Alright, /r9k/, you have to prove you're a robot with one fact about yourself.
Come on now, this shouldn't be hard unless you are literally a normie. I'll start.
>I actually own a dakimakura
>>29510342
>I've been posting for the last 11 years online about being unable to cum from anything other than dead bodies
checkmate normies
I'm actually envious of most people I read about on r9k.
I've attempted numerous times to learn Japanese so I can play weeb games, but lack the discipline to actually do so.
>>29510459
but do you actually cum from dead bodies or do you just talk about it? anyone can do the latter
I have a waifu and if I didn't live with my mom I would build a waifu shrine.
>>29510342
I tell myself to jog next morning, every day. But I'm never able to actually do it.
>>29510500
I actually cum from dead bodies. Never as decomposed as I like but I'm sure you can imagine. Of course I can't do that every day so the vast majority of the time I use pictures or videos.
I have never had sex in my life.
I literally don't know what's going on.
>>29510342
I use pissbottles. Up to 10 a week.
i own an onahole, a Puni DX, a vibrator egg and a magic wand and i'm a guy.
I own several onaholes and a daki.
I've posted videos of me using the onaholes on xhamster for lewd anons to see.
They compliment my penis.
>>29510342
I consider masturbating to be an adequate amount of exercise
>>29510342
>>29510497
>>29510474
>>29510511
Autists
>>29510459
>>29510569
>>29510607
Robots
>>29510634
>>29510594
>>29510516
Failed Normies
I can't. I mean, I'm like everyone else. I eat, I stay up too long, I try not to abuse any substance, worry about my appearance, get anxious but do stuff anyway, never had any romantic interest, nor any erotic interest..
Eh
>>29510676
>schizophrenia
>failed normie
anon, we have to talk
every time my penis has been inside a vagina, ive had to pay for it.
ive never had initmate female contact in any form without paying for it
I haven't been outside for about 3 months
>>29510695
>when did he ever say schizophrenia
>>29510676
So being an autist excludes you from being a robot?
I'm into necrophilia like >>29510459
I intentionally avoid as much physical social interaction as possible.
>>29510342
I would fuck a lolipls no bully
>>29510739
No but being an autist doesn't automatically make you one.
>>29510760
lolis are cute to me but irl children are disgusting
>>29510342
>I drink alone every night and don't talk to anyone unless I have to
>>29510760
>>29510774
>tfw attracted to lolis and 3d little girls
how do I get help...
The only thing I get aroused from is 2D anime characters.
>>29510791
A bullet to the temple.
>>29510791
Sexual therapists exist, especially for pedophiles, but proceed with EXTREME caution, especially if you live in the US. Never, under any circumstances, say that you have intent to do anything with a child, or that you have done anything with a child, or have in your possession any child pornography. Only say that you have intrusive thoughts, or a fetish, or that you can't help the way you feel and want to get help.
Having said all of that, there are people out there who want to help. tread lightly, and you can find good therapists who can help you understand your paraphilia and learn to live with it. It's possible. Just be sure to do lots and lots and lots of research about any clinics before you go to them, and be prepared to have to omit information when you talk to people to make sure you don't wind up in jail for something out of your control.
I'm sorry if that all sounds really harsh but peodphiles really do have it the hardest.
>khhv
>only fap to 2d mostly gfur
>just want to be left alone
>unironically think about how much I hate normies
I masturbate seeing One Punch Man yaoi and I also watch Turkish soap operas dubbed in Polish (I don't speak Polish, or Turkish).
>>29510342
>I actually have PDD-NOS
>>29510877
Thanks anon. I just need some peace because my child-sex urges are getting stronger and stronger and I really do not want to do something that I will regret
I never had a meaningful talk with a female... or a talk at least
I have a daki too. Who is on your daki?
>>29510676
most of us in here have never had sex either, but we didn't list it because OP said LIST ONE THING.
>dat reading comprehension
>>29510791
Idk man
there's a small percentage of 3D little girls I'm attracted too, but I hate children in all tbqh and I don't think I'd want to engage in anything with a child because I am disgusted by 99% of them
>>29510949
No problem man, I've known a lot of guys in your position and I know how hard it gets when you have a paraphilia and there's no legal outlet for it. Stay strong, I hope you can find some good help and feel better soon.
I feel completely empty. My life is spiraling out of control yet I can't be bothered to do anything about it. I have no job, haven't spoken to my friends in months. I have no hobbies worth mentioning. Every time I decide to pick up one, I quit after a few days. Talking to other people is becoming increasingly difficult, and I feel as if I'm putting up a performance whenever I have to. My parents are disappointed in me, but refuse to admit it. I have no hopes of finding a gf, instead indulging myself into increasingly weirder fetishes online as a substitute. I don't feel a connection to other people. I feel inept. I feel as if there is a wall between me and society. I don't expect anyone around me to understand me, nor do I expect sympathy. I feel both mentally and physically exhausted, even though I don't challenge myself throughout the day.
I alone feel this.
>>29510979
It's the opposite for me, maybe 75% of the little girls I ever see are highly attractive to me. I just want to talk to them and make a move but I try to talk to them like adults and they don't respond to it
>khhv
>unironically own a blunt katana, a daki with an anime cover, and an onahole which i strap to said daki and engage on intercourse with.
>Unable to speak to anyone besides family without near panic attack
>NEET
>No skills at all
>No hobbies besides literally vidya and anime
>Haven't had a friend since elementary (even then they just ended up stabbing me in the back)
>Depressed and suicidal.
>Have over 3000 hours on several games on Steam (most of them gsg)
I could go on...
do I qualify?
>31 years old.
>Live with parents.
>Afraid to wake them up at night by using the bathroom to pee.
>Piss out bedroom window that has bug screen installed instead.
>It stinks of piss when it's open, the rancid smell wafting in with the breeze.
>Often have to pee after fapping, so there's an obvious buildup of fossilized cum and piss crystals.
Just kill me now plz.
>>29510997
>>29511010
one fact
ONE
reading comprehension, m8s, work on it
>>29511001
that's why I could never actually get behind it, I hate how dumb they are and when they do stupid shit like eat their boogers and not wash their hands it turns me off to the extreme, lolis are never caught doing anything like that though
>>29511010
>one fact
>lists over 9000
>>29510342
I have all three Rush Hours with Jackie Chan on the left
>>29511022
Oh, sorry.
I guess I'll have to go with
>unironically own a blunt katana, a daki with an anime cover, and an onahole which i strap to said daki and engage on intercourse with.
>>29511043
>unironically says over 9000
gb2reddit
>>29511022
>>29511043
Nowhere does it state you aren't allowed to list more.
Get fucked.
>>29510526
>Of course I can't do that every day so the vast majority of the time I use pictures or videos.
So are you implying that you sometimes use actual dead bodies? How do you get them?
I think 25 year old kv still posting here will suffice.
>>29510342
>>29510342
I used apiss bottle 2 nights ago
>>29511043
>over 9000
LEAVE
I have a tulpa and I'm going to get a 3 day ban for this comment
>>29511084
Idk about him but being the other necro fag here I sometimes pay a couple hundred to go to the morgue
>>29511082
>Alright, /r9k/, you have to prove you're a robot with one fact about yourself.
>ONE
>EXPLICITLY
>>29511038
They don't seem dumb to me, honestly a lot of them are very impressive.. I love the mature ones and the dumb ones too. The kid stuff like boogers and not washing their hands doesn't bother me, but I would like to keep my little gf clean. If I could have a cute blonde girl on my lap I would be in heaven
>>29511067
>>29511101
>posting on le over 9000 board xDDDDD
>>29510342
>im mentally ill to the point of halucinations
>my junkie "friends" ask he what is wrong you seem so high today
>easily the most experienced lurker here
>from the 2005
>>29511115
Who do you pay? Can you actually just bribe someone to look the other way while you have sex with the corpses?
>>29511113
>liking alocorn twi
shig
>>29511117
Your reading comprehension is on par with a 4th grader.
>>29510342
My girlfriend cucked me with another grill
ree
>>29510676
>Failing a repetitive action such as studying a language is autism
Anon, we need to discuss what autism actually means.
>>29511149
yeah, I live in a small hick town and the guy that runs morgue is pretty understanding about fetishes
>>29511124
I wouldn't because I don't wanna get v&
what's your age limit btw? I personally like them over 7nsa if you're reading this I've never and never will touch a child, I know what happens in prison and will stick to the occasional loli
>>29511149
>>29511191
or I gotta be the first one to the crime scene :^)
>>29511084
Hypothetically all of the ones I would have been with would have been at open casket funerals. The laws on necrophilia depend on the state you live in in the US and it's against the rules to discuss or admit to a crime against US law so we're going to say that this is all conjecture.
>>29510342
ive been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder
>Wish I didn't exist
>>29511257
>>29511191
this is all hypothetical;)
>>29511241
Long distance relationship. No threesome possible until I go back for a visit. It's just her fucking a girl because the vibrator hasn't been doing it for the past 6 months.
>>29510676
WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?!?!?!
I often fap to anal vore....too often
>>29510342
I am loveless, abused, homeless, workless, ugly, dumb, and a complete social outcast.
Also a 25yo virgin.
>>29510342
I've paid for stuff for my oneitis' boyfriend, e.g. Runescape membership. I've never spoken to him except when he asked me to leave to give them privacy.
i was in an mlp circlejerk last night
>>29510342
Post your Daki
>>29511927
FOAL play tbqh
>>29510342
Virgin, checkmate
I own 3 dakimakura that I fuck with my fleshlight and I never had female contact
Because I haven't have friends for such a long time, I just have conversations with myself out loud for social interaction.
I live in an imaginary world, desu
>>29512100
i'm not clicking on that piece of shit
it's pretty bad, i recommend not doing so
>>29510342
i have 99 strength in runescape
>>29510877
>>29510791
Don't tell anyone, ever. In private find videos, and the prison sentences of those convicted in that type of crime, as well as the results of there actions. After doing this for ten minutes every evening before bed for the span of a month, wack off once, then don't watch, or view any sort of porn, take it off your computer, and put it all onto a portable drive, or a extra hard drive. Put that into a box, write some type of insult to yourself on top of the box, the worst thing you can imagine, something like "You disgusting weak willed freak" or to that effect, personalize it of course. Learn some self control.
I still have the Naruto kagebunshin no jutsu hand signals memorized.
>>29510710
same i'm married and i pay for it every day meteorically and literally.
i posted earlier, and it was a lie just so people would agree.
this is my robot qualification, needing fake friends to agree with me for a few minutes
>>29510342
I have man boobs
Im black
But no nigger
>>29510459>tfw no necrofag partner in crime
>>29512569
> you like lolis your so sick
>i only fuck corpses of loved ones that were entrusted to me
I drive around my car at 2 am talking to myself pretending that I'm on a reality TV show or something. It gives me motivation and soothes my mind.
I'm not even gay but I actually wanted to be a girl
>>29510342
I'm a short
>>29510342
I'm not a virgin
ishigdiggity
>>29512717
fuck off normie oregano
>>29510342
I'm 21 years old and I've never even held a girl's hand.
>>29510342
I haven't left the house in 10 years
>>29510342
I'm never going out and basically never went house of my house for 6 years apart when I was forced to (i.e going to the doctor)
I cry during family gatherings whenever I my family talks to me and I don't even know why
I fantasize over being a girl
I don't desire anything that is really obtainable.
There are plenty of other reasons why I believe that I qualify for robotdom
>>29510342
I have an extremely rare mental illness that pretty much limits me to eating 7-8 foods.
Anyone want more info about it?
>>29512838
Nyot rheallly
my main hobby is making animal balloons
I paid $80 for a Japan-exclusive rhythm game
>>29512816
This is fake. I havent left the hosuse for 10 years and am insane
when I was 19 months old I swallowed a safety pin while it was open.
>>29510733
>taking the bait like an oregano smoker
I'm a 26 year-old kissless, handholdless virgin who has never even asked out a girl or expressed interest to them.
>>29510342
I'm a headbanger. You ever see retards who hit themselves for no reason? I occasionally black out and do that, but at least I'm not retarded
>>29513231
>but at least I'm not retarded
>bangs head against tables and walls
>not retarded
Haha, fuck off.
>>29510342
I haven't changed anything in the huge majority of my apartment for over a year now
If you went in my apartment last year it would be pretty much indistinguishable from how it looks now.
>>29510342
>I'm a 22 year old kissless virgin whose intimidated by women
>>29510342
I cummed on my dog once
>>29513389
what the fuck man why would you do this?
>>29513460
>this guy never came on his dog
Ahahaha what a fag
I own an asuka figure but I haven't cum on it
>>29510342
got you beat
> I'm too poor for a dakimakura
>>29513460
You have NEVER cummed on your DOGE!? AHHAHAHA fucking normie GET OUT
>>29513485
>>29513536
No, why would I waste such a precious resource?
>>29510342
Suzuka-sama is my waifu.
I just finished watching my 100th anime
I've gotten in several physical altercations because I can't keep my white nationalism to myself. I'm an angry little faggot that starts to fume when I hear people spouting opinions I don't agree with.
I also fap to hentai and have a waifu. I have anime figurines within 5 ft of a Nazi flag. I'm also a virgin and fat. Luckily not bald yet and no neckbeard.
If anything, I'm the typical 4chan stereotype.
>>29513644
>only 100
anon...
I don't have friends. Everytime I'd try to speak with someone I think I'm too awkward and start losing my shit. That's the problem with all robots, their self-concept is just too low and they don't want to repeat bad memories, so they shut themselfs in basements where nobody can lower their self-rating. People who don't care about their self-representation are normies.
>>29513893
Yeah, I can't help but convince myself that everybody I meet hates me by default.
I have no friends
Of course, that probably wasn't an original comment
Also
>comment
>not post
Whoever developed the robot is cancer
>>29513649
I feel weirdly glad to know that someone fitting the 4chan stereotype exists, perhaps because it indicates that not everyone here is cancer
29 and have never seen an IRL vagoo
starting to think I'm actually afraid of vagoos
>>29510607
what's the point if you have proper plumbing?
>>29513990
>only pussy i ever got was eating out my friends drunk girlfriend after he passed out
>tfw i tasted his cum from when he fucked her that night
>fingering her and eating her out
>start to undo my belt
>pull pants down, boxers still up
>she looks at me
>'i can't do this'
>walks out of the room and leaves
I'm so fucked up.
>>29510342
I'm unable to form proper relationships because I don't leave my house but also don't take interactions with people online seriously enough to not meme constantly.
My life is going down the drain and I'm jumping around in the puddle screaming with glee.
>>29514054
I'm 27 btw. This happened in high school
>mentally ill
>avoid almost all human contact, even with family
>delete my controversial posts on normie spaces because im afraid to get arrested
>>29514068
>don't take interactions with people online seriously enough to not meme constantly
Iktf. 0 steam friends here. I never saw the point in forming a relationship with random people online. I guess normies see the internet differently.
I stutter and have social anxiety.
I have 1 friend
>>29512454
it's okay, some of us like to pretend to be things that we aren't just to see what effect it would have on the people around us.
Personally I like to pretend to be smart.
Being at the psych ward was one of the best times of my life because I actually got social interaction there.
I miss my crazy friends.
>>29511909
>homeless
how are you on /r9k/, then?
also, in what country and how do you survive every day?
>>29514091
that's me ,and i just wanted it to end
>>29514054
what did it taste like breh?
i had two girls naked on a bed and all i did was give them a massage
i should kill myself shouldn't i?
>>29514054
>have boyfriend
>getting fingered and eaten out by another man is okay
>but getting fucked is out of the question
Women are retarded
>>29510693
>I try not to abuse any substance
>try
>abuse
>substance>what the fuck have I been doing all this time. I haven't stopped abusing substances since I was 13
>>29514233
I know that feel. It never really works out that way.
>>29511001
m8 just join a pedo ring
either that or be a pedo in the dark. but i thought it would be quite cool to be part of secret society that only talk through encrypted devices
>>29514251
>It never really works out that way
what do you mean?
I fantasize about fucking my older sister on a daily basis
>>29514271
Don't you have to be rich and/or powerful to do that? Like Joe Biden, he macks on qt diplomat's kids all the time.
>>29514293
The "not" part.
My family is rich, I'm 6'1, I have a 6.5 inch dick and I'm not black. I am not fat, have my own car and live in my own place. Despite all of this I am still a virgin at 26 years of age.
>>29514393
Literally failing on easy mode. How the fuck.
>>29514379
ohh....
so I am the last to get off this sinking ship
>>29514415
Godspeed, robot. Do it for the rest of us.
>tfw robots call you a robot because you're autistic and slow as shit....>does not feel good
>>29514350
i couldn't do it, instead i fantasize over other people fucking her
>>29514179
Laptops are cheap and there is "free" wifi all over the place. I rent a cheap room in a shitty nieghborhood but I am currently posting from Macdonalds with a GOD tier t420 Thinkpad that I got for $120 on ebay.
>>29514350
go make some retard babies with her
>>29514578
so you're not homeless, then.
>>29514597
Yea, I am not that poster. But I work retail near a homeless shelter and have seen hobos with second hand laptops before.
>>29514405
To be fair, I have no degree or friends.
>>29510342
>normalfagmakura
wow so nerdy and eccentric
>>29510342
I can't speak "normal" in front of people, my voice always sways or sounds quiet.
I look like eggman with hair
I am 19, live with my parents, and have no intention of ever moving out
>>29514734
in this economy, it might be a good move
>>29510342
I'm playing Fallout 2, an old-school game I like with some unofficial restored content, when everyone else is playing the new one by Bethesda, and my traveling companion is in fact a robot.
If my roommates have friends over I don't leave my room. I have several empty bottles to piss in and plenty of food including a mini fridge and toaster oven just in case
the only social interactions I've had with people, In at least the last 7 months (besides my mother) were on this siteand twitch, if you can count that
>>29510342
22 years old kissless handholdless virgin male 5'7
I'm 20 and never had a job
I'm unsure if this is enough actually
i started frequenting forums in the seventh grade
>>29510342
>22 yo kv
I've been making an effort to change that this year though so I don't know. My confidence is through the roof lately.
