was actually the one that told me about it, and his comment on the situation was "so how are you going to counter that?"
he clearly doesn't give a fuck, and my coworker thinks he's big dicking me right now, so I've got to one up him. I'm not in a rush though, I want to do it flawlessly. plus you know what they say about cold dishes and revenge.
Right now what I'm thinking is that I'll build some sort of contraption to hold his locker shut that will be fastened internally so that it's impossible to remove.
picture two rectangular steel plates sandwiching the front and back of his locker, some sort of chain/cable/threaded bolt system inside that can be tightened from the outside but not released. Metal cable ties? security bolts? I've got a pretty specific idea in my head, I'll draw up a sketch soon
>>988497
Just shank his faggot ass
Use a magnetic lock on the inside so when you close it he can't reopen it.
Double down and jb weld the seams around the locker door. He will clear it only to find he still cant open it due to the unknown maglock.
Pic related, more diy trickery.
>>988497
Are you going to pay for a new locker after it all has to be cut apart?
Open his locker, put his stuff in multiple layers of contractor-grade garbage bags for optimum protection. Move the bag into the back of the locker. Close locker and empty a can of PU foam through the holes of the mesh into the locker. This way his stuff will be unhurt, but hard to reach.
>>988524
Fuck his stuff line locker with the contractor bags encapsulate his shit
When you one up someone do it so hard they never think about doing it again
You know what put the PU foam in his tail pipe get a super long tube and stuff it as deep as it'll go to make sure his shit is wreched
>>988509
Haha, yeah... His boss wants to laugh at him pranking the other guy. That's a hell of a lot different with him being cool with destroying his property.
Seriously, you people are fucking rabid baboons, pranks, good ones anyway, don't involve vandalism and property damage. Especially when the ones most affected aren't even the person being pranked.
But,OP if you really want to be a dumbass and do it, talk to the boss first and make sure welding or epoxying the damn locker won't get you fired with a civil suit to pay for a replacement.
>>988559
Someone has some issues...
>>988284
How do you feel about cold, emotionless data?
http://multimedia.3m.com/mws/media/986695O/3m-vhb-tape-specialty-tapes.pdf?fn=VHB%20Specialty%20Tapes%20TDS%2011-2015.
>>988599
Mmm data. . .
I wasn't doubting its ability to hold stuff just that the demo they choose isn't as impressive as the crane demos they do
At least to someone that has at least the slightest understanding of material engineering
>>988603
While I agree entirely, it clearly shows how little it took for rivets (even if they were just dinky little pop rivets) to fail.
>>988497
Find something that fits in the locker with his shit and will be really pissed off when he opens it. something like a bobcat, snapping turtle or a big tarantula, scorpion, or crab.
lock it inside with his shit, he'll have to open it to get his shit.
>>987723
>how can I permanently close his locker
Report him to your boss and get him fired.
Epoxy on all edges of the door, wait for a time when he has a day or two off.
>>987723
the only solution
>>987723
Just put stink bongs in his locker every day for the rest of your life. They are like 50 cents each.
>>988275
>I use this stuff all the time for lathe faceplate work.
Damn! If it stands faceplate work me want for many things. Thank you!
BLAST IT WITH PISS
/diy/ disappointed me today
simple solution
>lock his locker
>insert superglue into keyhole
pick that fgt.
>>988609
don't reply if you won't read the thread
I think better could be something rigged to fuck up his shit if he opens it. Like a paint bomb or something triggered by the locker door opening. So it's less that he can't open it in the physical sense and more that he can't open it without ruining his shit.
>>988662
That's wood faceplate work actually.
>>988617
Actually, yes. It would be a great prank without causing real, actual damage.
How to implement:
>Wrap his stuff in a plastic bag
>Wrap this bag in a bag (for guaranteed protection)
>Put both of these in an even larger bag (trash bag may be best. Fill with expanding foam and seal while in locker.
>Close locker.
No damage to his belongings or the locker, and bloody impossible to remove.
>>988497
>he clearly doesn't give a fuck, and my coworker thinks he's big dicking me right now, so I've got to one up him.
I was in a similar situation once. Guy stole a drink from my lunch, which normally fucking with someone's lunch gets you shot around here, but I'm not that edgy. Had to do something though, so I found out he was trying to get with another coworker's daughter that was around our age. Even though she wasn't attractive to me, I got her digits, flirted a bit, and started calling the coworker "Mom." He heard, got upset, talked a bunch of shit behind my back. Word naturally got around, so I called her up in front of him, flirted with her pretty obnoxiously but still got great results, and even told him she wanted to speak to him after I said he was there. He completely bitched out in front of everyone. Never fucked with me again.
Also her mom got upset because I stood her daughter up for a date a couple days later, but I honestly thought she knew I wasn't being serious. Anyway, blog post over, food for thought for an alternative option.
>>988720
Best and easiest solution. Treat his locker like the doors of an abortion clinic
>>987723
Does he leave his street clothes ion his locker while he's at work? Like a jacket or shoes?
If so, (you have to be sneaky about this) get a small handful of fresh bleu cheese from the prep cooks walk in cooler and put it in his inside jacket pocket, or cram it tightly down into the one of his shoes.
If you do it right, he'll never know anything until its starts to get really fucking rank after a couple of days.
You can plausibly deny it all if he ever guesses it was you.
>>987723
Pick his lock. Put a snake in the locker. Put the lock back on. Then prepare for retaliation.
The best thing to do is to let it slide. People that do childish shit like that don't usually like having the same shit done to them.
>>988497
>>987723
Picture relates. I used it to adhere my shitter to plain bathroom. Wobbed it to the right, spritzed the shit along the rim, wobbed it to the left and repeated. That shit solid. Has been literally immobile for three years now, and I never sit down slowly. ;)
>>988497
Just buy a normal fucking lock and fill it with superglue.
Simple, and no lasting damage to the locker.
>>987723
weld it shut
>>988607
I like your thinking, but i would like to add another level of assholery to it.
Bees, or wasps.
Get a behive using the regular garbage bag and shovel technique and rig it in some way inside the locker so that when he opens the door it will release them.
