Be honest. You aren't really a robot. Just an introvert with some social problems.
Describe who you really are in this thread and what your problem is. I will listen.
tested above average intelligence, suffered depression for most of my life, had a mother try to treat it with crystals and alternative medicine, was normal throughout all school and had friends, was considered strange but nice.
reached the legal drinking age after drinking, since the very first time i tried it i'd never be able to stop. isolated all my friends doing this but it's a small rural town and all the people moved.
went to university for a meme degree and hated almost everyone, drank a lot and went clubbing, met new people but they were basically gang members. that continues for a while but they both die in a car crash because they were drinking.
graduate and drink even more, keep a couple jobs but they were all manual labor or door to door sales. haven't moved out at all yet so after a while i just stop looking for work and buy spirits with government money. some other shit happened 2 more years i'm 25 now and i haven't slept in days, never leave the room and i'm getting auditory hallucinations (lack of sleep i think) and there's a lump in my throat that chokes me occasionally i think i'm dying. mum cries when she sees me
i didn't know how to summarize a lot of that or dress it up so sorry for the dot point writing.
>>28451290
haha i'm too fucked to actually write this i think
>Go to uni in a completely new country to escape my cyborg past
>Start developing terrible acne
>Feel terrible and don't want to do anything
>Don't make essential connections during freshers
>Everything just spirals downwards after that
>End up a complete robot year two and three by which point its too late to attempt to fix anything, everyone already has their friends
>Group up with some autists at least, okay people but not what I had hoped for at all
>Still khhv
>Acne still not gone
>Graduate soon and get to go home where I at least have some semblance of a social life
These were supposed to be 'the best years of my life' They weren't, they were some of the worst. All I did was stay in and play vidya. Autist friends were content with not speaking for days at a time and keeping to themselves... I wasn't... but this is all I could get.
Hoping my three years of complete social ineptness didn't destroy what little social skills I have. If for some reason I lose my friends back home then I may as well just end it all.
Well, let's see. I'm a stick in the mud, I can be painfully boring. I avoid friendships and relationships for fear of fucking them up, when I invest a lot into something and it tanks I die a little on the inside. Maybe my expectations are too high.
I can be cold and callous. I want to be a better person but I find myself wrestling with old habits, sometimes I doubt my ability to change. I would love to be perfect but I've come to realize no matter how you act or what you do people will find faults or flaws if that's what they seek.
Hmm. My self esteem is laughably high, I've done nothing to warrant esteem. My confidence is near zero, I fancy myself incompetent in almost every regard.
bls contribute, for some reason I get a self-indulgent satisfaction from seeing the worst in people and forgiving them for it, as if they wanted or needed my forgiveness in the first place. It's horrible.
>>28451469
not him i'm the other guy
you came in with an idealized idea of university, because the media in general likes to make them look like exciting in wonderful places.
you're not a social being and that wasn't going to change the moment you set foot in there. the best and real friendships are attained through mutual interest in things (i.e a hobby). the kind of people who suddenly kick it off with other people are just simply able to do it but it isn't nearly as common as you think.
you said you went home and you have something of a social life back anyway, your problem is you're grieving a place that never even exist and you should move on
my advice is learn any sport just pick one and turn up. you play together so you just have to be around them and it's impossible to get wrong. don't do martial arts they're actually not social
I can't look most of other people in the eyes. I hope that one day I will see the beauty of the world without being annoyed by people around me, now I just try to enjoy what I see even if it's very difficult becuase I usually walk watching my feet.
I'm born in a bourgeois family in decline. I'm used to a really refined way of life so it will be difficult to leave it.
My father is crazy and aggressive if he doesn't take his medicines. My mother divorced when I was a child. I started to write novels when I was 8 years old. Now I also write poems and philosophical thoughts.
I know a lot of normies and I must try to behave like them to survive or at least like an intellectual robot.
I'm asthmatic, myopic and have pectus carinatum. I'm a megalomaniac, I think that I deserve the Nobel prize for literature just because I write some good poems.
My oneitis is a 10/10 Stacey and I think I can have a chance just because she thinks I'm a smart and nice pearson. I always think about giving her my poems, but I never do it.
I'm an 18 y/o KV. I'm not ugly, I'm simply below average or just really clumsy. I can't just wait anymore. I want to tell my oneitis that I love her, but I'm too afraid.
>>28451606
>when I invest a lot into something and it tanks I die a little on the inside
that will eventually kill you, so you need to cultivate an attitude of optimism somehow
>My self esteem is laughably high, I've done nothing to warrant esteem. My confidence is near zero
the high self esteem thing is literally a defensive measure because of the lack of confidnece
>I get a self-indulgent satisfaction from seeing the worst in people and forgiving them for it
you see life as a competition and if other people screw up there's a chance you'll lap them
you need to actually do something you can be proud of, learn another language or something that's something you can easily impress other people with and people will think you're smart even if you're probably not
>>28451033
I'm a good guy. I do the best I can.
The INTP's know what it's like. There's always a certain distance between us and the ones we love.
>>28451033
>some social problems
Would need to define what qualifies as just "some" but you're probably right.
>"I will listen."
Like hell you will. Fuck off. I've heard this empty phrase far too often.
>>28451753
>I'm born in a bourgeois family in decline
terrible feeling
you sound like a textbook autist (the actual kind not the meme kind). this made you fix on 'fine arts' like poetry that are literally dead. i think this is also why you consider yourself 'bourgeois'. you've got to stop pretending, don't even get mad at me about it because it's the truth.
>>28451852
you just sound mad, go to boxing and don't hit anybody too hard on your first day
>>28451656
I played football (soccer) in high school.
I was completely terrible freshman year but ended up improving over the years. Still pretty awful in comparison to others, but our whole school was awful so...
Tried playing socially at uni. Ended up on a team where nearly everyone was from one dorm and I was from another so I never really meshed well. They would go have a beer after the game and I would just go home. Maybe I should have been more assertive, but thats over now. Played alright and enjoyed playing but gave it up after a year.
There's few options for team sports where I live. There's one facility where the host 6-a side leagues but Ive played with my mates there before during Christmas holiday. Everyone was just way better than us (me included) So they don't do it anymore and so I won't either. There's not really any way I could just join a team, I don't know anyone. Besides, there's no way in hell I am going to get much better to compete at their level, if anything I've only gotten worse. Its sad, I like soccer too.
>>28451789
>The INTP's know what it's like. There's always a certain distance between us and the ones we love.
>You will always feel like an outsider/alien no matter how much you actually fit in or try
>Things will never feel normal or comfortable with people and you'll never understand anything
I think I know.
>>28451033
>Normie class clown through middle school
>Teachers hate me, eventually stop because of it.
>While I start doing better in school i realize I don't know how to make and keep friends without clowning around in class to make them laugh
>Eighth grade is where I distinctly start to become more and more anti social
>Barely have any interaction with the other kids through high school
>Cunty mother just turns me off of people more through that
>Hate women for well thought out reasons that I'm too lazy to share at the moment so don't want a gf in the first place anyways
>I've basically not had a friend since middle school and not had a gf ever
>The only sexual interaction I've had was a truth or dare kiss in seventh grade
I'm handsome and confident, I have no issues talking to strangers. I could be a Chad that fucks dozens of girls but I am afraid of sex. Every opportunity I have had at sex I backed out of.
Now I've become a 2Dpilled NEET misogynist from browsing this site.
>>28451033
I have mental illness stopping me from being social, or succeeding at anything in life. So because of that I hate myself and feel guilty for any goodwill I've ever received. And I'm ugly and overweight too.
>>28452006
What makes you afraid? Scared of not performing well? Scared of preggers girl?
I regularly meet with my close friends to go to concerts or to drink together. But these are the only people I can speak toBesides my familywithout beginning to stutter. So I shut up at most of the events because they usually bring their gfs or people I just barely know. They were my only friends since grade schoolThey went to another school but we could still meet and stuff.
>>28452041
Do tell, what is the mental illness anon? Are you a schizo?
>>28451878
And what do you think about my oneitis. Do I have a chance?
>>28452112
It's just irrational. I have no reason to fear sex. I could probably do it if I had a girlfriend and our relationship lasted a month. But I've always been terrible with women, so I can't keep a girlfriend.
Maybe it's because I was raised by a single mom. I don't know.
>>28452146
No, I don't think I'm schizo. I've been feeling very disconnected from myself and from reality recently but that's probably just depression. I think I'm just a self aware autist on some level.
>>28452205
Was raised by two parents and still just as terrible with women, probably more so
Can't enjoy things, always been a superficially 'popular' weird kid without any real friends most of the time, procrastinate, my worries lead me to daydream sceanrios that will never happen but which I still worry will happen to me, I alternate between being smart and doing the stupidest stuff/making the worst decisions imaginable
I got a 110 IQ on some test I took when I was fifteen, but since people perceive me as being intelligent and I have objective evidence that I am I've always dismissed the score as inaccurate. That same test diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder, which lead to me getting a therapist, who in turn diagnosed me with depression. Socially I'm hovering somewhere between elusive pseudointellectual and autist class clown. In other words I'm probably not quite as badly off in the way other people perceive me as some of the people here, since I'm capable of occasional social awareness and even occasional charisma, but it still feels pretty shit. I still have a driving motivation behind my life though. I'd like to think I'm good at writing, and at the very least I have enough talent/passion to scrape by as a low level academic if worst comes to worse. I'm basically a literal mess, I've been fucked over and possibly cucked over by most of my close friends in the past three days, and I slept like 4 hours last night, so writing this post is probably my absolute low point, since it's the first post I've made on /r9k/.
I dunno I might be fucked.
>>28452253
So what's your actual diagnosis?
>>28452326
I have no idea what my actual diagnosis is. When I was a lot younger I saw a psychiatrist and therapist regularly and had to take pills of some kind but nobody ever told me shit since I was like 9. Nowadays I never leave my room for anything but the bathroom so I won't be going back to find out any time soon
I have the skill, energy, and enthusiasm to get a better job than my minimum wageslavery but I don't know how to convince others to hire me
21 jungle monkey. Used to have a gf, job and go to college. Now I have none and can't get satisfaction from basically anything in life. I don't have a hard time trying to talk to people, I just don't want to. Pretty much my whole world is gray, boring and everyday I wonder if I should put an end to this
I am utterly terrified of what other people think of me. Because of my unstable, abusive parent's unpredictable behavior when I was a child, I am fixated on predicting and manipulating people's actions when I'm around them. If they do something I didn't expect it unnerves me to the point where I become temporarily unable to react to anyone in a sensible way. Because of this, and so many other reasons they're too long to list here, I have become obsessed with objects that resemble people but will never hurt me or do anything to me- dead bodies.
I have sexual OCD, and since I'm a sexual sadist and a necrophile, the intrusive thoughts and urges that I get are completely centered around abusing people, torturing them, killing them and having sex with their bodies. The thoughts are almost constant, and they're insanely distracting. I get caught up in them instantly if I don't concentrate completely on what I'm doing. People tell me I have an "intense" look in my face when I'm not forcing myself to smile and appear normal. The strain of pretending that I'm okay when I'm completely consumed by images of someone decomposing while I fuck them, or of killing someone as violently as possible, all while carrying on a conversation, or doing work.
I have always taken on jobs that are beneath my skills and experience. When I didn't have the mania from the bipolar disorder under control, there was a time when I completely ruined my standing at work and acted like a goddamn lunatic. I am so afraid that something like that will happen again, I don't give myself the opportunity for it to ever occur. Again, I'm so scared of what other people think of me, how I appear to others, that I ruin my life because of it. I'm 24 and I've worked over a dozen different jobs in the last ten years- and not a single one was in a field I wanted to be in.
>>28453616
What I typed up was a little too long for one post. Here's the rest. Sorry for the tl;dr, I can't summarize this shit and convey what I want to say accurately.
I have ambition, I want to do SOMETHING good with my life after all the harm I've caused, but I'm my own worst fucking enemy.
People tell me that I'm kind, that I have a good personality, that I'm empathetic and funny and great to be around, but I feel like a shell of a person that's consumed by mental illness who's only lying to everyone about how I really am. At the same time I don't know how much of these urges and my past actions are a part of me, and how much is just in my head. I'm constantly doubting myself, wrestling with the need to harm others while I still can feel guilt and sympathy towards them. I've tried distancing myself from people as much as possible to minimize the damage it has on me but it's impossible for me to completely cut out others and get to the position that I want.
I'm sick of obsessing. I'm trying to get help but I still don't know how to make it stop.
I've always been alone so I've become used to it. Now that I'm forced to work I learned some social skills especially from my eldest brother that is a real leader, even though he fucked his own life by being with his dirty bitch ex-wife. I'm currently the best student in my calculus 2 class but I've been contemplating just giving it all up and become a A/C repair man since my needs are very simple and I won't have to communicate much with others. If my parents weren't so goddamn poor I would have been able to be a full time student.
I'm just a lazy piece of shit. I don't care about friends, having a girlfriend or having sex. I just want to live a comfy life but I need money for that which I'm too lazy to work for. I wish I were dead so I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do when my mom eventually dies.
I was a fuck up my whole life until I turned 18 and tried to change things.
I'm almost 20 now. I'm good looking and intelligent, so I managed to become a decent person. I met a cute as fuck girl who is perfect in every way and she really likes me.
But my dick doesn't work properly. It's a mix of anxiety and years of fapping twice daily to bizarre porn. I see her naked and touch her and I don't feel anything. She's gonna leave me cause my dick doesn't work.
I can probably get another girl. Doubt I'll ever find anyone better, but if I can't get my dick to work I might as well jump now. Having a useless dick is worse than being a robot.
no one ever wants to talk to me or invite me to anything
i think it made me jaded and hate people so it doesn't bother me now
>>28451033
>Describe who you really are in this thread and what your problem is.
I have a coarse exterior but inside I am really quite warm, I want to show that but it's hard to do because I just can't stopdancing.
>>28451290
>had a mother try to treat it with crystals and alternative medicine
Fucking this, I'm guessing 90% of the mothers on this board just shoved drugs down their kids throats to solve problems
Good evening, Herr Doktor! I have to admit, I'm a bit humbled. It's rare that someone of my modest means could ever find himself a brief time on your couch. And yet, here we are, so I'll indulge your question as you've deigned to indulge my answer.
Should I speak about my mother? Or my father? Not much to speak of there, I am afraid. Many men have had mothers like mine, and fathers like mine, and yet have not found themselves in need of your care.
Shall I recount to you the intricacies of my childhood? Those little developmental steps with their inevitable trips and falls? All children trip and fall as they stumble toward adulthood. That shouldn't earn me a place in your presence.
So why am I here in your illustrious presence, physician of the mind? Mind, of course, as neither of us are silly enough to believe in something like the spirit. We are both men of science after all.
It's simple enough. I am merely a monster who wants to live as men do, and was never given the license to do so.
Let me ask you, doctor, are there any prescriptions for that?
There's going to be a great dying off, with fertility levels reaching below replacement rates in countries across the globe.
I know that my lineage is not meant to survive.
This makes me sad. I want to do something to change this future but i don't see a way.
>>28451033
I'm extremely into older woman
Like an oedipal complex
Extremely smart but super autistic. Never been past a first date. But I am a robotics wiz, in fact, I am presenting my robots to the entire school in a week or so
I think by most of this site's standards, I'm a normie. But I'm also an 18 year old kv who likely has bipolar disorder.
I just go through cycles of feeling like I'm able to achieve my dreams/have friends/gf, ect, and that might last maybe a week or a few hours.
Then I'll have a timeframe where I'm entirely hopeless, hateful, and generally displeasurable. Neither of these are triggered by anything, but just happen.
It also runs in my family.
I'm starting to think that subconsciously I'm trying to make my life as shit as possible, possibly to try to force myself into some fight or flight mode. Like trying to make things either so bad that i'll kill myself or so bad that i'm forced to work so hard that I no longer have time to wallow in existential sadness. Or possibly I just hate the 'privileged' so much that I want to put my life on hard mode.
>grow up with depressed parents
>dad was very cynical as I grew up which made me naturally angry at things
>mom had heart disease as a baby so had terrible temper and would act like an irrational idiot due to blood pressure
>lower middle class, mom was lazy and dad was an animator, hated his job, making films now, so he's kind of feeling better
>was a sperg kid 8-12, sanic, nintendo, vidya gaems
>became more quiet 13-15 developed social anxieties, developed insecurities because I was a chubby kid, difficulties talking to people, difficulties looking at people so looked at my feet most of the time, grew more negative opinions, hated a lot of things
>16-18 became even more quiet, lost many friends, have two now, they're ok but can be fucking idiots sometimes, developed depression issues, worried about the future constantly, stopped because it's fucking pointless, lost will to live, lost meaning, lost passion, barely enjoyed most things, felt like I was just passing by, planned suicides, started therapy few months before 19th birthday
been going for a few months now and nothings really changed, looking into medication but I'm sceptical
>>28455482
If you need words to express how "extremely smart" you are, then it's doubtful that it's true
>>28455536
Iktf senpai, borderline pd lyfe
Hi Doc.
Honestly my life should be fine. Still in HS and living w/ parents that've given me literally everything I could ask for. Definitely above average intelligence in school, I glide through classes with A's while procrastinating and being a general shit.
My social problem sort of ties in with that, though. I have no motivation whatsoever. Socially, physically, academically. I've had "friends", but only in school. Not a single one outside of it. I can socialize on a basic human level I think, I just don't go out of my way to get it. I like talking to people in a good conversation, especially philosophical, but I can't ever bring myself to make the first move in anything, and I end up being sad that I'm antisocial, but also I know that it's my fault. Also I feel that everyone actually really doesn't like me, and only tolerates me or pities me. And I can't hang around people for more than maybe a month at max because all of their flaws become atrociously apparent. I seem to spot flaws in everything too easily, including myself, and I tend to say them, so that doesn't help me socially.
I fear that all of this stuff will isolate me and prevent me from seeking my dreams.
Help.
dont have any friends
dont really want any
not socially retarded, I just dont get much from it and I get somewhat "delirious" if im forced into too much socialization
somewhat above average intelligence but nothing special. although I think I have deteriorated in my stagnant life style, evidenced by this poorly formated post
straight but I would deny even the most qt3.14 because of some strange idea that I dont want to lower myself to such standards
always an atheist when I was a kid simply because I didnt like the idea of someone higher than me who could read my thoughts, judge me etc...
had anger problems until around 13 or so when I most of had some sort of epiphany or something because since than I have rarely felt anger
I dont really feel attached to my parents but im not the angsty type that ever had a habit of blaming them for my problems
I always thought it preferable and admirable to own up to ones faults. my failings didnt really bother me anyways because I rarely ever tried or cared
never really bothered me that the inevitable path my life was taking was NEEThood and eventually suicide
I think i'm really psychologically fucked up but I dont really mind
I can't kill myself because family so I write stories where my character dies. I'm going to repeatedly kill him (he's a supernatural being) as it's the closest I can get to experiencing death myself.
I'll never be happy or comfortable in this world in the slightest. Escapism and food offers brief reprieves from misery but the real world is an eternal winter that freezes my soul but won't let me die.
I constantly disappoint myself. I think the only reason my parents don't loathe me is because my sister has low functioning autism so in comparison anything I do is great. I don't deserve anything I have.
The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I'm too afraid of what my loved ones would do.
I'm relatively new around. About 3 years I think. I don't have much sense of time but I think it's been 3 years.
At first is simpathized with you guys, not that I really ever fit the robot model. I liked the talk about piss bottles and poop jugs, you guys seemed to have a culture for that and now it's gone. Traces of that remain all across the site but never the way it was in the not-even-that-old r9k.
Anyway what kept me coming back here I believe is >tfw no gf. I am absolutely shit at getting women. I'm not a virgin or anything, but the booty I've got has been from long time friends and people who just want to fuck and don't care who or what. And pity sex.
I am also a loner by nature. Though I have an ease at meeting new people and chitchatting, mostly with girls (for some reason, I can do this if I don't think about the sex but whenever I feel attracted to a woman the ravioli fiels out of the pocketoli nonstop).
So I am somewhat social but at the end I am unable to make bonds with people and would rather be alone most of the time. I also don't really like parties and don't have money for going out anyway. But mostly I prefer to stay home and read or study. I really like to study new things or those subjects that I like such as math or, formerly, programming.
creativity is what makes me tick and the world is very unkind to anyone who strives to live a life driven by creativity.
as an artist in 2016 yr either eating for the rest of your life or outright starving and trying to market yourself while remaining genuine to yourself and your thoughts is like spinning plates, so unless you're lucky enough to either be relatively accessible/"normal" by nature or catch lightning in a bottle you're essentially fucked.
so trying to reconcile this with a necessary 9 to 5 lifestyle, trying to connect with others, etc. all becomes disheartening and very hard to do. it's a mixture of narcissism and insecurity, i guess a superiority complex of sorts. being very critical and aware of the tropes and stereotypes live their lives within makes you very self-conscious as well: if that guy sounds stupid saying that, i'll probably sound stupid to everyone else if i say what i have to say, right?
i don't know.
everything is very sad to me. i can feel it
>I'm quite boring with nothing to add to most conversations
>Hardly any sense of humor aside from sarcastic, dry, ironic maymay humor
>When people seem to be having fun I can't really join in as it feels extremely forced and awkward
>I'm not even smart or well educated, so when someone else with a relatively serious disposition comes along, I can't keep up in a conversation
>I can't seem to make a solid connection with anyone, in most groups I'm just that guy that's tolerated and not really wanted.
>For some reason people talk/vent to me about their problems and secrets, so at the very least I think I am a good listener if that can be considered a unique trait at all
>I'm extremely lonely and want a genuine connection with someone
>hard for me to actually enjoy talking to someone, but once I like someone I'll cling to them pretty badly. I try to stop myself from being clingy but I'm pretty sure that shit pops out every now and then
>Horrible self esteem
>Being ignored is one of my worst annoyances
>short temper
>random mood swings because I'll think of something bad
>apparently give off an innocent vibe, according to numerous coworkers
Wait, do you mean robot literally, or as a degree of social ineptitude? Either way you won't help me, the immediate implication from people who do is that the problem is with me, not even in the sense of a lack of sufficient physical activity and personal hygiene, but that I should just "feel better". The people who endeavor towards what you are after present a feigned respect for the individual they are working with, and often are offended or simply give up upon hearing the truth from the subject. If the subject chooses to go along with the situation, depending on whether they see through the ruse determines the outcome; someone who does see through it merely ends up disappointed and goes on with their life as it was, one who does not is coaxed into falsely integrating with society, becoming the troubled individual through whom the average
person gains a perception of kindness, never truly enjoying the social inclusion they desired. To be completely honest, I believe the life I instinctively wish for cannot be achieved in our modern world, the average person lies and is lied to their entire life, and I'm not sure they can ever create an honest environment.
>first gf
>lose everything to her, hand touching, kiss, cuddle, virginity
>she just lost virginity with me
here is the ugly part
>she had bf, as in during our thing
>I knew about him
>fucked her in their bed when he was at work
I thought I loved her but desu now I'm now realizing she is a slut. I hate myself I hate that I did that, why am I such a trash person.
>tfw my only experience with romance was that mess
I'm not too much of a robot, if anything I'm just a bit strange. I enjoy depraved and edgy things and I am a sadist. That being said I have never actually hurt any animals or anything like that because I don't see the reason in doing so and I like them. When it comes people however, I will happily fap to cunt busting, women being beaten, abused and raped until they are shrieking and crying. When it comes to the edgy part I listen to a lot of black and drone metal. I enjoy reading about Occultism and general NS topics whether it be Holocaust revisonism/ denial or the various Jewish conspiracy theories.
I guess I'm more of an introvert, I prefer to stay at home and browse /r9k/, read or play vidya. I have quite a few friends and I can make friends if they aren't complete normalfags. But I tend to keep to myself; if I didn't have friends who were into metal I probably wouldn't have as many friends.
TL;DR: I'm cancer
>>28451980
Holy shit someone else knows this feel. No matter what I do there's still a part of me that feels as if I truely belong. I don't know what it is or what causes it but it's there.
