Post your favorite Math/Science Jokes or ones that you've come across! Go!
To start, here's one that I just recently came across:
https://youtu.be/_3p_E9jZOU8?t=639
>It should start at 10:39
>Calculus of Residues
Three logicians are at a bar.
Bartender asks, "Would all three of you like a drink?"
First logician says, "I don't know."
Second logician says, "I don't know."
Third logician says, "Yes."
an engineer walks into a dick
he sucks it
hes a faggot
>B A Z O O P E R
>>7875313
ε < 0
>>7875313
>If you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the precipitate
What's yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice?
>zorn's lemon
>>7875358
Pls explain
Why couldn't K_2,2,2,1 get into the Mobius strip club?
>>7875570
really?
if not all three of them wanted a drink, any one of them could have said no
>>7875570
If the first guy doesn't want a drink, he knows that not all of them want a drink. So the fact that he doesn't know means that he must want one.
The rest of the explanation is left as an exercise for the reader.
>>7875571
Because he was underaged?
>>7875619
A forbidden minor.
>>7875546
Your giphy there reminds me of me the nite you were made.
>>7875313
>An optimist is someone who sees a glass as half-full.
>A pessimist is someone who sees a glass as half-empty.
>An engineer is someone who sees a glass that is designed to hold twice the liquid volume it actually needs to hold.
>>7875570
I hope you're trolling.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a drink and the bartender replies "For you, no charge"
>>7875899
>a mathematician is someone who tries to formalize the notion of "fullness" for general arbitrary dimensional manifolds
>a physicist is someone who claims that the glass is completely full unless in a vacuum
>an engineer is someone who, when asked whether the glass is half full or half empty, slowly begins licking the nearest penile shaft, remembering to cup the balls and rub the anus with his middle finger, gently working his way to complete fellatio
newton, einstein and pascal go on a hide and seek adventure. einstein was the seeker. during the 10 second hiding period, newton drew a 1m by 1m square and stood on it. When einstein opened his eyes, he shouted: " I found you newton!". To which newton replied," no, you found pascal!"
>>7875313
If I wanted a joke I'd ask for your GPA
the only joke here it's the board itself
>>7875313
A math guy and a CS guy go into a bar. The service guy comes and asks "What may I do for you?" The math guy smirks and awkwardly lays his hands on his knees. The CS guy makes a grimace and stares at the waiter for exactly 5 seconds before saying: "I'M GONNA HAVE A COLA AND MY BUD'S DRINKING FANTA".
And that's how the math guy and the CS guy became best friends.
The end.
A physicist is sleeping at night in his bed when he awakens from the smell of smoke. He checks in the kitchen and finds it aflame. The physicist makes some sketches and calculations, then calls the engineer to do the actual work for him.
The engineer, interrupted in his nightly fellatio session, runs to the physicist's aid, looks over the academic's scribbles and pulls out his CAS. He simplifies the equations, adds a 20% safety margin to determine the necessary amount of fire extinguisher and puts out the fire. Returning to his apartment, the engineer comes across the mathematician who is sitting in the hallway. The mathematician angrily demands to know why the engineer is in his apartment, since he redefined the terms "corridor" and "mathematician's apartment" after losing his keys. The engineer tells the mathematician what has happened so far, picks the mathematician's apartment door's lock, lets him back into his room and returns to his own flat to suck more dick.
The next night the mathematician returns home only to realize he still hasn't gotten back his keys, so he breaks into the physicist's apartment and sets the kitchen on fire. He smugly grins and exclaims "now that the problem has been reduced to a known one, the rest is left to the reader as an exercise".
DO YOU GET IT
>>7876332
>nightly fellatio session
>nightly
I don't care if it's a dude, if they get that much action I'm switching disciplines tommorow.
>>7875313
An infinite number of math teachers walk into a bar.
The first asks for a beer.
The second asks for half a beer.
The third asks for a quarter of a beer.
This continues until the 7th teacher places his order, when the bar tender says "Enough!", places two beers on the table and says "You math teachers just don't know your limits."
An angel came down for a meeting of the American Philosophical Association. Greeting the assembled philosophers, the angel offered to answer a single question for them. Immediately the philosophers set to arguing about what they should ask. So the angel said, "Alright, you figure out what you want to ask. I'll come back tomorrow." And he left the philosophers to deliberate.
Some of the philosophers favored asking conjunctive questions, but others argued persuasively that the angel probably wouldn't count this as a single question. One philosopher wanted to ask "What is the best question to ask?", in the hope that some day another angel might make a similar offer, at which point they could then ask the best question. But this suggestion was rejected by those who feared that no such opportunity would arise and did not want to waste their only question.
Finally, the philosophers agreed on the following question: "What is the ordered pair whose first member is the best question to ask, and whose second member is the answer to that question?" Satisfied with their decision, the philosophers awaited the angel's return the next day, whereupon they posed their question. And the angel replied: "It is the ordered pair whose first member is the question you just asked, and whose second member is the answer I am now giving." And then he disappeared.
One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down. He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.
The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.
"This is one third of my monthly salary!" he yelled.
Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him:
"I understand your position as a professor. Why don't you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only seven elementary classes. They don't like educated people."
So it happened. The professor got a plumber job and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.
One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber has to go to evening classes to complete the eight grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students' knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of the circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, he filled the white board with integrals, differentials and other advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result he got "minus pi r squared".
He didn't like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He looked a bit scared at the class and saw all the plumbers whisper:
"Switch the limits of the integral!"
___
and for our weebfriends
>It's a subgroup. [gg] means that it's generated by the product gg for some g in a group G. If G is cyclic and g generates it then [gg] is a subgroup of G.
>>7875923
Top kek
>>7876340
The second one could have been made far more concise. I also prefer the version where it's just one logician who, being a logician, immediately comes up with that question.
>>7876345
All of the plumbers used to be mathematicians?
Why does the chair of the physicis department have 2 girls 1 cup bookmarked on his office computer?
He's trying to renormalize the exchange interaction.
>>7875923
You seem experienced in fellatio, friend
>>7876666
CHECKED AND REKT
>>7876380
The funny thing is that it's accurate. I'm a plumber and I'm currently taking algebraic topology. Three of my plumber friends are STEM PhDs and one is taking GR, going for physics PhD. It's a little more than a few screw but it's still not very much work.
>>7875945
Im ready to die now
>>7876673
Can confirm, I'm a plumber and am currently finishing by thesis on Homotopology. I even got my second assessor from the plumber association.
One for the Germans:
Im 17. Jahrhundert hatten die meisten Leute einen dämlichen Haarschnitt -- aber Isaac hatte Newton.
>>7876666
You have to be qualified for the upcoming singularity
This hyperintelligent robots are going to need stress relief
>>7876820
Speak English fritz
>>7876850
Alright.
> Most people in the 17th century had silly haircuts, except Isaac, who had Newton.
>>7875313
A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer walk into a bar. The physicist walks up to the bar tender and orders the smallest drink on the menu. The mathematician tries to determine a quantity of beers he would like to order but quickly becomes confused because he's a fictionalist. The engineer walks into the bathroom and gets spit-roasted by two black dudes.
>>7876488
Lmao
A male and a female student go to their professor's office hours for a thermodynamics class, with a problem relating three partial derivatives.
"Oil her? I hardly know her!"
Thanks, I'll be here all week.
>>7876820
Samenstau und Karohemd, Ich ben Ingeneurstudent.
>>7877061
Karohemd und Samenstau, ich studier Maschinenbau.
fixed
>>7875475
|a(n)-L|=<|ε|
:^]
>>7875578
>left as an exercise
As a math major, this has become my life
>>7876194
Gotta love amphetamines
wanna hear a joke?
real analysis
go fuck yourself
>>7876332
Whats this meme with enigneers and fellatio?
>>7877629
Just one of those niche, small-board memes.
Side-note: I resent the fact that I now wince a tiny bit every time I write the word "meme."
>>7877072
Hey, that IS better!
thx based kraut
>>7875563
Is that like the Axiom of Evil?
>>7876332
NO. CAN YOUEXPLAIN IT IN CLUMSILY WORDED SENTENCES?
As the waters of the great flood recede Noah's ark comes to rest on the top of Mt. Ararat. Noah gathers all the animals around him.
"Behold," says Noah, "you are saved. Now go forth and multiply."
A small snake speaks up. "But Noah, we can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah considers this for a moment. He takes an axe from the ark and heads into the forest, cuts down a tree, and crafts it into a table.
Later that night Noah gathers the snakes around him.
"Behold," he says,"now you can multiply, even though you are adders. I've made you a table of logs."
>>7876332
I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Thank you.
>>7877629
Its a realy complex inside joke/meme only true oldfags can get
>ENGINEERS ARE FUCKING FAGGOTS
>>7875313
Computer science
>>7878464
But Noah and the flood are bullshit, how am I supposed to find it humorous if it's based on bullshit presumptions?
>>7879536
are you mad you dont get to make 100k starting :^)
>>7876332
I don't get it
>>7875945
10/10
>>7880077
*tips*
>>7882165
Oh, great job dismantling my argument, faggot
>>7882733
Your argument is valid, but letting it get in the way of humour is fedorable
I'm an atheist, the majority of people in this thread and on /sci are probably atheists
Nobody cares hat man
>>7876340
hahaha last one is nice, nice
>>7875318
SensibleChuckle.exe
