>>27276957
>suicide thread no. 653
Wake up to yourself. Once your dead none of that shit will matter.

>>27276957
Suicide is for fucking pussies.

>>27276957
Postponing might do you some good though. Gives you time to think and get distracted.

Just think about whatever or do whatever. Maybe everyday ask yourself why you want to kill yourself. If you don't have an answer that particular day, ask yourself the same thing the next day. If you can't figure out why you want to die after awhile, then you really don't want to die.

An alternative is to ask yourself if you want to die on that particular day.

As for distraction, pick up a game and play it, work on some music if you're a musician, write if you're so inclined, go out for a walk when it's a particularly nice day, etc. You get the picture, just do something that gets your mind off wanting to kill yourself.

Those are just some suggestions though, I'm not gonna try and stop you or talk you down. The decision to end your life is up to you.

>>27277050
It all depends
>>27276979
Hmm true

>>27277087
Not really, atleast if you're going to kill yourself do some batshit crazy stuff. I'm talking bomb someshit or pull a virginia tech before you kill yourself. At Least make yourself known before you die.

>>27277221
>>27277221
keep that retarded edgy teenager attitude for yourself

>>27277294
Found the pussy ass cuck

>>27277323
Sure mate, how is 3rd grade?

>>27277339
Pretty great, slaying all this 8 year old poon

I told myself that I was postponing suicide for my parent's sake, once. And then it was like... well, I'm living for them so what else might make them happy. So I went to the gym, burned 50 pounds, have noob gains, whole /fit/ shit. At this point it went from living for them to "this isn't that bad though", and idk when I hit that point but you can actually transition off the living for mommy crutch if you put in some work.

>>27277523
I see what you mean

Really not my case, i'm not living for them.

I wanna do it asap desu,,i don't want to reconsider and watch my life become shittier and shittier.

I changed for the worst,too late to salvage shit. I don't know about you guys because we reallly don't come from the same place. It might sound pathetic,but i prefer to die than to live a mediocre senseless life.
Let's say you used to be mediocre,socially anxious wreck with the lowest self esteem,etc. Then you realize some stuff, you put 100% of your time and energy into improving yourself,your mind set,work ethic,habits,personality,aiming high,blabla

Your whole life changes for the better, life never felt as great, your gpa is perfect,you do it with ease,you're about to get into pharmacy school,you have so many plans for the future,you're a whole different person.

Then some major health issue out of your control wrecks you for like crazy for a year (You don't think you'll ever feel something as wrecking as that unless you get some fucked up terminal disease or you become an homeless alchoholic who lost everything he once had). When you finally figure out everything and the cause (no more health issue), you're a complete wreck. You used to get A+'s with ease,now you struggle to get C's with easier classes.

You try to get back what you had,you just can't. Well the progress is fucking slow,you are back to square 0. You hate what you are,you can't become what you were,no more bright future. As long as you stay as mediocre as you currently are,your life will be a total disaster.

The doors are now closed forever, all your goals that made you improve yourself in the first place can't be achieved anymore.

You decide that such a life isn't worth living when you compare it to what you used to be and where you were going. So you decide to end it before things get worse and you end up hating the person you are even more

>>27277523
Dude I'm the same fuckin boat. realized that the feeling of shittiness all these edgy fucks have is all mental. I have "clinical depression" that all started surfacing like 5 years ago when my sister was murdered. All the counselors and MAOI's/Lithium prescriptions didn't do shit but make me ride an emotional rollercoaster. I hit the gym one day out of peer pressure and something just clicked. The endorphin rush from intense workouts was better than the painkillers I used to buy in High School. Preworkouts are cheat codes, and get you jacked and ready to go, and are fucking amazing. Try it OP, just once, and do it right, get addicted to that shit. Suicide is such a pussy way out and I'm upset that I was at that point.

>>27277615
I understand preferring death over a mediocre, senseless life, and r9k definitely gets it. You see this place, all the sarcastic wagecuck threads and all these threads on about woman being devils? Anyways, we are coming from a different place, a different view. For the record, Intimately understand staring into the endless void and preferring that to this world. I guess it just starts with the idea that you've got nothing, so you've got nothing to lose. With nothing to lose, it's every bit as arguable to conclude that you may as well give life another shot. And that's all it is, philosophies to view the world with.

Given what you're writing, it sounds like you've changed, like you've become a different person throughout all of this. You've also overcome it, even if you aren't seeing that, which makes you a stronger, more experienced person going forward in life if you choose to not end it. So maybe the future wasn't what you used to imagine it to be, but that doesn't mean you can't aim for something else. Shit happens and plans inevitably fail. A part of life is winging it, regardless of chad or bot status. Finally... your last sentence really gets at what I'm getting at. You're stuck on the past, where you thought you were supposed to go, and that's killing your present and future (figuratively and literally.) You're stuck wondering why you're here and not there, but why are you so sure that the there you used to dream of is the best/only option for you? It's fine to be scared that you're here instead of there, but that doesn't mean you kill yourself just because you're afraid. It isn't about what's fair; you don't need what's fair. People who kill themselves are people that *need* fair and people who are bots are people that weather storms in their lives, because fair isn't what they really need. Not bots.

Try to remember how to dream.

>>27277853
And that's good to hear. It took awhile for the gym to feel homely, mostly during the whole 50 pounds of fat burning, but it does now.

>>27277888

you are right i guess. You know, since december my health issues are gone. I was DEPRESSED AS FUK till like mid february, my motivation came back. Had to get back my mindset,work ethic ,habits ,so many things.

1 month later, after repeated failures, i'm not even 1/15th of what i used to be. Still mediocre but not as mediocre as i was in the past months,i'm improving myself but the progress is too slow. My work ethic is still mediocre,so are my habits. My mindset is way better tho.

So anyway, things were probably gonna work out in the end, just needed more time to recover fully. Well i just failed a class (pretty sure of it), my whole road is over now. No more medschool or pharmschool. These are the only things that pushed me on my "quest" to become a great human being,these are the things that gave me an insane motivation to change everything about myself when i was shitty. Now that they are gone, it seems like i'm doomed to stay mediocre

I really doubt i'll find something else man. I was already struggling a lot to get my shit back together when it was still possible. Now with no motivation? Shit man...i know myself,it'll just go downhill

If i dont end it,i know how things will go. Ill go into nursing school (Only healthcare job i can still get into that gives a good salary but desu it does not interest me), i'll most likely hate it, be a lazy unmotivated mediocre slob, i'll fail classes because my work-ethic is non-existant right now and i doubt it'll come back now that i have nothing to really look foward to. Even if i manage to pass,i'll fucking hate the work, surrounded by gossiping females and shit,i'll be unmotivated,no discipline,i'll survive to survive,no point in that, i'll hate myself, they'll hate me. I'll surely get kicked out sooner or later,

Whatever man, nothing positive awaits for me anymore. I hate thinking about the past tho, my life felt so fucking great,i never felt as alive as that. The contrast will destroy me inside.

>>27278253
Okay, I'm not going to waste a ton of time responding to the mopey dribble you've given. Here's the deal. You can call up the heads of your department, explain the shit that went down in your life and how you're compromised emotionally and how that fucked your sememester. You tell them you're talking to a psychologist now, which you would actually be doing, and that the guy did diagnose you as depressed or whatever. What would happen, possibly/likely, is that they wash the whole semester off your record and you can take some time off to get your head on straight. And then you have another chance at pharm, one that you legitimately gave your all to instead of half-assed like you did this semester. If pharm is that important, you'd fight for it. Fighting is painful, but so is this mopey half-state.

>>27278423
And one more thing, if it takes you buying a gun, driving around the country and flipping a coin to find the will to live, and I mean really live instead of passively breathing, then do it. If you need to hit your rock bottom then hit it already. Some point is going to be your rockbottom, be it right now where you say never again will it be this bad, or when you suckstart a shotgun, or when you decide last second that you won't. Some point has to be the low point.

>>27277853
What's a preworkout?

Please go shoot up a school, normies are all emotionless sadists, they're too dangerous to have around, please take as many of them as you can with you.

>>27278574

How is high school going? Did chad bully you this week?

>>27278455

I already hit from november to january

I don't think i'll ever feel as weak and powerless as that

Don't get me wrong, i might think that suicide is the best option but i'm not really depressed. I'm doing way better than the past months but i'm still shit compared to what i used to be a year ago

Thanks for the advice about department stuff but it won't work. I already dealt with them concerning medical issues, i know how it works. Once you have taken an exam, you can't retake it,no matter what. I had medical issues last semester and th semester before that. I didn't have any this semester, it's just that i lost everything i had built for myself,without these things,i'm mediocre.

Anyway,thanks for the hindsight. What do you think about the "mom depressed" thing?

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>>27278693
It's 4 AM and I'm tired. Uh, I think mom being depressed is unfortunate, idk? You're probably not mad at her really but a little bit angry that she birthed you into the world, and thinking that it's your life and you have the right to take it no matter what it makes her feel. I uh, don't think you're a mediocre person, as you know you're capable of more, but you are a person doing mediocre things. But this isn't you. And even if it was, you're going to kill yourself because what, pharms doesn't pan out? Because there's literally no other reason for you to live? That's insane. I mean yeah, being suicidal is "technically" insane but there's sound reasons for wanting to die. But because of pharm? That is not one. Putting all your eggs in one basket, you were playing with fire from the beginning. And what would have happened if your medical whatever didn't happen, you got through and became a pharm, and it wasn't what you dreamed of, and it was long, boring hours that began to kill you on the inside everyday, day after day, but you were "in too deep" to quit so you just sucked it up and were miserable. And maybe that wouldn't have happened, but maybe it would've, and then what? Then are you just in too deep, and you won't fight for your happiness then, just as you won't now? Would you really have been a stronger person in that universe to have stood up for yourself, or would you be doing the same crap you're doing here? You didn't give this your all, you convinced yourself you were 1/5 the man you used to be before you even tried, you set yourself up for failure. And surprise, you failed, so you're going to kill yourself now? It's just so... not convincing. Maybe you fooled yourself, but a self-fulfilling prophecy as an excuse to kill yourself doesn't fool me.
So, I'm going to sleep and this thread will 404 by the time I wake up probably. I don't think you've hit rock bottom yet, though, but you will soon if you keep going this way.

>>27278895

Well with the lack of info you have, i can understand that you'd think this way. It's more complicated than that

No, I dont feel like ending it simply because i didnt get accepted into pharm, it's because i'll never get what i had in the past and without it i'm doomed to failed. I could have failed the pharm psychometrist test or the med interview, wouldn't that be that much of a deal, i'd be a whole different person

And lol,sorry but you have no fucking idea on how intense i was. You don't have an insane work-ethic by "not giving it your all" Being able to easily do blocs of 4-8 hours without breaks,very disciplined,being at the top of your promotion and shit

Tell me about how "half-assed" i tried but building that work ethic took me weeks,few months.

Now that i lost everything and could barely study for a whole year, throw me back in the game with no work ethic, i gotta work everything from the start.I got to restart the whole process again. I didn't get it back in time.Even at this point,even if it was still possible, i'd need maybe 2-3 more weeks to start getting somewhere,still very far from what i used to be but i would not be 100% mediocre anymore. And as i said, i already made progress,just not enough,not fast enough.

I don't wanan end it because i didnt get in pharm or med. I wanna end it because now that it's not possible, there's no way in hell that i'll manage to get back what i used to have.Without these things,i'm doomed to be mediocre. I know myself, i know what i used to be before i started skyrocketing, i know what i currently am,i know what it took to skyrocket

You'd have to have all the details to understand that i'm far from fooling myself. i don't need to fool a random stranger on the internet,.

Anyway i know i risk becoming more and more mediocre,which is why i want to end it in the following weeks. Instead of waiting till it happens. In any case,thanks for sharing your opinion