do you remember when you were young, open and friendly? what happened? you just shut down and stopped sharing with others, you don't take risks anymore, you're afraid of everyone.
why?
>>25194953
by age 4 I was ignoring friends to play vidya so no, not really
>>25194953
I'm not afraid of anyone, but I stopped and shut down because I realized at around nine that no one else was writing code, loved computers, science, or mathematics. Just by sharing my interest for these topics alone made everyone's eyes glaze over (including teachers) and made me feel autistic. So, I stopped going to school and never really looked back.
>tfw doing better than everyone
>tfw never really spend money but saving it to give away to those that I actually care about when I die
>>25194953
When i went to middleschool, all my friends but one fucking asshole either were a grade lower or went to the other middleschool or just fucking ignored me. I see this as the turning point in my life.
>>25194953
>what happened?
People started caring about how their social status and didn't want to hang out with the tard any-more.
Then I got used to being alone.
To shield myself from rejection I have been conditioned to receive.
Things are easier when you are young and naive. I never really fitted in, other kids took me to play with them and all but I still felt like an outsider. First I thought it was because I was younger than others, then we moved and I started thinking it was because I was from somewhere else. Then with the puberty the feels hit me. I had no real friends, only acquaintances. People dropped their toys and stopped playing games, they stood in circles and talked and I had no idea what they were doing. When ever I got exited about something nobody cared and they told me to shut the fuck up and be normal. So I did, I did shut the fuck up.
>>25194953
Puberty, I got an eating disorder, and body dysmorphic disorder. I can't say for sure if I still would have gotten those things had I not been bullied, but I did get bullied for my body almost every day. I wasn't even fat I guess my brother just needed someone to psychologically torture. Feels bad man, even though i know I'm doing healthy to eat it still takes me almost an hour and I can't even finish. My skin is getting old and wrinkly, my teeth are horrible, I'm getting dumber, I don't even leave the house or see people but I still can't help but be hyperaware of my flaws and the rolls of fat on my stomach and my flabby thighs and ugh I hate myself. I just wanna be skelly for once, I'm such a lazy autistic piece of shit. Also in middleschool my only friends in the world went off to go impress stacy's so I was left all alone all through high school, I didn't have the normal opportunities to go make mistakes and have fun. I was always on my fucking computer, worried people were gonna shun me for my "ugliness", I don't even have a personality anymore. One of those shell people. I also didn't let myself do anything with other people, because I was always a weird loser who said strange shit and sometimes was an asshole, I didn't want to have friends because I thought I had to better myself first before I was worthy of their company, and also i have this fear of fucking up socially or coming across as stupid. As a result, I became even more of a recluse, dropped out of school, got addicted to weed, and am now a stupid person.
I've never been open and friendly.
My parents say that when I was in preschool I would always run away from everyone else and hide in the corner. I was literally born to be alone and suffer.
I always got along better with older people than ones my own age.
That was pretty cool when I was 18 and all my friends were 25+ with their own places to party at, cool cars, awesome social connections, etc, it's not so cool now that I'm 29 and my friends are all 35-40 with wives and kids.
>>25196497
BDD also has ruined my life. Since I was 13 I haven't been able to look at myself without seeing a disgusting monster.
Why is there no cure yet, damn.
>>25196534
Same things with me. I also think it somewhat fed my inferiority complex when everyone I knew were so much more experienced than me.
>>25196550
"Just be realistic brah" "love yourself" "body positivity" "blah blah blah you just want attention" "I have bad days too" "you look fine!" "It's all about perception" those are your cures
in all seriousness though, yah, I want to just wear a mask or feel ok with being an ugly person, or even just blend in, but instead I hide myself away and miss out on experience and stress myself to death, always missing the mark :'( I'm 18 going on 19 and I'm still pulling this same weak emo pity shit, seeing myself as a blimp and a freak. I can't just let myself be, I even see people bigger than me or just normal sized and not give them any mind, it's how they look, BUT ME I'M GROTESQUE OH CAN'T LET YOURSELF GET AWAY WITH THAT WTF IS CONFIDENCE LMAO
bump bcause robo feels 2.0 pseudo-threadcool kids allowed only no normies
im still young but i have friends. some of them i grew up with in elementary school, most i grew up with in middle school, some from high school. having a squad is cool.
Throughout middle school and half of high school I was an introvert though. I think that's one of the main reasons why my head is so fucked. If I wasn't crazy introvert things could have been different and I could have had more friends and relationships...
...but then I again I always think to myself - what if I stayed introvert? where would I be if that were the case. I love my boys to death but I just keep feeling like I could have been better off. That one day I finally said I wanted to chill with my friends; one single sentence changed my social status and life. what if I never did. how the fuck would things be? I can't stop thinking about it, makes me fucking crazy
3rd grade was the turning point of my life. I was class president most popular kid and the smartest kid. I could have chosen to be popular but I chose to study. Now I'm a high school senior turned 18 in October
>inb4 underage
and I'm a friendless faggot. All I got going for me is valedictorian and a couple scholarships. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice.
I'm still very young so there's time for change, but I don't talk to people my age because they're stupid and unaware people and I don't talk to people older than me cause I often get patronized. I am more comfortable talking about my problems with my internet friend(s) than I am with anyone in my real life.
I'm 30, going to community college and barely anyone interacts with me and vice versa. I take STEM so the classes are straight lecture and I guess if doesn't bother me most of the time but it's still fucked up. I mean I despise most of them anyways. I'm just not gonna pretend to be friendly with them for shits and giggles.
It's possible some of them have tried reaching out to me via social media but I don't have one so I'm that weird guy that doesn't have Facebook heh
Although mainly I just feel this sense of disdain for plebs because I don't see anything of value or uniqueness in them. Forget study groups because I basically bullshitted the whole semester and came out with 4 A's and a B
