Here ye, here ye. I hereby call to order yet another exciting meeting of the world renowned Adventurers Guild! It has recently come to my attention that one of you, and I'm not going to say who, -Cough Dirjin Cough Cough- has been feeding the Owlbears we keep locked in the basement for "Hoots of Fun" Thursdays. Now normally this wouldn't be much of a problem, we'd simply have them do a few extra hours on the Electro Wheel that we use to recharge all of the Guild's magical items. Unfortunately, that same someone -cough Dirjin cough cough-, also seems to have been hiding STOLEN magic items within their cages. This close proximity to an over abundance of magic items, mixed with whatever the hell they've been eating, has apparently made the beasts sentient. So while I, and several other Guild delegates deal with the over-sized sentient Chickens currently residing in our basement, I want all of you to come up with ideas for this Thursday. As such, I'll be leaving you all in the capable hands of Champion Fighter, Marth Wyvern.
I hope this doesn't interfere with Drunk Science Friday. I've got a new experiment to run using a mass grease spell, expeditious retreat and dimension doors to see if I can jump the Guild Hall in a single bound.
As for ideas this Thursday, maybe we just keep it as a game night and play charades or how many mages guild department heads we can hide behind the owlbear cages? So far I think we're only at 6 but I bet we can make it to at least 10.
>>45328219
Hello everyone, Marth Wyvern here.
>>45328339
No, Drunk Science Friday is still ago... As long as it isn't being held in the Guild Arena. The Owlbears seem to be building a village there.
>>45328339
A game night sounds like a marvelous idea to me! Should I bring some things or am I still banned from suggestions after the Ursine Roulette incident? On that note... maybe the owlbears would like to join in!
>Plants his helmet covered face into the palm of his gauntlet covered hand.
This is why we can't have nice things.
>>45328428
As far as I know, your ban ended a few weeks ago. Though the now sentient Owlbears are another thing...
>>45328420
Wonderful news. Also we should probably do something about the security measures near the cages.
>>45328428
There is nothing I don't love about that idea.
>>45328480
Weren't they already sentient BEFORE the exposure to those items? I mean, I've dealt with Owlbears that were smarter than most men I know.
>>45328488
Agreed. Though we honestly shouldn't have to heighten security...
>>45328450
I completely agree.
>>45328522
Well lets be honest, the average peasant isn't exactly the brightest Rod of Wonder now are they.
>>45328480
>>45328488
Wonderful! I'll go get my tarot set, normally tarot isn't much of a game but this deck has just been a doozy! Won it off some guy when he keeled over and I just ended up with a fancy axe... oh, on that note, I got no use for this axe. Anyone want it? I think the runes on it say something about dragon-slaying but I haven't brushed up on my dwarvish in a while so I dunno.
>>45328587
>>45328522
>Drinks from his wineskin and remembers to swallow before speaking.
Sure they're wise enough as is but not very bright. It'd be easy to just go out and grab new ones from the wild. Speaking of wild things, my alcoholism is settings my a-tingle.
>>45328653
Dibs the axe. I know someone who can transfer enchantments.
>>45328653
Uhm... I hate to be the bearer of bad news... But the runes on that Axe says "Those who touch of the mighty Berrgo Whitewinter's Axe shall feel the pain of a Dragons penalty"...
>>45328718wrong name XD
>>45328718
Challenge Accepted!
>>45328718
Well. That sucks. You win some you lose some...
>>45328702
>>45328750
*chucks the axe in Drakon's general direction* Yours now! I'll be off getting the cards... Thursday you say? Should be able to get to my castle and back before then...
>>45328750
Are you sure you wish to take this kind of challenge? It's not like trying to shave a woman's hairy man legs... It's the "Dragons Penalty". Which in Suvessin Dwarven loosely translates to "The Dragons Lance".
>>45328750
Are you seriously going to go off and slaughter another clan of dragons? I thought you said you found something better to do and then you vanished into the Underdark for, what was it? Nine years?
>>45328814
I think you're thinking of "Drakon Macur, Blind wanderer of the Underdark"
>>45328814
By the way... How exactly are we going to get rid of three dozen sentient and over-sized Chickens?
>steps into view, cleaning a black fluid that might be blood off of his hands with a towel
You people are much too loud! It's hard enough sewing a rotting arm back onto a Lich without having to hear you ruffians screech about dragons and axes!
>>45328788
>Expertly catches the weapon midair.
YEEEEEES!
>>45328795
I made Demogorgon surrender on my lonesome and regularly put ancient wyrms in the ground. I'm not afraid of any rape-happy dragons.
>>45328814
Aye nine years. Those drow lasses kept insisting that they'd show me the proper way to treat a man. By the time I left their city was literally dust below the monument to my prowess.
Regardless, I am on quest to find to the wyrm that bares my namesake. He has much to answer for.
>>45328982
Well my apologies Ambrose, but you are fully aware that we usually host our meetings on Tuesday, therefore you should plan accordingly. Nyle Ransdorm has also suggested sound proofing your lab as well.
>>45329051
>looks at Marth with a cocked eyebrow
Yes, because I can plan when King Arterion the Undying's arm falls off. And if Nyle thinks I'm paying to soundproof my lab, he can jump in a lake.
>>45329028
>The young man would simply shurg
It's your loss when you feel a ghostly presence shaped similar to a dragons Lance inside of you.
>>45328964
I know who I am thinking of and I know who and what it is that ol' Planesunder himself wants with the dragon he's after. What I don't tell him is that the dragon he wants to speak with parades around as an old, blind storyteller with a cover name so obvious that it's ingenious.
Anyways about the Owlbears. We should probably handle this diplomatically. I mean, we have a good working relationship with them. Maybe offer to help build their village and welcome them to the world of sentient creatures? Reap the rewards of uplifting them from simple animals to noble beasts?
>>45329028
And as for you, the secrets out of the bag now so go find your unkillable dragon priest of Bahamut and let him talk your ears off for all I care.
>>45329142
They don't have hands.
Never saw the point of being sapient if you don't have hands.
>>45329116
I've ended worse things than a curse.
>>45329142
And as for your drunken rambling, I damn well know what he's been doing but the bastard comes and goes with the winds. Literally!
>Stomps off.
>>45329225
Dirjin screwed up AGAIN... About as big as usual too. I am simply in favor of welcoming them to the neighborhood before someone tries to welcome them as our new overlords.
>>45329260
Actually, some of the druids already have.
>>45329260
Never met this Dirjin fella - they a Transmuter?
Excuse me darlings, is this the adventurer's guild?
I'm afraid I've got a small rat problem in my basement, and I'm far too old to be dealing with them myself. If you could be so kind as to help an old lady out, I'd gladly bake you a batch of my special cookies and cupcakes!
>>45329310
He's an arse clinger. That brown streak that you need to wipe a few extra times to get rid of but never quite until you can wash? That but in form of a dark elf.
>>45329303
Damn it all! After that incident with the portals to Hell we dealt with last week I'm not going to pick a fight with the druids in our own arena!
>>45329367
Oh no, I think you're mistaken... The druids are dead now. The Owlbears clawed and ate them.
>>45329366
This isn't another one of those "Fake grandma who's actually a demon" jobs is it? I ask only because Guild policy requires me to.
>>45329366
What makes these treats so special?
>>45329303
Not used to seeing more than a few druids in city limits at any given time. Are these those "urban" druids that like to hold old people up for carriage fare? Cause I got something they can hold up. I like to call it "Vampireball."
>>45329367
A Drow? And you let him use the same buildings as normal people?
>>45329366
That takes me back to when I used to kill rats in the basements with my friends - Never do that without a healer.
>>45329512
I thought that he was being kept as someones pet. How was I supposed to know it wasn't housebroken?
>>45329512
One... They're just regular druids... They usually just come here for the benefits plan. Two, yes they use the same buildings and facilities as the rest of us. Please keep the racism out of meetings.
>>45329572
This is good to know. So these sentient owlbears still maul things but they may not have developed a language so communication is difficult. Interesting...
>>45329603
No... I think they're just really pissed off at having been used for "Hoots of fun Thursdays".
>>45329543
Eh, Nyle has this weird tendency to try and "convert" Evil do'ers into being "Good people"... It's a tad bit weird.
>>45329640
Well obviously. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to stow away those mages guild department heads right next to the owlbear cages. It felt like it would have been the perfect cover and more importantly the perfect way to keep them guarded. ...I still wonder why they wanted us to hide them though...
>>45329706
THAT WAS A THING!?! I thought those were just rumors!
>>45329456
Ohoho, I'm sure you've met plenty of demons, dear, but why would any demon have children OR grandchildren, that's just plain silly.
>>45329459
Well, if you really must know...
The secret ingredient isLove
But don't tell anybody! *wink*
>>45329753
You're missing the point right now.
>Points a finger at >>45329780
She is adorable and we need to clear out those rats. For cookies...
>>45329689
Back in my day, we converted evildoers to corpses, and that worked just fine.
>>45329829
Yeah we're all expected to be tolerant and understanding. This new age progression garbage is really bringing me down. I mean, when I was just a monk people liked to hear what I said. Then I became a drunken master and now people find everything abhorrent. I just don't know anymore...
>>45329829
Yeah well your day was....
>Marth would take a minute to look of Wozzy's file
>He'd instead find no listed age.
Uhhhh....?
>>45329891
Still ongoing, buddy.
>>45329937
You could have at least put your date of birth.
>>45329966
...I don't remember. Look, it's been a long time, ok? I stopped casting the youthifying spells because they got in the way of my fireballs, but I still haven't dropped yet.
>>45329780
> Busts in the door
My little spider bots transmitted a message that there were cookies? Don't worry about the cards getting here by the way, my knight Tom went to go get them ahead of me.
(Funny note, the captcha was for cookies)
>>45329966
They didn't have time measurements back then.
>>45330012
Grandmother of pleasantness is offering baked goods and treats if we help clear her basement of rats.
>>45330012
>>45330024
Yeah, but I'm still kinda skeptical about the whole thing... It isn't the first time I've had an elderly woman offer us cookies if we killed all the rats in her basement.
>>45330046
>>45330082
Hmmm... I'd go for it... but if she doesn't turn out to be an arch-demon of gluttony or whatever... then my solution would probably just make a red mess of her basement and she'd need to hire someone else to clean up the dead rats, cause I aint touching them. Not touching them when alive for that matter. Rats are gross.
Grosser than that spin the bottle session with the bullywug.
Ick.
>>45330082
>Stomps back inside with a trio of carts tied together, filled with dire rat corpses.
Grandmother should get to baking. In the meantime, now we have something to lure the owlbears into negotiations.
>>45330182
How are you constantly beating me to quest rewards?! I literally defy logic and the laws of existence!
>Swings back another gulp of wine.
>>45330182
How the...?
>He'd look to where the drunk monk was, and then back to where he would be.
.... I'm not even going to ask...
>>45330212
Sohai, we've crossed paths how many times in places that neither of us should ever have been or cloud have reasonably been. I don't question how you manage to escape an anti-magic cage made from metalline. You don't ask how I constantly beat you into the fray or completely tasks so quickly!Oh God my captcha is cookies now too!
>>45330212
>>45330182
Seriously... how do you people do this sort of thing?
>>45330310
There's a trick to that actually. You don't use the magic on the cage, just the floor, and you use the floor to call up a golem so big it busts the cage.. and your ribs, but the point is my way works.
Greetings fellow adventurers. I bring pleasant news! Millien Faux, Bard at Large, Takin Care of Business the sequel to my previous work Millien Faux: Bard at Large is finally on shelves at a local store near you! BUY A COPY AND READ IT
>>45330321
I usually just heat some dried corn kernels over a fire... hey, it makes a tasty snack don't judge me... and sit back when this kind of thing happens.
>>45330321
Two Draconic Curses, Sibrys Dragonmarks of passage, years of alcoholism and the simple fact that I've punched a Demi-God so hard that whenever he hears my name spoken he still flinches.
>>45330321
I'm sober AND competent.
>>45330394
I think half of us have done that.
>>45330387
I think you mean to say "Cornpopers"
>>45330430
Is that what they're called around here? Didn't realize they even had a name for it in this country.
>>45330430
>>45330420
>Gives Drakon and Marth the most incredulous and contempt filled gaze, still coupled with a completely blank expression on his face.
>>45330482
Would you damn well stop CHANGING YOUR NAME! The files are having a hard time keeping up...
>>45330523
>Flips off Sohai as he leaves the dire rat corpse filled carts in the middle of the meeting hall, walking backwards out the door again.
>>45330552
HEY! Get back here right now! Clean up your damn mess or hire someone to do it!
>>45330383
Then there's this asshole pushing his scrolls of recorded song...
>Lunges at the front cart and drags them away towards the arena.
GGGRRRRHHHUUUUUOOOT!
>>45330582
We really do need to lock the doors during meetings don't we...
>>45330383
I'll buy your book if you buy mine.
>Pulls out a tome called "The Mage's Guild is Decadent and Depraved"
>>45330633
OH SHIT! ONE OF THEM ESCAPED!!!! This only goes to prove my>>45330643 point!
>>45330633
...well that just happened...
>>45330643
Yeah, yeah we do...
>summons several bloody wagons filled with cookies and various other pastries (baked with love)
Val iffus noa yava, tu'a juul dryun si gallat, kell nof
Thank you again, youngsters.
>disappears in a puff of black fire and smoke
>>45330688
GOD DAMMIT! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!
>>45330671yeah we know but don't care, try joining both
>>45330688
Oh come on! ...wait are those oatmeal raisin with a buttermilk frosting glaze? Okay, we're going to be fine now...
>>45330523
It's a little hard to decide on one I really like OK! I would stick with the one my parents gave me but, I mean, who is going to respect a girl named Bloodhammer?
>>45330633
>>45330688
>Grabs a handful of brownies
I don't even care where these came from anymore, this Owlbear situation is starting to stress me out...
>>45330738
Uhm....>>45330633 THAT'S STILL A THING!
>>45330688
>a bright blue skeleton walks over to one of the carts, and takes as much as it can carry.
>>45330764
>the skeleton ignores the owlbear, and walks away
>>453307251. Can I start my own guild? 2. How does one maintain a quality atmosphere? These guilds seem a bit too random and silly.
>>45330764
>Hordes all the oatmeal cookies by piling them into his bag of holding.
I stopped questioning these things. If the Owlbear needed something from us, it would have growled.
>>45330781Think of a guild and start it, thats what I did a few weeks ago (usually we get more but the mages guild showed up when they're usually on fridays) Never expect a quality atmosphere, you get what you can and you enjoy it. Otherwise you're looking to do a quest (Even they get silly sometimes) You can try to do Penal Regiment, but again, it still gets silly cause people want a good time
>>45330582
Come along, friend. On those long journeys what better way to wind down by the campfire than to read of a handsome and dashing bards even more long and interesting journeys!
>>45330654
And for you my Wizard friend, maybe it's time I join this Mage's guild? Ohohohohoho
>>45330781If you're looking for less of a fun time I suggest the archives. Things are more serious and it's more of a serious setting
>>45330839How DARE you say anything other than "Penal Regiment is amazing"?! Ron tries hard, damn you!
>>45330633
>>45330764
>Raises a staff with the words "No Quarter" carved into the sides, and plenty of other things besides, and begins prodding the owlbear back
>>45330880
"Not the fun kind of decadent and depraved, you dolt! The other kind!"
>>45330887I'm not complaining XD I do love it! STOP YELLING AT ME DAD! -cries-
>>45330880
I can literally punch you so hard that you'll land on the moons surface...
>>45330883Hey we tried serious last week and RNGesus made it abundantly clear that it was NOT okay for us to do.
>>45330887I almost joined in there on several occasions. But I don't think that a random veteran with an extreme case of Jesse Ventura from Predator would be a good addition.
>>45330961GOD DAMMIT THE CROSS DIMENSIONAL BARRIERS ARE BREAKING !!!YOU"LL KILL US AND ARE ALTERNATIVES!
>>45330916
I daresay, an unfun form of decadence and depravity? My curiosity grows! Why read your poor attempts at dramatics when I can infiltrate the guild and write my OWN stories?!
>>45330986
The moon you say....COMPLETELY UNTAPPED TERRITORY JUST RIPE FOR EXPLORATION MY GOOD MAN
>>45330986IT"S NOT MY FAULT Criticus damned all of you're rolls while ignoring mine!
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>45330916
Grrrhhhooooo!
>Swats the staff back before it shuffles back through the gates to the arena floor.
>>45330916
Well that's a right shame, looks like I'm keeping up with my clerical duties for a bit longer.
>>45330880
With a bard as dashing as you I could think of much better ways to wind down... ever played hangman? It's really fun!
>Gives a wide "I'm innocent, it's your fault if you think anything I said is dirty" smile.
>>45330986Anything goes, man. I'm an alcoholic scumbag anti-psyker turned alcoholic Inquisitor's acolyte. We have a few xenos, a Rambo-wannabe, a DJ-Dreadnought, and an Assault Marine with a terrifying secret. You'd fit in, whether you play a silly or serious character.
Rolled 11 (1d20)
>>45331036
>Sohais Dragonmarks begin to shine brightly under his robes, the monk making a lurching motion before heaving his right fist under the bards chin for a vicious uppercut.
>>45331036
Let's just say that what they do is pleasing to Slaanesh and Slaanesh alone.
>>45331009OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING
>>45331041
>Continues to force the owlbear back with his No Quarterstaff
>>45331048
>PTSD Activated
AH! Sorry dearest, but I tend to avoid games named after any of my previous avoided dark fates. You can read more about it in chapter 6 of Book one! Until then perhaps you could teach me this new game of luck and chance!
>>45331086your "Haduken" Fucking failed XD
Well... That was rather anti-climatic...
>>45331097
>Stops pulling the dire rat corpse filled carts and blankly stares with an expression of annoyance at the Wyzzard
Grrrrrr-UUUHHOOOO!
>>45331048
...What the hell is wrong with this Guild...Also JUST realized your name is a reference to LoL
>>45331120Shoryuken and it seems that my terrible luck with rolls has carried from tabletop to /tg/... The only man alive with worse luck is Will Wheaton.
>>45331183BUZZING!
>>45331120
>>45331086Anticlimactic with Millien Faux: Bard at Large?! We can't have that!
>Moves into the way of the mighty blow resulting in more than a few things in the bard's head getting rattled before hitting the floor in a lump
This...Is nowhere near the moon my good man...
>>45331097
I'll take that Slaaneshi pleasure pit now friend...
>>45331207
I'm most embarrassed. I forgot to drink before I swung!
>>45331114
Well, until the cards get here that'll be a little hard... but it just looks like drawing a card has some sort of random effect on the world, killed the guy I won them from... we'll see how that works on game night...
I'm probably gonna get banned from bringing games again is how this is gonna work isn't it...
Won't be as messy as the Ursine Roulette at least... that was a pain to clean up.
>>45331160Is it now? I imagine I wasn't necessarily very clever with the naming but I'm not familiar enough with LoL to reference it unfortunately.
>>45331207
>>45331236
You're all idiots... I can see now why Nyle is contemplating retirement to one of the outer planes...
>>45331138
>stops
There's more if you behave.
>>45331266
I think all that time I spent in the basement last week allowed the curse of misfortune to seep into my essence.
>>45331283
GRRRRHOOOO!
>Drags the carts through the arena gates and bars them from the other side.
>>45331254
Wohoho! Are you telling me someone in this humble guild has been capable of designing the mighty dire bear launcher necessary for Ursine Roulette?!
>>45331236
Then clearly the next round is on me!
>Orders up a healthy mug for everyone
The sales on my last book are doing quite well you see
>>45331332
Uhm... Aren't Nyle and the other Delegates in there?
>>45331359
What kind of pansies do you take us for? DIRE bears? HA! We use OWLBEARS!
>>45331301
Now hold on friend, I haven't cursed you and if I did my curse wouldn't seep. It would explode. Repeatedly. Only way to be sure anyone stays down around here.
>>45331359
It was an effort. I mostly jury-rigged a ballista for the purposes. I'm not allowed near the siege workshops anymore.
>>45331413
It was still a stroke of genius to use those dragon wing bones that have been going to waste...
>>45331413
> -_-
You blew them up if I recall....
>>45331332
>interposes himself between the owlbear and the other carts, hitting him with the stick again
"YOU! SHALL! NOT! PASS! BITCH!"
>>45331399
My gods....How could I have been so naive.... FORGIVE GOOD HUMBLE MAN FOR MY ERRORS!
>>45331413
I would love to see the notes on such a device, our prototypes back home always seem to fall short.
Rolled 8 (1d20)
>>45331489
>Snaps his beak at the stick.
>>45331519
Well... part of the reason it was an "incident" was because once I got it to START firing Owlbears... there was a bit of trouble stopping... I hope the ones in the basement aren't holding any grudges...
Rolled 2 (1d20)
>>45331554
>staff crackles with incapacitating Wyzzardry
>>45331569
I don't know... Why don't you ask >>45331554
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>45331602
>Lunges at the Wyzzard with open arms.
>>45331569
>>45331607
Yes indeed there new found sentience might give you more insight to that. Why DON'T you ask our new feathery companion?!
>Takes out pen and paper
AND I CAN RECORD IT
Rolled 2 (1d20)
>>45331617
>holds the no quarterstaff out to brace for chargeripperoni
Rolled 12 (1d20)
>>45331666
>Plucks the Wyzzard up, rolls the old timer around in his arms to gain momentum and flings him down the hall in a somersaulting motion, as if the old man were a bowling ball.
>>45331666Wow you are simply COMPIRSED OF FAIL!
>>45331666Our fucking rolls man...
>>45331626
This seems like a very poor idea.
>>45331681
>hits the wall with a sickening, wet, thud
>>45331626
>>45331607
Simple. Rule 1 of The Great Game.
> Pulls a cardboard game box out of her bag and reads from the back of the lid
Wait... Rule 1 is to not lose your soul. I was looking for Rule 2. Don't Die. I tend to avoid potentially angry things. Especially when they're tossing the wizard around like a wet blanket.
>>45331729
>Winces at the sight before shambling over and prodding Wozzy.
Get up Wozzy you're the only one who can back our proof over what happened in the basement last week!
>>45331710
Poor ideas make for a rich story my good humble monk.
>>45331735
Worry not. I've traveled this realm four times over and back again, and have encountered many a beast such as this. That disposition is totally innocent friendship I assure you.
>>45331775
Wait, proof about what now?
>>45331735
This sounds like a terrible game...
>>45331775
I'll be fine. Find chunks of guys like him in my stool.
>Doesn't get up
Just give me some time to remember how to walk again...
>>45331729
>Snorts/hoots and returns to the arena floor where the owl bear village is being built.
>>45331837
"You can't build without hands! BITCH!"
>>45331837
I really hope Nyle is ok...
>>45331868
Owl bears have opposable claws...
>heavy breathing
>>45331805
Well there's no win condition and the only setup is to have a soul. It's not the finest game I've played but it is the longest running. Though I intend to go for a record... soon as I can extract the secret to immortality out of someone. I guess the biggest blessing is that those are the only two rules, anything else is fair game as far as The Lady is concerned... and there is the listed "Goal" of having fun too.
Rolled 1 + 50 (1d20 + 50)
>>45331836
>Pours some of the contents of his wineskin into a cup and hands it over.
Drink, this shit puts fire in ice and life in death.
>>45331805
He was there. We had a Pit Lord flinging imps at our faces when we went into the basement last week.
>>45331897
hahahahaha
>>45331897NOOOOOOOO! MY BLUFFS!
>>45331897Ho boy, look at that die roll.
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>45331922I will find you... and I will kill you...
>>45331897
Yeah... I was one of the people sent to end the invasion... We only found 4 Imp's on that level...
>Marth begins writing something down
>>45331996
not with those bitch ass rolls.
>>45332004
>heavy breathing
Rolled 13 (1d20)
>>45331996FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
>>45332004
Ummm.... it threw FIVE and a sixth escaped. One of the five was a pile of ash. The Pit Lord ran from us and the last imp ran after it.
>>45331897
My word what kind of basement is this?!
>>45332038
Clip-Clip! There you are! Where have you been? We needed you last week.
>the door is slammed open
Evening, primitives!
Here a tip for you would be drinkers, don't attempt to mix spider venom into cinna-ale in an attempt to improve its spicy quality.
>vomits on the door
Right, so what seems to be going on?
>>45332072
GRRRHOOO!
>>45332059
Sounds like the kind that knows how to host a party. If the Owlbears weren't on the large, I'd go set something up. Like a bouncy house. A bouncy house with explosive traps.
>>45332072
Well look what the Owlbear dragged in... The one who caused this meeting to happen
>>45332061
me is being held by leetle gerl. she dress me in dress.
>>45332091
Fun for the whole family I'd say
>>45332084
Wow, we actually agree on something.
>>45332072
This seems like my kinda guy.
>>45332084
Yes, yes, you're welcome I know I'm such a nice person. Disgusting animal.
>>45332098
I'm glad I can spice things up around here. Someone has to do it eh, Champion Blighter?
Rolled 3 + 20 (1d20 + 20)
>>45332105
I am sure you were also the prettiest princess too. We've got problems. Problems that only a dragonic beast like you can solve! Owlbears are out in the arena and your insight would be greatly appreciated oh mighty wyrm!
>Bluffing to bolster the cutebolds confidence and ego to coax him into conversation so nobody asks about the basement last week.
>>45332143
He said "Fuck this guy."
>>45332156
shoot them?
>>45332180
>fuck
>>45332156
Yeah... That's not gonna work... I'll be letting Nyle know about this. Whenever he get back
>>45332174
Gurrrrhoooo...
>Standing in the middle of the Hall as if calling those present to attention.
>>45332205
Since I'm new to the area I gotta ask.
Whose this Nyle you keep talkin about, Cap'n.
>>45332219
He's the leader of the Miner Spelunkers' Guild.
>>45332112
See, that's what I tried to tell the patent office, but they wouldn't talk until I agreed to leave my spider robots back at home. Apparently the secretary guy had arachnophobia and I think it botched the whole meeting. Ended up calling me insane he did.
>>45332214
Uh, before you start... sorry for launching your friends into a hell portal... well... it might not have been a hell portal but after so many owl bear corpses pile up it... I'll shut up now.
>>45332219
He's the Guild Master... But he and a few others left earlier to deal with the Owlbears... Don't really know how.
>>45332214
Well now... Lets see what it wants.
>>45332205
Fine I'll come clean...
The basement is a cesspool of bad luck and poor experiences. Two peoples who had no right or could logically get their shit slapped by a group of imps came close to experiencing just that. I'm warning you, the pride of Wozzy and myself will not stand for that sort of encounter.
>>45332180
Close enough.
passes out
>>45332233
So are you gonna try and fix the shit fest you started by accidentally making sentient owlbears?
Quick question - has anyone checked whether the effects on these owlbears have left them...oh, I don't know...perhaps a bit more palatable? Edible?
In other news, we're starting to run low on materials for the Surprise-Wings-And-Ale Combination. Stop swiping snacks from the kitchen, you lot!
>>45332288
...
...
...
No.
kekekekeke
>>45332246
Arachnophobia I daresay has been the downfall of many promising endeavors. Such as my elite guard of trained eldritch knights atop giant armored spiders.
>>45332253
That seems....fairly reckless for a guildmaster....He's well equipped I can hope.
>>45332303that fucking name XD
Great... Another thing to worry about.
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>45332246
>Snorts/Hoots it's aggravation over the tirade.
Grrruuuuhooooo.... HOOT! Hoooo-hoooOOO. Brghhh.
>Stares at the moon light trickling into the meeting hall, walking on it's hind legs to a table. It's feathered claws opening, it leaned on the table top, it's head hung over shaking. It briefly stared down at the floor before staring outside at the moonlight again, longingly.
HOOOO!
>Turns quickly and points an almost accusing talon at the guild.
Grrrrrhooo. BRUUGH!
>Snorted exhale from it's beak. It's eyes almost searching into the faces of those assembled.
Hoot...
>>45332303
THE WINGS ARE RUNNING LOW?! CALL THE LOCAL LORD, THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
HOW CAN I PERFORM UNDER THESE CONDITIONS
>>45332326
>Applauds
Okay, you make fair points and this level of imprisonment is wrong for anything other than the worst criminals. You would need to speak to Nyle to figure out the rest of this.
>>45332326
Boy this Owlbear sure is a real hoot!
>>45332340
>THe fighter would simply let out a sigh
No body asked you to perform...
>>45332323
Well, if /some/ fucking donkeys would stop stealing shite from my kitchen, we'd have wings for days.
At least the ale stock is good. Which reminds me, if I catch another one of you moppets trying to breach a cask again, you're going to end up next Thor's Day's Sapphire Plate Special!
>>45332326
...
...
I think it wants us to worship its moon god or something.
I don't think The Lady would appreciate me converting.
>>45332353
Grrrrhhoooo...
>>45332361
BRGGGRRRHHH!
>>45332373
Hoo?
>>45332363
I beg to disagree!
>Pulls out the formal request submitted in triplicate
I was requested to perform here three weeks ago by the guildmaster....who signed his name as....The guildmaster....
>>45332326
...bloody hell, you don't like ranch dressing?
Shite, I'll have the waiter boiled in chip oil. Honey garlic better, or would you prefer hot-and-sour?
>>45332410
.... You really want me to believe that... especially when you're holding a dirty napkin.
>>45332373
I agree with Ur-hoot'sa the Owlbear Emissary. Religion has nothing to do with this. They just want to leave without being followed.
>>45332442
Without a bloody bag lunch? Are you daft?
>>45332442
Grrruhh.
>Nods
>>45332419
>Waves a dismissive hand.
>>45332442
Spider excrement!
They can't leave!
Who will watch over my pilfered treasures from the Mages Gui- err, I mean, various trinkets generously donated by the nice magic users?
>>45332442
Well, in that case I have no issues... so long as I don't have to start watching my back. Well, more than I already do... I mean... ask the bard, I got a nice back... but I'd rather be contemplating my derrierre and not trying to catch would-be owl-bear assassins.
>>45332442
I can agree to that!
>In would walk Nyle Ransdorm, Guild Master of the World famous Adventurers Guild, his body beaten and bruised, but a cheerful look on his face
>>45332313
>Picking up a literal silver plater, Nyle would smack the Drow upside his head.
Quit being an ass and accept your punishment for stealing magic items and over feeding the Owlbears
>>45332432
If I didn't know any better I'd think you were calling me a liar, good sir. I'm in demand I'll have you know, and it's not easy to get in contact with one who travels as much as I!
>>45332470
Right, honey garlic AND hot-and-sour.
Will that be with or without the Joyful Dinner Toys?
>>45332492
Also, oy, what are you doing with my platters!
>>45332491
Don't ask the bard ask me. Her rump is most splendid and jiggles with most excellency. ...uh, not that I ended up waking up in the rafters over the ladies showers and changing room again.
>>45332503
>Points upwards and nods.
>>45332476
GRRRHOOO!
>>45332492
Hoot!
>His eyes narrow with more than a little malice.
>>45332536
The defense stands. And moves up plans to booby trap all the rafters of this place.
>Thumbs up
>>45332568
Booby trapped with spiders maybe?!
>>45332558
Hey! Don't blame me! Human rights only apply to those with some semblance of sentience.
>>45332568My attack and social rolls might be trash but I damn near never fail the reflex saves that I get for basically anything that can happen.
It was not deliberate!
>>45332592
Grrrhooo...
>Turns around, leaning open palmed on the table again, staring at the moonlight.
Hoo-hoot!
>>45332620
HEY! MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT! And once again, You and your people are free to leave!
>>45332620
>Pats the owlbear on the shoulder
Yes my feathery friend. I too long to one day visit the great silver sphere in the sky. I shall write a ballad of your legendary longing.
>>45332588
>>45332593
Explosive mechanical spiders. The only things more fun than a rousing game of Monopoly. Strip rules optional.I'll keep that in mind, considering I just kind of waltzed in here and started making jokes from my characters point of view, I don't think I'm ready to give any of Fortuna's "Well, I'm less of a cleric and more of an engineer who happens to be a devout follower/chosen one" bark any bite.
All of you can understand what this...thing is saying?
And I thought I was the one suffering from spider venom induced insanity.
>>45332641
>Shrugs as it returns to the arena floor to deliver the news to it's people.
>>45332662
Can we place eldritch knights atop these mechanical monstrosities?! That would surely surpass the fun of a rousing game of monopoly! My Spider Rider unit is my dream you see, but nobody seems to be capable of taming a giant spider well enough for practical use in combat.
>>45332670
>Once again, Nyle would smash the silver platter against the back of the drow's head
You need to open your mind. and also need to learn to NOT OVER FEED THE OWLBEARS!
>>45332662lol no worries. Sohai is well into epic levels and built to piss off his enemies. Evasion and utili-tank at it's pinnacle.
I've had worse. Besides the only woman for me is waiting in the next world.
>>45332700
Oy!
Muck with my platters again, and you're not getting a toy with your Jumbo Red Dragon Hot Fries with Salamander Salsa!
>>45332706
>>45332698
>>45332670
So what did we figure out for this Thursday?
>>45332745
...I want an order of that.
>>45332698
Hmm... I think scaling them up might not be a good idea... the clockwork would have too many exposed points and larger gears would grind together... I mean, if you happen to know any pixies in need of a mount then by all means, I'll draft up a modified version of my little spy-derbots. As opposed to the explosive ones.
>>45332706
As I mentioned earlier... repeated explosions seem to be the only way to keep anyone down around here.
>>45332745
I damn well paid for them! and I pay your wages!
>>45332749
This helmet of mine was the greatest investment I have ever made.
>>45332762
You have no idea how much this amuses me.
>>45332749
I didn't learn a thing.
>>45332749
Well, soft plans are that my new friend, Bob the eternally loyal, is off to my new castle to fetch a funny little tarot deck I won off a guy in a game when it killed him! I promise it's significantly less likely to end in fountains of blood than the Ursine Roulette!
>>45332779
>WIth a sigh, Nyle would use his strength to simply rip the helmet off your head before getting back to smacking you repeatedly with the platter
>>45332771
And for what you pay me I oughta smack YOU with that platter.
Now put it down or no toy for you!
>>45332760
ONE ORDER OF JUMBO HOT RED DRAGON FRIES WITH SALAMANDER SALSA!
You want an ale with that?
>>45332796
One of these days, Bile, one of these days.
Now if you all will excuse me, I have some loot that needs to change location.
>>45332796
>Applauds this sight. Two dozen owlbears loaded in 3 carts full of dead dire rats, scrap wood, sacks and meals file out of the guild hall. The Emissary turns and stares inside with a deep breath.
HOOT!
>Nods sagely as the owlbears leave.
>>45332749
It seems to me were looking at pixie knights astride mechanical spiders cockfights. That's just my suggestion. I'm a fan.
>>45332824
Nah I'm good.
>>45332796
HA!
>>45332837
>Gives a concerned look as the last owlbear leaves. Waits a moment until silence fell.
Okay, so to anyone who didn't catch that last part, it was beautiful. Also keep away from those owlbears. They're taking all the magical gear with them.
>>45332831
Oh don't worry about that my friend!
>The Guild master would have a devilish smile on his face
I gave it away to the owlbears as compensation. Turns out they need to stay near it in order to stay sentient
Raven's fuzzy tits, were that a fookin' Owlbear jus' then like?
>>45332878
Yes ma'am! Those were indeed Owlbears! Sentient might I add thanks to our resident Moron and Dark Elf Dirjin
>>45332878
Honest! The strangest shite has happened the last two weeks!
>>45332878
>Throws confetti that might or might not be made from torn book pages
Yes! They left so I don't have to convert to their moon cult, lovely as it was!
I think that's what was going on in any case. Still no idea how you guys can speak Owlbear.
>>45332875
You monster!
If you would have simply let me remove the magical items, they would've returned to their happy ignorance!
Something you all are more than accustomed to, kekekekeke.
>>45332914
You pick up a few things on the road.
>>45332907
I've been hear all of but ten minutes, and I think it's a good time my friend.
>>45332914
>Has a panic attack
YOU'VE SHREDDED MY LATEST VOLUME! HOW COULD YOU!?
And ya better not give me that 'like this' and proceed to tear up more shite.
>>45332921
Well at least I'm not dressed like a hentai villain who can't get any!
>>45332905
>>45332907
>>45332914
Well what the shite lads, I go 'cross Ironpeaks for a wee while fo' contract on a Frost Wyrm or two and yous bastards are 'avin' cosy fookin' fireside diplomatics wit' fookin' Owlbears.
>Dusts confetti out of her substantial eyebrows and gives Sohai and bear hug.
Yous smell like pickled eggs, boyo. Makin' me hungry like.
>>45332914
Tongues of Sun and Moon, members of my order, before I became the last standing, understand nearly all spoken or motioned language. It's a fine art of reading the simplest gestures, pitches and tones. It was giving quite the impassioned speech earlier, how even what we call lowly animals do not deserve such conditions. I mean it was strange to hear it's thoughts on how it was okay with that happening to what was going to be a meal but that was for hunting capture, not prolonged captivity.
Then there were it's complaints that none of the spiders that were swarming around them tasted decent.
>>45332951
Look at me, do I look like that sort of villain to you?
>>45332965
>Returns the squeezing as much as he could.
Lass you've got the stink of blood and steel on you. I bet you've got some tales of a good fight in store, aye? Come now lets hear it!
>Hands her his second wineskin and drags a bench and table over.
>>45332942
Correction, the Spy-derbots shredded a copy of your last volume. I bought three just 5 minutes ago.
>>45332977
I have no apologies for wanting a closer look at things which might or might not have wanted to murder me for accidentally killing about 50 of them before I was able to break the launcher, Dragon wing bones might have been the trick to upgrading the ballista, but they damn well make it hard to put an emergency stop on it.
>>45332981
Oh, my apologies! I forgot to add BALD! BALD! BAAAAAAAALD! SO BALD! BAAAAALD! IT BURNS! BAAAALD! Is that better?
>>45333034
>Collects himself
Oh well if you've already purchased it your free to do as you please. Supply and demand and what not. Now about those mini spiderbots with pixie mounts... How soon could they be ready....
>>45333040
Cool guy. I like this guildmaster. Might write a song about this guy.
>>45333040
Alright, outside lets go, right now.
Should've offed you in that village when I had the chance.
>>45333099
>Nyle would simply smack you in the back of the head with a dirty bug smacker
Quiet you. The Clip-Clip is sleeping
>Stomps back in.
Who is the one letting those damned beasts make off with my carts?! I go to eat and I come back to the sight of owlbears leaving town with loot and my carts. Damn it Sohai this was your doing wasn't it?
>>45333129
No, that would be mine!
>He'd say with a hearty chuckle that was much louder then Dirjins whiny bitching.
>>45333033
>Sits down and drops a sack on the table. The contents continues to undulate of its own accord.
Canna stop too long So, gots ta' make sure I gets the goods ta' alchemist guild while they still be fresh, tho' I reckon it still has a day or two o' beatin' yet 'fore it stops.
>She takes the wineskin with a polite nod and take a swig before taking a moment to look around.
So, tha' fook did I miss?
