Can we have a stories thread? Any kind is fine, but I like kawaii ones.
>>28506793
>be me
>girl is sex
>i want sex
>girl no sex
>i cum
>jizz
>not in girl
>end
>be me
>11:30 PM
>coming home from band practice
>stop at a park on my way home to sit
>have to piss
>bathroom's locked
>about to piss
>flashlight beam towards my direction
>cop
>fuck
>drugs deals done where I was a lot
>luckily no one else was there
>leave
>get home to a cleaned room
>thanks mom
is this story sufficient?
>>28506793
This is now a feels thread.
The robot hates me, but i know he loves me.
>>28506907
>go to room
>rock hard cock
>mum came home it was 4 o'clock
>turn on porn
>rub my horn
>mum walks in and tells me to get a job
>>28506970
>shit and piss
>always miss
>>28506793
I remember when anon told us this story, I wonder where he is now
I got one
>be me
>be in middle school
>shit on teacher's desk on a dare
>blame the retarded kid
>get away with it
>retard doesn't get in trouble cause retarded
>all worked out
it was a good day
>>28507094
thats a good story
>science teacher was a fucking cunt bitch and i hate her
>she had huge tits
>i jack off in class while looking at her being a bitch
>looking at her btich tits
>thinking about fucking the bitch out of those tits
>cum
>wearing boxers, so it drips down my leg.
>dries while doing work
>felt really good
she looked like shay fox
i still want to cum in her fucking cunt
stupid bitch needs a dick (my dick) and i want to FUCK her
>>28507208
>take a fat dick shit
>shit smells like ass
>dont give a fuck
>i shit some more
>piss cums exploding out of my fucking ass
>feels like burning
>my cock is so hard right now, hard like the toilet seat i was shitting into
>my cock shits
>fuck you
>>28506793
>be a disgusting neet slob
>get a boyfriend
For fuck's sake, why couldn't I be a girl?
>>28507279
>pissing out my anus
>mixes with my hemorrhoid blood
>yellowish-red liquid oozing out of my anus
>it keeps coming
>flood my bathroom
>have to call a plumber
>it still hasn't stopped
>never piss out your anus guys
>>28507320
>jerking off to some fat granny porn
>me old cunt mother invites herself into my room
>tells me to man up
>cumshot in her eye
be careful what you wish for
>>28507391
>moving to new house
>make it my duty to piss in every room of the old house
>make sure it's a bright yellow and it stains the carpet noticeably
>turns out the offer on the house fell through
>have to replace all the carpets
JUST
>>28507419
>take ecstasy
>i break into guy's house
>no one home
>steal cat
>get naked
>throw cat at moving train
>people stare
>i piss
>go home
>>28507486
>plane flight
>notice cute lady
>sit next to her
>she glares at me
>What are you doing? she says
>rip off one half of my pants and lasso her to me
>plane has to emergency land so they can arrest me
>THEY'LL NEVER GET ME
>before we land I use the lady to break the door
>jump out
>land on trampoline
>go to Taco Bell
>piss on their napkins
>sleep in a hotel
>>28507486
>angry
>walk on train
>fucking normies everywhere
>I yell the most autistic yell as loud as i could in the middle of the train
>some smile, but most are scared
>get nude
>get on the ground and start making hungry animal noises
>bark at an old man and then tell him i dont give a fuck
>get off next stop and walk home nude to prove to myself that i actually don't give a fuck
>even left all my clothes on the train
>>28507543
>tired
>stumbling home one evening
>look over
>see a dead vulture
>dress it up as me and send it to my house
>pretend to be the dead vulture
>finally find peace
>wake up next morning
>vultures pecking at my pecker
>run
>get home
>>28507535
>12 years old
>listening to metal in my room
>parents have guests
>hate parents
>blast metal as loud as i can
>cut myself and attend dinner while leaving my door open
>give guests death stare
>i had been practicing my deathstare
>guests are very intimidated
>parents give me a stern talking to
>tell them to go fuck themselves
>leave on my bike to go smoke cigarettes with my 11 year old friend
>>28507598
>be me
>try to throw football to a friend
>noodle arm
>accidentally hit a puppy
>dog's owner is some big 6'5 275 weekend wrestler
>oh fuck
>get suplexed
>lie there quivering for a couple hours
>hospital
>>28507628
>carrying lots of shopping
>tied up dog with owner smoking a cigarette outside
>i stumble because i am weak
>step on dog and yelps
>cigarette man laughs
>i laugh too
>dog laughs
>>28507654
>be me
>posting fake stories on /r9k/
>the feeling finally gets to me
>do the deed
>deed is done
>don't go to school tomorrow
>>28507676
>green text storys start getting kind of serious
>what is the deed
>what could it mean
>dont give a fuck
>tell my neighbour hes a faggot
>he throws his little sister through my window
>i fuck her
>she dies by accident
>>28507735
>the deed becomes sentient
>it starts to exact its revenge
>it starts by wanting to
>MAKE
>AMERICA
>GREAT
>AGAIN
>>28507762
>fuck fat cunt in the ass
>she shits out africa
>fucking africa
>i fuck africa
>big ass titties
>africa
>>28507735
>walking down the street
>i die accidentally
>>28507785
>moon decides it's time for the orgy
>invites Europa and half of the asteroid belt over for some orgy fun time
>turns out this fucks up Earth
>we all die
>>28507813
(remastered)
>reality doesn't exist
>you wouldn't understand unless you smoked your own shit
>don't be so narrow minded, just smoke your own shit faggot
>be a prophet
>marry a 6 year old but don't fuck her until she's 9
>tell everyone it's okay
>mfw i accidentaly created a religion
>>28507891
>take a shit
>it's a live human
>don't give a fuck, flush it down the loo
>shit baby haunts my dreams
>tell baby i dont give a shit
>baby fucks my ass
>next morning i shit out another human
>>28507918
>lick a tire
>turn into a swan
>fuck Tom Brady
>become one with my inner briefcase
>Be me
>Couple weeks back
>16
>At school with friends
>Girl walks over to where we sit
>She comes every couple of weeks because she's friends my friends
>She joins in on conversation
>Make her laugh because I'm a funny fuck
>She starts coming around every day
>She starts talking to me on normiebook
>She's super into comics
>Fuckyes.jpg
>Start talking about suicide squad and other comic related things
>Asks me to go watch BvS with her
>SureWhyNotWe'reFriends.avi
>Have great time
>talk with her for hours after movie
>we talk and stuff about what turns us on
>Talk like that with guy friends, no big deal
>go to her place
>watch movies
>wrestle
>she's not wearing a bra
>ohshit.mp3
>tit slaps me in the face
>tell her that her goods are hanging out
>thanks and hugs me
>next day
>messages me in a panic on Skype
>says that guys is over at her house
>guy has a history of abusing her and taking advantage of her
>pulls his dick out and tries to force her to suck it
>Guy respects me somewhat so she asks me over
>run over as fast as possible
>her place is 6km away
>get there and he acts shifty as I arrive
>we leave couple hours later
>she thanks me over Skype and says if I need anything I can call on her
>next week we meet up and she's dressed in all the things that get me off
>red lipstick
>heels
>short black dress
>hair done perfectly
>divine perfume
>we just mess around for the whole day and catch public transport around Sydney
>sitting outside my house as we wait for her mom to pick her up
>we talk
>tell her I caught feels
>tell me she caught feels to
>says she dressed like that cause she wanted to take me to a romantic cliff face and make out with me
>talk about dating
>says she'd be down with it
>fuckyes.gif
>next day we meet up at an empty stadium
>she gets ontop of me and runs my hands up her top
>not wearing a bra
>hands touched bare titties
>fuck yes
>starts grinding on me
>i'm a virgin
>don't know what to do
>kind of just rub them titties
>>28507918
that's like this song dude
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgXJbJeRxHo
>17
>jogging at about 1am
>almost heading back home
>crossing the street
>a car is waiting for the light to turn green
>hear a very loudly "HEY YOU, COME HERE"
>it's a blonde woman, couldn't be older than 22 in the car, looks pretty cute and obviously drunk by herself
>tells me that I'm pretty cute and if I'd like to get in the car?
>penis says YES, mind and stranger danger say no
>mind wins
This isn't the only time this has happened to me, happened with two underage girls and a short spic lady with massive boobies.
>>28507936
>take a shit in a briefcase
>dont give a fuck, neither does my shit
>go to mcdonalds interview in a suit with my briefcase
>they ask to see my resume
>i give them the briefcase and tell her to open it
>get scared and punch her in the face
>run out with my briefcase to the river and throw it in the river
no one can know
>>28507977
>find a chocolate bar in a river
>odd
>it's Halloween though and I forgot to go candy shopping
>just divide up the bar evenly and wrap them in tin foil
>give them out to the kids
>the next day they're all dead
>turns out the chocolate bar was a turd
>they cant trace it back to me
>all is well
>>28508000
>i shit
>>28508007
riveting story there chap
>>28508000
>find a monkey's body in the street
>always wanted to try monkey meat
>butcher the corpse, dump the bones and organs in some river
>lightly fry the outside and lightly season
>tastes delicious
>decide to sell the meat
>days later they find the bones and say someone killed a child
still haven't been found out luckily
>>28508054
>be a sex toy
>finally get bought
>anticipate the nice innards of a woman
>turns out I was bought by some fat gay guy
>go up his pooper
>hate my existence
>>28507946
cont.
>she gets off after a while
>we talk some more
>she goes home
>next day
>Anzac day
>get high with girl
>starts talking about how many guy's dick's she sucked
>tries to get me jealous
>after a couple of hours we each go home
>talking to her on Skype
>says it was all a joke
>next day at school we talk
>she still wants to fuck some other chad
>doesn't want me anymore
>she attempts to meet up with chad
>gets stood up
>asks me to meet up with her next day
>I was just a back up in case this chad stood her up AGAIN
>kind of just go home when chad arrives
>can't stop thinking about girl
>can't watch porn without thinking about her
>feel like shit
>people start to bitch about how "im not the same" or how "i'm not as fun"
>whatever
>get really excited whenever girl comes over
>she starts coming over less
>says its because she feels guilty about my state of mind
>I have other issues too that I was suppressing but now I can't anymore
>talk to her about my other issues
>She almost stops coming over entirely
>get excited whenever I see someone coming around the corner hoping its her
>invites me to meet up with her on weekend
>cancels next day to mess around with other people
>still feel like shit
>decide fuck it
>gonna meet some other girls
>start talking to 7/10 girl
>not the same
>fuck it I need someone else to get my mind off this
>girl is into me
>nothing happening yet
>get home
>cry about my life on /r9k/
I'm such a cuck
>>28508076
>be a cuck
>kill myself
>bye r9k i'm worthless
>>28508076
>then i took a shit
>while cam on skype
>bitch is gay
>fuck her dad
>drag fridge upstairs
>push out window
>lands on gay old woman
>she doesnt appreciate it very much
>fuck her
>i didn't actually fuck her but fuck her shes a bitch
>stupid cunt
>>28506793
>5 entire posts just to tell that shit
Jesus fuck, why can't women just go STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING POINT??
>>28507974
You probably did the right thing.
>>28508313
>You probably did the right thing.
I know but the woman and my penis most likely called me a fag. Maybe I'd have a crazy story to tell if I hopped in or maybe I wouldn't be telling any stories at all?
>>28508527
shouldve taken a shit
>>28508527
Or maybe your organs would be on a basket right now.
