I suppose many of you come to the bot to complain about your lives, if you can call them that. I give you this thread. Give it your grievances and I will read them without advice or judgement. Let me be the ear you tell your stories to, I honestly want to know them.
I wish in my life people would just let me sit down and talk without trying to fix my life. I know you must feel the same way.
I am graduating college with no prospects
I guess I will be moving back home
Here comes the life-crippling depression
>>27428362
I actually don't want to tell my story at the moment, because shit is kinda fucked to the point where I'm almost never thinking about and just blocking it out like I've never done before so...
Let's hear yours, friendo
>>27428487
I hope you don't mind, but my story is of the opposite persuasion; I'm gay. I used to be a prostitute when I was younger, and it really messed me up. (Im almost 19, but I sold myself to older men when I was 13-15)
So I have a boyfriend, really nice guy, but a bit of a layabout. His used-to-be best friend and I hooked up a few times, and now I'm hung up on him while I'm still with my boyfriend. The friend is a bisexual and has a girlfriend and it was over for us, but he came around a few days ago, saying he had blue balls and how he grew an inch (he's 9", from what I remember) but reminded me I cant have any. He fucked with my head because I'm honestly in love with him. When I first met him, I instantly wanted to date him, but couldn't. Before he left that night, we were talking about my boyfriend and said that I deserve better, then looked at me and said, "I'm better." I have no idea what to do. I suppose nothing, he has a girlfriend who doesn't give any. I fear dating him because he's so solitary and I fear being alone. He disappears for days, weeks, and I cab"t stand it as it is when he does that. I am an active boyfriend, I want to at least get a smiley face or a heart or something once a day, just something to show you're there, and I don't think he could. I'm a basketcase. I'm afraid that if we date, he would hate being with me because I would complain and leave me for a girl.
And just today he told me I'm a creep because I messaged him on snapchat.
>>27428948
nah I don't disrespect gays, I tried it myself and... man that's a long story. Either way...I don't know if this is an insult to you and I don't really mean it to be one but you really write like a girl.
Like as if your inner voice or whatever was a female one.
I can't really feel to this story so much because it's one of internal feels and something completely different than just situations like "being homeless" or "my dog died", but it sounds like it's exciting at least lol
Where you from bro?
>>27428362
Here's mine, I would like to add that I recently found out I have a brother who is 18 years older than me
>>27429093
Tallahassee, North Florida, and yeah, I get that a lot. At least it sounds exciting for someone!
I have lost all desire to do anything within the past few days and I feel like I am losing my mind. All I want to do is sit in my chair and stare at the wall but even that is mind numbingly boring.
Just a couple of days ago I was completely satisfied with my life. This shit happens way too often and im so sick of it.
>>27429185
Wow, thats great bro! Good job!
>>27429412
I'm sorry, Anon. I've went through similar, and I'm sorry you have to go through that.
>>27429487
Thanks but I mean it hurts watching everyone around me get what they want, I'm failing to get in the army, still no gf
also
>tfw missed out on all social aspects of youth
seems like NEEThood is all there is for me
>>27429528
I don't even care anymore. It doesn't matter.
>>27429624
Ah, I see. I hope everything turns up for the better for you. I'm sorry about you having no gf though. Things like that really hit me...
>>27429624
How are you failing in joining the army?
I am genetically decent and my results were that I was/am an outlier in terms of intelligence and that I could have been a big boy general special forces guy in the army if I hadn't told them that I attempted suicide and shit.
They even made me talk to a Psychologist and she told me if I like I can still enter the army as a bigboy and I said fuck no I don't have the emotional strength to hold out in war.
>>27429802
just noticed my hole post is a humblebrag
fug
>>27428362
>be born
>a bunch of shit happens
>it's pretty stupid and mostly hurtful
>not allowed to kill self
>>27429776
>>27429802
Thank you for your condolences
Idk where you are but the ADF is really strict medically, I broke my arm when I was 9 and they won't look at it or accept me for now, kms
I'm trying to appeal it but NEET with no car or money
>>27429910
Damn thats strict.
>>27429910
that's choice bullshit right there
>>27428362
>be collegefag
>sophomore
>history major
>weeaboo
>can't concentrate on readings or papers
>go into autistic rages and throw my stuff all around my room when I feel over worked
>curl up in to fetal position
>can't even drink myself to sleep because 20 and no friends
>watch anime for 10 hours a day just to escape
>dead inside
College is the best years of your life r-right?
I'm going to keep it short.
I am a passive onlooker in my life, I spiral when I acknowledge that this shit is really happening to me in the first person. I refer to myself as you often like I'm two different people. I really feel like that. I talk to myself for company and give myself pep talks, I've been poorly self-soothing for a while now.
I don't like starting confrontation so I avoid it. I don't mind confrontation when I'm openly being insulted, but indirect stuff does my head in. People get so mad at me when I don't agree with them, even though I'm respectful, but a part of me feels like I should be honest with myself and go full troll, since the result is the same.
I'm losing my sanity wagecucking because they want to mold me into a proper office drone. My clothes have to go and I can't use post it notes to scribble on anymore. I got this job for monetary reasons because my family is going through some life changing shit. I'm hoping that my family pulls through, but I'm scared.
I have a lot of sadness and rage in my heart and I've never been myself fully in any capacity but all I ever wanted to do was be an eccentric kid who drew Chinese cartoons and listened to indie music. I wasted my teen years not being myself or allowing myself to fuck up bad. I'm being thrusted into possible loss and draining adulthood and I don't want that shit. I didn't enjoy being a teen and now I fucking hate being an adult. I just wanted to be me and I couldn't.
I didn't keep it short, sorry.
>>27428362
I shit my pants once. I forgot the rest.
>>27430785
We're a lot like each other, it sounds like
Not entirely, but our biggest regret seems to be the same.
>>27430785
Depersonalisation is hard man, I've had it a little and it fucked with me so bad.
Sounds like you have it pretty severely.
I don't know brothers. I'm not bad looking and i usually get good grades. I have a lot of friends but I'm too beta to hit on grills. Right now my grades are fucked so i gotta fix them. But what irks me the most is i literally have no skills. I'd like to write a book, learn to code, get good at crafts or something. But in the end i just play videogames and go fuck around with my friends. We don't even smoke weed or go to parties or drink. What do I even do with my life? All we do is watch movies and go to the gym
>>27429624
Armyfag here, it's mostly boring as fuck. Also, I should tell you that if you want to do anything high speed, they really don't want autistic weirdos like us (see: me). Here's how it's gone. . .
Enlisted for 11B1P because I was way in debt and wanted the experience anyway. And hey, I figured, I'd be getting paid to do what I already liked anyway.
After about a year of service I attended SFAS because I was excelling physically and was just generally a competent soldier, so my command team was happy to sign off on it.
Anyway, I did the whole 19 days of their shit, marched 26 miles at the end of it, and then they told me, I shit you not, that I was not selected because I was not a team player.
See, the thing is, you can pull your weight and do your job, and do it well, but if people don't like you, that's fucking it. Done. You are gone. I didn't really talk to anyone because I didn't see that. I thought being agreeable, competent, and generally not a faggot would be enough. But it's not. You have to be a normie. And I'm just not.
I've made peace with it because it was still good training for me, and now I see my limitations. . . But now I wonder, is it worth it to develop that critical skill, to get "instant rapport?" Would I just be deluding myself and "faking it?" At what point does it stop being "faking" and start being "making?"
I don't fucking know man. Just wanted to share my experience as a robot in a macho business. Makes me wonder is all. . .
>>27432287
Holy shit man
I've seen the docco on the course and that shit is insane, congratulations on finishing pretty much the hardest thing on Earth
I've met a few people in the adf e.g my sister's boyfriend is in the navy and he says that it's boring as shit
How long ago did you do it?
>>27432448
I appreciate that man and my friends who got cut in the first and second weeks said similar things. . . But when you're not selected it amounts to the same thing, you know?
Anyway I did it last year. Everyone asks, do I want to go try again? In theory I can go again this year. And I'm like, well, I'm sure I could pass again, but would I get selected?
And that's kind of what I mean when I say this question has just been nagging at me ever since, like will I be a robot forever and always have that problem or what? You can't just meet someone and say, "Hey I don't say much but please don't think I don't like you, I'm just a quiet guy and don't really like to bullshit or joke around that much." It wouldn't fly even if you did. So what then are the psychological and moral implications of just "faking it?" Sorry to ramble dude but I really haven't spoken to anyone about this before.
>>27432745
Yeah not getting selected must feel like you're in a bad dream, I can't imagine
I'm no expert or authority on the matter but I would guess that going again would look really good to them if you really want it
It's also a good thing that you get this off your chest man, I appreciate the "rambling", it's interesting to me because what you're doing is Joe Rogan guest worthy
And I know that feel from martial arts, I see (certain) things as needing to be done as best as possible and I have been told by senseis/instructors that I'm "too serious" and to "not look so worried" and sometimes when people try to talk to me for whatever reason I often get called quiet and shit, like can't we just be fucking quiet? Can't we just skip small talk and courtesies, get on with it?
I'm not sure about faking it, sometimes I get in good moods probably from physical activity and might get a little talkative or jokey but I think that's also because real people aren't movie characters with personalities like computer code. But that's just me rambling now lmao
>>27433289
Statistically I was told that if you go a second time after being a non-select, your chances of being selected are exponentially higher. But yeah, I can't ignore this creeping doubt about it all, about my own existence even, at this point.
>Can't we just skip small talk and courtesies, get on with it?
Exactly dude, exactly. That's what I thought something like SF would be like. And to a degree it was, like we didn't observe privileges of rank or anything like that, went by first names, and everything. But at the end of the day, they really just want to feel like you're their "bro." It's where we start getting into the "faking it" territory because you have two days per team with which to accomplish this.
See, I bring up "faking it" because it actually seemed to work with a guy I knew from my unit. He was a big guy, smart, who was a top performer but didn't care about anyone but himself, and everyone back in the unit knew it. But come team week at SFAS you had better believe all of a sudden this guy is Captain fucking America, shouting encouragement at us all day during events and generally putting a show on for the cadre. And at the same time, he's constantly chatting up the other guys, taking an interest in every detail of their lives, making them the sole objects of his attention. He knew the game. I knew it, too, but it wasn't natural to play it like that. But when everyone's playing it. . . It seems like you have to engage with it or you just get pushed out. Does that makes sense?
What I'm describing is an intensely competitive environment in which every move you make and everything you say, every look on your face, is scrutinized by your peers and the cadre alike, and if you're not in, you are just out. That aspect of infantry living is not unique to SF, but it is way more intense there.
So yeah it just makes me wonder if this is even the right environment for me, since I'm a guy that just wants to shut up and work and go home
I feel you, but when nobody tries to sit you down at all it starts to feel like nobody cares, even though that isn't the truth.
I don't know if I'm a masochist or what, but the decisions I've made are fucking me over and it's only the beginning, I keep making them. People call me shortsighted and that isn't entirely true. I can see the consequences, I keep ignoring them until they overwhelm me. I can't ever win an argument about it without heeming and hawing or straight up saying something that I know people will never agree with. I am being a fucking idiot. It's not OK, not even with me. I wish I could be content with the purgatory I've created for myself but I do nothing but fret about the future.
That's my biggest complaint, I have some smaller ones like >tfw no gf and >tfw got fucked up and pissed off someone who's been nothing but good to me, stuff I hope will blow over with time.
>>27428948
You sound like a huge faggot. In every sense of the term.
I got into a pretty exclusive WoW guild when I was in high school. After a few weeks, I make friends with the guild leader. About a year goes by and he's both a friend and a mentor to me. He teaches me how to survive college, how to tell if someone has alcohol poisoning, how to build a computer, life skill type stuff, that sort of thing. Shortly after my freshman year of college, his dad passes away after a long battle with cancer. He withdraws for a bit, but ultimately comes around once the grieving process is over. About 6 months later, his mom dies, also fighting cancer. He's obviously hurt, but he's known that this was a foregone conclusion for months. Then, 3 months later, his sister commits suicide. He's devastated. The guild and our group of friends rally around him, but he sinks into what seems like a deep depression. The man has just lost his entire family in the span of a year. While we play vidya, but he's never quite as happy as he used to be. He sometimes takes time to remind me. "Anon, cherish the ones you love, because you never know when they might be gone." I always would agree with him and then we'd get back to playing vidya again. Later that year, he received a rather large check from his parents' insurance settlements so he decided, once he paid off debts, bills, etc. That he was gonna build a computer. So he did. And it was a beast. We're talking over Mumble one day and he says "Anon, I wanna tell you something. For the first time since my dad died, I feel happy. I have a date next week, I have a new computer, and I have my friends here." I told him I was happy for him too and he logged off for the night.
Continued in the next post
>>27433836
Contd.
That would be the last time I spoke to him. He died of a brain aneurysm that very night. It was totally undetectable and came completely out of the blue. It rocked everyone in our friend circle to the core and I still don't think I've recovered. That was two years ago. Now I'm about to graduate college with a degree in computer science and it's all thanks to the help and advice he gave me. I hope I made you proud, Keith. I miss you.
Cherish the ones you love, /r9k/. Because you never know when they might be gone.
>>27433482
That seems redundant if some guy can just pretend like you said that at team week he's Captain America but once it's over he's back to being Rick Sanchez, how annoying
I see what you mean with faking it in such a vast competition, it must be like a football team trying to hang on to a flying fox
I also find it weird because they can't teach you that. It doesn't seem like a skill that can be trained the same way as working out or studying a job description.
It really does sound intense, but perhaps there is something in robots that others don't have, that can't be taught or trained as mentioned, maybe stoicism brings the advantage you need, who knows?
>>27428362
>Professor: What University will you be transferring to?
>Me: I'm not planning to attend University
>Professor:...
Fuck student loans, political bullshit,and liberals.
Part 1/3?
Toddlerhood
Mum has OCD and severe anger issues. She's manipulative and controlling, and conditional with her love, acting like she doesn't care at all if I violate one of her OCD 'rules'.
I used to throw tantrums while leaving places, and once at kindergarten she kicked me during one and left. She returned later. After asking the kindergarten staff for help I was placed with my grandparents.
Childhood
Grandma has severe anger issues, social awkwardness, deep insecurity, and odd OCD-like hang-ups. She's unpredictable in her behaviour and preferences. One minute she can be kind, the next yelling, playing victim or trying to antagonise you. My grandfather is distant and quiet, but made the odd mocking or insulting remark.
For most of my childhood they left me alone on the computer.
They sent me to Catholic schools where I was bullied for seeming gay. I had few friends, but was funny and smart.
The last year our teacher asked no work from us, and from then on I lost motivation for schoolwork.
Intermediate (Middle school)
This new Catholic school had kids from the old one and two other schools. We were mixed into three classes, and a couple of girls befriended me. Kids from my old school mostly tried to ignore me, while kids from the new schools quickly came to the conclusion I was gay, without talking to me. I was shy, so scared shitless of them. I got bullied verbally and physically by some of them, whose names I didn't even know.
During the holidays I experimented with my cousin, and played Kingdom Hearts on his console. I developed a crush on the lead character and later I realised I actually was gay, and developed a crush on a similarly cute and longhaired kid in another class, whose name I didn't know.
Second year of intermediate I didn't get to be in the kid's class, and was separated from my two girl friends. My friends this year were all male. I experienced a growth spurt, and my voice deepened. The bullying stopped.
Part 2/3?
Because I had no motivation to work, I was pulled out of class for three days by the head of intermediate to punish me. I got to sit in the kid I liked's class a few times, but facing the wall.
Later that year I told one of my girl friends from the year before that I liked him, and she started a rumour. Everyone knew.
Then for the first time I had feelings for someone else: one the friends I'd made at primary school.
High school: 13-14
I still wasn't in the boy's class, nor my girl friends'. I was with the friend from primary school, and a couple others. I liked more kids from that class, a tall lithe boy who seemed kind of dumb but had tanned skin, soft features and and a great smile, and a short strong kid with long, brown curls who was quick to smile and had a soft, slightly feminine voice.
Half (or maybe all) of the fun of coming to school at this point was just to watch these kids. Their bodies, their gestures, how they moved, their expressions. Hear their voices, and the enthusiastic, innocent, energetic and lively way they interacted.
That year the female friend indirectly told my primary school friend I liked him. In his disappointment and anger he stole my bag and littered the contents around the field, then didn't speak or sit next to me for a week.
The brown haired boy sat in front of me in Social Studies, and tried multiple times to talk and befriend me, but I felt inferior and too weird, and eventually he stopped
14-15
Second year of high school all of our classes were in different rooms. Still didn't have one class with my first crush.
I was playing Mirror's Edge at home when a friend called, and introduced a friend he'd made. I was nervous to talk, but he insisted. The guy was British, and seemed friendly. Later when we met in person he seemed like a pretty nice guy.
eh i'm coming up to some delicious drama shortly in the next three years, then interspersed in the five after that, but i'm sick of this
>>27436135
yeah and also noone cares you whalebeast roastie
I wanted to write, but I got depressed thinking about it. ;_;
