Time for feels, /r9k/.
What's bogging you down tonight?
I'll start.
>22
>Been in "big boy" job for 5 months as of next week.
>First 3 months go great, meet new people, expand my knowledge etc.
>After 3 months, interest begins to decline.
>Company losing money rapidly due to being too old fashioned and can't beat Amazon (publishing)
>Make 32k in NYC, with a two hour long commute to and from each day, costing me around 350 dollars a month for a bus pass.
>Never get praise for my work anymore. Boss begins to detest me, constantly yells at me, never answers my questions etc.
>Dread getting up everyday to go to a job I utterly hate, deal with my boss, and have the long commute.
>Gaining weight due to stress over job and potentially getting fired.
>Question my life daily, whether I should kill myself or attempt to change fields.
>Can't change fields because my degree (communication) is fucking useless. I was too stupid to do Meteorology because I couldn't handle calculus and physics at once.
>Only have 5k in the bank currently.
>Family is moving to NC in a couple of months, have no choice but to move there.
>No gf, only a few friends who I barely talk to anymore because work consumes 90% of our time.
What're your current feels?
Seems pretty shitty anon, I'll start:
>being 19
>going to collage
>losing motivation to keep studying
>losing motivation for anything in life
>things that caused me pleasure no longer exists
>taking distance from people
>never fell in love before
>fell in love
>girl rejects me
>not committing suicide because mom
>mom is sick
>father works hard, seems stressed
>>28411065
That sounds awful, anon.
I hate to ask, but what's going on with your mom?
>>28411100
emphysema
at least I learned a new word in english
thanks for asking, hope everything gets better for you, anon
>postan inna /v/ thread
>newfags quickly rear their ugly heads in gross prideful existence
>reminded of what a shit fucking board /v/ is
>reminded of the sheer gargantuan amount of newfags--most literally underage--on the site now and how they've irreparably destroyed the entire place
THREE HUNDRED PERCENT MAD
>>28411194
That's terrible.
I haven't met anyone diagnosed with it, but I do see drug ads for it.
I'm sorry anon, I hope your mother gets the treatment she needs.
And thank you, it means a lot to me.
>>28410738
Guess I'll go
>doc has me on new medication
>causes excessive salivation
>also gives me insomnia
>constant battle to keep from drooling all over myself
>constant battle with sleep
>want off of it ASAP
>thinking cold turkey since I've really only been on it for two weeks now
>also
>have to move out of current place by the 1st
>nowhere near being ready to move out
>kind of anxious to move out
>3rd move in as many years
>just wish I could stay at one place for more than a year for once
I've been crying for the past hour.
I think I'm finally going to call my mother tomorrow, I haven't been in any contact with her for almost 2 years.
I tell so many lies about her, I don't know how I live with myself. All of my friends think I'm deaf in my left ear from her smashing a 2x4 to the side of my head when I was child.
She never laid a finger on me, she was always trying to help men in some way or another, but for the past 5 years I've done nothing but shut her away and blame her for everything wrong with my life.
I know she will forgive me, but I won't deserve it
Well my current feel is to not OD on these pills I have here to see if I can get high. I want to take them but it might kill my liver which means another ER visit. Gonna take some klonopin now but I need it, its prescribed.
I've been playing dark souls offline and I really enjoyed it until the PS3 forced an update and all these changes happened and I couldn't enjoy myself.
At first I was sad playing alone but then I realized it was my world!
A world all to myself!
but now I have invaders, annoying revenge invaders, people I don't know here and there, I just want to play in peace.
Not only that but I might be homeless come the next few months. I need to figure out my campus living situation because they waitlisted me despite me being literally poor.
Currently on wellbutrin, lexapro, and klonopin, they're adding abilify soon.
I don't know what I want OP. I'm stuck on a part in DS so Im taking a break but I don't know. I'm 19 dropped out of Uni twice been in and out of psych wards for a while, I wish I could have a fairy tale tier relationship with someone. I wish I could undo the years of escapism through drugs food and crime. I'm a fat shit now with no friends and a bleak future unless I prove to the Uni I can do well this fall.
The girl I thought I loved is probably long gone. I don't know man. It seems like its always all ogre but there I am, waking up the next day.
>>28411322
I'm sorry about your moves and your medication. What meds are you on? Also, what state are you in?
>>28411334
Just get it over with, anon. You will feel much better when you do, believe me.
>>28411337
I feel you. Housing in uni is fucking terrible, I almost went homeless because of it. I didn't get picked so I nearly had to rent a couch for a semester.
I hope life gets better for you, anon. I hope uni works out for you and you're not homeless either.
>>28411334
Everyone has mistakes, I'm pretty sure she will understand, just call her; you an your mother gonna get better
>22
>No goals, no particular skills, not even finished studies
>Distant light shines on the possibility of getting into shape and joining the army
>Mother died of neurological issue, so did her brother, live in fear thinking I can be next in line
>Father's absolutely broken down, spent his life working as a salesman since 18, is now middle-aged and unemployed, can't cope, I get treated to his rantings at least daily, has taken to saying he feels he doesn't have anything to live for
>MFW so many years ago I found my mother's diary and it was a jumble of religious writing and suicidal thoughts as her health declined
>MFW sexually abused by older kids when I was a child
>No one is really aware of the two, the older I get, the more suffocating thinking of both gets, and I lose most nights over it
No man is made of iron, and those that think they are, invariably fall to rust.
None of it in chronological order, but I wrote as it came to my mind.
>>28411475
This is >>28411322
I'm on haloperidol and I live in Washington (the state, not the capitol)
>hired on to a wageslave job, starting monday
>trying to finish up my cut this month
>everyone else around me has shit dieting habits
>have to navigate a minefield of gains goblins every day
>tfw just want to live alone in peace and work on my body
>27 years old
>work 24 hours a week as a stocker
>don't pay any of my own bills
>work is a fucking heinous nightmare and hurts my body terrible. I can't even imagine working full time. The mental and physical agony would kill me
>wasting my life on nothing
>>28411501
we are kind on the same boat anon
>23
>recently failed med school
>no job skills or experience
>havent talked to mom in about 2 years
>currently living with dad, and he doesnt know about my current dropout of uni
>tense relationship with my dad (he constantly asks me to move out) and aunt (who also lives with dad)
>utterly depressed (I feel energy depleted and exhausted all the time)
>Im scared of leaving the house into the real cold world
>balding
>What's bogging you down tonight?
The dog on the 2nd floor that got locked and trapped outside on the balcony all night by asshole neighbors and has this constant whining bark that follows the most annoying pattern. It doesn't even sound like a bark. It sounds like it is screaming out WEEHOOHOO over and over, or KILLMEPLEASE. I'm on the 3rd floor so it is right underneath my bed. I just want to go to sleep because of intrusive thoughts and existential dread, I just want to disappear for awhile, but no. My eyes feel like they weigh a ton. No sleep for me. I'm guessing it's keeping up the entire apartment complex as well. I feel bad for the dog for having such a shitty owner and having to live in such a shitty place. There are homeless dogs and cats all over the fucking place from shitty owners. They just abandon their animals when they leave and abuse them when they're here. There are 8 stray starving cats that we put food and water out for everyday. Mostly bite-sized kittens. We have 4 stray cats living with us as well that have recovered from asshole abusive owners (there was a pregnant homeless cat.) I spent my childhood in this garbage apartment complex. There's nothing outside but heat and traffic. It's cramped with buildings. No nature, nowhere you can be alone, nothing but melting city. I've been here for 8 years. I've forgotten the luxury of a home. The insect infestations are unbearable. The toilets don't work. The showers only run hot water for 10 minutes. The roof is about to collapse from all of the leaking rain water. I live with a hoarder and my room is the only clean place I know, yet it's also filled with insects and memories I want to forget. The cops are here everyday. Everyone here is an addict and an alcoholic. Everyone here is unhappy. Looking at the children that have to grow up here in poverty and the cycle that is being perpetuated, I really just want to blow my brains out. I wish I had a warm, comfortable home. Surviving on 400 calories.
>>28410738
I'm in calc 3 and physics 2 right now, not failing, but holy fuck is it hard.
>>28411666
In a way, I guess.
My father doesn't want me to move out, though.
He's the sort of traditionalist that would only have me leave the house when I get married, when in reality, and in his day, he was a wild casanova.
I've at some point even wished he would just die he comes with his talks, let me have some money so I can get my life on the rails, for however little it is, I'll make the best out of it.
>>28411792
Holy shit man, what city/country?
>feel lonely
>decide that i'm so lonely i should sign up for a dating website just to see who's out there in my area
>see all these unappealing women around
>don't feel so bad for being lonely anymore
>>28411893
arizona usa
I am incredibly attracted to this guy, both sexually and on a personal level. We met when I was working at a bar, and he and his friends were working on a project. We all got along well, so we went for some casual drinks. Since then, we've been facebook friends, but have not met up again.
We don't chat constantly, but every month or so we'll touch base again, and every time the conversation is meaningful, deep, and we run on very similar intellectual levels.
We're both in committed relationships (as far as I know on his end - we don't talk about partners), and on my end I would never leave my bf for him, or cheat on my bf with him. But, I'm just so drawn to him and I know he feels the same way. Idk how to describe it, but we have this really weird connection.
I'll never drink whiskey in a park, and argue philosophy and themes in literature with him. We're never going to reach over to the other at 4 AM, and have drowsy sex. We'll never break up when we realize that our chemistry and vibes mesh so well together, but ultimately it's a terrifying loneliness that strings us together.
He sent me his novel, and I understand him.
I love my bf deeply, and even if I met up with this guy I would never cheat. What I have is too good - it's too real, and too solid. It's just one of those missed opportunities, and I just have a lot of feelings about it right now.
went through some bad relationships so i took time off dating. told myself i wouldnt date another girl seriously unless she was "worth it"...meaning i could just be myself around her and everything.
i finally met her. it took so fucking long and i met her. we dated for a year. she made me such a better person, helped me get over my drinking problems, helped me see more worth in myself. i tried to do the same things for her but i fucking couldnt. i couldnt fucking help her get over her depression and self-esteem issues. i just didnt fucking try hard enough.
so she dumped me. she dumped me because she's too depressed that she needs to be alone. she doesnt want to burden me with helping her even though i want to. she's moving back across the country to be with her family and i'll never see her again, let alone be with her again, and its because i was too fucking stupid to put in 120% effort in trying to help her with her issues.
im so fukin sad boys. i started drinking agian because its the only thing that will let me sleep. i havent been this sad in years.
>>28411501
Follow that light anon, you need to get away from it all. Join the army, blow the bank, explore the world. Go on an adventure, see the world. But as long as you stay where you are you aren't going to get any better, you want a change? Go and make one
>>28412110
OP, she is the one that could not sort out her issues, you made no faults. The thing about realtionships OP is you have to depend on somebody else; it doesn't matter how much effort you put into your relationship, if your partner is not of sound mind then it just has to end....
And yeah it sucks, it hurts like hell, but you have to move on or you will just be miserable forever.
>>28410738
I lost the card I was going to give Mum for Mother's Day and she was mad at me.
I got her another one with a rose though and took her out to lunch so I hope it's okay.
>21
>refused to go to tafe due to bad interaction with a counsellor who told me the bad things first and just said at the I'll adjust
>decide to go to an employment course that helps me gain jobs and courses and skills I need to go into the working world
>four weeks in. The news tells of a new pensioner system that requires less severe people and pensioners (besides the criminals for God knows why) to at least do 8 hours of activity (work, course, training) to keep pension
>can earn only a little bit of money on top of it
>2 years in and I finally built up courage to work 2 hours at a local cafe I buy my lunches at.
>decent worker and nice people to work with but still don't know what business to go into
>can't get a job there because no positions available plus it wouldn't last anyways
>tfw manager said she's wishes she could work at this cafe for the rest of her life and still be able to survive
>tfw shes a normie and has the same problem as me just less severe
>sheknowsthatfeelwithoutmetellingherfeels.jpg
>get extension
>still no job or future five months
>hear of an employment agency where I could go for the rest my life which will let me keep my NEETBux
>mostly really severe spergs go there and even if you get let in your best friend whose in the same boat can't get in because he's low support
>most of your friends at the course are getting jobs and leaving the course
>alone.jpg
>beloved trainer may leave for fiji one day and you won't have money to visit him
>even more alone.jpg
>tfw my life is basically over, my source of income situation is a dilemma, and you can't commit suicide cause you'd hurt too many people who are friends and family
>mate just got gf
>I'm still lonely awkward virgin
Good on him and shit, but it's still something that hurts.
>>28411792
Jesus anon, I hope you can find a way out of that shithole.
>Couple years ago
>mother's day
>Wondering what to gift her
>Remember an author I know she really likes just came out with a new book
>No way in hell it would have made it on time had I bought it online
>Actually really hard to track down but eventually managed to find a library that sold it.
>Really expensive.
>Had to skip classes to wait in line.
>Wrap it myself.
>As soon as I got home she got mad at me for whatever reason I don't remember.
>Didn't really know what to do so I left the wrapped book on her nightstand and go fuck around somewhere for the rest of the day.
>The book is not there when I come back
>Never see her reading it.
>Several months afterwards
>Aunt is running some charity thing and asked us to donate some stuff
>Mum told me to go fetch a box she kept in her closet filed with "Crap I don't care about".
>The book I gave her was inside.
>She didn't even unwrap it.
And now I'm wonder if I should even acknowledge mother's day this year.
>>28414929
mate, did you put your name on it
how else would she know it was from you/the book she really cares about
>>28415455
It's only me and her in the house and it was mother's day. Not too difficult to put two and two together.
She would have known which book it was had she bothered to unwrap it
>>28415455
>>28415455
It was left on her nightstand, she most likely knew it was mother's day coming up, plus all it would take is a little curiosity to wonder what such a parcel is doing in HER room. Who else is it going to be for?
>>28415455
>>28415573
All jokes aside, this hurt my feelings like you have no idea.
What do you think I should do?
>>28415650
I had the same situation with my mother. Soon I will be moving out with the knowledge that I tried making a working friendship with her but failed.
My father said it is not my job reforging the friendship, but I think everybody deserves a second chance. Anon give her the parcel and tell her it is for her, because you value her and love her, or words who are fit for your feelings
Soon she will only know my brother as her son and me as the child of her second husband.
It hurts.
>wake up every day
>I don't have a husky to cuddle
Truly the worst.
>>28415886
Thanks for the understanding, fellow robot. Unfortunately I don't have the parcel any more nor the humanity to voice my feelings.
I guess I'll just sleep all day long or something
>>28415956
I can say with no humanity you can't be hurt, but this is not true.
But the thicker the shell the harder you can get rid of it.
Sleep a night over it. Maybe make nice breakfast for you and your mother, and go for a walk with her for some Icecream.
I know that you know, that the solution is somewhere inside you, you just need to think calmly
Don't gaze too long into the abyss.
>>28416050
Ok, I'll try. Didn't mean this to come off as a Dark Souls reference
