who /mischief/ here?
>be me
>at store checkout
>give qt cashier wrong change
>she has to touch my hand again
>>28176178
>sit next to qt girl on the bus
>"accidentally" bump into her only really to feel her touch
>cashier asks if I found everything I needed
>say yes
>actually didn't
normies btfo
>>28176178
>see cute girl
>act alpha and ask her out
>take her on dates
>when we're intimate and cuddling post coitus, go full beta and tell her I love her and she's the only one for me and that I'm a virgin
>I wasn't a virgin at all
I wonder if chads ever do this, but I doubt they're as fucked up. If robots just took up 3 seconds of courage they could do the same. LITERALLY just drink a schnapps or two before asking a girl out, its that simple.
>>28176209
>do this with qt
>autism pays me a visit
>im basically lying on fucking top of her
>gotta get that good touch
>at least i kept the convo about anime going throughout the bus ride
>Infantry
>"Anon cover me!"
>"I got you man :)"
>I wasn't covering him
>Just fucking kill me
Rip Mazzo you were my best friend in Iraq
![1444225698505[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/w7X5jiB.jpg "1444225698505[1].jpg")
>Be in college
>Today is "Denim Day" to show support for ending sexual harassment by wearing jeans
>Wear khakis instead
>Album has a name your own price deal
>Lowest req offer is $0.01
>Pay $7.00
>>28176324
LOCK UP THE THREAD
O
C
K
U
P
T
H
E
T
H
R
E
A
D
>>28176178
>be me
>buying food at 7/10 female checkout
>have autist shopping list with exact prices beside every item
>calculate total in my head while waiting
>figure I'll impress her with muh math
>say the total before she says it
>7/10 stops and looks at me funny
>nervously wait for paywave screen to light up
>touch my paywave
>"would you like a receipt?"
>"s-sure here you go"
>hand her my shopping list
>mfw not even /mischief/ just retarded
>at an auction on ebay for an item that costs $80 no more
>snipe three people at the last second and put down $500
>win
>"would you like a receipt?"
>"s-sure here you go"
>hand her my shopping list
kek'd
>one of those 'buy two get the third one for free' things
>get two
>cash out
>'would you like the third one for free'
>'no'
Dumb normalfags should've known better
more /mischief/ plz robomen
>>28176256
What the fuck? Frogs don't even have teeth.
>>28178152
What the fuck? Reverse bait isn't even funny.
>smoking cigarette outside
>neighbor girl says I should quit because they're bad for me
>don't
>Sit next to friend's wife at dinner
>Lean in to look at something
>Smell her hair
They'll never know.
>>28178193
what actually happened
>foot kicks me from under the table
>why smelling my wife's pubes faggot?
>kicked out of nice warm dinner onto an icy street in a colourless gray world
>walk two blocks
>get beat up by a bunch of homeless guys in nike shoes
>wind up in hospital with a ruptured spleen
>robotlyfe
>go to public restroom
>don't wash hands
>greet my friends anyway
>>28176178
>be me
>cashier
>customer throws money on counter
>as i'm about to give them change, they extend their hand
>i throw the change on the counter
>watch them fumble with the change instead of offering to help them
normies btfo
>early morning routine
>set alarm extra early
>be first to bathroom
>turn shower on
>commence with 45 minute morning poo
>wagecuck family members pounding on door.
>wait till I know they're gonna be late for work to come out
>no hot water
>watch them scramble in my poosphere to get ready for work.
>go back to bed.i didnt even shower
>>28178513
passive aggressive fembot detected
>>28178547
>confirmed /devilish/ anon
D E V I L I S H
E
V
I
L
I
S
H
>>28178564
close
i'm a passive aggressive robot.
>Going to bed
>Mother tells me to have sweet dreams
>Actually tormented by nightmares throughout the night
>at shops
>order some food
>"Is that all?"
>"yes"
>recive order
>actually wanted more
>>28178713
>order $3 of chips
>"do you want chicken salt"
>"no regular is fine"
>actually wanted chicken salt
E D G Y
D
G
Y
>in McDonalds drive-thru
>I ask for extra napkins
>drive off while they get them for me
Thats what they get for being wagecucks
>>28178845
>be me
>be 12
>decide I don't like mcdonalds
>never eat there again
>that'll show my future self
H E A L T H Y
E
A
L
T
H
Y
>post in thread
>delete post
>>28176178
>8th grade
>skater
>bus driver says i can't bring skateboard onto schoolbus
>sneak it onto bus for next few months
>at the beer shop
>order 6 liters of beer
>bitch pours it in two 3L bottles
>tell her I want it separately in six 1L bottles
>she has to pour 6 liters again
>>28178952
absolute madman anon
>pic related
>>28176311
Why weren't you fucking covering him man
>Order 360 controller from Amazon
>Right stick squeaky as fuck
>Decide to open it up and spray a little WD-40 in it
>Undo all the screws
>Shit, back is hard to take off
>Plastic bends
>Figure I'm fucked anyways and jerk the back off
>Niggers put a hidden screw under the sticker
>Snap the motherboard or whatever in half
Gonna pack it up and send it back. I just hope I'm not gonna get fucked because I had the squeaky joystick as the return reason and not the fact that the controller doesn't work. I doubt they'd really check thoroughly enough to bother to plug it in and mess with it though, right?
>go to restaurant and get great service from waitress
>give her a penny as tip
Dumb wagecucks. You're not getting anything from me.
>>28178952
>>28179032
S T O P T H E P R E S S E S
T
O
P
>pretend to be straight
>get a girlfriend
>get her pregnant
>get married
>get a house together
>get her pregnant 2 more times
>stay with her for 30 years
>reveal to her it's been a ruse this entire time
>mfw
NORMIES BTFO
>>28176499
oh no you didn't, lol.
>>28179007
Gtfo Sean!
>normie asks me the time
>"I don't know the time"
>"Just look at your watch anon"
>look at watch
>look at normie straight in the eyes
>"no"
>>28179305
/devious/ anon
>pretend to be gay non-racist
>marry a black man
>adopt several black children
>stay with them for 30 years as bread winner
>reveal that not actually gay and hate black people
they never suspected a thing
>>28178845
>go to mcdonalds
>find out which burger toppings are free
>order big mac extra extra extra mega heavy on the lettuce
>take food to table
>dump all veggies on the floor
>>28179388
>fuck a gay mexican in the ass
>suck his dick
>joke's on him, I'm voting for Trump
>>28179442
>slip over
>fall on the floor myself
>tfw also a vegetable
>>28179478
>get conscripted to work on the wall
>promise I'll write him
>build a glory hole in the wall
>not even trump can build walls between lovers
>>28176178
>spend rent money on shit
>next month comes around and I have to be real careful not to spend too much so I can cover the late month
>spend this months rent on shit too
>>28178770
what the fuck is chicken salt? are you euros so poor, you resorted to use "chicken salt" instead of actual chicken tendies?
>>28179690
>tfw scat fetish ruining life
>>28179748
incredibly accurate desu
chips with chicken salt about a third the price of equivalent tendies meal
>be me
>"accidentally" bump into her only really to feel her touch
>actually didn't
>when we're intimate and cuddling post coitus, go full beta and tell her I love her and she's the only one for me and that I'm a virgin
>at least i kept the convo about anime going throughout the bus ride
>Just fucking kill me
>Wear khakis instead
>Pay $7.00
>calculate total in my head while waiting
>win
>hand her my shopping list
>'would you like the third one for free'
>don't
>Smell her hair
>walk two blocks
>greet my friends anyway
>as i'm about to give them change, they extend their hand
>commence with 45 minute morning poo
>Actually tormented by nightmares throughout the night
>"yes"
>actually wanted chicken salt
>drive off while they get them for me
>never eat there again
>delete post
>bus driver says i can't bring skateboard onto schoolbus
>tell her I want it separately in six 1L bottles
>Shit, back is hard to take off
>give her a penny as tip
>get her pregnant
>look at watch
>reveal that not actually gay and hate black people
>dump all veggies on the floor
>joke's on him, I'm voting for Trump
>tfw also a vegetable
>not even trump can build walls between lovers
>spend this months rent on shit too
>>28176499
>not just mentally adding everything to your total for each item to know exactly how much you are spending and how much would you spend if you got another cheap bottle of wine
>go to public restroom
>take a shit
>wipe ass
>turn off light switch with shitty toilet paper
>wipe doorknobs with shitty toilet paper
>leave
>>28177220
>want to sell x on eBay
>there are 20 people selling the same thing
>buy them all with fake account
>put my shit for sale
>>28179774
>calling it "chicken salt"
>not using the proper British term "HALAAAALLLLLLL SALT ACKBAR"
>>28179774
why steal the only joy of robots? you need some tendies in your life. but theyre probably made by poo loos or pakis, so i guess its a wise choice to stick with "chicken salt".
>>28179875
>shit I dun goof now bois
>forgot that chicken salt is racially insensitive
see you all in prison I'll be the one with the most broken asshole
>Be riding motorcycle
>Stop at a roundabout
>Wait for my car on the right before i head onto the left lane to go straight
>As I'm riding and about to pass the roundabout some bitch in her car swerves into my lane and near squishes me right into a curb and doesn't notice me at all
>Luckily i pulled in the front brake lever otherwise i would have fell off
>I kick it down into second gear and fly up beside her as she is about to turn left into some shopping center parking and punch her driver side mirror right off
Get fucked mate.
>>28178193
>crowded bus
>get stuck right behind pretty Stacey
>try to stealth smell her hair
>it wat the most putrid stench I ever smelled, Stacey must have gone a couple months without using any kind of hair product
>>28179937
>someone repeats this same greentext for the 80 billionth time
>stab sissors in my eyes so I don't have to read it for the 80 billionth and first time
>mfw destroyed eyes for reverse b8
>>28176178
>sit next to 6/10 roastie in my COM102 class
>she's two years older than me and trys to act like a geek girl talking about comic books and watches the popular capeshit shows on TV and Netflix
>Makes small quips out loud when something happens in class as if it makes her cute
>I'm probably the only one who hears her but ignore her like everyone else as she silently mutters the rest of her shitty little joke to herself
>actually says shit like "4spooky5me" and other shitty memes
>tfw I will never indulge in her childish jokes
>mfw
>>28176178
>go to supermarket
>they are offering free cheese samples
>eat the cheese and hear the bullshit
>I tell them it's delicious and put 3 of them in my cart
Walk a few isles and put the cheese on one of the shelves
>>28179915
she probably farted bro.
>>28178282
>Actually believing a robot would have the balls to stick his face in a girls pubes
>>28180032
ha! anon shows how its done
>"win a car" prize guy in the middle of mall
>tries to talk to me
>talk to him for an hour
>tfw only human in the whole world who actually wants to talk to you
>>28179864
>go to public bathroom
>piss up into every toilet paper dispenser
Pic related
>>28180090
holy shit anon this is almost as bad as putting cum on the unused toilet paper
>tfw going to carry my own TP from now on
>like the autistic fuck I already am
>>28180032
Hey that's is a smart move, thank you originalo comento
>go to public restroom
>pee
>when leaving turn off the lights while some dude still in the cabinets
>>28176324
MU-MU-MU-MOOOOOOOODS
>>28179864
What did you do with the shitty toilet paper after?
>>28180024
Oh shit I figured this has been said. I'm sorry anon I'm not new just tired, I will delete my post to satisfy you friend :)
> be male
> identify as female
> go in womens bathroom
> piss all over the toilet seats
>>28178770
>>28179774
>>28179902
>>28179875
Had to google what the fuck you were talking about, and then I realized you were talking about fries
>>28179870
Holy shit anon thanks for the killer eBay tip
>have a married sister
>has 1 child from 1st husband, got divorced, now she is married again
>they decide to keep it as a secret to keep their family together
>they come one day to my place with the kid
>we stay with him in my room, try to show him some vidya
>he breaks my guitar, keyboard, starts yelling that he has playstation at home
>get mad
>tell him that his father is not really his
>show him a photo of his real father with his mom
>at first he doesn't believe it
>starts crying and runs away
haven't seen them for 5 years
>>28179908
>things that have never ever happened desu
>>28180024
>>28180190
deletion madman strikes again
>>28180257
>be male
>identify as female
>go to women's locker room at the gym
>look at naked ladies in the shower room
>get a huge boner
>tell them to stop staring at what in my opinion is my vagina
>film them by pretending to take body-positive selfies
>nobody can do anything about it because I choose to be a woman sometimes
>but not all the time because I'm non-gender-binary
>>28180517
>take swimming in highschool
>there is one gay kid who waits for everyone to finish to shower and get dressed
>have the hots for him
>always wannted to wait until it was only him there and fuck hi.
>don't
>now 25 and a virgin
>normie neighbor is throwing party
>not even a "dude booze and chicks lmao" party, just a small gathering with a few of his friends
>has music playing at a moderate volume, can only really hear it because sitting in room closest to his house with window open
>walk over there
>ask him to put the music down
>"oh sorry, I didn't think it was that loud"
>tell him it's okay, just turn it down
>he actually does
>go back home
>call police
>say I saw 2 people from the party having sex on neighbor's yard and that I'm pretty sure some kids saw
>cops show up
>can hear neighbor yelling angrily about how that never happened
>cops eventually go away
>neighbor angrily walks over to my house (this isn't the first time I've done this
>knocks on my door
>GET ON THE FLOOR____________________________________________
>EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR
>have sex with my sister
>have inbred son
>son becomes king of westeros
>everyone dies
/devilish/
>>28180735
nicelee done anon
>>28180735
I always wondered why people call for party noise complaints instead of just telling the police they saw minors drinking there
>>28180751
>brother is accessed of killing my son
>bust brother out of jail
>he kills my dad
>>28180825
>end up some place I don't even go in the books
>stop watching the show I'm in
>be straight
>have gf
>get drunk
>fap to traps
>claim to not be gay
>>28180925
>gf is also a trap
>got my donkybong in his boipussy right now
>jokes on him
>still not gay
>>28180032
>Australian youth for climate change people at uni are offering cupcakes to those who sign up for their mailing list
>take cupcake and give it to young liberal friend
>put down fake email address
>>28181344
>are you sure they didn't give you a discount for being gay?
>>28180137
This happened to me once. Holy fuck I was pissed.
When I got out I was looking for the fucker so I could punch him, but didnt find him. You were lucky.It'd be funny if I hadn't experienced it myself though.
>>28180913
>ignore the books
>make autists made
GEORGE R. MADMAN
E
O
R
G
E
R
.
M
A
D
M
A
N
>girl walks in front of me arms swinging
>hand hits my penis
>she looks at me, freaked out
>pull out my phone and say "i-its alright, just my phone"
>she looked relived
I count that as sex, too.
>see a neat trinket for 25 cents at a garage sale
>don't have change
>just take it when no one is looking
I'm a bad dude.
>>28182081
>I'm a b[s]ad[/s]lack dude
fixed that for you
>work out for 45mins
>its a new gym so I act like a noob
>I've lifted for 6 years prior so I can outlift all of the guys there
>they double take when I overhead press their deadlift
>drink lots of water during workout
>go to swim afterwards
>get in the lane with the hottest woman
>get infront of her
>let her catch up
>piss in her face
>>28182320
the fuck outahere chad
>>28176311
P-please be fake
>Provoke jocks into beating me up
>I secretly get off on it
>KHHV uni fag
>offer to do girl's laundry so she can write a paper
>proceed to root through her basket and sniff her panties
who here /getsofftosmellingothersundies/?
>>28179829
Have a pity (You). I'm sure this would be better-recieved on r/4chan.
>>28179829
super duper underrated post
>>28178175
Lol I increased my smoking by like 50% after these faggot African immigrants complained and always slam their patio door when I smoke.
I'm even getting a hacking cough but fuck those coons
>>28182882
You sound like a real faggot, is your life that pathetic? Maybe you should look into suiced or something, idk.
>>28178845
fukken kek best one yet I hate min wage workers lol. Welcome to the real world.
>>28179022
This is objectively a top five pepe
>>28176324
That is the kind of thing I would actually do
>>28182920
>gets pissy in a mischief thread
>>28178175
Same thing happened to me, except I told her to fuck off and stop moralizing and she almost started crying and walked away. I realise I'm an edgelord, but it was satisfying.
>>28183033
>tfw she secretly had a crush on you and was actually legitimately concerned for your health
>>28183102
She told me to stop smoking or I would get cancer. Well no shit. Not really concerned why she told me that (maybe someone she knows died of cancer?), but if she thinks I'm too stupid to realise that smoking can cause cancer, she can fuck right off.
>>28183213
tell her to stop taking the pill or she'll get cancer
because you know probabilities are actualities apparently
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-181273/Cancer-risk-45-higher-Pill.html
>>28176311
man fuck you
i hope mazzo haunts you or watches you masturbate as a ghost
>>28176222
That's evil, senpai.
>father asks you what you want to study after high school
>tell him history
>he tells me i can't go there because there are no jobs
>tell him i'll take up history anyway
>go to medical uni instead
>still study history despite being at medical uni
>gf says she's tired
>start pressing my boner against her butt
>make her horny
>have sex
Yeah "tired" lmao
another good /mischief/ thread shuffling its way to the archive
so long sweet prince
>family and friends are extremely homophobic, talk about how they want gays and trannies to die
>I agree then go home to fap to shemales
/devilish/
>>28183985
>and as you're fapping away
>you come across a porn site you haven't seen before
>there's your whole family wearing strap-ons and fucking eachother's buttholes
>now you can be one big happy family
>>28176311
>betraying your best m8
WHY DIDN'T YOU COVER HIM.
>>28176209
>sitting near a girl in some public event
>some part of my body is touching hers
>don't move
>she doesn't even notice while i'm about ready to buy an engagement ring
>>28184190
moar details anonon
>>28184219
huh? that's just a generic situation
i guess if you want a story, one of the best examples of that that i can remember is when i was at a concert once alone
i was just standing there, this 5 foot tall mexican girl with a huge ass is standing in front of me (i'm 6' for reference)
it was pretty tightly packed so there was some shuffling around and she ended up standing close enough to me that her butt was touching my crotch
she was bouncing up and down to the beat of the music and i think i nearly came in my pants
>>28179276
You gave them a penny so you did give them something Retard
>>28184283
nice work anon
a few more years and you'll be able to cum in her pants instead
>Classmates asks if they can use powerpoint for their presentation
>Say they can
>They cannot
>They fail their presentstion
>>28184334
/devilish.pptx/
>>28180925
Are gays attracted to traps?
>be sitting next to qtp2t
>pretend to fall asleep
>slowly lean over until i'm resting on her shoulder
>enjoy the ride
>>28184392
Got more
Classmate asks where everyone is
I say we are in clasroom 241
Whole class sits next to me in lunchroom
They all see the text I send her since it was in a groupwhatsapp
She goes to room241
Sends text, hey there isnt a room 241
Whole class keks, they kept saying, omg anon you cant do that, but they didnt interviene si they were all part of my devilish plan.
She is fat and was carrying her bsckpack and laptopbriefcase
She came to ud a bit wornout and sweaty
No fucks given
>>28184478
probably added days to her life
>>28176324
> kid in school has heart disease
>school makes a wear red for Ryan day to show support
>wear blue
>Girl in class asks "Anon why are you so quiet
> Say I'm just tired
> I'm actually not tired
>>28184334
>Class is in the computer lab making power point presentations for some speech thing.
>Girl in the class doesn't have a way to save here power point
> Teacher tells me to let her save her presentation on my zip drive.
> I go on the first day of speeches. She doesn't.
> Proceed to skip school and sit on my ass at home for the next 4 days.
>>28184670
nice nice
and did she fail?
>>28180089
I know this fucking feeling, anon.
>Jehovah's witness creep trying to talk to everyone who walks by
>I actually have nothing going on in life so I stop to talk
>after about 2 minutes of conversation see discomfort on his face
>clearly I'm writing him out
>hands me a copy of watch tower and quickly walks away to end any further contact with me
I have an uncanny ability to make even the most confident people anxious. Their eyes get all watery and they start looking nervous and panicky. They might start stuttering. It's cool I guess.
>game says press any button to continue
>press power button
Normalfags on suicide watch.
>>28184690
no
A buddy of mine was trying to get in her pants and he thought if he was her white knight he might have a chance. So i let him come get it from me. In true Stacey fashion she lost all interest in him after she got what she wanted.
>>28184739
actually did this one anon
>bowling with last remaining friend before becoming complete robot
>his family is there too
>friend gets a strike
>only strike of the night (we suck)
>old as fuck TV monitor bowling score counter
>"press any key to continue"
>press the reset button
>loses his strike
shortly thereafter never spoke to me again
>>28184748
>you should have put a 1/10" inch of rubber cement in the end of the USB connector
>it'll go in but it won't register on the computer
>Correct the teacher in a tutorial
>Someone else tells to be quite
>I stutter and mumble while looking and my feet and try not to cry
>Tutor defends me and tells the other person I was right
NORMIES BTFO
>>28176178
>coworker asks me to sit outside with her and eat lunch together
>tells me she's on her period and wants me to buy feminine products for her
>say okay I will
>dont
>she looks at me kind of funny like 30 minutes later
>tries to subtly ask me if I'm still going to help her without being specific so no one knows what she's talking about
>act confused and pretend I have no clue what she's referring to
Btfo
>>28184761
D E V I L I S H
Tbo
>>28176178
>girl randomly starts "befriending" me
>invites me to hang out on Saturday night
>I'm the only male invited
>I am not chad or even attractive
>she also mentions they need a bit of money and asks if I can help
>smile and agree enthusiastically
>tell her I'd love to spend my hard earned money to help her and her girlfriends ride the cock carousel
>Saturday night comes
>she texts me saying they're at the store and need me to come help pay for everything
>don't reply
>she calls like 10 times
>calls like 5 more times from a different phone
>sends tons of text messages
>turn off my phone and shitpost all night
and another more recent one:
>chad and normie coworkers always hanging out
>literally never invite me
>intentionally avoid telling me any plans even when I ask
>suddenly they all act all buddy buddy with me and invite me on a 3 day weekend trip
>casually mention they need everyone to throw about $300 dollars in
>I smile and say sure
>lead them on and act like I'm entirely unaware
>the day comes
>they all freak out asking where I am
>intentionally take tons of extra hours
>say "sorry guys, I got called into work, can't come anymore"
>>28184915
I love those stories. They make me wish there was asubredditfor robots exploiting those who attempt to exploit them.
>>28184915
straight up /devilish/ anon
next time
>get a check book for an account with only $1 on it
>every time some stacy or chad "need you to throw in some money" thing comes up write them a check
>they'll get billed $50 for the check bouncing as well as not getting any money from you :D
normies will think twice before trying to withdraw from your beta ATM again
>Last friday
>Going to store to retrieve package
>Have to pay 400 Norwegian kroner
>Bring 400kr
>in single units
>in a dirty sock
>Throw the sock to the qt blonde 19y.o cashier
>She has to count them one by one, the sock is smelly
>Snicker as the line of people behind me grows bigger and the cashier more stressed, she's red as a tomato.
>>28185020
anon you forgot to specify if it was a cum sock
>please let it have been a cum sock
>>28185020
Should've started counting from a random number to fuck her up
> shoot giant loads like Peter North
> but with even more force and distance than him. Can shoot 3 or 4 feet straight up
> go to different brothel every couple of weeks
> start with sex but ask them to finish me with a blowjob or handjob
> cum and try to shoot it on the girl
> cum on their body, their hair, their face, and even right into the mouth a couple of times
> doesn't pay extra for cum-on-face
>want to ask the girl out
>don't
#damaged
>>28180290
No i think they're talking about seasoned salt anon.
>be female
>pretend to have no bf
>/r9k/ boys give me their contact information
>lead them on while I have a normie bf who laughs with me
>>28187087
Ooo absolutely devious.
>>28178513
I had this when I worked at a shop years ago, some cunt pretty much threw his money at me and when I dumped his change on the counter he demanded I pick it up and put it in his hand. So I picked it up and threw it out the door into the street then told him he was barred from the shop. Never seen somebody swear so much in my entire life!
>>28179690
>faggot doesn't pay me rent
>forcibly evict him and dump his shit on the street and pay heavies to drag him out and plant him on the kerb
>he starts to cry
>i masturbate to his tears
>>28179864
I left shit all over a public toilet the once and the next fucking normie cunt who went in rushed out and fucking gave me a bollocking and called me a disgusting cunt, fucking cunt made me look like an arsehole, wish I'd stabbed him
>every single girl I've been attracted to and have tried to pursue has had a key attribute that makes them too difficult to obtain for a robot like me
Fucked my shit up good, future me won't know what hit him when he fails
>>28176311
Goddamit Abu Hajaar what is wrong with you?
>>28185020
Lol, I work in a shop and when people try pulling that shit with me I just tell them I won't accept the money and to GTFO. Full backing of the boss as well.
>keep your pennies to yourself peasants.
>nearing bedtime
>down a cup of coffee
>>28184022
>legitimately against gay marriage (only because it's a slippery slope for them to get kids)
>I'm bi
>would never marry a man tho
>>28184804
>back when I was in highschool
>stacey has her period, has period pills but no water to take them
>she is visually in discomfort but doesn't want to tell professor so nobody finds out
>excuse myself to the bathroom and actually buy a sprite I ssneak into class
>give Stacey the sprite
>she is genuinely grateful and tells her friends
>word goes around I have a crush on her and she starts hanging out with me and everyone teases we are a couple
>end up blowing it
>23 year old virgin now
>>28176311
Lol good little goyim fighting the Jews' war
>take the bus late at night
>bus is almost empty, there are only two other people
>sit next to someone anyway
>skinny dip in my ex-gf's pool with my new qt
>buying groceries
>finish checking out
>cashier says "have a nice day"
>i don't
>>28184804
JESUS CHRIST
E
S
U
S
>>28180137
>cabinets
Why can't europoors just speak English
>>28176311
I didn't come into this thread to /feel/
>>28189156
N O R M I E
O
R
M
I
E
LEAVE
E
A
V
E
NOW
O
W
>>28184478
She was probably a fembot roastie
Doing god's work
>>28176324
*Fergie's London Bridge starts playing*
>buying car on Craigslist
>$1000
>decide to haggle
>he offers $500
>raise to $800
>he agrees
>I would have taken it for $500
>>28178152
Actually frogs do have teeth, faggot.
>fill up a bag with 2 pounds of mixed nuts
>12 dollars a pound
>type in the code for mixed nuts and print out the barcode sticker
>paste it on the bag
>take it off the scale and put it back on
>type in the code for sunflower seeds or peanuts or whatever's cheapest
>hold the sticker and scan that instead at the self-checkout
literally an 85% discount
nuts are too expensive
>>28190077
You know which nuts you can get for free?
DEEZ NUTS
GOTEEEEEM
>>28190077
>discount
You stole shit but okay.
>>28190123
Yeah, but it was from Kroger. It's not like I did it at a neighborhood grocery store. I don't feel bad about it in the least.
>>28190158
>steals
>doesn't feel bad about it
Literally worse than a nigger
>>28190194
Nah, that's a bit of a stretch. Who am I supposed to feel bad for?
>>28190378
Exactly, when i was in school kids would always steal cheesebuns.
They'd get like 3 or 4 at the self checkout but they would only type it in as 1
>>28179870
LOCK IT UP
WE GOT A MADMAN IN THE HOUSE
>can't afford train, so go on coach
>have to sit next to some guy
>"hey, are you stopping at X?"
>yeah
>"can you wake me up when we get there?"
>s-sure
>"thanks!"
>hours later, reach X
>nervous about waking the guy up, so I get off and just watch the coach drive away into the distance
Everyone only hates me because i got shit loads of swag and i get shit loads of pussy.
>>28190077
>get 2 pastrys from bakery section
>dude wraps it in plastic, puts price sticker on
>unwrap a little bit of plastic and shove 12 other pastrys there
>pay for it
>cashieer nottices but doesnt give a fuck
>>28176178
>really fat
>get on subway first station
>sit and spread legs like wings
>nobody sits in the entire row
>approaching next stop
>pretend to be asleep
>4 staceys have to share two sits
>i am hogging 3
>>28190568
Same happened to me except it was a qt roastie
Didn't feel like getting charged with rape by nudging her, so I stole her latte and left.
Pretty sure she ended up in Copenhagen lol
>>28184419
This made moi happy
>>28182567
>lifting makes you a chad
>>28191072
I would have groped her if nobody was looking
Literally the prefect crime
>parents take me to some bullshit new age healer
>dumb bitch starts talking politics with me while working her spoopy magic bullshit, telling me how scared she is of Trump
>tfw I am a Trump supporter
>lead her on making her think I am not while talking shit about the other candidates
>as we are leaving, get my MAGA hat out my backpack and put it on
>mfw her face when
>>28176311
Anthony Mazarella?
>>28189277
How else would you cull it you dumbfuck?
