>from my childhood I ended up developing severe mental health issues that have affected my life for much of what I am today
>OCD (obsessivre compulsive disorser) is what ruled my early ages, it controlled my every morning, afternoon, and night, I was so anxious all the time and I just could never get a break
>I would wake up, practive my daily rituals like picking at my face, showering every night-sleep-then shower in the morning-cover my whole body in lotion- make sure the length of my pants, socks, shoe laces were all at the same length. I was the very definition of OCD
>if I cant get my rituals right I would delve deep into Anxiety and chaos flipping out yelling, attacking others, punching myself brusing myself and attacking others
>I would take out my anxiety and pain and practice what I was tought to do onto other fellow classmates and "friends" Basically beating up the majority of kids in school and my friends
>I'd get calls home from school from teachers "Hellow Anon's residence? Yes your kids been fucking up beating the shit out of everyboidy and kicking in everybodys dick can yall keep this lil nigga in check?" Dad: "Oh really? Im gonna whoop that lil niggaz ass."
>get home and hide from dad because of bad grades and fucking up at school
>scared shitless of dad as he pulls me out from my hiding place picks me up by the ears and throws me against the wall rthen bends me over and spanks my fucking ass prurple all while shaming me and verbally abusing me telling me what a worthless fuckup i am
>grow up believing Im a wworrthless pilee of shit and bad bad BAD BAD BAD BAD ABD BAD person I am and how I always do everything wrong,believe I will never get ayting right and Im always a dissapointment in my famils eyes and ill never be good enough
>i always had to hide from my brother to because everytime he came aroiund he would whoop my fucking ass andd torture me, I grew up sensitive, fearful, and scared of being hurt all the time

>complain to mom and dad about Joe kicking my shit in all the time, "Oh anone quit being such a baby hes only playing with you, geez dont be so sensitive." "THIS FUCKER IS FUCKING MY SHIT UP GOD DMNIT PUT A STOP TO IT" "Oh anon its okay and Joe quit being mean to your brother" this continues over and over until I become an adult
>Most of the time at recess I would be "on the wall" a timeout from playing with other kids becvause i would fuck everyone up and beat the shit out of everyone because thats how i was taught to interact with other people an was told that its just playing and its okay
> Life continues with me everyday in trouble at home and school for basically just copying what was being done to me
>fast forward to Junior High ahd actually moving onto the Military Base i was raised on
>befriend neighbors kids his name was Moose actually not his real name but what everybody called him, I love that fucker to this day to be honest and I am more like he was now even though i was an enraged piece of shit when I was growing up with him, we dontr keep in contact anymore, hes basically getting fucked over by roasties and living his life
>Moose was such a cool guy looking back on it now, he played Final fantasy and kingdom hearts as I watched , watched anime, played silent hill and we always played games together like Baldurs Gate dark alliance. I really want to cry right now thinking back on it and I miss those times so much
>"Hey Moose you remmeber when we were kids, man I wish we could go back to that." Moose:" Naw i really like having my own stuff now and kliving on my own."
I cant afford that luxury because I dont have the abilitynto have a stable income and I was shown affection growing up and Im a piece of shit you will contiue to see why as i continue telling the story

> I spent most of my childhood at other kids houses mainly Mosse's and playing games and watcheing him playing games, we would talk to girls and browse th early years on the internet like Albino Blacksheep, NBewgrounds, Runescape and Hentai websites shit was cash as fuck nigga, even a a Social media websitw called Xanga but anyway
> we would go to school dances, play pokemon on our GBA's and hang out with girls even early on at an early age we were prwetty successful with girls too
> when I was actually at home I would spend all my time in my room playing Halo 2 online on my original xbox or phantasy star online and games like that, basically always in my room playing games and keeping things in a certain order otherwise i'd freak out and get into fights with everyone
>fast forward to the ages of 12-13 I started Junior High at a school on the military base and the ,ilitary requires familys and their kids to always move al over the place except me and family because my father neded up reitiring and we moved not far from the military base but right off of it and I attended the same schools up on there
>Most of my friends would leave, some would come back because luckily the military would make them
>Mooses dad retired too and moved off the base not far from me

>at this age in the year 2007, emo stuff was popular and I began getting into Slipknot, Misfits and other punk/emo shit, my brother got me into weed, and alcohol because he ended being pretty popular fucking like 32 different girls in highschool and i was always kinda overshgadowerd by him and never received the same attention as him or my younger siblings because we ended up adopting younger siblings so growing up I never got the time or affection everyone else got because i was the middle child So I ended up being diagnosed with Aspbergers Syndrome, OCD, Anxiety, Depression, and Schizo-affective Disorder early on and Right now I am also diagniosed as PTSD, Body dymsoprphia, Panic Disorder, eating disorders and all types opf shti I cant remember
> my groiup of friebnds and I would run around most the time in the day or night vandalizing property (government and public property), stealing stuff from stores, breaking into houses, smoking cigarettes all the time, smoking weed from time to time and alcohol, beating up people, bullying people, and hanging out with girls, 9Oh i Know....REEEE REEE REEEE NORMIE SCUM.... but im probably worse off now than most you robots so go fuck yourself
>I get hospitalized 5 times in totoal to Psych Wards for mental health issues and frequent therapiusts and psychiatrists. I have been to rehab twice in my life the second time I ditched and left to live in a homeless shelter in a town I dont even know of
>I met my first oneitisqt 3.14 in Junior High in the 7th grade her name was Brittney, brittney was tall skinny with burnette hair liked the same msuic and was kinda emo/scene and is basiclaly the type of a model to this day and always qas very beautiful and because I could get a girl like that early on my stabndards were high and people always thought Id be popular with girls forever but I was born with natural alpha traits being 6'2 even though Im a complete wreck on the inside as brittney soon began to know but loved me anyway

> all my friend and Brittney ended up moving away even though wer maintained a relationship long distance and I loved her and she loved me
.my fascinationa and OCD obsession with negativity and satanism and chaos showed up in our realtionship all the time
>at thjww age of 12-13 we would have phone sex alot and Id tell the fantasies Id have of killing him, torturing her, and raping her over the phone making us both cum over the phone
>I had these sick twisted fantasies because I was just rwally screwed up and listened to crazy music and theings like that
>I was always known as the frazy kid who kicked everyone shit in and was fucking psycho even by my family
>I loved brittney so much and she digged this crazy shit I would tlel her and we kept in touch for a long time even tough i was hurt and broken by her moving around and stuff and my friends leaving
>the first time I was emmited into a Crazy Hospital OPsych Ward was 14 for cutting myself and losing my shit
>I have scars deeply scarred onto my chest (a big pentagram on my chest_ scars on my legs arms and so on from cutting myself
>I got addicted to cutting myself because of the OCd so it wqasnt really for attentuion but sort of
>when I got out of the Psych Ward my epression just kept on getting worse and my life kept on getting worse
>Dad" SON U ALWAYS BEEN FUCKED UP SINCE U WAS 13 WHEN U FIRST STARTED CUTTING URSELF AND WE DIDNT KNOW WHUT TO DO WITH U U FUCKING FAGGUIT'
Me"FUCK U BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
">by 16 years old I got oput into foster care for constantly running away from home because I was always scared of being hit and angry all the time at home it justg wasnt a real home until I would get lost in online games like FFXI and when i could have my cigarettes and caffeine because this was my first addictions to substances besides the OCD that ruled my life

>the court ruled me to entert foster care by law because of the running away and stuff but not because living conditons at home were particularly bad or anything they ended up moving me to Kansas city nigger central 'OH JUST FML UP SENPAI"
>so im in foster care with this Nigress (no husband mind you....) we have a total of 9 people all living in this duplex and this bitch just ook in foster children for the money, "OH JUST FML UP SENPAI"
>so here I am the only white kid living with all black people and me and these foster kids go ariund breaking into houses and stealing laptops and all kinda shit kyckily never caught
'HEY RAP WHITE BOI" (niggers think Im eminem or something) "I...I.. cant rap..." "OH COME ON WHITE BOI U OUT IN HERE IN DA HOOD WITH THESE BLACK FOLK" (OH JUST FML UP SENPAI"
>turn 17 and by 17 the court allows me to move back home with my biological familuy and I end up on drugs and things like xanax, pain pills, weed, alcohol, and all that shit
>Have no personality, no sense of self, my depression and anxiety is way worse off then it has ever been and Im a complete wreck oh and id I mention that at this point for as long as I could ever remember I always fnatasized about killing my fucking seklf

>My teenage years even before 17 were spent oidnugling in xanax, these other presciption pills and things y friend Shane got
> Shane was a friend I befriended around age 15 when I was sent to a middle school off of the miltary base Because I was kicked out of the Junior High on the miltary Base fopr bashing a kids head into the lockers in the locker room gashing open his head making him run to the nurses bleeding and crying and eventually being sent to a mentalk hospital himself because he was contemplating suicide after the incidient

> mind you I am jumping around back and forth a few years back and forth because I am also basically Dyslexic and ADHD and cant tell stories worth shit ok? sop if u dont like go get cuked by your Roastie whores niggers fuck u
anyway I guess ill jump back into around when I was 16-17 and going back and forth from the fostaer care home
>So addiction to drugs was a huge part of my life at this pojnt and was my whole identity
> I couldnt identify as anything other than being a drug addict and I nenver did anything that i used to love like playing video games and things unlkess I was under the influence of drugs otherwise Id just be depressed and cutting myself and whatever
>every weekend and weekday that I could actually afford to get pills was with my friend Shane at his house similiar to being over at other peoples houses spendiong my time rather than being at home
>presentlky Shane is actaully no longert alive and died in the winter of 2013 froma pain pill drug overdose rom overdosing on fentanyl patches and other opium based drugs
>me and shane would watch funny youtube videos and hang out with our other friewnd Jeremy who was also worth mentioningeven though there isnt much to mention other than we mainly spent time at his from the ages of 15-17 smoking weed
>thousands and thousands of dollars my hard earned money from my dad lawnb mowing business was spent on weed and pills and such
>but me and SHane didnt do anything like watch Anime but we would play games from to time but at this point in my life I was a huge addict and a degenrate
>I ended up meeting Mericia my next onitis qt3.14 in high School before ever been sent away to foster school she was a good mormon good but I enbded up taking her virginity and pounded that pussy degrading that bitches face over and over again back in High school it was pretty sweet to be honest

>also jumping back to the age of 13-14 I also vndalized Brittneys face getting my dick sucked for first time by this bitch that shit was cash lil niggaz )REEE REEEREEEE) "I know I Know...senpais.. just calm down"
>Anyway I ended up being emmitted into another Pych ward or whatever again in high school for the same shit cutting myself and stuff I dont even know what recall at this point. remember this happened a totoal of 5 times
>When I ghot back from foster care though I developed an eating disorder starving myself
>The starving was because I basically had no sense of self no personality no self-idenitity and never got any help at from doctors and therapy always being moved around from therapist to therapist opsychiatrist to psychiatrist
>I starved myself on average for 3-5 days no food and lots of water, it wasnt completelty because I wnated to be skinny but because I liked to hurt myself at this point and the thinner I got showed some sort of progress in my fucked up mind
>I frequented Pro-Anorexia websites looking at pictures of Skinny women and men. looking bck it seems really weird because Im not really all that feminine I dont think but I think I am more feminine than I lead myself onto believe But Im not such a faggiot even though Ive had a handful of faggotry sexual experiences but never fucked a guy or anythjing like that
>i never really rtold anbyone about these eating disorders and the addiction to starving myself except my girlfriends which was a mistake becvause they ended up telling my friends NEVER TRUST A FUCKING ROASTIE
shit this shit is getting hard to type but I wabnt yakll to know
>to this day I have the oice of a child-self in my head, i guess its because I never grew up and never developed properly and my brain is all broken into parts due to mental illness and addiction

>I talk to myself all the time often in repeated phrases mainly unaware Im repateing the same things to myself because the anixiety and deepy sharp pain is so vonstantI cant keep track of my toughts opr anything
>the childlike voice in my hhal;f the time plays out into my real voice in social situations making me look like a complete retard its also burdened with a mix of nigger-lingo and obstructed way of talking like a nigger because of my ghetto background
abnyway so you see how ugly I am and how all this is playing out, where was I??? i dont even know lemme find out hold on.................................................................................................*sips some more fireball whiskey, takes anothwer caffeine pill, drinks more monster, smokes vape..................
>My body begins to eat itself, eating all the muslce from starvation, I lose like all my muscle mass
>I begin to frequently urinate more and more and cant control my bladder
>By the time I get out of High school anbd being forced to endure it by my military father even though I developed bad back problems hunching over from lack of self confidence walking around like an old man
>I start to get addicted to methampehetanimine "befriending" shady sletchy black people alike who were meth and crack afdicts, I never tried crack FYI
>I get addicted to MDMA, anbd Meth, even though I was lready addicted to benzo's (xanax) and pain pills and shiiieett
>I end up homeless being kicked from the families place of residence because of my chaos and drug addictions I enbd up smoking meth and spending my nights popping ectasy and hanging with criminals and sketchy people

>I befriended this particular person Marcus he was gay a black man in his 30's but wer really cliked and hit off even thouigh you can do that wioth anyone when your addicted to meth and fucking high as fuck off your meth
>it didntreally bother me he was gay I didnt care about rhat sort of ahything I hated being superficial
>at this point I really start to copme to a relaization of street-life and whats going on around all the time through I was previously unaware to the night-life and chaos going on in the sreets in my own neighborhood shits fucking xrazy
>Along with smoking meth I continued starving myself as before and in all going a complete 8ndays weithout eating any food or water and only ingesting meth and pills from smkoming, popping, and evetually shooting meth along with heroin
>this is the only time Ive ever trully felt hap[py and in bliss with peace and harmony in accordnce with earth and all its life forms
>Life I said before my body started breaking down eating its own muscle mass and Im a complete skeletipn caved in cheeks abnd everything
>my bladder musckles or something along those lines (i never got an answer from the doctors) starts to happen and I begin pissing myself with constant sribbling and urination throughought the day styaining my clothes and embarrasing me

>other druggies having been degenratyes doing drugs for deacades but here I am at 22 or whatever [issing myself and shit, i dont know if it was fgrom the drugs or the eating disorder hut I contribute it to that I guress i should suppose so
I guess I skipped the other times Ive been emmitted into Psych wardsthe other times from getting high and cutting myself and stuff but whatever I guess there isnt much to say
>frequent doctord and hos[itals for an answer to my pissing but enver get a gopod answer or care
>I get sent to my first round of rehab at ba facikity for addiction to ectasy when I had only dpone meth a few times (I know im jumping around but what do you expect)
>the second time im sent to rehab was for meth and I had already done it hunderdths of time BVut I had only shit it up in my veins with needles a few times, it was the same rehabd as the first time and htese motherfuckers were tired of me by now just like everyone else in my life
>I end up quitting the rehab early and getting drop off by the staff at this town I have never been to before. not kmnowing anyone or my surroundings or anythingthing
>forced to stay in a homeless shelter, so here I am a a homeless sheltert at like age 19, having been addicted Meth, Ectasy, all kinds of pills, alcohol, all my close friends and people I ever knew left me from the military forcing it to down to me just burning birdges and dying inside from not being able to connect to people and engaging in anti-social behaviors and being embarrased by pissing myself in front of my peers and other derug addicts. just a total complete social outcast
>im roaming around this town trying to steal shit and stuff with my mid anbd body just competely fucked from meth
>I end up going back home from trying to join the miliatry froma ,ocal rectuiter altough ultimately being denided entry for having deep scars on my arms and chest from self injury
.recruiter drops me off at home becvause parents accepted me back once again

>i end up running the streets running around breaking into houses stealing jewelrty and stuff to support my drug addiction. I was addicted to shooting up meth on average of 3-4 times a day
>by thisd time Im so far gone and am, engaging in criminal activity and even ended uip robbing people
>I get robbed numerous times on the stgreet hy other meth addicts and ealers but kinda being protected as well from tiem to time by Marcus the gay black ddude in his 30's I enver eally could keep up for m,yself cuz I just was so fcukled up
>on average id go 5-10 days without sleep or muchn food just doing meth and other drugs iuncliuding heroin
>the jights would go like me walking the streets all night an day with no hutriition, under the dark sky, with little to no m,oney and a back pack full of needles and some drugs if I hadnt shot it up in my veins
>I would jump into houses when people were gone and pawning the valuables Id also rob people "at gunpint" even though Id never eally have a gun on me and would use my my hand through my jacket guns to potray a gun
>not a badass and not proud of who Ive become
I cant detail much of what Ive done because Whose to know whose monitoring my internet axctyivity and I dont wanna get blacked by tyrone in prison for 35 years
FYI right now ive been clean for over year (even thoug ive done this many times before) Ive had numerous jobs I cant keeop due to my schizo personality traits, paranoia, pissing myself, and stuff like it

>Shane ends up dying from a opium overdose and I attend his funeral
>they play "Simple Man" by KLynartd Skynard at his funeral shit kills me inside because I liked the Deftones Cover of Lynard Skynard's Simple Man
>never thiought one of my friends or someone that close to me would end up dying at all ever
>now im scared to make friends or angage with anyonme socially like always but x100 because im scared of being used, them dying, osomething embarrasing happening, or whatever IDK i think you should get the pitfture by now
You should know ive left so much weird, whimsical things that have happened to me all throughought my life that I sup[pose maybe I will detail in later posts but whatever IDK bevcause re-tryping this I am hurting inside and IDk what i am even saying anymore and I want to die vben though Im dead inside
>for the past few years ive been all alone undable to keep a job for the things Ive listed above, a mix of those things
>I end up getting into anime all over again comapred to the little bit I was into when I was kid watching shows like, .HACK SSIGN, FMA, and other anime shows
>I begin to watch allotta anime, play more online games, try to keep job and save money all while this stuff is the things keeping me from doing drugd and killing myself
>get into visual novels, playing online games again start uysing 4chan and stuff along with online enterttianment
>doing everything in my power to not use drugs again, refrain from self-destructive bahvior involving eating disorders urges
>begin to excersize try out numerous diets, natural diets and such, taking all kinds of supplemements, drinking noyl purified water and become a health freak
>be healthiest nigga (im white if u didnt know) walking around
>move from job to job
>And like I said from the beginning I have ended up all alone, practicing diets, indulging in healthy and un-healthy diets, committing to anti-social behavior

>I havent had any friends in like 4 years, I live at my parents house all lone in my room when I reutnr from work and things
>I quit my job today just walked out all over again like evrytime before, becvause Im scared someone will notice the piss that has accumulated on my leg without my ontrol
>I drink from tiem to time and indulge in unhealthy beverages and some alcohopl sometimes and vape all whike practing healthy practices sopmetimes
>anbyways so here I am ended up being a weaboo, lonely, feeling like a virgin again faggot
Ive left out so much stuff and details but hey what can you do?
i dont even know what to say at this ;oint aftwr recalling all this stuff its hard to veen think str8 but I suppose I tried to type this out for ur guys pleasure because I occassionally enjoy greentexts and stuff anyways
sincereley wifilord987

Oh my god, anon.

I'm sorry my dude.

>>28034701
Thanks bro
Original roblox

>>28034701
You actually read all that sperg babble?

Shameless self bump i just wantbsome of u to read this and maybe screen cap it for future people to read or post it on redditt or whatever guys

>>28034940
Op here. Well shit im sorry dude how should i have typed it out? Fucking nigger

>leddit

stop

>>28034701
At least only if one person could read these key points in my life i suppose its hood to have one person to know

>>28035093
Sorry redditt i think u typed in the wrong url this is 4chan not redditt faghit

>>28034397
Were you the sperg that wanted to give us an audio but kept stutering??

>>28035117
No faggot, im saying that you should stop with requesting leddit screencaps. Fuck that cancerous site.

>>28035129
Yes thats me
Original pls senpai

Why didnt you take up a trip for this thread anyways? They are made for that purpose you know.

>>28035134
Oh well whatever i just want ppl to know i guess.

And o suppose i should added the more interesting whimsical points to like

How i believe ive been possessed the majority of my familt and the times ive stayed up tweaked out seeing people shape shift and reptilians and inter dimensional beings fucking with me and how to this day i see shadows and entities starin at me from the dark and from my closet n shiieet

>>28035169
What does take up a trip mean?

....what the fuck
include me on the leddit screencap pls

I spent minutes of my life reading this, fucking MINUTES.

>>28035211
Kek pls redditt

>>28035148
Ill read after finishing my job, glad you came back to share roboto

>>28035259
I'm to lazy to read your story. SO I archived it for later. Cheers faggot.
http://archive.is/7Hs4Y

>>28035249
Thx bruh
>>28035292
Cool thx i feel i shouldve added the seemingly irrational crazy talking points but i suppose i will detail thise experiences in another post under the name wifilord987

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Christ you remind me of that anon whos sister pushed him to hang himself and his family didn't even care.

>>28035312
/r9k/ has an archive.. desu storage.

>>28035208
Use a tripcode

oregano

>>28035550
Why? What does that do? Pls reply. And how do i do it

>>28035636
Its kind of like a username. The purpose is for threads like these where someone can impersonate the OP. It distinguishes you from other posters by a unique code that will only show if you enter the password you used while making the tripcode.

Here is how to do it, but you should have done it as the OP. https://www.4chan.org/faq#sectrip

>>28035379
Is there somehow i can read that story?

>>28035710
ill try to find it

Holy shit shut the fuck up dude. I got halfway through and had to stop. You write like a fucking 12 year old and spell like a 6 year old. Get it together. Fuck.

>>28035880
no one gave him permission to just tell his whole life story, which reads like a phonebook tbqh

>>28035880
I talk that way too
Thanks for reading my senpai
If u avtually read it youd see i basically am still a kid with my child like voice still in my head

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>>28035936
i'm sorry your dad would hit you

>>28035880
Im also ocd and a sperg so deal with it

>>28035999
Will u love me instead ?

>>28036028
This is the gayest shit I ever read. You're clearly a giant faggot. I bet you wear black lipstick and eyeliner. I'm glad your brother wrestled with you naked and I honestly hope you get your ass beat. I bet whatever girlfriend you ever managed to have was ugly as shit too btw.

>>28036299
Im not even OP but you're a faggot fampai, fucking nigger

>>28036299
Kek virgin mad