>Sitting in room
>doing nothing
>just staring at the wall
>stare at bed
>stare at a pile of books i'm supposed to read for an exam i have in one week
>stare at an apple on the shelf, which i don't even know how old is
>stare at messy room and all the dust that's congregating
>turn to look at clock
>22:15
>too early to go to bed
>stare at the wall
>pick up my 3DS
>getting ready to play some pokemon
>stare at the screen
>close it and put it back down
>stare at books
>need to pee
>"oh goodie! now i get to spend one minute going to the bathroom"
>come back
>repeat
>>28588046
>falling for the education jew
what do you WANT to do
>>28588083
I don't know
I'm in the course for Ancient Culture, which is interesting, but the whole deal of reading to study is just appalling to me and i can't stay focused
nothing seems more appealing either
I did one year of english, which didn't was even worse
and before that (not payed studying, it's different in my country from USA) i tried drawing, photo, chemistry and mechanics
but nothing's doing it for me
>>28588046
>trying to fall asleep
>feel like doing something
>do not feel motivated enough to actually do something with purpose
>finally give in and take my phone
>look up stupid shit
>come across some pic which makes my dick tingle
>immediately switch to porn, my hand death gripping my dick without my bigger brain even noticing
>have a nasty wank session, edging for about an hour
>finally push to far, willpower breaks in, arch my back as I jizz all over my stomach
>now covered in sweat and own cum, look at the time, it is 3a.m.
>have to get up early tomorrow
>decide to listen to some music before falling asleep
>try not to cry and ignore the thought that I am a miserable and disgusting creature which tried to scrub its own semen of its skin moments ago
>fail and roll up into fetal position as I push out two tears
>feel absolutely empty
>pull out earplugs
>stare at the sky through my window until I fall asleep
>feel like dying the next morning
That is pretty much every second night of my life.
>>28588290
Where 'ya from, OP? I've got sort of the same feelings you've got, although I'm currently in STEM.
>>28588046
That's kinda where I'm at.
>>28588317
i feel you robofriend
>>28588333
norway, so it's far from as expensive as the US, but still can't get motivated
>>28588397
yeah, i figured i'd find the likes here
>>28588290
i have faith it will click for you, you sound like youll find your calling
>>28588528
>norway
That'd make us neighbors. Living in Scandinavia sure is miserable, eh? Not that I think I'd be happier anywhere else.
>>28588668
find my calling?
I've tried 6 different things now, none of which has bore any fruits, and the only reason i'm less confused about what i want to be now than i was before is because now, i know i'm confused about it, but i'm also getting tired of trying, and feel like i should stop jumping around and just settle, despite not being any happier with this than i was with chemistry
>>28588679
I think i read somewhere that scandinavian countries are among the states that have the most depressed percentages
I think it might be because we have so few pressing social problems compared to other places, which lets us realize how empty out existence really is
>>28588317
you are not alone in this boat
>>28588528
atleast the sun is here soon
>>28588317
At least you have energy for wanking for an hour, or still find it enjoyable.
I just don't even enjoy watching porn and masturbating anymore.
Getting the needed intimacy is hard at late hours, because my mother is an annoying hag that wakes ups several times at night to eat or grab a glass of water or soda. Sometimes she even prepare herself a breakfast. Our house is small and my computer room/battlestation is next to the dining room.
My cat is also an annoying bugger. If he's sleeping in my bedroom, which is next to my battlestation, he has the penchant of waking up when I'm fapping, just to interrupt my business because of his feline whims. He's either hungry or wants to get out of the house, or both.
That being said, I just don't bother anymore in watching porn or masturbating. I just drink, sometimes I get drunk, sometimes very drunk, sometimes not.
If I can't hold it any longer, or starting to have wet dreams, I have no choice but fap while taking a shower.
In any case, I always feel a lot of regret and self hate afterwards, because I'm a 28 years old KHV and overall loser.
>>28588838
generally when people 'look for their calling', what they see is society's image of it. society will try to sell you the fruits of these things no matter if you enjoy them or not
>sunday
>dad is home the whole day
>already made me feel more like shit than I usually feel
>loneliness and anxiety somehow kick in a bit harder, can't deal with them
>binge and eat a loaf of bread, all milk we have left, two chocolates, all what's left of lunch, all sausages we had, three PB&Js, Nutella from the jar
>anorexia brain turns on, start panicking, can't throw up after eating all that bread
>cry, roll around in bed, start hitting myself on the head
>hours later calm down
>tomorrow is the day I turn it all around, gym, school, I'll do everytging
>pack things for pool tomorrow morning to burn all these calories
>dad comes in
>starts ranting about how I'm a worthless mistake, his huge disappointment, how he has to lie to people about me, he wishes he never had me
>close my eyes
>pretend I'm being swallowed into the earth
>>28589396
Drinking is pretty shit imo.
I drank like no tomorrow for 3 years and one day just stopped, after a while the relief to inflicted suffering ratio is simply not profitable. Atleast wanking does not give you cancer, cardiovaskular fuckups and dead braincells, while depleting all of your dopamine, making you even more miserable the next day.
>>28589396
Drinking is pretty shit imo.
I drank like no tomorrow for 3 years and one day just stopped, after a while the relief to inflicted suffering ratio is simply not profitable. Atleast wanking does not give you cancer, cardiovaskular fuckups and dead braincells, while depleting all of your dopamine, making you even more miserable the next day.
That being said, I can not get hard to 3D or vanilla 2D anymore, so maybe the health consequences of obsessive masturbating are also negotiable.
>>28590224
>>28590306
Damn, how did this happen?
>>28589902
why dont you move out already
>hey son how was your day
>fine
>what did you do today
>nothin
>k... are you hungry? if i order some take out will you pick it up?
>nah im not really hungry
I WAS BORN IN THIS TOWN LIVE HERE MY WHOLE LIFE NEVER ANYTHING TO DO IN THIS TOWN LIVE HERE MY WHOLE LIFE NOTHING TO DO SIT AROUND AT HOME, STARE AT THE WALLS STARE AT EACH OTHER AND WAIT TILL WE DIE PROBABLY COME TO DIE IN THIS TIME LIVE HERE MY WHOLE LIFE. THERE IS KEROSENE AROUND, SET ME ON FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE FIRE SET ME ON FIRE KEROSENE KERESONE, SET ME ON FIRE.
>>28589396
next time just jizz on him to leave you alone kek
>>28588317
fuck this trap, the same fucking thing happens to me. I start out with good intentions to get a good night's sleep but I feel restless and end up fapping for an hour and fucking it all up. why can't I just read or something?
damn this thread is on some wizchan shit. 4chan totally needs a /dep/ board.
>>28588046
>stare at an apple on the shelf, which i don't even know how old is
I'm doing the exact same thing. I think it's from january but I'm not sure
>managed to cook myself a healthy dinner for once
>get food poisoning
End my life
