ITT: Feels stories
Mine is a tale of love and loss I think it's worth the read
>Be 19
>Sophomore at good college
>Academic full ride
>Pretty average in all other respects
>Haven't gotten laid since Sophomore year of high school
>Lost most high school friends in college
>Main ones I made freshman year transferred, joined frats and sororities
>Live in an apartment with Seniors who I barely know
>Basically hippies, one sells acid/molly
>They do a FUCKTON of drugs
>One night decide to do molly/drink with them
>Somehow they convince me to snort K
>Somehow they convince me to do the fattest dab of my life right after
>Have probably a near death experience
>Thought I was in hell, didn't remember what humans were. Only saw random colors and sounds changing rapidly
>Apparently spoke in tongues, had a seizure, bit someone
>Shit's fucked
>Forever have panic attacks after smoking weed
>Comes into play later
>Decide not to hang with them much anymore
>Fall into depression because I've lost most friends and think I might be in hell
>Decide to go frat this year
>Lazy as fuck, don't try to get into a good frat
>Join a shitty off campus frat
>W/e bunch of booze, can invite non-sorority girls to party
>Some of the hazing I went through created panic attacks
>Even though I never believed in any sort of hell before I think I'm in some sort of repeated hell cycle
>Eventually get through pledgeship, get to party more
>Grades go to shit but w/e
>Looking to get laid and make this worth it
>I'm among the better looking guys so the few good looking girls that come actually go for me
>Get laid a few times
>Actually have a fuckbuddy
>Pretty cool but getting laid doesn't solve problems
>Try to take on role as social chair in frat
>Too much responsibility for someone as lazy as me
>Do a decent job but it fucks up my whole life and priorities
>Hate life in general
>Break 200 lbs
>Think about killing myself
>Only friend is this punk who moved in with me for 3 weeks
Cont...
>>28572580
couldn't be bothered to read your wall of text, but NIN is some fine robot music my man
>>28572580
>Let's call punk C
>C was from my hometown and moved in with me after breaking up with his gf he lived with in highschool
>C eventually finds a job at Noodles and Co, gets his own place
>Mooches off me in the meantime
>Buy him food, let him live with me for free
>W/e, moneys not really a problem
>Your stereotypical anarchist who likes edm and reggae too much
>Keep him around since I don't have friends
>He used to lift weights a lot
>Decide to have him train me in weightlifting
>Pay for his membership, food again (even though he had a job at this point)
>Start routine
>Actually makes me feel better
>Then C fucks up
>Gets clap from some skank
>Gives it to his crazy gf
>Says he can't work out because of it
>Wastes a whole months worth of gym membership time
>Too much of a cuck to work out by myself
>Really start to suck at school
>Gonna lose scholarship
>Don't hang out at frat much
>Last resort
>C wants me to do acid with him
>Scared shitless because of past experience
>Drop it
>Go into hell again but this time have revelation about the essence of good and evil
>Thought that was all bullshit hippy shit before but suddenly it all makes perfect sense
>Holy shit
>I forgot I was a genius
>Start rigorous schedule
>Reconnect with roommate from freshman year who transferred
>Spend a week with him making music
>Trip a couple more times and have a revelation about power structures
>Become confident
>Make a plan with C to get serious about working out
>C is a retard and gets fired for not showing up to work because he was hungover
>Moves out of area to be with crazy gf
>W/e fuck him
>Use his workout plan
>Essentially by myself at this point
>Follow diet and workout plan strictly
>Start giving a shit about grades
>Reconnect with friends
>Stop drinking
>Research into making music
>Discover passion and career goal
>Decide I'm fine without any girls for a good amount of time
>Life trajectory is upward bound
>More acid
>Find a friend to live with next year, D
Cont...
>>28572628
>>28572858
Thanks! That's fine, just want to get stuff off my chest anyway here's where the story actually kinda gets interesting
>Friend J is basically my old self but not as fucked up
>Want to go to cool music fest with him that I went to last year
>Cool music fest sucks this year, not outside
>"Want to go to a comedy show with my floor?"
>J is a freshman
>Old me wouldn't change up plans like that
>Sure why not
>Tripping balls because I thought we were going to a music festival
>Go to comedy show
>Actually pretty fucking funny
>Acid making me think about the roots of comedy and how to connect with people
>Go to after party with floor and people in comedy show
>J introduces me to his floor including a girl S
>Seen S around his floor before
>Turns out she's the most interesting girl in the fucking planet
>Basically Dos Equis girl
>Is a fucking genius
>Got a degree from an Ivy League School while traveling the world
>Was a model
>British
>Bisexual
>Only at our school to get a second degree that leads to her career goal to work for the UN
>The fuck
>Somehow relate to her using lessons I learned from comedy show
>She somehow thinks I'm really fucking smart
>Joked before that she was looking to give someone the best blowjob of their life that night
>Convinced this girl is Jesus
>Develop ESP and read the minds of all people at party
>Help them with everything they want to accomplish for the night to make myself look good
>S's friend tells me it's between me and some other dude she had met before
>Winner winner chicken dinner
>Comes back to my apartment
>Have the craziest fucking sex of my life for 6 hours straight
>Talk about high level physics and mathematics and how to solve world problems
>Definitely in love but have to play it cool
>She's had a lot of sex and you can fucking tell
>Next week make excuses to hang out with J to really hang out with S
>To my surprise she actually reciprocates to my advances immediately
Cont...
I just read this whole thing and OP is nothing but a big ol' normie, nothing to see here robots. Go read Notes From The Underground instead.
>>28573150
Jump off a bridge, normie. "Wow I am a genius and bang models, this story wont end with me being amazing at life!"
did u find that there is good and evil or that it was relative, cuz im unsure because the one where there is no moral reltivism is tru while the hippie shit is gay ass moral reltivitism
>>28573150
>Have sex again
>This time have a mental breakdown
>Really want to keep her around
>Feel like I'm not as good at sex since I'm not tripping
>Ask her out during post coital tristesse
>She accepts
>Opens up to me about past
>Nearly died twice from 2 very severe illnesses
>Has an acute illness that will be with her for life
>Was abused by 2 past boyfriends
>The past couple months I was convinced I lacked emotions
>Several people died in my family (albeit they weren't close) but I didn't care
>Couldn't cry
>After she told me that I cried for the first time in 3 years
>Next week
>Best week of my entire life
>Get introduced to more people on J and S's floor
>Turns out they're all really fucking smart
>Realize what potential we all have
>That weekend huge event at my school
>Hang out with S the whole time
>Have first official date
>She breaks down because I made the date plans
>Holy shit she actually really likes me
>Have actual best sex in the entire fucking planet
>Really want to say I love you
>Hold back because of how the relationship is going
>First real relationship of any kind
>Somehow putting energy into it only improves my life
>Grade wise, routine wise, everything is coming up great
>Except one class that was unsalvagable because of how badly I fucked up in the prior months
>Try at it anyway
>S is now my motivation
>Want to conquer the world with her
>Way too into her
>Hang out a fair amount but try to keep it chill as possible
>Try to alternate between J and the rest of the floor and her
>Works well for the most part
>Finals week approaches
>Stressed out over it
>At least I got S
>Her acute illness is acting up
>Hints at some of it having to do with hormones acting up and new birth control
>Well fuck
>Worried she might die because of me now
>She still seems into me though
>Stay up for 3 days straight doing final essays and studying, hanging out with S.
>Not used to staying up because of my strict sleep schedule
>Become slow mentally
Cont...
>>28573240
>>28573272
Sorry, I'm pretty pretentious. You gotta understand prior to her I was banging 4's 5's pretty consistently. I just got lucky I guess
>>28573464
I found that evil is a necessary product to create context for good. I like to think of it as two electrons attempting to be forced together into one being. It can't happen but the energy it would output would be infinite. It's just a bunch of hippy bullshit I know but it's kept me going so w/e
>>28573477
Back to the story
>Hanging out is physically exhausting
>Play games with the whole floor
>Suck at them so much because of exhaustion
>Can't keep up with the discussion of the group
>Realize I need to leave before I become beta as fuck to S
>Too fucking tired
>Mistake 1
>Sleep over in S's dorm
>So tired I don't consider how tiny her bed is
>Keep her awake all night by knocking her off the bed several times
>She's never been a morning person
>Plans on going to lunch with floor
>Told me about it before and it sounded just like a floor thing so I wasn't going to go
>But fuck it I'm here now and starving
>Decide to just hang out all day with floor again
>Can tell she's getting annoyed
>Have a negative vibe in general
>Really think I need to go
>Planned on going back to comedy show that night though
>Starts ignoring me completely
>Oh fuck
>Still stupid tired think that I just need to hang out with the other people from the floor and she'll be fine by the comedy show
>Turns out she was getting drunk all day without me knowing
>She doesn't drink
>She's pretty tiny
>Alcohol affects her illness
>J has been killing it all day
>Hanging around me he absorbed my new-found alphaness
>She starts getting really close with J
>J is a good enough friend that I can trust him
>Mistake number 2
>Go to after party again
>Still ignoring me even though she's hammered
>I still don't drink
>J wants to smoke bud at the party
>S doesn't smoke but with J she wants to
>I haven't smoked in 5 months because of panic attacks
Cont...
>>28573805
>Panic attack comes in at full force
>Paranoid as fuck leave party without telling anyone
>Break down in room hard
>Real hard
>Decide to hold out hope that this was all reactionary
>Try to contact her for the next couple days
>No response
>Try to contact J
>No response
>Try to work hard in spite of everything so that S can see I'm not dependent on her
>Buy some strong antidepressents so I don't kill self
>Feel weird as fuck since I'm super depressed but antidepressents so I'm kinda emotionless
>Think that's the problem
>It isn't the problem
>She finally calls me over
>Explains that her past abusive relationship was actually only 3 months ago
>Gotta understand this guy beat her half to death
>Something I did set something off and she did a complete 180
>Tells me she broke down too that night
>Tells me she can't do it anymore
>Not even phased by this because of antidepressants
>"Alright I totally get it no problem"
>I say this almost jovially
>Looks at me like I'm a fucking retard
>Feel like a fucking retard
>"So should I leave now or are we still good"
>She tells me to leave
>It's at this point I realize she's actually afraid of me
>Never felt worse in my life but at the same time antidepressants are keeping me up so I kinda wander for hours
>Decide to take acid with J because it helped me get out of shit before and I wanted to get info out of J about S
>Connect with J a lot
>Tells me there was another reason that she broke up with me that wasn't my fault
>Says she still likes me
>Says he'll talk with her
>Excited about prospect of future of living with this guy
>Pretty based
>Come up with plan to get her back
>Essentially take it slow and work my way into the friendzone up so she trusts me
>Simple shit
>Make plans for summer
>Stay in college town to work on goals and make some cash
>Try to contact her because she's living down there and maybe she's over stuff
>No replies for a couple of weeks
>Start thinking back on if she's actually worth it
Cont...
>>28574139
>Accomplishing a lot of goals
>Getting good at creating music
>S is on my mind every day but less and less important
>Source of inspiration for a lot of music
>Find myself content with the idea of actually just being friends
>Try and convince her of it but it's hard to do over text
>No responses still
>Ask J if he talked to her
>Says she hasn't been responding to him either
>They're pretty good friends so this is weird
>She hadn't posted anything on any social media either for a long time
>Get a call from J after a few days
>"Hey I'm not sure how to tell you this Anon but S is dead"
>Don't even know how to feel
>How is that even possible
>"Dunno I only know because I saw floormates posts about it"
>Straight devastated but well enough because of how I made peace with myself about her
>Try to find out about how she died
>Her pregnancy caused a hormonal flux which her illness couldn't take
>Her what
>What
>I killed her
>First thing that came into my mind
>Second thing was
>Maybe it wasn't mine
>"Something else made her break up with you"
>J
>Going to fucking murder him
>Literally
>Drive home with a baseball bat intending to beat him to death
>Knock on the door
>He answers
>"Dude I'm so sorry about S..."
>"Oh you're going to be sorry motherfucker"
>Throw his ass down to the ground
>"Dude what the fuck"
>Scream at him neanderthal jargon that translated to "you slept with my girlfriend"
>"No let me explain"
>Want to hear this shit
>Turns out the kid was mine
>She had told him she might've gotten pregnant during the period she was taking new birth control
>Wanted to break it off so she could get an abortion discretely
>Still furious at J because he didn't tell me
>But at that point I'm done
>He tries to say he didn't know if she was actually pregnant the whole time but I didn't care
>I just wanted to go back
>She had always told me that she was somehow prone to having twins
>Found out it was twins
>Seriously losing it
Cont...
>>28574606
Where the hell is the rest of the story?
>>28572580
>"haven't gotten laid since Sophomore year of high school"
poor you
