>born to an abusive bully dad and a bipolar mom who is zombified from a lifetime of antidepressants
>bullied from the age of 4 or 5 onwards, shouted and screamed at about not tidying my room or brushing my teeth, my father would bang things loudly, grind his teeth and get up in my face as if he was about to hit me. never did though, the threat was enough. I thought he wanted to kill me when I was younger. I still get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I hear him coming up the stairs
>no friends in school or growing up, always the quiet weird one, spend everyday in the bathroom cubicle alone
>start to really hate people, like school shooter- tier hate people
>around 12-13 start having sleep problems, takes me hours to sleep, always restless sleep, regular nightmares
>spent my days in a mental fog, felt like I wasn't really "there" any more, started to dissociate from what was going on around me. I believe it's called depersonalisation and it's a coping mechanism to deal with abuse
>start therapy at 13, start medication at 15
>spend my days either alone in school or at home being bullied to study by my father, sometimes it gets too much and I lock myself in my room and punch myself i the head until I go unconcious
>have an existential crisis at 16, realise everything is pointless and I should either kill myself or take all of the material things that this world can give me, get as much money and power as I can. I don't know why these were the two options I gave myself
>feel dead inside all of the time now, still see no point in anything, work on auto-pilot, obsess over work and self improvement, try to brainwash myself with motivational videos any time the depression kicks in
>I'd imagine I'm what you would describe as a sociopath, feel no empathy or compassion for anyone, have no emotional connections with anyone, can't understand the motivations or intentions of other people. have no emotions, have to regularly practice my facial expressions in the mirror
keep line length under a certain amount when greening.
>>29862493
>First 16 years of life where bad
>So I will wallow in self pity for the next 60
If only the entire world could get together and cry for me
>>29862590
>work on auto-pilot, obsess over work and self improvement, try to brainwash myself with motivational videos any time the depression kicks in
this is wallowing in self-pity?
>>29862493
>>I'd imagine I'm what you would describe as a sociopath, feel no empathy or compassion for anyone, have no emotional connections with anyone, can't understand the motivations or intentions of other people. have no emotions, have to regularly practice my facial expressions in the mirror
You're describing autism, not sociopathy. Sorry, I realize being a sociopath is more glamorous.
>>29862623
Yes
I had it worse than you and managed to stop feeling sorry for myself in highschool long enough to get friends while getting beaten daily by dad and after that I learned to take control of my life so now I live alone and I'm about to start college again, I'm not employed right now but I had two jobs over a year long each
>>29862646
autists have high empathy, also I know exactly how to act in social situations, I just don't like them and I don't like people either. I don't understand people who genuinely seem enthusiastic and happy in life, that's all.
>>29862673
yeah well i'm in college studying computer engineering (3.8 GPA) and I'm the starting PG on the basketball team, if we want to play the one-up game
>>29862690
No, autists can read facial expressions they don't have higher empathy not even sure where you heard that
>>29862718
And you are a pussy who never moved on from being your daddy's bitch, I couldn't give less of a shit if you s.oked weed and worked at Walmart
It's not not going to college or having a low GPA that makes you a looser, go ahead and one up me. Im happy doing what I like
>>29862781
oh boy
you can't even speak english you stupid cunt, looks like daddy beat you a little bit too much?
keep working your two jobs and putting money in mr. shekelstein's pocket you pathetic fucking loser, you missed the boat and you will be working dead end jobs for the rest of your life.
It's cute how you think you're smart enough for college when you can't even string a sentence together, aren't you aware that college is only worth it for non-retards? You will never make it, you're not even employed right now. put yourself out of your misery before you get some student debt to pile up, as if your life wasn't miserable enough already.
>>29863000
I can speak English and another entire language you cunt not that you could ever grasp the idea of someone speaking anything else than freedomspeech.
I'm currently a neet about to go back to college because I want to learn enough coding to get a comfy job and make videogames seeing as I already draw and model in blender and 3dstudio.
I went to a gifted school so I already know as much as a second year C's student confirmed by my friends who say they get bored doing nothing there.
But sure keep trying to one up me you narcissistic low expectations sad fuck
>>29863122
lol im starting to hope this a joke
im european and I speak 3 languages fluently, I'm at C1 level in French and German, working towards C2 level. here's the framework i'm referring to, not that you have the required intelligence to read it :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_European_Framework_of_Reference_for_Languages
hahahaha, you think you can just go back to college and ''learn enough coding'' to make video games? You dumb motherfucker. You really think employers want some lazy cunt NEET with a resume full of gaps? I'm certain you have zero extracurricular activities on your resume, and zero networking ability either. Keep ''following your dreamz XD" bro, don't come back crying when you're balls deep in student debt and you realise how competitive it is out there. Employers want all rounders who are also excellent coders/software engineers. they don't want some autistic manchild who ''likez gaemes xD". Oh, and the fact that you want a "comfy job" confirms to me that you are too much of a lazy cunt to ever make it, even if you are some gifted programmer, which you're not.
You went to a gifted school? oh man, maybe you were a smart kid but your intelligence fell off HARD. brain injury from daddy's beatings maybe?
I clearly don't need to one up you mate, you're not in my league, not even in the same stratosphere.
>>29863403
Full disclosure I gave up halfway through your post because I couldn't handle so much self centered bullshit, employers couldn't give less of a shit about your French and German or wathever extra curricular you have, I spend a year developing extensions for micro dynamics gp but I got fed up with my asshole boss so I have experience which is what they are going to look for if you graduated from anything short of mit I can easily work with my highschool diploma for most local companies because I can log up with my students account and enter a hiring list but I have seen how shitty games are and how anything that barely resembles substandard quality gets people rich so I will get into college for 2 years to get enough credit to land some gig in the industry and get the contacts I need, I'm confident I can make way better shit that what's currently out there alone. Work your miserable ass off for the chance of making 6 figures in 20 years, the game is for retards that are happy with that
>>29862493
Almost the same childhood here anon, here's what happend to me after your story
>went to social classes and learned how to communicate with people normally
>went to the lowest point in my life several times, but fixed myself fully and only by myself, this will let you gain experience
>went to parties, just arrive drunk already and you'll be alright
>worked real hard, bought my own house
>live on my own, life is best as has been so far, also wonderful relationship with my parants.
>>29863905
Don't give him advice, didn't you hear? He is perfect and above everyone because he goes to college and is totally into self improvement wathever that may mean, probably nothing.
>>29862493
What happened op? Is daddy giving you a mean stare again?
>>29862493
>lock myself in my room and punch myself i the head until I go unconcious
kek
