"fuck it, I'm bored."
those were the first words spoken by the creator of your universe.
what kind of quest are you in? is it lewd? is it action packed?
>write in
>>43532488
It starts in a forest with an elf. Not just any elf. A female dark elf.
It is extremely self-referential and everyone is aware of just how many boxes they live in.
>>43532488
>>43532529
>>43532531
You open your eyes, the nights rest have provided naught but dreams full of blue boxes.
You look yourself over.
You are xerxiphena, ravishing dark elf ranger.
You know that you are quick and deadly. A dark, beautiful grace filling your every movement. you are a shadow, and a shadow with quire a good bow arm at that.
you also appear to be naked in the woods.
What do?
>>43532693
Find a box. And find arms.
>>43532693
Look for a source of water.
>>43532693
Masturbate
>>43532731
you feel a deep thirst welling inside you.
creeping through the blindingly bright light, you happen upon a stream. perhaps "stumble into" is the right word. there is a road nearby.
>>43532772
lying in a wet ditch, you decide nows as good a time as any.
>>43532712
finding your arms, you navigate them to your box
>>43532810
Drink from the stream until satisfied then walk along the road.
>>43532810
Go on, start pressing and sliding.
Then start thinking about light elf chicks.
>>43532810
as you go at it, you hear the thudding of hooves through the ground.
you have been discovered by a youth group from the local lawful good temple.
quickly! what do you do?
>>43532861
bite yourself
>>43532908
WHICH PART OF YOURSELF?
>>43532861
Plead for help.
>>43532915
The bottom lip.
>>43532861
>>43532918
Say a wizard cast invisibility on your clothes.
>>43532908
>>43532943
>>43532949
>>43532918
Biting your lip, you continue to go at it. the youth pastor has begun to stammer out something about sin, but you assure him that youve been cursed.
the color leaves his face. he barks at a pair of well dressed members of the party to run back to town and fetch a local wizard.
he assures you that everything will be alright. but asks that you please try and stop masturbating.
>>43532993
Obey like a dog, and stop.
>>43533039
you stop. your just messing with the poor kid now.
"gee. you just cast the curse right out of me. however can i repay you?" you say, standing up and revealing all of you.
you are not a nice person.
He stumbles for a bit at the sight of youre full body, but attests that your safety is enough. he might suggest you come to mass at the temple at some point, but he quickly adds that that would be taking advantage of a person in need.
>>43533101
Tell him that she's taking advantage of him by denying the offer.
>>43533101
Suggest that you take his mass.
>>43533101
bite off your fingers
>>43533195
you say taking mass sounds very appealing, "but probably not like he thinks."
he seems very flustered now.
as you move towards him, licking your lips, he yelps and sprints off down the road.
you are now alone.
>>43533340
Enter the forest.
>>43533340
hang upside-down from the branches of a tree
Oh god, we've gone full circle. I don't even know what to say.
>>43533368
you laugh out loud at your emotional manipulation. you bet hell be having some interesting feelings to laud at confession.
with nothing better to do, you run out into the wilds of the forest again.
>>43533381
you gaily flit between the trees, climbing, laughing and at one point hanging upside down.
you have discovered a clearing, containing a sparkling blue pool of water. wildflowers blanket the ground, and the area exudes a serene calm.
(i just realized im picturing all this in phil foglios artstyle. fuck.)
The breeze blows gently through the trees.
>>43533464
(alright fine, ill keep this moving.)
peering out over the water, it whips into a frenzy, swirling and thrashing about.
the figure of a niad rises from the center.
"why have you come here, daughter of lolth? this place needs not your sin-ridden touch."
not very warm, is she?
what do you say?
>>43533667
Who is it up to decide whether or not this place needs it?
>>43533690
"who are you to decide that?"
the naiad seems angered by your words.
"i am one of the forests guardians. you should watch your tongue."
"sez who?"
the naiad is peeved.
"listen, leave this place at once, or i will be forced to take measures."
>>43533764
Don't leave.
>>43533788
you plop down on the grass and stick your tongue out at the naiad. she lets out a foamy ripple of annoyance.
"very well. i know how to deal with your kind all too well."
she lets out a high piched gurgle, and you find yourslef flanked by a pair of forest elves. both of them have friendly faces and flower in their hair.
they are stronger then they look.
>>43533827
Draw your bow and shoot both of them in the head.
>>43533827
as they hold you down, a third party has begun to braid you hair.
the naiad has begun to laugh. "i know just how to push the buttons of drow. how to manipulate them just right. youll be a very cute forest elf. petit, innocent..." she lets out a deep gurgling laugh.
roll 1d20 strength check to escape their hold!
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>43533875
>>43533884
greater than ten! that's all it'll take!
you wrench yourself upwards and off the ground.
you run like mad. you dont want to spend any more time with this bitch and her weird ass reverse-corruption fetish. running back towards the road, you have run right into an orcish caravan.
The driver of the cart you've collided with looks in your direction.
"you need help miss?" she proffers.
what say?
>>43533941
Fuck me silly
>>43533941
"fuck me silly." you say, in the conversational equivalent of flipping a table covered in fine china.
fortunately, she gives naught but a hearty laugh.
"so your one of those elves, huh? tell ya what, you make me laugh, so ill let you ride for a while. you want to borrow a shirt?"
>accept offer and shirt
>accept only ride
>dont accept
>write in
>>43534051
>Accept shirt and ride her
>>43534077
"id appreciate both. i don't remember how i got out here..."
she lets out another chuckle.
"alrighty. come on up. shirts in the chest to your left inside. dont wake up grak, he had a long night last night."
"thanks. whats your name? you can call me xeffie."
"im hishka. were headed south, so if you hate sand you might want to get off before we hit dirkistar."
"youre going all the way to dirkistar?"
"yup. then its east to goot, then northwards to hrang. just like last year."
>talk
>rest
>admire view
>write in
Wake up grak with a handjob
>>43534158
just chat
>>43534301
are you really going to get us thrown off this cart within half an hour of riding?
>>43534158
talk
>>43534337
>>43534330
The rumble of the caravans wheels thunders on.
"so what do you guys do? just travel?"
"we do theatre. all around the continent in 1 year. were thinking of performing "Urst Nimblefinger and the thimble of Trist."
roll 1d20 for knowledge:theatre
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>43534386
>>43534498
Oh bother.
>>43534498
Your mind draws a blank. brief recollections of dwarves and bawdy god shenanigans flit through your mind, but you cant remember much.
hishka takes your silence exactly as it was meant.
"its alright. its an old dwarf play. urst steals the thimble of the dwarven god of love, and uses it to sew romance between people. grak dug it up in a bookstore a few towns ago. say... can you act?"
>write in
>>43534571
"Only during a rainstorm. Religion, see."
>>43534571
"Only during a rainstorm. Religion, see."
she nods emphatically.
"well, youve got the looks to play Trist. maybe Itll rain."
the sun has begun to lower. a while back, the treeline gave way to grassy plains, and the call has been given to circle the wagons.
as soon as the roadside circle is complete, a disturbing amount of life enters the air. there are quite a few people, animals, and even children.
>wait
>talk
>write in
>>43534742
Begin to sing
>>43534897
Badly.
>>43534897
>>43534912
you attempt to sing a piece of music you half remember from a tavern performer several years ago. you are not a very good singer.
a human man has come around the side of the wagon.
"oh, hello miss. sorry, i thought someone was doing something terrible to a cat."
"oh.. no, dont worry, no injured cats here."
"shame. theres good meat on those, and the soups no good with nothing but stones."
what do?
>>43534994
"would anyone lend me a bow? i could go catch a rabbit or something. if it would help."
>>43534994
Punch him in the mullet for insulting our singing! We may not be the best (or even at all good), but who is he to judge us?
>>43535006
"would anyone lend me a bow? i could go catch a rabbit or something. if it would help."
he mulls it over for a minute, then pops back." i think dad has a bow somewhere. ill go get it. thanks for the help miss."
he returns with a simple wooden bow, weathered, but functional.
theres a quiver of 6 arrows tied around the top.
accepting it, you head out into the plains.
now then, keeping in mind something really big wont keep, maybe a few rabbits or a moderately sized deer would do.
roll 1d20 for tracking
>>43535069
>mullet
I swear, I meant to type 'gullet'. Go with whichever you prefer, OP.
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>43535070
>>43535084
>>43535069
now im sad i didnt see this until after writing the next update ah well.
>>43535121
Do it when we return!
>>43535102
you track a small trail and find a jackalope den. theres only three of them, and the fight is quick.
sauntering back into camp, you find mullet readying a big cooking pot. you give him a quick punch as retribution for insulting your singing, and drop the jackalope at his feet.
he wheezes a thank you
>wait for dinner
>try and find hishka
>talk to someone else
>write in
>>43535185
Tell him he better not touch the eyes.
They're the best part.
Then wait for dinner, I guess.
>>43535222
"save the eyes. they're better raw."
you wander off and find a comfy sack to sit on.
around a half an hour of cloud watching later, the rattling cacophony of a dinner bell fills the circle. mullet has dragged the big pot into the center of everything.
"its soup!" he declares enthusiastically. "made with fresh jackalope!"
one hearty meal later, and the circle appears to be bustling again, but with a different conversation on the air.
END OF THREAD
thanks for playing, people numbered somewhere between 1 and 4. ill see you again, possibly earlier in the day. who knows.
No Brads/10
Shit Quest Quest
>>43532488
