feels story.
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
hey, r9k
i want to write a story for you. i'm in actual tears writing this.im sitting in my bed crying. here's my story.
When i was 11, my older dog died. i was abit sad, but not much, as she was an old jack russell i only cared for because i grew up with her- not much emotional attachment. my parents decided to get a new dog, or 2, more specifically. we went to a friend of mums who lived near the big city, and we spent hours, deciding which puppy we would spend our lives with. we got two- one for me, and one for my brother. i picked a dark brown girl, who i picked because she "slept well", i said at the time. my brother, who was 4 years younger, picked a ginger- orange boy. there names were rosy (mine) and red, which was shortly changed to barney. we let the dogs explore our large house for a few days before we started playing with them. i loved both of them so much. i stopped playing xbox for a week to play with them.
the next remarkable event happened when i was 13. my parents, out of the fucking blue, split up. it wasnt a violent divorce, thank god, but i left me destroyed and broken inside. my dad was 48 or 49 by that time, and mum was 43, maybe. dad moved to a cosy bungalow in a nearby town, and mum kept the dogs. i started getting really fucking close with dad, as by the time i turned 14, he was 50. we celebrated the party with a few of his friends, who had helped him get his stuff in. my dad had moved from kent to where i live, about a 3-4 hour drive, so he knew nobody when he arrived. he apparently came for the university in the city i mentioned, so anyone he knew well for from university. there was him and 2-3 others, sharing beers in his cramped kitchen. i could tell how hollow and sad he was. if i walked in on him doing anything, he looked... i dont know what too say besides really, really sad. he kept almost all of his financial issues away from us, as we were kids. he acted really happy all the time, and laughed at anything.
we became really fucking close over a few months. he tried to get me into coding and other stuff, but i didnt take loads of interest. one thing we did do together, every night at his was watch movies, we spent countless nights laughing, crying and enjoying movies. he opened up to me, not as a dad but as a friend. i loved my dad so much, and i still do. we would sit for hours at night, discussing what he did in hi life and what i wanted to do.
sorry, i'm bursting into tears every other line. bear with me.
we spent so long together. he was honestly my best friend, sure, i had some friends at school, but my dad was s great. he was always there. always.
my mum, who i spent more time, with, not through choice, had grew up here, and knew alot of people. i loved her as my mum, she was great and supportive aswell. but, she had a few boyfriends and she seemed distant. i loved it at mums, not because i could play xbox, becuase it was relaxing and i could see my dogs. i loed them. me and the dogs spent so many nights curled up on the sofa, enjoying nothing but each others presence. they meant the world to me.
As a teenager, i was "that edgy kid"- which is why i had so few friends. i was really good at math, logic, chess, all that shit, like dad. i was also quite deep and philosophical. for a fourteen year old anyway. i spent alot of time thinking, just about stuff. i often thought of why did mum and dad break up? what happened? was it me?
one night, i was pondering this. i had been looking at the events before the break up. we had been on many fantastic holidays, to america, spain, france. there had been so many amazing events, it didnt make sense.
then it hit me.
all of these events, these wonderful, amazing adventures, new turns, they pointed to one thing.
these exotic events were attempts to re-kindle the flame of love between them. i thought it was just the holidays, but the farther back i went, the more things popped up.
it got to the point where i realised that my birth was one of these attempts. i felt numb. the dogs. holidays. moving to this big house. i felt horrible, and disgusted at myself.
I sunk pretty deep into depression, or at least sadness. not gradually, more like in massive landslides. one night, i had a sleepover with 2 of my friends. we were playing magic the gathering, and i kept losing. i was so tired, and i came to an odd conclusion. nothing in life mattered. every action we take is set up in space and time, free will is non existent. i knew that even me coming to this realization was already planned. i became, sad, but hid it.
thanks for sharing, anon.
I'm lurking if there's more you'd like to say.
fast forward to now. im 22, i have a job but i still live with my parents, alternating. my dogs are aging- theyre 11 or 12 now. i still love my dogs, more than ever. i started spending so much time with them, and i still do. my dad and i are still super close, and mum and i are on better terms. but whats has had me cryig isnt that.
i had accepted long ago that my dogs would one day die. obviously. but what has been killing me is this.
one of them will die first. this will leave one of them, alone. the thought of barney or rosy nevr being able to see the other, ever again, truly terrifies me. having one of my two dogs would fucing kill me. being reminded of the happiest times in my life, with both of them, together. happily, contently. i see them now, lying beside my bed, alseep. it kills me to think one of the two brother and sister will one day be alone, and then themselves pass.i love them beyond words. they are beautiful creatures. i dont even see them as pets anymore. they are people, with personalities and family. i love so much. i love them. life is nothing but loss.
sorry for taking forever. i burst out into tears so much. i love them so much.
keep going we're reading
>>27450556
That's rough, mate.
I remember when my dog was getting on in years.
I used to just quietly lie with him, trying to get one final goodbye.
>tfw your cats hated each other
>tfw one of them died
>tfw it was the one you thought would die
>tfw you still have your favorite
>tfw no one (including me) seems to care that cat is dead
>tfw dad was a dick
>tfw me and mom try to understand each other but can't, I'm too resentful and she's too worried
I don't know any of your feels. My heart is cold and shriveled. At least I still have my cat.
i'll talk some more about dad.
my dad was a quiet man. he was understanding of my problems, and talked to me and left me alone when necsercary. when i was 14, i was quite considerate. i kept my edgy jokes to myself, and apologied way to much about everything. my dads at that time was 50, so he was getting quite old. he often asked me to perform simple chores, which i didnt mind doing, as i loved my old man. it was only small things, but it meant alot. he'd share stories of what he did before he met mum, after he met mum, etc. it was deep and emotional. i quickly realised that dad had given up his whole life to support me, my brother, and mum. he often worked late (he was a self- employed electrician) to support us, and he would bring to his work in the summer to lear about his trade, in return for 20 pounds, which i really didnt need. being with him was enough. he went out of his way to make sure everything was right for me- school stuff, homework, everything. i loved him, and he knew it.
thanks will try to think of more.
>>27450820
Listen, man. We're always here for you.
one of the other philosophical things i discovered was that mum and dad gave up their lives for me. they wanted me to be great. problem was, i was concieved when they were in their 30's-another effort to re-kindle the flame. i saw pictures of mum before she had me... happy, joyous, and full of life. dad was handsome. i'll let you work out the rest. your mum and dad put your life before their own to raaise you. you think they had hopes and dreams? not any more.
>>27450663
i cant say how sorry i am. that's horrible.
thanks for reading. been needing to write this for a while. thank you, anons.
at least you're aware of all of this and still have time to spend with them. most people don't achieve this kind of wisdom until after they lose what they love.
>>27451051
No worries m8.
Its good you got it out of your system
>>27450938
That's what it is to be a good parent.
It sounds like you really got a good pair, anon.
They're probably just happy to have you around.
Don't worry about living up to your idea of what they want you to be.
If they're decent people they're pleased if you're doing okay, and relatively happy.
>i cant say how sorry i am. that's horrible.
Don't feel bad.
That's why I said so many, "goodbyes."
I knew what was coming.
>>27451051
Hey op. I think it's pretty common for parents to sacrifice for their children. It's kind of my goal in life to do that. To get married and have children. To pass the torch down to them one day. I can only hope that I will continue to have a good relationship with my wife when I'm old. But I can understand why that might not work out, and how divorce can be just as hurtful as a forced relationship that just isn't working. Sometimes things just don't work out and that's life. It's nice that you have a good relationship with your dad. I wish I could say the same... But in my case it's mostly just the distance separating us. I'm sure he's proud of you. You should let him know that you love him and that you appreciate the sacrifices he made raising you. Just like your dogs, he won't be around forever. Try to cherish your time with him.
>>27450556
>>27450663
I can relate. My dogs are everything, it hurts to know they will be gone sooner or later and i still have decades of suffering ahead. I have been thinking about killing myself just so i don't have to see them or my grandparents die.
