Describe your childhood and upbringing in general. Let's see where your robot-ness comes from.
>>29514390
When I was 15, I once left my sleeping pills on the table on accident not knowing my dog could climb up there. The next day she died in my hands as I was driving her to the emergency clinic when I realized something was wrong. Ever since I can't look at a dog and not cry. delete this post
>>29514390
My childhood father figure (my dad fucked off somewhere when i was 1 or 2) ended up in prison with 3 counts of manslaughter.
Before the age of 10 i had to talk my mother down from suicide or get her to stop cutting her self.
I always had to be the one who listened to everyone elses problems and try calm them down and stay rational. So i never got a chance to develop any assertiveness, and seeing everyone else being impulsive and crazy due to their emotions led me to subconsciously detach from any emotions.
I'd say I had a relatively nice childhood. My parents were never married and didn't stay together long after I was born, they broke up and separated before I was a year old and my mother took custody. They were young, my dad was eighteen and my mom was twenty if I remember correctly. Being first time parents they weren't perfect, my mom has told me that they rented a pontoon for a day and I got horribly sunburnt (I had fluid filled blisters by the following day) because they'd forgotten or never thought to put sunscreen on me.
I lived with my mom until age five. At some point my grandma bought a trailer for the two of them thinking that we were going to be a happy, typical family but it didn't work out like that. Some of my earliest memories are of there, it was always a pigstuy. I don't recall my dad ever being there. At some point he stole a couple thousand dollars from my grandparents and ran off to California for a time, nowadays occasionally he'll speak of it. From what I can gather he really enjoyed himself out there, he worked in a hotel in San Fransisco and got into meth, had his first threesome. Some extenuating circumstances led him back though I can't remember what they are, I think he got caught smoking weed on his shift and got fired. Upon coming back he took custody of me at my grandparent's urging, they thought my mom an unfit mother when in reality she was working dead end jobs to keep us afloat. I think the condition of the trailer had a lot to do with it, mom never was good at keeping a home clean.
So my dad took custody and I moved into another trailer from the ages of five to eleven or so. I liked it there, I had a few friends on the block and plenty of playstation games to play. My grandparents spoiled the hell out of me around this time, we'd go over to do laundry and they'd always give my dad enough so that he and I could go buy a new game. I don't remember much of school other than that I didn't care for it much. cont
My dad was and still is an avid marijuana smoker, he had quite a temper back then. The weed helped with that, only whenever he'd run out you knew you were in for trouble. He's not so bad that way nowadays. He'd yell at the top of his lungs at me from time to time, there were a couple instances of him punching holes in walls and berating me a little bit even though I was too young to really talk back. There were always these double headers on fox back then, first an (or was it two?) episodes of the Simpsons followed by King of the Hill, we'd watch that every night. I always ate a cup of ramen noodles and a microwaved burrito while we watched it, dad would set a towel in front of the TV in case of accidents and I'd sit right up on it and eat while we watched. I'm not sure what else to mention, dad was great at decorating the Christmas tree and we'd make an ordeal out of it every year. Tinsel and all. This kid across the street had a bike ramp, jumping off it was good fun. He'd always try to teach me to skate but I was awful at it.
At some point my dad found a new dealer who he subsequently made his long term girlfriend, who'd later become a big part of my life. They fought a lot but it was clear they loved each other in retrospect. We moved out of that trailer around age eleven, into an apartment complex. I brought all my games and things with me but I convinced dad to let me sell them (there were loads) to buy a 360, something I kind of regret to this day. Fifth grade wasn't great but I did rather enjoy sixth through ninth grades, not so much the classes but getting to go in and see people I considered dear friends everyday. In sixth grade my brothers were born. I played a lot of Call of Duty and Halo during those times, like a mind boggling amount. For a period we'd all come home and play Modern Warfare 2 after school everyday, I consider those some of the best times I've had yet. I made quite a few friends I'd rather hang onto during that time. cont
Unfortunately we've drifted apart, for the most part at least. I keep loose ties with most of them. My grandparents bought a travel trailer and season pass in an upscale campground thing, it was really outside their financial means but they did it anyway. They'd have me out during the summer, it was hardly my cup of tea but those are treasured memories. Eventually my dad's girlfriend, her son and my brothers moved in out of necessity, only it was breaking our lease. We were found out and evicted, to another trailer we went. That was in the ninth grade if I recall correctly, I really wish I could have finished out my high school career there but it didn't work out like that. Bygones are bygones as much as it hurts. I had to switch school districts. I shared a room with her son at our new residence, it wasn't so bad other than that they argued constantly and the rent/bills were unable to be paid. Only two months in my dad went to jail for domestic assault and I was whisked back to my mother, who regained custody with ease. My mother's side of the family would drive me to school everyday and I finished out the ninth grade there, the following year I was able to drop out. There was very little resistance, and that's the start of my adventures in NEEThood. I consider that the end of my childhood, though some would venture to say I'm still a child to this day.
Only now do I realize how big the gaps in my memory are.. or maybe it's an inability to be articulate. I don't know. Perhaps it's just that it would take days to recount it all in vivid detail. That was it, in a nutshell.
>>29514646
>>29514934
>>29515106
That's really interesting, thanks for sharing.
Was there any particular event that you think had a big impact in making you the way you are now? Do you think the unpredictability of your childhood made you crave a sense of security and sameness, and so you closed in on yourself?
IMy mom had me in high school, she had planned to drop out but then she was like oh shit I'm pregnant better get my fucking shit together. She graduated and began working customer service. My dad dropped out. His uncle was a well known drug dealer in our town so my dad followed suit and began helping him out. He didn't want anything to do me so he broke up with my mom. I lived with my mom, grandma and uncle in a decently sized house. We lived really close to my cousins whom I would see very often. I was the first baby on my moms side of the family in a long time. The second youngest relative after me was 13, so I spent a lot of time around older relatives, basically having to play mental catchup. my mom and dad got back together after a year or so. he would come over to my grandmas a lot considering he lived on the next block over. They argued a lot and I didn't understand it when I was younger. My mom got pregnant again when I was three and gave birth when I was four. My grandma would rent out the upstairs level of our house and once those tenants moved out, my mom, dad and newborn brother moved upstairs. My mom was still working customer service at a grocery store and my dad was still selling drugs. He was home a lot more often than my mom and some of my earliest memories were watching dragonball, bleach and other toonami shows late at night with him. A few years later we moved out of that house and down 10 more blocks into our own house. I started school and I was really social as a kid, one of the complaints my parents would get from me as a kid was that I would never shut up. I was also pretty smart for my age, considering all the mental catching up I had to do with my cousins. So school came fairly easy to me and so did friends due to my tendency to be friendly and talk to everyone. Around third, my mom was pregnant again and gave birth to my youngest brother. I should also mention that being a Mexican kid also meant some harsh punishments cont.
I was very lonely, lived 8 miles into the woods in a shitty matriarchal family where all the family's resources were sucked dry by my sisters' horse riding hobby that they didnt even like, and I was homeschooled until I was 16 so I had practically no substantial social experience. I was really smart though, I only had another semesters worth of highschool left after that.
>coolest kid in preschool
>bullied and isolated in elementary
>made friends in middle school but still isolated
>lost friends in high school and left isolated
>during high school only girl to ever talk to me did it out of pity and avoided me personally
my life was doomed to be alone regardless of whatever is in my grasp
>>29515565
I would get hit with the belt, shoes sometimes electrical cords. It sucked and I don't think I would ever go to that extreme with my future kids. I recall my dad getting upset at me and I can't remember exactly for what, all I remember was getting lifted up by my hair, damn did that hurt. Anyways, my mom and dad were still working the same jobs. My dad being a drug dealer and my mom being a customer service worker, except she was also taking college courses so I saw even less of her. All through that, my parents still continued to argue. Usually just yelling but sometimes it got physical. They would push, shove and throw things. I recall hugging my second youngest brother one night as they were arguing and i honestly don't know if he remembers. One night my mom and dad came home from a part arguing and my dad pushed my mom out in front of our house and drove away to get my baby brother from my grandmas house and my mom was crying and came inside and went upstairs. When he came back home with my brother, my mom took him along with a bag and said she was leaving him. Me and my second youngest brother watched the whole thing as she slammed the door and left. It was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry. My mom ended up moving back upstairs, above my grandma where we used to live. My dad stayed by our house. I would alternate between houses depending on what was most convenient. Going back to school, I continued to excel in my education despite the problems at home. Everythkng was pretty a-ok until fifth grade. For whatever reason, two guys decided it would be fun to pick on me, next thing I know all the guys in my class are bullying me and eventually a few guys from the other class. I didn't know what I had done. I was always a social and friendly girl but it was then that I realized that some people just don't care about how nice you are. I'm grateful I had a few friends that would stick up for me and be there for me. If I was alone, it definitely cont.
>>29515815
Would have made matters worse. So I had learned to become pretty witty and quick with comebacks. Although I had the comebacks, the bullying still took a pretty big toll on my perception and self esteem. My friend also introduced me to her cousin, whom I developed my first really big crush on and shared my love of video games with. This was also this year that my dad had finally got caught with drugs. It wasn't much and he ended up accepting a plea deal that would land him in boot camp for a year. That sucked but seeing him again was great. In sixth grade I developed another crush on a fellow xbox fanboy and someone who had played gears of war besides me (forgot to mention that I have been playing video games since I was 3 and got the 360 when it first game out so in 4th grade for me). Nothing too significant happened that year. In 7th grade I got my first boyfriend and that relationship lasted up until last year. It was a really bad relationship. I honestly don't know why we both let it drag on for so long. We were fine for a year and he randomly began to threaten to break up with my for no reason. And then suddenly apologize and do the same thing over and over. I cheated on him with a friend of ours who happened to be someone who used to bully me. it was a shitty thing to do but it's not something I regret. He was controlling and manipulative. I didn't feel like I could be myself around him and it sucked. I feel like breaking up with him was the end of my childhood. Not in a bad way but more of a bittersweet way. We still talk from time to time but I'm honestly a lot more happy now. Sorry for giving my whole life story
abusive mother. always told me i was a bad person so i constantly doubted myself and hit me all the time until i was big enough to fight back, then she stopped with physical but continued emotional abuse.
father was around on weekends but didn't do much to stop physical and emotional abuse.
sibling constantly said i was ugly and beat me up all the time.
was in gifted program so i was outcast from the majority of kids.
made friends within the program early on but never learned how to make friends after kindergarten.
started getting extremely depressed in 7th grade though i never really felt happy or that i fit in anywhere.
spent first year of high school only talking online to two classmates i met online. didn't want to spend time with them in school because i hated myself and though they would too.
my best friend from middle school (who i saw like 3 times after graduating middle school) was probably a sociopath and attempted suicide in front of me.
stopped going to school.
had to leave normal school and went to alternative school with a bunch of retards.
stopped going there too.
finished hs with home schooling.
went on antidepressants and spent years wanting to die but not caring enough to actually go through with it.
Well...
I didn't have a dad, just my mom, her mom and my mentally challenged older sister. Mom always did her best for us and I'm sure she was working two jobsand we were on Foodstamps etcto make ends meet.
I never questioned the fact that I didn't have a Dad until First Grade when we were talking about how we celebrate Christmas. Everyone was talking about how they celebrate the time, and a lot of people wrote about doing things with their mom and dad. Not wanting to be any weirder than I already was, I wrote that my mom and dad and I decorate gingerbread houses. Innocent stuff, I wished I had a dad.
And the summer after that, my wish was granted. Mom came home with someone I guess she had been dating for awhile now, I was super excited, now that I knew what having a dad entailed I really wanted one. I tried my best to be friends with him and he was nice to me. But that wasn't going to last very long.
Whenever my mom went to work and he was home, he'd be mean to me. Berating me and yelling at me for no reasons, I was spanked by both my parents but my dad was the only one who hit me with the belt. Of course I thought this was normal and never really brought it up, the yelling, insults and stuff. (cont)
I'm the youngest in my family with 2 sisters and a brother. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and we lived with my dad. My dad would let the girls rule the roost while the boys were made to act extremely effeminate to not threaten our dads masculinity, who was very feminine and soft himself. On top of being ruled by a matriarchal family with a trap for a dad, I had to go to school. I remember school revolving around females, it was like men were just nameless NPCs walking around like in a video game or the minor characters in an anime who don't really do or say anything.
Females were the focus of all the boys attention, when females spoke in class all the males went silent. All the teachers were female, the principals and deputy principals were females. Even the other boys acted like females, telling gossip about other kids, getting in "fights" which consisted of yelling and making insults about each other. The school curriculum was based on how females think, English made no sense to me with it's weird analysis of stories which seemed like some emotional perspective of anything e.g. the curtains in the hall were blue because the author/character was depressed.
Surrounded by all this pure femininity and emasculation was maddening and now today I am a loner, nothing has changed as I've grown up. Men still act like women whether it be in the workplace, with their friends, with family, with random strangers at the pub. It's all totally fucked and I look forward to the day I can escape to green fields and open country, alone and free.
I guess somewhere deep in my mind it did scare me though, I would end up peeing in my toybox instead of going to the bathroom at night, one time I even shat inside an empty popcorn bag I had in my room. As the months went on he became more and more mean to me, I can recall one night I was sleeping on the couch in my room (I had a bed but the couch was so fucking comfy) I don't know if he was drunk or mad at me or whatever, but he comes in my room and flips the couch over as I'm sleeping on it.
The punishments and beratings get even more severe, especially when my little sister was born. Eventually he got into weed, and in retrospect, I guess that's why his room always smelled kind of rank.
Still, I didn't question it, since I didn't have a dad and just wanted a good family with a mother and father and kids like my cartoons and books, I just thought it was part of the package.
This continued for awhile, the verbal and physical abuse, he never hit me with his fists, just his belt and stuff. Never brought this stuff up with mom, and sometime later they got married (I think in 2002) After that, instead of calling him T he urged me to start calling him Dad. So I complied, excited that I finally had a father of my own.
One night however, the two of us got into an accident where I should have died. (cont)
I can't say I had a bad childhood due to parental neglect or anything of that nature that so many robots had. I just believe that I was born flawed and not in the emo blog way.
I'm a legit spast, like put in for testing before I even hit grade school. I had a horrendous mumble that made me sound like Kenny from southpark and I was always taken out to go to speech therapy until I was 13. I probably spent 2-3 hours a day outside a normal classroom. I was that kid who had decent parents, a decent upbringing but always had an aide/ taken out of the class to be with the special kids. I didn't have an intellectual disability or severe emotional disabilities, but I definitely deserved to be in special ed. I had no word filter and would say some heinous shit, I was a stinky motherfucker and was incredibly clingy. I also have horrendous language skills including writing and reading.
My robotness comes from being coddled by the special education system which didn't teach me the necessary skills to function in the real world. I was never penalized for handing anything in late. I was spoiled rotten as a kid because yes I was a spast, but some of the kids that were in similar programs were pityable. This probably led to my parents having a "thank god" moment and spoiling me. My parents literally let me eat fast food all the time as a reward and buy me video games. A lot of the special education "teaching" is literally meant to cater to the slowest of the bunch. I literally have gaps in my education that people with parents who moved around a lot have. I only know half of the alphabet in cursive and don't have the fun memories of reading certain books in certain grade levels.
I've stopped being a full spast ( Puberty converted me) at the age of 15-16. I was taking regular showers, not being so clingy and working on my issues. It's just been a Himalayan-esque feat just to get to where I am at as a person.
>>29514390
Parents tried their best not to raise a fuckup. Apparently failure is in their genes. Fairly good parents although they'd sometimes forget to pick me up at chool
>>29516002
>>29516078
Forgot to quote myself whoops
Anyway, Dad was drunk, I think Mom was busy making dinner or something I can't remember that much. But he was drunk and since he was the only one who could drive, he decided to go down to the store to buy some more beer or something. I wanted to tag along too so I could buy some candy for myself so I tagged shotgun. I brought along a little toy I got from McDonalds and we went to the store.
As we were coming back, I guess some Cops saw he was driving kind of weird or they were after someone else, but as soon as they turned their sirens on he got leadfoot and hit the gas. We speed down the street and ended up crashing right through someone's backyard. I had dropped my toy and was bending over to pick it up when this all happened.
The world turned into a mess of shattering glass, dust and noise. When everything finally settled down I lifted my head and scratched my shoulder on a post. I was alright, but my dad was unconscious.
Not wanting him to be dead, I began to slap and hit his chest begging him not to die, pleading with God or whoever was watching the scene unfold that night.
Soon enough some paramedics had come and taken me away, a whole bunch of people were there watching us. I remember an old lady stopping by the ambulance and telling me everything was going to be okay.
Hours later, Mom and my grandmother come to pick me up from the hospital, Mom grabs me in the tightest hug she's ever given me. Telling me she was sorry, she was scared and she was happy that I was okay. I remember her warm tears against my chest as I reassured her that I was okay and just had a small lil scratch on my shoulder but she still held me closer than she ever had. I just wanted to know if Dad was fine.
(cont)
>>29514390
>mother took me and my brother out of school because she thought we were too sick
>father is schizoaffective
>vividly remember being told to pray for him to win at mortal combat, him forcing us to sit there, blaming us when he failed, all pissy
>mother didn't even want kids and is a overly polite catholic school girl spawn
>intelligent but spineless
>teaches my brother and I to pretend to touch each other when play fighting
>was warned that 'they' might take us away
>government forces her to put us in school
>I'm 9 in the first grade and 10 at the end
>put into foster care at 11 in second grade without warning in the middle of class
>told mother was munchausen by proxy later on
>foster parents were actually dicks more than supposed mental parents (x-military father figure)
>limited video game time etc
>no ac and it's FL and was used to ac plus fan
>one soda a day (never had water before)
>had weird diet, noodles made me gag, was raised on limited variety of food because fake allergies.
>five dollar a week allowance with chores so it's not three
>get robbed by over nighter kid whenever I save it up
>move into small town at 17
>hair finally long despite the previous parents' attitute
>stress and gov food makes me lose weight
>new misterious guy with long hair has girls
crushing on him
>too beta to pick
>one picks me
>date until I turn 18 and move in with her in 10th grade
>date until 12th grade, at 20 she goes into the navy
>drop out of college at 22
>foster care checks are no more because no school
>move back in with long lost parents at 22
Now I'm 27 and still a manchild forever NEET.
>>29516237
He was fine, no broken bones or anything. We both miraculously survived the accident.
I would learn later that the post was right where my head should've been.
Despite everything that's happened between us, I still love the man. Especially since he's improved himself for us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT1Fb9B4IBo
(This song also goes out to those who were abused)
That's made me a robot or whatever. Its hard for me to make friends, especially guy friends. I also tend to see older people as father figures.
I'm an only child, and for the short time they were together my parents fought all the time.
My mom moved away with me when I was two, moved back in with my dad again when I was three, and then split for good when I was four. We moved around quite a bit while she went through various boyfriends over the next 5 years.
I switched schools 3 times. I spent a lot of time reading books and playing videogames, and didn't make friends very well during that time.
Once we settled down when I was nine I made a few friends. As we got older, they all became stoners. I didn't try any drugs until I was 20 though. I never bothered with schoolwork at all, and I'm not sure how I passed. I failed out of university, and now here I am. The result of a lifetime of mediocrity.
