who /abused as a child/ here?
> tfw conceived from rape
> hated and ostracized since the day i was born
> not even a real human being, flawed to the very core of my existence
> never had anything or anyone
I realized I'll never be normal. Things will never get better. You can't just undo 20 years of hate and spite.
> just be yourself and forget the past :^)
>>29320626
>You can't just undo 20 years of hate and spite.
Actually you can.
my mother was a prostitute and I remember when my best friend at the time and his parents sat me down and grilled me for about an hour about what my mom did for a living during a sleepover.
I eventually caved in and they drove me home and I never saw him again.
Later on she was on drugs and lost her license, so I had to drive her to have sex with strangers for money and to her drug dealer.
I have weird sexual views and really no ability to empathize with people
>>29320638
t. someone who does not know the true meaning of suffering
>>29320638
OP would rather just use his past as an excuse to disregard life as worthless, just because it wasn't handed to him on a plate in easy mode.
>product of rape
>raised by mom
>she obviously hated me
>suffered pretty much every type of child abuse there is
>can honestly say I don't ever remember her saying she loved me
>not even sure why she didn't abort me
I have major trust and intimacy issues now. I also flinch whenever someone moves near me, out of reflex. When she died I cried like a baby.
>>29320706
it's life on TURBO EVIL APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL SHITSHOW mode. Humans need empathy and support to get by, to live. Even somebody making a sandwich, somebody saying there will be food tomorrow, somebody touching you gently and saying that some day things might be alright.
Imagine never being hugged, not being allowed to eat, every interaction with human beings turning out to be negative and frightening. Your own mother and father striking you and screaming and shouting, to spend every waking moment in a terrifying world where any action will result in pain and fear, to sit idly in wait for the next bout of torment and hate.
That's pretty rough, OP. I'm sorry that your shitty parents decided to raise a child that they didn't even want or like, instead of just getting an abortion. I hope you don't take offense to that. I just don't think it's humane to bring children into this world if you're not planning on giving them the best upbringing that you can.
I never really had a childhood, because my innocence was all gone by the time I became fully conscious and self-aware. I had to learn how to shoplift, because otherwise I'd starve since there was never any food at home. My parents spent all our money on shitty wine. My mom used to try to hit me a lot. She even wanted to kill me a couple times. The first time, she put shards of glass in a meal she made for the whole family. Luckily my dad found out before we ate it. And then the second time, she just went full Psycho-tier, swinging a big knife around everywhere and stabbing at things.
I am pretty fucked up in the head, but I'm trying my best to get well. It's tough when you don't really have any sense of perspective, because you've never really been "normal" or "happy" in your entire life. What shrinks might say are my "symptoms" and "issues" just seem like ordinary parts of my life to me. I don't know what life is like without them.
>>29320840
>Imagine never being hugged
Kek
>not being allowed to eat
Then why didn't you steal, and become a problem child? Why did you cling to the hope of redemption? Why didn't you just take from life instead of expecting a handout?
>your own mother and father striking you and screaming + shouting
Yeah, so what? Let them hit and strike and scream and rape and whatever. Did you not know where the knives were kept?
>every action will result in pain and fear
Coward genetics looking for sympathy. You should be dead by rights
Moar shitty life stories
>>29320988
Disgusting human right here.
it was more mental and psychological abuse than physical abuse, but that happened too. parents would scream and yell at each other basically 24/7 and i always somehow managed to end up in the crossfire. my dad flipped out once every six months and would beat me up and destroy the house and shit like that. cops got involved a few times.
and then they wonder why both me and my brother grew up to be fuck ups...
>>29321134
It's a goddamned miracle I turned out as well as I did. Steady job, decent place for myself. I drink a lot and play a lot of video games. I'm mostly functional, or capable of faking it.
>>29321159
the one benefit of growing up like that is, people can scream in my face and they won't get a reaction out of me, stuff like that doesn't really faze me anymore, i'm just used to it.
>>29321205
Screaming still bothers me because I got hit and yelled at a lot. Insults don't do anything, though. It's pretty tough to hurt my feelings now. I start crying when people are too nice to me, though. First I lock up, then I get kind of confused about why they're being nice to me, then the tears start.
A big mindfuck when you confront your parents about the abuse they caused and they deny it. Several times growing up when i was small enough to not know any better id get thrown around the house, walls, chased, picked up by my ears, and just get my fucking ass beat
If i ask my dad today about he just claims to only have spanked me on occassion but i remember the times when id get some serious abuse.
I blame most my problems on my bad upbringing and abuse. I USED to not do that. I used to take full responsibility and try my best to stay positive and pick up these broken pieces to move on.
But. I came to realize that im not fully to blame for my issues i was only taught that i was fully to blame for how i became so fucked up. They tried to program this lie into me that i had a perfect abuse free childhood but thats far from the truth. Now that im a young adult they arent trying to throw me to the streets anymore. Treat me like shit or abuse me because now they are trying ti backtrack the mistakes they know they made before even they wont own up to them.
They probably would still abuse me if i didnt realize my self worth and develop some self awareness and stand up for myself. But nevertheless im still mentally ill as fuck PTSD diagnosed. SCHIZO affective and aspbergers with other. Personality abd identity issues that i cant keep a job and im paranoid as fuck. So i cant support myself so now i stay here with them and i get the benefit of the doubt.
>>29321130
>thinking that's not bait
Not very smart, are you?
>>29321359
i haven't bothered trying to confront my parents about it because they wouldn't care and they'd just deny it all, so it would just be a waste of time. that's what happens when you have narcissists as parents.
>>29320988
Holy fucking shit, you're autistic. Could you try and be a bit more edgy?
>>29321487
Yeahvits crazy that you just reminded me that they are narccisists. And it really shows all the time that they are narccists.
I dont even want to think about the fact that they are that because i wish i could call my dad iut on that today but things are way to stable and i wouldnt want to fuck anything up. I wish i wouldve called him iut on it along time ago.
When parents are narcissists the kids are bound to fucked up
>Grew up in a nice family, a bit violent but nothing like what these stories describe
>still not a happy person for whatever reason
I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be unhappy over these minor things, you guys are the ones that should get sympathy
>>29321359
yeah wtf
I have so many memories of my dad chasing me around with a belt, calling me a cocksucker, throwing me around, knocking the wind out of me, locking me in my room, breaking my vidgames, etc.
my mom cheated on him leading to the divorce but now she's a Sweet Old Woman(TM)
Now dad acts like my best friend
what the FUCK????
>>29320626
Watch Evangelion and reflect on the last two episodes. You'll thank me later.
>>29322210
Fuck that. You have a right to feel as sad as you do, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. If "I shouldn't feel bad because someone else has it worse" wasn't just a meme, there'd only be one person allowed to feel sad and that'd be some penniless African quadriplegic orphan who lives in a house made of faeces. But as the real world stands, there are 7,000,000,000+ of us on this planet and we all have the right to feel depressed.
>born in third world
>raped at age 7
>mom is clinically insane
>dropped out of third grade and self schooled all the way to GED.
>22now
>born handicapped (thalassemia I.e. I need regular blood transfusions)
>third world shitter so no one will hire me
>parents tell me I ruined their lives and I should kill myself.
>beaten by parents, relatives, aunts, cousins, classmates and neighbors as a child
>ostracized by parents neighbors etc
I finally at least figured out how to make money online. I'm moving out asap and hope I can move to Canada or something.
>>29322631
Go fuck yourself with a rusty chainsaw. That's the shittiest piece of advice I've read in my life.
I realized relatively recently I was technically raped as a child, since I was coerced and it qualifies.
>>29322862
How do you make money online? It'd be neat if you could share that with the rest of us. Also, good luck with everything!
>>29322862
Good for you anon. Fuck those jerks.
Do you have the urge to rape? Serious question...
>>29322897
I make money from torrents. Its not ethical or legal money but I'm doing what I can. It would take a lot of time to teach you. I'd have to spoon feed you. I wasted years reading make money online books etc but linkbucks etc is not real. Sorry.
Tfw was raped by baby sitters sons when I was 5.
>>29320626
>tfw ugly ass girl got more action than I have
> Tfw my mother abandoned me.
> Father beat the shit out of me.
> Scumbag family always fucking me over.
> 23yo with no ambition or goals.
> Fat as hell because food was a comfort when I was a kid.
... Fuck it? What do you do when the world doesn't have a place for you
>>29323645
Become a neet
Tell society to fuck itself
>>29320626
I was, brother
got beat on a regular basis by both of my parents
it started off with just pushing me down and kicking me or punching me in the head
but then they started choking me and hitting me with the home phone or pots/pans
once i was going up the steps (bear crawling up the steps because i was only 8 and loved being autistic ) and my dad pulled me all the way back down them by my hair and i fractured my ankle
after my brother was born a year later the abuse slowed down
but i still got punched in the head any time I did something wrong
now as an adult if i mess up i feel myself reaching to hit my head and often i do punch myself for being "wrong"
(I've never been abused, my Dad would get the belt if I was really bad, but it wasn't abuse)
It makes me mad to see that there are parents that treated you and the other abused anons, so poorly. It just infuriates me because no child deserves to be abused. I'm sorry that you guys had to go through abuse during your childhoods.
>>29321242
this is the first time that i heard of someone else crying when people are too nice , i do it too and feel better now for it hope you have a good day dude
>>29322893
that's a very hard thing to come to terms with , i hope you're okay and have someone to talk to maybe
>>29320626
r u serious or joking
>>29323645
smoke weed.
you'd be surprised at how much more you eat, and how much you lose in weight
>>29324145
Because that's how weight loss works.
I smoke weed daily. I've also lost 100lbs. Still fat. Still miserable. Still alone. It is what it is
>>29320626
Hoo boy. Let's go down the list. Trauma is fun.
>mom pretty much went criminally insane from giving birth to me; high fever and toxemia. multiple infections/fevers from her stitches re-opening a bunch, she's in prison now
>beaten senseless by dad for very minor infractions (Spill Gatorade? Belt.); beaten into the wall so that I rebounded off of it, bteana against the wall, beaten while being held up by my hair like a pinata, beaten onto the ground and then while I was on the ground, picked up and throttled, lots of fun stuff
>threatened with disfigurement, humiliation, mutilation, pain, starvation, death (not specifically, of course, but with death-inducing injury), and abandonment constantly
>flat-out told that if I ever ran away or tried to get help or went to the police, I'd just be brought back and punished severely for it (You know those "camps" that basically kidnap children in the middle of the night and "whip them into shape?" Parents spoke highly of those and threatened me with them.)
>knew it was true because stepmom worked for social services
>stepmom isn't a murderer, but only because my (step)siblings and I can duck and dodge
>used to tell me that if I didn't like how I was being treated I should go run off and find my mommy
>pretty sure she tried to fuck me; left before I could find out
>moved like 6 times
>Cinderella is not too much of an extreme comparison for how much I was made to clean (ever scrub your door?) while stepmom barricaded herself in her room and got high, only emerging to scream at us and throw/break shit
>in high school, paid for my own gas, insurance, toiletries, food, clothing, entertainment, etc., basically everything but utilities, while stepmom got herself $300 massages and ounces of pot multiple times a month
>stepmom flat-out allowed her 20-year-old friend from my other sister's soccer practice to fuck my little sister (middle school) under her own roof, in addition to letting her drink
(CONT)
>>29324483
(CONT)
>from puberty onward, constantly vilified for being male by stepmom, who watched pretty much nothing except rape dramas, lifetime movies, and Law and Order: SVU; told that I was sex-crazed and dangerous and that testosterone was bad
>actually pretty pissed-off from all the years of abuse, but repressing it (seriously, I didn't even speak up because I knew it would have horrible consequences) and never violent; I guess my "posture" and the way I carried my shoulders and my "tone" made me a "bully" and that I clearly "hated women," the solution to which was for stepmom to have my dad to show me who the "alpha male" was by attacking an eleven-year-old
>seriously, she'd flat-out lie and make shit up to sic him on me and watch with this huge fucking grin/smirk
>stepmom would lie about me and make shit up to the rest of my family and the people around me in order to isolate me and ensure that any abuse I got was "deserved," and she'd say it over the phone while looking right at me
>neglected in regards to healthcare despite being made to pick up stepmom's many expensive prescriptions for her; forced to suck it up even if I was literally coughing up blood; best I could hope for were expired antibiotics from 6 years ago that they fished out of the garage because new ones were "too expensive"
>meanwhile, massages for her
>stepmom knew I had Sensory Processing Disorder (hell, she even took me to therapy for it back when she still had a shred of her humanity), and used it against me
>Can't hit him because you're too much of a coward? Attack him with sound!
>had frequent ear infections; stepmom would deliberately slam things and make loud nouises when I did just to hurt me
>stepmom stole 6k of my sister's money from her (as in, money she made herself) and insisted that it was owed for raising her
I could go on. Unsurprisingly, I'm a runaway.
>>29324680
Please go on, I'd like to know more
>>29320626
The bible says you are to honor your parents and that means you have to obey everything they say. They don't have to love you and they don't have any responsibility to take care of you. Honor your rapist father and neglectful mother or go to Hell.
>>29321359
>>29321487
>>29322389
I can explain the thought process.
>only bad people abuse their children
>but anon says I abused him
>but I'm a good person
>therefore anon is lying
You'll never get that apology you're looking for except maybe on their deathbed. Don't hold your breath though.
>>29323071
>tfw no older aunty type lady that raped you when you were a little shota
Our old maid fucked my little brother
Lucky fucker
>>29320687
>i drove my mom around to go have sex with other dudes for pill money
Why the fuck would you do this?
>>29324781
>had a girlfriend in high school
>stepmom actually tried to break us up by blocking her on my phone and then texting her lies and shit-talk about me from her own
>bitch tried to blow a fuse by jamming a safety piun into my electrical socket; never been sure if she wanted to start a fire, to set a trap for me, or to
>tried to kick me in the head for pointing out that I was the only member of our family who hadn't fried at least 5 phones and that I took pretty good care of my one (context: "You should be more careful with your phone."); threatened to cut the phone lines when we got home so that I couldn't contact the police
>I tucked and rolled from the van at 35 mph and I'm pretty sure she tried to hit me
>basically had my birthday (July) taken away from me one year as punishment for being caught getting a blowjob in April
Bear in mind that I was a fantastic kid, too, and that by high school, I was pretty much the adult in the house. Dad was gone working and he paid the utilities and tuition. Stepmom's only contribution was punishment. I drove the girls around and paid for a lot of their shit, on top of all of my own. It was this weird, fucked-up situation where I was independent aside from utilities (and really, I could have just lived out of my car with my gym membership, and actually did for a while), and the only adult in the house, but i could still have things taken away or withheld from me because SHE was "the mom."
You want to know how I know I was the only thing holding shit together? The moment I left, the whole family dissolved and split up. I don't even feel guilty. A while later, I busted my sister out of that house and let her crash with me (other one stuck with mommy, holding out for her to change), so it's not like I abandoned anybody.
>>29321359
Remind them on their deathbeds and just leave before they can apologize. Seriously. It wouldn't even be unethical of you to do that.
>>29320626
>>29320638
Yeah, this is true. It's not easy and frankly you might lose your mind trying to become a new person. I almost did. And because of my age there's a teeny tiny chance I might lose my mind anyway. It took my entire life so far to figure out that the abuse I was put through had a face, a name, and that I was still wounded by it. It hasn't been easy knowing that they will never apologize for it and that they will always deny what happened. At least now I can start building my own life, rather than the life people want me to live.
Sexually abused by my older cousin for 4 years, starting at when i was around 5 and ending around 9. I never said anything because i was scared to and thought it was normal even though I absolutely hated it and couldnt stand being around him. Apparently it was happening to my little sister, as well. She speaks up, and I also say its happening to me. Parents believe us, but they're the only ones who do. Accused of trying to rip the family apart. My grandma thinks that 1. we're making it up, 2. if something is happening, my dad is doing it, not the cousin. We get asked to draw penises and get asked tons of questions by therapists to test if its really happening. Apparently they get enough information to order him to juvie (he's 15 by the time my sister says anything but he's been abusing me for 4+ years) His mom (my aunt) moves out of the state, everything goes away and he escapes having to go to juvie.
He fathers 3 kids with different teenaged mothers at 15,16 and 17. He's in and out of jail for the rest of his life for gang related shit.
Ive developed avoidant personality disorder and a repulsion towards anything sexual.
>>29320638
No, you absolutely can't, and that's the end of it.
You can be a different person. You can decide to live in such a way that you're not allowing the years of abuse to affect you more than it inevitably will. Things CAN get better. You can minimize the damage that the abuse continues to do. You can raise children of your own who you don't abuse the same way, and you can break the cycle.
Nothing ever erases an action, though. Noothing undoes anything. "Getting over it" and choosing not to let it bog your future down doesn't negate the pain and hatred inflicted upon you, and neither does forgiveness. You cannot undo 20 years of hate and spite, simply by merit of the fact that the past is immutable. And whether you want to acknowledge it or not, a large portion of the damage done is permanent and irreparable if it happened during your formative years, and no choice you make and no measure of willpower or love will ever reverse it.
That's the stone-cold truth.
>>29324853
Aaaaand that's why the bible is just toilet paper.
>>29322849
Holy shit I've thought that exact thing, the African child fallacy it should be called
