When they say if you remain a virgin until 30, you become a wizard, could it be true? What if using your sexual energy in a certain way could give you powers that you couldn't possibly imagine. What if setting the condition that you won't have sex, and harnessing your sexual energy past age 30 are the wizard powers you guys talk about? I think its true, all of it. At age 19, I've gotten /fit/, yet girls still don't want me. I think if I just strive to be a wizard, and keep lifting and training, I can use my sexual energy to become an incredibly powerful wizard.
I can attest, from personal experience, that it is not true. Being an old male virgin doesn't give you any power, doesn't allow you to work wonders. It does change you though.
Not in a good way, of course. It makes you sick and mean. You drink, or abuse drugs, or pursue any number of unnatural things to negotiate your abnormal life.
Perhaps there is some magic in the wizard life. But, if there is, it's magic of the blackest type. It's the dirty magic of rituals that only make sense at night. One doesn't pursue that magic because one has to; one pursues that magic because one doesn't have any choice. Normal human beings have no need for magic; the wizard life is an aberration.
But let's say, for the sake of a bit of fantasy, living as a wizard actually gave you powers. Let me ask, what does it benefit a man to gain the entire world if he loses his soul in the process? Or, as rational men, let's abandon the notion of "soul" and replace it with "humanity".
The wizard life is inhumane. Nothing, not even magic, is worth it.
>>25419241
>lose humanity
Yeah, fuck humanity. I'll be a wizard.
>>25419241
Hey, long haired wizard. We've talked before. How are you?
>>25419395
You have no basis of comparison. I actually am one of these "wizards".
And drinking myself to sleep every night is the only way I have to cope with it. It's the only thing that mitigates, if only briefly, all the anger, and jealousy and sadness.
But yeah, other than that, it's glorious.
>>25419524
Hah! Still nice to know I don't need a trip code to be recognized!
How am I? Not well...not well, I'm afraid to report. So, you know, the normal state of affairs. But I'm spending New Year's Day with my significant other, Mr. Johnnie Walker. And no, he's not much of a conversationalist. But he's always there for me at the end of the day. It's nice to know that, in some small way, I'm not entirely alone.
>>25419618
No, you certainly don't. I can always tell when it's you posting. what sort of city do you live in? Is there nothing whatsoever than can give you some happiness and fulfillment? Do you like video games?
>>25419826
Well, I live in Albany, NY, home of the Jungle Junkies and the OGK (Original Gangsta Killers or Orange Gambino Kids, depending on how old-school you are).
But the city itself isn't the issue. Any city offers plenty of places for someone to go, provided that they have someone to go there with.
It's often asked on this board "why not just go out"? Problem being, is that if you go out alone, you are the creepy guy in a social situation who is alone. There must be something wrong with you if that's the case. And in my case, that is quite true. There's a lot wrong with me.
Funny thing. For the past, I don't know how many years, I went to a local cafe for breakfast on my day off. Today was no exception. And walked the several blocks, sat down, ordered...and for the first time couldn't finish my meal. I was the only one alone. Every other patron in the place was with his/her significant other. I lost my appetite. I just had no desire to be there anymore. I asked for a box for what remained of my meal, and threw it away when I got home.
I have tomorrow off just as I had today off, but for the first time in years, I won't be going to that cafe.
What can I say? I've had enough.
>>25420014
Where do you work? And still, do you like video games? Do you have a passion or some art you love? Even if you don't have friends or a gf, you could fine-tune yourself to be great and love something that doesn't require other people.
>>25420061
Well, I'm a civil servant. I work for a law enforcement agency. In a clerical capacity, but it's one of the reasons why I mention the Jungle Junkies (that name still tickles me) and their rivals...the gangs of Albany play a regrettable role in my day to day life. Good lord, I hate my job. But I have rent to pay and liquor to buy. One does what one must to survive.
I used to enjoy video games, to answer your question. And then, one day, I just stopped. My interest in that sort of thing just died. Abruptly and without warning. Much to my own dismay, I found that I didn't are anymore.
To the final point, I am human. Not much of a human. Quite a sub-par and failed human. But still human. And a human being is a social animal. There is a need for other human beings. It is hard-wired into us. To live alone is to grow sick. To live as a virgin is an aberration, to be a wizard is a malformation. And being malformed actually hurts. Form and function and all of that.
My current strategy is getting through every day at the job I hate, coming home, and drinking enough to dull the pain...so I can do it all again. It's an exercise in futility, when considered rationally, but the survival instinct is hardly rational.
So I keep going.
>>25420250
Keep going pal.
>>25418574
>tfw lost it at 22
There's a normie inside all of us!
>>25420480
Oh, I will. You know, because of the aforementioned survival instinct.
But I resent it. Good god, how I resent it! I fucking hate it. Because, let's be honest, there's no reason for me to keep drawing breath. I can't remember the last time I was happy. People say that as a bit of hyperbole but, in my case, I truly mean it. I actually can't remember the last time I was happy.
There's just work, and liquor, and sleep and bad (very bad) dreams. I just want a bit of warmth and affection, but I know better than to rise above my station.
So it's just more scotch and nightmares. Hell, it's New Years Day and I'm drunk off my ass as I type this (so excuse any typos, I blame demon rum for an lapse in grammar).
Which will be like to-morrow, and the day after, and the day after...Yes, truly, the wizard life is a magical life.
>>25420250
This is fucking horrifing because I'm headed down the same path, god fucking damnit. And the vydia thing happened to me too
>>25420756
>>25420828
guess its comforting to know that Im not the only one with the fucked dreams either. I drank to get rid of them and they got worse.
>>25420828
If it's any consolation, very few men rank among the wizards. There are few men as repulsive and as abnormal as I am. I have no idea what you are like but, statistically speaking, you will, in all likelihood, be spared my fate.
>>25420866
Yes, the dreams are bad. Always have been. Being a wizard will do that to a man. Dreams teeming with violence and rape. Sometimes I'm the victim, being raped by some demon. Sometimes I'm the demon perpetrating the rape. In either scenario, I wake up sick and horrified.
It's a natural progression. As an adolescent, my sexual dreams were all nightmarish. My wet dreams all involved women who were repulsively deformed or, in some cases, outright monsters. Not even human.
Perhaps even at that tender age I realized no human woman would ever want me. Well, I suppose I can attest to the fact that dreams do in fact come true.
Quite inspirational.
It means you have potential, without the distractions of a normal life a man can begin to study esoteric texts and gain an understanding of reality. You could never do this if you were constantly distracted by bread and circuses.
>>25420959
At 3 I prayed to be alone because I got the shit kicked out of me on a regular basis. After all the drugs I did I only forgot the happy memories of my childhood and are left with those. Most of my dreams are just violent, and Im the victim. Once and a while sexual but I wake up bawling because I know how unlikely anything like the dreams is for me. Its was nice talking, Im gonna chase this rum with a couple beers and have a few more shots and hopefully have a dreamless night. I wish you the same. Hope things get better for you than they are for me.
>>25421262
i forgot, that was the only time im aware of praying worked.
>>25420959
To what do you attribute your virginity? Is there a particular quality or event that you feel most contributed to your current state of affairs?
>>25421294
Yeah, it's been a long time since I've prayed.
I stopped believing in either god or devil a long time ago. But even after, I still prayed.
Not to God, of course, because it was obvious nothing good had any interest in me. But, dizzy-drunk and desperate, I did pray to a devil I know didn't exist.
I prayed for a moment of humanity, a bit of warmth, a moment of human contact to sustain me for however longer I'd live. I promised to sell my soul for something most men receive and take for granted.
I never got my Faustian contract of course. There's no god and there's no devil But even if there were, neither would have any interest in me. I'm not human enough to warrant God's sympathy, and my soul isn't valuable enough to trade with the Devil.
>>25421366
not him but in the same boat
in my teens I was a nice guy. lots of friends that were girls that just ended up fucking my friends. in college I almost got lucky but after moving out of the dorms I didnt stay connected with the friends I made. Now I just work a fuckload and have no time to meet anyone and am just a ex junkie, drinking, bitter fuck.
>>25421366
>To what do you attribute your virginity?
The fact that women don't find me sexually attractive.
I'm not trying to be flippant. I'm really not. It's just that horrible men have received sexual affection. Men who have been convicted of raping children still have women who love them (with their consent). Men who are blessed with less than...ideal...aesthetics have women they hold at night. Fat men, short men, men who are plagued with the attributes this board claims with its memes are hopeless...they receive affection. Because most men do. That's the normal course of things. Most men on this board have or will. That's just nature in action.
As a corollary, nature in action weeds out the truly unwanted. This means men like me.
So I attribute my virginity to nature. It is inhumane, it's unkind. But, apparently, it's just.
To each man what he deserves.
>>25421262
You can try lucid dreaming.
You can at least fight back that way.
Or you could lose all control and make the suffering even more real.
But it's better then giving up.
