the Handy Handjobs edition
>Ongoing/Upcoming Tournaments
http://www.hltv.org/events/upcoming/
http://www.gosugamers.net/counterstrike
>Competitive News
http://www.hltv.org
>Wiki
http://wiki.teamliquid.net/counterstrike/Main_Page
>PUG Services
[FREE] http://cevo.com/event/cs-globaloffensive/downloads
[FREE] http://www.faceit.com
[PAID BOTNET] http://play.esea.net
>Betting/Trading/Item Related
http://i-am-fat.org/csgo-skins/
http://goaggro.com
http://csgolounge.com
http://csgobackpack.net
http://www.gosugamers.net
Always inspect in game, always assume the worst. Bet what you can afford to lose and most importantly always do the opposite of what /csgog/ says.
>Game Mechanic Info
Money System: http://i.imgur.com/dp4ZIQ0.jpg
Damage Chart: http://www.schuzak.jp/cs-go/dmgchart.html
Recoil Mechanics: http://twowordbird.com/articles/csgo-recoil-mechanics
>Ranks & Stats
http://csgo-stats.com
http://i.imgur.com/gctfTNd.png
https://i.imgur.com/rriiaoz.jpg
http://www.hltv.org/?pageid=183&gameid=2
http://www.gosugamers.net/counterstrike/rankings#team
>Game Enhancements
Config Tool: http://csgohelp.com/autoexec
Crosshair: http://csgohelp.com/crosshair
HUD: http://www.spddl.de/csgo_english-txt/csgo_multi-txt
mongol edition
>Watching Streams
Livestreamer: http://livestreamer.readthedocs.org/en/latest
Livestreamer Guide: https://i.imgur.com/7u6wAGm.jpg
Open Source Twitch Chat: http://sourceforge.net/projects/getchatty
>How to git gud
Do this EVERYDAY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlCRfTmBSGs [Embed]
Watch this EVERYDAY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUgKRtAJqwU [Embed]
>Useful websites and maps/How to practice
Read and watch everything here:http://pastebin.com/zTwcpC1q
reminder to vote in csgogs knife skine poll
http://strawpoll.me/6479845
>http://strawpoll.me/6479845
http://strawpoll.me/6479845
>http://strawpoll.me/6479845
reminder to vote in csgogs knife skine poll
I recently started playing Csgo because I love watching Competetive Games (leagueoflegends 24/7 <3). Csgo is also, such an awesome Game and I really enjoy playing it, especially Matchmaking with my Friends. Im not that good yet, because its my first time playing a Shooter/FPS Game. I got ranked into Silver 4. Beside the fact that I dont understand the Elo ranking system (I win three/four MM in a row have a positive Kda ,but never get higher - I loose one -> instantly get demoted, but maybe im just not good enough, so its ok) I think the biggest problem in my opinion is the Attitude in the lower Elo. In 90% of my games is someone Afk, someone starts flaming, people troll or everyone sounds like a 10 year kid with an Aids Mic. Dont get me wrong, ofc they can't be Pros with Super Headsets,sick Internet connections and sick Mechanics,but I dont understand why there is always a hard lagging/perma dc'ing Teammate, or somebody that wants to get kicked and trolls. And it seems like those People dont really care about beeing banned when they play with knowing they can Dc. Also, I dont really know what Valve can do with that. Maybe I just had a unlucky streak and I dont have as much Afk's as I do now when I play more (16 MM wins atm). Would be nice if you tell me a little more about your experiences and what rank you are :). Im looking at LolReddit like 100 times a day and im New to this Reddit and dont know a sh*t . Sorry for my bad English btw, not a native Speaker.
first for boypussy
Lads when should I use these scenario/objective-specific guns?:
>pp-bizon
>cz75
>sawed-off and novainb4 never
animemes
>>128001243
>bizon
light buy after pistol round
>cz
eco; try to catch someone off guard
>sawed off
never
>nova
light buy after pistol round
>>128001517
>light buy after pistol round
as who? pistol round winning or losing team?
winning might go pistol and smg, losing might pistol rush before i can spray the bizon enough or get the nova to cooperate
Greetings
we in here
What's the deal with M4A4 skins? The FN look the exact same as MW, i.e. scratched to shit.
>>128001649
>winning might go pistol and smg
meant *kevlar and smg
>>128001243
>bizon
might as well use a glock
>>128001649
pistol round after winning team ofc since they're they ones who can afford it
>>128001734
just how the skine is. same as the famas
everybody looks at my a4 skines and ask if its ft when its fn though gets on my nerves
>>128001879
but it's 1400 bucks from losing?
if you got kills or didn't buy much pistol then you could even get kevlar + bizon/nova?
>>128002123
It's horseshit tho senpai. Why shell out for an M4A4 skin if the shitty ones, like Daimyo, aren't scratched and the "nice" ones look BS.
>>128002585
luckily, the best a4 skin looks great fn.
>ask for drop
>get 5 7/tec9 instead of CZ
basilisk a4 when
>>128002778
>asking for a meme gun
>>128002932
t. shitter
>>128002778
But 5-7 is the best pistol in the game
>>128002980
t. bigger shitter
>go to /g/
>they're still shilling their intellimeme
why is that board so shit?
>>128003068
t. shitter who needs to runngun and spam
put your head in a noose and jump off a table
>tfw didnt reach global before welfare ranks ended
>tfw will soon lose my smfc
>tfw wont ever be global
KILL
ME
>>128003138
I see no problem in shilling for the best mouse in the world desu.
>>128003202
t. shitter who will never break DMG while I sit comfortably at GE and in the Masters league
>>128003352
t. shitter who is both unfunny and unskilled
How does it feel looking at the winner of the next major?
>>128003489
based golden god
>>128003489
t. shitter who might as well give up on life at this point
>>128003496
feels good
>>128001243
>bizon
never, the only smg you should ever buy is the ump
>cz75
never, alternatives are way better
>sawed-off
never
>nova
holding b dust 2
>>128003897
>gnm giving hints
more like CLOWNTER STRIKE am i right fellers
>>128003897
hello reddit nova pro
name it /csgog/
>>128001243
bizon never
cz is a team weapon, if you have a team its god tier for certain strats, but in random pugs and mm its too weak because you rarely get more than a single kill
sawed off is hostie maps only
nova is a good anti eco weapon on certain maps because of the economy boost
occasionally it has play in the most desperate of force buys
>>128004228
nigger juicer
>>128004228
cum in my boipussy
more like cs 1.6/10
amiright?
>>128003496
>tfw cuckraisers wont even qualify for the qualifier
Cuckher btfo
>>128004228
AWP | Dragonlore
>>128004135
Pros of UMP:
Cheapest smg on CT side and second cheapest on T side (1200$)
600$ per kill
more accurate while jumping and on ladders compared to the P90
way easier recoil (just pull down like with the m4a1-s and no NOT try to compensate for the horizontal left right movement at the end of the spray, the weapon will do that itself.
almost similar time to kill compared to the p90
greater effective range against armor (400u) compared to the p90 (250u) - 60% more. Greatest effective range against armor among the smgs.
Cons of the ump:
Smallest magazine (25 bullets) among the smgs
Pros of the P90:
Bigger magazine (50 bullets)
Fastest time to kill at point-blank range by a very small margin
Cons of the P90:
No addition kill reward (300$)
relativley hard and random recoil
way too expensive (2350$)
enemies have armor:
bizon is utter shit
ump is as good as a famas until 400u
0u-249u: P90 kills 10ms faster than the ump
250u-399u: Ump kills 60ms faster than the p90
400u-..._ P90 kills 30ms faster but engaging with an SMG at such distance is retarded
enemies have no armor:
ump is always better than the P90
MP7 is slightly better than the ump from 150u to 460u
>>128004214
i dont even use the nova tbqh the automatic is way better
ayo f
>>128004228
i'm a girl. pls notice.
>>128004617
>not even a mention of mp9/mac10
kek
>>128004617
kill yourself
>>128004705
sure just subscribe and enter !raffle to participate in the giveaway
what if i say i'm not like the others?
>>128004831
already did u didn't message me back s
should it exist?
>>128004832
what if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
>>128005395
ye
Why do so many pros change their settings constantly? s1mple for example, if you are already super good then why do you feel the need to change your crosshair all the time?
>>128005482
because it doesnt make that big of a difference and its fun to mess around
>>128005452
it shouldn't
anime was a mistake
Any of you play in SEA? I live in Indonesia and usually connects to Singapore, but now Volvo added servers in other part Asia and it fucked me ad my ping, got queued with Russians severeal times
Setting maximum ping for MM doesn't help somtimes, what do?
>>128006038
flush yourself
>>128006142
dunk yourself
>>128006163
dumpster yourself
>9-2-2 at MGE
>still going against 4-stacks of MG2 players
gotards??
>>128006142
Pls help, I usually get 50 now it's 80 at best
>>128006492
have you tried the server picker
http://csgo.gamebanana.com/tools/5684
>>128006563
Wew thanks lad, now I'm gonna trying to crawl back to MGE
>>128007273
flush yourself
>>128006441
stop getting carried maybe
>>128007350
dunk yourself
>>128007537
>top fragging every game
???????
>>128007678
Yeah sure
why tf does shroud play with just nine n?
>>128005668
>>128005452
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7uUzeUiQ_8
>>128008212
kill yourself human garbage
fucking derankers man fucking kill yourself fuck off FUCK OFF DO IT AS FIVE DONT WASTE MY FUCKING TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCKING RUSSIANS MAN WHY WHY WHY CANT THEY HAVE THEIR OWN FUCKING SERVER THEYRENOT HUMAN THEYRE NOT ON EVEN GROUNDS WITH REAL EUROPEANS THEY CANT BE ALLOWED TO BREATH THE SAME AIR OR PLAY ON THE SAME SERVER
7 out of 10 7 out of 10 fucking losses derank duos DUOS THEYRE WASTING THE TIME OF THREE ABSOLUTELY SUPERIOR BEINGS THREE ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS
>>128008213
>there are people who watch this
>who look forward to a new episode of this
holy fuck we should start building concentration camps again for these degenerates
>>128008006
www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x3PFvuxOBQ&t=1m22s
>>128008608
dont build anything for them just hurl them directly in a landfill
>>128008758
isnt that how australia started?
>join mm
>after 2 rounds one guy just starts ghosting
>kick him
>3 rounds later, other guy buys shotgun, shoots me in the face with it in spawn and gets a 30 min cooldown
fucking why
why can this be done with no punishment whatsoever
>shroud getting shat on by eagles in MM
gotards?
>>128008725
?????
>>128009106
he does it again he gets 2 hours, then a day, then 7 days.
>>128001065
is csgoskin.net legit? I wanna spin for free skins.
Hey plebs :^)
>warmup ends
>1 guy doesnt connect
>match begins like nothing happened
gotards??????????
>>128010203
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
>>128010104
yeah. it's pretty good
me irl
Is Dazed streaming today anyone got any inside info?
im thorin ama
im moe ama
>>128011203
give 9 analogies for csgog lyf
>nu hellraisers getting fucken destroyed
thats what happens when no dosia
>>128011203
why do you justify being an asshole as just "banter"
At some point it stops being banter and becomes who you are
>>128012029
polack spotted
>>128012029
can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen
why are 30k people watching this MOOP?
why does shroud get 27k viewers
i can watch his stream for like maybe 10 minutes tops b4 i get bored
>>128013105
friendship simulation, same as pewdiepie
>shroud giggling
>"I dont think I've ever laughed so hard!"
He must have a rough life
>>128013346
not everyone laughs like a fucking hyena when they find something funny
i can find something funny as fuck but outwardly i'm just smiling
the amount of times i've laughed in my life in that loud "HAHAHAHAHAH" fashion can be counted with the fingers of one hand
>>128013346
why don't you mind your own business you scrotum
this is officially shroud general
please fuck off if you're not talking about shroud or shroud associated topics
tfw youre so oldfag that you remember MEclipse
SHroud is so fucking boring
why do people watch shroud??????
literally reddit the streamer
>>128013951
post the pic of the tranny he fucked
>>128013872
I'm sorry to hear that, anon. I hope life gets better for you.
>>128014106
fucking a guy is gay
https://youtu.be/LdjOGFEJNFY?t=147\
>Olof streaming
THANK CHRIST
Why do people not want to watch the best in the world
>>128014634
true
but there's nothing wrong with being gay
>>128014870
olof ain't #1 anymore senpai
>>128014920
there's nothing wrong with being gay, but there's something wrong about gays
>>128014870
thanks for telling me fammie
>>128014850
Why didn't CLG bring out one of their real pros like tarik
>>128014920
human garbage kill yourself you need to burn alive
>>128015271
Why are you so mad? What's wrong with being gay?
gotards?
>>128015924
flush yourself
how do I rank up again after this huge derank? I went from GN2 to Silver 2...
>>128015971
ourest of our guys
>>128015971
UUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM??????????????
>>128015971
now thats what I call a real man
Have Faceit/ESL/CEVO etc said anything about the permabanned guys? As in, will they be able to play, just not in majors?
>>128016501
their stance is banned from major tournaments no longer banned from pugs
>>128015971
EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?
>>128016501
ESL is with ESEA and they've said they will be unbanned from pugs and scrims but not from league play. Faceit and CEVO haven't said anything, so I'm guessing when the ban is up there, they can play league? They do seem the more lenient on them since they can already play pugs and FPL while banned.
>>128016501
I think only ESEA said something about is so far. https://play.esea.net/index.php?s=forums&d=topic&id=725812
>>128001065
>unnatural high-contrast finger wrinkles
>hideous af uncut nails
>gamer-tier pale skin
legit why did they have to fuck up the hands
reminder that traps are not gay
>>128017574
You'll get used to it, just like with the new animations and sounds
>>128004617
>ump is only good smg
>better compared to p90
>compared to p90
>compared to p90
>...however shit compared to mp7 etc
soo... it's literally only better than the p90, which is specialized gun that you can't really compare with others (such as the bizon itself)?
wow.
>>128017636
reminder to kill yourself
>>128017636
they're gay and disgusting
be normal and go after cute boys instead you fucking tranny loving freak
>>128017574
>why don't terrorist have nice nails
wew lad
>>128017792
kill yourself honestly ==b
>>128017976
bys
>>128017753
i get volvo is trying to make their shitty game look modern and compete with annual latest-gen releases like cod, to try to still appeal to kiddies who don't want to play a game because "muh grafix"
but they really fucked up this time and made the hands look worse. gloves better, but arms are shit. gj volvo
>>128018030
dunk yourself
what's wrong with being gay?
what's wrong with loving man meat?
tell me, magog
FUCK MY LIFE
RIP SKINS
>>128018426
human garbage I will fucking push your face into the dirt and spit in your mouth kill yourself
>>128012723
Truly mentally ill
>>128018495
>losing 7:8 on CT train, your map pick
also why would you bet on 96% odds
>>128018926
had too many skines in inventory i didn't want to bet
went for ez win to move it over to returns
>hitting crouch before you jump makes you jump higher
why the FUCK didn't you fuckboys tell me this I'll suck a dick I'm so fucking angry
>>128018924
Why do you say that anon?
>Nebula Crusader
Why is this skin so good?
>>128019114
suck mine~
>>128019114
>>128019330
human garbage apply for chemical castration
what shall i call my hack account lads?
>>128019114
>I've known this since the year 2000 playing half life one.
How is it even possible not to know this?
roast me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU1pKSpLZl4
post some god damn bangers friends
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c9ZlkEzc6M
>>128019708
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZQbkHqnmz0
https://imgur.com/a/hlOyr
>>128019114
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb8v2HvdMC0
this is you
another game with derank duo, that makes 3 in a row and 9 out of 12 losses on them.
system is certainly working as intended
>>128020618
33 seconds in and i have already got aids
this will be the worst 9.3 minutes of my life
am i less likely to get paired with duo queuers when i duo queue myself? Aside from there being one less random.
i just dont know what to do anymore against these derankers
>>128020578
nsy
>tfw dropping a 42 bomb and losing due to derankers
im gonna stay a smurf forever why did i have to stop playing for 2 months reeeeeeeeeeeee
>>128019114
>mfw I didn't know this until a couple of years ago but have always intuitively done it thanks to hours and hours spent autistically kzing
>>128021825
this happened to me, I started off smurfing at mg1 and now I decided to rank my smurf up to le or so I actually cant rank it up
meanwhile my main is stable ge
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebhuj_6gSB8
>>128021825
I think valve fucked up with the elo decay. If you've been inactive for like ~2 months you'll drop around 6 ranks when you get a rank back and it's too much
>>128022124
dunk yourself my man
>>128021825
>trying with derankers on the team
you cant win a 3v5, its not even a 3v5 since they will start teamkilling as soon as you get close
>>128015971
>>128016069
Dazed has always been our guy
>>128022460
I think valve fucked up the ranks more than just decay actually, it looks like the entire distribution is fucked and is going too low
gonna be like a month before it settles probably
>>128022581
>reddit tab
just like you and me bruddah
FRONT YARD
BROAD DAY
WITH THE SK
>>128022581
god I want trump to get elected so bad it would be so fucken entertaining
>>128001065
can someone give me a falchion key?
>>128022846
sent ;)
>>128022984
my name is "MLGKUSHxxxOvErLoRd420xx"
please send.
https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffer/new/?partner=106518549&token=InrMuYlB
valve should just admit that some people are simply worth more than others.
in votes to kick and surrender first worlders should get 2 votes, or 2nd world tier trash half a vote. It just cant be that a random russian child has the same say as a swede. 2 russian kiddies can stop 3 gods from deciding whatever they want.
This just cant be allowed to continue.
>>128023176
dunk yourself
>>128022616
>was gn4
>just below average
>now gn1
>just below average
i see no issue here
>>128023185
swedish votes should be worthless desu
can't trust a modern day swede, they might be a poc
>>128023313
spotted the russian beet farming faggot
>>128023305
their stated goal was to make rank distrituon symmetric around gn4, right now its actually well below that
>>128023185
sweden will be 3rd world in a few years so agree
sorry senpai but you likely aren't even white
>Come back after long break
>Be absolute shit
>Practice hard
>Get gud
>Get bored
>Stop playing
>Repeat
>>128018912
hot
>queue with three other anime avatars
>the random we get talks shit about anime in the warmup
>mfw we're deranking and by round 5 he's begging us to kick him
>tell him we'll kick him if he says sorry
>make him apologise to each one of our waifus one by one
>go afk in spawn without kicking him
>16-0 loss
>>128024543
please PLEASE kill yourself
>>128023741
leap into a meat grinder
>>128024543
dunk yourself
>>128024543
its true what they say about animes being bullied irl and using anime as an escape, its also true that animes have shitty personalities and online act like this when they can hide from their physical and social reality
>>128024543
how many times a day do you get beat up senpai
>>128024619
>>128024762
>>128024886
>>128025343
>>128025343
most of the animes on csgog have moved past the youth anime + getting bullied phase and have moved on to a more reclusive neet/failure phase
>>128024543
based anime bro
>>128025394
fys
https://twitter.com/coL_SEMPHIS/status/666547002768007168
>>128024543
This makes me want to pound your boipussy so badly
>>128025394
dunk yourself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LUDY1Bn5rQ
7m in this video
>>128026032
me irl
Is there any way to download a GOTV replay of a game you're currently spectating from the Watch tab?
I ask mostly because Olofmeister is playing a game now where he got a webm-worthy knife kill.
>>128027319
yes but its complicated and involves all kinds of console commands
>>128027319
some guy on reddit will prob post it before you even try to figure it out
>use to play CS all the time
>quit for months
>Play with friend and quit at half time because Im bored of playing the same map
>is this what growing up feels like?
>>128027382
humor me
>>128027454
probably, but it's probably a good idea to learn it anyway for next time
>>128027675
no I just know its possible and involves like 6 commands, I dont actually know how to do it
>>128026932
the hair looks a hell of a lot better desu
>>128027562
nope thats just depression
>>128024543
>>128025394
Had it coming, redditor faggots deserve what you did.
>>128028392
flush yourself
teamgamerfood cheat is a lot better now
>>128028429
t. anti-anime redditor
>>128028796
neck yourself
>>128028796
dumpster yourself
bored
>>128028782
dunk yourself
>128028838
>128028869
Thanks for the (You)s reddit
@128029003
no prob fám
>>128026932
m-maybe we should stop calling him pige
I just got an overwatch ban from casual what the fuck is this
>>128029140
incredibly low quality bait.
take this (You)
So C9 has already been practicing with their new 5th and yet I haven't heard anyone leak yet who it is
How is this possible
>>128026932
;-;
>>128029392
>get a burner account
>dont tell people who you are
not hard
>>128029736
hmm i guess that's possible but i'd assume whoever this 5th is he has been playing scrims with c9 just on his main acc and the teams they have scrimmed against simply haven't leaked it due to integrity or some shit
>>128029208
csgog was one of the few places sticking up for fnatic not only during the handshake incident (which was perfectly reasonable for fnatic) and also during the boost
the boost drama was just our guys spam in the general
reddit were the bullies as they always have been
>>128029990
there were quite a few salty frogs here when the boost happened
>>128030114
thats only because reddit raids our general during tournaments
Why does every pro that lifts a lot seem so dumb? pasza, freakazoid, that ryx guy are like all aim, no brain.
>>128030316
have you ever been to a gym? the meathead stereotype is there for a reason. intelligent lifters are the exception
>>128030316
stereotypes always have grain of truth to them, they wouldn't otherwise become prevalent
and everyone knows the "dumb meathead" stereotype
>>128029392
It's Tarik isn't it? Steel and shahzam both said it, then there's that Skype chat he showed on stream.
>>128030483
no tarik has vehemently denied it
are gamesacademy our guys?
>>128030316
i honestly think freakazoid is borderline retarded
>>128030114
>there were quite a few salty frogs here when the boost happened
in the thread during the game people were just spamming MEME BOOST all the time
>>128030845
he looks high 24/7 if you watch his stream, there's something about him
>>128030845
he's definitely like a 90 iq guy
>can't cancel refunds
what the fuck valve
>>128030845
>>128031306
>>128031408
I'd let him plow me
>>128032053
human garbage
rip gaydian
>>128032053
Then you have bad standards and you're probably ugly
>>128032197
>implying 98% of men/women attracted to men wouldn't let him do them
>>128032484
he looks like my psychopath cousin so I wouldnt
>>128032536
tell us more about your psycho cousin
