For a long time I have been comfortable with how isolated and lonely I am. I embraced it and learned to live with it. But something happened and I have been feeling really panicked for the last few days. Really lonely and sad and anxious about how lonely and sad I am.
It is unbearable this morning. I can't focus on anything else long enough to distract myself. My chest hurts from the anxiety. I'm not suicidal, but I am starting to wish I could just not be alive anymore.
I'm starting to feel scared.
Does anyone have experience with this situation? If I go to an urgent care will they be able to give me something for anxiety/depression?
I don't have a family doctor so I can't make an appointment. I don't want to go to the ER because I don't want to be admitted to a psych ward.
I don't have any friends or family I can call. I just have coworkers. I don't know what to do.
I get like that sometimes, OP. I don't know what to offer you for help, since there isn't any, and normie faggots aren't going to help you. Therapists will never help you anyway. Don't waste your time, money or hopes.
When I feel like that, it's like I suddenly realize how small I am compared to everything happening, and that I'm going to get pinched between the gears of the world and torn apart without anyone knowing or caring. The thought of it becomes terrifying and debilitating, and I can't help but hate that I exist in the first place and that I have to know how utterly unimportant I am without delusion.
I think this will pass for you. It happened to be after a severe illness, and lasted a few weeks. Give it time, and try to do the things that you know will make you at least distracted. The feeling should pass eventually.
Being human is being miserable.
>>27370636
Thank you. It happened after an illness for me, too. I just got over being really sick for the last few weeks and now that I'm not ill all I can think about is how alone I am and that if I had died the only person who would have cared is my boss because she would be pissed about having to replace me without any notice. And for some reason thinking about that makes my chest hurt really bad. Like I'm having a heart attack, but not really.
>Distract yourself bro, it'll help
Problem is still there goof, just face it. There's nothing you need to do about it anyways, since there is no solution.
>>27370695
I get it. I'd just been in the hospital, and my life had already been garbage before that, and suddenly, all that fear welled up and culminated in the realization that my death would mean nothing, I'd done nothing, that I was really just nothing, and everyone else was nothing when they died too. I felt shaky and terrified all day, I didn't want to be alone; I didn't want my mother to go to work or my dad to leave the house. I sat with our pets so I wouldn't be alone all day and tried not to cry.
It wasn't even a super serious illness or anything (though I technically could've died), it was just that combined with the other problems in my life putting what I am into painful perspective. Along with that animal fear of possibly death that has no logical manner of calming. You struggle and break down and grieve.
So, give it a bit of time, OP. I felt like that too, like my body was weak and stricken, I didn't want to eat or be awake, etc.
This may seem a weird suggestion, but watch some nature documentaries. Seeing the brutal and unforgiving logic and beauty of the animal world is breathtaking and calming.
>>27370768
Nature documentaries don't sound half bad. Thanks for sharing. I feel just like that. Do not want to be alone. I'm thinking about going to the zoo or something just to be around other people. Or maybe buying a pet today. I don't really know.
>>27370586
You have started the transition to a robot. Now there's no going back. Once you feel the living emptyness taking over inside you you will begin to wonder why you're here, or why anything exist at all, and you will start questioning your senses, and lastly you will begin questioning the origin of the universe and life only to find out that the answer is impossible to reach and objectivity and the reality as we know it may be a lie. You have no purpose anymore, or at least you came to the realization that the very idea of having a purpose is futile and unnecessary in itself. That's when full human deconstruction happens. We've all been through that.
You are having an existential crisis of sorts - you certainly don't seem used to the lonely life. But again there's no coming back or hope for you if you are here anyway.
>>27370861
Good luck anon. If this the first time you've felt this, and it's after an illness, I suspect it will pass or at least subside, as mine did.
>>27370586
I can't help you with this specific situation, but if you want to other robots about how you feel, we have a nice little skype group going on. We'd be glad to listen. It's not much, but it might distract you for a little bit.
If you're not interested, that's ok. I wish you the best.
>>27370586
Find yourself a small community that's willing to accept you, it will eventually give you the same satisfaction as having friends and you might even find yourself looking forward to the chats you'll have.
