Alright /x/, maybe you guys can help me make sense of this. Is it possible that a tulpa can be created out of negative emotions?
>inb4 rpfag
No, I don't waste people's time thinking up shit that never happened on /x/. If you think I'm rping then move on.
About a year ago I was under a fuckload of stress, like fifteen fuckloads. The reason why is not important, the effect it had is.
I was angry, I was always angry at everything. I was literally edge: the guy. You can imagine that constant rage can really fuck with your life, so I began doing what I often do: visualising it. In this case, it turned out a little more lively.
I visualised it as myself, an angry, greyed out version of myself. And I'd talk to him, I'd ask him why he was angry and he'd tell me and I'd try to fix it. And for a while it went great, until one night I was just overcome with the burst of utter rage, out of fucking nowhere I was so, SO mad.
But I wasn't the one that was mad, I visualised angry me and he'd changed from a grey version of me to a featureless, black version of me, like a shadow (edgy, I know. Bear with me). And he was thrashing and screaming and raging. I had to get up, look myself in the mirror and say out loud "I'm in control here" before the anger just disappeared. I was calm again. But the visualisation of my anger didn't change back from its shadowy form. This whole ordeal was getting out of hand at this point, but I'd heard of Tulpa and wanted to see if I'd accidentally created one out of my negative emotions. So I started treating it as its own creature, not just a visualisation of my anger. I noticed it grew bigger over time, until it really towered over me. But I wasn't afraid of it, I knew I would easily win a fight for dominance should it ever come to that, because I have a lot more experience with this body than he did.
I came to name him Ragnarok.
cont. few lines
inb4 gay shit
>>17088018
Throughout that year, Ragnarok (I'll refer to him as Rag from now on, that's what I call him nowadays) towered over me, he was absolutely gigantic. I was always afraid what would happen if the whole burst of anger happened again, because I honestly wasn't sure if I could hold him back this time. But it never happened and he never tried anything.
Things have calmed down now, and Rag is still with me. Albeit he's barely as high as my knee right now and he's actually quite adorable. He's a lot more reasonable and has stopped screaming every word he says. I guess I might just be insane, but if he is actually a sort of tulpa and not just like an early stage of DID color me intrigued.
Any /x/philes with insight or similar stories? I'd love to hear them.
>>17088043
called it
Your tulpa gets It's information out of you, so even If it has a mind of it's own, it can get fucked up If you feed it bullshit. Try focusing hearing music and feeding him good vibes.
>fighting for dominance
...Thats totally out of my realm of experience. I suppose you can only lose control If you practice possession a lot, which everyone does not recommend.
>tfw responding seriously to rp
nice schizophrenia you got there
I can't really recall a time when I did that, but it seems like it was your way of coping with the anger and stress, to personify it. Glad things are better now, though.
>>17088018
afaik tulpas are a part of your own consciousness, and therefore your mind.
if you were stressed while you created the tulpa then it'll be stressed too. also, i've heard that detailed tulpas like yours tend to go mad.
i'd tell you to ignore it and listen to music, but honestly idk
good luck tho
>leave /x/ for years
>tulpa bullshit is still first page
>>17088063
I might have schizophrenia, I show some symptoms but I really can't be asked to go see a shrink and pay an arm and a leg for a "maybe"
>>17088066
Visualising comes naturally to me, imagine some music, preferably something orchestral. To me, every note in that score represents a different thing in an absolutely eyewateringly beautiful landscape. As opposed to when there's a wrong note in there somewhere it'll feel like something's just horribly wrong, like you're wandering through a dark forest with lightning bugs all around you and suddenly there's just this stretch of land that's like, tundra. It just doesn't belong, it's ugly. That's probably the best explenation I can give it.
>>17088018
OP, this. >>17088063
I'm serious. It sounds like you had a psychotic break. 15 FUCKLOAD OF STRESS. And sure, it is possible to deal with sub-conscious issues like being schizo without outside help, and even without knowing or even thinking you have snapped. Sounds like you're dealing with it, rationalizing your disconnect with your inner working mind in a workable fashion. Only way I see it.
>>17088018
sometimes your spirits get hunger feed them
>>17088100
Do you think you might have Synesthesia? It's a disorder I have that connects your senses. For example, I see color when people talk, and different things of the sort. It's not a big deal, and it's actually a good thing, so it's nothing to worry about.
>>17088114
I had that once. Every time my ex spoke to me I saw read. It cleared up though.
>>17088114
Possibly? Whatever it is it's really cool and really helps me as a composer. I've come to see it as a gift.
>>17088088
I read all of that, oh how keks were had. Did he ever return to that thread?
Ragnarok is far from that pinkie pie abomination, he was just a really, really big shadow that screamed every word he said with so much vigor his voice often cracked. Now he's a tiny shadow-thing, he's actually rather adorable, if this thread is still alive tomorrow I'll try to draw him in both "stages". I remember him having enormously long fingers or claws in his giant form. But he never actively tried to harm me after that one time. The more I talk about it, the more I think he may have not been malicious in the first place.
