You can tell us, anon. We're here to listen.
Last thread: >>17217817
Repostan because hey, why not. I'm not the happiest guy in the world but I am fairly content. I just got some hangups I want to get over.
I -REALLY- want to hook up with a hung guy and I'm trawling things like planetromeo but I'm so afraid of STDs and getting found out and anxiety in general that I can't dredge up the balls to go for it.
I've done it before but it was like 16 years ago when I was 14. I absolutely loved it, I even turned down the guy's offer to blow me because I was having so much fun sucking his massive cock. Just thinking about the possibility of having something like that again, possibly on call, is making me diamonds.
How do I conquer this crippling fear aside from the usual "JUST DO IT!" ? I need a strong logical argument that wrecks my fears.
It's much easier said than done to stop loving someone who doesn't love you.
"Don't waste your effort on someone who doesn't appreciate it," they all say. And I know I should stop caring so much, but it's so goddamn difficult. Every time I think I'm over it, it always comes back.
I'm waiting for you to come talk to me.
>>17227983
(continued)
It'd be easier if you were in a relationship, but the fact that you're not keeps me wondering "what if".
You keep hinting at being lonely or unhappy and it kills me every time. Why won't you give me a chance? Is it just because of the distance? What if I closed the distance? Or are you after someone else?
I just hope you appreciate what I do for you. I don't even care if we date. I just hate to see you down like this. As long as I can make you happy, I'll be happy too.
>>17227986
Pssh, bring it on.
I can out-wait you so hard.
>>17228040
Anything you can do, I can do better.
Posted in the last thread but still.
Twice in the past week friends of mine asked how it's going with the girl who I asked out, and has yet to respond. (I know she won't at this point)
This does not help in trying to get past my feelings for her. Though I still want to preserve/salvage our friendship (We have not spoken since I tried asking her out)
Also, it does not help that my only dreams are of her. But they are not in a romantic context. (I really don't dream much)
>I was looking for a job, and I remembered where she worked, so I applied there.
>Got hired, and was put on her "team."
>We were BSing in the employers van as we drove to what I think was a job site.
>I was sitting in the back, sitting next to someone who looked similar to her.
>But the girl I am interested in was driving.
>As we were talking the car in front suddenly changed lanes
>We ended up slamming into the rear of another car at like 40mph.
>Dunno what happened after, woke up at this point.
She does not actually work at the place she did in the dream. I don't really know why I had that dream, or what it means.
The last dream I had of her was like 3 weeks ago. It is as follows
>I was back at my old High School, hanging out with some friends,
>The Girl was with her friends at another table.
>Soon she and her group leaves to go somewhere.
>I get up soon after, to go and do some stuff
>I run into her in the hall a minute or so after, and we begin talking
>We then walk to my old math room where her friends are, and we continue talking
>One of us brings up the idea of hanging out sometime soon.
>I don't know where it went from here, as that's when I woke up.
(Music was playing in the background while I was in my math room. Stutter by Elastica, but I was listening to that when I woke up.)
M.,
If you are by some chance reading this, please text me.
D.
>>17228054
Ohohoho, a challenge is it?
You're on. I'll never talk to you again.
I'll be so damn patient that patient people will see me and they'll be like, "Shit, that guy is patient as fuck!" but I won't respond because I'm too busy being patient.
People will see me, and begin to use my patience as an expression since I'll be the most extreme example of patience ever known to man.
You don't even stand a chance. =_=
Dear women
I really want to gut you all and hear you scream and cry in pain.
>>17227986
>>17228040
>>17228054
>>17228196
lol i'm dying
I really enjoy the [s4s] board and I wish I had more friends with that sort of sense of humor.
I'm sick of people. I want to forget everyone i've met during the last three years. And most of the ones i met before that.
Pissed off because my contract to join the U.S. Army got cancelled due to injuring my foot (achilles tendinitis).
I worked my ass off for over a year to get ready to leave, even graduated highschool early and today I just signed my papers for me to get out.
They also told me if I ever come back to try to sign up they won't give me the MOS I want they will just throw me at whatever will get me out the fastest.
I don't know what to do about this since I've wanted in since I was a little kid and now these asshats are taking my options away from me.
Should I just tell them to go fuck themselves and join a different branch?
Or should I just quit out completely and live as a civilian?
I seriously hate doctors. Not all doctors. Just the ones who are condescending, rude, and lie by omission. I wish I could let their shitty ways slide, but a lot of times I find myself talking back to them. This is met with more condescension and rudeness. I get annoyed, angry and hurt when my family takes their side too. In their eyes, I should just shut up and let them do whatever they want. I'm tired of hearing family, friends and strangers tell me that doctors and nurses can do no wrong. They're people too goddamnit. That's like saying a waitress or cook can never get an order wrong. I hate my child's physician and how she compared babies to dogs. I hate how rude she was for no reason. I hate how she tried to make me feel bad for not circumsizing my son. I wish all those rude ass doctors would get bent.
>>17228279
Why, man?????
>>17228304
Good.
>suffering from clinical depression plus social anxiety
>tried to kill myself about 6 or 7 times
>recent attempt with sleeping pills affected the way my heart beats
>can't do some of the stuff I was able to before
>too much excitement would probably cause a heart attack
>also like 291lbs and like 5'4
>failing classes cause I'm a goddamn shell of a human
>constantly wanting to die, like I almost jumped in front of a speeding truck in front of my school.
I've called suicide hotlines, I talk to my therapist frequently, started opening up to friends and family but they just think its for attention.
I just so fucking tired of the same, neverending circle of bullshit
>>17228279
Women want to do this to other women as well.
>>17228341
Your friends and family don't know how to deal with that. I wouldn't.
Im trying to make this suicide look like an accident.
Don't do it
>>17228352
If i died in an accident, people would probably think i did it on purpose.
>>17228367
Thats why you pretend, I've been faking it for a year now and when I die no one will suspect a thing
>be me
>had fwb who was married with kids
>told me she was in divorce process and her husband was mean and would hit her
>sort of developed feelings for her, wouldn't have messed around with her if I didn't know about how she was treated
>realize she may have not much cared for me as a few other things unfold
>she had a batshit crazy family member but thats another story
>fast forward
>realize I kind of missed her in a weird way
>a few women who claim to be married and shit were fucking with me at work
>suspect they may know
>tfw realize women are just cruel in nature
>tfw forever alone
>tfw I'm an accessory to adultery and can't undo it
I'm so fucking tired. Tired of everything. Tired.
It's been 10 years since the first time i wanted to kill myself.
Nothing has gotten better, only worse and worse.
I've slowly lost more and more pieces of me, my personality, everything.
Now I'm nothing but a broken robot.
I keep going because i can't kill myself, that would be shirking my duty.
But I don't have any other reason to live.
I don't want anything in life, anything at all. I just want to rest.
But sleep doesn't help. The drugs don't help either, anymore.
Doesn't matter how much amphetamine i take. Still tired.
The other drugs didn't help at all. The doctors tried all they could think of.
Then i switched to other doctors, and they tried even more.
Eventually ran out of ideas and doctors. I am broken. Permanently, it seems.
All the king's horses and all the king's men can't put me back together again.
I just want to die. So goddamn badly. Like a man dying of thirst wants water.
But I can't do it myself, I have to do my duty.
I try constantly, try so fucking hard to be "normal", to work, even to be social.
Study constantly, work out like a maniac, i start all these threads (the letters too), etc.
I try to be a good robot, like Data or C-3P0. That's the least i can do, right?
But sometimes, in the middle of the night, like now, at 4 AM, I feel things.
Not good things.
I wish someone would just kill me. It'd be a mercy killing: i'm not really living. Just dying slowly.
Just want someone to end it, so i can finally rest.
Maybe things will be better on the other side.
This conversation has been eating at me for days. All I can think of is "does this conversation mean that she only thinks of me as a friend?"
I forgot the picture.
>>17228320
>not circumsizing my son
One behalf of your son, thank you
I'm working at my dream job currently but I can't get a full time contract :/ something I really need!
But it's my dream job! I can't leave!
>>17228477
Where do you work?
>>17227944
Even as a young boy Ive had strong sexual desire for my aunt.
>>17228508
You're not alone. No, but really. How about girls and uncles?
>>17227944
I'm a Youtuber. I'm rich. My life is basically solved at this point. I'm being invited to numerous interviews and, more importantly, I'm being invited to participate in numerous paid projects. Sometimes I can't believe how much I can charge companies for the simplest things...
My books are huge commercial successes. Not only that: I know for a fact there are people planning to make a tv project out of one of them.
I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm simply not. And despite the fact that I worked hard for all this, I still know I'm LUCKY and therefore I'm thankful. But I don't feel happy... and I feel like shit for it. What? What else am I expecting from life at this point? I just don't understand myself. I'm disappointed.
>>17228554
You could be poor and unhappy knowing the only way out is selling my soul for 8 years to the millitary.
>>17228321
I have a good looking face but my skills with women are so poor that I make them run away. At this point I'd rather have them ignore me completely and I'd have more chance just kidnapping one.
>>17228554
You sound like you need a blowjob.
hey >>17228579, >>17228554 here
I'm very sorry to hear that. Makes me reflex harder on my own situation and finally realize for a fact how fortunate I am. I hope the best for you. Take care.
I honestly hate myself right now. I wanted to get over my stupid lack of self-confidence when it came to trying to spark something with a guy but I just can't find the strength. I had an opportunity to get somewhere with a guy today but I chickened out and watched him leave with the words I wanted to say hanging on my lips still. I have no fear of public speaking or speaking to strangers, but if I find a guy even somewhat attractive, my ability to talk to him just disappears. I'm too afraid to ask this guy for his number and I'm scared I never will. Fuck my fucking life.
I also hate how my life seems so damn purposeless now. Every hour and day feels meaningless and more and more like hell. I just want to drink cough syrup until I sleep forever.
>>17228600
Just ask him.
i feel so inferior to those around me
poorfag lesseducatedfag in ivy league
I really want to suck a dick but dont want to ask anyone I know because it would be really fucking awkward. Im currently looking into getting a dildo to gag myself on just to see if I would like it or not.
I spend so much time at the pc trying to git gud at computer stuff to get a job and just get marginal results because I spend the day shitposting on this shithole.
But still most of my life is computer stuff (unix, programming, networks, etc) so that it takes about 40% of my conscious thoughts. Another 20% is internet stuff from these boards. And I cannot hold an interest for other stuff anymore like I used to do with math and astronomy and literature and other hobbies.
This is fucking unhealthy
yet I don't think I can get out of this loop and if I do I will have effectively wasted a lot of time in resources in learning something not to put it to use.
I also don't know if I'm knowledgeable enough to be elligible for a job. So here I am, with my mind constantly on computers but probably not good enough at them. I actually suck at it.
>>17228594
Yea I didnt want to try and one-up on "who has it worse", and we all get fucked up over different shit, money may nog buy happiness but it buys things that can make you happy.
If I'm lucky I wont get my legs blown off and can use the GI bill to go to school and get a degree in something where I can live a lower-middle class life as apposed to my just poverty life now.
>>17228606
I want to but I'm scared that he thinks I'm a loser and that he only talks to me cause he's trying to be nice. I feel so beta and shitty and I honestly wish I was white and not asian fkakiaiwjnnzjkak
....You're right though, I have to get over myself.
>>17228452
Probably. Get some balls and maybe you'll find out for sure.
>>17228733
Why would I put my shitty expectations upon another person and then keep her from playing the game we all play in which she is one of the better players?
>try to ensure 90% of the things I say are truthful and as accurate as memory serves
>very rarely fib or lie and when I do it's for little mundane shit like a bs reason to not stay late for work or something like a slight exaggeration
>value my integrity
>realize how many people lie through their teeth
>slowly began disliking pathological and compulsive liars more and more each day
>want to into military
>realize I may have to learn how to lie
I'm really physically attracted to a girl at uni and our personalities mesh perfectly. We're very close friends already and even if she's not interested in me that way, I'm confident that even if I told her how I felt or asked her out and she said no it wouldn't make things awkward between us.
What's stopping me is that she got out of a relationship a little while ago and it's still eating away at her. I feel like it would be putting a lot of pressure on her to ask her out as it stands, and that if we were dating she would still be haunted by it.
Also she's kind of an untrusting person and prone to severe anxiety attacks if she doesn't take her medicine. These anxiety attacks were what lead to her previous breakup, not because the boy got pissed (he was actually really willing to help her), but because she felt bad putting him through that and felt like she was just a burden on him.
I just don't know if it's a good idea. It wouldn't exactly be sticking my dick in crazy, but it would probably have the same result. But I really do care about her well-being (and I try to make this clear, she hopefully knows that I'm always there for gee) and I really do like her, and thinking about her and the possibilities gnaws at me. I just don't know what to do. I get a sense like, right now she just needs me to be a friend. And trying to force myself closer would be selfish somehow.
She doesn't care anymore
I have a bf but I crave women all the time. I don't want them enough to end my relationship over, but I want them enough that it bothers me a lot. This is my first relationship, and we've been together a long time now, and while I'm happy, I can't help but wonder and desire. I'd bring it up with my bf, but I'm worried that even if he said it was ok, pursuing women on the side would somehow mess up the good thing I do have.
I don't know what to do except continue looking at cute ladies and imagining.
>>17228877
ask him about threesomes
>>17228895
I'd feel awkward if my first time with a girl were with him desu. Maybe I can approach him from that perspective, but saying I'd have to find the girl and feel things out with her alone first?
>went to a music festival Saturday by myself
>enjoying the music
>girl comes over and chats me up
>says how happy her friend is with a guy
>talks music whatever
>gives me hug
>starts talking politics at some point and asks who I support
>I say something about trump
>starts crying and tells me how I must hate people
>at end of song she leaves to her friends
She might've just been drunk but it makes me sad that I feel liked I missed an opportunity for anything really. It was really the first time I've made any connection with a girl ever. I didn't even get her name.
>>17228433
Fuck, I can relate anon. Life's just a blur of emptiness. I want off.
>>17228845
>I get a sense like, right now she just needs me to be a friend. And trying to force myself closer would be selfish somehow.
Good call.
>>17228907
You could go out on a date with a girl and ask him afterwards. Just don't cuckold him pls. Then again the best way would be to talk to him about your fantasy in plain English and most guys would agree for a ffm threesome. Negotiate.
I hate that Modern Feminism and Social Justice ruined people's perception of women.
I hate how they twist words to make you the bad guy.
I hate that a movement that was about having true equality got turned into complete shit.
I really hate how cruel other women could be if I don't agree with them.
I really hate being a woman, but there's nothing I can do about it.
I feel embarrassed being black because of the behavior a majority of black people have.
I hate how they don't want white people commenting on our issue, but feel as though that rule doesn't apply to them.
I hate being black but there's nothing I can do about it.
>>17228962
Okay anon, I'm a white male
I want to be honest with you about how I feel about black people
I really look down on black people who grow up in America and have that "swag" about them.
For some reason blacks who grew up in Africa and came to America afterwards seem like really respectable people though.
Those kinds I respect more than most white people.
Skin color isn't an issue. I also respect Indians with dark skin. I don't see them as being black at all. I more perceive them as being white.
>>17228962
Black women I tend to like regardless of where they're from unless they're a bitch
>>17228962
Be a human. Be you. Be the change you wanna see in your life.
I'm just so tired...
I fall inlove with people so easily and then am constantly anxious that they don't think of me at all. It's quite annoying and actually damaging my health.
I haven't had the best life, or been the best person, but I'm trying to make it all better.
>Best friend was bitch to me for 5 years
>Shit hits the fan with her and I become a mess
>2nd best friend sticks with me through the whole thing
>She gets a boyfriend (I didn't care, but considered her elitist standards, it was quite the surprise)
>Her relationship gradually gets worse, she makes all the effort yet the he doesn't care, he got himself a 9/10 gf, all his efforts are done
>Comes to me for counseling on what to do
>Tell him to say to him straight was is his business or cut him off
>She doesn't, shit gets worse
>A friend of her convinces her to do it
>Well, why the fuck do I even bother giving you advice then
>I become her pillow, don't care, she was mine so its cool
>She goes distant on me because now that she is single she thinks that anytime I talk to her im hitting on her
Fuck all this shit, im tired of it. And fuck femenine logic
>>17227944
when i see you, i'm going to give you the most passionate sex of your entire life.
>>17227944
I Google stalked my psychiatrist and feel embarrassed of it. I found out he's connected to a radio DJ. Now whenever I hear anything on the radio, an advertisement or song, related to something I've browsed or my life I feel ashamed, found out, like I'm being taunted. Like all my secrets have been found out and my internet search history is public. I don't even see him anymore. I know it sounds a little crazy but it's entirely plausible with current internet tracking.
I'm in a relationship but I really want to hookup with a guy one last time
I've spent the last few years convincing myself to not give a fuck about relationships and dating and all that, even though I've never been in an actual one and nobody's ever shown interest in me.
I know I'm just being a shitter with that kind of mentality but I can't help but feel like it's better than grasping onto what feels like an unreasonable hope any longer.
I love my girlfriend, I think she's the one and I want to marry her someday. But I met her just after I discovered myself, lost a lot of weight and gained a lot of confidence. I'm attractive to the opposite sex now, something I never was just a few years ago. I'm 21, my 28 year old hairdresser hit on me a few weeks ago. I've never had that kind of attention before.
Part of me just wants to have a lot of sex. A lot of no-strings-attached meaningless sex with women of all shapes and sizes, skinny ones fat ones tall ones short ones blondes brunettes redheads black women asian women older women younger women, all of them. Part of me is kind of like damn, I kind of wish I met my girlfriend later in my life, so I could explore a little bit and then settle down with her.
Am I an awful person?
>>17229354
You only think that way because you are idealized and fantasizing about the unknown.
You aren't missing much. At the risk of sounding contrived, though maybe it isn't so contrived anymore, meaningful connection to another human being is worth more than mindless rampant sex. It will feel good for a brief time and maybe even boost your confidence but it becomes like anything done in excess. You wake up someday and wish you would have eaten some carrots instead of chocolate every day because carrots wouldn't have given you STDs or ground your sensory perception to dust.
I have depression, does it count?
>>17229354
yes. if you had enough self-discipline to lose weight surely you could use some to not act like an animal in rut.
I just blocked your number and don't even feel bad about not telling you before hand.ive grown tired of your shit.
I'm a male in my 20s and I started writing shipping fanfiction based off of various movies/TV shows I like. I've always been told that I'm a good writer by teachers/professors and my work has largely been positively received online, but it is incredibly embarrassing. I haven't even told my therapist. And there really is no denying that it is masturbatory. They all involve a generally well-to-do, amicable guy and a "tough on the outside but sweet on the inside girl" who gives the guy shit but is always secretly in love with him since that's basically my ideal relationship, as weird as that might sound. Writing and seeing my work completed is great, but there is something really cathartic about receiving positive feedback. Getting an e-mail on my phone telling me someone left a positive review or something like that is a high like no other. It is truly wonderful. I've more or less accepted that I'm just not cut out to for relationships, so this is a nice alternative.
>girl at work acknowledges my existence
>can't stop thinking about her all day
Goddammit, I'm a fucking idiot. I'd ask how to stop being such a stupid faggot, but I'd probably be unable to do it, or even understand, because as I've just established, I'm a fucking idiot.
Go fuck yourself you stupid cambodian bitch supporting cunt sucker, you're both dumb bitches get a fucking job instead of pretending to be psychic mind readers with your stupid brainwash toy. Supposedly "i'm not seeing the truth" that essentially you're both attention seeking pot heads.
Fuck. Off. Stalkers.
I'm a gay, rape victim, idiot who's literally all the time depressed, with no self confidence or ego whatsoever. I try not to be egotistical or self-centered which gives me the right to be criticized by everyone around me. I like my family and friends, but none of them really understand me. I'm in love with someone who's already in love with someone else; but our relationship is so ambiguous sometimes I think we're already a couple.
I hate myself more than anyone in the world and treat everyone like they're my friends. But I'm a compulsive liar and suffer from a slight personnality disorder. I never tried to kill myself for real but i seriously consider it right now since I shut all my doors 2 weeks ago. I'm no normie or wizard but i'm as messed up as wizards sometimes even though I have no problems socializing -thanks to me being a compulsive liar-
I discovered sex when I was 6 or around that age. I got raped by someone very close to me. that continued for 4 or 5 years until he lost interest. Now i'm a closed off gay prick who can't even say the truth without giving a 20 minutes explanation because it isn't "like me".
I just want to be loved but I guess that's being too much of an asshole for someone like me, because we should only want the happiness of others.
That was probably my gayest post ever on 4chan.
I will never fall in love again.
I'm completely alone.
No friends.
I go to work and lie about spending time with friends every weekend.
I spend every moment that i am not at work alone with my own thoughts.
I used to have a lot of friends until i got in to a emotionally abusive relationship where i wasn't able to talk to anyone without my partner for 2 years.. i finally broke it off and completely disappeared from everyone and haven't been able to make a friend since.
I don't even think i am depressed or mentally unwell I am just lonely and late 20s who doesn't know how to meet new people.
>>17228449
This is me right now and to be absolutely honest I'd be OKAY with that but I think she's not even going to be that the way our conversation dies and days of silence
Man I'm just destined to be alone and it hurts more when people say how great and funny I am, if they only knew
>>17228554
John Green pls
Graduated yesterday with a Bacelor in Graphic Design. Graphic Design. What the fuck was I thinking? Might as well end it now because I don't see how I'm going to survive this world anyway.
I think I'm never coming to terms with myself and my condition
I'm 25 and I'm supposed to be over it now but I will never shake off just the dream of being normal and living a normal life. I hate people that tell me to get out more, or to get a life, what so I can look awkward at a club or meet someone and tell them no to most of the things they'll invite me to?
I can't even kill myself I want to live and dream about at least a chanxe of some life
>>17229654
What is your condition?
I fucking despise my brother. There's no nicer way to put it. Constantly berating my mother, hostile towards everyone, doesn't help around the house, nor does he have showers regularly. He's an ungrateful man child, literally stays at home all day playing Counter Strike. He has no pals, no ambitions, nothing. I did not know how much hatred I could harbor for someone.
>>17229661
Really shitty hips
I look normal enough that I can be approached and talk to people normally and that's what I do, I talk. I can get to point B from point A. I'm lucky I'm not on painkillers but that's a likely future whenever it starts to get worse.
I used to tell myself at 22 or 23 that I needed to start getting used to it but here I am still trying to make friends and I will reach that point where all my tools and bag of tricks and jokes will run out and I won't be able to do anything and they get bored
I just hate myself
If you want something, you need to say it. For me? I still want you. I'm working on how to say it, but there's no sign it'd even be reciprocated after so long.
I've always known something was wrong with me. I've tried getting help for literally half my life, at this point. I was finally diagnosed with assburgers a year ago.
It hasn't helped. Not one bit. Instead of getting assistance, I only get more shit to deal with. At least the state is going easy on me in regards to work. That's the one positive thing about this. But it sucks to have tons of official people treat you like a mentally handicapped idiot, while also not doing very much in the way of helping you. I just need some fucking guidance, the one thing I've always lacked in my life. My mother was always working, my dad is just as autistic as I am, and was just as shitty a father as he always claims grandma was a shitty mother. He's better, now, but for fuck's sake, someone should have handed the man a practice child before I was born.
So no-one ever taught me anything. I'm feeling the results of that, now. And because I'm a grown-ass man, people expect discipline and motivation from me that I simply lack. Life sucks, and I'm barely doing anything to make it not suck. I need help. Help I'm not getting, despite having sat in so many offices telling all sorts of people about my shitty life. I'm sick of it. Absolutely sick. Even the bitch I see every week, now, to provide some guidance doesn't know what she's doing. I'm sure she's a nice person, but I don't like her, I don't trust her, and she's just as chaotic as I am.
The only one I liked was the bulldyke with the military haircut. But I can't get her again. On that note, why do I always like dykes? It's insane. I always get along with dykes and bi girls. Do you have any idea how shitty it is to constantly be falling for lesbians?
>>17229772
Just say it! You know very well I still want you :)
>>17229633
Bro, buy some beer I'll come over and help you drink it. Well not really, but that's how easy it is.
I AM SO FUCKING LONELY AND BORED!
I am sick of sitting in front of the computer all day after school, seeing how I sit in front of a computer even in the school.
I got no friends, and no fucking clue what the hell I should do.
I want someone I can spend time with, god fucking dammit!
I am going insane.
What the hell can I do?
If girls did one thing for me in my life it would be making me feel worthless and violent.
I was raised by a feminist and was thought that defending myself was bad and that the world would be a better place if men didn't exist.
Now I'm a weak permavirgin who is completely demotivated and constantly laughed at by girls. The only time I feel alive is when I'm having violent thoughts and I only laugh when I see people suffer.
I keep staring at your name hoping to see you online, and talk to you for five fucking minutes. It'd make my day.
It feels really fucking bad that you just kinda shrugged off my feelings towards you. You mean the world to me but you probably don't think about me at all.
>>17229880
I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you, but there's nothing else i can do. I'm not going to lie about my feelings.
>>17229234
Women are such sluts.
>>17230146
no, not ALL women
>>17229816
I wish I could say it, but I hold myself back. I don't think he could reciprocate after so much time has passed. So much time has passed that I wouldn't even be sure how to fix it. I don't know. I'm not a smart person and I've never claimed to be one.
i feel like i did really bad on a test and i, if so, i just failed that class
im so fucking dumb
also i just got rejected for a job i applied to
I want to stop being pic related.
But it's fucking hard.
Who am I supposed to care about?
Already tried the one person i thought i could manage to care about (it's futile, she hasn't even responded to my last text. Can't force a friendship).
I know there's people that would like to get to know me, but we have jack shit in common and i don't particularly want to try to keep up any painful conversations about Buddhism or Justin Bieber.
How do I start liking people in general?
>>17229900
I would rather be hurt than not knowing
Now's around the time you sleep, right? I think so. I can't be sure since it changes all the time. I care about you. I miss you, I don't want to bother you. You seemed really sad earlier, it hurt so much to see but I didn't know what to do. I actually did speak to you earlier, maybe you didn't realize, maybe you thought it was someone else or maybe you thought it was the other person the whole time. I care about you. Please don't be sad. Please be happy. You have a big heart. You have a tender heart. You're a sweet person, an adorable person. I care.
>>17230177
Got sources to back that up m80?
>>17230268
This sounds like it could apply to me. I know it doesn't because she doesn't care, but I wish it was. I hope it works out for you guys.
>>17230277
Yeah, I leave my house.
>>17230322
What's the level requirements to start that quest?
I think my purpose in life is to first make other people happy and then I'm suppose to kill myself.
>>17230408
Same here, anon. I'm >>17228433.
I like to think of myself as a straight, heterosexual male, but every now and then I get the desire to be ravaged by a larger man. I've shoved things up my ass and came on myself numerous times but nothing has ever satisfied that urge.
Masturbating makes the urge go away, but I feel kind of unsatisfied when I fap to those feelings opposed to my normal, hetero ones.
>>17230475
Two peas in a pod.
>>17230320
I don't think it can work out how I want it to, but I appreciate the thought all the same. I'm sure someone cares about you, if you've been feeling down lately then I'm sure someone has noticed and cares. I hope my guy cheers up, maybe he will realize that I still care. Maybe, somewhere in my fantasy the two of us would be together again. At the very least, I hope he's okay, and I hope you're okay in your situation, too
>>17227963
What are you afraid of, as specifically as possible?
>>17227944
I hate bulking, I've been doing it for 6 months I hate shoveling this disgusting food down my throat
I want to fuck the mexican out of my coworker and play with her big tiddys
I have a lot of people to prove wrong
I'm a dirty fucking parasite.
All I do is get financial help from my family.
I try to work so I can become independent, but I'm worthless there too. I can't hear things people say to me, and sometimes I hear things that are not there or were not said. I'm blind as a bat making myself even more worthless.
My family keeps trying to shove me onto each other so they won't have to deal with me.
I just want to die, but I don't want my financial trouble to be pushed onto my family, since I feel like I've already done enough harm.
The only things keeping me going are wanting to see my best friend one last time and the financial thing.
I can't even format this post like I would like since it's posted through Moble, because I'm on the other side of the state from my computer, celebrating my younger sisters success.
i am a young lesbian and can't seem to find anyone. my horomones are screaming and I am rejected time and time over again. I am in a painful spot and am dangerously close to internalizing the rejection
Everything reminds me of her.
Music, People, dates. Everything...
So im just gonna tell yall my storry cuz i really dont know what the fuck to do with my self. Im a 22 years old dude who never kissed a girl. Fucked up teeth and not fit. No finished any school and just an overall dissapointment to my parents. I hear alot of people bragging about their kids achivement and than i think about my self and what i achived in my life wich is nothing. My parents are quite old too wih some medical problems so they wont be long on this planet and again me achiving nothing to be proud of me just makes me wanna kill my self. I dont know what to do or how to go on with my life i work at a shitty job that atleast pays my bills. So yh if anyone read this shitty life story thanks and hope you are doing better
I'm tired. Something is telling me I'll have the necessary courage in the near future.
I wish I wasn't so sleepy all the time
>>17230189
how much time is "so much time"?
I wanna have sex with you so bad. I wish it could happen.
My boyfriend doesn't really care about me since a couple of months, I don't know why, I know he still loves me but he's so mean and cold sometimes which he wasn't before.
>>17227944
>>17227944
I'm chronically depressed and very lonely, yet somehow wallowing in my own self pity and sadness gives me some sort of comfort.
The girl i'm in love with and whom I Thought was in love with me, is really in love with another man.
So, I'm gonna be straight here, I've never heard of 4chan in my life. A friend of mine told me about it and some of the interesting people he's met. He's said there's something for everybody on there. Told me to check it out to find the answers to my problems. Find this thread, like a sign from above. So, to do something I've never done before, I'm gonna let it all out, no holding back.
I hate living. I'm a 19, going on 20, year old living in Wisconsin, the most boring state ever. I was born from my whore of a mother who doesn't even know the father and says I'm her "miracle child" and other religious bullcrap, because apparently having a baby can stop you from killing yourself. Wish she jumped instead. Born with two brothers, all different fathers, so they don't even feel like brothers to me. Again how much of a whore my mom was. Though, I was an innocent child, so I never understood it. The older one's a successful entrepreneur working in the service and music industry, running a bar and DJing. The younger one gets the special treatment because he has aspergers, and makes the cross-country/track team. And then there's me. The neglected child. Who just wanted to escape to fantasy worlds, wishing video games and my imagination were reality. I loved to draw, to bring my imaginations to life, to at least bring reality to the fantasy. Means nothing to them. My happiness doesn't equate to being successful or being special. But my "father" of my younger brother was something different. I felt like I could share my world with him, even if it was absolutely crazy. Until his smoking got to him and took him away from me in a car accident. No matter how much I begged, even if I was a child, I wanted to say goodbye to my father. Those doctors can burn in hell.
I can't wait for us to have passionate sex, I'm verey excited!
Now I'm in high school. Nothing different. People try and pity me, but I don't want to be treated like I'm lower. They never understood. They still have their fathers. Family has torn apart. Little brother is holed up in his room, older brother still living in the luxurious city, Mom has become unstable and almost every other day abuses me, either physically or emotionally/mentally. When I try to defend myself, she acts like the victim and turns on me. She calls the cops and tells them lies, knowing they'd believe her over me. Little brother does nothing. He doesn't even vouch for me. Cops probably been called twenty times in those four years, I lost count. Decide they have enough and label me as a juvenile delinquent. Absolutely scared and confused. Get taken to court to stand in defense against my mother. I try to speak up for myself. When go back home, abused again, threatened to be homeless, told how much family hates me. Told to take back everything I said and confess or else. I didn't know what to do. I was too scared, more scared to be homeless, fear of dying alone. Heh, isn't that a funny thought, seeing as how I wish for nothing more than to die alone? Go back to next hearing and confess. Court thinks somethings up, and I confess again. Have to do community labor. Almost immediately word gets out that I'm a juvi. Town runs on rumors like blood to a demon. I hate every single last one of them for ruining my life.
What do you do when the people that feel like home to you can't be in your life anymore? I don't want to be alone again. I don't want to go back to that dark place. The emotional drop is hitting me so hard right now. I should've never let anyone in. It's so easy to be fine with being alone when you didn't have anyone in the first place.
I need a hug... I need someone to run their fingers through my hair, to wipe the tears away and whisper, "It's all right, Andrea. I'm right here with you."
4 Days off and I can't stop thinkin' about going back to the job I hate just to see and talk to you for 5 minutes if I'm lucky.
I know you're probably only just being more affectionate, more touchy, and trying to get me working in your area more just to watch out for me because of my 'episode' a few weeks back.
And I appreciate it.
But it's making my feelings worse.
I thought I loved you before, but damn now you're all I think about.
And I know I can't have you, because you're already married and probably not interested in a guy like me.
Worse yet, every-time I've spoken to you since then, you've let it drop that you've somehow checked up on me either by specifically monitoring my performance or by talking to other people.
You've forced the irrational, hopeful part of my brain into hyper drive and it's at war with the smart part of my brain. And winning.
At this rate, I'll probably do something stupid and blurt out how I feel.
I don't want that to happen.
I'm a disgusting over achiever who has no reason to hate life, or have zero confidence. However, no amount of goals and achievements in the world can satisfy the need to be appreciated as a person instead of an objective asset. I told myself that I would die before I had to face a lonely life as an adult, but now I'm here and I'm too much of a pussy to get off.
Why can't I just be happy. I not a scumbag or degenerate, I'm the complete opposite but I still have no friends and am still a virgin. I want to know how it feels to be wanted as a person.
School finds out. Everyone either teases me or despises me. I could give less a shit of what those brats have to think. Teachers think I'm a bad seed. Often brought into office to have talks to. Ever since then, mom's thought me as a bad seed. That I'm just going through "emotions", you know that bullshit deal, that fucking teen stereotype where we want to rebel and shit. That one. Takes me to a therapist to see what's "wrong". Therapist has heard of rumors too. Says I'm going through early stages of depression or some bullshit because of my father. Fucking lying therapist was useless for shit. Get put on meds, forced to take them. Nothing helps, much like I expected. But I decide to use this to my advantage the next my mom decides to abuse me. I feign emotions and say I wanna commit suicide. Get taken away for a few days to stay with a friend. Only they knew why it was that I feigned this. They kept that secret locked tight, I love them for it. Older brother hears of my recent behaviors and comes down to see what's going on. Mom tells him her side of the "story" and I can't say anything. He takes me to Madison where he lives for the summer and later for my senior year in high school to separate us to prevent any drama.
I'm schizoid with some schizotypal features (personality disorders in the same cluster have lots of overlap) and I can feel an extra dose of crazy setting in.
Now I'm living in the city. Something I've never seen in my entire life since living in the country. So many new things to know and explore. And I learn this the hard way. This be when gay rights were still fighting for equality and whatnot, bullshit that I don't care about because its not my problem. My older brother was looking at some dumbass bullshit fucking retarded article where Oreo apparently made their filling rainbow colored to support gay rights. Me, a simple religious household child grown up in the country, couldn't fathom the idea of how or why two men/women could love each other. And my brother, for no apparent reason, with unfiltered rage, beats me red because me, said child grown up in a religious household that I hated, in the middle of fucking nowhere where the education system is very low, knows nothing about this gay rights bullshit and is now learning about this, confused and cannot understand what it means and/or why. Probably the earliest form of getting my privilege checked to the point where I was throbbing in pain and wanted to run away but he locks me away in my room never to see day until tomorrow. I try to be brave and report this to city authorities. Big investigation where my whole family was involved. Had to move it to hometown because Madison was not where I originally belonged. Police investigate while family threatens me again and once again like the weak little pussy ass bitch I was, take back everything I said.
Now starting school in Madison, still fearful of my brother, but could be worse, slowly learning about the world. Politics, social media, ect. ect. And love. I could never develop a crush in my old school, but this one, there was one girl who caught my fancy. I was brave and admitted my feelings. She accepts them and then instantly we're "dating". It was too easy that I should've known something was wrong. Now I'm feeling merry as a school boy, happy to experience love for the first time, but she could never share back my love. Not even holding hands. It was then prom was coming up and I wanted to ask her out. She comes to me and tells me flat out she's only been using me. Heart broken, can't even comprehend the world right now. Rejected love, not only by her, but my family. Something I've wanted all this time to fill in the empty space left in my heart by my father. Now, I finally understand and realize I do have depression. Mom tried to be smart and blame it on genetics, but no. It was her. It was my brothers. It was that town. It was that girl. It was everything that was unfair to me and took away all of my happiness in life. I finally experience the feeling of wanting to die and I almost went insane. I lost sleep. I succumbed to night terrors of hellish dreams. I didn't want to draw anymore. I enjoyed nothing out of life. I couldn't even enjoy my friends anymore, probably the last thing that could keep me happy. And it was tearing me apart. I could start seeing shadows out of the corners of my eyes, started hearing voices calling out my name taunting me, even hallucinating. It was then when a friend was walking to my house to hang out and found me collapsed on the ground, crying. I felt disgusting when he came to me, asking what was wrong. I felt like an animal, a freak. And I told him. I wanted to die. It was then my friend was scared for me and even though I told him never tell this to my family, they were told and I was taken back home for my "safety".
Now, I'm a 19, going on 20, year old living in Madison, Wisconsin. I'm a dropout from college because my family can't support me, so I have to be able to support myself on my own, unable to balance both. My antidepressants don't work. I'm still alone and single, never experienced true love or even actually having a girlfriend, me being the pathetic virgin I am. Currently struggling to live on my own in general. I hate religion, yet and too scared of a bitch to kill myself because fear of what end yet comes or awaits me if I do so. Still think God's dead or abandoned us to our own turmoil. Me, achieved nothing in life. No job, no education. No family, no love life. No achievements or hobbies. Just the solstice of my mind's imagination, whatever remains, to take me away from the pain of the world, hoping one day I may be taken swept away to be free and happy in my mind's content.
And that, dear 4chan, is the solace of my life. I'm not asking you to take pity on me. It just feels good to get it off my chest, even if its to random strangers. Still feel no different, but something feels better nonetheless. I just hope that you all may just look upon your lives and appreciate what you have, for everything I have lost. Thank you.
>>17231800
I don't know if this is much, but I guess what I went through is similar to you. The only people who felt like home to me were my friends. They were the greatest. But then they all left to pursue their lives, while I'm all alone, wanting them to come back, to hang out together again, bringing back the old crew.
Sometimes I wish I never made friends. It feels better to have nothing to hurt. But, to be honest, I'm reminded of the good times I had with them. The times that made me smile. And I guess that's what keeps me going. To have memories of good still with you to look back and smile upon.
I can't say it will work for you, but anything that makes you smile, makes you happy, is still worth fighting for.
>>17230235
you sound like me. the truth is probably that you don't dislike people in general per se, but that you need very little human contact to meet the minimum for survival. what you get is never very satisfying, but you survive anyway.
take it upon yourself to find something interesting in people, even if you have to coax it out. people will talk about justin bieber because they probably don't have anyone encouraging them to get on a higher level, conversationally. be that person for them, they may be waiting. remind yourself that there are no truly boring people, and other humans are naturally interesting and denying that to yourself is a fool's errand.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/231/time-to-save-the-world?act=1
something i've wanted to try: spend some days in total isolation. no human contact whatsoever. out in the wilderness or somewhere. when you return, you may have a renewed appreciation.
>>17227944
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY......... ok, i'm fine now :)
Ah shit
I'm going to procrastinate on writing that CV right now because I e feel I'm quite useless for it.
Now I have two options: either I read some about perl which is oriented to the security career I want, or some lisp, which is probably economically useless but I've been meaning to git gud at it and for the first time I actually have the drive.
I guess perl can wait, or I can read a chapter later on.
>>17227944
I'm a bad person
>>17232033
Yes you are.
>>17231620
Your one and only wish has been granted. It COULD happen. Whether or not it does though, is going to depend on you.
>>17232033
It's okay, I'm a bad person too.
You'll get used to it.
>>17232033
yeah, nothing to be ashamed of
>>17232033
>>17232051
>>17232078
>examples of why I don't trust people.
>>17232051
>>17232078
The hell you talking about? Being a bad person is not okay.
>>17232157
Sounds like you have a mental issue, Anon.
You should do your best to just bottle that up and complain about it all the time, it'll help.
>>17232165
Why? What's wrong with being a bad person?
>>17228196
I hope all of you stop talking to each other. and this entire website comes crashing down.
>>17232192
What do you mean 'What's wrong..."? Being BAD is what's wrong with being a bad person! It's inherently ingrained in the very concept of bad that being bad is not okay.
I've finally decided to live my life. I don't care what other people think. In two years time or so, I plan on making a big move and pursuing my dream. Yeah, it might not be practical, it might not be guaranteed, but god damn, I would rather jump off a bridge if I had to give up my dream. I don't give a damn what anyone says anymore. It's my life and that's that. Life is too damn short anyway, I don't want regret.
>>17232218
I'm beginning to think that you may not understand the definition of, "Bad" Anon.
Telling me that life is just one big shit storm with a few rainbows is not helping my situation. That makes me want to kill myself even more. And it's kind of fucked up because earlier today it actually set in that I will kill myself. My personality isn't meant to thrive in this era. Why is everyone so fucked up and selfish? Why was I called vindictive because I set my foot down? Why does everyone expect so fucking much from me but when I actually need the littlest thing...it's basically fuck me. I don't matter. There are so many realizations and epiphanies about life right now and it's all so discouraging. I'm being used in every aspect of my life and it hurts.
One last thing: I could feel (you) watching me while I was deep in thought about the above at work earlier. You have proven to be awfully nice and I'm sorry for the gloom.
>>17232242
Well maybe if, "Nice" people stopped killing themselves because they felt out of place, this wouldn't be a problem.
It sounds like you just need to separate yourself from your toxic environment.
>>17232232
Why don't you educate me then.
>>17232251
Oh, but I'm such a bad person, I couldn't possibly do that.
If only there was some way for people to find this information without reliance on others... Oh how much simpler the world would be. Ah, but listen to me babble on about far-fetched fantasies...
>>17229632
>I will never fall in love again.
I said that too many times for myself to believe on you.
>>17232033
>>17232051
>>17232165
>>17232192
>>17232218
>>17232232
>>17232251
>>17232256
Your discussion is moot due to the simple fact "bad" and "good" have a thousand meanings.
Try to discuss the behaviour instead.
>>17232264
I said that too and have kept up with my promise for several years
>>17232265
You know, it's bad to just give people the answers all the time.
>>17232165
>is not okay
bitch gtfo
>>17232268
You ain't made of iron. You're breaking that promise eventually.
>>17232250
>separate yourself from your toxic environment
At this point, it seems the only way to do that is to never leave my house.
>>17232256
Yes, if only telepathy were a real thing.
is it a bad idea to try to do sexual stuff with my ex this weekend? we're meeting up for one last time or something, i don't know, but we spoke last weekend on the phone so i could quickly tell them something, but we ended up talking for half an hour as if we'd never even drifted. It was nice. I hinted at the end that the next time i see em i wanna do something 'fun' and 'interesting' and i said it in a really suggestive voice. they were like "oh man you better not be pranking me, this better not be a 'pranks gone sexual' or something" and we both had a laugh and i was like "no no, trust me. its definitely not a prank." and they were kinda like "hmmm welllll don't pressure me if i don't feel like it on the night" and i was like "nah i won't, but trust me. if you're up for it, it'll make the night incredible."
and then i said i'd see them then, and hung up.
whats this sound like to you guys?
I dont wanna get my hopes up so I'm not gonna tell myself this is happening on sunday, but i totally want it to happen. we used to talk about doing stuff like this a lot but we just kind of never got the chance to.
>>17232277
Ah, but telepathy is very real, Anon. No, what I speak of is a sort of archive that's comprised of many, many sources of knowledge. One that's interconnected, and could be easily accessed by nearly anybody. An archive that will automatically sort queries based on history, popularity, and relevance.
I dream large, this much I know, but it is the belief in possibility that drives creation. Have faith, young Anon.
Perhaps someday, even people such as your self will hold access to all the worlds knowledge right at your very fingertips.
>>17232275
Then redefine toxic with understanding.
My tattoo makes me feel like shit. Fuck this gay earth.
>>17232298
What is it, and why?
>>17232297
How should I begin that?
>>17232293
Indeed. Unfortunately such an archive that lets me access your mind directly with you engaging communication skills verily does not exist.
>>17229866
>>17229880
oh god please don't be me we just talked today so I hope it's not me I thought we did ok today
>>17232316
Learn to see yourself in others, and others in you.
We're all protagonists of our own stories, and everybody that surrounds us, the side-characters. This is applicable to all.
Your perception of yourself, and your views are not inherently apparent to other people, nor are theirs to you. Much as a quick glance at an optical puzzle may reveal one face, closer inspection will allow you to learn the true story.
With adequate reflection, you can learn to forgive others for their mistakes, and acquire the patience needed to discern their true identity versus their perceived identity.
How is it possible to get ones EGO back to the level it was? Since I got through a really hard break-up I am half a year really unsecure about myself, I am completely opposite person and nothing entertains me. Girls I used to fuck or date really liked me and when I came back to my country for internship everybody was really looking forward to it. My friends, tons of girls started to write me...but I have no ego and i quickly dropped into the friendzone with most of them and friends don't like to be around me that much anymore cause I am boring pessimist now. I started working out but that doesn't help. I don't wanna stay inactive with my depression, I want to be the same as before, with high-selfesteem always funny guy...now I am level 5 clinger and boring as shit...did somebody experience something similar?
>>17231816
Hey man you're OK and you're gonna be great
I want you to have this emoji pic
>D sends me a picture of her
>no idea how to process this, what the hell do i say or do
>"any comments?"
>text her all the stuff that comes to mind
>no response
Social interaction is harder than any of these final exams.
I have absolutely no idea what i'm doing and why.
Can put in massive effort but I need orders, captain!
>>17232332
Feigned intelligence; an endearing trait to be sure. Almost as much so as feigned ignorance.
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who takes comfort in fantasy and fiction.
>>17232363
For $100 dollars a month I will do all your texting and flirting and I get a $50 commission for every successful date and hookup I get you
Deal?
>>17232378
I'll do what he's offering, AND I'll throw in a free autographed T-shirt.
Why do you have me do this to myself? I constantly have a fight inside of my mind telling me that I am not good enough for you, or that I have to do 1000x better in order to even be close to you. Why do you keep me in this position. You know that if you only say the words I can stop slowly tearing myself to shreds and start living life with or without you, I just need an answer. I just need you to say yes so I can go on doing what I do in order to show you that you made the right choice, or say no so I can hopefully move on and show someone the love I show you. And more importantly, if I love you so much, why do I keep blaming you?
>>17232344
I understand and concur with the middle of your post.
The other segments unfortunately reiterate my initial epiphany. They do that because I have been godly patient with those people/things I'm struggling with. I always tried to help and make thing better. Through these initial interactions I do see a little of myself in them and I want to help. But then it seems everyone takes that and runs. It seems I want to help when I recognize their perceived identity, but that "help" seems to bring out their true identity...which usually doesn't seem to be a good identity.
And hey, it's hard to be forgiving after awhile. That's all I do. Which may be a huge contributing factor as to why I'm treated like shit and pushed aside.
Does that make sense at all :/?
I'm tired of forgiving.
>I'm not vindictive, either.
>>17227944
I honestly think of myself as a burden.
I've felt this way for as long as i can remember and it's just reinforced by my dad always putting me down over everything among other things. Him doing that made me put myself down and now that's what my entire mindset has developed around. I always learn new things in hopes of not being viewed as a failure or as pathetic, but nothing works. I want to do better but can't get myself to do anything because i feel as if i'm no body and no matter how much i try, i can't succeed.
I don't even know why i try and make my parents like me, or even be proud of me. they've done so much to me that it's hard to function properly. whenever i showed emotion when i was young, he'd grab my by the neck and hold my face under running water until i forced myself to stop, or threaten and hit me. Doing that has caused me to instinctually repress emotion so much that i can't open myself up to anyone. my mother would do things like give me indian burn, scream, put me down, etc when she was mad also.
a mixture of those things, physical and mental, have lead to a majority of problems
(chest pains, irregular heart beat, seizures, arm numbness, twitching, pains in arms that have come and gone, but have recently persisted for more than 2 weeks and still going, hearing voices, tunnel vision, one eye can't fully open easily, inability to feel most pain (except for severe pain), etc.
I have all of these problems and they don't know.
I haven't let them known because it'd stress them out more and i don't want to be a burden on them.
I've hid how i've been feeling and alleviating it with over the counter painkillers, but i've had to stop taking them as i've been getting severe pains in my gut whenever i take them. (they haven't been doing much any more anyways)
I'm 19 and i honestly don't feel well. it's come to a point where i can't even get myself to eat or sleep.
i genuinely don't feel like i can keep it up.
i just want to stop
I am done; I am leaving.
Everything I have said? It does not matter to you, even if I have been proven right. I have seen what I now am to you, and I am so much more than that. It is a shame, and I never thought I would be wrong about you...
I want to move on but she's came back before and now I'm expecting her to come back again and it's hindering me from finding someone else. I am pathetic.
>>17232475
Damn bro. I would give you a hug if I could. Keep up, try moving out. How possible would that be?
I fucking hate all of you. Fuck you, fuck her, fuck all your nosy friends, fuck all her nosy friends, and fuck who I thought were my friends.
I'm sick of being alone but if avoiding it means I have to put up with this shit I'd rather be alone or dead. Fuck it all.
>>17232489
Living the life of a poorfag with 4 people in the house working, 1 just got out school for the summer and with only 2 cars, it's hard.
I don't even have a job yet as they wouldn't let me get an ID until recently, and no where would hire you without an ID.
Got any suggestions for a job that'd pay a living wage? I've actually got some usable talents that could possibly help.
Since I broke up with my gf last week im starting to feel real lonely again. Even if I hang out with my friends the feeling is still there.
I really hate this.
>>17232520
Use them then. Improvise and you might be surprised bro.
>>17232536
I honestly don't know of any jobs that hire with nothing but a high school education that'd pay enough to be self sufficient.
Wolfing down and entire bottle of benzos this weekend has made me realize I might actually have a problem with them. I thought I could have a bottle and make it last.
I wish I didn't have insomnia
>>17232231
What is your dream Anon?
I'm painfully forgettable. Most of my relationships have the lifespan of five years and then it fizzles out where the person just finds someone better or isn't interested in me anymore.
I'm not even talking just romantic relationships, I mean friendships too. I just feel like I'm so insignificant in someone's life but they're such a huge part of mine.
I feel very small. Sometimes I realize how alone I am. I wish I didn't love with my whole heart
>>17232468
I do understand what you're saying.
It's difficult to describe overall the best policy to take with people. I too at one point was too kind, and too patient with others. This more often than not led to manipulation. Fortunately, I've always been fairly good at refuting points and solving issues through diplomacy.
After time though, no matter how well you handle it, it is going to wear you down. This is where the efficiency of the use of your resources comes into play. It's unreasonable to go out of your way for people all the time, you cannot possibly help everybody or do everything. So when you must, when you have the power, and when you feel that person is sincere, instead of solving their problem for them, simply guide them towards solving the problem for themselves.
It's important to value your own time, as well, as it's this time that you could be using to help people who are willing to help themselves and overcome their problem, and additionally, whatever else you find important or significant to you. Those who would seek to manipulate you want you to do things for them, and to their benefit. By forcing them to take responsibility in their own problems, you're removing all benefit that they could ascertain from attempting to use you.
In order to do that, you have to thicken your skin a bit and ask yourself why. Always ask questions about the situation. Why are they upset? Why are they unwilling to help themselves? Why are they insulting me? Always remember that there is more than one way to teach somebody a lesson, as well. I've been called an asshole many times before in the past, I've called bluffs that I couldn't afford to lose, and said things that I haven't sincerely mean in order to teach people. Do I regret it? Do I take offense when people call me an asshole? Not at all. I know I'm doing what I think is right for those people, and I know that their opinion of me is merely a reflection of how I play into their situation.
I'll be quitting soon. Kek, have fucking fun managing that uncultured shit hole. Sucks that there's so few people who can do everything, and then there will be even less once I'm out. I wonder if any of you actually think about how your current decisions will manifest later. Be prepared for my two-week notice.
>CAPTCHA: candy
>>17232657
I need more of your wisdom
>>17231976
Thank you for replying. I wish I could be as positive as you, but thinking about all of the happy memories just makes me feel worse because I know I can't make more of them.
>>17232564
I had this problem.
My doctor gave me a low dose of quetiapine 75mg and ordered me to taper off the benzos. I had NO withdrawals. The quetiapine still knocks me out for night time. Bonus: You get some fucking sweet dreams on quetiapine.
You don't wanna stay on that too long though because it has its own problems but it won't outright kill your cns like benzo abuse will.
>>17232396
Initials please?
I feel like no one ever wants me around, even if they do, we always end up growing apart. Or they just slowly start talking to me less and less and then they stop altogether, leaving me alone.
I can never seem to keep a friend for longer than 2 years and it hurts so bad, especially when they start growing apart from me but I'm still attached to our friendship. I just want to feel wanted and loved.
I'm so lucky to have someone like you
>>17227944
I'm going to kill myself either August 1st, of this year, or January 1st.
I'm leaning towards the latter.
I am just waiting for my girlfriend to eventually find some twisted reason to break up with me.
I'm use to it at this point. They all end up leaving and when it does happen, I'm just gonna swear off dating.
People seem to exist solely to screw you and I'm done with people. Only becoming a doctor for helping the few people I can as I want to go into osteopathy but that's it.
Dating is purely superficial as trying to date when I use to be in a wheelchair was a fucking disaster and now I don't trust anyone because I'll always be thinking if I get injured badly again they'll just leave me.
I have paranoid personality disorder and it's fucking miserable. I can't trust anyone. Even stupid shit like people walking behind me makes me think they're going to try and kill me. Or people giving me food/drinks I won't eat or drink it because I start thinking they've poisoned it. I can't trust women I date and we break up because I have to be in control of their life otherwise I think they're cheating on me. I just fucking hold up in my house because I feel like I can't even get close to anyone because I start assuming they have some motive and are just trying to use me. Even then I have to have all the doors locked and I plan out escape routes everyday from every room I'm in. I just want to blow my head off.
Sorry if I am smothering you. I'm really sorry.
I fucked up.
>>17230146
This. I always see girls craving the cock and abandoning their bfs with glee. I don't mind though, makes me laugh every time.
I'm thinking about the time we spend together. I feel weird, knowing that I'll never be able to show myself to you, constantly coating my true feelings with cheap humour, boredom and stupid shit. This is pretty dumb, I mean, thinking about it. You have your guy already, and I'd rather be left alone than keep lying to each other.
To value something as our time together comes as hard as forgetting the fact that you're already taken. I get kind of dumbfounded when I listen to chill songs with lyrics about love and growing old, and that feeling comes to me because you're perfect, or at least in my eyes, my ears, my nose and my touch.
I'm not special to you as you are to me, so the only thing I can do is fly away with the passage of time, as to make it as quetly as possible.
From A to J
>>17233058
I feel like this too.
If there is a person behind me I constantly feel like I'm going to be shot in the back of the head. If I'm walking in the street at night I always feel like a gang of thugs will come to beat the shit out of me and if I'm in a relationship I feel like they're cheating on me if they aren't with me all the time or constantly telling me about their love for me.
At least, I used to be until I got together with my most recent gf. She's wonderful and has helped me through so much of my problems, for once in my life I really trust someone and its having an overall positive effect to where I just am not nearly as paranoid as before and stress doesn't take up as much of my life as it used to.
I don't mean to gloat or anything I just felt like being appreciative for my gf, she is really wonderful. I really fucking lucked out somehow.
I usually don't care about this type of stuff...but my sisters ex is kinda escalating in the stalking category and is now contacting me about shit i don't care about and threatening to do things ... i would just go beat his ass like i used to do in high school but don't want to land myself in jail after i finally moved out and got a good job and running a side business. i'm thinking about going to police tomorrow and seeing what happens
i want to lose weight but my gf who is a lot thinner then i am keeps asking to eat crazy food...and when i say no she kinda gets upset and then i eat the food anyway so she doesn't get upset. im thinking maybe i should finally put my foot down
David and Christina, I am sorry for making you feel like you got slapped in the face or worse. That is not how I mean for you to feel.
>>17233103
I love him, I don't need someone else's cock. He's the love of my life
I want to succeed at life, be more ambitious but I'm content right now. I don't want to do anything that change this content I have.
>>17229645
Update, we talked and things seem normal
I am happy. I hope I can be a good friend and a part of someone's life, even if I have to be neurotic on here so I don't do it to them
Onto
the next friend!
slow pups
You two together is obviously already incredibly negative. It's hard to watch. If this is causing you this much stress I can't imagine how much a real problem would. It's not and was never something serious, stop trying to put on a show and move on with your lives.
Your relationship is destined for a hard break up.
-bad pup
>>17231816
>I want to know how it feels to be wanted as a person.
Same here, buddy.
>>17232475
You have serious anxiety issues and need to see a doctor before they do more damage.
Do it without telling your parents if you have to (you're 19, no medical professional is allowed to inform your parents about anything if you're in the US, you have the right to medical privacy).
If you're too afraid to see a doctor, get your hands on a non-selective beta blocker (such as propanolol, timolol, or pindolol) and start taking it. Does very little for your mental health, but it helps enormously in protecting your body from the long-term effects.
And you need to start sleeping more, do that however you can. Consider antihistamines like dipenhydramine before bed.
>>17233039
Fellow people-averse med student here.
Though why the hell are you still dating that girl if this is how you feel? At least do her the courtesy of not leading her on.
I've never been in a relationship, and I feel like i'm less lonely than all you guys who've jumped in bed with girls you don't even really like or trust.
>>17233254
I know these feels. Making my first normal (not crazy or autistic) friend right now too.
I had to leave because I like you too much and you'll never see me the same way. I know you're exactly like me and I hope you won't end up with someone who will hurt you. I truly care about you and all I want is that everything is alright with you and that you're happy. It makes me sad that I can't be a part of your life though.
awwwwwww i didn't get to go shopping with someone else but i gathered my courage and i went out by myself
and i got myself some food for the day and some new make up and some nail polish!
i feel lonely but
KRITIKA IS ONLIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!
cat acrobat is totally adorbs!
My girlfriend is crazy and refuses to admit it, I am seeing a psychologist AND a psychiatrist (and soon a psychotherapeut), I am broke, jobless, without a driving license, with 4 exams left to graduate...
I am battling against everyone to keep her and against her to keep my sanity.
My only consolation has been hitch-hiking 20,000 km through Europe in 2 years and travelling in general. Luckily I have very good close friends, even though they are either depressed or complainers. I am the family's black sheep but I try to keep good relationships with the members.
Please don't waste anymore of your life searching for what you already have if only you turn around and look. Please wake up before it's too late and realize what we have is incredibly rare on this earth. I will always love you. I've been calling out to you in the forest can't you hear me? What you seek is not here on 4chan. Don't you see the same happy future I see that we could have together? I'm waiting for you because you're unique and I know you and you know me better than anyone else and certainly better than some bitch who never cared to begin with. I'm tired of being alone out here on my own when we should be having fun and living out lives together. I miss everything about you. I'm still in love with you and waiting for you because I know I'll never find the kind of connection we had with anyone else ever again. My love for you is the kind that will last for eternity. Be well my love. Come out and play.
>>17232630
iktfb, down to the five year mark, and loving so fiercely.
Never again.
>>17232628
I want to be a voice actor. I just want to work with my creativity. Create stories, act, all that stuff.
A certain rape case has me thinking about this a lot today.
Roughly four years ago, I was raped. Or, taken advantage of, whatever you'd like to call it. Now, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, in fact, I expect to be flamed for this story.
I was drinking with several friends, and I had too much. We were doing shots of 99 proof alcohol (which I will never ever do again.) And I probably had around 7-9 shots, I dont remember for sure. Hell, maybe I'm lucky to be alive. Anyway, one of the guys there, I had a thing for,even though we'd only just met. One of the other guys I would eventually date for a while.
So I inevitably end up puking my guts out in the bathroom, and I'm there for quite a while. (I was 21-22 and very inexperienced at drinking)
Guy I had a thing for came in under the pretense of checking on me. I was passed out, lying on the floor, when I came to, he was taking off my pants and entering me. I couldn't even talk to say no, i do recall at least trying to shake my head no.
I thought I was safe in that group of friends. One of the people I was with I'd known for years. But evidently, all it took was a moment to slip away and check on me to violate me.
I don't think I'll ever forgive him, even though I've said I did. I foolishly slept with him a few times later in the year, and I still can't understand why. To this day I'm still disgusted with myself, and I'm still working on forgiving myself. I even tried to tell my friends about that night some time later, and no one seemed to believe me. So now I just keep my mouth shut and hope he doesn't do it again, and if he does, then the girl is far braver than I was.
I wish I was good enough for people to remember.
I wish I didn't push people away and I wish I didn't take a chance on this shitty relationship. Regrets are painful
>>17233919
what relationship?
Haha wow thanks for making me feel like the biggest piece of shit "friend" you have. Thanks for bringing down my already low self-esteem when I've been trying to raise it for about 2 years now. I try to make your day the best it can be but when I try to have some fun, fuck me right? Just because my lifestyle isn't "exciting" enough for you doesn't mean you can treat me like a ghost when I'm trying to get your attention in a conversation. I feel like shit more and more everyday since I came back and I'm about to give up on my efforts to make my life better because apparently no one likes me enough to give me some human decency to remotely treat me like I matter.
You're just as fucked up as the rest of them.
>>17227944
Holy fucking shit guys I took off my socks and had dead skin on both. An ungodly amount of it
What a fucking feast!
>tfw wanna fap
>tfw turn on porn
>tfw your brother bursts in your room, change the tab
>after him comes your cousin who is staying temporarily in your house
>after him comes your mom
>three people in your room and you just want to fap and then go to sleep
I just want boobers, mine disappear into my chest ;-;. My S.O says I'm sexy, but I'm pretty sure they have suppresed homosexuality, fugg
I hate being alive, I'm so tired of it. I've tried to be happy, nothing works. bipolar and major depression are ruining my life and everyone is sick of me.
>Go for a jog, beat my record
>trip and fall towards the end
>cut my hand, left wrist and left shoulder
>iphone screen is smashed
>haven't spoken to gf since Sunday
>she doesn't answer my calls or call back despite me calling once a day
>feels like she's lost interest
every time something good happens I fall into another hole again.
>>17234801
So are you.
>>17235135
good job on the PR though dude
i'm sorry about the shit though
it'll get better
I'm a bad person.
We're both on a relationship.
Although we haven't mentioned it, it's pretty obvious we have feelings for each other.
I just wish feelings could be rational.
>>17235196
We're all fucked up. It's just different when you're fucked up in a malicious way.
I hope not to walk from despair into an empty wilderness alone
I'm in love with you
Locked away
until i found the key
curiosity killed the cat
and curiosity killed me
I have a very bad family history of mental illness. Schizophrenics, Bi-polar, OCD. You name it, we got it. I didn't really understand mental illness when i was younger, I thought that becauseI didn't have any illness at the time, that my head would be good for the rest of my life. I was ignorant. I wanted to experiment with drugs, just like the rest of my friends. I mean, weed didn't seem that bad. If I only knew what would come after. Weed unlocked the door to mental illness. Since then, I've had psychotic episodes, severe anxiety and depression and inattentive adhd. Im not blaming pot for my troubles, i mean all of that was already in my genes.. i just needed something to bring them forward.
I hate living like this.
I'm friends with a teenager and it kinda sucks. Compared to my friends around my age, she looks like she has so much fun and energy. She's always doing the stuff I wish my parents would have let me do in high school. Makes me feel like an old grandma.
My girl, not my girlfriend, my girl, seems to be going down a dark path. She says she feels empty and is trying to fill it. She has a good heart, but recently she's really getting into some shit that doesn't seem like her. She seems really lost and confused. It seems like she's looking for something. It's not working. She's trying to have sex with a bunch of people, smoking lots of weed and drinking a lot, unable to build deep relationships. She's not that kind of person.
I know what her problem is. I know where this comes from but I don't know what to do.
>>17235853
Really wish I could just cry for hours. I hope I'm being over dramatic. I REALLY wish I am. I hope this is just a slippery slope bias.
This relationship has been so fucking toxic so far. She has problems and I promised myself I would stick by and deal with them but fuck...I'm scared she won't get better. I'm scared I wont be able to handle her. I'm not the strongest person in the world. I've already dealt with so much and I don't know how much more I can handle.
I feel like I'm trying to raise a bratty teenager who will only do what's in her head and not listen to anyone for any reason..
How the fuck do I appeal to her? How do I deal with this. Fuck I'm so despaired right now it hurts.
>>17228341
Been there done that anon. Found out I don't give a fuck. Started working out. Haven't stopped. I think we're all a little too concerned with the here and now. I lost a 9/10 out of my own stupidity in similar shoes as you. You gotta disconnect from that. Go outside. Walk. Find yourself within. Adopt a dog. Smoke weed. But always think, always work, always give yourself something YOU can be proud of and we will be proud of your faggot ass too. If you give yourself some self worth, life becomes bright again. I was 350 @ 5' 9". Now @ 240 & same height. I've gave myself something to live for. Can you?
>>17228133
Well.... At least we are still friends. Spoke to her, and as far as I can tell it is the exact same as we would talk normally.
So, I assume she saw it and did not want to answer or, she did not see it.
And I'm sure as hell not gonna bring it up. Unless she does (Which she probably wont)
>>17233152
>love him
>want to hook up with a guy one last time
>>17233836
Wasn't really rape if you kept coming back for more desu
>>17231825
Take up soccer if you're a sophomore.
Or find your what makes your life go and do that. High school isn't long and those people aren't all that. Yo
Fuck, I really miss you.
Kristen
I wanted to ask you out.
I like your sexy hair, that collar you wear
Seeing you in those shorts reminded me that I was a man and really just want to Fuck.
I want to ravage you, I want to caress you. I want to laugh as we make funny faces and look into each others eyes in the bed sheets.
I want to bury my face between your thighs. I want kiss and lick every curve on your body. I want to taste some Creole.
That angry face you make is sexy and if I ever got to make you smile, I'd be honored to do so.
Let me knead your dough. Let me butter your muffin.
Tarzan ;)
>>17235287
I'm a D and this post was not written by me, but I've felt that way before.
I wonder how many times people have confused anons with others.
It goes to show that we're all feeling the same way at some point.
If you're gmo, text me bitch.
I don't feel that way anymore, but I'm sure we'd have some great Fuck if the conditions were right. I'm cool with being friends though.
And of course, I'm cool wit not knowing each orher.
I'll eat you.provided that you haven't had sex in four days and you return the favor. I'd rather taste you than latex
>>17228962
>I hate that Modern Feminism and Social Justice ruined people's perception of women.
Don't worry, most of us guys know the problem isn't black girls (unless they are Beyonce-tier earning alot of money shilling that shit to white women).
We know the problem is white women, and college educated women of all races (because college's not about education anymore, but rather to influence peoples political opinions at a young time in their career).
Though, I still wouldn't risk approaching you are anything. But that's just a precaution.
I assume every white woman is a hateful harpy bitch, and assume every race of women is better, but could potentially still believe that stuff.
>>17235890
Initials?
I have a problem admitting I have problems. I started typing this at 9:10, I typed and retyped what I would say 3 times. I don't know how to speak to people, I don't know if I'm just over thinking what to say but I just end up saying nothing and freeze up half the time like I'm a deer caught in the headlights. The half of the times I do speak to my friends I feel like I'm being someone completely different. I've had trust issues since I was in grade school, the people who I do trust feel like they're getting farther away from me. None of my friends ever come to me to talk, I don't know if it's because of something I did or if I'm overreacting. I have no kind of skill in anything, wasted my life playing video games and mastebaiting. Every day that I wake up is just the same day as the one I had. I don't know what to do with my life, but everyone has that problem right? I hate complaining about anything to my friends since I don't think I'm worth the breath it takes to say it. I always thought that if I just ignore that nagging feeling that pops by every time I drink by myself everything would be fine but know I hate myself and regret everything I've done for the past 10 years. I know there are people that have it way worse which is why I choose to vent on an anonymous message board than waste others time with things I should be able to figure out by myself. I think it helped a little bit, so if anyone actually does read this, I don't know if I'm going to be alive come this time next week, let alone next year, best of luck to you all.
I know suffering is no competition, but I can't help but feel like I can't complain about anything whenever I'm feeling unnerved or anything. I think the idea is like, count your blessings and all, but still. There are times where I'm really feeling down on myself, my self-loathing and intrusive thoughts increase, and yet at the same time there's a part of me that quells it by thinking "well at least I'm not in the hospital" or "at least I'm not like, almost dead" and... I don't think it's helping much. "At least" this and "at least" that doesn't seem to help because whatever I'm feeling (or not feeling) is still... there.
I don't even know if any of this made any sense.
I don't know if anything I'm thinking is real, I feel very disconnected, grey and emotionless. I want help but I don't know what I'm doing, I make positive changes more and more but it feels useless. I don't think people are good inside and I miss people who I had a connection with. I'll never see them again and it makes me fear my feelings and human connection, it's easier this way because nobody can damage me.
>>17236124
Holy fuck. This is 100% me. Not even on the internet can I type something without deleting it and retyping it again.
