> be single
> feel like you need company to be validated
> get gf
> still feel just as empty
> her compliments mean nothing, you can't laugh at her jokes, you can't appreciate her at all
> end up becoming really distant within a matter of months
> eventually start acting like a dick to force them away
> repeat
find happiness in your own company and interests, anon. none of us serve a purpose and love isn't real.
take it from a person who goes through this cycle fucking constantlyalthough i'm probably a sociopath[/spoiler/]
>>28418327
Are you me? I'm a schizoid according to the shrink I had to see before my last job.
I just don't enjoy other people. I don't connect and I don't open up. I just don't talk. I'll bullshit my way at gatherings just so my family doesn't think I'm not as bad as I am.
Shrink said it was hereditary. Dad has it and so does my grandfather.
>>28418397
I've never been tested for any kind of disorder, although I probably should, if only to understand myself.
I go through phases of really wanting to care about something and then absolutely not giving a single fuck.
I'm brutally honest with my family that I hate how they act etc and how their kids are fucking annoying and shit
but they laugh it off as me being sarcastic which works just fine I guess.
What's your ideal future? All I can picture is a nice clean studio apartment and enough money to do what I want when
I feel like it.
The more you go through relationships, the more you realize feelings can be fabricated the more you focus on them,
and everything seems less and less significant.
I always think, why the fuck does anyone like me? Anyone can make a joke, anyone can say and do what I say, probably better than me too; why does anyone give a fuck about anything? I tend to find myself getting angry at people
who care so passionately about things?
Fuck I don't know man
>>28418327
wew lad
that is so me it's actually frightening
>>28418490
I' m pretty much the same way.
As for my ideal future? A small ranch. Away from the city. Where I can do what I want when I want and how I want. I just want to be left alone. Like I don't mind having friends(as fake as they are) as it gives me something to distract myself with, but I simply don't care.
I don't get along with my family at all. My mom and I rarely talk. I talk to my dad, but that's because I know if I didn't he'd probably hire a PI to follow me. The last thing I need is him to know all I do is work sleep and shoot guns. I tell him what he wants to hear and that's it.
As for relationships, I've had a pretty sour one in the past and the rest I've realized are meaningless bullshit really. I don't enjoy their company after awhile. I don't care about how shitty work was. I don't care about going to her family gatherings. Etc. They're replaceable just as much as you are. You move on you're forgotten in a few months once it ends anyways.
They don't understand us basically is what I think. My mom says bitches and says I shouldn't be so cynical and jaded and I simply reply that's reality and life. That I should try to get a good girl and get married and make my own family witbout my ex to fuck me over more. You know that shit with the 'I want grandkids' spiel.
I simply don't care about what people are passionate about. I don't get angry really. I just nod my head and let them talk while I'm busy thinking about other shit.
To answer the question of why do people give a fuck? Because it gives them a sense of direction or meaning in their lives. Something they would be unable to do without that spark of whatever the hell it is.
My emotions are very muted. I don't open up to my family or friends/gfs. I rarely talk about what's going on in my mind. Girls think they can 'fix' whats broken inside of me. And they get frustrated when it doesn't work.
After awhile I just got good at faking emotions so much that I've forgotten or something.
>>28418735
Yeah, fuck, I feel that so bad.
I'm too observant of the world and I just fucking sit there on the tram into my city or whatever watching people, faces, conversations, patterns,
like I feel as if I can say things to trigger responses I've already prepared the answer to, like everything is on tracks and nobody sees it.
When I walk through streets I see everything almost in slow motion, just watching everything and feeling so disconnected it's insane.
I've tried telling my friends that it's kind of like being a ghost people can see. Nothing matters and nothing I do is sincere.
I act nice because it's the correct thing to do, not because I feel the need to act that way. A robotic response to whatever is happening.
Friend is upset? Offer comfort. Social situation? Say something funny. Wait for response. Continue. Laugh. Ask about interests etc.
The only time I feel any amount of anything is while I'm listening to music or sometimes watching movies. For some reason I feel more
with fictional material than anything real.
Would I change if there was some kind of cure, I have no idea. I'm used to this and I don't /dislike/ it.
Being normal would be easier though.
>>28418327
i feel like i want to enjoy being with other people, but when i actually spend time with others, it bore the shit out me and i would rather be literally anywhere else. i'm probably a sociopath as well, i just can't connect to others. this has destroyed almost completely my relationships with my family members, i've only had a friend i actually liked spending time with once, a weeb spic i met in 8th grade. i don't even talk to him anymore though.
>>28418950
I know those thoughts and feels all too well.
Its all robotic for me. Input. Reaction. Output. Repeat cycle until desired result is achieved. I'm nice because it's socially demanded and it makes things simpler.
I explained it to an ex almost the same exact way;
Its like being a ghost. Only people will see you when they want to see you. Other than that you don't exist and you're forgotten. You're there when needed nonexistent when not. I noted I existed to her when she was in a really bad patch in life and conviently didn't when the hard part passed.
For me when I walk the streets I end up paying so much attention around me. My head is on a swivel constantly moving observing and making notes. I was homeless and been in several bad spots in my life so when I'm out and about IRS all about absorbing all I can
Same here. I sometimes fuck around on a forum and RP to just keep my creative side in check. But I've felt more with certain music more than movies. There's some music out there that really sorta just unlocks something that I have no idea how to handle or understand so I just box it back up and lock it again.
Is it fixable? I don't know. Its not depression. But I've heard therapy works with select medications. But to me, its too much hassle witbout a concrete guarantee that I'd be fixed. So I simply don't do it.
> be single
> feel like you need company to be validated
> not an option
> suffer
>>28418397
Same here it sucks
Maybe one out of every thousand people thinks I'm okay to be around
>>28418327
I'm the opposite. I act like a nice guy for the first two months, but after that the mask of lies usually falls off and they realize I'm a selfish asshole.
>>28419304
I guess it's the same thing though, if it ends the same.
How is 'acting' like an asshole different from just being an asshole, I guess.
It's just how I justify to myself that I'm not a bad person...
I am a very bad person, even though I don't /mean/ to hurt people.
If I actually cared about collateral damage I would just stop getting infatuated with new girls but I do it anyway.
The last girl I was with had terrible abandonment issues, was super obsessed and possessive of me, I had to cut her off for my own sake,
but this latest one I've been seeing for maybe one month really is nice. Even though I'm not emotionally attached I'm going to try my best and see where things go.
I at least want to break things off and remain good friends. She's in a shitty position with abusive parents and I want to get her to a better place at least.
We'll see how long that lasts
>>28419267
You'll get used to it unless you make the conscious choice and make the effort to try and fix it.
I'm no shrink. But reading up on it basically says therapy and select medications. I'm not pushing pills or advocating it.
But the option is there should you choose to take that path. Only you can make the choice to do so.
Will it help? I don't know. I don't even know what causes schizoid personality disorder.
>>28419387
All I can say is support her. Just know that you have to set your boundaries too. Be there for her and do what you can.
Collateral is going to happen anyway. When youre single or not. You can't please everyone. But don't dive so deep you can't go back to the surface to breathe.
>>28419258
> be single
> feel like you need company to be validated
> I have zero connection with any women
> Online dating is a joke
> suffer
I've you fags manage to get a gf at least you're doing something right
>>28418327
I like being alone and shit. I get more things done in my day. Chasing girls is not that fun anymore either.
>>28419653
Anon do you look okay?
If you're not the fucking elephant man it's not /too/ hard.
Literally all I did to make this girl like me was fucking spout horrible puns and make sarcastic comments.
Girls like to laugh at you and say shit like 'ahaha anon you're such a NERD ;D'
Just have half a decent sense of humor and they'll come around.
I personally am super self-deprecating, ironic, sarcastic, and hateful, but just use what works.
