Come on in, anon. What's been bothering you?
Last thread: >>17227944
>>17237378
I know that if she would just give me a chance I would show her that everything is okay and that we haven't changed as much as she thinks we have, but she won't even try.
It's hard really loving someone and not being able to show them.
We were doing fine just two weeks ago. Why break up all of a sudden? If long distance was too hard I understand, but we made a promise. Was I just a crutch to lean on until I wasn't within arm's reach?
>>17236925
>this is a major character flaw,but i compare myself to other girls
Don't worry so much about it.
I'm not exactly great with people, but from all I've seen, every girl struggles with this sometimes.
Even the most beautiful, intelligent, and interesting, who have no "better option" to be afraid of!
>>17237028
That's great, man. Don't fuck it up, try to be the man she deserves.
I think today is the day I kill myself.
>>17237437
Don't do it anon.
What's going on? Have you tried to seek help?
This guy I see at work has such an amazing smile, seems to have a great sense of humour and charisma. I can't even bring myself to ask him his name, I sperg out so much when I talk to him and say such stupid and embarrassing things.
I must keep reminding myself that he is out of my league :(
I'm losing some hope here.
I'm quite a failure. 28, not too long ago I graduated from the equivalent to high school in my country. I spent about a decade without going to school basically. The people I met in these last years have helped me with social skills a bit and I was wrongfully treated as someone to praise and respect. My friends would consider me to be really smart when I wasn't. Really hard working when I wasn't. Some kids I meet here and there already are much more qualified to do anything they propose themselves to and more. I barely use my brains.
Now I see myself in a position where people are expecting from me much more than I used to offer on the basis that I can possibly do it. Also everytime I get to an interview or anything involving paperwork, I'm unable to speak properly and I get pretty anxious. Even when I have no issues with what I'm doing I cannot articulate anything well. When I'm mistaken, I get really heated up as well, as if suddenly I got naked in front of 10.000 people.
And yet everyone else, every single one of those people who have treated me like a superior have no issues. They're pretty concise.
>>17237442
I have therapy in 36 minutes. I'm a depressed mess who loathes myself and now I've been given the good graces of having what looks like herpes appear on the corner of my mouth. <sarcasm> My good fortune never ends :). </sarcasm>
>It's time.
>girl who is 8/10 comes in
>kind of into her
>"I look ugly today, no makeup anon"
>"nah, you look beautiful today"
>fuckyeah.jpeg
>"ugh anon I can't talk to cute boys today"
Fuck...
>>17237476
Are you sure it's herpes? I often have Cheilitis at the corner of my mouth, it kinda looks like herpes, but it's not that.
Herpes anyway is not the end of the world. I think that almost 50% of the population has it. It's not like you have AIDS or cancer. It's not really an issue. I wouldn't care if my partner had it.
Seek help for your depression, talk to your therapist about your feelings.
Things will get better.
>>17237437
Don't fuck it up.
>>17237450
>he is out of my league :(
Buncha bullshit. Our subconscious has types but it doesn't have leagues. Nobody sticks to their own status after high school. Who knows, maybe you're exactly the kind of chick he's looking for.
>>17237489
yeah you can get cold sores on your junk, hsv 1
and you can get the naught hsv 2 on your mouth
so nobody fucking knows if you have scabs because you're an irresponsible slut or not
>>17237851
i've had the hsv 1 on my mouth, it was there one time and never came back
i think hsv 2 comes back every so often
don't fuck someone with crusty blisters
Thinking about quitting my wageslave job. I really can't take it anymore, shit pay and irregular hours.
Thing is, I'd become a recluse again. Not sure what to do.
I wonder what caused me to go from really wanting to get with her, to not really caring one way or another.
It was like a switch was flipped to cause the change
what the fuck
what the fuck
what the fuck
what the fuck
>>17237982
All day every day
Really want stupid people to kill themselves
The GRE quantitative portion is fucking bullshit.
I'm studying the quant section right now for my test tomorrow because I already know I am going to do well on the verbal portion, and I swear to god, there is always some weird curveball or new "rule" thrown at me every time I open up a new set of practice questions.
I'm not even applying to a masters program that involves math. I'm gonna try to break the 150 mark, but between these fucktarded questions and the time limit, I just don't know. Hopefully when I score 168 on the verbal portion it won't matter.
I am completely infatuated with my supervisor at work and I spend way too much time thinking about her. But asking out your supervisor is probably a bad idea?
I think I like girls more than I do guys.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah.
I'm stayin' alive.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah.
I'm stayin' alive.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah.
I'm stayin' alive.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah.
I'm stayin' alive.
A barely sexual talk with you takes me to the edge of orgasm.
>>17238027
Maybe you should lead by example, as I'm willing to bet you're not as bright as you think you are.
Ole lady of 6 years wanted out of the relationship. Left for a couple days, then wanted to try and make it work. Had a hunch she was crushing on someone else, told her to shoot straight and we'd try because I didn't and don't want to her go. Found out she lied about it. Still hard to let it go. Makes it worse we have to still live together for another couple of months
I had a great time hiking with her today, but considering she's not looking for anything with anyone at the moment, and just the overall vibe I got from our interactions, I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. I'm going to back off and leave things be. Because if something is meant to happen, it'll happen. But I don't think it'll happen if I keep the way I am
I'm drinking a Rockstar right now and it's fucking terrible. How did I used to like this shit?
I loved you since the first time we met, although we've been in other places before. I'm so happy to see you. Well over a decade and more, and I can truly say I Really fancy you - so far beyond anyone I've ever met. I'm ready and complete. You''re the love of my life
I'm just tired of everything.
Depression sure is a bitch...
No one would ever approve of us. Im as young as your nephew. 26 and 19. 7 year difference. To be honest... i don't really care what anyone else thinks, because i fucking love you. I love us. All of our crazy fucked up shenanigans.
You are the only one who gets my head. I can't even sort out my thoughts, but you have this wisdom about you that i can't even begin to fathom.
i miss us.
i love us.
I'm sorry i said no when you asked me to marry you. I still love you.
>>17238770
Nigga you 19. Bitch was crazy asking for marriage.
I did my best. You told me everyone you'd been with treated you badly and only wanted sex, even your ex husband. I made the changes I wanted to, shook up my wardrobe, went gluten free, gave you all the love, care, and respect in the world. You cried a lot and didn't know what to think now that you had someone who treated you How you deserved to be treated.
Here we are now. Haven't spoken in 2 months, you dumped all my stuff at my door. You said you couldn't handle my love, that it was too much for you right now. Why? I never got upset with you, save one single time in our relationship when I found out you were cheating on me with your ex. I did everything that I thought was right.
Why won't the pain go away. I gave you everything, stayed with you through every single panic attack, every time you got sick I was there with soup and a movie. Every time you were sad I held you close while you cried and watched Little Mermaid.
I put everything into our relationship. Why did you break up with me? Please come back. I miss you and somehow, I know deep in my heart, that you miss me too.
set me free
be with me
>>17238918
She's a broken person bro. There are plenty of girls out there that want a loving boyfriend... she isn't one of them.
It has been 15 years and I still think about it. I want to reach out but I'm scared.
FUCK. Its been three years. Why are you on my mind now?
I really do miss you. I wonder how you are. I'd never be with you again, because that was a joke. But I miss yoy
>>17238248
I'm sure there are a million reasons not to, not the least you being an anon.
I've been down on my luck with meeting people lately. Still miss her, and it's been half a year since we've talked.
I met another, and she's great, but nothing can come of it. Probably not interested anyway, but still. Circumstances are in the way
Hopefully things improve
Piano for anyone
http://vocaroo.com/i/s14aJrDeV1ya
My roommate won't tell me when I'm crowding her or not giving her enough alone time. She just bottles it up for weeks until she resents me and she eventually explodes, threatening to kick me out or some such thing.
How can I explain to her that I can respect her needs a lot more easily if she just communicates them to me? Or am I wrong and there's a deeper problem here?
>>17237378
I DONT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND I WISH I DID. I AM 23YRS OLD AND NEVER HAD ONE. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE SPECIAL
I DONT HAVE A JOB! I'V BEEN OUT OFF WORK FOR 3 MONTHS EATING OUT OF MY SAVINGS. I'V BEEN HERE AND THERE BUT NO LUCK. I PRAY TO GOD BUT I DONT FEEL HE IS HELPING
I DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS AND I WISH I DID. I HATE BEING ALONE. 4CHAN IS MY ONLY FRIEND
I AM CRYING WHILE TYPING THIS
>>17239619
Sorta the same here, anon. I just want someone who I can embrace fully and knowing that she embraces me as well, would mean everything to me. But I blame myself. I never seek out anybody. Maybe I should start actively talking to people instead of waiting for them to make the first move.
>>17239643
the problem for me is not talking to people but finding them. i cant exaclty go into a night club or bar looking for romance. only sluts go there to blue ball men
Why do I always get weird mid-to-late 20s dudes trying to talk to me in bars.
And I thought I was a lonely dude.
>>17239656
at least somebody talks to you
About 95% of the choices I've made in life are purely fear-based. I'm in a position now of giving up a lifestyle that, while it's certainly provided some good in my life, I would only continue living this way because of the fear of losing what I gained through it.
I think this is bullshit anon.
Ive basically conformed myself to do certain things and act a certain way because I was told by others that such a way of life would provide freedom. In a big way, mentally I am free, at least more so now than i have ever been in the past - but it is still limited and therefore not freedom at all.
It's brainwashing really. I believe I'm free but I'm not actually in freedom. They say 'do This and that' and 'don't do This and that and you'll be free'
I think it's a copout. Another way for the ego to stroke itself - you call it freedom and you need to convince others that it works so you can feel validated in you're own conformity. You tell people how free you are and how much better of a person you are and you do it just for praise. You're not free.
This is something I must experience for myself - not through a path etched out for me by others. I am not others - though we are all one in the same - my path is unique.
So this is a whole new process I must go through whilst isolating myself from all the people I've met in the last 2 years, cause they're all in this same misunderstanding - this same denial of their fear based lifestyle that's supposedly providing them freedom. And they'll do nothing more than talk shit about me cause I wouldn't be involved with them - yea you're so fucking free - you're so spiritual. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself and keeps the focus off of your own problems.
It's a joke, anon.
I know what my problems are. I'm not in denial of them. I question myself everyday.
I know just what I need. But that change is stressful, and will take time. So here I am venting. Thanks.
>>17239294
>21:10:07
Yes
>>17239681
oh, how exciting to see someone at the start of their journey and off to a good one by the looks of it.
wish you luck. not gonna lie you may find that things get very rough, keep going. you just started life.
We used to cuddle every night, talk, laugh, and do everything together. You would send me little notes before work about how much you miss me. Ask me to describe my day in detail.
Then you started hanging with your old "friends" who use you. "He's just a friend anon, dont worry." Then you stopped asking about my day. You stopped coming over. You wouldn't hold my hand when I drove, you didn't want to make love. You would text when we were together, and eventually you were "too tired" to hang out, but you used to come over after working 18 hour shifts almost daily.
Then the texts stopped. You only messaged me when you needed something. Your fucking bestfriend was more concerned about me then you were when I was sick.
I see your feed now and you say you miss him. You wish you were with him. Really? I was with you when you were at your lowest. You told me all your secrets and things you never told anyone before. You said I saved you from destruction, and you miss a guy you knew for a couple days. Pathetic.
You tell your friends your depressed, was I really nothing to you? Were all those months of us together nothing?
I don't know anymore.
>>17239725
cut that shit off like cancer, never look back, let yourself feel bad for like no more than three days.
General worries:
Unemployed for so long have almost zero motivation to job hunt anymore
Still have basically no social life, wanted to get my shit together first (let what little i had wither and die was stupid of me) want to do something but everything seems cost money and I can't justify spending it being unemployed.
I know thats probably just an excuse and clinging to ultimately false comfort (at least i'm not broke) but I can't see being very successful at making friends when I feel so insecure about my circumstances even if i was more willing to spend the money.
Also worried social skills have atophied somewhat, never had issues with reading social situation but its been so long since interacted with anyone outside of family or in business settings.
No girlfriend. Its an irrational one I know. I never even really looked for one because I know i'm not in any kind position to be having one. Still feels like a failing though.
No drivers license. again logically this shouldn't be one I don't have money for a car the accompanying expenses, i don't want one. Everyone I've ever known seems to be angry/miserable when driving. Still feels like a failing
Have become increasingly apathetic to avoid feeling like complete shit years ago.
Recent worries:
have been getting progressively less motivated to workout and go walking.
Future worries:
Going back to school in hopes of getting a job but even assuming success it'll be years and I'll be starting so far behind.
I can't help but be feel doubtful going to university again will help. it didn't seem to help much the first time and even though I know its not the same,
specific job training vs general degree, (should have STEM'd MEME) yeah yeah I know.
No huge global economic crash preceding grad. (hopefully)
I'm not going to pretend this isn't mostly my own fault, still feels vaguely shitty though.
>>17238918
Just move on bro. Trust me it will be the best decision you could ever make.
My ex left because I talked to another girl. Literally. Talked to another female. We were in the process of getting back together. We'd been talking for a week. I mentioned to her I talked to this feminist girl (we're both anti-feminist so I thought she'd get a laugh), and she went off on me. Told me to enjoy my new feminist girlfriend, blocked me on everything, ignored me, then started sleeping with another guy a few days later.
>>17239832
sounds like you dodged a bullet.
>>17239590
i wonder if anyone likes it
>>17237378
So yesterday at work before I clocked out I went to go use a Porto potty and a old guy who works with me decided to go up to it while I was pissinh and banged the door hard and said "get out of there ya dumbass" I got highly offended and startled by his banging and was pissed off. I tried confronting him about it right after but he was too focused on putting his crap away. So I decided to tell my boss about it. Next morning I find out he got written up for harrasment and he apologized. My boss told me he doesn't take shit like that too kindly so he said he write him up. Now I think the poor basyard will get fired which I hope not. But I told the old man I felt really disrespected and didn't appreciate the fact he curesed at me wince I treat everyone with the respect they deserve and I expect the same back. Did I fuck up for letting my boss know what happened ?
i hate this family. 18 years of my fucking life it's been nothing but fighting. i'm so miserable, i just want a normal, quiet, nice family. i disowned my own fucking mother at 15 for being an alcoholic narcissistic whore that just used me for child support. i hated waking up at 3am in 3rd grade because my mother and sister were in a screaming match and i just hid in the fucking closet til it was over.
this is one hell of a pity post but shit, i can't afford a therapist nor can i just rant to my friends. who wants to hear this shit??
and my dad was barely there. i was so fucking miserable at my mother's and he never fought to get me back in court; he just told me "it would be too expensive to get you back." meanwhile my uncle spent thousands to get his stepkids back. his fucking stepkids.
now i'm (forced) visiting him for the summer and all he does is argue with his wife
then he calls it a "heated discussion" like i'm a child.
i miss my grandmother. i just want to go back to her house where it's nice and quiet. i've never been so happy there. there's no dysfunction or arguing.
no, i gotta spend it with someone who hides whisky bottles around the house and gets into "heated discussions" with his wife every night
if you're a parent who puts your kids through this i hope you kill yourself. there's nothing worse then putting your kid through some damaging shit like this. i hate myself so much, knowing i'm related to a bunch of alcoholics. i've made myself throw up just to get chili out of me- chili made with "non-alcoholic beer". i don't give a shit, i'll never be like them. i'll be the parent they never were
i'll always be there for my kid and put them first and make sure they grow in a healthy, safe house
i just want to get a job and be independent and move far away from everyone
>>17239872
Yeah you tatletale. Plus it's just words. If dumb ass is enough to make you feel like fucking up someone's life then you have more things to worry about.
But if he spreads rumours or gets physical then fuck him up.
>>17239872
Old people have shit bladders and intestines. He was probably about to shit his pants. Their temper is shit too so he probably just panicked and swore.
>>17239958
>>17239963
He's a little bitch I guess it isn't the first time it has happened. I don't think he will get fired. If anything I'll just quit and work elsewhere if it comes down to it. I could have confronted him but I was heated and didn't have kind words to tell him at the moment hence why I told my boss. I'll lay his old ass out if anything. Its whatever's I guess. I tend to have the outmost respect for people and expect the same.
I love her, but she is pushing me to adapt a very, very, cynical worldview. I hope she realizes what she is doing, if she won't listen to me.
>>17239908
Go to grandma's then bro. Stay positive brother.
>>17239978
Dude you are literally autism. I bet you are a person who friends can't joke with. Like if someone made fun of you jokingly then you would go all "muh feels" and muh respect.
Seriously there was no reason to confront him either. Just ignore it. If you were truly respectful you would kill him with kindness. No one is going to respect you now that you were the "little bitch". Also no one owes you respect. You earn it by being the bigger man.
The only time you fuck him up is if he is going to cause actual harm to you, your possessions, or reputation ( like spreading rumours). Although you've already fucked your reputation without his help.
Be the bigger man anon.
>>17239908
Anon start looking for a job ASAP look for a room to live in, it'll be around 300-500 a month, that should be affordable if you work full time and then get the fuck out of that house and leave the horrible place behind. You WILL NOT be happy until you leave, you can do it, they may be blood but that doesn't mean they're family.
>>17237938
Initials?
I'll never be able to bang this woman... *sniff sniff*
Currently 22 and a virgin. Unemployed due to shit local economy, and I live in a shitty redneck rural area. I have a buddy that lives about 5 hours away, in a nice city. We have plans to get a apartment together next month and split rent. From what I gather, he wants to leave the apartment he's staying in because of family members' drug problems. Which I can relate to as well.
He says I can get a job within a week in the city, which is dank. But here's the big problem with me.
I have a severe anxiety disorder and I'm scared that I'll be at work and get start to feel anxious and have a panic attack. And shit anons, that spooks me.
How do I man up and quit being a pussy faggot
>>17238258
Me too. I still don't trust them for jack but I lubricate at the thought of feeling a woman's soft body pressed against mine. Running my finger through her sweet smelling hair, delighting at the goosebumps she gets when I stroke the side of her body, or on the inside of her hips.
But then you know, no woman is really ever "straight"
My gf is 9 week pregnant, she lied about getting abortion on monday, we are not seeing each other right now giving room to think and etc.I have accepted that this is out of my control , told my gf what I think, and waiting for her to come to a decision point her self.
>>17240017
Meh I go to work to do my Job an go home at the end of the day, I'm not there to make friends or to joke around. I don't know him like that so I honestly can care less about their jokes and about what you have to say with your "muh autism" meme. You either respect others or you don't simple as that. Not once have I joked around like that with people I don't know especially with coworkers. This discussion is pointless anyways. Goodnight, faggot.
>tfw the Byzantine Empire fell
How do I deal with this
>>17240017
>you earn it
You do but doesn't mean people can go around being dicks. I respect people no matter how long I have known them. If they don't respect me then I won't associate myself with people like that.
Fuck you. And im glad you broke up with me because Ive tried to do it twice with you and you wouldn't let me. Waste of my time
>>17239294
>>17239760
I try to move on, but I can't. How do you move on from someone you love so much? I thought she was the one, I STILL think she's the one. I don't know if I can move on from that. In the end she got upset with me for trying to get an explanation as to why she left and her mom and sister threatened to call the police on me rather than Let me give her a proper goodbye.....I was nice to her and her family, I was kind, never treated her badly, never forced her into anything, always supported her decision no matter what. I support her decision now.....but I'm just sad that through everything I lost the love of my life....I lost my best friend......
I got out of depression into something that feels equaly shitty but in a different way
My life is fucking lifeless. No close bonds with people, not enemies, not a girlfriend, just nothing.
I say hi, you say hi, we even talk a little bit, but in the end I feel nothing for anyone of you, fucking why?
Is there really someone out there that will love me? That will be interesting? That I want to share my life with?
Being alone felt good but it's getting boring, not sad, not exiting, fucking boring. And it's fucking killing me, It actually surprised me that I started to think on suicide again but for other reason, the fucking, neverending, boring state of my life. Hell, I'd rather deal with the drama all of the faggots above me are dealing with than this shit.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE BE MY ACTUAL FRIEND. FUCK.
>>17240076
Listen anon I was like you once...
Plz read this even if you don't want to argue. It's something I struggled with for a long time too....
You realize that now even your boss won't trust you right? Because you will probably tell on him to a higher up when something stupidly small happens. You aren't earning respect.
Listen I don't mean let people walk over you. That's why if he hit you or said "anon is stealing from the office" then fuck him up.
But aside from that you shouldn't take yourself so seriously.
I was exactly like you. I use to get super pissed when the smallest amount of disrespect was shown. But then I realized that someone calling me a dumb ass doesn't hurt me in anyway! I was insecure and so are you.
I only called you autistic to get a reaction out of you. Do you really want to be so weak that something this small will hurt you? Real strong people cannot be moved by anything.
Look at trump! Say what you want and everyone hates him but he is impossible to bring down with insults. Even when hillary insults him he either ignores it or bites back. He doesnt cry disrespect.
Plus people will naturally see that old man's true character. I'm only sharing my knowledge because I was hurting for a long time too because of my attitude.
So much to do, so little time
Monkeys are scaling my back as I type this
Stress is soaring higher than ever,
it seems I'll have to bite the bullet this time
>>17240089
It actually does. They can do whatever they like.
You should just ignore them. Not go down to their level and be a dick too by getting them fired.
Be the bigger man anon....
I think I'm gay but I don't know if i really am and I'm too scared to cuddle with strangers to find out.
is there like a thing online I can do to figure it out? like a list of common traits or a quiz?
>>17240250
Have you ever masturbated to gay porn
What's the ratio between non gay and gay porn
Or the ratio between 'man (s)he's hot', which one do you use more often?
I think I want to kill myself. I don't think I can do this anymore.
My moms warped sense of love made me realize I can't believe when anyone tells me they love me. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to die
>>17240261
>dying because your mom says I love you
Okay beta, now when are you going to grow up?
>>17237378
i'm slowly beginning to realize that even as I lose weight and start gaining the attention of girls my age again (19 almost 20). I'm never going to be able to abandon the fact of how socially incapable I am of being romantic or flirty with women. It almost feels like I'm becoming good looking for nothing. Oh well, hopefully I'll lose my v card in the next couple months
>>17240259
no. I don't watch porn. its like the one thing I'm a good christian about.
I do point out hot guys a lot now that you mention it, i don't really look at girls a lot. guys are just easer to compliment.
There's convincing and unbiased evidence proving the existence of God and convincing and unbiased evidence disproving the existence of God. I don't know what to believe anymore. If there really is nothing, is it worth living to see that day? Or if there is something, perhaps if there's even a flicker of hope that there is more to life than this, will I ever live or die to see that day? I want to die and no one will ever care.
>>17240273
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>>17240286
>drepessed bro that is cynical and smug when someone tries to make him feel worse
Nice, anon. That's when you know the pain inside is real and to attention whoring. You've got that at least.
>>17237378
i fuck up again whit my relationship, it was only a minute but maybe a girl saw me on omegle and i told her, i dont know if my girlfriend will forgive me
>>17240276
the more I think about this, i begin wondering if i'll ever find love or anyone who cares about me. I've taken this weird cold impersonal approach to life since I was like 16 and haven't really been as trusting or open since. I know i WANT to open up to someone and just be my full self but at the same time I want to isolate myself from everything and everyone and keep my emotions on a remote island that no one can reach.
i guess i have problems, but i'm gonna bottle them up just a little longer until they somehow come pouring out in a fit of irrational behavior
>>17240308
Are you me?
Were you a only child?
>>17240296
Thanks man.
I'm a girl btw
>>17240311
no, i grew up with my one older sibling.
glad to know my ranting resonated with someone though
>>17239908
>nor can i just rant to my friends. who wants to hear this shit??
I do.
I come to 4chan (and start these threads) to listen to random strangers vent about the problems in their lives.
Do you think I wouldn't want to listen to a friend?
>>17240116
>something that feels equaly shitty but in a different way
It's called Schizoid. Look it up. Many of us around here.
Your post makes a good textbook example.
>>17240261
>therapy
>suicide
Which sounds like a more reasonable option to you, anon?
Go see a professional.
>>17240308
You need some therapy too. Therapists deal with that shit (trust issues, difficulty opening up) literally all day, every day. It's as common as mood swings or anger management issues.
You take your car to a mechanic when the engine light comes on, now show yourself the same care and respect and take your ass to a shrink.
>>17240317
Someday anon. I know someday someone will care enough about us that they will try to open us up. At least that's what I tell myself when I work out, I know it helps.
Cus I'm sure as shit I'm not doing that anytime soon (WHY GOD)
>>17240320
I probably won't kill myself or see a therapist. I have bouts of depression in the moment something upsetting happens, but after I get over the initial grief I'll be fine again.
Just needed to get out my melodramatic thoughts
>>17240327
>Cus I'm sure as shit I'm not doing that anytime soon
we're both gonna make it fellow /fit/izen, and we'll both find that person we're meant to have open us up. Stay up senpai
>>17240320
>Schizoid
Holy shit it's like they wrote this shit about myself
I'll talk to my therapist about it, it's the first time I have in words he can understand how I feel
Thank you
I want to get a chick, like a 3rd-gen dark-skinned Asian, get her to wear one of these.
Im terrified of growing old. For some reason i have
begun to feel this immense amount of dread, that i wont be able to do everything i want before i become old and incapable. Look at this picture. Why does this scare me so much? This is probably the best thing a man could wish for.
So my ex who left me a month ago with no talking puts up a snapchat story with lots of sad faces and stickers which say "I miss you" and "thinking of you".
I notice she always checks my snapchats almost immediately.
So I sent her a message saying "is it about me?" which I shouldn't have, and she said "No". I ask "Who?" and she replies that she doesn't need to explain anything.
Do you think it is about me and she doesn't want to lose her pride or not?
My wife is has gotten really insecure because of weight gain.
To me she is still the same person it doesn't mater and I tell her this just about every day.
But it's really effecting our sex life and it's making it harder and harder to be intimate.
It's pushing us apart haven't had sex in 2 1/2 months with just a bunch of exuses. I push her to exersize and even work out right along side her but she always bails.
I change what we buy at the store for a cleaner diet but she still orders out.
I put everything on the table to help her and she does absolutely nothing for herself.
It's getting harder and harder and has been this way for the past year.
Before this we would be intimante maybe 1 time every month
Don't know what to do but it's killing our marage... My eyes wander quite often but I never act On it. feel neglected by my wife and wish she would just be herself again
>Wonder every day if a girl likes me
>Stop being a faggot and ask her out finally
>Now I will finally know
>She says she wants to focus on her studies right now but willing to go out once next semester starts
>I still don't know
I hate worrying about it every day and I don't think I'll truly know until I actually get a date with her which is in over 2 months. I don't know how I'm going to deal with the wait.
>Does she really mean it or is she just making excuses not to go out? Should I be waiting around for girls anyway?
>She's the nerdy type who would actually be taking her studies seriously
>She's never had anyone ask her out before so she's not out getting other guys
>Is she even into dating?
>Then again she didn't necessarily say no
>Then again she's a very kind person so she could just be trying to be nice.
>Then again she's showed very vague signs of interest
>Then again I could be reading them wrong
Fucking wish I could stop worrying about this shit because it's fucking pathetic. Like yeah I'll find out in 2 months but it's TWO LONG MONTHS.
>>17240607
why the fuck did you send her that message you autistic mess?
Should've waited for her to message you begging for dick.. you dun goof'd
It's probably intended for you
>>17240634
brah let's be real here, if you're interested in chick and had a million exams you'd take 2 hours from your day and go out with the girl to see what's up with her.
She isn't interested enough obviously or she'd agree to see you asap even tho she has a few exams... ffs we all do.
I suggest you to consider and expect nothing out of that shit , you should just look at it like she said no when you asked her out and then if she contacts you in 2 months you decide if you want to go out with her but i guarantee you 100% you'll not hear from her again and that just proves my point that she was never interested enough to begin with.
>>17240635
Yeah I realised how desperate I seemed after I sent it. I'll give it another month without talking and just keep trying to improve.
Thanks for the opinion
>>17240626
>My wife is has gotten really insecure because of weight gain.
This is the dumbest fucking shit.
>be insecure about weight
>lose weight
Is it that hard? Or is the insecurity not enough motivation?
Self-hatred is enough for me to work out daily until i almost collapse, it should be enough to start eating a healthier diet.
>>17240634
She sounds like the insecure anxious type that buries herself in studies and pretends she doesn't need anyone. Don't be surprised at this behavior if she is, and keep in mind that you'll have to be persistent, but it's possible. And most of the time, these girls are absolutely worth the effort.
>Does she really mean it or is she just making excuses not to go out?
Both, probably. Wants to go out but too anxious, hoping that maybe she'll build up the courage by next semester, or maybe she'll have gotten over you, or maybe you'll have gotten over her, or maybe she'll be less busy and have more time to think about it, etc. Wants to avoid the issue since it makes her anxious. And at some unis, final exams are going on right now.
>Should I be waiting around for girls anyway?
Only the ones that are worth it. Is she one of them?
>She's never had anyone ask her out before
Is she 300lbs?
>>17240658
Don't go months without talking. Should at least remind her you exist and that you haven't lost interest. Just chat casually about your summer plans, whatever.
>Wednesday was ready to do whatever I damn well please with flying colors
>Thursday, feel burned out as shit
>This shit happens in on-off cycles. The latter moreso
>Have quite a few moments where cry in my sleep even though nothing's wrong
I think something's wrong with me.
>>17240641
We talk almost every day though, just about random shit, it's not like she said "nah, later" then stopped all contact. Then I would be pretty confident she wasn't interested.
>>17240683
I think you may be right honestly. Even though we talk the convos still feel kind of blank and awkward, like neither of us know what to say. Very much unlike other people I know that I'm comfortable around.
>Only the ones that are worth it. Is she one of them?
I think so. Just feels lame to sit around waiting for a girl, /fit/ might have skewed my perspective on relationships though.
>Is she 300lbs?
She's the antisocial nerdy type. Probably just never got around to dating like many average looking capable guys. Also I think my taste is different from most people because I don't think many would find her as attractive as I do. But she's average weight, maybe a little under.
This post gave me a little more confidence though.
>>17240785
i replied to you because i had the similar situation
i asked the bitch out and had some exams at the time and she knew about it and gave me something like "how about you pass those exams and we go out" so we went out like a month later few times and i got to second base but nothing more than that because i fucked up hard so that's how i learned
>>17237378
Does anyone else feel different after having fucked an ugly girl? Like a permanent sense of shame? I can't get over this. It's probably because it has been the only unpaid sex I've had in 3 years. And it's telling that this ass ugly chick was the only thing I could bed.
>>17240828
You've fed her self esteem, now you're going to be burdened with that one little fact the rest of your life and hers.
Be prepared to guard your self worth with your life.
I graduated High-school with mid-tier results and could barely survive in community college now.
I think my whole family is disappointed in me
I alway wanted to change the world.
That changed when I saw how happy families could be. At that point I still followed my career goals, but I promised to myself that I would stop if it meant to come closer to a loving family.
Yesterday I finally understood that some things just are not possible.
I don't love my family, to be honest to myself, I don't love anybody.
I have always been happy with how events in my life turned out, because I saw each and every single one as stepping stones towards a truly happy life.
Only, there is no destination. I will not reach the life I have been longing for.
Yesterday I thought that my shut-in phase and crisis of existence was over after several weeks once more and I could do what I've been doing for years when such crises end and return to my social life, my studies and my work.
I can't. I have never been this defeated.
>>17239872
You are a whiny, little, queer that ran like a bitch to management.
I hesitate to say, 'Men like you are more akin to a salty woman with a beach-worth of sand in her vagina,' but only because I cannot call you a man, and your actions prove it.
No one, not even life for that matter, owes you anything, you entitled, spoiled, brat.
>>17239978
>gets "highly offended"
>feels he "deserves" respect
>tattles to the boss
>cannot handle their business like a man
>calls someone else a little bitch
You are the ultimate beta-male. A boy like you insulting anyone turns over the propulsion systems in my sides, which are about to leave orbit, kek.
I come to /adv/ when I feel lost, but I'm too aimless to ask for any real advice. I need to sleep pretty badly but in my aimless search for something I can't pull myself away from the computer.
I want to have sex with a young guy.
I know it would be really gay but im at peace with that now.
even thinking about it is arousing, it plagues my mind
but would i like it? would it be any good?
I have to know
I'm willing to risk it all. The respect and my peers to find out
>>17241230
a guy in his 20's i mean not a child, that's shit.
I feel that even if I was able to overcome everything and suddenly be happy it still wouldn't be worth it. I still lost a decade to depression and wasted my youth sitting in front of the computer, crying, going back and forth from doctors and the psych ward and trying medicine that did nothing.
I'll never get that youth back and even if tomorrow I was magically mr super happy shitting rainbows confident I'd still be 25 with zero life experience and unable to compete or do good for myself, I won't be able to find a job or a girlfriend or go to college or fucking anything when everyone else has a life of experience they're working off and I'm mentally still 15.
And for that reason I've given up on my own happiness and by winter I will have killed myself.
Man, this bitch is so annoying...
She's also a fucking liar.
Why the fuck did I have to be sexually abused as a child? Why the fuck am I so alone in all of this and everyone that decides to even bother to get close to me gets turned off by the amount of damage I have.
I didn't ask for this nor did I choose for this to be a part of my identity but now it is, and I can't do anything about it. I get so emotionally attached to women that show me any sort of affection in some sort of sick twisted mental Stockholm Syndrome where I'm constantly stuck in a loop of highs and lows and I just want it to stop.
I want to be a stable human being, not this mess of a person.
I told you everything from the bottom of my heart and it's just been a constant back and forth and I need to drown it out again with weed or whatever other substance I can get my hands on so that I stop thinking of even having a chance with you.
I am damaged and I can't help it.
>>17240031
I am a D
This is about an M
>>17241459
>an M
This makes sense but should it be "a M"? I wonder...
>>17241463
You wonder if it's about you? Doubtful. Just tell me the last initials of both.
>>17240562
Please /adv/ i need closure on this.
>>17241526
No man, i was wondering about grammar.
An M makes sense but a M makes gramatical sense.
>>17241579
Ah NVM then. I thought you were the same as the one who asked at first.
Dear M, back when highschool ended and you told me everyone hated me, and when you told me that i'm a piece of crap. I didin't feel anything, in fact i didin't even care.
Today however, i resent you as much as i want to thank you on that.
It was a wake-up call i needed. Although you're still a whore and i dislike you.
Dear twin brother,
Not sure why mom and dad only let you go to school when we were kids and only you were allowed to have friends and relationships and jobs when we were teenagers.
But now you're a heroin addict just like our dad was. You even act like him sometimes too. You have at least 3 kids all with different women who drain you for child support. Your health is in the shitter despite me being the one who grew up obese. And you still live with our parents as far as I know.
Most of all, you were the worst bully I had to deal with growing up. Worse than the kids who would call me "Moby Dick" in highschool. You made my life hell.
But I should also thank you because these days, I'm seeing a lovely therapist, I'm losing weight, I have my GED, my driver's license, and just finished working through college (which you and mom and dad always said I was too retarded for), and I'm about to start my childhood dream career. But above all else, cutting you and our parents out of my life was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck you.
Love, your twin sister.
>>17241579
"an M" is grammatically correct because the name of the letter it's self is pronounced "em". If they said "mom" it would be "a mom" because m is does not sound like "em"... Just saying.
>>17241806
Yeah, that what i was thinking.
>>17241806
it's one of those weird things that makes the English correct when they type "an history" but makes Americans hurt.
sometimes people put one last little thing on an already heavily loaded bridge, causing it to collapse. that's when you break out the napalm and burn it down.
stop taking my actions out of context and putting them in an entirely new context of your fabrication to show me in a negative light. fact of the matter is half the time the immediate situation isn't the context for any of my actions, but tips the scales between the 5 variables I've been balancing over the last months in such a way that a small situation can warrant more serious action.
it's not my fucking problem if you don't understand. it is when you try to paint me negatively from behind a blindfold. fucking stupid. shut your mouth, step in line, observe, learn. cause problems, get the fuck out.
I need help but there's no where I can think of turning to
fuck
>>17241904
should be "to turn to"
what'll I do
>>17241902
are you me? cause you just described word for word how i feel about literally everyone in my life
My doctor said I'm no longer depressed. It's a nice confirmation on another level than feeling good. So I'm happy.
So I found out that the lumpy but eloquent and funny grognard wizard who turned me down went on some prostitute holiday.
I think I want to kill myself. Yeah, that sounds great. What use is an ugly woman to this planet when all we are to men are mobile fleshlights?
I'm always a side bitch in some way shape or form, which is perfectly fine for me since I don't care for anything long-term right now as I am way more focused on my career than devoting my time to some fuckhead, but of course it's not fine for the main woman. Regardless of whether they know or not, I always either feel severe guilt for the other lady, especially when she's unaware.
I have started off as thinking I'm the only one, and then I'll be let in on their secret in the throes of being smitten, or they've got weird circumstances. No matter how you spin it, I'm the other woman.
>"I got married to the only woman I've ever been with, she needed a green card"
>"She only loves me for my mind. She's a lesbian, but we're still together"
>"She lives far away under a lot of familial surveillance despite being 25. I love her dearly, but I'm lonely"
>ALL: "Don't see anyone else, just me."
I just want to say I will never be able to compete. They're always far more successful, intelligent, gorgeous etc. I'm always worse off than them. 100% of the time I'm a second-rate sardonic version of them. I have sat around stalking these women online, looking at all their accomplishments, admiring their beauty, and they always look so sweet.
I sit there, knowing that she could do so much better, wishing I could tell her about her supposed dearly beloved.
But I don't. I don't know if I'd like to know if my SO was doing this sort of shit. It'd shatter my own shitty ego. Maybe they can move on faster. I hate conflict too much. Now I'm just trying to save my ass. Of course these are despicable actions. I should stop, but romance and intimacy as disingenuous as it may be is still just that. I'm doomed to be alone like most women in my family, and I think I'm okay with that. Doesn't mean I have to take these ladies down with me.
These 30-something, hip, bespectacled white boys. They all like to play sensitive romantic but they're all perverted, manipulative, entitled fuckheads.
I was naked and wanted to go home to get some clothes. She insisted that I helped her. I got a sweatshirt, and then walked with her. Once we got there, we went inside, and went into a large rectangular hole in the ground, it was about 8ft deep. There was a bed frame with a bed on top of it, and multiple blankets, the bed was made nicely. We all started shoveling dirt out. I told her about how things would get dirty living there, she didn't respond. I chose the spade since it held less dirt per shovel, so it'd be easier to throw the dirt out without paying too much attention to how much dirt I got on the spade.
>>17241943
>grognard
I've never heard that word before; thank you for enriching my vocabulary. If you post a voice sample, I'll read your cards for you.
This girl i like gets really close to my face, I think she wants to kiss, but I'm too much of a chicken to do it.
>>17241912
I think I'm me. it's probable that you are you, but possible that you are also me because I am he as you are he as you are me
And we are all together. I am the walrus, goo goo g' joob
if by chance you're one of a generation that does not know the beatles, that's the beatles - I am the walrus.
idk man, sometimes you just gotta wipe your life clean of everyone elses bullshit that's holding you down. I've gotten maybe a little more aggressive with it than maybe is healthy but I have to make up time I wasted on other people's lives.
>>17240737
Bipolar maybe?
>>17241974
so what you're saying that that you weren't too invested in the relationship?
might have to use a modified version of that metaphor. in mine I'd be building a house while the other person was actively shoveling dirt into it and insisting that the hole in the ground would be better, refusing to even look at what the fuck I was doing.
>>17241994
The Beatles were a little before my time but not so much to not get the referrence. I grew up during the mid 80s and through the 90s for the most part.
But that's a good attitude to have. You wasted time on people who aren't worth it so you deserve to be more aggressive with getting back to a place in life where you're happy.
Just saw a guy who is sad all the time happy and smiling.
It was crushing; that motherfucker is always with his sad gloom and he could smile truthfully with happiness...
Even him could find joy in life, even if just for a moment, and i'm here in this permanent sadness.
The happiness of others is starting to bother me now too, it's a reminder i'll never be happy.
>>17242293
>i'll never be happy.
not with that attitude. what are you gonna do anon? you gonna wallow? or you gonna make moves towards being in a better place in your life?
frankly I don't want another person in the world that went down the path that leads to being that cunt that screws shit up because they feel like everyone elses satisfaction with their life needs to be on the same level. I've met enough of those people, I don't need anymore. the world as a whole needs less of those people.
life is great, but damn I wish it would hurry up.
also I can't tell if this girl is uninterested in me or just shy as fuck
>>17240058
any ideas?
>>17242376
>implying i didn't try
>implying it didn't drain me
I'm not that cunt. I'm suffering alone because i don't want to make other people sad with me.
People can be happy it's their right.
>>17242501
get up anon. it's gonna be okay, but not if you don't move.
I'm tired of this shit. Trying hard as hell to be friends with this girl (would make her the first friend i've had in 5 years) but it's an colossal test of patience.
Thankfully I have a lot of patience.
It's just that I have work to do and she's just giving 2 word responses and dropping conversations randomly.
Not gonna put up with this shit much longer.
>>17241943
Robot wizard in training here.
Don't let it get you down, You're not the problem, and to be honest, neither are ALL MEN. The problem is guys like us, maybe we get called 'creepy' one too many times, or get lead on. Maybe we found out she was laughing behind our back at how pathetic and whipped we are.
We give up on love, and that means, to some of us, yeah, you're only fleshlights. That's not even the most toxic thought goin' on abut women - some won't even want sex with you, you're too much of a threat. They don't see you as sex objects, but they don't see you as people either, more like landmines they gotta tread lightly around.
Some sociopaths will also see you that way, but their are some genuinely decent (naive) guys out there.
I'd know, I laugh when they keep repeating their mistakes.
My point is, there are tonnes of desperate ass men out there and each one has there own things that they're in to, different strokes and all that shit. The problem isn't you or how you look.
The problem is guys like us (and maybe the incredibly hostile women that pass the hate along, creating both the endless shit cycle, and with it misogynists).
The only problem you've got is that maybe you've got really shit taste in men, but that's about it.
>>17242586
You can't know that.
Don't give people false hopes because it hurts in the end.
>person is very interested in me
>is a legit 3/10
>don't know how to dissuade them without badly hurting feelings
Shit. Anyone out there good with tact?
>>17242635
Not interested you social failure. Here you are thinking youre putting all this effort in to get results with her. While shes trying to get you to fuck off.
Don't know what I am going to do with my life. I live day by day, maybe I just need a women to set me straight, but I can't find one worth my time.
>>17239643
Same boat here anon, I wish I could get a girl like other people I know. Only girls I can get are fucking sluts.
>>17241943
Would you give an anon a chance to talk to you?
>>17242635
Trying to be friends with someone requires patience? what kind of desperate loser are you.. if someone doesn't give you the time of day take a hint and ditch em for someone that does.
It's time for me to take matters into my own hands for my acting career. Country not bringing in any roles and opportunities right now so I'm forced to produce my own material, my own short films.
It feels overwhelming and hard to swallow, especially seeing other industry people with more opportunities than you leave the country to try their luck abroad, or people who just have more social skills than me get something out of a director through charisma. But fuck them all, I got my own good credits and just because I got a lot less exposure, I still gotta try.
Comparing yourself to other people's successes will drive you to oblivion.
Goddamn. girl... It's been almost a decade at this point and the feelings never seem to completely go away... They came back stronger than they had in a very long time. Christ, man, you're just so beautiful... If I'd been able to do eight years ago what I did yesterday, I don't think you'd be able to find a happier guy on earth. I'm just so comfortable when I'm with you. You really are my best friend. I love you so much both platonically and romantically.
It's such a bittersweet feeling. I feel great when I'm with you, but then I remember that there will never be anything between us. Fuck, dude. I hadn't felt this longing in a long time. It's honestly soul-wrenching. This yearning is about as strong as it's ever been.
If nothing ever does come of this, I just hope I can move on. So many times I've thought that I have and then you get all dolled up for something or other and I see you. And you're just absolutely stunning. I'm just 100% back in. I just hope and pray that I never fucking relate to this quote any more than I already do.
Everywhere I go, all I can think about is how my face isn't as good as other guys that I see. I spend a lot of time mentally comparing myself to other dudes.
I would say it's my only real insecurity. I'm confident in my intelligence, my personality, my body. But not my face.
i hate the fact that i cant tell if you are or were attracted to me or if it was just my brain tricking me into believing my time had come, well i guess im back to square one
It's easy for you to say "be yourself" when you are born attractive 10/10 and get the ticket for easy life you bitch.
Fine!
I'll stop being stubborn!
Dianne, are you really already in love with that guy?
Dad,
Just because mom isn't home doesn't mean it's okay to watch porn in the living room.
Sincerely,
Your son
do you understand how it works now?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHU6ZRQJ50Q
>>17237378
im falling apart again and i need you to help me
oh man, those cringe worthy jabs.
I don't care. like, what do you want? I just pity you and all the people around you. you need to understand, we aren't going along like all is forgiven, this is me treating you like I do all strangers.
how interesting. wish you were here.
breathe
>>17243551
I don't care shithead. I'm not forgiving you either. I'm done with your manipulation. Incase if you didn't notice, I was just trying to be polite and the bigger man. We are never going to be buddies.
I feel like there's some quintessential part of being a person that I'm missing like something just seems to click in other people and I'm left just trying to figure why.
I don't really like or trust my family too much and I have this urge to cut connections with them but I can't do it because I feel like they would be helpless without me even though they could get by well enough
I get along better and trust my internet friends more than people I know irl maybe its the amount of space between us and the ability to just ignore them with no ill consequences.
I'm a really boring person but I also really enjoy life really stupid shit just makes my day.
I don't want to die in my sleep I want to make death earn it's keep.
Don't work retail.
>>17243632
im not talking to you baka
The last time I saw you was June 3, 2015. I watched you walk to the security checkpoint in the airport, my heart heavy as I yearned for you not to leave me. I never thought in a million years that it would be (possibly) the last time I would see you again.
It's been over a year since then. A year without you. A year of tears and sobs and a shattered heart. I want to believe that you really care about me still, but after everything.. how can I? You tell me nonsense, how your feelings haven't changed for me but you may as well just be a stranger now.
I was looking through my computer and found some pictures of you that I saved. And I remember how you and I felt at that time that you sent them to me. Do you remember how much in love with me you were?
Now I think of you and... you say you wanted to keep being in my life but you may as well as be gone all over again. And I'm crying now because I wish I could get the 'you' back that I see in these pictures. And I'm thinking about how much time has passed. How I haven't touched anyone else since then, and I wonder how many girls you may have fucked in this past year since you made up your mind about breaking my heart. If anybody got to touch you and taste you and never know how special it really was to be in your arms.
You would hate for me to say that I regret everything, but I do. If I could turn back the clock and tell myself not to fall in love with you, I would. I would never have to know what life is like without your love. Without hearing your voice and seeing your smiles and tasting your sweet kisses. God, I'm so tired of this...
I learned today that I'm a staunch right-wing or conservative feminist.
This is not good. Lot of feminists are jumping on the leftist bandwagon. I don't have a place to call home.
>>17243569
Speak to me if you have the time. I can't always be on the run.
This whole process has been stressfull and frustrating, like a painfull long walk in hell. The worst thing is that it isnt even finished and I still have tons of things to get done.
And damn, its killing me. Cant sleep, anxiety and little panic attacks....
But once I have the file done I will indulge myself for a week or so.
i've entered this "content" period in my relationship with my gf of 8 months (soon to be 9). i feel like thats what's supposed to happen, right? like I don't need her to be happy. but it just feels weird to me. we've been LDR the last month and a half, that's probably why. i'm not feeling weird for any real reason right?
>>17243754
well, not that i don't need her to be happy. my life would be so much less happy without her. but i'm just like super content right now, like no fleeting romantic highs or dramatic negative falls. is that weird?
>can't enjoy reading now
>can't enjoy videogames
>can't enjoy films
>only thing I do enjoy is music
>I can't do that anymore because my headphones have a broken hinge
>it's uncomfortable as fuck to hold them in place and I can't focus on the music itself
>I have absolutely no way to spend my time now
I might have mild depression now but I have no fucking clue if there's any drug just for my specific
problem.
>>17237378
I am really sad for this girl , she is addicted and really need help =(
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUD7s8bEdaQ
Good for you, boy. Enjoy your harem. I don't do rat races, so count me out
We broke up. She said things were not the same anymore, but to be honest she doesn't have time for me right now anyway. Medicine can be a very absorbing career. That, and being on the student council. Yet, I was not ready. It's been like a month now, I had to ask her to block me on facebook because I just couldn't help but want to talk to her, know how she's been doing. She said she wanted us to be friends, but she knew it was impossible. I agree. To me, it was way more important to respect her decision and leave her experience this wonderful moment that is being in college, with all the people you can meet and all the things you can do. It won't happen again you know? I'm pretty sure she's having a blast right now with all the stuff she's doing with the student council and all the new friends she's making.
Life has only one direction. I'm trying my hardest to move on, but today it feels like I'm about to drown. How can something so wonderfully beautiful unleash so much sadness and pain? Well of course it wasn't exactly the relationship, but the fact that it's over now. It feels like all the things I believed in about a healthy relationship weren't really of any use. Where did I go wrong? She couldn't explain why, not even to herself.
I don't know what to do. I just keep thinking that all I am to you right now is but dust in the wind. I just don't understand.
>>17243793
I can somehow relate to this state of melancholia. I don't realy know who you are but here is how i ussualy get better:
This headphone thing looks really anoying. Try to repair it or by another pair if you can because obviously music help a lot in this mood.
I would also advise you to try new activities: go runing with your music on, walk in your city (if you live in a city)...Try something new. (I don't know how do you feel about sport but sometimes, a litle rush of adrenalin helps)
If you are also not in the mood to go out or doesn't want to force you (or other things, like a bad weather) get comfy at your place. Do you live alone? maybe ask your close ones some idees of experiences, or if you live by yourself, keep you bussy (do not stay in your bed!).
Try cooking, that can be a lot of fun.
Try to dicover new way of entertainement. You like videogames? try another one. You like movies and series? Find some that might intrest you. Pick a book or a movie that you never read (Terry Pratchett's books are a lot of fun)
Try to dicover new musics (i would recomend the website 8tracks)...
Most importantly: try to learn something everyday.
Learn new things about the tnings you like. We have the entire Internet to look on, the only difficulty is where to search. Their are numerous websites or Youtube chennels that are dedicated to teach things like History, PopCulture evolution, History, Psychology in a fun and easy way. Check that out.
The idee would be that before sleeping you could say to yourself "today i did that and learn that". It doesn't need to be important.
It's not mandatory to take pills or drugs. Try to impove your state by yourself. It's very likely that you will feel that way in the future, as long asyou feel it doesn't ruin your life, try to find peace in those tie of melancholia...
...And sometimes, all you need is a warm tea, a blanket and new book.
I wish you good luck and hope some of those advises coul help.
I don't get it, do I not deserve happiness? Like come on how come everyone can be happy but me, I have been a good person for the most part and yet life treats me like shit God dam what the fuck fuck you life, it's just not fair, what did I do to deserve this seriously fuck u, how come I'm treated like this....
>>17237875
Get a new job before you quit the old one.
I left my shit job, and am happy where I am now.
>>17244022
Mate, life is unfair, just don't let it get to you. Be a nice guy, yet remain assertive.
I know exactly what you mean man. I used to be the nicest guy to everyone, only to be taken advantage of. Don't get trampled by cunts.
>>17240058
Dude! the point is not to "man up" goddamit! Don't let this kind of social jugements bring you down. And most importnt: do not bring you down by yourself!
Those anxity of yours comes from something. Something you are, you feel or surround you.
Try to find out where it comes from and why, by introspection.
(i would say that getting a place of your own with a good and trusworthy freind is a good thing but try to move once you have a financial income maybe)
I could not blame you to feel stressed in public. And you are right it might be hard at work, especially if you work with people. Just keep in mind that they are not a threat. They are not juging you and most of them are not even paying that much attention. Their is of cours asholes in the bunch but most of the people you will cross on a daily basic, like clients, are not threats to you. Your coworkers neither. You are not forced to be freind with all of them but even if some are obnoxious, remeber you are in the same boat.
Good luck man. And keep in mind that you are only a "pussy faggot" if you define youself like that. You are strugling with heavy stuff and that makes you more than that. Keep on the fight
You feel like home.
>>17240977
Welcome buddy to the club of the desilusioned.
Yeah, this world is tought and we are just tiny individuals with a ridiculous lifespawn in a big big big Univers that keeps on moving regardless of what we do...
BUT! Cheer up!
A life isn't a destination to reach. A life is the path. You and I , and everyone are alive, strugling in their own ways, unsure of what we do.
Yeah no on can realy change The World. But by keeping your fight on, you are changing YOUR world: the pepole arround you, the things arround you... And that's all that matter.
You won't reach the life you longed for. But your path will continu, adapte, change, evolve. You will always make new discoveries, new experiences. And that's living.
You will do great things. At the scale of the Univers, nothing is really relevent. But at your scale, those choices and those actions mean everithing.
Keep it on buddy. You havn't been defeating.
>>17240977
Welcome buddy to the club of the desilusioned.
Yeah, this world is tought and we are just tiny individuals with a ridiculous lifespawn in a big big big Univers that keeps on moving regardless of what we do...
BUT! Cheer up!
A life isn't a destination to reach. A life is the path. You and I , and everyone are alive, strugling in their own ways, unsure of what we do.
Yeah no on can realy change The World. But by keeping your fight on, you are changing YOUR world: the pepole arround you, the things arround you... And that's all that matter.
You won't reach the life you longed for. But your path will continu, adapte, change, evolve. You will always make new discoveries, new experiences. And that's living.
You will do great things. At the scale of the Univers, nothing is really relevent. But at your scale, those choices and those actions mean everithing.
Keep it on buddy. You havn't been defeating.
I don't know how to deal with all my emotions right now. especially anger. ex broke up with me several months ago after 6 years together. i feel shit. feel trapped, feel helpless. when i get angry i get so much energy, but i have nothing productive to put it into. when i exercise it detracts from it. I'm kind of at a lose besides laying in bed, watching something, or just sleeping, which seems like it just waste a lot of time that i don't want to.
I give up. I'm not looking elsewhere, but I have no hope left for "us" so I refuse to entertain such a thought. Goodbye. I'll let this be another time where the saying "the past stays in the past" stays true.
>>17242805
Initials?
I'm insecure as fuck,i'm 18 and i'm lost,i don't know that to do with my life,i know this is typical cliche shit but it isn't as easy as it looks on tv,i'm insecure about everything,my looks,i think i'm too stupid to learn or accomplish anything,i'm constantly worried about disappointing my single parent,poor,i'd go live in the fucking woods if it wasn't for my father who would probably kill himself if i left. This is probably the typical puberty problems but fuck it,felt good writing this
When you wake up, tell the person who has a crush on you how much they mean to you, and be happy with them. Today is the last day I'll have ever acknowledged you. Goodbye. Be happy and smile, I'm done.
Morning guys.
Fell for a girl who is moving on Tuesday. We had a fun-night-stand type of deal, had a great time. Couldn't sleep so I got drunk, popped a caffeine pill, worked out and wrote. It's been a busy day.
i don't know what to feel.
yesterday my girlfriend went to a party and knew some really cool and interesting people. i'm not afraid of being cheated, i'm more jealous, since she has a lot of people in her life, but she is basically one of the very few in mine. i also feel horribly egoistic for feeling this way, but i don't know what to do.
why must everything be so complicated for me?
>>17244221
don't feel like "it's cliche" or it's a "typical puberty problem". I'm really similar to you, and i can understand what you wrote, or at least i think.
i usually deal with those things by not thinking about them, by reading, listening to music, watch movies, going for walks and all that stuff.
if you are feeling lost, i know it sounds stupid, but just do what you want, just be sure to not destroy yourself.
i'm sorry if this sounds incredibly generic and unhelpful but i'm not capable of doing any better. hope you feel well soon.
Remember in middle school, how you used to write our initials in a heart on your notebooks? I do. Remember all them times you told me, "let's get married." but we were too young? I do. Remember all them times you used to sing random love songs to me? I do. Remember the first time you told me you loved me? I will never forget.
We lost touch, but somehow we always ended up right back with each other, you told me it had to be fate. You told me I should've married you. You still sang them songs. You still loved me, you took me in when my heart was empty. Or so I thought.
Of course, we lost touch again. I never once thought it would be the last time. Every now and then I would look you up, see how life is for you. I always tried to reach out but it never lasted very long, we grew up. We tried, several times. I was too young, too busy with life. I didn't care.
I made the mistake of looking you up recently. I sent you a message a month ago trying to reach out, trying to fight for your attention again. It didn't work. So when I looked you up a week ago I understood why.
Please don't forget me. Please don't sing them the same songs. I still hear them once in awhile and it automatically makes me wonder of you. I'm not bitter, I had several chances. I just want you to know, I'm proud of you and I congratulate you.
I won't look again because I know what comes next.
I loved you then, I love you now, and I will forever have part of you in my heart.
>>17237378
been hanging out with a girl a lot
we've been friends a while but never hung out until just recently
she's kinda cute and pretty cool and I know she's in to me but i'm afraid to let it be a thing, because I'm afraid of "settling" so to speak- That someone better is out there for both of us.
And I feel like a piece of shit for even thinking this, and I'm almost afraid it's almost entirely because she isn't SUPER attractive, just kinda cute. I'm a tool, basically
Do you know why bariatric surgery works?
It's not because it makes the stomach smaller.
It's because you're surgically removing a massive amount of neurotransmitters.
Reading isn't just for facebook and 4chan.
I don't get why people can't just be happy like me. There are people I know who have perfectly comfortable lives who bitch and moan incessantly, and always have something to feel upset about. No, I don't feel empathy for you because of your fee-fees.
Thanks man,at least someone read my post,how do you go about discovering yourself and what to do in life?
>>17244266
Thanks man,at least someone read my post,how do you go about discovering yourself and what to do in life?
>>17244402
>>17244404
de nada.
i don't really know, i guess you should just follow your dreams, even if sounds really cliche.
i love music of all kinds, so i'm taking bass lessons, and next year i'm going to study psychology at university, since it's a thing i find incredibly interesting.
there isn't a method, just do what you love, i guess
1. My mother stopped loving me around age 11, coinciding with me no longer being a cute little kid. I was just another mouth to feed. She's treated me like shit ever since. Now she has lung cancer and for all I know, could be dead in a year and it dawned on me a while back that even if she lives, we'll likely never have the relationship I always wished we could have had. She pushes people away and I think I've learned to do the same just by being her son.
2. My left foot has a ruptured plantar plate; my right hip feels like it's popping out; I have a varicocele; I herniated my stomach while exercising and have to take proton pump inhibitors for life; I have carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrists. I'm flat footed and bow legged. I'm near sighted. My skin burns to the point of peeling off if I spend even one hour in the sun without sunscreen with an SPF of 70 or more. My hair went gray at a young age (I've been dying it since 12) and it's started thinning out around the crown of my head. I use minoxidil on it which in turn dries my scalp out to the point where it gets crusty and scabby.
3. I have depression and ADHD and can't get prescriptions filled since I have some fucked up bureaucratic issue with my insurance company; it's a lot like not having insurance at all.
I could go on but that will do for now.
>>17243885
that's rough man. protip, from the way you're talking, and how it sounds like it hit you, you're probably in the shock and denial stage of grief. get ready to be angry.
yes she'll have fun, yes you'll be forgotten, no being friends won't work, yes you've made the right call blocking yourself, no she won't be able to explain, no you won't get closure, yes that is your problem alone, yes you made the right decision, yes it's the best for her life, yes she'll end up with someone else.
any more questions? oh
yes you should do whatever you can to not focus on any of that. it is a path of your life that is shattered and though you can see a wondrous life, just there, it is a mirage. should you try to walk that path or linger you will be cut to shreds by the shattered pieces. ask me how I know.
it's gonna hurt a bit, especially if you had the misfortune to find your first actual love in highschool. such a stupid time to find anything of worth in life.
>>17242729
Not romantic, dumbass (she's taken anyway). She reached out to me, not the other way around.
And yes I suspect she didn't realize what she was getting into. Like HST said, some of us are just toads, and we are going to stay that way.
I'm waiting for orders right now, basically. Like a soldier, or a robot.
She said "let's be friends", so I'm trying to do so.
She just has to say "you know what, let's not" and i'm gone, back on my own road.
>>17242795
>Trying to be friends with someone requires patience?
When you're a goddamn schizoid, yes. There is something very wrong with me, but desperation for sex isn't it. Not everyone on 4chan is some goddamn horny neckbeard, all kinds of freaks congregate here.
>be me, like 4 or 5?
>dad major criminal
>not friend of police
>one day I got to hospital with mother
>broke collar bone who cares
>cops there seeing another patient
>I'm dumb kid, ask to play with their handcuffs
>they're nice, let me play around, no big deal
>fast forward to drive home
>mother says not to tell father about cops
>makes sense, I agree because he will go ape
>get home, forget what she said, instantly tell him, thinking he would be as excited as I was
>father flips out, beats mother, cut all her hair out with scissors really brutally
>blood everywhere, see her later with head bandaged
>just sit in lounge watching tv the whole time trying to figure out what I've done, listening to it
still hate myself for it
I've realized that I'm the most narcissistic person I know. I've also realized how much I lie to people to boost my ego. I've realized that the people I look down on the most have same features as I do.
>>17244019
Thank you, I appreciate your advice.
>>17244635
God damn man. You should kill your father. I fucking hate that attitude so much, I grew up around too much of that shit
>hurr I'm an unrepentant piece of shit and I have no desire to change, f-fuck the police and ANYONE who ever expresses an honest opinion about my behavior!
>>17244400
it's called being egocentric
you know that problem children have but eventually get over?
maybe you should give your caretakers a good smack for raising such a CUNT. you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground.
>>17237400
Short answer: yes
>>17244685
Yes you are
Help.
I've been trying to be better but everything bores me. It seems like a never ending cycle. I know that if I say I tried everything that would be an exaggeration, but I tried everything that should excites me and I don't feel the same.
It's like I'm just a debris floating in space. I can't feel anything and I can't remember the last time I have a good laugh. What is wrong with me?
If help didn't help.. Self, please help me. I don't know what to do anymore and I certainly don't want to be in this state for the rest of my life.
Why is it so easy to be negative and do nothing with my life?
And it seems so hard to do anything?
Why is it so boring to sit around all day and do nothing yet thats all I do?
I want a new fucking life.
>>17244847
This can be caused by a variety of conditions (mental and physical).
You should probably see a doctor.
Don't put it off too long. Anhedonia almost inevitably leads to depression, because enjoyment/pleasure is central to maintaining a positive mood.
I regularly shopped at a store.
I tried to get a job at said store.
I failed the interview somehow.
And now I resent the store, and am trying very hard not to go back to it.
I'm madly in fucking love with you
Oh but we were friends
Yea
Yea
I'm going out of my mind
I'm in love with you
I know that I have some form of autism and it is so bad that I am having difficulty functioning as an adult at 21. I feel stuck at 15 years old, maybe because I never got to do anything anyone else did (hang out with friends, party, graduation, prom, dances, dates). I try really hard to talk to people and send out a dozen applications a day but I feel like I'm failing. Fuck, my last job interview was a mock interview and I had a panic attack in the middle of it (professor and 3 other girls) and cried/hyperventilated and had to skip one question and answered the other 3, getting a crappy grade. Remembering their looks of pity just make me feel this huge ball of despair in my stomach for my future professionally/socially. I feel almost like I'm getting worse, simple social interactions are like torture, but I feel like I'm not "autistic enough" to get the label/accommodation- not that I know what it would help with anyways. I just wish I could be someone else instead of being so fucking useless at everything
i would like to smell an athletic woman's ass
I helped someone with something they wanted some months ago. It wasn't like I was the only one, it was a joint effort between myself and my ex, to give them something they asked for. Nothing major or anything, and it's not like I expected gratitude. Except now I can't really stand being around him just because he accused me of something literally no one else has ever accused me of. It wasn't a big deal at first, since I just denied the accusation, as I have absolutely no idea how to do it, nor has there ever been a point where I could. In fact, I think my ex even denied it when I wasn't aware the same person had accused me months ago. But now it just makes me feel unpleasant in their company since to other people that wouldn't know me compared to how well they know this person, I'd be the "villain" just denying it.
It's really tedious being the villain, but it's just as tedious to deal with multiple people acting awkward because of him being wrong. I'm tempted to go back to my old habits of doing everything alone again and cutting ties with the whole group just because it feels like more effort to deal with them acting awkward. It's not "easy" to prove my innocent either, when the accusation is literally a result of them saying "it was either you or someone with a similar name." There's just no real reason I can see to stick around with them acting awkward, or put in the effort to proclaim some innocence when I shouldn't need to. If I cut ties completely, I'd put in less effort all around
>>17237378
The good die young.
The cost of a pound meal has gone upto a £1.50. Fucking yuppies and hipsters are starting to price me out of everything.
>>17242822
Does anyone know how I can move past this?
I feel that I'm unable to maintain friendships or any kind of relationships, online and offline, feeling disconnected all the time. I've got one friend I always keep contact with, but he keeps it as well. He doesn't require an "emotional answer", I'd say, and it never feels weird to contact with him. Never ever had a female friend. We've been acquainted for 7 years. In other cases, it would rather looks odd, if I tried to contact with other people. Everything just doesn't work, any interaction is not natural, and this is not an anxiety or sociophobia, however I was told that I seek solitude and I'm not even aware of that. If something happens, I don't feel anything. Excitement, acceptance, rejection. Indifference. And if something goes really well, relationship exhausts and devours itself a week after. No "click". I'm not telling about romantic kind of relationships. Any kind of relationships which require commitment. And that feels bizarre, too.
And how good it is to slip into your fantasy, I just think about random edgy crap, then how did an hour pass by? Was I really dreaming all the time?
>>17245298
If you're not 25+ then join a club that is populated by losers. If you are 25+, then you are fucked, and will remain a manchild like me.
It will sound so edgy, but ever since yesterday I need to type it out somewhere.
Since traumatic memories, a voice has joined along me in my head. We often speak with eachother. Sometimes it's mean and angry and won't allow me to sleep, but that's fine, I deserve it.
But recently, Im kind of.. getting possesed by it.
Yesterday, I literally couldn't move myself. The voice completely took control over my body. Twisting my arms in weird ways, and shouting things like ''Who aaaam I? Who aaaare youuu? Where aaam I?'' And, Im not sure, but either the voice laughed hysterically, or it was me because of the fear.
I rarely go out, but will accompany people for 5 days without abillity to shut myself away in some months.
I'm afraid the voice will take over there too. It dislikes people. Might hurt them. We fit good together due to our interest and thrill in seeing cut up bodies.
It has started to hurt me. Started to bash my head in walls.
We came to an agreement that if i only hurt my body by not eating, It would let my mind be.
I guess that'll do for now.
No need to reply to this. I just needed to get it out, to grasp a bit of what happened. I'm sorry... It sounds like a teen trying to be le edgy schizo. I dont hallucinate. That's not it.
>>17245205
oh shit now i do too
i'm not even a man
i'm not even athletic
im afraid that I'm always going to be alone. I'm temperamental and overly emotional as a man and that gets me nowhere with women. I'm scared that I'll always be the one left behind while other guys do whatever they want.
I'm scared of getting mad, so I bottle it up. Each time I do I feel worse inside. I just don't know how to express myself and my needs. It seems like I've always had to submit to others so I don't know how to get what I want.
I live in my head. I'm in love with my coworker who's banging my other coworker. I still believe she'll come to me, but of course it will never happen. I want to kiss her, hold her, squeeze her, everything. I want to show her love. I can't just move on, I'm deep in the friend zone but enraptured. I wish I could be her love. I guess I can't. I look at her picture on Facebook and realize how cute she is. I'll talk to her and wish she'd talk to me longer.
I know it's pathetic.
>>17245278
You've got to get over your hang ups about yourself. Constantly comparing yourself to others is a delusion. You don't know what other people suffer from.
>>17245159
Well, if it makes you feel any better I was the same for a long time. It's going to take a couple of years to get on your feet but I swear once you do life is going to rock. Just keep going man you'll find your tribe.
>>17245134
If you love her, say something. If you can't, you're not in love with her. You're in love with the idea of her.
Think of it this way. If you never take a risk for the one you love though admitting it, what makes you think you'll take the risk of protecting her? If you don't have enough balls to say how you feel, don't complain that you're just her friend, because you are the one who decided she isn't worth risking your feelings for.
You must be honest with women, no matter what. Or you will suffer for the rest of your life never having shown a girl possibly the best thing she could have in her life.
I am so stuck in this shitty on/off relationship, I've been completely done so many times, blocked on everything, said my goodbyes, been at peace with it, given his stuff back, but SOMEHOW I always fall back into it, fuck I hate this
>>17237378
This is my first time here.
Wew lad.
>>17245402
I'm a woman
The work has to be made. I have been postponing it until 8 days are left now.
I have skills needed to accomplish such task. I have been lacking will to force myself to do it until now. This have to stop or I just wasted ~one year of my life.
8 days are plenty of time to meet the deadline, the results will probably be shitty, but still above minimum.
Dear /adv/ I don't have to ask you what to do, because I already know the answer. The only reason why I have such bad time fighting one of my demons (procrastination) is because my subconscion is telling me I don't need to complete this for any big reason.
I have place to live, money, jobs are all around avaiable around even if I fail this, already in job and I enjoy what I do. The only one wjo would pester me to finish would be my mom; if she was still alive.
So here am I, lone 24 guy with 99% education done, wondering if writing this "testimony" will somehow convince me to finish the last two steps. How hard can it be? It is easy. I have done stuff like this multiple times before. It isn't hard, all it takes is some thinking and time. It is more like testing student's patience.
So I beg myself, my tommorow self: don't hesitate, just DO IT. Chances it is already too late or that the supervisor will sink this is high, but still PASSABLE.
If I don't finish this up, how would I force myself to ever do anything? Getting better job, getting nice gf? Getting my kids to fucking do anything when I just lay around waiting for dedline to fail?
So yea, wish me luck anons to not starting falling into hole of NEET. With a bit of discipline I will visit /adv/ in a week or so to read sad stories and give shitty advices to strangers again.
Even if I fail, I just need to try. I have all the means, I don't care about final grade anymore. I just need to pass.
And I will. I will fucking DO it. Maybe if I force this resolution into my brain, it will work. It has to. Who wants to be Bc when you can be Ing while so CLOSE?
I'll do it
Due to multiple failures and a shitty life situation I've now lost the ability to convince myself to do anything to better my life. I'm just going with the flow and trying to avoid death or homelessness. I no longer have any goals or dreams, the few I had have been shot down. I got jumped and mugged last night and I now realize it doesn't matter whether I am a good or bad person, life is random and indifferent when dealings it's cards.
I don't want to live and I don't want to die. Everyone seems like they are going places and are excited to be alive and I'm just sortve here. I'm just so tired.
I'll keep putting on the mask and I'll just slave away and go with the motions so at least my girlfriend can be happy. She is so loving and caring and she deserves the best. There are better men than me out there but she chose me for some reason, so I could at the very least be worth her while instead of just rotting away in my room like I want to.
All your posts seem like you people are so full of passion and I envy you. Something died inside and I don't even remember what it's like to truly desire something.
>>17245485
Initials? Then just tell them you love them. Or talk to them somehow. You might lose your chance.
If you tell them it's a yes or no answer. If you don't then it's only a no.
I'll always love you too
i'm waiting for the right time.
maybe you'll be available by then.. maybe you won't. leave it up to fate. don't let your heart go to waste. i'd wait for you
>>17244167
Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm sure you're not the person I was writing about. They're RO, though.
>>17245572
Then I'll wait until that time comes, my heart aches for you and it only gets harder as the nights pass. I miss you so very much.
I'm floating on a sea of tears
Pain and reminiscing
What we have is unmatchable anywhere
I need you
I'm so happy to be togethera
Be with me, at peace
You set me free
Fuck /adv/ i need help, this chick i talked to few months ago and went out with a couple times told me she wasnt ready for srs relationship bla bla and i havent talked to her since, also back when we were talking she followed me on IG , yesterday she liked a picture i posted and hasnt done that ever since we stopped talking and shit i dont know why she did that but i think about her since then because i never stopped liking her and check out her profile frequently. What did she mean by this? I dont wanna lose any more time and nerves for this girl so tell me what the fuck is she doing? Was it a random like? Should i just unfollow her delete her contact info? Im just losing time and feel like a weakling be cause she makes me feel this way
Sex is still such an alien concept for me... I believe I have what they call 'performance anxiety'.
I'm a virgin loser and my friends cute as fuck weed dealer recently attempted to have sex with me when we were wasted. she felt so warm and had such a nice taste to her. She's always so nice to me when I see her. I kinda want to be the one to scratch her sexual itch just for her kindness
so many things get in the way of me building courage to kill myself.
Hey, if you're waiting on me, please don't.
I know you think I'm suffering, and I know you think I'm not happy, but that isn't the whole story. Perhaps this isn't where my heart finds it's home, but I can't leave until I've resolved these conflicts. I like you, a lot, however that's also why I can never let you be with me. I'm sorry, but that's my decision.
Be happy, smile, and get yourself to a better place.
>>17245626
initials?
I'm a faggot who looks straight and if I came out or got a boyfriend my family would probably hate me but with how few friends I have I don't really have to worry about that
Been working out. Just showered, shaved torso, manscaped, etc.
Looked in the mirror and thought
>damn, i look good in a towel now
>reminds me of those girls who want to talk to me
>maybe i should stop brushing them off
>would be kind of nice to be like James Bond
>be great at sex, please hundreds of women
>but there just isn't enough time in the day for that shit
>can't just be out banging girls every night
>when would I draw?
>besides, i don't like most women enough to have sex with them anyway
>wait what, that makes it sound like i'd be doing them a favor or something
>anyway, the girls you do like enough are sweet and innocent
>they shouldn't be talking to you anyway
>wait why, i'm a shy nerd who treats women with the utmost respect
>yeah yeah, we both know how much you overcompensate, save it
These "inner dialogues" with my subconscious are usually disturbing but often helpful, since they remind me who i really am: a sort of construct made of a gigantic set of abstractions, defense mechanisms, and simulacrums on top of a huge shield, covering a dark, powerful core used for energy but denied release.
The meek, overly-nice, submissive, autistic, socially-awkward nerd is just the persona I've chosen to adopt, the way I've decided to interact with the world. I know it's probably because i've aggregated all the traits that scare me as little as possible into one pathetic personality. But it's nice. It robs the core of any real possibilities to exert its will, and at the same time puts me more at ease in social situations.
I'm a classic, textbook schizoid. Alienated from everybody since i'm even alienated from myself.
>"health insurance smealth insmurance, i'll be just fine"
>ends up needing a serious surgery
>gets racked up with hospital bills up the ass
>"wow america sucks lol"
>"hey can you guys pay my bills instead lol thanks"
Enjoy your free debt, you stupid fuck. You should be thankful someone paid their way through medical school and had the training to properly save your life so you can go back to playing video games and get drunk every weekend and being an overall wasteful piece of shit. You should be thankful that they took you in at all even though your broke ass wasn't worth it.
But no, you're going to play the immature route and blame the very folks who actually worked hard all their lives just to be able to keep you from dying a very slow and excruciatingly painful death. Fuck you.
Do you think I feel good about going through all this college work to try to get into the medical field when there are patients like you who aren't even appreciative of the fact we aren't in the stone ages anymore? Do you really think it makes anyone in this field feel good knowing that people like you just feel obligated to our services like we're supposed to be free slaves for you?
I hate you so much.
......No, that's a lie. I only "hate" you for the fact I care way too much about you and I'm even considering paying part of your bill even though you know nothing about me or will ever care about me. Even if I paid off most of your entire bill you wouldn't think anything of me, and I'm stupid to think I could ever buy your love or attention.
I'm upset you got here through your stupidity but even more upset that I can't help you in a way that wouldn't either condone of your poor decisions or let you continue to just pretend that the people that pay for your living expenses don't matter enough for you to see them individually as peers.
>Tl;dr
I wish you weren't acting so childish and just accept the reality that you are where you are now because you made a poor decision.
