Stop being so negative, hon. Girls love confidence :)

How can you be confident if you have no reason to?

We didn't get positive attention like Chad. We got repeatedly BTFO.

Try not to define your self-worth by your sexual exploits. One of the keys to understanding women is to remember that most of them don't think about/value sex as much as men. It's hard to do, (because you're biologically wired against it) but try to focus on cultivating entirely platonic relationships with women. It's important that you don't view these friendships as a path to hooking up with the women, but more in terms of learning how they think. Dudes who complain about the friendzone are idiots. If you are incapable of being "just friends" with a female then you are incapable of a healthy romantic relationship.

>>27981862

I'm confident in areas I have reason to be. Just with girls I'm not, for obvious reasons.

> get friends who are girls

How? Remember where you are.

>>27981954
You said you can't handle rejection, but what if there's no chance of rejection? Would approaching women give you the same amount of anxiety? What I mean is, if you talk to a woman with no expectations, there's nothing for her to reject. If she can tell that you aren't talking to her as a girl (potential mate) but as a person why would she be anything but cordial? And if she is a cunt, then she's probably a cunt to most strangers, and why would you worry about it?

>>27981954
How old are you anon? Are you in school or do you work? It's a lot easier to make friends when you're in a neutral place and the conversation can be about a mutual experience rather than just approaching strangers and trying to initiate from nothing

>>27982470

25, no longer in school, no friends, work alone.

>>27981954
that's where you go wrong bud
spread that confidence around, how do you think chads get this confident?

>>27982530

By growing into it?

> ohmygod he's so dreamy, I'm going to marry him
> anonette, you're 11
> alright, I'll just go kiss him
> meanwhile Chad has a line of girls coming onto him and he hasn't even gone through puberty yet

Seriously, point me a Chad who wasn't born one.

>gain confidence from things that have nothing to do with girls
>spend time with mixed groups to become accustomed to people
>slowly build up to romance

>>27982502
do you live in a city? If so there are a lot of activities you can find to just be around people. Isolation is the worst thing if you actually want a gf (obviously).
Another thing you can try is make a dating profile and specifically say you are looking for just platonic friendship. Craigslist also has the "strictly platonic" section. I really do think its important to have real friendships with no sexual expectations before you try to get a gf. If you don't, the best you can hope for is finding a girl who has just as many intimacy issues as you (never good)

>>27981647
Harden your heart.

>>27982700

Small city. Lots of bars, but I don't drink. There aren't really any hobby groups if you mean shit like that.

> dating site
I'll probably join one when I've sunk deep enough.

> gf with intimacy issues
HNNNG where do I get one? Shy, afraid of people, clingy, yandere, etc.

>>27982574
There's a middle ground between Chad and normie. I've always been bad at sports, mostly unattractive, and about 30-40 lbs overweight. But I've never had any problems making friends with most people around me, including girls. I'll admit there's been times in the past that I've gotten down on myself because my chad friends get way hotter girls than me or because a lot of the girls I was good friends with didn't see me as a romantic prospect. But if you aren't a social retard and can read how people actually feel about you, it isn't hard. If you can tell a girl isn't attracted to you, be non threatening and don't make advances on her. If you aren't sure, take it real slow and you'll figure out if shes open to it soon enough. If you can't manage that, then you're the problem not everyone else.

>>27982812
they're called ugly girls. you ok with that?

>>27983002

As long as they're not fat and above 2/10, I'm fine.
> tfw no Hanako burn scar victim gf

The robot loop is hard to break out of but here's what I've been doing.

I used to just smoke weed, drink, eat fast food, work, vidya, and sleep. After about 4 years of this it got really old. Used to love it when I started though. So I was getting fat and lazy. I'd be tired all the time and the biggest change I wanted was to have some more energy.

So I bought a fitness tracker and found the average male walks 10,000 steps a day. With my normal activity I netted around 3-4k every day. Since then I've really just focused on walking more. I park a little farther away from work. I take my time going down every isle at the grocery store. I offer to get things for people or do things for them to gain some extra steps. It's like an experience bar counter. I have to fill the "circle" on my watch every day. A full circle is 10,000 steps.

I found after a few weeks of doing this that it wasn't enough. So I hit the treadmil for about 30 minutes a day that I'm below step count. After that I started really feeling great. Tons more energy. I'm eating a lot better because I don't want to ruin my weight loss progress on MyFitnessPal.

You guy should try it. All you need to get is a smartphone and a smartwatch or fitness tracker.

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>>27981647
Look at it this way - Let us say you don't have the attention span to read a book. Do you:
Try and read War and Peace in one sitting, get frustrated and quit.
OR
Set yourself a target of 5 pages a day on a book you really like the sound of. Increase that to 10 pages a day next week. And so on, and so on.

Which is the better option?

People here often have a cold turkey type attitude. You just make it. It happens. Done. Life isn't built that way. You have to make incrimental build ups. Then while doing that you will make mistakes but it is how you learn to cope with the mistakes that improves you.

Everything is a learning curve.

>>27983121

B-but I'm not fat, I'm a cardiobunny in decent shape.

>>27981647
There's a very simple solution anon, pay for sex.

>>27983210
> tfw I would try to read War and Peace
> tfw I would succeed

It's not really comparable with girls, takes two to tango. I have mastered several learning curves by hopping in the deep end, instead of small incremental progress.

I can't make someone like me with pure willpower.

>>27983247
Local basic whores charge way too much. Pussy is not worth 200/h, and the hot ones charge even more.

>>27983340
>It's not really comparable with girls, takes two to tango. I have mastered several learning curves by hopping in the deep end, instead of small incremental progress.
>I can't make someone like me with pure willpower.
You are kinda missing the entire point. Sure, there are some situations where you can jump into the deep end. I in no waysaid that you cannot. But the point is that things are a journey and building them up, learning to overcome obstacles is better than repeated failure and depressing cycles.

Of course it takes two to tango but you aren't going to become Romeo over night. People do need to socialize more. Get decent routines and improve themselves. Many people on /r9k/ feel less socially developed. you can either wish for a miracle or make it happen.

>>27983550

How? As mentioned above, I'm old and alone. My small city does not have any opportunities like hobby groups. I have no place to grind for exp.

>>27981673
lol, dont forget to just beee yourself

>>27983340
>can't make someone like me with pure willpower.
You have to identify why they don't. Are you weird? Do you smell bad? Do you ever leave your house? Do you dress well? Do you empathize with people, and take their feelings into account when you interact with them?

If girls don't like you, its your problem not theirs. Seriously think about yourself and identify the personal shortcomings that contributed to your issues with people. Figure out the ones that are within your power to fix and fix them. If you honestly do that to the best of your ability and are still alone, anhero. Or just accept a solitary existence. There are worse things

>>27983239
this isn't about you, attention whore. go shit up a /soc/ thread, stupid cunt.

>>27983626
Then move. Or find a new job where you're able to interact with people and make friends. Or give up. You make it seem like these are your only options. I'm guessing they aren't, but you would know better than I

>>27983626
1. It isn't a grind. You have to ease yourself into things you enjoy. If it is a grind you won't enjoy things or improve.
2. A lot of people have small town syndrome (even if they live in big places) and think there is NOTHING going on. Explore more. There is bound to be something.

>>27983095
If you are seriously ok with a 3/10 you can definitely find one on the internet or at a bar

>>27982353
not the guy you replyed to but your insight might help me.

Im fearful and anxious around male and female ( even those I am not attracted to) Im also scared of rejection in terms of friendship.

how would I work on this?

>>27984105
1 quick tip- people like to feel valued and helpful. So a good way to meet someone is to as for their help. Not in an annoying way, but like something that would require expertise. After they help you, be overly grateful and say you owe them one. If you do this right, you brighten their day by making them feel capable and helpful, and it's a way to meet and begin talking to someone.

Don't break the hoop, understand it. If you're lucky and dedicated you will ascend into wizardhood

>>27984105>>27984606
The reverse of this is to try to put yourself in situations where you can help others. It gives you confidence and how could someone reject you if they see you're just trying to help them without expecting anything in return?

>>27984819
>>27984606
Thank you for the advice
I do volunteering every two weeks when I have free time.

Is there anything I can do to get over the fear of rejection or anxiety around male and females?