Harry, did I ever tell you about the time your father bullied Snape by hanging him upside-down in the air, laughing at his dirty underwear in front of the only girl he ever loved, your mother? it was top kek. He was a good friend.
>>63537088
"By the way, Harry, that's probably the reason Snape became a Wizard Nazi and told Voldemort of the prophecy that eventually led to the murder of your parents. It's also why he has taken to bully you ever since you became his student. Love is powerful, Harry."
>caring about harry potter
I miss being 11
>>63537236
"Also you will name your son after him, and call him the bravest person you've ever known. He was a good friend."
Harry, did I ever tell you how your fathers best friend was wrongly accused of betraying your parents and throw in a prison that is designed to torture you to madness?
He was a good friend
>>63538584
Yeah I don't know why but I'm obsessed with it, probably regressing to my 10 year old self after years of living the life of a nihilistic NEET
>>63538642
goddammit why do you have to be so honest anon, I was just shitposting>tfw 30 and watching the harry potter movies every christmass because super comfy
>>63538632
Harry, did I ever tell you that I can literally read minds? it means that I could detect Pettigrew was the real traitor and did nothing about it, even after Sirius was thrown, without trial, into a prison where demons literally feed off his happiness? I mean the guy worked for my Order and everything but I couldn't even pay him a visit to ask why he betrayed us or find out more about Voldemort, which is less than I can say I did with Voldemort's crazy inbred uncle and some old lady's house-elf. If I bothered to get off my wrinkly ass and do something you could have had a happy childhood, but I prefer you to stay with horrible muggles rather than Sirius. He was a good friend.
>>63537236
Snape would have probably become a Wizard Nazi either way, seems like every remotely competent person from Slytherin either became a Death Eater or went undercover as a Death Eater.
DIDJAPUTYANAMEINDAGOBLEHOFFIAH
Harry, did I ever tell you that you were in what was easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises? Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the seriesüf only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but itüfs certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books are g-g-good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King
>>63538715
I just don't give a shit anymore senpai, I even started reading shitty fanfiction just to get my HP fix. Seriously don't know what is wrong with me.
Harry I'm gay.
>>63538738
Pettigrew faked his death before Sirius was thrown into prison, remember? Dumbledore didn't even know that he was alive, let alone that he was pretending to be Ron's pet rat. And he's not like Professor X where he just reads minds by being around people, I think the books say that he has to focus on people individually. No reason for him to focus on a rat.
>>63538738
he probably knew that in another dimension(ours) some writer wrote all that shit down for books, so he wanted to make them more suspenseful
>>63538808
Autism: the post
>>63537236
>Snape became a Wizard Nazi and told Voldemort of the prophecy that eventually led to the murder of your parents. It's also why he has taken to bully you ever since you became his student.
It's kind of funny how Snape was so eager to kill off his old school bully that he caused the murder of the only woman he ever loved. Sure had a weird way of handling the guilt, though, you would think that he would have been extra nice to Harry as a way of atoning for his crimes or something.
>>63538812
I get you faam I remember reading the books was one of the comfiest times in my life
sad really, but true
now im too far gone with the internet to pick up a book again, even if its a kids book
Harry, did I ever tell I am gay?
Just wanted you to know since i was a good friend
>>63538812
Because you're a fucking manchild without a sense of measured judgement and critique so you come up with an arbitrary meme to cover up for your plebness
>>63537088
Why would Harry go against Snape's wishes and publicly humiliate him like that after his death?
The ONE thing Snape wanted was not to be exposed as the huge loser beta kek he was. He's probably spinning in his grave still.
>>63538821
Yeah but the Order suspected there was a traitor among them, Dumbledore could have just called each one and screened them.
>>63538843
>Killed the bully and the whore who left him for said bully
I wonder why he was ever sad about that.
Harry did I ever tell you that Luna Lovegood is best girl and you married the wrong person?
>>63538821
Dumbledore still could've at least paid Sirius a visit in prison, listen to his side of the story and then investigate himself if it made sense.
Dumbledore is a monster who only cared about "the greater good" even when he outgrew Grindelwald's bullshit. He didn't care about Harry or anybody he knew, they were all just soldiers and pawns to him in order to reach his final goal.
Which is fine but I wish Harry would've fucking understood that instead of worshipping him forever and naming his poor kid after him that is bound to become a bullying-victim.
>>63538866
>"Hey, I need you all to come before me one by one so I can look into your mind and casually rifle through your deepest memories, desires, and secrets just in case one of you is plotting against me."
Not really Dumbledore's style, seems more like the kind of thing that Voldemort would do.
>>63538863
The best revenge 2bh
>"Guys, did I ever tell you that the reason Snape fought against Voldemort is that he had a childhood crush on my mother, who friendzoned him and married the guy who tortured him for fun, and after she died he swore to take care of me like seriously that's a new level of kekoldry you know?"
>aping star shit memers because you lack creativity
a very good satire of Rowling being a talentless hack, pedo
>>63538936
>Dumbledore is a monster who only cared about "the greater good" even when he outgrew Grindelwald's bullshit. He didn't care about Harry or anybody he knew, they were all just soldiers and pawns to him in order to reach his final goal.
Which was saving thousands, if not millions, of lives
>Which is fine but I wish Harry would've fucking understood that instead of worshipping him forever and naming his poor kid after him that is bound to become a bullying-victim.
Why? We hero-worship old leaders who used young people as pawns all the time.
>>63538960
I hope that at least consoled poor Neville a bit.
I can't believe he has to teach a kid with Severus as a second name now, named after the man who made his school life a living hell for four years.
The fuck was wrong with Snape? I get being bitter but bullying the poor kid who you know for a fact has a shitty strict grandma and parents who are literally locked away in an insane asylum and who already looks like he's got self esteem problems?
And don't give me that "It could've been Neville" shit either, even if Snape knew this how would it matter.
Was he secretly trying to harden him or something, knowing the misery would one day turn Neville alpha?
>>63538919
Harry was obviously love potioned by Ginny, or perhaps Ron.
The Weasleys clearly used Harry as a way to get out of being poor
>>63538960
>the guy who tortured him for fun
>hanging him upside down and letting everyone see his underwear is torture
Come on. We've got a word for that, it's called bullying. Unless James Potter was waterboarding Snape on the side. Not to mention he did save Snape's life, most people would say they're even.
>>63538919
>Neville married that fatass Abbott instead of Luna
What a fucking loser.
>>63538872
It was done to victimize Beta Uprising by the writer since you can't portray that in a positive light.
>>63539021
Snape was just an asshole, it's really the only explanation. But what I don't understand is how everyone just stood by and let Snape abuse Neville.
>>63538965
Fuck off, /lit/
>>63539034
> implying Snape wouldn't have rather been killed and resented James and the humiliation of being saved by his bully even more after that
>>63538965
so subtle and masterful. Brings me back to better days.
>>63539086
That's what it was like in British boarding schools actually, before all the political correctness and childhood safety regulations kicked in during the new millennium. Hell even McGonagall bullied Neville from time to time.
>>63539086
> tfw nobody ever backed Neville up against Snape in class except Hermoine that one time
Guess they were all just scared to become the target themselves. Real brave.
>>63539101
/lit/ is where this thread should go no matter how insecure they make you about your lack of literature knowledge.
>>63539180
Its the famous Gryffindor courage, unless it makes your more famous it wont non existant
Harry, did I ever tell you about the time I was the only one who could stop wizard Hitler but didn't because I had a crush on him?
>>63539086
Actually, how one house gathered all the dicks who were allowed to go around and bully everyone else withot the consequence, and even won the house trophy every year before Harry showed up is beyond me.
That would also raise the questions why were teachers allowed to give students up to 100 points or take them away for subjective shit.
>>63539194
What exactly is wish-fulfilment for smart people?
I mean, I'm no big HP fan and I think childrens literature should be held to as a high standard as any literature, but getting mad at it just seems childish.
Harry, did I ever told you that Snape was a friend of your mother's? no? well he was but no one would mention it for seven years when talking about her or Snape.
>>63539165
All those books are better than HP.
My 2 cents:
>The Odyssey
Honestly, everyone should read this. It's entertaining as fuck, even for a modern audience. It's nothing but monsters and people dying and revenge plots and kekoldry and whatnot. Absolutely fantastic, I recommend it to everyone I know
>Gilgamesh
Some of the translations sound cool, but this shit is just way too old and weird to have any relevance or impact other than historical.
>The Inferno
Dark as fukk and interesting in a historical sense, but unless you've read and studied the bible, a lot of it isn't going to really hit you. For a religious audience though, this shit bangs hard.
>Beowulf
Has some pretty cool scenes and sequences at the beginning, but it kinda drags in the middle. Beowulf is a certified badass though, and the ending is cool as fuck in a "fuck the world I'm the greatest but what was it all for" kind of way. I'd recommend this, after the Odyssey, and before the Inferno
>>63539308
Atlas Shrugged, apparently.
Harry did I ever tell you that were getting more movies? Set in America? Dealing with the Magical Congress of the United Stares of America?
Harry, did I ever tell you about my brother who fucks goats?
>>63538808
Every thread
>>63538965
why is /lit/ so obsessed with middle english pottery
it's just dirty stories in iambic pentameter
>>63539435
Harry, did I ever tell you that in America, muggles are called no-maj? Rowling is a good writer.
>>63539447
Actually he did, in book 4.
>>63538965
>>63539194
>>63539396
>Reading "smart" books makes me smart
>>63539308
>harry potter
>"childrens literature"
Its drivel no better than twilight or recent captain underpants.
These are actually childrens literature
The Odyssey and the Iliad, The Life and Opinions of the Tomcat Murr, Frankenstein, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, Kidnapped, Life with Jeeves, Steppenwolf, Animal Farm, A Member of the Wedding, Charlotte's Web, Watership Down
>Albus Jr. did I ever tell you about the guy I gave you your middle name from? He bullied several of my friends for years even though he was an adult himself. He also tormented me for years and was generally a huge prick. Also, he tried to have Sirius killed when he had the chance. Turns out though that he was so obsessed about fucking my dead mother that he became a double agent. So I think he deserved a bit of credit. He was a good teacher.
>>63539194
Is this why a lot of females get really into this shit?
Seems like every other girl I've talked to warships HP.
>>63538808
>"If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King
this made me kek
>>63539526
>muh drivel
Whatever. It was an excellent gateway for kids to actually read, which sure as hell is better than most kids these days being obsessed about reality tv and xbox.
>>63539548
It would actually be best to ask on /lit/ as on here it will turn into a faux /r9k/ shitfest with "men" that 'love' it roleplaying to save face.And there are gurls there that read more than just YA shit :^)
>>63539526
Yeah no you didn't really answer my question.
I agreed that the books are kinda shit, but it's also obvious as to why they are so popular - the wish fulfilment aspect. IMO the biggest strength and weakness of the books (besides the main character, the little shit) is the worldbuilding.
I mean, it's a setting that's unashamedly MAGIC, with wands, dragons, cauldrons, potions, all that jazz. It's honestly a pretty shallow world, but on the other hand Rowling never gets stuck in the minute details of how magic works.
Then add the whole "yer a wizard, Harry", and you'd have to be some kind of really fucking stupid person to see that the reason people read the books isn't for the literary value (because they don't really give a shit), but because it's escapism.
And honestly, I've read worse "adult" escapism.
>>63539634
This is a cute post
Harry, did I ever tell you that your parents owned a cat before they died? you almost crushed him with a toy broom once when you were a baby. I have no idea what happened to him after Voldemort's attack. He was a good friend.
James was pretty much Malfoy without the racism.
If you weren't in his house or crew he'd treat you as shit and below him. Guy was a dick, but most kids are.
>>63539754
Is there any HP equivalent of Wookiepedia?
>>63538812
I do the same thing anon and I'm 24. On the rare occasion I feel shit about it I look at the profiles of some of the people who wrote them, there's several grandparents doing it.
What are your favourites? I almost exclusively read Harry/Hermione ships so my knowledge outside of that area is very limited.
>>63540030
No, the Harry Potter wiki is awful and full of incorrect information and no sources on basically anything.
>>63540030
>Harry did I ever tell you about balls, they were my good friends
http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Balls
Harry, did I ever tell you about the time the stupid cunt who writes these books said I'm gay just for publicity and shock value? She was a broke bitch till she hit the jackpot with this saga. And she was a good friend.
>>63540366
>literally just called Harry Potter wiki
>not Potterpedia or something marginally inventive
SW autists win again
>>63540481
Hold that thought
http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Unidentified_nose-picking_wizard
>>63537088
fake and gay
>>63539548
Yes
It's been proven over and over that women have no taste
>>63540516
Chair where
Harry, did I ever tell you the truth about The Deathly Hallows? I know I said they weren't made by Death Incarnate but if you'll recall, one of them genuinely summons the souls of the dead to you and in fact, we were both dead and talking while in limbo at the time I said this, so obviously I'm a liar and you're gullible as shit. I was a good friend.
>>63540516
>http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Unidentified_nose-picking_wizard
http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Freckle-faced_six-year-old%27s_father
>>63540516
In SW universe, we would already know his name, entire background, and favorite flavour of Bertie Bott's Beans.
Harry, did I ever tell you about Nicholas Flamel?
He entrusted me with his most important invention, the Philosopher's Stone.
I kept it in a cellar at my school with guards and protective measures that even first graders could overcome easily. He was a good friend.
>>63540743
He would have already been made into a Chocolate Frog Wizarding card too.
>>63540783
Actually kek'd
>Harry the fucking faggot queer married Ginny over Luna
>Ron the awkward dork somehow MAGICALLY got with Hermione
Why was the ending of this series so shit?
>>63540783
Harry, did I ever tell you about how I condemned Nicholas Flamel and his wife to death just so I could lure Voldemort to the school, then leave for London by broom instead of using the Floo or apparating or asking Fawkes to take me, so that when you realised that the stone was in danger you'd have nobody to turn to (The cat lady won't help you) and confront Voldemort, all so I could test that you were really The Prophesied One? I was a good chessmaster.
>Harry makes a big deal about his father bullying Snape
>has no problem with Hagrid trying to turn Dudley into a pig
>or with Fred and George nearly suffocating Dudley with his own tongue
>or using an unknown potentially dangerous spell on Draco
Harry, did I ever tell you about your nemesis, Tom Riddle? he grew up as an orphan among muggles who called him a freak, just like you, and became pure evil. It's really a fucking miracle that you're a nice guy and didn't grow up to be an evil sociopath who likes to torture muggles with snakes. He wasn't a very good friend.
>>63541057
>Harry's known since 11 that the most evil wizard who ever lived isn't dead like everyone thinks and wants to kill him
>He would still prefer playing with a moving chess set or exploding snap cards or balls that spit in your face to learning how to be a not shit wizard
>>63537088
Harry, did I ever tell you that Voldermort is actually pronounced Voldemore? It's funny how literally everyone in the wizarding world seemed to forget that. His feelings might have been hurt if he wasn't such a good friend.
>>63539548
pretty much yeah, they seek the comfort in repeated watches(or reading in this case I guess) to the same few things that make them happy rather than searching for something new.
it's a reflection of their desire to stay protected at home while the men would go out and hunt for food/work
>>63541151
Did Flight From Death learn French while growing up in a 1930s orphanage or at Hogwarts from Filch (or whatever)?
Fucking hack JK
>>63538919
Eight years and I'm still mad.
Dumbledore was right since everything worked out in the end. Get pwned, contrarians.
>>63538919
>>63539028
Harry falling for Ginny seems really incestuous given how the Weasleys were basically a second family to him. It's just weird.
>>63541261
Grow up pedo
>>63541287
Also she sounds and looks just like his mother.
>>63541307
She's 20-something
>>63541261
>everything worked out in the end
Except for Harry, Hermione, Luna, Lupin, Tonks, Whichever of the twins it was that died, Dobby, all those muggleborn who were sent to camps
I could go on
>>63538965
fuck you you aint quntin
>>63538965
>not putting atlas shrugged there for extra b8 points
>>63541416
Things would have been worse if Voldemort wasn't stopped though.
Harry, did I ever tell you that I actually find your friend, Ron, very handsome and I sometimes would use him whenever I had the chance in order to feel young again? We even danced on Hogwarts' Christmas prom and I know he secretly fapped thinking of me afterwards. I know because I used Legilimency. He was a good friend.
>>63541561
epic memeing /b/ro
do you get all the tumblr gurls
>>63541595
thank you, reddit!
>>63541561
>Book McGonagall
>No Accent
>Young
>Black Hair
>Irish Name
Why was she the worst cast character?
Harry, did I ever tell you about the Chinese Fireball? it's seriously an amazing dragon you gotta believe me. And a good friend.
Since there is a Harry Potter thread up I wanted to ask: why do people consider Goblet of Fire to be full of plotholes? It makes perfect sense to me. Dumbledore is the only one who can make a portkey which is why Voldemort's plan depended on the Triwizard Tournament. The cup portkey would return the winner to the maze entrance. Barty Crouch Jr. was able to modify the portkey to first take a detour to the graveyard. He imperioused Krum to frame him for Harry's murder, whose body would be found at the maze entrance. Voldemort could then secretly return to power. Did I miss something?
>>63541673
I never noticed Madame Maxine giving me the sexy eyes in this before
>>63541626
you first 2014 poster!
>>63541661
would do her 2bh
>>63538965
>>63538808
>art can be objectively good or bad
lol
>>63537088
So did Harry's mom just laugh, shag his dad below Snape's sobbing form then turn to Snape and say how sorry she was that he was bullied?
>>63541754
Looks more like a frog than a cat lmao
>>63541699
For instance how Dumbledore didn't realize that Moody was a pretender.
>>63541699
>Dumbledore is the only one who can make a portkey
This is never established in canon
>which is why Voldemort's plan depended on the Triwizard Tournament
I think it was actually just happenstance. The Tournament would be at Hogwarts, which he knew in advance because of Bertha Jorkins, and that's where Harry is.
>He imperioused Krum to frame him for Harry's murder
They can check what spells were cast on a wand, that would have cleared him. Or maybe not because the same thing should have cleared Sirius of Pettigrew's murder.
>>63541797
Yes actually that's exactly what happened
>>63541781
"lol"
Harry, did I ever tell you about the Chamber of Secrets?
I knew for a fact that Hagrid couldn't have been to blame for it but I didn't give enough fucks to try and help him out. Also going against perfect boy Tom Riddle, the obvious suspect, seemed like too much of a hassle for me, so I just silently stood by when he was excomunicated from the magical society and never shared my concerns with the other faculty even though even back then I was already well-respected and considered a genius.
Hagrid was even grateful when I offered him a shitty groundskeeper job so I wouldn't feel like a total asshole, can you believe it? He was a good friend.
And did I ever tell you about the Basilisk?
Totally obvious to a genius like me since the snake is Slytherin's symbol, spiders were getting the fuck out of school and all the chickens in Hagrid's back yard were killed but who gives a fuck if the school gets closed and students are attacked am I right? Not like they were good friends.
>>63541814
>This is never established in canon
It is established that portkeys have to be registered though.
The biggest plothole in the series is why the Death Eaters never just abducted Harry from King's Cross during the start/end of term.
>>63541867
>why doesn't everyone use guns
fixed
>>63541699
It's just a retarded, convoluted plan. Why risk Harry getting fried by a dragon or drowing at the bottom of the lake instead of just doing something way easier.
>>63541867
>It is established that portkeys have to be registered though.
Legally speaking yes, but Dumbledore doing it without registering proves that it's possible without registration
>The biggest plothole in the series is why the Death Eaters never just abducted Harry from King's Cross during the start/end of term.
Or while he was at primary school and only protected by a dozen or so muggle teachers
>>63541867
>>63541906
In fact, Death Eaters could have employed a couple of hitmen to kill them in the station. Nobody would have suspected a thing.
>>63541846
strawmanning and moving goalposts: the comic, the amount of effort put forward for the message 'my opinion is better than yours' leads to one diagnosis: incurable autism. The fact that you enjoyed and saved it speaks volumes.
>>63541846
>virtuous
>masterful
Nice opinions. Lastly:
>implying literary techniques can be proven to be better or worse than others
>>63541923
The Death Eaters actually were scared that Harry might have special powers before he entered the magical world and revealed himself to be a normalfag. Why would they be able to kill him when Voldemort wasn't?
Also some of them thought he might even rise as a new dark leader and stuff.
It's still retarded of course.
>>63538965
>>63538965
>Beowulf
Good bait. There's nothing wrong with it and its an interesting read but it's just a read it's entertainment still
>>63541920
>Why risk Harry getting fried by a dragon or drowing at the bottom of the lake instead of just doing something way easier.
>Go to your horcrux cave and grab your Zombie Army
>Get Wormtail to show you how to break into Hogwarts through the unprotected secret entrances in the sweet shop or haunted house
>???
>RESURRECTION
Harry, did I ever tell you that I took on a convicted murderer as a grounds keeper. He was finally brought to justice when two more students were paralyzed decades later. I managed to exculpate him by reminding everyone that it was Voldemort, the dark lord himself, who provided the only evidence that he committed the murder. He was a good friend.
>>63538738
Dumbledore can't read minds.
If you mean the Pensieve, aside from the moral implications of going through someone's mind for a trial, it's demonstrated in the books that the memories can be tampered with. Not very reliable, famalam, especially when Sirius admitted to killing Peter and the Potters.
>>63542091
Harry, did I ever tell you about my pet huge man-eating spider, Aragog? he was the actual reason I was expelled from Hogwarts. You're not supposed to raise murderous beasts as a student. Anyways later he escaped to the forest and I brought him a female huge man-eating spider to mate with. Together they created a huge colony of man-eating spiders in the forest, probably ruining life for every other animal there. You should totally follow the spiders to their lair, it's not like they're going to eat you or anything. He's a good friend.
>>63542230
I'm talking about Legilimency, and yes he can, that's exactly what he does several times you stupid moviefag.
>>63538936
>Dumbledore still could've at least paid Sirius a visit in prison, listen to his side of the story and then investigate himself if it made sense.
Sirius literally didn't offer a defense of himself, he said that he killed Peter (because he thought he did) and that he killed the Potters (because he thought he had led Voldemort to them by giving power to Pettigrew). As far as Dumbledore knew, Sirius was the traitor, and now he can rot in prison.
>>63541699
Harry had no reason to compete in the tournament for one.
He could have skipped every event and it would literally have not mattered as the second event demonstrates that they are not in fact magically forced to compete like the goblet allegedly makes them.
>why does this childrens franchise not live up to my man child sensibility
>>63542269
>Sirius literally didn't offer a defense of himself
Neither did Morfin Gaunt, and Dumbledore went to visit him anyway. Dumbledore is supposed to be smart and see that something's wrong there, but he doesn't even try.
>>63539396
Gilgamesh is awesome, how do themes of freindship, rural vs urban, regret of destruction without thought,and fear of death and loss not have any relevance.
And the scale of the spectacle.
Gilgamesh would make an awesome movie.
>>63541986
There is such a thing as shitty writing.
I once read a book called Shards of Destiny, a 900 page monstrosity written by a 15 year old who managed to get it self published by his parents.
I could literally write a 100 page essay on why it was so horrible. Reading it probably shortened my life by around ten years from mental backlash.
Here's an example of the horrible shit in it. He constantly used the word "fervent" to describe a character's hair. Literally every single fucking mention of that stupid god damn cunt came with the line "and her fervent hair."
That book taught me that there is such a thing as objectivity in literature. That book was objectively trash not even fit to wipe my ass with.
>>63542318
more like, why does society end up giving this franchise so much money when the sensibilities of people on this board make sense and are funny.
Why?
>>63542253
When does Dumbledore use that? I mean, he probably can, he's a dank wiz, but I don't recall a part in any of the books where he breaks into someone's minds for a quick riffle.
>>63542234
If you follow those spiders, you'll see that It wasn't me.
Aragog was never inside the castle and did not witness any of the events that led to the accusations, but he knows that I'm a nice person and will corroborate my innocence. You should risk your life to find my good friend, the man-eating spider.
>>63542531
>I don't recall a part in any of the books where he breaks into someone's minds for a quick riffle.
Then read the books again. He used it to pull the real memories from Morfin Gaunt's mind, interrogate Kreacher, and there are many instances where Harry feels like Dumbledore is scanning his thoughts, even before he learns of Legilimency.
>>63542484
You are now aware that you live in a world, a terrifying world, where there are people right this moment who use terms such as "canon" and "cinematic universe" when talking about films and television shows.
A terrifying world where imagined characters on a screen are required, according to those who discuss them, to adhere to "ground rules" set out by the creators of said-characters. A terrifying world where those that discuss these characters and their actions, are actually enraged if said-characters deviate from the mannerisms expected of them, the mannerisms that may have initially been set in the pages of a comic book.
Think about that. A comic book. For children. Yes, pictures and words on the same page, which are meant to be read by children, that are actually read by adults who then bicker and express their frustration at film-translations of these comic books not being "faithful". Faithful to a comic book. That's supposed to be read by young children.
This is your world. This is the world of capeshit. Terrifying, isn't it?
>>63542459
Stop shilling yourself on 4chan Tyler
>>63542616
>>63542234
Hey, the spiders aren't actually man-eating, as far as Hagrid knows. They haven't actually eaten anyone, he raised them on other food and they never tried to kill him. He probably thought he had tamed them to not eat people.
The old spider is pretty clear when he says he never let any of his brood go after Hagrid, but that he can't stop them from eating kids who ended up really deep in the forest in their lair.
>>63542704
That's the problem with Hagrid, he's too stupid to realize he puts others in danger, and yet Dumbledore gives him important positions just because he's a very loyal minion.
Harry, did I ever tell you that the only thing I really wish I had done in my life was to fuck your mother in her juicy ass and shoot my magic and wizardry filled cum on your father's face? Your father was a good friend.
The fan edit of half blood Prince was good
>>63542659
Canon is a legitimate thing, people just use it too autisticly, looking outwards from the story rather than simply which amount of texts are necessary for understanding. There are different Biblical canons for example.
>>63542774
Really? Because all HP movies directed by Yates are trash. The problem is that they're missing so many good and crucial scenes. HBP is no exception. But don't worry. Even though they cut no less than five scenes explaining Voldemort's past we got to see Harry wanting to fuck a waitress and pointless scene of death eaters attacking the Burrow.
>>63541781
fuck off and die lol
>>63542874
That was the single most retarded scene in the movies.
If the Death Eaters could just go ahead and attack the burrow like that, the series would've been over immediately.
+ Harry and Ginny running out into the corn exposing themselves, luckily for them the Death Eaters were incompetent and didn't take the opportunity to off them at once.
>>63542874
All the movies are trash though
mexican man is the only passable one and thats because he tried something new
Bellatrix = best.
>>63543064
she is fucking hot
>>63542970
In the book the place was basically a magical fortress during Harry's holiday stay explicitly so that kind of shit couldn't happen.
>>63542970
They really were. In Order of the Phoenix (Yates again) they can't defeat a bunch of kids. Their wave their wands and they turn into a black mist.
Remember in the book the fight is much more physical, the DE are careful not to break the prophecy but main characters still get injured and almost die. Not to mention the whole climax of the books is so fucking great and the movie has none of that. No different chambers, spinning doors, golden statues and so on.
>>63543123
After 2 (3 maybe...being generous) the movies just stopped trying and went for easy money.
>>63542285
>the second event demonstrates that they are not in fact magically forced to compete like the goblet allegedly makes them
How so? If you're referring to Fleur, she competed and failed, they never said you had to succeed at every task.
Either way, you're right that Harry didn't have to compete. I bet if he refused, Barty Crouch would have lost his magic (as the one who entered the contract) or whatever the forfeit is
>>63542768
You should have picked Snape for that caption
>>63542874
Yes, because it removed almost all the romance scenes so I could be unbothered with by personal ships
>>63543123
>No different chambers, spinning doors
That was well done creepy moment of the book.
>>63542874
Yes. And there is no scene in DH2 where Voldemort places Sorting Hat on Neville and fucking burn it.
>>63543149
This. It's a huge shame. Everything about them is perfect, most actors, the music, the sets, the costumes (why did they stop wearing school uniforms in the 3rd one? Fuck Cuaron for that) and the behind the scenes extras on the DVDs were so comfy but they still suck ass so much. How is this possible?
>Order of The Phoenix was the best book
>Lots of people go and see the movie because of this
>The movie does well, so the studios assume it was because of the FUCKING HACK DIRECTOR and hire him to make the new films too
The ride never ends
>>63543268
Because of that cunt 6-7-8 have no colour or charm at all.
>>63543075
That's the main problem I have with Helena being cast. Bellatrix was not pretty. She was pretty 15 years ago before she went to jail, but not any more.
>>63543149
>After 2
Fucking lmaoing. Columbus was a studio puppet
>>63543238
And Voldemort and Bellatrix turn to ash when they die. It's like Voldemort was proven right. He was more than a man. In the book he leaves a normal useless body that gets dumped in the closet.
>>63543149
It's really telling that the first movies have John Williams and the last ones his cheap replacement.
>>63543306
>being this contrarian for the sake of it
You have my pity and here is your (you)
>>63543268
Yates made the films British you dumb anglophile tumblr teen.
>>63541699
>there are hundreds of portkeys all over the world
>this is established since the weasleys alongside harry go to a certain spot to get to a certain portkey
>they are not all given individually to all wizards in the entire world by dumbledore
>dumbledore would be working for the ministry of magic if he was the only one who knew how to make one
also how would barty crouch jr be able to modify a portkey if dumbledore is the only one who knows how to make one?
>tfw there are only 3 John Williams Harry Potter soundtracks because he worked on Star Wars instead
I don't know what would have made me happier, more Williams kicking ass in HP or the best excuse Star Wars fags have for the prequels not being entirely worthless being gone.
>>63543377
I think he meant within Hogwarts since normally it's not possible to apparate and stuff out of the school grounds.
>>63543345
Fuck off, Yates is hack trash.
>>63543345
I am British, and what the fuck are you even talking about?
>>63543342
>the first two are the lowest rated ones among sites with taste and most of his films are considered trash
>b-b-but my pleb meme favorites you contrarian
Kill yourself or get off of our art board.
>>63538919
ginny was supposed to be really pretty
but they cast an uggo in her role
>>63543441
magical objects are allowed in hogwarts though, using a spell is different
also the object could have been changed outside the borders before it was moved (levitating spell into the maze)
>>63543441
It's kinda weird that Portkeys seem to operate normally in Hogwarts.
The cup works in the maze (taking you out of Hogwarts), and at the end of OotP Dumbledore makes a portkey which takes Harry directly to his office (taking you in to Hogwarts).
Seems like a massive security flaw that was never properly exploited. Instead of fixing that wardrobe in HBP, Malfoy shoulda just made a portkey.
>>63543501
First movie is the best one though desu senpai
>>63543341
>He was more than a man.
This. Bellatrix' ash is just wtf.
>>63543377
Strong Confundus spell, like he did with the Goblet, I guess.
Harry, did I ever tell you about the time that we completely ignored the enormous advantages of short-term time travel in fighting Voldemort's forces and instead used it to let a 13 year old girl take extra classes?
By the way, they all got destroyed lol.
They were a good plot device.
>>63543504
>but they cast an uggo in her role
>>63543504
Even if she was pretty, Luna and Hermione were both far better choices.
>>63543535
maybe the spell is difficult or only learned by certain wizards
and there has to be a magical detection spell for portkeys since they have to be registered
>>63538965
I read all of that stuff in my community college elective courses. I hope that's a fucking troll.
>>63543501
>DH part 1 third best
Automatically invalidated. If I wanted to see angsty teens freak out while camping I'd watch the Blair Witch Project.
>>63543584
>Luna
She would torture you to death even if she had the slightest of the hints that you may be looking at another woman's ass.
>>63543579
what kind of look do you want senpai?
And now he's making Fantastic Beasts. Of course he might do better with a new material. I guess the movies will be canon with the books since the script was co-written by Rowling.
We know that we're going to see a lethifold.
>>63543559
Do you use words like "comfy" and "based" too?
>>63543650
baka senpai desu lad
![f0ac32ecec823a5094730e85b01fe7ec[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/iG2uY2S.jpg "f0ac32ecec823a5094730e85b01fe7ec[1].jpg")
>>63543535
>It's kinda weird that Portkeys seem to operate normally in Hogwarts
The Quidditch pitch (where the maze was) may not count as being on the grounds. It's a long way away in pic related.
>>63543646
Wait, Yates is directing those as well?
Holy shit does nobody involved realize that everybody hates his movies?
>>63543567
but the goblet and the portkey are quite different, they are both magical items but the goblet could be tricked since it has certain artificial intelligence to it since you have to be the correct age and the goblet can sense that
a portkey takes anyone and sends them to a location when touched
>>63543579
I imagined her as really ugly/skanky in the books too so it works for me. Harry could have had any girl he wanted and he chose worst girl.
>>63543634
Why would you want to do that when you had Luna's at your beck and call?
>>63543633
>I couldn't understand Yates attempt at alienating the fanbase
At least you have Star Wars 7 and Captain America 3 to look forward to lel
>>63543300
She was still pretty, in the book, despite being so long in Azkaban which had aprtially ruined her look.
>>63543724
>The MC chooses the worst girl
Just like my chinese cartoons
>>63543756
she isn't that good tbhfam
>>63543723
>you have to be the correct age and the goblet can sense that
No. The age restriction was a new rule brought in for the first time in this tournament, before that, you could be any age, so the cup doesn't detect that, it was only Dumbledore's age line protecting the cup.
>>63543781
I disagree but this is getting nowhere.
>>63543774
Its like they enjoy making awful awful choices.
>>63543646
I suspect it will be more about muh muggles discriminate muh homo-wizards than searching cool beasts all over the world. Find short synopsis for the movie, all beasts are in Newts case already.
>>63543756
Yeah but the you have to deal with Luna's shit the rest of your life. It'd be like being married to a "lolsorandum" girl.
You cold have some great hatesex though, choking her while you scream at her to quit being such a meme spouter.
>>63543584
>Luna and Hermione were both far better choices
Both is the patrician choice.
>>63543064
I hated her in the movies. That stupid fucking hair. Almost as bad as Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort
>>63543678
go back to /v/
>>63543893
He could have nailed it if he wasn't forced to act like a nancy boy with a weird fetish for muggle clothing
>>63543917
Jesus Christ, kill yourself. Nobody gives a shit.
>>63543723
You see, cup can be jinxed easier than even goblet. But we're talking about theory, not a fact.
>>63543874
>>63543634
I always assumed Luna's craziness was an act to keep people away after being so cruelly bullied for 3 years before we meed her.
Before being raped by Death Eaters for months in Deathly Hallows, anyway.
>>63544010
The moment we meet her father it's pretty much confirmed she's always been like that.
>>63543954
>with a weird fetish for muggle clothing
When's that? The only time I can recall is when Harry hallucinates seeing him on Platform 9 3/4
>>63543962
Grow up child of videogames
>>63538808
>Shakespeare
>In a graph about books
You have to be 18 to be post here young man
>>63544043
Pipeweed bro
>>63544046
Even that one incidence was one too many and really stuck out as being out of character and place.
Harry didn't marry Luna or Hermione. Nobody won.
>>63543954
That and he should have had red eyes. It's such a small thing but him having blue eyes with that kind of face just ruins the whole thing.
>>63544092
Ron did.
Fucking Ron lucked out the moment he sat in the train next to Harry.
Wonder if the Weasley's had it all carefully planned out, keikaku style.
>>63544083
But that wasn't Voldemort, it was Harry's stupid brain. That's like saying it was out of character for Boggart Snape to dress like Neville's Gran.
>>63544092
WB, Rowling and mediocrity won though. Just look at the low IQ manchildren in this thread
>>63544133
A lot of fanfiction assumes just that. Or that Dumbledore set it up.
Ron is a ball and chain for Harry
>Harry don't act smart, it makes me look bad
>Harry don't use your wealth, it reminds me of being poor
>Harry don't even try and be good at magic, just goof around with Ron
Fuck Ron
>>63544133
But his family already had a story of fight against Voldemort and knew the member of the Order of Phoenix.
>>63544184
I get the second one but the first and last one?
>>63544221
Yeah they probably would've met eventually but had Ron not been such close friends with Harry, he firstly never would've become friends with his future waifu Hermoine and secondly wouldn't have been revered as a hero who did an outstanding job.
>>63544133
>saved Ron's life
>saved Ginny's life
>saved Mr. Weasly's life
>funded Fred and George's business
>helped Charlie come out as Dragonsexual
>married Ginny, fulfilling Mrs' Weasly's lifelong wish of having a worthwhile son with loads of gold
>encouraged Mr. Weasly's muggle fetish
>>63544133
>Wonder if the Weasley's had it all carefully planned out, keikaku style.
Of course they did.
Molly went to Hogwarts for 7 years. By 91, she had 2 sons who had both attended for 7 years, another for 5 years and two more for 1 year, with 4 train journeys per year. So, after visiting the only magical train platform all those dozens of times, why was she yelling "Which platform was it? All these Muggles!" within earshot of Harry? Why did she send him a Christmas present after meeting him less than a minute? Why was she so obsessed with feeding him all the time but not caring about how his relatives treated him?
God Tier: Luna
POWERGAP
Special Tier: Tonks
POWERGAP
Top Tier: Fleur, Hermione(Emma Watson)
Milf Tier: Bellatrix, Narcissa, Lily
Mid Tier: Hermione(Books version), The Patil twins, Lavender, Susan Bones(Columbus' daughter), Katie Bell
Low Tier: Pansy, Hannah Abbott, Mirtle's haunted pussy
Shit Tier: Cho, Minerva, Romilda, Angelina, Alicia
Nasty Tier: Mrs. Weasley
POWERGAP
The absolute worst: Ginny
>>63544271
>I get the second one but the first and last one?
All those times Ron puts down Hermione for going to the library, half assing in classes.
A big one is Harry "just picking what Ron picked" for OWLS
>No Arithmancy
>No Ancient Runes
Muh creatures, muh mad old bint in a tower with tea leaves
Yes, these courses will really help me to be a great wizard.
>>63544354
Milf tier best tier.
>>63544354
>Hermione(Emma Watson)
She was good in 1 and 2, but when she hit puberty she drastically diverged from the Hermione in my head
>Special Tier: Tonks
Not quite:
>Special Tier: Tonks (Books)
>Savage Tier: Tons (Movies)
>>63544354
Fleur is god tier as well.
She put up with all the shit that jealous bitches Ginny, Hermoine and Molly put her through with a smile on her face because she loved her man.
>>63544477
Ginny and Molly were especially butthurt and I loved reading about it because I could practically taste the tears in my mouth.
>>63544392
How is Harry just picking whatever Ron picked Ron's fault?
If he had wanted to, he could've gone to the library with Hermoine but he chose not to. He chose Ron and the fun by himself.
He's even unhappier without Ron in GOF because he doesn't love spending time with Hermoine in the library.
Not Ron's fault for being a chill dude it's fun to hang out with.
>>63544533
>Ron
>chill dude
I am wondering if we read the same books.
>>63544585
Well he was chill as long as he wasn't triggered and became an insecure whiney bitch who was jelly of Harry, yes.
So up until book 4 at least.
Then during book 5 he put up with Harry's constant whining and throwing fits with the patience of an angel, Hermoine as well of course.
All cool and chill in book 6 again, then in book 7 he fucks up again but all in all yeah, he's a pretty chill dude it's just nice to hang out with most of the time.
![Lupin[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/4MMBL4K.jpg "Lupin[1].png")
>Harry, did I ever tell you that I'm the last living and innocent friend of your parents? Yes, we were best friends since I was eleven and even though I'm a werewolf, they were the only ones who ever accepted me, But now, Peter is dead, Sirius is in Jail, so it's just me left, but I didn't ever bother to look you up even once afterwards. And even if I had an excuse for that which I won't bother to tell you, I definitely didn't have an excuse later when I was your teacher and pretended that I vaguely remember your dad but didn't really know him. In fact, I won't even tell you anything unless it comes down to a confrontation between you and Sirius Black with me about to change into my werewolf form and gore you to death. You just don't need to know anything, and I hate you. I was a good boy.
>>63538852
Audiobooks nigga. Shitpost simultaneously
>>63544720
Alright, I retract my statement. Sorry.
Fanfiction has clouded my memories of canon.
>>63544731
Top kek.
By the way does anyone know why fanfic guy stopped?
>>63544720
Harry is a completely different character in book 5 compared to every other book.
I guess the whole witnessing a murder thing really fucked him up. Luckily witnessing the closest thing he had to a father die because of his own actions seemed to fix him up.
>>63544778
How was he portrayed in fanfiction?
I know he's not the most popular character because of books 4 and 7 but is it that bad?
He Luna fans, recommend me a good Harry/Luna fic. The only ones I've read are Faery Heroes (best fanfiction) and one I can't remember where she could turn into an owl with a medallion and had a lot of naked scenes and a magic arch that removes the horcrux.
Apart from fapfics obviously. In that category I recommend Harry's Magical Penis.
>>63544778
>By the way does anyone know why fanfic guy stopped?
I don't know, but I miss him deeply. Even though the picture he used was retarded.
>>63542318
>why are these strangers online having an enjoyable discussion about something that doesn't interest me and why am I posting in their thread
>>63544831
He's basically a death eater.
>>63544831
...he is pretty much always either comic relief or relentlessly bashed on. Come to think of it that is unfair.
>>63544778
>By the way does anyone know why fanfic guy stopped?
Because you were a cancerous tumor on multiple boards and your attempt at pretending anyone wanted that sort of shit on /lit/ was pathetic.
>>63544731
>being werewolf
>one of past friends turned out to be traitor
>experienced loss of all best friends
>hardly accepted Tonks love
>married
>only to die later
>>63544831
>How was he portrayed in fanfiction?
Really really not good. Either for him or anyone who meets him.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RonTheDeathEater
>>63544875
>you
>your
uh. guy. I am not fanfic anon.
>/lit/
You insult me by even implying I would ever visit that barren wasteland of elitist faggots.
>>63544880
I liked how Harry started calling him Remus in DH.
Btw apparently he and Tonks were in the movies. I wonder if they had any dialogue. I remember that in HBP it's just sort of implied they're together even if it was never set up or anything. Bravo Yates.
>>63544354
Tonks was a filthy filthy filthy filthy gypsy.
>>63544923
>barren wasteland of elitist faggots
Describes basically every board on this website funnily enough.
>>63543535
I suspect only Dumbledore was capable of making a portkey that worked within Hogwarts, since he could override its defenses. Crouch was able to jinx an already existing portkey though. It's the only explanation that makes sense.
>>63544991
>I wonder if they had any dialogue
Hardly any, Tonks had basically all of her lines cut.
>I remember that in HBP it's just sort of implied they're together
It's implied throughout but confirmed in the Hospital Wing after Dumbles dies in the book. As I recall it happens just after Fleur says she doesn't care about Bill's wolfish tendencies.
>>63544731
I always found it odd that Lupin and Harry weren't more in contact, considering how close he was with Harry's parents.
>>63544850
Contemplating Clouds it's my favorite fic, a shame it's abandoned. Protection from Nargles and Luna's Year are good too. Luna's Hubby is good read.
>>63545127
I watched the movie, but it's been ages now. Was Teddy in the movie? Or was it even mentioned he was born?
>>63545127
>Tonks had basically all of her lines cut.
Magic of cinema in raw.
>>63545127
In the book it's a minor subplot yes. But in the movies Tonks suddenly starts treating Lupin like her boyfriend with no set up in the middle of the movie. I wonder if Yates hates David Thewlis. Lupin wasn't even present in OotP when the advance guard came to pick up Harry.
![here-s-the-real-reason-prof-flitwick-looks-different-in-the-later-harry-potter-movies-pr-413676[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/2oknXla.jpg "here-s-the-real-reason-prof-flitwick-looks-different-in-the-later-harry-potter-movies-pr-413676[1].jpg")
>People honestly claiming Azkaban was a good film
Defend this, Cuarofags
>>63545277
Also he started teaching... music? I guess Dumbledore in the first book was right. It's magic beyond everything else in Hogwarts.
