So /r9k/, I finally did it.
Two nights ago, I achieved genuine happiness. Like the kind of happiness only a child knows. There were a couple things I really liked about that night, but the details aren't important because overall, it was relatively normal. For some reason I was just completely full of elation, everything just felt good. It might be the culmination of the past six months I've been spending as a NEET meditating, eating healthy, doing lots of cardio with my dog, masturbating only a couple times a week, getting exceptional amounts of sleep, actually having dreams when I sleep, being able to access a lot more of my memories, have almost no stress in my daily life, etc.
The point is, I've been working on myself and finally feel good with life.
My life situation is objectively better than my days of schooling and wageslavery, where I felt like killing myself every single day. Despite this, I'm still empty inside.
(cont)...
It feels like there's a hole inside of my soul that desperately needs filling. It feels like it's pretty much always been there, at least since an age where I began to form cognizant memories, but it definitely got worse when I started going to school and became absolutely unbearable after I started working full time. It feels like its healing since I've been NEET, but I don't think it's going to go away completely until I figure out what's missing in my life.
Whatever it is, it's not any sort of relationship, possession, location, religion; I'm not even sure if it exists in the material world. I'm absolutely lost as to what it could be. My best guess is that it's some kind of piece of information that this shitty society is trying to suppress to oppress the general population.
I really don't think it's just my life either. Normies always complain about not feeling "fulfilled" and whatnot. They try to fill this void with religion, God, hedonism, money, material possessions, sex, food, anger, depression, vacations, family, friends, drugs, whatever masks the pain. I'm not looking to cover up this feeling, I want to tackle it head on and find a real solution for it. The other night when I felt good, I was really confused as to why I was still feeling this, because everything felt great already. Then there are some nights where it just absolutely consumes me and I feel like complete shit. Whether it feels good or bad, I don't want to shy away from it. I'm not searching for happiness, I want complete unadulterated truth no matter how it makes me feel.
/end blogpost
Yeah I just smoke a cone and get the same feeling.
>>28054568
It feels even better when you do it without drugs. I no longer smoke weed/tobacco, drink alcohol, take any prescription medications, do any hard drugs, and I even severely cut down on my sugar and caffeine intake.
>>28054633
What on earth.
It feels better with just drugs, and it's enhanced on drugs.
I did all that fitness shit and satisfaction shit.
Sure a hot shower after a workout and run is the shit, but doing that after smoking a cone and I am comatose in paradise.
There's a reason it's illegal, we would all just be content beeing ourelves.
>>28054689
>There's a reason it's illegal
Then why is it slowly becoming legal, hmmmm? :^)
Besides, I can comatose myself without weed now. I can just sit or lay for hours at a time with no music/tv/etc while meditating. You're right though, of all the drugs out there, weed has been the most helpful to get me into a good mindset, even better than more intense psychedelics. Such a shame normies are all overabusing it because of all their shitty rap idols doing it.
>>28054779
Mr shekelstein would not be pleased. He needs these people taking out loans to better themselves.
Who is obongo going to listen to? 100,000,000 activists or the guy who holds his leash.
Think back to what life was like for our ancestors. Way back they had to worry about survival every day. They didn't go out to a meat market or buy fruit at a store. They had to hunt or collect fruits and berries. Shelter was a cave for a long time. Then they had houses with weak doors that a lion could probably bust through.
We are the descendants of people whose every day revolved around a checklist of things that had to be done in order to survive. But now we could spend a day, maybe even weeks, without doing much of fuck all, and still be okay. To compensate that need for "doing things" we try to find meaning in shit instead. Whether it's getting your equipment leveled up in Dark Souls 3, watching the next episode of The Flash, making songs, having sex with a qt, whatever, people want that sense of "accomplishment". Because in the past, those who didn't "accomplish", who just sat on their ass, probably got killed by animals or other people.
>>28054550
I feel the same sort of void within me. My best guess at this point is that it represents the validation I never received from my parents. Some people believe this is the essential characteristic of borderline personality disorder, the sense of "you're okay" children are supposed to receive from their parents (but which borderlines don't).
Any chance any of that resonates with you?
>>28054824
It's already "medicinally" legal in a bunch of states, decriminalized in a couple, outright legal in a couple others. Mr Shekelstein is opportunistic, he'd be more than happy to sell a fuckload of weed to dumb stoners once the government gets out of his curly hair.
>>28054836
I thought about that, but it's not even meaning I crave. I don't care if my entire life, the entirety of humanity, Earth, or even the whole universe is absolutely meaningless. Accomplishments are fun and all, but I see them as just another distraction. Really all you're doing is getting high off your own sense of satisfaction and drugs produced in your own body like endorphins and serotonin.
>>28054934
>Any chance any of that resonates with you?
Nope. Both my parents have been there for me my whole life, despite splitting up when I was young. I'm definitely not borderline, I'm not impulsive at all and have a pretty good self-image despite being a robot.
No other robots have experience with this feeling? I know I'm not going to get an answer here, but it'd just be nice to see someone who really understands what I'm talking about. Maybe someone else's experience could give me a clue or some sort of direction to start looking for an answer. I thought maybe someone on /r9k/ would be able to relate since robots don't constantly try to hide their emotions behind "having a good time", blindly following trends, and actually pay attention to how they're feeling deep down. Literally impossible to get normalfags to talk about anything remotely close to this other than pseudo-deep garbage.
>>28055765
You have not explained the feeling. You just said you felt good, which means you have more pleasure chemicals in your body. Maybe you needed a specific vitamin, or just some more sleep? Meditation also helps to relax and good feelings come to the surface, (those are the chemicals already being produced, you are too stressed to feel.)
>>28055765
It is also obvious you have never smoked anything or drank anything or taken any medications, so essentially, you got to relax and feel good. Why is this a thread?
>>28055857
>You have not explained the feeling.
This post [>>28054550] is a continuation of the OP that explains the feeling.
>>28055883
>you have never smoked anything or drank anything or taken any medications
When I was in school, I drank and smoked for fun every once in a while. When I started working, at the bare minimum I needed caffeine daily (coke and adderall got thrown into the mix on a semi-regular basis) to wake me up/keep me going throughout the day and some sort of sedative to put me to sleep at night (weed, sleeping pills, alcohol). I also did various psychedelics almost every weekend to keep the suicide at bay.
>you got to relax and feel good
I do feel good now, but that's not the feeling I'm looking for.
>Why is this a thread?
I'm looking for someone who remotely understands or has at least experienced such a void despite being happy/fulfilled/etc. I'm hoping it will give me some sort of direction to look for what's missing in life.
Despite the lack of activity in this thread, I'm glad I made it. Actually writing down my thoughts helped clear my head a bit and I've come to a possible conclusion.
The void is there because it is limitless. No one will ever be able to fill it to a satisfactory degree, but that also means there are zero possible restrictions upon it. It can be literally anything you set your mind to. It is creativity incarnate, vast and open. It may be a "empty", but it is everything just as much as it's nothing.
I'm not sure how true this is, but at least it's a satisfactory answer to look into at the moment.
