>tfw nobody will pay attention to your feels unless you format them in this incredibly minimalistic and trite manner
What's the fucking point in anything r9k? Nobody here will ever care about anything but memes, the only threads that I've made that have ever gotten any attention were literal bait threads. I can't say I blame you though, it's all too easy to ignore the plight of text on a screen, too easy to forget that there's a person who wrote what you're reading, maybe not a person like you, but by not filling out a captcha and leaving a simple "iktf", you're destroying that person on the inside. You're talking a toll on that person's self esteem, slowly degrading their self worth and making them feel as if they don't deserve to be their own person, that they don't deserve to be an individual with a unique opinion.
No. That's not what we, we the people are meant to be, what wet deserve. We're meant to be cogs in the machine. We're meant to be nails, waiting to be hammered down. Cookies meant to crumble. Cliches to be repeated until the day we die, so why wait? What fucking reason is there to put off dying?
It's not rhetorical robots, I want to understand how I can want to die so badly but still be so afraid of going through with it, afraid of being forgotten despite knowing it's inevitable, what keeps r9k going?
society only sees men as disposable utility, that's why you have to opt out and ignore society.
>>27671118
So you're telling me there is no purpose? That my existentialist concerns are meaningless and I should hang myself right now? Just say it anon, tell me I'm right so I can take peace in that before I die and I'll be gone, with nary a suicide note or video stream to signify my passing.
>>27671088
>the only threads that I've made that have ever gotten any attention were literal bait threads.
I think your problem might be your writing style. Be more straightforward. It was hard to tell what the point of your post was in the first 5 sentences, which isn't a good way to encourage responses. You can still have all the flowery feels stuff, but put the main point in the first paragraph, yeah?
I guess your main point is "why shouldn't I kill myself." There's no real meaning to life, and it's pretty shitty for the most part, but you might be able to eke out some enjoyment still. Killing yourself will guarantee zero future enjoyment.
You fear killing yourself because you're an animal and that's what your instincts insist upon.
It's the nature of it, hard to relate to people on a personal level when you're behind anonymity behind a screen. I think I see you. Desperately looking for something, and I hate to see your efforts be in vain. I wish I had the magic words. We're all lost to an extent, can't help but envy the people who seem to have found solace in religion, family, self actualization, their careers, anything. Never seen empathy quite like this.
The main thing that keeps me going is laughter. I feel you. Please believe me when I say I know what it's like to long for death, and it's been my stern realization time and time again that you have to make your own meaning.
Sorry it took me so long to collect my thoughts. Please don't. It's the best I've got.
>>27671088
cannopostwithoutacomment
I didn't read your thread, but I'm posting in it anyway
I don't really have much of an argument for why you shouldn't kill yourself, as considering how many people kill themselves, or are brutally murdered, or die in painful ways, and considering that all of us are going to die eventually - I don't feel like I'm being particularly callous by saying that it won't affect me much.
I think what you're really debating is your relationship with God and the universe - all of us want to believe that things are worthwhile, that there is some goodness to be found - but most of our experiences seem to contradict this, the more we grow up and face the world - the more empty and evil it can seem.
I don't think you should give up hope. I think the odds are you can at least find some sort of meaning and happiness, and that your thoughts to the contrary are probably just driven by your depressive state. Is it impossible for you to live a very small life, to train yourself to be happy with very little? Is it possible you could become a vegan and possibly save an animal or an unwanted human - and pour your love into them?
Either way - there'll be a resurrection of the dead where God himself will console you and restore you to faith.
>>27671088
Dud dont fucking get upset of (Yous)!
You a re Human you have the LOVE of Humanity in you heart, dont despair explore existence and dont be a pussy. is no like you can avoid death so just rock the boat while you can. I Honestly LOVE you anon , and i hope the best for you and your family
>>27671257
When I'm looking to make a thread and get as many replies as possible I'll usually tone down the melodrama and make it as palatable and simple as possible but I feel like I rob myself of thoughtful replies like yours when I do.
As far as guaranteeing yourself no future enjoyment you could just as easily rationalize committing suicide by guaranteeing yourself no further suffering.
>>27671332
My dream is to meet somebody from here one day who lives close enough to actually meet in person and have a genuine friendship with, where there'd be no societal expectations to uphold or reasons to be disingenuous. I wish you could be that person anon, I feel like we could do each other good.tfw unashamedly grasping at straws at this point
>>27671395
>possibly save an animal or an unwanted human
I fantasize about this a lot actually. I feel like if I could make somebody else less miserable then I would be happier myself. I've always wanted to produce some sort of art, literature, cinema, a video game even. Something emotionally compelling and moving that would offer more comfort and enjoyment to the world than I ever could on my own, something that would transcend my being and allow me to leave this world on a grand gesture.
>>27671427
Thank you anon, I'd say I appreciate it more than you realize but I think you're perfectly capable of understanding how much your sentiments mean to me.
>>27671520
>I fantasize about this a lot actually. I feel like if I could make somebody else less miserable then I would be happier myself...
Ok, well why don't you try and get yourself in order. Focus on that. You're a human being, you have a right to live and be happy. Do whatever you can to sort out your depression. Spend some time reading on diet and nutrition and finding some healthy recipes. Quit destructive habits like porn, sugar, fatty foods. Start walking daily to get some oxygen to your brain and body, which will make you feel better. Don't stress yourself out about status and achievements - just focus on building up your emotional state so that you can eventually be functional enough to adopt an unwanted, rejected animal\child.
An animal doesn't require much to be loved, if you get a dog or somethig you MUST walk it daily, feed it well, play with it, etc. So you have to be functional enough to do those things. Make this is as your first major life goal. Now you don't have to feel 'selfish' for getting yourself into shape. If you get this far, you can start to love something, you might then be able to start writing regularly or working towards that higher goal of creating something, and if you fail - well at least you made this pet's life better.
>>27671601
I don't know anon, I already eat pretty healthy and have to walk several miles to and from school. Too depressed to fap/watch porn anymore. My mom already has several pets that I care for every day, including a dog and cat that I actually really like. But she has so many that it makes me feel inadequate because I don't have the motivation to not neglect them emotionally.
I don't want to go on any more anon. The more I see the more I'm convinced that I'll never be truly happy and that death is my only chance at escape.
I guess I just want to die in a romantic way or have my death viewed in a romantic light, but lack the artistic ability to orchestrate such a thing.
>>27671088
Knowing that right now I'm living a lie
I mean, what's happening is really happening, but at the same time I know I am blatantly deceiving myself about many things
And being deceived by others as well
Seriously, so much of who I am and what I do right now is just a function of my environment. I know if I change the environment, 90% of these retarded, cluttering adware-like thoughts will go away and I can rebuild what I carelessly allowed to be destroyed by a lot of things (not just this board).
What you feel only describes what you feel where and when you feel it. It does not describe totality, and, if you try to, you might find yourself experiencing a fraction of totality that feels completely different from this one sometime in the future. Your past thoughts might become so alien and foreign, because the truth is only the truth within the context where it is the truth. Like bleeding into a different world.
That's what I am all too passively waiting for.
>and making them feel as if they don't deserve to be their own person, that they don't deserve to be an individual with a unique opinion.
It's genuinely destructive. I don't understand where this is coming from. I understand the cascading domino effect but who actually began it all? Seems weird as shit.
>>27671438
Don't worry I grasp at straws a lot. Way more than I'd like to admit t b h. I'd like to, even though the prospect scares me. I'm callous as all hell, a hardened loner. Prepare for disappointment:^)
Lesson 1: I'm bad at hiding true intent, that's why I like forthrightness so much. Embrace the forthrightness. I was born into it, molded by it. But I'd be mighty surprised if you didn't already know this. I don't understand why you like me but I'm glad you do, I like you too.shaking a little bit
>>27671088
What an edgy original faggot
>>27671748
S-southern California?
>>27671730
Basically, I think there might be a way out that's better than dying, however temporary it may be.
Just haven't experienced it yet.
I don't think it's one of those prescribed life path sort of things. It's something I have to find on my own.
The machine isn't everything.
>>27671730
What you're saying makes a lot of sense to me actually. I changed nearly everything in my life recently and lost touch with so much of what I used to consider myself that it's difficult for me to feel empathy for the stranger in the mirror anymore. One thing that's persisted throughout my life has been my pursuit of individuality, and that's what ultimately is the cause of my suffering, because I realize that it's unachievable, hence the comments you greentexted.
>>27671762
>>27671748
OP here, I h-have to sleep anon. You can add me on kik at Toastmygotes or email me at [email protected] if kik doesn't work for you so we can find some other way to keep in touch.
>>27671088
Oh and also I think the reason why you're afraid is because you've never experienced anything like it
I'm not recommending it but you can simulate death-like experiences using certain drugs and such. That should help. We're afraid of things we don't understand but once we familiarize ourselves with even a facsimile, it becomes easier to handle the real thing
I can confidently say I'm maybe 10% as afraid of death as I used to be, though how I die is still of great importance to me (wanna finish on a good note!)
>>27672048
As for the forgetting thing, well, maybe you take yourself too seriously. I feel like I can only remember the past two years of my life at any given time, and anything else I pretend to remember is just lines I've repeated to myself over and over again so that they stick but not the images and feelings behind them.
Shit, I already am forgotten. It's constantly happening, we are always forgetting. Death doesn't suddenly create this phenomenon imo.
