For the past 6 years, I have been uninspired and unmotivated to do anything. I began to realise that there is really nothing I could possibly want from this world. Such feelings are not uncommon amongst teenagers, though.
What really bothered me was the constant feeling of not belonging to this world. When I was 13, I had my first episode. I blacked out in school, fell face first on the floor. I remember being in a different realm. It was surreal and peaceful. Since then, I knew that I am meant to be in that place and kept having these experiences occasionally.
I grew very anxious, that my presence in this world corrodes everything it comes in contact with, as well as psychotic, that everything out here just harms me. I get very paranoid about it and try to avoid as much as I can.
I had shared a greentext experience here and most anons told me to see a psychiatrist. I have a schizoaffective personality, but the feeling of not belonging here persists.
What do I do? I am convinced that I am destined to transcend this place and unite with the reality of pure consciousness. Can anybody help me?
You're full of yourself.
rps get out
>>17928723
>>17928737
I am telling the truth. I live somewhere in Asia and am studying in a city away from home. My room over there is haunted, although everyone says they are hallucinations. I have identified what it is, a being from that world. Its method of communication is by suddenly transferring thoughts into my mind. I had been very afraid but now I realise that it has been calling me. I am still very afraid and confused. It made me even more distant from others around me.
Meditation helps me feel connected to that world. It's not a higher world or anything, just a different plane of consciousness. I am unable to cope with anything over here and spend a lot of my time dreaming about that place.
I want to know if there are others who feel the same. Transcending this reality and experiencing the true stream of absolute consciousness.
>>17928707
Sure, Jan
When the things you are aware of impact your ability to function safely (ie: not black out, not confronted with constant paranoia), then you can definitely benefit from medication.
Shrinks are just average people making a living, they can tell you what symptoms look like which textbook and suggest medication accordingly, which should help your current situation greatly.
But the actual existential shit your dealing with, is widespread in human history and capitalist culture has no social mechanic for dealing with or healing/educating/addressing these issues.
Making positive changes is up to you, meds will help you function day to day and it is very possible you should look into it now before a possible episode.
But every individual has to take the steps to reconciling their intuition with their situation themselves, our tribes have no shaman, healers or spiritually connected leaders. Our teachers do not live off our lands in balance with our ecosystem. Our cultures are fragmented, broken, beaten down with fear of military or violent action, loss of freedom, drugs and consumerism, mental health epedemics.
Art is marketable, culture is a long dead myth and traditions are thought of as fairy tales less believeable than mainstream media.
Talk to a shrink, research the meds reccomended, then stay well read. Read, or do soemthing creative, get outdoors - safely. Find people you can talk to, and until you get more stability don't assume anything is real or imagined. Stay calm and know who you can ask for help, how to contact them and know when you need to.
If you start losing time, not remembering periods of time, hurt people, yourself or animals, or feel your thoughts are not your own seek assistance immediately.
>Thread is bait.
get a job you fucking retard
>>17928796
Thank you for your suggestion by I am extremely against medication. It is just one more tool used to trap people in this world. I have begun to become suspicious of all kinds of such things, especially popular media, and have distanced myself from them.
I need help, but in being able to ascend to my reality. In this world, I am constantly faced with dissonance of being a fish out of water. I study and do a lot of research about how I can achieve what I need, but I can't distinguish between what is trapping me here and what might allow me to leave.
>>17928778
Meditation is recommended but do it in a safe and happier environment. I know some of the cultural beliefs that deal with kind of shit, and I wouldn't get pulled into anything just because you think something is calling to you.
Seek "sacred places". You should feel calm and clear in these places, perhaps temples or places in nature, peaceful clear places. You may find people who have their shit together at these places.
If you feel you are connected to something, remember most cultures feel we have spirits that guide us. Also things of the mind or otherwise may try to get you to forge a connection (by paying more and more attention to them), but if you seek connection remember you are thinking or looking for that...whole connection. Not anyone thing or being can take you there. All guides can help you walk your path but you walk there yourself. Don't start attributing phenomena real or imagined to identities or singular entities. Recognise everything has a place, and that is where it belongs. Treat everything with respect and stay on your path.
People usually don't just wake up thinking about this - it is usually in their culture or bloodline. Find help with it.
>>17928808
I am a student and it is very difficult for me to get a job before graduation where I live. I am dreading that because I will not be able to function properly in society. I am dependent on my family for now, and feel a lot of guilt for that. Interacting with people and organising myself is difficult. I don't understand finance and such fundamentals and I can't get myself to even try to.
>>17928817
Then it is your mind. The mind is what holds you here and what fools us, it is what shows the path as an idea but we have to sharpen and clarify it to be able to understand properly, using it properly.
Ascension occurs to everyone at different stages. Better to think of it as illusion.
Some will teach that all illusion, the magic is in the simplest of things. This is the correct path especially early on, because confusion and illusion is not the foundation of lasting spiritual growth. If you let go of thinking you need to ascend to achieve anything here, you will have more power here. You have to control your mind with discipline and realization, as well as compassion and respect. Everything else is easily used to make you fall. Your glimpses of.. your preferred existence, think of it as a guide, but not a direct instruction.
I don't know anything about your situation, but I would suggest considering brining your water to the fish, and consider that there is no difference in what you seek and what you have, but only how you perceive and treat it.
This may seem like nonsense to you, but in very limited words, that is the point - to challenge you until you can understand what that means.
Shinto buddhism perhaps.
>>17928819
Where I live, religion is fairly dominant. It is a junction of Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Sikhism and Hinduism, but all they do is confuse me. I was never raised religious, but I do believe in a God and a Law that governs all. Few of the religions here instil a deep dear in me, and have been doing so since I was a baby.
I do feel calm and collected in nature, when I am alone, but it just makes me want to leave this world even more. Perhaps I should seek the life of a hermit or a monk? I could try but I don't know if my alienation and guilt will leave me.
Nothing over here is mine. Many times I feel that even my body and mind don't belong to me. All I know that I have been chasing a 6 year old promise of having a place I could belong to.
>>17928843
Thank you. I can understand what you're suggesting. I am deeply moved and surprised that someone over the internet is willing to care and can understand even so much.
Perhaps you too have seen this world that I talk about?
>>17928707
this isn't your blog.
go to /adv/
>>17928851
Go see if you talk to the buddhists until you get an idea of being happy with nothing. Don't think of giving up your material possessions now because you are young. Try and fail and try again at being able to provide for yourself financially. If you go hermit now you will end up on the street. Think of yourself as an older you who has to look after the younger you, don't fuck yourself.
Especially depending on what country, steer clear of is.lam ists, chris.tians, and just be careful about the rest. Visit the others and find a singular person you can meet with to see if you can get some useful dialogue, avoid groups, avoid meetings with people in suits, don't agree to dinners, dances, parties, anything like that - no money spent or personal info name/address/place of study given.
If you can find people that you can talk to in those last three then good. Approach it from a philosophical point of view.
Have you talked to relatives, grandparents or researched your ancestors?
You should if you can.
>>17928873
My parents had me see a psychiatrist. I recently had to give a series of tests and tried to describe this situation the best I could.
I haven't talked much about this to relatives, because I can't. They are all probably informed about my situation by my parents now.
All I really want to know is whether this world I dream of really exists or not? And if it does, how do I get there?
>>17928889
Well if it's s dream world then consider lucid dreaming.
Your meditation should be doing something for you though, are you doing hour sessions yet? Try doing an hour, just sitting. If you need to shift that is fine but sit for an entire hour. Let whatever thoughts you have come to the front of your mind, acknowledge them and let them float away. After a while you should get a bit of progress. See what happens.
Look into shamanic journeying.
>>17928903
I will look into that, thank you.
>>17928889
>All I really want to know is whether this world I dream of really exists or not? And if it does, how do I get there?
Ok so the quick and nasty about why I am saying pay attention to yourself and your perspective and not another world is this:
1: you are now looking for answers and instruction from something outside yourself, a person, a cult, an imagined entity - anything can now tell you what you want to hear.
2: It doesn't matter if it is real or not - your experience is real and meaningful. If the place is real and you asked and were told it was not.. Where does that leave you? If it is not real, and you were told it was, what are chasing? Your experience is real and valuable, don't chase the window because you saw the sun.
3: Don't ask others to define your reality. If you are confused, focus on what you know. You need to find a way to continue learning and living without destructive tendencies.
It does not matter if it exists, but it will if you ignore and it will if you obsess and both of those are the wrong choice. Acknowledge and move forward. You need to be able to figure this process out yourself, before you can actually decide with any benefit what is real or worth pursuing. You are in the learning stage, learn more. Think of there being no one single truth until you figure out otherwise on your own.
>>17928952
Yes, that makes sense, thank you.
>>17928707
>I grew very anxious, that my presence in this world corrodes everything it comes in contact with, as well as psychotic, that everything out here just harms me. I get very paranoid about it and try to avoid as much as I can.
WOW, JOHNNY. YOU SURE MUMBLE A LOT OF WORDS.
maybe if you stop being a depressed babby who suffers through the internet youll get better
>>17928707
Dude u sound like such a badass.
Itachi uchiha is so cool
