Dumping some greentext I collected in 2013 for no reason.
>pic unrelated
>be me
>run everywhere 'cuz fuck walking slow
>last period, teacher lets us leave 5minutes early
>run out of classroom
>about to go down stairs
>run head first into music teacher
>he falls down stairs
>starts bleeding from head wound
>panic and pretend to be in complete agony
>people crowd around
>"hey look anon just beat up Mr Gates"
>lay on floor in complete silence, eyes closed
>teacher and me gets rushed to nurse
>i'm fine, get given clear to go home
>run home, dont go to school for next week
>teacher wasn't in either
>mfw there was a rumor going round that i killed our music teacher and wasn't in 'cuz i was in jail
>gotta go fast
>be in year 9 (or "ninth grade" for murrikabots) boys HS
>have sweet lady, used to be the librarian for homeroom teacher, she had literally no control over us
>have a pair of free standing lockers at the back of the room (pic related, found the exact model wtf)
>they are light and wobbly, there's usually nothing in them, they rock back and forth easily if you push
them
>"this becomes "the crusher" and class tradition of going "in the crusher" begins, person was shoved in
the middle and two groups of us would shove each locker as hard as possible
>it's completely safe, brings class together, the hardcore kids, the wogs, the nerds and losers, breddy
gud
>this keeps on for weeks
>in class, teacher leaves early or something, leaves us unsupervised, of course we get stupid
>suddenly "Menke (some faggot who was literally a hate figure for all the guys) should go in THE
CRUSHAAAAA"
>"CRUSHER CRUSHER CRUSHER" we go into a frenzy, the biggest dudes in the class and some
others run into his classroom (in the middle of a class mind you)
>suddenly cheering and running, menke wailing in terror
>we all lose it "GET HIM IN THE CRUSHA WOOOOOO"
>whole class crusherizes him, it was like lord of the fucking flies in there
>eventually it ends and he runs sobbing from the room
>mfw no consequences
> school talent show
> for some reason decide to show off my collection of cacti
> "ok anon it's your turn to go on stage"
> i slowly place all 9 cacti on the ground in front of the audience
> give a short description of each, referring to them by names I made up
> everyone collectively wtfs
> 6 years later, still remembered as 'that cactus guy'
"When I was in highschool I used to pull heaps of epic stuff no one believes me."
> final year, manage to aquire the student B.o.T rep role.
> basically act as the communicator between the students and the teachers.
> one day am made to stand up in assembly and growl students about the state of the toilets, New
policy where students who need to poop have to go and collect tp off the hot office lady
>mfw I was the kid who shat on the floor, urinals, toilet seats ect for the hell of it while other
students were in class
>mfw I just used my key to go and poop in the old staff room
another one
> was in chemistry class, found a small motor with two wires soldered onto each of the nodes
> place the two wires directly into the wall socket and turn it on
>the motor runs pretty quick for a few seconds then just completely explodes
>blew all of the wall fuses in the entire science block
>my punishment was for me to foot the electrician bill, me and the deputy principal were good
buddies.
> so I went to the B.o.T finance sub committee meeting.
> motioned that the electrician bill be passed under the schools insurance policy because "it
would be unfair to the student and he has probably already served a few detentions for this
anyway".
>the B.o.T all adore me and think its a good idea
> IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME
:)
>walking down the street at three am
>trying to get home which is a few blocks away
>see a guy following me
>walk a little faster
>he kicks up his pace to
>turn around and confront him
>he stops two feet in front of me
>has his dick out jerking it
>look him in the face
>realize it is Bill Murray
>he runs up and finishes on my face
>shoots the biggest load I have ever seen in my life
>it so strong that his blast knocks me to the ground
>he throws me a towel and says
>"no one will ever believe you"
eet
>be top student in primary school due to low amount of effort required, but have little friends
>be bullied by m8cunt in training and his quasi gf
>reach high school
a
>grades pretty much take a nose dive til last year due to my general apathy towards school
>people from my primary school have just spread enough rumours that im still regarded as some sort of
genius
>become the guy that everyone comes to for advice
>literally nicknamed sage
>decide to obscure beta faggotry behind a false zen asexuality
>m8cunt and stephanie mcjiggletist come to me for relationship advice
>always give terrible advice, that can I can always claim they misinterpreted through their own fault
>m8cunt starts fucking other girls on the side
>stephanie dumps him and offers to become my assistant or student or some bullshit
>laughs internally
>stephanie keeps following me around
>convince her to start take "mental supplements"
>she gets expelled 2 weeks later for being caught smoking pot
>'i was just following anon"
>get called to principals office
>"anon did you do this"
>"no, sir"
>"are you willing to take a drug test"
>"yep"
>be 100% clean never touch that shit
>"well stephanie it looks like youre expelled"
>stephanie now has 2 kids with the m8cunt and is a dismal alcoholic
Collected from various boards btw
>Tenth grade.
>I have a bro history teacher, me and him talk about sports when I'm in his class.
>He is also in charge of the assemblies, and is telling me something he wants me to do.
>Fast forward to the end of the year assembly.
>Last line said by Student Body President:
>"See you all next year!"
>Me, being the sperg I am and doing what I thought was funny said:
>"AND I'LL SEE YOU AT HULKAMANIA!"
>I proceed to rip my shirt in half and run down the stairs.
>The president was pretty small.
>I get up to him, and I body check him.
>I leg drop the student body president in front of the entire school.
>>27364692
/ck/ for example
>26 live at home with parents
>my mom asks me to go out for my dad birthday dinner
>agree to go
>get to restaurant
>look at menu no Turkey on the menu
>I ask the waitress if they can make it anyway
>she says no I confront her about it
>get argumentative
>DAD SCREAMS OUT THEY DONT SERVE TURKEY HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT
>waitress trying not to laugh
>i get up and run out
>walk home
>haven't talked to them since they got home tonight
-
>26 live at home with parents
>my mom asks me to go out for my dad birthday dinner
>agree to go
>get to restaurant
>look at menu no Turkey on the menu
>I ask the waitress if they can make it anyway
>she says no I confront her about it
>get argumentative
>DAD SCREAMS OUT THEY DONT SERVE TURKEY HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT
>waitress trying not to laugh
>i get up and run out
>walk home
>haven't talked to them since they got home tonight
>at Olive Garden for lunch today
>sitting at those tables right near the bar
>by myself
>girls at table literally right next to me
>i make eye contact a few times
>girl drops her breadstick
>i get up pick it up and hand it back to her
>she says nothing, gives me a blank stare
>I sit back down, see them laughing like crazy
>they keep smiling and laughing to each other
>put 10 bucks down, for my beer and a tip and run out
Autism Thread /r9k/ (mid 2013)
>name was Matt
>but he demanded to be called Captain BoogerNuts
>if you called him Matt he'd fucking scream at you to call him Captain BoogerNuts
>teacher would often just skip his name during role call
>he did all of his talking through a sock puppet on his left hand
>never seen without that fucking sock puppet
>in fact he would freak the fuck out if you even touched his sock puppet
>three kids tried to take it one time
>it ends with one of them getting stabbed in the cheek with a pen
>he was actually a really violent kid
>he'd routinely walk around the playground and push kids off of schoolyard equipment
>would really hurt kids by pushing them off of monkey bars, jungle gyms, and anything high up
>he would also never use the bathroom, ever
>so if he had to piss or shit he would just pull down his pants and do it, even in class
>one day he asks one of the teachers if he could use the microwave to heat up a slice of pizza
>he actually uses it to heat up some hot chocolate he had in his thermos
>he goes up to some girl in our class and pours steaming hot chocolate down her back
>she screams and starts crying
>she also falls to the floor writhing in agony from the burning fluid touching her back
>Matt doesn't come back to school the next day and neither does the girl he burned
>teacher tells us that Matt moved but nobody in class believes her
>the joke around class for the rest of the year is that his sock puppet ate him
/g/?
>playing Mortal Kombat 2
>my mom walks in on me playing
>"watch this mom"
>i do the fatality where Baraka cuts off your head
>mom freaks out and tells me to turn it off
>i scream at her and start choking myself with the controller wire in an attempt to stop her
>it doesn't work, she just ignores me
>didn't get to play Mortal Kombat again until years later
PI guy
>be contracted to find a debtor on the south side of Chicago
>have no verifiable address for the guy
>have to start knocking on doors to track him down
>walk up to the front door of one place
>hear someone walk to the door
>a woman begins shouting "oh shit Jerry the police are here get the fuck out"
>hear the back door shoot open and watch this crackhead try to run down the fire escape
>he slips and tumbles the whole way down
>mfw he wasn't even the guy I was there for
found something pre 2009
>mom knows I browse imageboards
>start telling her about my day at school
>she starts yelling "SAGE! SAGE!"
>ask her to please stop
>she asks me why i am mad
>tell her i'm not mad
>she tells me i'm colon crusaded
>just continue with my story
>she keeps yelling "SAGE! SAGE! OP IS A FAGGOT! DIDN'T READ!"
>my sister joins in
>my sister starts yelling "DESU DESU DESU DESU"
>my dog walks into the room and starts howling
>my mom reports him to my dad for derailing the thread
>my dad puts the dog outside
>my mom yells outside to the dog "ENJOY UR BAN FAGGOT"
>mfw
/sci/
>be on a science team with friends
>gets to go to another highschool to compete
>hungry, nearest mall (and food) is 2 miles away
>friend says he knows the way (he doesn't)
>leads us through a shortcut past a swim meet to a tennis court at that highschool
>goes in and realizes that the other door is locked, and the one we went through is a one way door
>four guys locked in a tennis court
>tiny crack to the outside
>friend gets up on one of my friends to yell at someone to save us
>whole swim meet just looking at us
>man in a trench coat with sticky hands opens the door and lets us out
>walks back to the campus with the whole other school looking at us.
>mfw
/g/
>be me
>be in high school
>in computer room
>running some version of Windows can't remember which one
>Ctrl+R disabled
>Make a WordPard doc since no NotePad
>@echo off
color 02
%random%random shit tone of times
>save the file as Matrix.bat
>Everyone in room shits bricks
>Teacher remotely shuts down my computer and tells me to leave the class
>mfw got kicked out for the rest of the year
>mfw I didn't even do shit
/mex/
>playing handball
>accidentally trip someone
>wanna be cholo defends his homie
>one hit to the stomach take out my air
>go to the principal office
>tough guy facade out the door
>he starts crying and tells me not to tell the principal
>bribes me with 3 dollars
>dont tell on him
>MRW i dont get the 3 dollars he promised to give me
/traps/
>sit next to DFC girl in a college class
>name was Jamie
>was always in hoodie and sweatpants
>had dyed blonde hair that was short but done up in a way to make her look alternative or
whatever the fuck
>eyebrow piercing
>whatever though, she was cool as fuck
>flirt with her the entire semester
>next semester, studying with a girl who was from that class
>mention my gf
>she acts surprised
>says she thought I was gay
>ask her why she would think that
Turns out, Jamie was a dude
2013 was 3 years ago
>Work for this scientist dude
>Fattest fucking guy I've ever seen, like goddamn, how does he even move
>Bald as fuck too, but he has the most ridiculous mustache to make up for his lack of head hair
>To make things worse for him, he has a ridiculously deformed head shape (it's so bad, he
actually got nicknamed because of it)
>I guess he has a PhD or something; I have no idea what it's for or how in the fuck he got it
>Boss is good at making robots
>Really, really good
>He pumps out some of the most awesome shit ever, like drill vehicles and actual personal flying
machines, all the damn time
>You'd think he'd be something of a global celebrity with genius like that; we could solve just
about all of the worlds technology problems
>But no
>Instead, my job is to use these absolutely ridiculous contraptions to hunt woodland creatures
>Like, what in the actual fuck is this guy thinking
>To make it even better, my coworker is a fucking moron
>Seriously, most of the time we go out, he ends up injuring himself (and frequently me) trying to
capture foxes using overly ornate traps or drills or whatever
>We turn up empty-handed almost all of the time, the machines usually get destroyed in the
process, and the boss always goes into an incoherent rage every single time
>Why I'm still doing this, I don't know
>You think we'd stop after one or two failures, but this fucking fatass boss of mine continues to
build even more ridiculous contraptions for my coworker to fuck up
>It always fails, the machines get destroyed, I get hurt all the time, and I have no idea where the
money for all of this comes from
Fuck's sake. In particular, we've been chasing some blue hedgehog for years, and we've never
caught him even once.
>workers comp case
>get sent a case, they know what the guys doing in his spare time already, just need film of it
>hes an assistant high school track coach at a public school in Chicago
>6 foot tall black guy, shaved head
>problem is, they dont have a reliable address for the guy
>nothing comes up in searches of records and shit
>have to find him and film him at one of their meets
>show up
>I dont know what you know about Chicago public schools or their track programs
>but every single adult there is a 6 ft tall black guy with a shaved head
>only white guy there
>have to narrow my way down to find the right guy
>pretend Im a reporter for the Tribune
>ask around a bunch of people, take pictures of them like Im doing it for the article
>finally find the guy this way
>send my pictures from the event to a friend who works at the Tribune
>tfw my pics from spying were in the paper as action shots from the meet
PIbot on /r9k/ wonder what he's doing now
more /r9k/
>Lots of kids trafficking drugs at my high school.
>Cops in and out almost every day.
>This one guy I know, let's call him Andrew, is dealing.
>Rumor passes down that the cops are going to do locker inspections after lunch.
>He gets up from the caf.
>Runs over to his locker.
>Gets a plastic container out of there.
>Goes zooming down the halls.
>Assistant Pricipal asks him why he's running in the hallways, he responds with a terse "Fuck
you"
>Throws it down a sewer drain.
>Tries to come back to lunch as if nothing had happened.
>Everyone knows.
>Someone blabs to the cops.
>He goes to prison.
>Dumbass.
/cgl/ for a change
>be me, freshman year of college
>meet a girl through a mutual friend
>most stereotypical weeb I've ever met
>on her dorm room door hangs a copic'd picture of animu girl and giant tits
>room is filled with Hetalia and Japanese curtain things
>she carries around a sketchbook in which she uses to draw yaoi in public
>gets angry when people look at her funny for drawing gay porn. In public
>constantly asks me to teach her about getting an Asian boyfriend, since I'm Asian
>creeps on international students and gets confused when they are scared of her
>it's because you're a huge white whale
>believes that she is the reincarnation of a gay japanese man
>she has confirmed this with a psychic
>discovers that I'm into lolita (I was just getting back into it at this point)
>asks all the stupid questions while somehow acting as if she knows everything already
>plans on buying literally everything from DoL
>"I'm gonna be the best lolita ever!"
>"I looooooove Angelic Pretty! They have such great designs! I need to buy all the replicas!"
>She leaves after that year to go to Savannah College of the Arts because my school doesn't have a
major for comics or something
>because she wants to move to Japan and be a famous yaoi mangaka
>while also being a children's school teacher
>year later, find out she is engaged to an older Japanese man who travels the world making sushi?
>but I don't think she is anymore
>school library has a shelf dedicated exclusively to comic books and manga
>naruto, bleach, one piece, inu yasha, etc.
>also features several of the original English volumes of Ranma 1/2
>Chester really likes hanging out in this section
By the time December rolled around I'd made a lot more friends and found my niche in the high school
hierarchy. One of these friends happened to work as a librarian aide for one of her senior-year electives.
She knew who Chester was and we'd often gossip about how weird he was during our lunch breaks.
>sit at lunch table in front of librarian aide friend
>"Siggy, I'm going to tell you something confidential."
>"O-okay."
>"It's about Chester."
>I give the nod of approval
>"He's banned from the library for the next two months."
>Chester apparently checked out one of the copies of Ranma 1/2 and took it home
>returned it the next day
>some of the pages were stuck together
>specifically the nude scenes
>mfw I realized I could never continue reading the series
>be little kid
>going fishing with parents
>cast line
>seem to hook onto something
>pull
>suddenly a bunch of people on the other end of the pier are yelling
>parents tell me to fucking stop pulling
>I somehow hooked someones ear.
f/i/shing fun (jk, I found this on /out/)
>elementary school
>some kid pulls the fire alarm
>I tell everyone I did it for attention
>get sent to principal with the actual kid who did it
>he says something like "thanks for taking the fall man"
>I rat him out as soon as we enter the office
>middleschool
>get bullied like crazy
>get tripped while running laps in PE
>last straw
>punch the kid who tripped me as hard as possible
>he is the special ed kid
>no fight, no words, he just slowly limps to the teacher
>I get suspended, counceling
>when I return I'm treated like a hero (the kid was very annoying) and never bullied again
>highschool
>wrote a fake note to the counselor in my friends name that his parents hit him and he's afraid to
talk about it
>police show up
>get's taken out of class
>I get away scott free
Good thing bout r9k is it's versatility
>be me, kissless virginfag, shy as fuck
>8/10 girl texts me
>extremely forgiving of my social retardation
>continue to text, clear she wants me to make a move
>never make a single one
>she gets fed up, asks to come over for a movie
>itshappening.jpg
>have an hour to clean and bathe
>queue up the spaghetti machines
>shove shit in the garage, under the bed
>she calls as I'm in the shower
>says she needs me to walk outside and wave to direct her, maps not working or some shit
>i'm fucking nude
>clumsily apply cologne, throw on wrinkled dress shirt
>direct her inside, she's wearing yoga pants
>realize my brain is dead, can't set up Netflix on the television
>grab laptop while apologizing
>2% battery
>continue apologizing, leave her there while I "look for charger"
>spend 5 minutes in my room, cleaning spaghetti stains
>have us watch movie on desktop computer
>awkwardly set up two different chairs
>she's fucking silent
>halfway through, gets a text asking where she is
>says she has to go
>opens the door herself
>forgets i'm here, starts leaving
>"oh", apologizes, turns around and hugs me
>leaves without a second glance, I close the door
>4 min. Later, get a text:
>"you're so charming, thanks for a great night"
>delete contact
>mfw first and only date in my life
>mfw fate sealed
>8th grade world geography
>power point presentation over country
>I did brazil
>hook thumb drive into computer
>open my thumb drive in front of class
>cum guzzling big booty brazilians.avi
>class starts whispering
>teacher isn't really paying attention
>I open my presentation with a shit eating grin on my face
>do my shitty ass presentation
>later that day I get called down to the office
>some snitch reported porn on my thumb drive
>assistant principle forces me to hand over thumb drive
>they find the file, tell them it was a joke
>they try to open it
>shitty school computers don't have DivX codec installed
>you can't install anything because they're locked down
>they can't see what it actually is
>tell them its a fake file
>they are too dumb to know otherwise
>mfw
>look up big boobs when I was 8
>mom and dad make a big fuss over it
>get really nervous and scared
>blame it on my uncle
>my uncle was out of town
>and he was gay
>they knew
>one day find the balls to ask the girl I'm in love with for a date
>look for her in the college
>she's with all her friends and fit jocks
>begin to sweat
>as I approach they start all looking at me, giggling
>look her right in the eyes
>"H-hi. wu-wuduyagoweeme todacinemafriday ? Eh.."
>she asks me to repeat while everybody bursted into tears
>say it again
>she says she will think about it
>feels alpha and leave with tears rolling down my cheeks
>later that day she comes at the cafeteria
>says she will come if I pay for all
>"Yes please I would do anything"
>she smiles and leave
>proceed to make a victory dance on the table
>feels alpha
>come back home at the end of the day
>mother is still watching the same tape of the best football game of my dead old brother (Mother
is that way since Father left with her lover)
>"Mother, I shall go to the movies in this Friday night"
>"So shall you"
>skip all the classes because I'm too excited for Friday
>friday comes
>fap 4 times, shave my balls in the shower
>cut myself
>put a "Little Mermaid" plaster on it
>go to the gym to look fitter
>shower again
>finally get there with flowers one hour sooner
>she finally shows up with all her friends
>pay for everyone
>they tell me to go at the bottom of the cinema while they stay at the top
>when they finish their drink they throw it at me
>"Aha, n-nice throw Kevin"
>"Shut up nerd"
>at some point I look behind, my girlfriend is making out with a tall blonde guy
>the poor guy probably doesn't know she's going out with me
>near the end of the movie she comes to me and ask me to show her my penis
>as I put my pants down I mentally congratulate myself for the shave
>as soon as my pants is down her friends burst out from behind and start to laugh
>laugh with them because I don't want to be rejected
>she takes a picture of my wiener and they leave
>credits roll
>in High School
>sitting in class
>suddenly, feel rumbling from deep in my stomach
>oh fuck
>feel the onset of a earthshaking diarrhea coming
>ask the teacher if I can use the bathroom
>There's 10 mins left of class, so she tells me to wait
>10 mins isn't ordinarily a long time, but when you have diarrhea, 10 minutes is a lifetime
>The pain gets worse and worse, start sweating profusely
>my back is covered in sweat, face bright red
>class ends finally, run to the nearest bathroom
>unload a massive, loud as fuck dump that was one of the worst smelling shits of my life
>walk out of stall
>four girls are standing there staring at me
>jaws dropped a little, a look of disgust on their faces
>it hits me
>in my rush to shit, I ran into the girl's bathroom instead of the guys
>panic
>say "that's right, I left you all a present, hope you enjoy it"
>stroll out of bathroom
>walking along at night
>look up at a streetlight
>see a fucking UFO
>everything goes black
>I hear a bang
>unconscious
>wake up bound to a metal table
>some really ugly fucker looking at me
>speaking french or some shit I don't know I only speak American
>puts something on my head and starts speaking a real language
>asks me about global affairs
>lie my ass off to spite him
>gets his "probe" out
>2 inches, looks like overcooked spaghetti
>make a joke about it
>he leaves crying
>his buddy comes in to interrogate me
>I do the only thing I know how to
>I begin to tell him about my cat
>oh did I tell him
>I begin to narrate every day of my life spent with the cat
>3 hours later
>about 1/4th through the stories
>the alien takes his own life in an attempt to get away from my incessant rambling
>I get borked over the head by another alien
>wake up on the street in the morning
/cgl/again
>Be me
>Get something in my inbox
>Says someone messaged me on facebook
>It's an old friend/acquaintance I haven't heard from in awhile
>She's in town and wants to meet up with me
>Message her back
>Few days later meet up at cafe
>She's sitting outside at one of the tables when i come over
>Do a double take when I see her
>In the three years since I saw her she's gotten fat, really fat
>She's about 5'4" and now weighs over 250 pounds
>Weight is concentrated in her hips and gut
>Alot of it in her gut
>She looks like she's going to pop out a kid or two
>She sees me and waddles over, not even joking here, an actual waddle
>Hugs me
>It's like a flesh mattress
>We sit down
>I just stare at her stomach because autism
>She laughs and tells me she's not pregnant
>I ask her what happened to her
>Tells me that she found a chubby chaser site online and applied as a girl there.
>At first she was just doing it for money but eventually she got around to liking it and ate her to
this new flab body
>Goes into detail about why she likes it and how it sexually arouses her
>This goes on for sometime
>She tells me I should try it out. money is good and I'd get larger breasts.
>Tell her I need to go to the rest room
>Go inside the cafe
>Sneak out the back
>Go home
>Lock door
>Delete my face book
>Hide under bed for rest of the day
>following some girl on a case
>leads from rich-ass North Shore suburb down into the city
>straight to Englewood
>wut
>she pulls onto a street
>pulls up to a bunch of gang members
>lol shes trying to buy drugs
>theres safer ways of doing this sweetheart
>must have been short money or whatever, because the gang guys get mad
>start pounding on her car
>one of them pulls a gun
>oh shit Im gonna witness a murder here
>my client wont pay me to work more days if this girl is dead
>start laying on my horn from a little down the street
>everyone confused
>she drives away
>I get out of there because fuck that shit
>everyone lives to cheat another day
>have social anxiety
>if people talk to me I tend to talk way too loud and fuck up my words
>one day, I'm walking down the hallway
>a new kid I'd never seen before accidentally bumps into me
>starts nervously apologizing
>laugh a little, smile, try to seem friendly
>go to say "forget it"
>but retardation rears it's ugly head
>instead I practically shout "FAGGOT"
>all noise stops
>everyone turns to look at me
>new kid has tears in his eyes
>the vice principal grabs me by the arm and drags me into his office
>apparently the new kid is gay
>and I just shouted faggot at him in front of everyone
>I try to explain that it slipped out funny and I meant to say forget it
>so scared and nervous I start crying
>VP believes me and lets me go
>known for the rest of school as the homophobic asshole
>be in grade 12
>my acquaintance/friend Andrew is a really popular guy; pretty big stoner
>takes one of his friends (Henry) binder
>tells Henry he's going to shit in it (I don't know exactly why - I think it was purely for lulz)
>Henry gives it to him since he didn't give a fuck and it was the final semester of high school for
us
>Andrew goes into bathroom
>huge crowd forms outside bathroom
>everyone waiting for Andrew and the dookie binder to emerge
>vice principle sees huge crowd; investigates
>Andrew emerges triumphantly
>VP knows he's notorious for being a nigger
>makes him open binder
>glorious shit log staring back at him
>forced to go to the principle's office
>gets suspended
>forced to go to counseling
>mfw
>Be a junior in high school
>Some random students decide to start a Satanist Club called 'The Satanic Thought Society'
> Decide to drop in on it once because fuck it why not
> Nothing crazy, but they were telling people not to talk to the media or whatever
>wat.jpg
>look through the newspapers later and stuff
>didn't realize there was a shit storm brewing already, with religious people protesting, and there
was even one kid that decided to do an interview with O'Riley about this.
Captcha tells me I'm not a robot
/int/
>go to a DoDs school on a military base in Japan
>entire graduating class is 30 kids
>we all decide to do a senior skip day
>all of our parents are okay with it
>one of the teachers makes fun of us for getting permission for senior skip day
>rented a bounce house from outdoor rec and played in a bounce house on senior skip day
/r9k/
>be in 2nd year
>went to an extremely shit school
>daily fights, no one cared etc
>even the 6th year students (around 17-18 years old) were nutters who were forced to go to
school for money (yeah, it was that bad, they paid us to stay on)
>they organize a fight club in the 6th year common room
>they arrange desks into an octagon ring
>the rules were that you had to pin your opponent and you were set free, if not, you fought the
next round
>first years were dragged in if they passed the common room
>brutal fights in there daily, teachers didn't suspect a thing, blood on the floor by the end of the
day
>other years begin betting on who will win
>first years begin volunteering to fight
>it becomes its own little economy, we'd go to the nearest shop, steal a bunch of food and
sometimes cheap alcohol and gamble it in the fight club
>huge violence and theft epidemic about 2 months down the line
>teachers finally found out about it and expelled 9 people
>fight club never happens again
/a/ satire
>start high school
>sit behind this strange girl
>decide to talk to her one day
>we become friends
>we start a club, with no real purpose
>slowly recruit members
>a soft-spoken grill and a timid grill with boobs
>slowly build up our club
>soft-spoken grill tells me she's an alien
>timid grill tells me she's from the future
>transfer student joins our club
>he tells me he's an esper
>they all think this stranger girl is some sort of God
>all sorts of weird shit happens
>espers fight blue energy monsters
>fight a data entity in the form of a camel cricket
>murder mystery on a private island
>make a movie for the school fair
>play computer game against the computer club from which we swindled a computer from
>sometimes we just sat around in the club room, soft-spoken grill reading, big-boobed grill
making tea, and me playing shogi with the transfer student
It was a weird high school life.
/r9k/
>school assembly
>waiting for somebody to get there
>skinny white guy gets up in front of everybody
>takes off his shirt
>waves his arms about his head
>chants "niggerniggerniggernigger" continuously while walking around flailing his arms
>everybody just stares in confusion
>he keeps doing it
>becomes awkward when nobody stops him and he has to take a breath to keep going
>can see in his face he's confused why nobody is really doing anything about this
>he stops and walks calmly out of the door
>he never comes back
probably not r9k
>Be me
>27 years old
>gf of 4 years no longer has sex with me dailly
>She still spends time with her dildo, though.
>One day I decide that it is time to show her the dangers of her ways.
>I empty every bottle of water from fridge except one.
>I close the tap water.
>I empty 3/4s of the last bottle of water and fill it with medical capsaicin
>I take her dildo and spray food additive capsaicin extract on it.
>I wipe it off softly with a towel, so that the substance looks more like residual cum if she notes
it at all.
>I put her dildo back to her bedside drawer.
>At night I told her to wait for me to finish organising something for my work for us to have sex
>She didn't listen
>Started masturbating alone, anyway.
>The thing with capsaicin is that you don't feel it immediately, the substance has to interact with
mucus membranes to burn.
>So she's halfway to an orgasm, having done her best to get the susbtance everyone around the
inside and outside of her pussy when it started burning
>The burning sensation caused by these extracts is incremental over time.
>In the beginning she just felt a burning sensation and didn't mind it, but soon it was really
burning her.
>She first tried to rub it off of her, but that only made it worse
>She got up nearly screaming and tried to get water from the tap, but of course that was closed
>then she tried to find water in the fridge, but I had taken them all
>By the time she found the one I've left she was really panicking.
>She opened it and dropped all of it on her pussy.
>You should have seen her face when she realise it wasn't helping but in fact made it worse.
>She curled to the corner near the fridge, holding her pussy with both hands, panicking, crying
and screaming incoherently until she pissed herself and passed out.
>High school.
>Someone creates a twitter account and begins trashing people, revealing everyone's dirty
secrets. Who is gay, who cheated on who, who had abusive parents, who was a virgin, etc.
>Several tweets a day. Even teachers and staff get trashed.
>It soon becomes clear that whoever was doing that was one of students and was well-connected
enough to be in parties and other social gatherings.
>He/she becomes known as "The Anonymous Trasher".
>Paranoia sweeps the school. People are accused of being the trasher. Actual fights break out.
>There are lectures, Facebook stakeouts, hysteria and pandemonium.
>Eventually, copycats emerge, trashing other classes.
>Investigations are held.
>The twitter account is mysteriously shut down one day.
>The copycats follow suit, never getting as much attention as the original.
>Eventually, it is all forgotten.
Captcha changing by the minute
>Both band director and drama teacher have been at school for decades
>Hate each others' guts
>Constantly fighting with each other over how big a piece of the fine arts budget they'll each get
>Drama teacher gay
>Band director uptight hard-core Christian, treats his students like members of the military
>Band takes over theater a few times a year for concerts and concert practices
>One year, drama teacher stretched to breaking point by band director's insults and fighting
>Rigs light to come crashing down on stage behind band director during concert
>Director has moved chairs to what he thinks is a better position right before the concert
>Falling light almost wipes out the flutes
>Director had seen drama teacher dicking around up on the catwalks at some point earlier in the
week
>Has assistant band director directing band the next morning
>Waits in the theater for the drama teacher's first class
>Drama class happening on stage with drama teacher leading them in whatever it is they do
>Band director storms out of the darkened theater onto the stage, beats the shit out of the drama
teacher in front of terrified students
/ck/
>work in some mom and pop teriyaki house
> super busy got like 25 tickets on the wall
>only me and the new guy
>fuckign tuesday night man where are all these faggots coming in
>we get an order
>this black guy comes into the back
>nigga what you doingback here
>"YO YALL NIGGAS BETTER MAKE MAH FOOD REAAL GOOD YA FEEL ME BUT I
DON WAN MAH BEEF TO TOUCH DA RICE N SHIT I WANT THEM TO BE ON THE
SAME PLATE BUT SEPERATE
>think nigger please i have like all these tickets your shit isnt even on my radar
>he lifts his shirt
>he has a pistol tucked into his pants
>YA FEEL ME!?
>sigh and say yeah sure.
> get to his order
> have liek 8 tickets after him with mulitple orders each
>he walks back into the kitchen and complains hes been waiting for an hour
>its only been like 30 minutes
> say its just abou tto come out
>send it out
>he opens it up and throws it in the face of the cashier girl
>he pulsl out his gun and starts yelling
>WHAT DID I SAY NIGGA I SAID SEPERATE IT NIGGA CAN YOU NOT LISTEN NIGGA
>fuck man why just take your food and get out i got tickets backing up shit uhgh
>make another one and make sure the beef and rice are separated by half an inch
>he walks out
>most of the customers saw that he had a gun
>none of them called the cops
>call the cops
>they dont show up till an hour after
>yesterday, home for the summer from university
>have a job set up while staying with my dad this summer
>we go out to dinner
>sit at the bar facing the kitchen to watch the cooks because it's first come first serve instead of
having to wait an hour for a table or booth
>get drinks
>waitress is friendly attractive redskin
>brings us bread and drinks and asks if there's anything else she can do for us
>my 75 year old father asks sarcastically to go check if he left his car lights on
>dammit dad why just because you flash your american express black card at the end of the meal
doesn't mean you can be a dick
another time, same restaurant at Christmas vacation
>get seated at nice table
>dad is under air conditioning vent
>water droplets hit him twice
>i offer to switch seats with him
>he asks the waitress to bring him an umbrella since they gave him such an awful seat
>waitress offers to move us but he says no
>dad c'mon i'll switch
>no
he's starting to really lose his driving skills. Nigger's going senile. I like that he takes me to fancy
restaurants when i visit but his sense of humor towards the staff borders on embarrassment
/fit/
>go to a hibachi with a lot of my friends
>not a mean crowd - personal friends, some black weebs, some /fit/izens, generally a cool bunch
>got recommended to go to this place by another friend so we figure why the fuck not
>we go in
>place is pretty good, sit around the hibachi shooting the shit
>fun atmosphere
>food is cooking
>all of a sudden, a bunch of kids sit down at the hibachi next to us
>soccer moms and dads begin to crowd in
>the place is packed with their party
>we muffle our voices, tone down the language, annoyed but not disheartened
>suddenly, lights dim
>a fucking disco ball comes down from the ceiling
>those quality MIDI files of popular songs that usually accompany karaoke begin to blast
>hibachi becomes a birthday party extravaganza for little jimmy
>except it's taking up the entire fucking restaurant, they have no dedicated party rooms
>our faces when
>Go to Chicago for the first time when I was 12.
>Go to this famous pizza place for authentic deep dish pizza.
>2 hour wait for seat.
>Another hour just to get drinks.
>Finally pizza comes.
>Dad takes bite.
>*CRUNCH!*
>Huge piece of glass in pizza.
>literally tons of these small shards of glass in our pizza. Surprisingly none of us got hurt of
swallowed any.
>Father pretty much goes ape shit.
>Go next do to Pizza Hut instead.
>Still scared of deep dish pizza to this day.
>Fancy girl
>Oneitis starts getting out of hand
>Instead of going on trip with bros to Amsterdam go on daytrip to Edinburgh zoo with her
>End up living with her
>Doing extra housework in the attempt that she'll think a man who can cook/clean is attractive
>She does not lift a finger for months
>Friends start falling out with me because I won't listen to the fact I'm being played
>Don't care, once I've won her everything will be golden
>Start losing sleep
Have you ever gone night after night in the cold knowing that metres away there was a georgeous
girl to lie with and take the lonelyness away?
>One day lose a bet with a friend and he says I have to propose to her
>Here's my chance, I'll go all out, I'll get a diamond ring and she'll realise that everything she
ever wanted was under her nose all along
>Suit up, buy roses, a diamon ring from Argos because poorfag
>Declare undying love
>Sorry Anon, I just don't feel the same way and it wouldn't be fair on you
>huge wierd-looking guy comes in.
>older woman grabs cart and he forlods her
>catch him staring at other women in the shop
>minding my own business as cashier
>serving older woman wierdo entered with
>suddenly hear a woman scream
>see huge guy grab her around the waist
>picks her up
>runs toward my exit with her screaming for help
>what do I do
>he pauses by the older woman
>sets down his catch
>asks Mommy if she saw how strong he was
He was an autist apparently and failed to realize the woman was a person rather than a heavy
object
>Be junior in high school
>Election week
>Username is school id, the password is the school id too.
>Computer Science bro teacher points this out to class.
>We elect ourselves
>Election reset due to "hackers"
>Go home, get manifest of IDs
>Elect my friends to council
>Asian kid found out
>Bitches me out in public
>Told principal that he bullied me and was out to get me
>Never got in trouble
More
>Admin account still logged in to computer
>Access to every account
>Bro teacher tells me to delete their games and leave a note.
>Steal portable games for myself
>Delete their folders and left a note telling them "Thanks for your games ;^)
>Party of 8 comes in
>Two old people, two middle-aged people, two teenagers, and two small children
>They reposition their table and chairs so the old man can sit at the head of the table in his
electric wheelchair
>Dude is fat as fuck - easily 300--400 lbs - and missing a leg
>Bring out a basket of rolls and cornbread y'all and take their drink orders
>The king of the family looks up at me from his electric throne as he grabs a piece of cornbread
>"You can tell how good cornbread is by the way it crumbles, see."
>Watch in apathy as this man's swollen hand that barely resembles that of a human's crushes the
cornbread in his grasp
>He grinds the piece of cornbread in his hand to make the biggest mess he possibly can
>mfw cleaning this mess while his kin encourage him with shit like "Wow Pawpaw this must be
some good cornbread"
>Geriatric beetus king lets out a sigh/grunt
>"This cornbread ain't that good"
>The entire family eats rolls instead
>come into a new job at an upscale restaurant as dishwasher boy
>food is good, people are friendly, family environment, but everything's disorganized
>"soft opening" a.k.a. we have to get our shit together but we don't know what to do
>come in once a week, all of the glasses are still in their trays, piled up
>absolutely no room to move
>"trained" by a 19 year old guy who clearly doesn't give a fuck about anything
>first night of heavy dinner load
>i'm in the front washing the floor while 7 chick servers chit chat and eat
>i'm the only one cleaning the dining area
>old lady owner comes to the front to yell at me
>lazy servers say i'm "flicking dust around"
>the entire place looks filthy
>huge areas of sticky mixed drink spills all over floor in bar area
>I'm the one cleaning it
>get yelled at by old lady owner who has no idea just how fucking filthy every single thing that
comes through my station is
>these are ethnic people so they have no sense that if it's really a soft opening, I should be given
the chance to clean the caked on black gunk on the chef's fucking slicer, etc..
>I came in an hour early that night at the last minute, got called in
>playing Mortal Kombat 2
>my mom walks in on me playing
>"watch this mom"
>i do the fatality where Baraka cuts off your head
>mom freaks out and tells me to turn it off
>i scream at her and start choking myself with the controller wire in an attempt to stop her
>it doesn't work, she just ignores me
>didn't get to play Mortal Kombat again until years later
>Festival
>Get super high
>Rejoin friends, laughing away
>Slowly munching pringles as I laugh
>As soon as they enter my mouth they dissolve and burst into flavour
>tastes pretty damned good
>Keep chortling and eating pringles
>Inhale sharply and pringle becomes stuck in throat
>Unable to breathe
>Intense panic
>In the space of about two seconds go through a huge range of emotion, become absolutely
convinced that I am about to die
>I don't want to die in this dirty, disgusting, noisy field!
>They'll have to get a helicopter to collect my spasming body
>I'll be 'that guy' who died at the festival
>I...never got to say goodbye to my family
>Pringle dissolves and breathing resumes
>Sit in silence for a moment
>continue eating tasty pringles.
>At a restaurant with my parents.
>Don't remember how old I was, but I was pretty young.
>Tell my mom that I have to poop.
>I'm just old enough now that my parents are ready to have me go to the restroom myself.
>They tell me where it is and I go.
>For some reason I go into the women's restroom (I'm a dude), I didn't even realize that I went into the
women's restroom.
>Back then my hair was kind of long and I could pass as a girl.
>I'm on the toilet trying to take a shit, for some reason I'm grunting loudly, maybe having a hard time
getting the shit out.
>Some random woman opens the stall door.
>I immediately cross my legs, hiding my dick.
>She asks "hun, are you ok?"
>I immediately realize that I'm in the women's restroom and that she thinks that I'm a girl.
>I say "yes I'm fine" while doing the most feminine and high pitched voice that I can do.
>She says "ok" then closes the door.
>I began shitting after that, finish up then leave.
>MFW
>discover milf porn
>discover mother and son doujins
>discover mother and son Japanese porn
>get home from school
>mom is washing dishes in kitchen
>she doesn't make eye contact with me and she tells me that dad is waiting for me in my room
>dad says they found out about my porn history
>dad straight up asks me if I have sexual feelings or desires for mom
There seems to be a 5 minute refresh on the bot - odd
>be 12
>be far from where I normally live staying with relatives
>walk in a bush park area alone and come across an 8 year old walking a Labrador puppy with a leash.
>it had one of those chain choke collars
>For some reason I threaten and force the kid to lift the leash up choking the dog.
>I then make him attach the leash to a branch from the tree.
>the dog not being able to breath starts struggling and almost trying to climb up the tree.
>I force the kid back down a path and off a small rock face so he has to run a very long way around to
get back to the dog.
>I run off.
2 years later
>Go back there
>hear relatives talking about the "psychopath dog boy" in town.
>dog received brain damage and died a week later
>everyone blamed the kid.
>School enters a contest where people vote for their school.
>Just requires an email adress per entry, no IP limit, no cookies, no captcha
>set up firefox macro to automatically vote at an extremely fast rate using a downloaded list of
emails
>distribute this bot through a couple computer labs
>went from 40th place nationally to 2nd
>school wins a lot of money
>revered as hero
>be a lunch lady for high school kids
>Michelle Obama's healthy food law fucked things up
>kids can only have juice boxes twice a week but we still serve chips all day
>some kids are lactose intolerant
>can't serve them juice instead of milk
>have to sell them water for 2.50 per bottle
>thats more than the meal itself
>a lot of kids at the high school are poor
>some don't even have money for water
>feel bad for kids
>tons of food goes in the trash anyways
>always give them juice when supervisor isn't looking
Note: There is no actual law over this, some schools have certain plans that are really idiotic
(like here)
>>notes
>work in PC store in country town
>everybody has fucked up porn on their computers
>guy in town suddenly has an east Asian child, like 11 or 12
>his "adopted son" from Myanmar... now called Burma
>coaches a swim team for 11-18 year olds, has for years
>people start to gossip about his trips to thailand, about how it's know for gay prostitutes (is it? i really
don't know)
>police come in with his computer one day
>he's accused of being a pedo by a parent of a swim team kid
>his computer has a lot of
>totally legal gay porn on it
>soft core shit, and he turns pink and sweats when it comes on the screen
>i'm talking japanese guys cuddling each other, Swedish twinks with conveniently placed hand towels
and the like
>he demands the people he was accused by have their computers checked
>out of the 8 people (4 couples) that claimed he was a pedo, their were 5 arrests that day for a
combination of CP and bestiality offences
I actually posted this one on /r9k/ below before, and the OP actually replied to me in 2015. I wonder if he's still around.
(1/2)
>be closet faggot in Idaho
>in Health class
>Health class teacher is pretty obviously gay to another gay, but stealthmode beyond that
>we end up broken into pairs to roleplay a date
>slightly more guys than girls in the class
>too beta to get a girl to be my partner
>instructor pairs me with another guy in the class
>he's handsome, fit, attractive, but super-Mormon and thus pretty fucking sheltered
>he's obviously extremely uncomfortable having to roleplay a date with another guy, and I'm extremely
paranoid about having to roleplay a date with this hot guy without revealing my degeneracy level to the
whole class
>"I-I c-can get it started, just roll with it, it's just roleplay."
Now, my parents had always impressed upon me the importance of safe sex, so I always carry
condoms. In pairs. For obvious reasons.
>I manage to get us through "going for hot chocolate (because Mormons never go for coffee) and
seeing a movie" without sperging out too hard
>>27365599
(2/2)
>stutter out "W-would you like t-to go back to my place? My p-parents are out of town tonight."
>he accepts while looking like he's trying to decide between shouting "FUCK THIS I'M OUT" and
dissolving into a puddle of shame
>it's fucking adorable and isn't helping my boner
>now the whole point of the roleplay thing
>"I-I've g-got some c-cond-doms, if you wanna mess a-around."
>he suddenly breaks character
>"This is stupid, why do gays even need condoms? Two guys can't get pregnant!"
>this makes me simultaneously break character and sperg out
>"Oh no with anal there's always a chance of it not being perfectly clean, besides the obvious STD
chance. I always carry at least two with me."
>proceed to pull them out of my jacket pocket and hold them towards him
>"Even if you're just doing oral or frotting, the chance of transmitting disease is always there."
>brain finally catches up with what the fuck I'm doing
>freeze
>he's frozen solid too, with a look of shock on his face as he stares at the condoms I'm holding
>teacher's sitting behind his desk, desperately trying to contain his giggles, and failing miserably
>Supermormon kid turns and stomps out of the room
>door barely shuts before a big "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGH" echoes through
the hall
>"Not again..." mumbles out of my mouth before I catch myself
>entire class erupts laughing
>be 15 years old
>teachers pet, nerd
>teacher asks if anybody wants to do a chore for her
>no one puts their hand up
>anon, do you want to do it?
>i dont really but i'm too much of a pussy to say no
>ok anon take this note down to miss jones class
>fine whatever, take the note down
>i knock on miss jones door but i can hear she's yelling inside
>she beckons me in and i see that she's having a stand off with s girl in her class, about 13 years
old
>the girl stands up on the table, lifts up her skirt and starts rubbing herself, swearing at the
teacher
>the class erupts
>people are screaming, throwing shit into the air, the girl pulls her thong down and is straight up
masturbating on the table
>miss jones is yelling at the top of her lungs and storms out of class
>i go back to my class and sit in my seat. tell no one what i just saw because nobody would
believe me and i'm to embarrassed to mention rude things in public anyway
>that was miss jones' last day at school
>she had a nervous breakdown and apparently went to a nut house because of that incident
>the girl was suspended
short and sweet [spicy]
>roommate is always stealing my food
>sick of his shit
>one day buy a burger
>lace it with ghost peppers
>go out
>return a few hours later
>roommate nowhere to be seen
>he's in the hospital
>made a thread a few weeks ago
>i thought the girl at Taco Bell liked me
>she would give me extra sauce all the time and talk to me differently
>a week ago I went back in and tried to pick her up
>her co worker said she didn't want to serve me because she was intimidated or scared
>so I waited to today to go back
>this time I brought in a ring pop and was going to jokingly propose to her
>she freaked out like crazy, manager came over
>cops called
>Be 6
>Decide to play hide and seek with my dad without telling him.
>Hide under the seats in the back row of the minivan parked in our garage
>8 hours later a cop peeks under the seat and sees me laying there playing Pokemon Red
>Be 11 or 12
>Working at camp as counselor in training
>Get stuck working with the 3-5 year olds
>One kid is a spoiled fuck
>Kids swim first thing in the morning so they're in their swimming trunks
>Little shit shows up with parents already crying
>Doesn't want them to leave
>Runs around the corner
>Since I'm the counselors' bitch, they make me go get him
>He has his pants down and he's beating off
>Leave during my lunch break
>Never come back
>be 12
>be far from where I normally live staying with relatives
>walk in a bush park area alone and come across an 8 year old walking a Labrador puppy with a leash.
>it had one of those chain choke collars
>For some reason I threaten and force the kid to lift the leash up choking the dog.
>I then make him attach the leash to a branch from the tree.
>the dog not being able to breath starts struggling and almost trying to climb up the tree.
>I force the kid back down a path and off a small rock face so he has to run a very long way around to
get back to the dog.
>I run off.
2 years later
>Go back there
>hear relatives talking about the "psychopath dog boy" in town.
>dog received brain damage and died a week later
>everyone blamed the kid.
>be me
>be sr in HS
>steal IT's macbook
>find mounted network drive "webserver"
>its the school disctrict's webpage files
The site's homepage had a slideshow swf file (it has been updated since)
>change that swf to meatspin
>change permissions to read only
/o/
>be professional auto mechanic
>friend lets me borrow his car
>accidentally lock his keys in it
>be up front with him, "Bro, I locked your keys in the car, I'm sorry."
>"DUDE WHAT THE FUCK??"
>"It's okay, man, I have a remote device that will unlock it for you, though. It's no problem, it'll
take maybe 10 seconds."
>"NO FUCK THAT YOU BROKE IT YOU RUINED MY CAR STAY AWAY FROM IT."
>"Look, I'm sorry, but I really can fix it, it's very, very simple. You see --"
>"NO FUCK YOU I'M GOING TO CALL A 'PROFESSIONAL' WHO WILL COME OUT AND
MANUALLY FIX IT FOR ME FOR ONLY $250 SINCE YOU'RE STUPID."
>"Okay, but just tell him the keys are locked in, and you just need -- "
>"FUCK YOU ANON YOU'VE ALREADY DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE."
>mechanic shows up 3 hours later
>friend gets engine replacement
>new windshield
>new ignition
>they order new keys that take 3 weeks to arrive
>somehow everything is entirely my fault
>to this day, "YEAH DON'T LET ANON BORROW YOUR CAR HE THINKS HE'S FUCKING
GRAND THEFT AUTO OR SOME SHIT LMAO!!!"
>at the shop
>two cashier girls are talking
>one of them gestures towards me and says "Sorry, I should serve this gentleman first." and stops
talking to her friend
>remember girls like it when guys tell jokes
>it'd be a funny joke if I disproved her assumption that I'm a gentleman
>hurr hurr
>say "thanks, asscheeks"
>I don't know why
>she looks at me weird
>scans my items, takes my money and I leave
>cry in my car
>working in Englewood (shittiest neighborhood on the South Side of Chicago)
>following some dumb latino woman around
>pull onto her street and cut a car off so I can get in position to get some film
>He gets out of his car, draws a 9mm, and starts yelling threats at me
>Gangster Disciples (the local gang) start emerging from the nearby houses
>I'm cornered and blocked in with armed gang members surrounding my car and pissed at me
>OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
>Pull some Dukes of Hazzard shit and drive up onto the lawns
>clip a chainlink fence and cause it to fall
>people on sidewalk booking it to get outta my way
>make it to the main street and run the red light
>thank god I didn't die
>go back the next day to finish up the case
>crazy fucking Spanish teacher bitch is put in charge of the school yearbook
>assembles a little team of annoying brown-nosing bitches and fags
>they get out of their classes to go take pictures of the same people over and over again (not a
large school) and can't include any pictures in which the people having any kind of hand gestures
up, even a wave or something
>they do this for half the fucking year until the last month when they release the book
>shitty ass flimsy things without color pictures
>turns out one of the pictures in it showed a guy fingering his girlfriend
>school find out and confiscates all copies
>reissues the yearbook
>I never got to see it
>Emotionally troubled girl failing this very popular teacher's class
>Somehow thinks her grade will get raised to passing if she accuses him of forcing her to blow
him during a tutoring session
>Makes accusation, teacher immediately arrested, media shitstorm ensues
>Accusation is very specific in terms of when she says this happened
>At the time, about 50 kids were in the room just hanging out with this total bro of a teacher
>Just like every other goddamn morning
>Student protest several hundred strong happens outside of jail
>This one stoner dude with an afro rises to the moment and whips up the crowd into a frenzy,
leads everyone in screaming chants for an hour
>Girl goes on to accuse her father, the CPS case worker on the case, and two cops of rape
>Criminal justice system realizes girl is mental
>She's shipped off to a farm where she'll get to run and play and be happy (or so they tell us)
>All charges dropped
>Teacher Bro still not allowed to teach again because accusations like that against male teachers
never fucking go away
>Teacher Bro's life ruined forever
>Scheduled fire drill
>Early in first period
>Everyone running late pulls into parking lot to see entire school standing outside
>Traffic getting backed up as crowd prevents parking lot entry for late kids and seniors who had
enough credits to not take first period
>HS is one block away from major intersection of two very busy streets
>Morning rush hour in full swing
>Can you say traffic accident?
>Crumpled truck tries to flee scene
>Veers out of intersection, drives on sidewalk and grass to get away
>Comes to a halt at entrance to HS parking lot and can go no further
>Smoke begins billowing from hood
>Driver gets out and runs away
>Entire front half of truck engulfed in flames within five minutes
>Fire department unable to get to flaming truck because of backup and accident
>Teachers and students unable to get back into school because principal locked doors for a copled
locker search
>Everyone huddled against building as far as they can get from the 2008 model Dodge Inferno
>Eventually burned itself out
>foreign exchange student throws party for him and ten people
>posts it on facebook
>five hundred show up
>party of the year
>house destroyed
>quiet finish guy becomes a hero
>deported a week later
>10th grade
>was supposed to be in 11th
>skipping lunch with a bro one day
>no one ever had a fucking cigarette, man
>small town, little houses all around the school
>nigger running, he must be exercising like the other niggers in our town
>see woman walking out of her front door
>she looks at us
>her eyes get wide as fuck
>she trips on something
>"oh shit, run J, we're caught, run while she's down!"
>walk back by 10 minutes later
>she's still on the ground
>point it out to supercool teacher
>"OH SHIT"
>6 teachers run over to her, tell us to stay back
>panic, panic everywhere
>turns out the woman was stabbed in her home by the nigger, and she walked outside to yell for
help. she died in her yard
>mfw my friend and i were probably the last people she ever saw
>grade 11 in high school
>find year book from when I was in year 8
>see friend who left a year ago that no one now remembers
>print off my friend's babyface picture and put up posters
>RIP anon, died from Leukemia
>get access to newsletter and put a full page spread for it
>access weekly assembly speeches
>get Chaplain to do a service in front of school
>entire staff kinda remembers his face and that a kid was real sick this year so goes with it
>commemorative plaque put up in the library with the same picture I used in the posters and in
the newsletter framed above it
>people crying about it and pondering the frailty of life blah blah blah
>friend comes back the next year to finish HS
>sees commemorative plaque
>name is different so it takes him a minute to realise it's him
>laughs and asks how and why I did this
>Freshman Year
>School being remodeled
>Some buildings are being demolished
>Assembly
>Pickles & Cherry Soda contest
>Seniors win because they threw up LAST
>Janitor flips his shit
"I ain't cleaning that up, they're demolishing this building next week anyway."
>The smell spread through the entire school
>By the fourth day a dozen more people were sick
>Puke piles in every hallway
>Janitor had to keep cleaning it up
After the old gym was demolished, they fired him. Lol.
>kids carve swastika in corn field
>USAF jet sees it while making low pass (base was close to our school)
>it makes the news
>people blab
>hate crime hate crime lol hate crime everyone in trouble
>special assembly to educate us on race relations every fucking week for the rest of the year
>black kids get a free pass to do what ever they want for the rest of the year
>jews ignored.
>year later one of the guys charged is found with his head crushed in the woods.
>sitting in math class, 10th grade
>suddenly school goes on lockdown
>someone screams 'there's a bomb in the school!'
>what
>mass fucking panic, people start trying to get out of the room and run
>principle comes on and says to go to nicely
>people crying and screaming, running
>i'm laughing because i don't give a fuck
>we all get sent home
>no bomb in school
>same shit happens next week
>then the week after
>four weeks in a row
>by the fourth week
>happened the same day
>kids planned on it, brought lunch, things to do, etc.
>we could all have died on that last day and no one even cared
>kid that did it was a hick that came from a middle classed family and still posts 'turnt up'
statuses on facebook to this day because the legal system went easy on him due to him being 16
>early 40s male teacher
>ripped, kinda weird but good guy
>listens to weird bands like Staind
>one time made the girl with giant tits do jump rope (dont remember circumstances)
>hear rumor that he may have had sex with a student but they couldnt fire him
>guy quits 2 years later because he was legitimately comforting some girl in study hall who was
crying and trying to calm her down
>fucking bitch was legit psycho and told the school that he touched her
>few years later
>having drinks with an old teacher
>tells me that this other guy had been fucking students (18 years old) for years on the DL and
never been caught
>Late shift in the burger bar next door
>Woman comes in 1 minute before closing time, asking me to make her 10 burgers
>We've already started packing shit but 10 burgers, thats something boss will like so I'm asked to
serve her
>Nobody there with her, apparently she is going to eat them on her own
>Ok I guess
>Make the burgers
>"I need them packed and in a bag or box so I can carry them with me"
>Not sure if we do that, so ask boss
>Boss fetches bag and everything needed to pack it, hands it to woman
>"What am I supposed to do with this????? You're supposed to pack it, not me!!!!"
>Boss; "We're working overtime for your sake, it's not our job to pack these burgers, they're
usually eaten here at the restaurant"
>I refuse to pay then
>She walks off, leaving the 10 burgers behind
>mfw i have no face
>working as escort
>client asks that I "dress appropriately" for dinner
>not a problem, I spend most of my whore money on expensive clothing anyway
>Meet client at designated place, eyeballs me, is actually surprised that I have expensive clothing
even checks the tags
>ohboyherewegoanotherweirdo.jpg
>He does all the ordering, I mind my Ps & Qs
>playing footsie under table
>pays with centurion card (black card), didn't know what it was at the time
>drives back to my place
>vanilla sex, make him cum twice
>offers me like $3k cash if he could get a little rougher
>like the stupid whore I am i say yes
>proceeds to beat the shit out of me
>wake up in own blood and drool, $6k on floor
- damage report
>two black eyes
>broken nose (thats what formed the puddle of blood)
>cracked ribs (he kicked me when I was on the floor)
>bruises on neck (from strangling)
>be freshman in high school
>awkward, but try to be friendly to everyone
>hang out in the library in the mornings before class
>walking around computer section
>see greasy-haired boy looking at hentai on his screen
>"Dude... wh-what are you looking at?"
>why_did_i_engage.jpg
>he gives me a creepy smile and asks if I want to look at some with him
>"N-no."
>walk away, never breathe a word of it to anyone
>a few weeks pass
>in the library again
>"Hey Siggy!" he shouts to me
>know I shouldn't go over to him, but I do anyways because I don't want to be mean
>he shows me what's on his screen
>it's a decapitated girl
>[internally screams]
>"One day I'm going to do this to the people I hate."
>"Oh... o-okay."
>walk away, never breathe a word of it to anyone
/biz/
>went in for group interview at target
>I have a nice shirt on
>have mullet
>manager literally laughs when I walk in
>360 and walk out
>Going ot a game store
>Looking at gaems
>A qt employee aproaches
>ask me if I'm looking for something special
>"N-No just here, looking what I can buy"
>She doens't go
>Getting nervous
>Walks slowly to other section
>She follows me
>ohgod.jpg
>feel like I must buy something
>ended up buying a ps3 gaem
>thanks for buying!
>y-you too
Similar to this >>27365599
OP replied to me, wonder how cactus guy is doing.
> school talent show
> for some reason decide to show off my collection of cacti
> "ok anon it's your turn to go on stage"
> i slowly place all 9 cacti on the ground in front of the audience
> give a short description of each, referring to them by names I made up
> everyone collectively wtfs
> 6 years later, still remembered as 'that cactus guy'
>finally got free time
>passed by family bitching about Romney
>Republican convention today
>don't care
>go to play starcraft 2
>can't log in
>new key code required
>I don't have it
>call tech support
>"Hello, thank you for your support"
>what?
>"Your support for me to become President"
>It's fucking Romney at the convention
>start flipping out
>"Sorry, wrong number"
>hung up as fast as possible
>Be me
>Be at carnival thingie
>Walk past bouncy castle
>Something catches my attention inside
>Hamplanet
>disgonbgud.png
>She's jumping around like a fucking rubber ball
>She gets higher with every bounce
>Her piles of fat jiggle with every hop
>It's like watching jelly
>She gets so high she falls flat on her face
>Hear a loud POP!
>I shit you not, she takes down the ENTIRE bouncy castle with her.
>The whole thing deflates as children run the fuck out.
>A crowd gathers as Hammie just sits there, with a chocolatey smile on her face, deflated bouncy castle
around her.
>"Dat wuz fun."
>Freshman year of high school
>Gym period
>After showers locker rooms are clearing out
>Huh someone forgot their underwear and left it on the floor
>Pick them up
>They're soft
>Hold them closer to my face to see if there's a tag to see what they're made of and what brand
they are
>As I bring them closer I get a whiff of the scent
>Can't help self, cover my nose with them and inhale
>Oh god yes
>stuff them in my pack and go to class
>Over the next few days scent wears off
>But I fucking need it
>When no one is looking swipe the underwear of someone when they're not looking
>Everyday after school I suffocate myself with them while masturbating
>Eventually people notice their underwear going missing
>School officials are alerted
>School narrows it down to someone in my gym period
>Realize I should stop but I'm hooked I need more
>Coach catches me in the act
>Flight or fight response kicks in
>Run out of the locker room hand clenching my trophy as tight as a I can
>Coach follows
>Security notices
>Tackles me
>Coach is trying to take away my prize
>NOPE
>They rip
>Brought to the principals office carrying ripped panties while crying
>Tier one sex offender
>cute girl moved in next door to me
>she hasn't npotuiced me
>i watch her walk her dog out my window
>so i decidided to make her dog a nice meal
>Made the dog a plate of pasta and meatballs with gravy
>left it on her steps in a takeout style box with a note saying "For the big guy enjoy"
>anyway today her bodyfriend who i didnt even know existed came over and confronted me.
>apparently a neighbor saw me put the food there
>I explained I wanted to do something nice, he said It was dumb and never do it again
>be about 5 or younger
>be sleeping next to mom and dad
>get on top of my mother and start grinding since I didn't know how to have sex
>she asks what I'm doing
>say having sex
>she starts laughing and I get off
>dad was just giggling
>be embarrassed and try to fall asleep as fast as possible
>be traveling through Iowa for work
>in bumfuck nowhere on some road no one ever travels down
>diarrhea strikes with the strength of the Death Star
>desperately search for a gas station
>sweating and nearly crying because I have to shit so bad
>find some gas station next to a creek
>run in and ask where their bathroom is
>guy behind the counter explains that it isn't connected to the station, but down a path out back a
little ways
>hands me the keys
>walk around back
>it had been raining heavily for weeks before, so the creek had overflowed
>notice water touching the sides of the outhouse bathroom
>don't think too much of it
>open door
>there is three steps down into the small bathroom, and at least a foot of water
>water was halfway up my shins
>reeked like shit and disease
>too late, I'm committed now
>wade over to the toilet to shit
>while I'm shitting, notice a turd floating in the nasty ass floor water
>ever so slowly, this thing is floating towards me
>my shit is now a race against time before the turd gets to me
>rocket shit as hard as I can
>wipe my ass and get the fuck out of there
>pants are soaked
>run into the gas station with the key
>guy from the counter looks at me and says "what happened, you fall in?" and chuckles
>die a little inside
>16
>go to a halloween party
>dressed like a ninja
>no one knows it's me
>take the opportunity to act like a bit of a strumpet
>flirting hard with a dude dressed as Batman
>sucha sexy chin
>hnng
>we slip off to a room alone
>he takes off the bottom of my costume
>takes off my panties
>starts eating me out
>freaking amazing
>O after a bit
>go to reciprocate
>take out his dick
>start blowing him
>this is hard to do with my fucking mask still on
>pull mask off my head
>Batman gasps and throws himself backwards
>nearly falls trying to pull up his pants
>think I hurt him
>oh god I'm sorry what'd I do
>he hisses "X it's ME"
>pulls off his mask
>my cousin
>the horror
>swear we'll never tell anyone
>he won't even leave the room because he doesn't want people to see us coming out together
>climbs out the window onto the roof and jumps down
>people in the yard go nuts thinking it's a cool Batman stunt
>guy runs inside yelling that Batman is awesome
>someone sees me and yells SHE HOOKED UP WITH BATMAN
>DUDE WHO IS HE?
>fucking run
>THIS NINJA BITCH IS AWESOME TOO
>run all the way home
>put ninja costume in the back of my closet
>people eventually figure out my cousin was batman
>thinks he's a legend for hooking up then bailing out the window
>no one has found out I'm the ninja
>people still talk about it like it was the best thing to ever happen
>pretty awkward.
>Be 12 in school
>Early 2000's camera phones started coming out
>Porn begins spreading around the school
>Set cream pie photo as phone wallpaper
>Forget to change it back and mom see's it (she liked to check my phone for bullying).
>Looses her shit and confiscates my phone for a month.
>be 14.
>Saturday.
>Parents are away all day .
>I am home alone with my brother who is 9 years old.
>I am looking for crap in my room and I find some fireworks that haven't been used.
>They were the kind that are like a small round ball and when you light them they spray sparkler stuff
everywhere.
>Brother is down stairs watching tv and as I go down stairs i pass his room and see his pet rat in its
cage.
>I get a great idea.
>I attatch some extra fuse to the firework and tape it to the rat.
>I carry the cage outside and put it on the grass.
>The rat was freaking out trying to get to its bed through a small hole but was being stopped by the
firework taped to its back.
>I run and get a lighter from the kitchen and tell him to come outside.
>I sprint back to the cage in the backyard and light the fuse as I hear my brother running around the
corner.
>The rat starts freaking the fuck out smelling the smokee from the fuse.
>as my brother comes runs towards the cage I throw him on the ground and lie on him as we watch the
fuse get smaller and smaller.
>Just before the fuse lights the firework I let my brother up.
>he takes 2 steps before the firework going off in the cage.
>he is able to do nothing as the rat dies, the firework also melted parts of the lid of the cage.
>seeing him wanting to save it and unable to do anything was quite a site.
>sparks filled the entire cage making it impossible to see but seeing him slump once they had disspated
leaving a burnt rat was kinda cool.
>go to an all boys high school and be 17
>not much opportunity to meet girls
>one of my friends is on the school chess team
>I hear that they are going to be vs ing a girls school and he really likes a girl on the opposing team
who is apparently hot as fuck (she was)
>I am pretty damn good at chess myself and have popped in to play with them in the past
>rock up at 5pm and see that most of the games have finished
>friend and girl have finished playing and he is making awkward conversation
>"What's up ________, how did you go?" I say to my mate
>Not too well he says smiling which is odd because normally he gets cut up over a loss in chess.
>"too bad" I say and eventually convince him for a game and get him to introduce me to the girl.
>play both of them at once, beat both of them simultaneously and then invite the girl out for something
to eat.
>she agrees
>leave friend there, go to a park make out...
>The friend however had to stay behind with his team but it wraps up at 6pm and I know he lives
nearby and has to walk past the park to get to his house which is close by.
>6:10 it is fairly dark, nobody is in park, I am on a bench getting head.
>I see my friend walk along the path, while stroking the back of the girls hair I wave at him and give
him the thumbs up.
>He looks at me half waves back and trudges off looking at the ground.
>He ended up taking that girl to the formal too. She never knew he saw it.
>be at college a few years ago
>digital media course
>there's one weeby brony-type dude
>greasy matted mudslick hair, trenchcoat, fedora, Hellsing obsession
>group video project rolls around
>weeb is chosen to "act" in his group's project
>halfway through filming he calls the other guys in his group
>"hey guys we're gonna have a pretty obvious continuity error, I washed my hair last night"
>Finally buy a phone, means portable fapping
>Go to friend's house to play vidya
>Have the urge
>Say I'm going to the bathroom, I need to take a shit
>Go and commence fapping
>Be in there for five minutes
>Be in there for ten minutes
>Half an hour goes by and I'm finally finished
>Come back and he's giggling
wtf.jpeg
>Ask what's up, he responds
"You know I could see you in there right?"
>My face turns bright red
>He replies with
"It's fine I don't judge"
>I let out a breath of relief
>2 hours later his little brother walks in
"Hey anon, gonna fap later again?"
>My friend told his brother, who told his parents
I am never allowed back
I refuse to talk to him
Goddammit
>In love with friend
>House party, everyone is really drunk
>Somehow end up in a taxi with this girl, going back to her place
>In her bedroom, getting steamy
>Stomach starts spinning
>Close to bursting
>The most brutal diarrhea in T-Minus 60 seconds
>"I'll be right back"
>I run in to her bathroom, but I realise that she will be able to hear me aggressively shitting from
the bedroom
>Grab a toilet roll and sneak outside
>Nowhere hidden to shit, cant wait
>On the pavement RIGHT in front of her house I unleash the most terrible shit ever produced by
man
>Finish up and look back and this huge shit puddle and realise what I've done
>Sneak back in to house, she is waiting at the top of the stairs
>"Where have you been? Why do you have that toilet roll?"
>Freeze up
>Can't say a word, we just stand there in silence for literally 3-4 minutes
>End up sleeping in bed with her that night, no xxx
>Next morning
>Leave early, she stays in bed
>Literally cowering under the covers at home
>Eventually get a text
>"Don't ever contact me again, I had to clean up your fucking shit. Freak."
100th one, probably last for the night. (multi-part for you guys)
> There's a dog on my street known as "Fatboy", He's kind of the hood mascot.
> this fatass British Bulldog, you can hear him coming because he wheezes and grunts as he
walks.
> Fatboy is chill as fuck, he likes to visit peoples houses.
> He visits my house 3-5 days out of the week for a few hours at a time.
> I usually give him a piece of chicken and whatever healthy leftovers I have.
> His favorite meal is garlic rice and chicken.
> He naps, I rub his belly, then he goes on his merry way to another persons house.
> He has done this as long as I've lived here, almost 7 years.
> Fatboys owner is this super nice old man who has this huge as fuck house at the end of the
street.
> He mows peoples lawns for free when he's bored, he has one of those ride-on things
> I kind of consider it payment for feeding his fatass dog most days, kind of like an unspoken
thanks
> The hood is peaceful, the hood is good, everyone gets along, everyone knows everyone, old
man at the top of the road is the king
> He invites us peasants to his house every summer to eat his food and lounge in his pool, I look
forward to that invite. It's nice.
(1/?)
>>27365942
Actually it's the 99th one so I'll add another after this
(2/?)
> Then, the Jew Family attacked.
> A Jewish family moved in mid-march, and they are assholes with 3 asshole kids. Loud.
Obnoxious. Spiteful.
> The husband is a divorce lawyer and thinks he's some kind of god because he drives a 7 year
old Lexus.
> The house-wife is now trying to be a local "community leader" and keeps trying to get the hood
to do things that only she wants doing (Lets raise money to have flowers on my side of the
street). She's an uppity shit-stirring cunt who thinks her kids can do no wrong.
> Catch one of their fatass kids chasing FatBoy with a water pistol 2 weeks ago, tell him to knock
it off and pick on someone his own size.
> "HE WAS TRYINA GED'INTA MUH HOUSE! HE WUZ GROWLIN!"
> "Don't lie to me kid. He sat on your porch. He sits on everyones porch and that dog has never
growled at anyone. If I go and sit on your porch are going to squirt water at me?"
> "I dunno!"
> "No, you wouldn't. If I catch you squirting that dog again I'm going to take that water gun and
empty the whole bottle on your head.
> Fatboy runs into my house, I point at the kid and say "Go home." and close the door.
>>27365948
(3/?)
> A week later I'm sitting in my livingroom watching GoT after work and I hear that same kid shouting "Get it! It's running!"
> I look out of my window and 2 of those kids are chasing Fatboy again, one with a water gun (the one I caught last week) and the other (lanky/skinny older brother) with a fucking paintball gun
> OHNOYOUDIDNT.JPG
> Grab my Master Chief helmet out of my closet, go outside, shout "Fatboy! Come!", fatboy comes running towards my house, covered in paint and water. He runs past me and hides under my stairs.
> The kids freeze, the little one pipes up
> "What? You can't do nothin!"
> They start acting smug, throwing their arms up. the older one grabs his crotch and then points
the paintball gun at me and shouts "Do somethin! Fuckin' Pussy!" Trying to be some kind of faggot gangster, throwing spock signs at me
>>27365966
> smile, put my chief helmet on and charge towards the oldest as fast as I can
> Lanky starts firing at me, his accuracy is appaling, manages to hit my stomach, leg and graze the top of the helmet
> As I reach the halfway point, Fatty has finished pumping his gun and starts spraying me, It's oddly refreshing.
> Lanky yelps "Oh shit!" and starts trying to move backwards and shoot, at this point he's missing me by a meter each direction
> As I draw in the coward turns around to run, I grab his shirt and throw him to the ground, he shoots my mask at point blank range and covers the visor in paint
> I wrestle the gun off of him and nail him in the foot
> Throw off the mask
> Aim at the fat one running and pop a few balls, manage to hit him in the back of the leg
> He goes down like a sack of shit and breaks his water gun.
> Pick up the mask, look down at lanky and say "Gonna call me a pussy again, pussy?"
> He sits there, not saying a word
> Empty the unspent balls out of the hopper next to him
> Walk back to my house
> "Hey! Gimmie back my gun!"
> Close the door, don't give a fuck, gotta catch up on season 3.
> An hour later, loud thudding on my door
> A jew horde is outside my door, all 5 of them
> The housewife is beating on the glass so loud you'd think I was giving something away for free.
> "GET OUT HERE YOU SONUVABITCH! I KNOW YOUAH FUKKIN IN THERE! YOU FUCKING PSYCHO! GET OUT HERE AND FACE ME!"
> As soon as I open my door she comes charging at me
> Gets right in my face and starts screaming as loud as possible that I'm a psycho, her jowels are wobbling so violently as she speaks I can't think of anything but Jabba the hut.
> "You attacked my poor defenceless boys and you're gonna fuckin pay you sicko, I'm gonna sue you for everythin ya'v ghat!"
> "Oh? Do you have any proof? Any prints? Any Video?"
> "I don't need it! I've got photos of their injuries!
> "That doesn't prove I did anything"
>>27365988
(5/?)
> My neighbour comes out from her porch (50 y/o, nice lady, no kids, 1 divorce, likes to do yoga in her underwear.)
> "I've got the whole thing recorded on my phone."
> "AAAH-HAH!" Jabba the Jew shrieks "GOTCHA NOW! I WANT A COPY OF HIM ASS-SALTING MY KIDS!"
> She turns to me and says "I HOPE YOU'VE GOT A GOOD LAWYER!"
> "Erm, no. I have video and audio footage of your children shooting paintballs and water at a scared defenceless old dog and then provoking this gentleman by pointing a water-gun and sports weapon at him and hurling abuse at him. Then shooting at him as he approached them. If he hadn't been wearing a mask your son could have shot his eyes out. He only took the weapon away from the child and I'll testify on his behalf if you try anything funny!"
> My neighbour turns to me and says "You should take pictures of what they did to Fatboy too, and your bruises. You can't be too careful with people like her."
> Jabbas face goes beet red, as if she'd missed a sale on toilet paper and fried chicken.
> She turns to her husband
> "HAROLD AREN'T YOU GOING TO SAY ANYTHING!?" \
> He looks at me, shrugs and says "You obviously have the upper hand here. Is there any way you'll forgive and forget this?"
> Jabba looks at her husband with a face full of fury, as if he'd just eaten the last slice of kosher cheese
> "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? HE HURT YOUR SONS AND YOU WANT TO MAKE A DEAL!?"
> "He has video evidence, a witness and presumably a clean record, what do we have?"
> He turns back to me. "aah, Anon, right? Can I call you Anon?"
> "Mr. Anon"
> "Mr. Anon. I'm sorry for what's happened here, all of it. I'll make sure my boys leave your dog alone from now on and as punishment for shooting at you please keep Lankeys paintball thing."
>>27366004
(6/6)
> The looks on the kids face was priceless, the gear I'd taken off of him turned out to be worth around $500 stripped down.
> "I'll also pay for any vetinary treatment for your dog, do we have a deal?"
> "Throw in $100 for repairing my helmet and you've got a deal."
> Jabba Shrieks "$100!? IT PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN COST THAT MUCH!"
> Harold shushes her "That's completely fine, I'll drop it off tomorrow morning. Are we settled?"
> "I want an apology from both of your boys for shouting abuse at me, and for shooting at me, they can apologise to Fatboy too."
> "Fatboy?"
> I called Fatboy, he grunted out from my livingroom and sat next to me on my porch.
> The kids reluctantly apologized to both of us, then the jew horde turned to walk away
> Jabba sneared at me "I bet you're feeling pretty good about all of this"
> I smiled and shook my head, "I'll forward the invoice for his vet bill to your house, have a great evening"
> The next day I woke up to $100 in a bag through my door, made an unnecessary vet appointment for fatboy to get all of his latest shots/teeth cleaning/health check ($210) and with the money I took my neighbour out to dinner.
> We ate mexican food and I taught her how to pirate old music and movies.
100th then
>tfw work at pharmacy
>have to tell crackheads on the phone they can't have their oxycontin filled for another 5 days (government monitors everything and we get in shit if we fill early)
>they come anyway
>they proceed to freak out in the pharmacy
>large male coworker hides in the back and leaves me (a little asian girl) to deal with them
>just give them a blank look
>life is suffering
And there you have it, probably won't post here again for a year or so. (or tomorrow, no clue)
>100 stories of 100 people you may never meet
Have a good night /r9k/
