Let's predict what'll happen at Microsoft's E3 show.
Dead Rising 4
>>340725719
[At the Xbox headquarters]
They've been showing nothing but games 2 years in a row, I'll assume this year is also games.
>>340725813
Phil Spencer: [looking at his Microsoft Band while Xbox is mopping the floor] Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. I'm done with my shift, Mr. Nadella!
>>340725896
Phil Spencer: And let me just say, there will come a day when I will make something of the Xbox division,
>>340725986
Phil Spencer: and I will never have to live in the shadow of Windows or PlayStation again! [crowd of Nazis saluting Phil and saying "SIEG HEIL!"]
Satya Nadella: Yeah, we'll see you after your lunch break, Phil.
Phil Spencer: O-okay.
Where did everyone go?
Anyways, I'm guessing they're going to show us a new, more powerful Xbox.
>>340726103
[Phil walks out of the Xbox studio building]By the way, what's the archive site for /v/?
>>340726282
Kaz Hirai: [talking to a group of Sonyggers] So, I just took my private yacht across my private lake to my private heliport made from the profits of the PS4. It's the only way I can play on my private PlayStation.
Phil Spencer: [gasps] Oh, shrimp! It's my arch rival, Kazuo Hirai! I can't let him see me like this!
This isn't funny
>>340726354
Kaz: On your lunch break, eh, Philly?
>>340726449
Phil: Yes... I mean no... I mean... uhh, uhh... Hey, whatcha been up to?
Kaz: Oh, just succeeding in everything you've failed in.
>>340726526
Phil: You are no great shakes, Kaz Hirai! Anyone can be a big shot in an industry like the gaming industry.
>>340725719
More pricing errors and fuckups.
Thanks for the 10$!
>>340726608
Kaz: Oh, is that so? Let's hear how many units the Xbone has sold since last year, Philly.
>>340726401
Shut the fuck up i wanna see where this goes
Dont shit up the thread
>>340726684
Phil: [thinking to himself] Don't be intimidated, Phil. Try to imagine him in his underwear.
>>340726762
Phil: [imagines Kaz as a hot underwear model] Oh, no, he's hot!
>>340726845
Phil: I, uhhh, the Xbox has over 45 million Xbox Live users....
>>340726903
Kaz: Hold it, don't tell me, you stopped reporting on sales entirely because nobody buys your consoles anymore! [laughs. Sonyggers laughs with him]
>>340726696
It's just going to be a lel sony sucks nintendo wins just like this shit was last year
>>340726982
Phil: [thinking to himself] Don't lie. Lying always makes it worse. [to Kaz] We're going to announce a 4K capable, 6 Teraflop console!
Kaz: [as crowd gasps] Phil, I had no idea you had such a powerful console in wraps.
Phil: That's right.
Scalebound. Most likely will reveal locations and characters on the game plus a Scorpio version and release date
>>340727069How many people are lurking this thread? I wanted to make this threader sooner, but last time the stupid mods deleted the thread early in its life.
==============
Kaz: And I would be honored if you would allow me to come to your E3 press show tomorrow morning.
[Sound of glass breaking. Phil's face shrivels up]
Phil: T-t-t-t-t-t-tomorrow morning?
Kaz: In fact, we'll all come. My treat! [Sonyggers cheer.]
>>340727225
[Inside Microsoft headquarters in Satya Nadella's office]
Phil: Please, Satya, you got to help me! When they get here tomorrow, they're going to see the Xbox One is just a big failure and me as a loser.
Satya: Oh, boo-hoo! Let me force you to update your computer Windows 10 without your consent.
>>340727225
Here now go on please
>>340727296
Phil: Mr. Nutella! Please lend me millions of dollars for just one show! I really need to impress Kaz.
Satya: Kah, kah, Kazuo Hirai!? That guy whose company sold 20 million more consoles than the Xbox, selling faster than you wish you could do?
Phil: Don't rub it in.
>>340727373
Satya: Why didn't you tell me? We'll take him to the cleaners.
>>340727440
[The morning before the Microsoft E3 press show, as Phil prepares the show]
Phil: Alright, listen up. Men, Kaz Hirai will be here in twenty minutes. Therefore, we need to turn the Xbox into the best gaming console ever as soon as possible.
>>340727494
[Major Nelson appears next to Xbox wearing a military helmet]
Phil: Major Nelson, what are you doing here?
Major Nelson: I thought the UNSC would help me straighten out my life, sir!
Phil: The UNSC? What the... Larry, this isn't Hal... oh! [sighs] Beggars can't be choosers. Can you do interviews and guide the press in a dignified and sophisticated manner?
Major Nelson: You mean like a shill? Okay!
>>340727567
Phil: You've got the job. [walks off to Satya Nutella] Satya, didn't you once led major projects at Microsoft?
Satya: Aye-aye!
Phil: Then you'll take care of managing the software!
>>340727225
I'm here
>>340727646
Xbox: What can I do?
Phil: I can't believe I'm saying this, but Xbox One, you're going to have to be our main event!
Xbox: What's that?
Phil: It's the biggest surprise at a show, the thing that everyone will leave and talk about.
Xbox: Do other companies do that?
>>340727734
Phil: Yes, they do that! Now listen, Kaz is on his way and you have less than twenty minutes to become a good console, so read this. [hands Xbox a book]
Xbox: "How To Become a Competent Console in Less Than 20 Minutes." Don't worry Phil, I'll memorize every page, right down to the punctuation marks!
>>340727845
[Phil grins while clasping his hands in a merchant-like manner]
Phil: Alright, I've got all the positions filled. I just might pull this off!
>>340727923
Major Nelson: Give me that mic! [shaking YouTube press dummy doll trying to grab the microphone] I said give it to me! Are you going to hand it over or not? Don't you back-sass me! [jumps on it and starts punching it]
>>340727225
Lurking
>>340727979I need you guys to bump this thread too.
Phil: He's just the program director guy, nothing essential! [an explosion behind is heard.]
>>340728072
Phile: What happened? What is it?
Satya: Windows 10!
>>340728145
Phil: [gasps] HOLY FISH PASTE, WHAT IS THAT!?
[Phil Spencer notices a giant poop pile, with flies and other things sticking out of it]
>>340728203
Appetizer bump
>>340728203
Satya: I call it the anniversary "Poo" edition!
Phil: But I thought you said you were the head manager of software once?
Satya: Did I say that? No, I was the head manager of designating poo in Microsoft.
More about their even worse then VR gimmick.
>>340728254
I was the software designer to the unity engine
>>340728254
[Phil Spencer walks out of the room and checks on Xbox]
Phil: There you are! Xbox, you gotta help me! Major Nelson and Satya aren't working out, and Kaz's almost here, and, and... Xbox?
>>340728335
[Phil turns over the Xbox One, noticing that it has several System errors and a red ring of death.]
Xbox: I can't do it. I can't do it, Phil.
Phil: What?
>>340728335
It's ok Xbox. Let's just bring down the resolution a little more. (Resolution lowers). Little more. (Resolution lowers)
>>340725719
Halo 5 PC
New Gears footage
New Forza
Timed exclusivity deal for something
Scalebound gameplay
Tease for big new halo 5 dlc that'll be out when the PC version is - one I'm most hesitant on
Halo wars 2 promotion
Some new casual approaching game
Halo 6 tease
>>340728410
Xbox: Every sentence, every paragraph... [slams the book on its face between each word] Graphics! Framerate! Resolution! Teraflops! Don't you understand?! [smoke starts coming out of Xbox's vents] My CPU is full to bursting! If I have to memorize a single thing, I think I'm gonna EXPLODE! [explodes]
>>340728507
Phil: Xbox, hold on! Let's just take a second here to relax. Now, I want you to defrag your hard drive.
>>340728582
Xbox: Defrag my hard drive?
Phil: Defrag your hard drive.
Xbox: Defrag my hard drive...
Phil: Defrag your hard drive of everything that doesn't have to do with powerful hardware. Powerful hardware and working.
>>340728660
[Inside Xbox's CPU]
>>340728724
Small Xbox: Just got an order from the boss: Dump everything that isn't about powerful hardware!
>>340728785
Underpaid Pajeets: Everything?
Smaller Xbox: Everything!
>>340728854
[The underpaid Pajeets scower to erase everything from Xbox One's functions]
This is so fucking bad holy shit.
How goddamn autistic are you?
>>340728925
Smaller Xbox: Hurry up, Pajeet! What do you think I'm paying you for?
Pajeet: Fuck you motharfuckar India will be superpower by two-towzahnd twenty! We will be ahead of eweryone and be #1
>>340729009
Don't care about the shitposters OP, it's kind of entertaining
>>340728925
Smaller Xbox: One more crack like that and you're out of here!
Pajeet: No, please! I have 13 kids!
>>340729051
>It's kind of entertaining
That's worse to me than the shitposters, honestly.
>>340729064
[Pajeets continue their mass purging]
>>340729162
[Xbox One encounters an error]
Phil: How do you feel? Xbox? [snaps his fingers to wake up Xbox]
>>340726282
fireden
>>340729243
Phil: This isn't working! I gotta go tell Kaz I need more time!
>>340729304
Phil: [running out of the Microsoft E3 stage] I'll just go to Sony's headquarters and...
>>340729009
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
>>340729368
Phil: [Stops as soon as he encounters Kaz and gang] Kaz, you're here!!?
Kaz: Hello, Philly! [Phil Spencer steps back] We're all ready to be dazzled by your new console.
Phil: Wait, Kaz, I've got to explain!
Kaz: Explain what? That you, Phil Spencer, couldn't save the sinking ship of the Xbox One,
>>340729451
[Kaz Hirai walks in Microsoft's E3 show booth]
Kaz: or tried to pass off a lousy Xbone as a 6 teraflop [gulps] console?
>>340729536
>>340729630
Kaz: Hommina, hommina, hommina, hommina, hommina [Phil Spencer joins in Kaz's Homminas]
>>340729697
Xbox: Seats for hommina? I can direct you to your seats immediately! [picks up the group of crying Sonyggers with one hand]
>ITT
>>340729764
Phil: How did you do all of this?
Xbox: It was easy, once I defragged my hard drive.
Phil: But what about Larry or Satya?
>>340729851
Xbox: Taken care of!
>>340729909
Xbox: Good evening, sir. From our show today, might I recommend buying our new Xbox hardware? We take the finest OS, built into our Xbox, powered by the latest, bleeding edge AMD processors, further enhanced thanks to our Direct X12 APIs, fully compatible to be VR ready via Occulus and AR ready, with the best online servers in the entire industry, all played from our well crafted Xbox Elite controller.
>>340729970
[Kaz Hirai amazed by the show]
Kaz: ....this is fantastic!
Xbox: [salutes with all the hands that helped] Thank you, sir.
Goddamn I love you OP.Is that one guy making all those spongebob e3 edits?
>>340730039
Phil: Pinch me, I must be dreaming.>>340730061
I only made this one and the one from last year using the Band Geeks episode.
>>340730153
[Xbox pinches Phil Spencer]
Phil: OWWWWW!
Xbox: If you need anything else, just call Cortana.
Phil: Xbox, I can't thank you enough for all you're doing!
Xbox: Being a powerful machine and working are all I know how to do. [runs off back to the show]
This is so fucking horrible.
>>340730210
Phil: It worked! I can't believe it! Kaz thinks we have the best console. Time to rub it in his face!
>>340730237
ok we get it you dont like it, you don't have to keep posting it
haha, good going OP, quality post :^)
>>340730267
Phil: Well, Kaz. I'm waiting.
Kaz: [his eyes tear up] Alright, I admit it. Everything is fabulous. The console, the graphics! Everything's flawless!
Summer is truly here.
>>340730317
Phil: In that case, I need you to read this. [hands Kaz Hirai a card]
Kaz: Uhhh, "The Xbox..."
Phil: [puts a foam finger on his left hand] And I need you to wear this
Kaz: Oh, eh, "The Xbox is the best..."
Phil: [puts a microphone in front of Kaz] I'm sorry, one more time.
Kaz: "The Xbox is the greatest gaming console ever made. And it does not look like a VCR."
[Sonyggers all cry while uttering "d-DELETE THIS!!!"]
Can't wait for this to be posted on /r/4chan!!
Keep going OP! :)
This entire thread is cringe
>>340730397
Kaz: Phil, I must tell you. What really won me over with your E3 show was your brilliant console. It's as if all it knows is how to be powerful.... and to work. I must know your exclusives.
[record scratch]
Xbox: My exclusives?
Kaz: Yes, your exclusives, son.
Xbox: Uhh... DirectX 12?
Kaz: [softly chuckles] No, your exclusives.
Xbox: Uhh... err... Netflix?
Phil: Stop joking. Tell him your exclusives.
Xbox: My exclusives??
>>340730480
[Zooming into Xbox's CPU]
Pajeet #1: [Checking file explorer] Where's the exclusives? Where's the exclusives? I've got nothing!
Pajeet #2: [pressing a key on a keyboard] Come on, baby, what're the exclusives!!?! [computer catches on fire]
Pajeet #3: WE THREW OUT ALL THE EXCLUSIVES! [Other Pajeets begin to run around while more papers are flying. Xbox's CPU then breaks in half.]
Why do people keep using Kaz in their memes? Kaz hasn't been involved with E3 for years now.
>>340730479
/v/ is full of underage shitters, what do you expect? Most of them think spongebob is the best tv show ever made.
>>340730554
[Xbox begins to have an error and goes wild, causing a ruckus and disturbing all the E3 audience members]
Phil: No! Nooo!
>>340730636
Satya: Run for your lives, everyone! It's Windows 10's forced updates!
[Windows 10 bursts through the door and roars. Everyone screams and panics]
>>340730709
[Microsoft's E3 press show is ruined, Phil Spencer's tuxedo rips in half by itself and falls off]
>>340730758
Kaz: Well, Philly, I'm waiting.
Phil: [his eyes tear up] Okay, I admit it, I'm a fraud! This was all a futile, pathetic attempt to impress you. We don't have anything to go against the PS4 Neo. The new Xbox is just a slim with the same crappy specs!
>>340730758
Congratulations, this was fucking awful
>>340730818
Kaz: Phil, I understand. I have a confession to make myself. I made everything up about the PlayStation 4. It didn't sell 40+ million units. It can't run most games in 1080p or anything. I just paid the gaming media to impress you. The sad truth is, the PS4 is just as much of a failure as the Xbox One. [Kaz Hirai starts to cry into Phil Spencer's arms]
>>340730894
Phil: Is that true?
Kaz: Of course not! The PS4 is a filthy, stinkin' success! Come on, everyone. Let's all take a ride to the Sony E3 press event! [Sonyggers cheer]
DR4, Crackdown 3, ReCore and Scalebound 2017
Halo Wars 2 maybe 2017
Forza Horizon around October/November
Something PC, I think H2A before Halo 5
Gears 4 single player gameplay again
Phantom Dust Re-Reboot, 2017
Sea of Thieves gameplay, delay to 2017
Not sure what else
>>340730953
[Phil Spencer sits down and sighs in disappointment]
Xbox: [walks by with a bag of ice on his head] Ugh, I got such a headache. What's going on with you?
Phil: Oh, the usual.
>>340729630
>32gb ddr4
>>340731026
[Satya Nadella annoys Phil Spencer with Windows 10 update pop-up]
Phil: Would you get out of here!?Done. Thread didn't go as well as last year's. Oh well. I'm off to bed now.
>>340731116
You did good enough.
Honestly this would be better if you weren't typing it as a script, just the dialogue and the pictures would be enough.
![3f7d7a07d44e7a8a8aadff4dd2416670[2].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/tktg58k.jpg "3f7d7a07d44e7a8a8aadff4dd2416670[2].jpg")
>>340729630
>3rd party marketing rights
>Someone is autistic enough to make this and is still making and posting it right now
This is the most cringey, autistic thing I've ever seen on this board, and you are embarrassing every /v/ user more with each post, please stop.
>>340730854
Any yet probably will still be much better then Microsoft's E3 event.
>>340731116
>>340731212
Why are niggers like you hating on some OC?
Stuff like this happens on all the other boards
>>340731340
>OC
The kid even said it didn't go as well as last year
![1437484763953[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/83K6Ajk.jpg "1437484763953[1].jpg")
for (you) OP
>>340731401
>The kid
Another attempt to kill gaming (E3 2013). Fuck Microsoft.
Good job op.
