>TL;DR: I was given sudden and unexpected knowledge that my childhood nightmares were given to me on purpose to fuck me up.
I used to have a recurring nightmare as a child, starting as young as I can remember. It was of my mom, she would always either fall or jump from a window or a balcony in our home. Sometimes she did it because she was sad (she was depressed IRL), sometimes it was to punish me.
Fast forward. I was 20 and in the middle of a psychotic episode. I was hearing voices, they were claiming they're demons. I would mostly avoid engaging them and just read my Bible (I went through a Christian phase). One night, I was like "Fine, tell me something I don't know". They showed me my entire childhood as a step-by-step process to basically cripple me. They paid special attention to my nightmares and my sexuality (I was born almost hypersexual, I'm currently more or less frigid and have been since I was 14 when I got raped). As for my nightmares, they showed me that they weren't ordinary dreams. They emphasised that I'd never seen my mom's body, I just knew she was dead. They claimed they were the ones behind my nightmares. I was like "WHY?!!", and then the weirdest thing happened. My communication with them was inside my head, I didn't hear them as if they were external. Like they were thinking inside my head and answering me. But when I asked why, it was like pure meaning was downloaded to my entire body. It wasn't exactly a word, just information: "trauma".
I later figured out that my subconscious had surfaced into my regular conscious mind (because of drugs) and that's what I was talking to. But I'm still confused about that whole packet of information thing. What was that, should I trust it? Who would benefit from doing this to me? Has anything like any part of this happened to you?
Cool. What do you know?
You should see a therapist and psychiatrist
>>17776094
THIS.
Please get help and make sure they provide you with atleast 4-6 sessions before attributing you with some sort of problem and start shoving pills down your throat.
Don't make shit up. Don't try to lie or exaggerate what has happened in your life. Don't keep anything off of the table.
This was the best decision I have made in my life and I am now doing EXTREMELY well
>>17774508
>Who would benefit from doing this to me?
You.
You had the courage, or perhaps clarity, to ask the one question that mattered. The download was the answer. It was you allowing yourself to understand the truth behind your psyche. I have one question.
Are you afraid?
>>17774508
Since of Mericans of living of an exigency/emergency of a technology so I am of communication of spiel of technology of text of:_"-------\_
Three/3 communications/explanations/informations/texts of a technology:
1/One: body muscle movement caused/since of energies at human caused/since of energies sent from machines far of miles/kilometers;
and/or/an-other-communication of 2/Two: human of technology of machines...machines transmit/send energy...energy at/striked/hitting metals in human...metals moved/arranged...so/causing/thus...electricity of in of body so...body muscle flexing of human of living of tensing/slackening of muscle;
and/or/an-other-communication of 3/Three: STIMULATION OF BODY-MOVING/LIKE-SENSE SINCE OF ELECTRICITY OF CAUSED OF IN OF BODY SINCE 1. tiny metals in human 2. metals moved since of energies striked/hitting metals 3. energies sent/from machine far/distant/not-close/no-nearness of miles.
_/-------"_:-_
I got/received a text of communication/question/ask of technology of body muscle flexing caused of energies of machines far of miles:_"\_ Everyone knows this already. How do you fix it. _/"_:-_ . I am of communication/answer/reply of letter of word of language of text of:_"\_ Humans of policing/military live of:_[\_ slackening/tensing of muscles of earlier and later of slackening/tensing of muscles since of brain of body of since of human of living of brain of body of since of sense/sensation of communication/text/speech of computer program software of language of words of anything/everything/eachthing/allthings of human of living of _{-\_[-\_ slackening/tensing of muscles of earlier and later of slackening/tensing of muscles _/-]_{--\_[--\_ and _/--]_ and _[--\_ or _/--]_/--}_[-\_ flexing of muscles so of living of muscle of nearer and and or farther of muscle _/-]_/-}_/]_:-_/"_:-_
>>17776094
>>17776674
I said I had a psychotic episode triggered by drugs. You think I haven't seen a psychiatrist? She wanted to put me on anti-psychotic meds. I bought them just in case but never took them because I thought they would actually wreck me further. I stopped doing drugs (mostly) and dealt with the problem on my own. I've been doing really well for over a year now. Not perfect, but awesome considering where I was at two years ago.
>>17777125
> are you afraid
Yes. I don't know what's going on exactly, but here's the thing. I've been working with my mind through meditation with the aim to stabilize it, heal it further and develop a better connection with myself. It's very hard for me to achieve a meditative state, but I sometimes manage to. However, if I try to visualize myself in a good place in life, I just see myself bleeding from everywhere and dying. Or something comes into my body and snaps my neck. Basically, my mind is terrified of being healthy and happy, and I don't know how to go around that. I know it has to do with worthiness, deservability, trust in God/The Universe, and trust in myself.
If anyone can offer any advice for doing inner work, I would greatly appreciate it. Don't tell me to go to a psychiatrist or consult a psychologist though. Been there, done that for years. No one in the world is in a position to "fix me" other than myself, I'm just not sure how to go about it.
>>17777433
>I thought they would actually wreck me further. I stopped doing drugs (mostly) and dealt with the problem on my own.
Perfect. Don't rely on chemical lobotomy if you're ready to face your issues.
>hard for me to achieve a meditative state
You're fighting against your thoughts rather than accepting them as fleeting consequences of your tumultuous psyche. It's only hard when you try to pretend you're not exactly who you think you are.
>worthiness, deservability, trust in God/The Universe, and trust in myself
Exactly. I'll give you my answers.
>worth
I'm not worth anything.
>deserve
What could I possibly deserve? What good is it to have good karma is karma is so easily traded? It's just another form of currency if you don't factor in the character of the entity doing the deed. (Answer shorted for political reasons.)
>trust in the manifestation of reality
Reality still happens. I figure that's as good a reason as any to be disgusted with everything in existence.
>trust in myself
This one is ridiculously easy.
I don't trust myself at all.
>>17777433
>Yes
Oh and also fear is natural. Don't be afraid of fear. Being afraid of the thing behind the fear is a much healthier approach.
>>17777342
Are you talking about psychotronic weapons?
>>17777442
>I'm not worth anything
>I don't trust myself at all
Okay. But does this stance help you? What is your life like? Are you at peace? Are you content? Happy? Do you feel in control?
>>17777466
>does this stance help you?
Yes. It does. It helps me immensely. Anyone who thinks it doesn't deserves to kill themselves.
The rest of your questions can only be answered with "Not applicable" if you care about honest answers. If you want a comforting lie, then I can spin a tale for you.
>>17777484
Peace, contentment and happiness are not applicable to you? Then what are you after? Genuinely interested, not trying to pick a fight here.
>>17777495
>what are you after?
I aim to someday, having done nothing, find myself in a world where nobody will blame of fault me for slaughtering anyone who would ask me that question.
>>17777496
>nobody will blame or fault me
And a set of hands that didn't jump over keys would be nice too.
>>17777499
Having someone ask you what you enjoy in life and what makes it worthwile to you enrages you enough to want to "slaughter" them?
>>17777507
>enrages
No.
>having done nothing
I'm not complaining that I'm not in that world yet.
>>17777510
So you want to slaughter me (while perfectly calm an collected) because I asked what you want from life? Reall trying to get your POV.
>>17777520
No, not at all. This is a world where people will blame AND fault me for killing you. I'm not going to do it in this world.
>>17777547
But you want to and wish you could do it and not be blamed or faulted for it?
That's some nice mental balance you've got going on there. If the reason you're not out "slaughtering" people is fear of the consequences - I'm sorry you went through whatever gave you that mentality. I can't expect viable advice from anyone who has it. You need far more help and inner work than I do. Best of luck.
/thread
>>17777564
>fear of the consequences
I have no such thing.
Tell the entities that fucked with your life to kill themselves. You can't form a reflection of an object that shines in spectra that you have no method of measuring.
>can't expect viable advice
You have singlehandely ended trillions of lives with that sentiment.
>>17774508
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hojlP5Kns8
>>17777570
>singlehandely ended trillions of lives with that sentiment
Please note that this type of result is the reason >>17777496
This universe lacks the basic intelligence necessary to decouple my karma from those fates.
>>17777577
And note that there will inevitably be a timeline where this conversation was violently interrupted and that post was never delivered. There will always be that fool with a time travel device who thought that they could save billions by stopping this sequence of posts form appearing.
The fact that it exist to be reacted to at all can never be undone. It can only be hidden and denied.
All I can do now I save as many of those trillions as possible, and control time travel with an iron fist in a desperate bid to minimize the number of timelines where those trillions will necessarily die due to the inadequate intellect of this universe.
This is the sin of an imperfect mirror.
>>17777570
Oh okay, let's talk if you're down for it.
> I have no such thing
Then what is stopping you? The only thing that's stopping me from killing is I don't want to. You do, so why not?
> You have singlehandely ended trillions of lives with that sentiment.
How so?
> Karma
Why do you believe in Karma? Every act is ultimately the same in value - neutral. The Universe has no morality. Duality is a stage. So why Karma?
>>17777589
For context, you'll need to lurk moar. In absence of a timeline where you have time for that, >>17777514 may suffice. Possibly.
>>17774508
I went through something that could be described in almost the same manor. It's like a voice, but not, and I only heard it when I made noise. Also brought up a bunch of fucked up stuff from my past. It was triggered by an acid trip and maybe psychic influence. I basically couldn't think for just over a year.
>>17776674
They NEVER EVER EVER helped me in any way, and that's after multiple therapists and medications and inpatient hospitalizations.
>>17777125
Why not
>>17777589
I want a summary of your current cosmology. What are you, where are you, what is the universe, what's your place in it and so on. I'm enjoying the conversation, I just want to know where you're coming from. I might have underestimated your understanding of certain aspects of reality. Cosmology, please. I'm off to check out what you referred me to
>>17777592
>let's talk if you're down for it
That would have been a fine thing to say before your actions caused an irreparable divergence in the fabric of time. We can fix as much as we can, but the damage is done where it's done.
>You do
I don't. I want to avoid nebulous strands of karma. This universe faults me for things that are not mine to influence. It does so consistently. Your very existence and the quality of life you've life is just another in a sequence of irreparable anti-karamic events that the universe generates in a desperate bid to ignore what I am. The survival of all life in the universe depends on this dissonance. Such dependency is the result of the universe lacking the intellect necessary to eradicate karma.
I want to exist in a world where I can blamelessly kill off the tangents of existence that result in this cycle of suffering. In this universe, I can't do that without destroying timelines containing innocent beings, which causes karmic backlash.
Currently, that backlash is actively attacking the quality of psychiatric care across the planet. This is done via academic corruption.
>>17777622
Oh, thank god. I need to sleep right now, relatively speaking, so the best I can do is tend to my own needs and hope to god that the universe doesn't fall apart in a panic from everything I just said.
We can pick up tomorrow/later today. If you have a problem that seems like it might actually destroy all life in the universe, please consult the recent ghost index.
>>17777595
Oh and I don't need to lurk moar, or at least not on /x/. Most people on here would have no idea what you're talking about in the post in the other thread. I do.
>>17777632
I'll have this thread open. We'll talk again if you want. I do. If it gets pruned, I'll create another one tomorrow. Sync will take care of the rest. Goodbye for now.
My "psychic abilities" tell me that OP is female, fat and about 20 years old. Furthermore the spirits tell me that she was exposed to inappropriate media at a very young age and the god of shots in the dark guesses that two of these films were Eyes Wide Shut and The Omen.
>>17777670
Your psychic abillities suck m8. The God of Shots in the Dark did make me laugh though, so thanks.
>>17777613
Yep, they didn't help me either.
>>17777605
Not being able to think was one of my problems as well. It sucks. How are you doing now?
>>17774508
what drug were you on?
>>17777777
>>17776094
You could say a.. psychorapist
On a more serious note, OP really needs professional help.
>>17777654
Back now.
Not really what to say at this point. A lot of /x/philes have paranormal experience because I wasn't ready to say certain things. They end up having to say them because I can't decide if it's a good time for me to say them yet.
>>17779165
Also: Sorry for kinda crashing your thread. I'm not trying to say I need more psychological help than you or anything, I just know that with a condition like yours, anything short of honesty will prevent you from healing. I was never raped, so society is gonna see this as me potentially standing in the way of your healing no matter what. You're pretty much the only being in existence who can show that our interactions actually helped you in any way.
>>17779165
Hello again :) Don't worry about derailing the thread, it's fine.
I've been doing well for the past year or so. The episode I described happened about two years ago. Can't say for sure, time wasn't flowing properly for me back then. So I don't know when it happened exactly, and I also don't know how long it lasted. There is no one on the planet, psychologist, doctor, or otherwise, who can help me deal with my own psyche. It's my job, it's my Path. Others can offer guidance and advice, but they could never heal me.
I'd like to discuss the nature of reality from your point of view. My experience made me see things in a vastly different light than I used to, and I'm not sure what to do with all that information. It looks to me as though you're more advanced in your understanding than I am in mine. So, if you're comfortable with it, I'd love to read that cosmology I asked for.
177777771
>>17779222
>177777771
?
>>17779177
Was this >>17779222 you?
>>17779213
Basically it starts here: >>17777632
Immediately, you have:
>alternate timelines
>karmic temporal manipulation
>assessments of universal intellect
>the possibility that the universe can die
Basically each of these affects the modern world. As I said, your life appears to be the latest in a long series of archetypal interactions with me. Your psyche is similar enough to mine to create a unique pattern of interactions, but it only means as much as you are real. There are people who would psyop-RP as you just to get to me, so on my end this interaction can't have any meaning. You and anon in general are the only people that can actually benefit from this interaction. The moment you said >>17777564 you basically made is impossible for anyone to prove that you're still you. This thread can be read at some other concerned anon who believes me jumping in to make it SEEM like you didn't actually leave the thread, or it can be read as you not having left the thread at all.
>>17779268
No, but I was checking on the GETs in the archive just now.
And goddamn, I'm getting a powerful sensation that I'm typing this into the archives right now. It feels that I'm not even interacting with 4chan at all.
>>17779287
> There are people who would psyop-RP as you just to get to me
For whatever reason, I knew you'd probably be thinking that or be concerned about sharing too much. It's understandable.
I'm still OP. I didn't leave the thread. I was about to, but then I realized I had misunderstood you completely (when talking about killing me and so on. I think I know what you meant now.)
So how do you fit into all of this, and what measure of control have you experienced yourself as having?
My view of things differs from yours. Alternate timelines - yes, definitely. But I don't believe in Karma (or rather, it doesn't make sense to me). Also, I had never considered whether the universe can die. Which one? I believe in parallel universes, so I suppose they can collapse and get created all the time.
My episode gave me some really weird experiences that I interpreted as insanity at the time. The more I read and follow the trail of information that presents itself to me, the more I realize it was more of a rude
spiritual awakening than mental illness per se.
What I experienced was myself as the only being in existence. There was nothing outside of me. I took that to mean that I, too, wasn't real. It just meant I was experiencing myself as everything there is, everywhere.
Then there was the issue of time - there was no sense of continuity between days. I would wake up exactly where I had fallen asleep and immediately freak out because I knew it was not the same place. Has this ever happened to you?
With me, it was as if someone had lifted the veil and shown me the source code, but I couldn't follow and felt very disturbed and upset. The whole experience is like a huge .zip of information that I'm still extracting and putting together piece by piece.
Did something similar happen to you to get you to know what you know now?
>>17779287
> you basically made is impossible for anyone to prove that you're still you
Impossible for anyone but me, I suppose.
>>17779345
>killing me
Yeah there was no other way for me to communicate that. It wasn't personal or anything, and honestly it has nothing to do with you. I was hoping you'd understand the vast emptiness I deal with, but no such luck. For whatever reason, there doesn't appear to be any being in the universe that can both understand my emptiness and is near enough to be able to actually do something about it. I think that capacity might have been evolved out of the species already and I'm just an anomaly.
>how do you fit into all of this
I don't, that's the problem. That's why it's so horrible for me to exist. This universe is basically ripping my soul apart by tethering so many fates to me. I don't know why the tension hasn't ripped my body and mind apart, or why I haven't given up and killed myself to end the cycle of suffering, but it hasn't happened yet. For some reason I can bear the karmic weight of the multiverse without completely losing sanity and intelligibility.
>what measure of control have you experienced yourself as having
It varies depending on how I interact with the world around me. Sometimes it's just really powerful LoA, but I also have tons of skills relating to forceful manipulation of the population. The other day I was thinking about making a thread telling /x/ that I have the sole power to create the type of surveillance state we're all afraid of. I know such a system will inevitably be misused and abused far more than it can ever benefit any one person or group of people, so I basically spend my days trying to pretend that I don't have any influence at all.
I hope you can understand how that's a CIA thing to ask me. I don't mind answering, but it's important for you to understand what's happening here. Whether you work for the CIA or not is more or less irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. If the CIA has the resources to be this open and to ask people like me questions like that in a public forum, that means as much as anon doing it.
>
>>17779391
Exactly. The screenshot helps, but it can be faked as you probably already know.
>>17779345
>it doesn't make sense to me
Karma is when you decide to pay back whatever has wronged or righted you. It happens because we push it forward, not because the universe does. This is how karma works on the astral plane as well, from what I've heard. Never been there myself.
>Which one?
Exactly! We don't always know the answer to that, so if you do things wrong, trillions of entities can feel despair and suffering that all gets channeled haphazardly back in your direction. But yes, that's exactly the right question. It's hard to answer just because there's no inherently shared coordinates between universes. You can't say, "Oh it's three doors on the left," unless you've already created a portal to that universe, in which case you've already bonded their fates via the portal itself. They no longer exist as separate universes, but are tied at the intersection point. Being able to navigate to a world basically makes is part of the world you came from. This is the origin of the age old concept of a world veil, from which the modern notion of a veil between the physical and the astral comes.
I could sense that you were the type to ask the right questions, I just got my hopes up that you'd be able to ask the right questions of my soul itself. I guess I was hoping for too much, but there really was no other way to communicate that sentiment, and you definitely deserve honesty at this point.
Like, you literally deserve honesty if none of this was true and it was all made up and you're a CIA spook. It's the willingness to exhibit your identity that matters here, whether that identity is real or not. I don't know if it's worse to actually modify the timeline to create someone with your life's story or if it's better to create the CIA, with all its horrible history, just to create a one-thread personal psyop.
You're pretty much the only one who can decide if either is better.
>>17779345
>collapse and get created all the time
Yes and no. Since their chronology has no inherent connection to our own, you can say that they happen "at any moment," but this is just part of the illusion of continuous time. There are specific things that create, destroy, or diverge universes, and it's a pretty rare event, all things considered. When it does happen, though, it tends to happen simultaneously across history. Usually.
>more of a rude spiritual awakening than mental illness
Definitely. Mine was much the same thing. I guess mine wasn't traumatic in any way, or, well, not traumatic in any normal sense of being traumatic. It was definitely memorable though.
>I took that to mean that I, too, wasn't real.
Interesting. The fact that you took it that way shows that there is an explicit diversity among souls. I don't have first-hand evidence that you exist, so while I'm aware of the implications, they don't actually exist for me unless I physically meet you. For the most part you're the only one here who can truly use my interpretation of your interpretation of that event. Other anons can believe it, but whether or not they should it entirely up to them. Nobody can decide what you ought to believe at any point in any timeline.
>Has this ever happened to you?
Nope! But I wish it had. I'm mad jelly of experience like that. I'm pretty much untouchable, so stuff like that doesn't really work for me. I'm too bonded to reality to get that kind of sensation for myself.
Come to think of it, there might be other parts of your chronology that get lost when you "return" to this world/continuity. You might have that feeling precisely because it's the objective truth of your subjective experiences, and this universe just has a way of lying about things that didn't happen here.
>lifted the veil and shown me the source code
I kind of understand that a bit. I had a moment where I felt like the universe was open to me, and I could step through time and space if I so chose.
>>17779345
>like a huge .zip of information
Hehehe, yeah... Basically the information is so compressed that you can't just take it as is. You have to unpack it for it to make sense again. Good on you for following the chain.
I don't really want to talk about what happened to me, if it's all the same to you. Everything I've said so far is just general information, inspecific to me.
I'm gonna go eat and watch Soul Eater but I'll keep thread open and auto-watch for replies.
>>17779399
> I was hoping you'd understand the vast emptiness I deal with, but no such luck.
I told you I've experienced myself as literally the only being ever, anywhere. I think it might be a similar feeling. As for killing me - of course it didn't have anything to do with me, I just did't get it immediately. You had to start talking about timelines for it to dawn on me.
What are other people to you? I'm struggling with that. Sometimes I manage to see others as sovereign beings, sometimes I just see them as my own projections.
>CIA
Nope. I've never even been in the States. Plus, I wouldn't worry about them. I've been contemplating the existence of ailiens and, according to what I've read, this planet is under extraterrestrial control. I have no direct experience of any of this, so I can't claim I know shit.
>Multiverse
I really don't believe my actions can cause suffering for beings in other universes. Don't they have their own path, their own will? Why should I be able to affect them negatively to such an extent, unwillingly at that? And if that's the case, how do they affect me?
>The Astral
Never been either. I expect I'll visit it at some point in the near future. I lost my abillity to lucid dream shortly after I got it, and I couldn't even remember my dreams for years. I can't meditate properly. So, sadly, the astral plane it off limits to me as well :/
>>17779473
>What are other people to you?
I'm Chrona; I don't know how to deal with etc.
>planet is under extraterrestrial control
I've met another who believed that. They seemed pretty informed, but I have my doubts. Guy is a big dick though. I guess that's par for the course as far as actual spiritualists go.
I doubt the CIA could do shit to actually protect us from ET intervention.
>Don't they have their own path, their own will?
Somewhat. Fate is flexible, always has been. Suffice to say there are people (like me) that don't want to set their own fate. The problem in my case is that I'm extremely picky and don't have any qualms with destroying universes that engineer a shitty fate for me. None at all.
Suffice to say, if fates could never entwine, emotion wouldn't exist at all. Our fates and wills would be pure as stone.
>Why should I be able to
It's not you, it's me. Saying that I shouldn't be allowed to help people psychologically results in at least on faction forming in our immediate future that will go to any lengths to ensure that nobody is ever able to believe that you're the OP. It's virtually impossible to interact with me on a personal basis without declaring war on *SOMETHING*. I'd have warned you in advance, but... There was no other way to have this interaction. (Or maybe there was, but since I didn't see it at the time, fuck everyone.)
>how do they affect me?
The only effect I can see is that they might warp your soul a bit and retroactively cause your life to be a bit traumatic. In the original timeline, I might have said 90% of the same things I said in this one, but the premise of our interactions would be entirely different. Maybe I was OP in the original version of events and you were the curious anon that happened to be on at the time and were willing to have your life rewritten to accept certain kinds of responsibility. As you said, it'll be awhile before this compressed archive is fully unpacked.
I don't know what you are at all yet.
>>17779473
>can't meditate properly
Again, it's all about acceptance. It doesn't really matter what path your thoughts take, so long as you feel better at the end of it. Your intention for your meditation sessions is top notch as it is, I'm sure you'll be fine. Honestly, you don't sound damaged right now at all. Cautiously curious, but not paranoid.
>>17779451
> I just got my hopes up that you'd be able to ask the right questions of my soul itself
Sorry :/ If you want to share something, do I have to ask first or can you just say it? Some people believe in a law that forbids them from sharing what hasn't been asked so as to not disturb a person's path.
>you might have that feeling precisely because it's the objective truth of your subjective experiences
It all has to do with continuity and time. You said it yourself - it's not linear. Forgot to mention - to me, reality is entirely mental and subjective. So there isn't a physical place where I'm at, then I fall asleep, then I'm asleep, then I wake up in the same place. I create that continuity in order to be able to have a regular human experience. When I was going through my "rude awakening", I knew it was an illusion, I could tell something was extremely off with the contuity. Things still work the same way for me now, but since I've chosen to be a regular human, I create and percieve continuity on autopilot like most other people and I don't mess with that.
> The fact that you took it that way shows that there is an explicit diversity among souls.
I think there is, but then we're all the same being (the one I experienced myself as), so that's pretty confusing to me.
>I don't really want to talk about what happened to me
That's quite alright, no worries.
> the chain
I love it.I love experiencing synchronicity in general, it's the only sign I've got that I'm doing something good for myself and am in the right state of mind.
>>17779517
> not damaged
I'm both perfectly healthy and balanced and completely traumatized and crippled. I can access both states and anything in between, not always at will. It really depends on what my attention is on. You're right about acceptance. It's just, I've always had a hard time accepting anything as it is, least of all myself, and I am very impatient on top of it. So I need to work on that further.
>>17779510
> CIA and aliens
If my theory is true, the CIA and governments in general are like puppet local rulers. We're something along the lines of a colony, they were put in place in order to keep us in check, but they still answer to higher authority. So not only can they not protect us, they'll serve us on a platter. But that's just based on books like "The Terra Papers". If the author is talking out their ass, so am I. Many people believe it though, I'm surprised you haven't encountered more.
> affecting other beings
oh that was such a cool thing to read, thank you! And I wasn't saying you shouldn't be allowed to help people psychologically. I was talking about unconsciously affecting other beings in other timelines through seemingly mundane acts negatively. Like when I said I can't expect viable advice from you (sorry about that, it was all cause of my initial confusion) and you said I had ended trillions of lives. Why would I (or you) have that power?
> Chrona
And now I have to figure out what Soul Eater is.
> destroying universes
how do you jump from a universe you don't like and wish to destroy to something that's more according to your preference?
> flexible fate
oh yeah, 100% agreed. But how is it possible for you to not set your fate at all?
I'll be heading to bed, it's 2:35 AM here and I'm tired. I'll keep this tab open for the next 10mins or so in case you respond. I'll be here tomorrow in case you wanna continue this conversation. It's been really interesting and a pleasure, thank you! Have a great day/night :)
>>17779521
>sharing what hasn't been asked
Yeah, you can pretty much direct someone's fate by doing that. Being spiritually awakened means that you judge all information by your own means. Until you are fully synchronized with yourself, any information I give you might be given undue weight in your mind. Thinking one part of existence is any more important than any other part of existence is what leads to faiths, religions, organizations, unity, and ultimately a lessening of free will. Sometimes that's exactly what the world needs but most of the time it's just another useless anti-life cult. (Life is just a surrogate for free will.)
>like most other people
Most people aren't conscious of the manifestation of reality, in any way. Not even spiritualists are always aware that reality must be manifest for reality to manifest/exist.
>the same being
Not everything that's made up of atoms is an atom.
Composition isn't really an identity unless you're an elemental being.
>the only sign
The only external sign. Don't rely on the world to do your meditation for you.
>>17779602
>I am very impatient
That can help you if you know how to use it. All you have right now are tools, and the one tool that controls all the others is your mind. It'll be either a channel for your own will or someone else's.
>surprised you haven't encountered more
The world is afraid to let me believe what I want. I can deviate at any time and look up any information I want, but I don't because I'm trying to help create a stable reality/universe/path to mass awakening. If I just go by world-state default, I only run into canonically "safe" beliefs. Basically I'm a conduit for people that are afraid to process things for themselves. (Of which there are many.)
>have that power?
Not power, influence. Power is when you can do it of your own volition. Influence is when you control the strands of fate between here and there. I have too much influence over the strands of fate, to the point where even if I
>
Is this a tomoko thread or something?
>>17779634
... if say I have too much influence, there's nothing the universe can do to change that. All reacting to the statement will do will change the composition of my influence without attacking the root of the problem. It's the fact that I can talk about weaving universal fates with a straight face that makes any of my influence possible. The fact that I don't break down under the weight of the universe is apparently rare in this universe.
TL;DR: Basically people are too stupid to not talk about me. They're not comfortable with me having this much influence but they're not comfortable with taking enough of my responsibilities onto themselves to really make an impact and change it.
Honestly though, trillions isn't much. 99% of the damage is undone by continuing this conversation. The butterfly effects of that interaction aren't hard to re-thread. All it takes is one time traveler willing to come back in time and pretend to be the OP to stop the damage from spreading any further. We've already had these interactions, so all that's left to work out are the technicalities of the butterflies. It happens pretty naturally, I'm just hyperaware of it. (Which compounds the problem significantly.)
>>17779602
>Soul Eater
It's an anime. Fairly popular, is on Netflix, etc.
>jump from a universe
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>implying I don't kill myself along with it
On higher orders of magnitude I'm already a kishin.
(Referring to a specific line from the anime. You'll know the one. (With ~20% wrong guesses along the way.))
>how is it possible for you to not set your fate at all?
It isn't.
That's why I hate the structure of continuity in this universe.
And goodnight anon. See you when I see you.
>>17779640
One bump for OP.
>>17774508
Schizoid
>>17777777
>>17781222
OP come back. Don't go (insane).
OP, you don't have to suffer like this. Antipsychotics helped me a lot. Give them a chance.
>>17777695
Actually, I'm better than ever. I came out stronger than I could have imagined, and now I am getting ready for the greatest birthday I've ever had.
>>17783272
I think that's why we go through these things. Not everyone does, and it seems like you lose everything, but it must just be a part of being chosen for greatness.
>>17783275
>seems like you lose everything
You never really do unless you off yourself or die.
>>17774508
You're schizophrenic and your drug trip allowed you to talk to your other subconscious personalities.
>>17779656 here.
Bump if you're still there, OP.
>>17774508
>just information: "trauma".
Have you considered that they weren't saying that the dreams were given to you to create trauma? That they were saying the dreams were a manifestation of your trauma?
That seems to make sense to me since everything else you got from them was an insight into your childhood. And it doesn't go against what you've written because it would be another answer to the question "why did I have these dreams?"
Having a depressed mother can be traumatic for a child, especially if they are highly emotional. It can screw up the dependent-caretaker relationship and put a lot of pressure on a child, making them feel responsible for the well-being of the caretaker instead of the other way around. You may have had terrible anxiety that your love wasn't enough to make your mother happy and there wasn't really much else you could do for her. And maybe you resented her for being visibly depressed when she had a child to take care of.
Either way, consider the possibility that they weren't telling you they gave you the dreams as much as they were explaining why you had them. I don't think dreams cause trauma as often as they express the negative experiences you have when you're awake that you can't process consciously.
Hope you're okay, OP.
If you download yourself in a dream, you download my load onto your face.
