>>27393977
I don't particularly like my family and I have little contact with them. I don't hate them and I don't even dislike them, but I just don't feel any real connection to them. I'm pretty much a stranger to them. Whenever I talk to them on the phone we inevitably end up talking about the weather because we have nothing else in common. They call me, I never call them or even think about calling them. I have failed to live up to their expectations, and they're clearly disappointed in that. I imagine they have great difficulty in talking with other couples about me, for example if asked "and how is your son doing these days?" they really don't have an answer to give beyond "he's working at <workplace_name_here>". They don't really know more than that about me. My sister thinks I'm a loser and doesn't do a good job at hiding it. I think she expects me to earn more money and take a more active role in planning for my parents eventual retirement and death. I don't really see why I should. They all earn higher incomes than I'll ever earn and yet have made terrible financial decisions leaving themselves drowning in debt. I've tried explaining their mistakes, but they don't respect my opinions enough to change their behavior. If I have a financial responsibility to my family it feels more transnational in nature than an emotional bond. Like I owe them monetary compensation for raising me.

>>27394006
I don't feel any loyalty to my country anymore. I did once, because I was naive and lacked sufficient information about the nature of my countrymen. I even served in the army. But it became clear that as a soldier I was held in the same sort of patronizing contempt as a special education child, or a paroled criminal; someone who, when you encounter them, you force a smile on your face as a defense mechanism. A dangerous defective person who you have to protect yourself against. I was just as embarrassed to have to deal with the public while in uniform as they were to have to mutter tired platitudes to me. The army and political leadership also routinely sabotaged, undermined, and betrayed the efforts that they publicly professed to support unquestioningly. Mentally deranged criminals were promoted, and honest capable leaders were court-martialed. Being earnest in your belief in the mission and believing in the integrity of military and political leadership meant you were a fool. The entire war was fought for the sake of appearances.

>>27394018
I don't believe in democracy. Not because of politicians, but because of the premise: that people are capable of making good decisions about policies determining the future of their country. In every western country, over and over, we see voters making terrible decisions. These people have access to all human knowledge at the push of a button, and they still can't be trusted to make rational well informed decisions. I used to consider myself a aligned with a political party, but it's clear now that every party's voting bloc is made up of the same idiots. Emotional, irrational, intellectually bankrupt cheats and liars who will gleefully put dissenters into camps given the opportunity. Again, the voters are the problem, not the politicians. Politicians are just taking advantage of predictable group psychology: expect people to act like complete short-sighted idiots and plan your campaign accordingly. Nothing will ever improve, ever, because we're just gibbering shit-flinging screeching apes, utterly incapable of self-rule. Democracy is only maintained because it is an inherently stable system. The majority of people will resign themselves to eating shit for dinner so long as they believe that had a hand in choosing the meal. Doesn't matter if anyone actually has a say or not; maintaining the appearance of choice is sufficient to maintain the system regardless of how terrible the outcome of that system.

>>27394045
There isn't a single living person or group to which I feel any kinship. But I don't have any ill will to anyone; I just don't care about anyone else. I'm not a sociopath; I have morals. But I can't find any logical basis for my morality, beyond simply having been infused with it during my formative years. The morals I have are demonstrably wrong. Fairy tales, fables, children's shows, etc, all teach the same lessons and pretty much all the conclusions are false. I have never stolen anything, I will never steal anything. But I recognize that hundreds of thousands or even millions of people in this country routinely steal things and face zero repercussions. They have more, I have less, and nothing bad will happen to them as a result. There is no god that will punish them. There is no supernatural force of karma that will affect them in the slightest. Skilled thieves can profit immensely with very little risk; only unskilled thieves face repercussions. Therefore I have to logically conclude that thievery makes perfect sense for those that are good at theft. To those people, stealing is not wrong. To those people stealing is a positive good. I still can't do it myself, because my own brain would punish me with guilt for violating the morals imposed on me as a child.

>>27394058
If everyone receives the same exposure to childhood media and morality, then there is an inherent strength in those that can resist its imposition or break it after it has been imposed. People who can simultaneously believe that stealing is wrong while stealing without remorse. People who can be caught red-handed and deny their crime will still holding the murder weapon, and truly believe their own lies. There is an undeniable strength in that. To know the rules, to break the rules, and still be able to scream in genuine outrage when someone else gets caught doing the same. If you are skilled at rule-breaking there is enormous potential there. Wealth, friends, women, power, anything you can get away with. The world I see is the result of competition between individuals with varying degrees of that strength. I lack that strength entirely, and am therefore at their mercy. This is utterly terrifying. I feel like an ant crawling across the floor of a classroom, wondering if someone will step on me and if they will do so out of malice or just because I was under their foot.

>>27393977
Uh, okay. What's your point. Do you have a point? I didn't identify one.

Upvoted anyway.

>>27393977
It's hard to have motivation to find friends if you only had bad experiences with them and someone that has had plenty of bad experiences, suffering and disappointments like you it's understable and even natural that you'd someday become tired and end up finding these sort of political and social conventions stressing and pointless - especially when you apparently don't need them - but you still want someone to share your thoughts hence you are here writing this - I suppose.

I also suppose you grew up alone and sheltered, gathering some informations here and there by yourself, with minimal social interation as possible, building up dreams and expectations for yourself just to realize all the cruel web of lies and disappointments that is the world you live in. And at some point you decided to separate yourself from the people, even the ones of your family. Maybe they were disappointing to you? You definitely don't seem to understand the system very well - the army is a place suited for people that know why they are there. No surprise, your failures at home reflect succesfully your failures on life in general.

Since you don't seem very happy with your actual situation I think you should go to a travel, see life going on, see the different animals in the wilderness, meet different people, far from everyone you know. You got nothing to lose anyway so try new things for a change. Unless you want to live like that for the rest of your life, and if that's the case then I'm sorry. If this offers any comfort, you'll probably last a lot less than a normal person would.