Who /schizophrenic/ here? I had an episode yesterday where I threatened my mom's life and trashed the house. Good stuff. I'm also a depressed Virgin.
>>27865744
sweeeeeeeeeet op
>>27865744
Not schizo, but genuinely sympathize with you.
I've dropped acid and if your thoughts were anything like mine on that trip, well I feel bad for you man. Legit felt like someone cracked my brain open like an egg and just scrambled the insides around.I did feel much, much more creative though. Wrote some out of this world poetry.
If you don't mind, what were you thinking/hearing/seeing during the episode?
>>27865744
I got in a deep depression for 3 years, got better last year.
Now i'm slowly going back do darkness again.
I can feel it.
>be bpd
>even other mental illness bros shit on me
Fuck you
>>27865744
why did u threaten to kill ur mum?
>>27865968
Maybe because people with BPD are the most obnoxious, manipulating and egoistical people around. Almost got involved with a girl that had it, she legitimately acted like a psychopath.
>>27865744
That is not schizophrenia you idiot, your just being an asshole.
>>27866006
Nice confirmation bias, anon
>>27865968
I know that feel.
I've just resolved myself with the fact that I'll probably be shut off from people for the rest of my life. Probably for the best in the end.
>>27866006
>i hate you for having a particular flavor of mental illness
>youre totally acting like that because you want to, stop pretending
>my problems are more real than your problems
>tfw schizo with regular night terrors.
>>27866329
This
>>27866290
We both know the only thing you really want is to do the opposite, anon.
>>27866418
>We both know the only thing you really want is to do the opposite, anon.
No shit, but I know I'm dangerous and that my thought processes are severely dysfunctional/damaged. Thus, I keep away from people for my own good and theirs.
How I feel about anything and everything changes every 15-20 minutes anyway, so loneliness is no big deal most of the time.
>>27865744
It's funny how these faggot little white boys with schizophrenia never act out near black people who will fuck them up. They only act out near their parents, mental health officials, and people who won't do anything about it.
>>27866022
>your
at least op isn't illiterate
>>27866491
It's funny how long it lasted before you tried to derail this pretty decent thread. It's funny how the robot acts.
>>27866477
It is a big deal, anon. Go out there and find what's good for you, don't just run away from what's bad. The misery eating you alive from the inside can't be quelled by anime girls.
>>27866491
>group of muslims pull a knife on me
>hear them yelling kill him kill him quick
>swing for one of them for fear of my life
>they kick the shit out of me and take my money and phone
>they probably were yelling give us your phone or some shit like that
it happens anon
>>27866491
It's funny how you don't seem to understand population distribution and location. Why would an robot w/ brain problems go to ghetto places (or new places in general) in the first place?
Most of us are shut-ins, and just because your mom invites Jamal over on the weekend, doesn't mean everyone's does.
>>27866560
I hate muslims. European anon?
>>27866578
Didn't your mother ever tell you to ignore the shitposters?
>>27866587
UK live right inbetween an estate filled of violent muslims and one filled with chavs
not to bad though since I rarely leave my flat
>>27865856
Thanks. I didn't see anything or hear anything actually. It's weird because I normally do.
Why is it people who have schizophrenia only have their little "episodes" near people who won't fuck them up. Are they too pussy to have their episodes in dangerous situations?
tl;dr schizophrenia is a lie and it's just an excuse to get free money and free pills from the government.
>>27866477
>>27866529
is there hope for genuine human contact though? advise me, seemingly-more-experienced BPD-kuns.
I know I wasn't like this always (at least not so severely), so I'm trying to revert myself to the better, earlier times when I was actually a real person with real wishes and attitudes, and honestly it isnt even that fucking hard to do when you're currently a clean slate personal-values-wise. Am I just fooling myself that it will work?
I know that isolating myself only has fucked me up worse, especially with the interactions with muh shitty parents being a larger portion of my overall human contact than when I was making friends through my devious ways
>>27866529
Perhaps I should explain a bit more.
I've had friends, I've gone "out there" and I've found nothing. Nothing is ever enough for me, because I am a black hole. My friends never did me any good whatsoever, much less I them. I am a stereotypical Borderline personality, driven by rudderless emotional turns and a pervading emptiness that slowly consumes me each time I interact with another human being. I'm really no good for anyone, just about every friendship I've had has ended in disaster. It doesn't matter how much I try to engage with another person, I am simply incompatible with human beings.
"Go out", "try new things" and the like doesn't work when it comes to people like me. I'm pretty much a monster.
>>27866662
In my country it isn't generally reported in the media (there are guidelines for what to publish and what not) but the police regulary has to get involved with schizo's who act out in public. (65 thousand instances a year with a population of 17 million)
>bipolar type 1
>OCD
>paraphilia
going to see my shrink tomorrow, he said he wants to change a few things about the way we're conducting my exposure and response prevention therapy. I'm a little nervous- my anxiety is actually starting to go down during the sessions and I don't want to go back to being a complete fucking wreck.
>>27866727
do you ever consider devoting your life to charity work or something that will benefit others, to compensate for your complete inability to have positive social interaction?
>>27866788
Not the guy you responded to, but are you a Dutchbot?
>>27866724
I can't help you, sorry. I didn't even know I had BPD until last year, but since learning of my condition a lot of things fell into place. Just about every friendship I had seemed to be a marathon exercise of balancing my desperation and need for affection and understanding with subduing my true nature and habits (which would eventually unravel with time, causing them to leave) to keep them close to me.
My Borderline has only gotten worse as time goes on. Even reading the news is enough to bring me to the point of either tears or a blind rage, and I'm having trouble putting thoughts and words together. Maybe you'll be different.
>>27866837
Yes. It was in the news recently that the number of incidents with confused people have increased the last couple of years. The reform in mental healthcare is blamed
>>27866882
The old system was so much better and the cuts in heathcare really don't help. I've contantly switched therapists because of it.
>>27866724
>>27866727
The thing about bpd, anon, is that even the good things will hurt. You're isolating yourself because you've become overwhelmed by everything, but what has your life become like now? I've been isolating myself for the past two years, as well, but I've been slowly dragging myself out of it. I don't want to. I really don't want to. But what else can we do? God fucking hates us so he took away from us what normal people have that makes them satisfied with something, anything. We will never be full, we will always be empty, but the only thing worse than being empty and unsatisfied is being empty and unstimulated. We don't have anything else to do, anon, but keep on trying. That's what normal people do, too. The only difference is that with us, the tiniest reason is the greatest excuse to give up.
In truth, I don't have any advice, anon. I don't have the answers, I don't have the questions. I don't have anything but dissociation and raging emotions. I don't have enough anything. The only thing I can hope for is just that I can still feel.
There aren't any secrets to how to move on. Not that I know of, anyway. I really hope you can find something, anon. Anything. I just hate to see others like this. I really hope things get better for you.
Have you done any dbt?
>>27865856
Are you me?
Doing hallucinogenics has really taught me how fragile the human mind is.
Just one slight chemical imbalance and you might be completely unable to form a single thought. I have a LOT of empathy for people suffering from mental conditions now.
>>27866803
I'm really trying not to sound like an Evanescence song here, but fuck others. If I'm self-aware enough to recognize that my own being is a never-ending clusterfuck, then I should know that getting involved with other people is only painful and uncertain in the long run because they're all clusterfucks as well.
More to the point, I fail to see how putting myself through more pain by way of forced, prolonged interaction with other people will benefit me in any way. I don't need to "compensate" for anything.
This "pain" I keep bringing up isn't some shallow kerfuffle that I can just get over with a broader outlook. I punch my own face and cut up my arms because interacting with other people hurts so much. I am fundamentally damaged on multiple levels, and I am beyond redemption. Staying inside is probably for the best.Which is fine, really. I'm selfish anyway, so a selfish existence suits me.
Not to shit on anyone but just because I experienced it myself:
NEVER date a borderliner.
These are the people that will make you feel like gods for the first part of the relationship.
>help them fix their life
>receive infinite affection
>plan your life together
>after year 2 original mental problems re-appearing
>random crying/needing attention
>develops to decreased sex drive
>leads to arguments
>leads to you suddenly trying to regain god-status
>leads to shift in power-dynamics
>spend the rest of your relationship trying to regain the favor of someone who will slowly grow more distant and manipulative only to break up with you/cheat on you a while later and hate YOU for it.
These people will make you feel like a king among kings in the beginning but they'll destroy your life and leech off your soul and then despise your guts for it in hindsight.
If you ever trust a single thing an anon on 4chan said let it be this post.
>schizoid pd
>ruined all my friendships by being an aloof asshole
oh well
at least relationships aren't a big deal to me
i will live as a neet
>>27866790
OP here. I think I'd rather have my schizophrenia than bipolar 1. Everything I've heard about it sounds horrible
>>27867118
Someone who may be a bit borderline here and I can confirm that we can love the shit out of you like no other but honestly tell me then why do you have to be SO MEAN?
The only real people who can handle a borderline is a narcissist, it's actually a pretty cosy fucked-up match.
>>27867224
I am a narcissist which is why the relationship held for almost 5 years.
It was uncanny for outsiders how well everything went and for us at first too.
Problems started when I hit a rough patch in my life and couldn't keep up the image I had created of myself.
I also started getting mean because I could sense that I'd be losing her this way but considering what I had gone through with her when we first met I still feel sad that she couldn't pull herself together a bit more for me during that time.
Borderliners ARE great if you're a narcissist but don't expect them to not take a huge dump right on your chest the second something in your life is mis-aligned.
I honestly still love that person but she almost destroyed me and she did her best to delude herself into thinking that I'm actually an evil person.
>>27867224
Why a narcissist? I'd figure these people would be very incomparable since the narcissist cares too much about himself and his own image to care about your problems or emotions.
/avoidant/
I'm afraid of going back to my therapist though, it doesn't feel like it's helping
>>27867177
when I'm unmedicated, it's worse than living hell
>shifts in manic and depressive episodes are not predictable, only know it's coming on a couple hours before
>most episodes are depressive, and not reddit-tier "my life is so hard, my gf broke up with me, waaah" depression, like comatose, not showering eating or sleeping for days/weeks on end, can't work, can't see anyone, no medication or therapy helps kind of depression
>delusions, paranoia, physical symptoms start setting in just a little bit before the mania kicks in
>sometimes it starts as hypomania, where I can function better than a normal person, have all the energy and enthusiasm in the world, extremely sociable, well spoken, super productive- this is when I'd get new jobs, make new friends and try to "reconnect" with all the people I couldn't contact in the previous weeks
>then the mania
>completely psychotic, homicidal, delusions of grandeur, would spend all of my savings in a couple of days on booze, travel, expensive clothes, sex toys, weapons, 5-star hotels and meals
>could be someone close to me who trusted me, could be a complete stranger, but I'd be extremely dangerous
>the worst part is my actions were completely unpredictable, and I'd often travel long distances so there was no accounting for my location or actions there
>would sometimes come out of it on the floor of my room, surrounded by bottles of liquor, walls/clothes/floor smeared with blood or mud, obviously had been crying hysterically
>would sometimes lock myself in my room for a couple of days when I noticed that the mania was coming on so I wouldn't hurt anyone
>was TERRIFIED of telling anyone or getting help, thought I was beyond any sort of aid and that I'd go to prison for life or an insane asylum for life
I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm properly treated now, haven't had a manic episode in two years, but every fucking day I am filled with dread and absolute fucking terror that it will happen again.
>>27865744
>tfw depression
>tfw broke down in tears in front of my mother today
>doing more therapy soon
>maybe getting anti-depressants
Also a virgin OP.
>Seeing and creating opportunities to help lift myself from this "depression"
>Getting ready to do it
>When it comes down to it, freak out and run away
Fucking kill me
>tfw avoidant personality
>tfw only happy when stoned
>tfw not stoned now
>>27867177
..... Really at least if your bi polar you can choose to grow up and stop being mentally ill.
With being a schizo your crazy forever. Hear and see shit for life enjoy your shadow monsters and demon voices op.
>>27867385
Op have anymore stories you care to share this is very interesting.
>>27867365
You have a wrong idea of what a narcissist is.
I'm a narcissist but not in the least bit arrogant/agressive or whatever other traits you might associate with it.
In a psychological sense it has often to do more with how you want others to perceive you and less with how you actually perceive yourself.
I for instance have an incredebly low self-esteem but I'm still a grade-a narcissist. I'm sarcastic/insulting/funny in my personality as a shield and all the rest of my habits are based around making a good impression on people. I spend a lot of money on the people I want to like me in the form of food/little presents/smoking them out simply becaus I want to be liked. This isn't fueled by actual altruism but by my severe need to be liked.
Borderliners will whorship you at the start of the relationship giving the narcissist a good buffer between that person and his own ego. He never has to actually let the borderliner come too close since the borderliner will always be content idolizing the false image you have created. They don't even really care about your true nature.
As long as you manage to keep the power balance in the relationship that way everything is fine. The second the borderliner starts doubting you is the second at which a pit of hate and scorn will be opened.
The borderliner will start withholding intimacy making the narcissist insecure. The narcissist will now react with agression/confronatation since he is still in his fake-image. This is only a farce though and he'll start to crack and show his true, vulnerable self.
This is where the borderliner will lose all respect, start to hate you, not have sex anymore and probably is already busing looking for the next best option.
Be warned anons. I'd rather be a KHV forever than to go through that breal-up again. It's like having a person die only that they are not actually gone, they just hate you so fucking much for literally no reason that they might aswell be.
I have autism and went to the doctors to talk about feelings now he's prescribed me olanzapine, does this means he thinks i'm schizophrenic or bipolar?
>>27866491
>white boys
Wow racist much?
>>27867462
I think you might be me.
I only just now read up on avoidant personality disorder and it describes me perfectly.
I CAN'T deal with rejection/criticism at all. Every time I make new friends I will abandon them after a few weeks if I feel like I made a mistake along the way.
I also posted >>27867591
At this point my life basically consists of getting high and browing the internet. Putting in new applications is already too much since I couldn't deal with being turned down.
Every negative judgement of my character shakes me deeply. I either get reall irate or really sad depending on who said it.
>>27867543
sure famalam
>the scariest thing about mania is that I was aware of what I was doing on a very, very low level- kind of like when you're dreaming, you know what's going on but you can only influence your actions a little bit, if at all
>over time I was becoming less and less aware of what was happening, until I was blacking out for up to days at a time, and had no control over my actions
>this scared me more than anything has ever scared me in my life
>it was bad enough that I decided trying to get help and risking ending my life was a better alternative than living like that any longer
>went to a psychiatrist, didn't even have to explain anything, I looked like such a nightmare and was so out of it they had me sent to an asylum immediately
>while I was there I tried to describe my symptoms as best as I could, but I was too afraid to elaborate and they gave me the wrong diagnosis
>sent me to a hospital, who sent me to another hospital
>different diagnosis (major depression, personality disorders) and different meds (mostly SSRIs, fucking idiots) at every place
>most of the meds they gave me makes bipolar disorder worse, so I was in an even sorrier state when they were trying to help me than I was on my own
>when I got out I was so angry with the mental health institution I didn't try to get help again, relapsed badly and wound up in deep legal trouble
>court-ordered to see a forensic psychiatrist
>worst fears realized
I'll make another post to conclude
>>27866491
Kek. Absolutely true.
>>27867118
Thanks Anon I just realised my Ex was probably Borderline
>>27866945
Sorry for the delay.
havent done any therapy at all, to be honest. I'm only yet contemplating whether I should try it at all. I'm sorry to burst into your confirmed diagnoses circle with >muh online tests. But I recently had an epiphany after a personality disorders test, and I'm positive that I have it.
What makes me completely positive that I really have it is that I've read about BPD before during my worst periods in life, and whoever I would be mad on many times I would recognize him as having BPD.(pro-fucking-jection)
Thanks for your responses though (also to >>27866851), it really feels comforting to read about if from other real people. I hope I may be of similar help to you guys too.
Sorry again for claiming I have BPD without an actual professional diagnosis. I just feel like taking a more generalized life-fixing approach for now rather than have an inexperienced shrink (dont have money for a good one, nor to shop around) pick apart my mental health issues (there are some comorbid ones) one by one instead of realizing the big picture of my life.
I'm off now, though I may lurk in again some hours later.
>>27867818
It's the new hot meme disorder.
>>27867776
>he also thinks I have a personality disorder but at least recognizes the paraphilia
>chemically castrates me, pumps me full of meds to reduce the psychosis and drops me in group therapy
>become a zombie
>beg to be given individual therapy to try and deal with some of my issues
>he finally caves, I start seeing him and one of his assistants for two years, we make a lot of progress but my bipolar disorder is still untreated and we don't even know half of my symptoms are from OCD
>move out of state to try and run from all of the criminal bullshit, get a new therapist there who instantly recognizes I have bipolar
>he's furious with my prior therapists, demands all of their information and gets them all in a world of trouble for their negligence
>starts me on lithium and a few other meds to control my other symptoms
>feel like a completely different person, able to get a really good job, make friends, start to have a real life
>depression is still almost unbearable, exacerbated by the OCD (I still omitted a lot of my symptoms when I talked to my shrink for fear of more legal shit or getting sent back to the loony bin)
>meet someone on /r9k/ who basically saves my life and gets me out of the awful living situation I'm in
>get a new shrink, this one finally recognizes I have OCD and send me to someone who specializes in it
>depression starts to lift, confess all of my symptoms, he's heard it all before and we immediately start a treatment plan
>for the first time in my life I have hope that I'll be able to recover enough to live like a normal person
>the fear of hurting other people might just subside
>therapy is EXTEMELY intense and difficult but I'm pushing through it
>>27868025
I'm only depressed/avoidant but I can't imagine what it must've been like to have your first therapy attempt fail like that.
I was bretty close to killing myself before being hospitalized and the 2 months I spent there in the care of absolute fucking retards who couldn't tell depression from alzheimers definately could've pushed me over the edge.
Nothing is worse than finally trying to seek help and then have that last bit of hope crumble because they're incompetent, shitty people.
>>27868228
I didn't even mention the therapist my mother forced me to see when I was 16 who was a complete joke, or the psychologists I tried seeing while I was in the military (I lost count at the fifth one) who all thought I just had depression or SAD and prescribed me SSRIs. I tried for years to get help and everyone, EVERYONE failed me when I was at my worst, but I still kept trying knowing that it was my only shot at living a decent life.
The system is a fucking joke and the vast majority of the people in it are money-grubbing, jaded, absolutely useless (at best ) or downright harmful (at worst) assholes who are so used to people trying to take advantage of them or don't really need help that they just can't care anymore.
I consider myself unbelievably lucky to have found not one, but three doctors who are both competent and compassionate.
OP here again. Since the thread is successful, I think I should share some of my symptoms. I'm on 60mg latuda which has made a lot of these go away though.
>think people are following me everywhere and are placed there to monitor me
>think everyone is talking about me in public
>see people with demonic faces walking past me on the street
>hear people communicating with me telepathically (sometimes objects communicate with me too)
>think I murdered someone when I was a child
>think that demons are hunting me down and trying to take me to hell for killing the kid
>see visions of the Virgin mary because of my guilt
>see bright Flashing lights that I think are ghosts
>think people are poisoning my food
>hear footsteps when nobody's home
>see shadow people or demons
>often get Intrusive thoughts about killing strangers
>harming myself feels almost sexually satisfying
>think I'm being gangstalked
And the list goes on. I had to drop out of college because being on a busy campus made it worse.
>>27868348
>I consider myself unbelievably lucky to have found not one, but three doctors who are both competent and compassionate.
That's great. I think you're almost fucked if you're not able to research your illness on your own.
It's the same for regular ailments too If you're having something that people are not familiar with or that's a bit rarer you might aswell just kill yourself now if you're unable to operate google and objectively check for symptoms.
>>27868387
Can you notice when your episodes set in?
Like some epileptics who can feel a seizure coming for seconds to minutes before they come.
>>27868447
Absolutely. It feels like I'm being injected with dye for an mri. A very strange body feeling comes with it. It's fuzzy feeling
>>27868414
the issue I had was that my symptoms encompass a large number of illnesses, and I don't believe that self-diagnosing is reliable. I was the one that originally suggested to my shrink that I might be bipolar, and he informed me that he suspected as much as well, but it never occurred to me that my intrusive thoughts and compulsions to act on them were tell-tale signs of OCD until a competent psychologist pointed it out. their co-morbidity wasn't something that I considered, either, but it was plain as day to my current doctors. it's their job to recognize these things. I don't think the problem is patients being ill-informed, I think it's professionals being lazy, blind, or too jaded to care anymore. like car mechanics or dentists who would rather charge you for unnecessary procedures than to address the actual problem, except these issues can lead to infinitely worse problems.
>>27868447
The memes come on slowly, and then suddenly....pow.
>>27866491
Is that why niggers always back the fuck off from every white boy that displays what they perceive as crazy tendencies? Niggers are bitches when it comes to crazies. They'll back right the fuck off with their dicks between their legs.
>>27868387
woah dude trippy
atleast your life is a bit adventurous unlike ours.
Fight those demons boy!
>>27868387
Also on a sidenote.
I get intrusive thoughts aswell all the fucking time
Especially about killing people.
Like i might be walking next to a lady in the street and just imagine how it would be like bashing her fucking face in repeatedly on the cement until she is nothing but blood and pulp?
Is that schizo or?....
>have DPD
>have DID
>they think I might be schizo
there is no way in hell Im telling them about what I see or what I hear. I know they're usually not real but feel so real.
I dont want another mandatory inpatient stay.
I spent the other day obsessing over how I might be a schizophrenic but for the past two days the panic's gone
It's honestly a scary thing in itself that I made a quick change from feeling awful and panicked to the usual flat/sad
I got anxiety/depression because I'm a 23yo virgin who made terrible choices during all my youth socially and woke up about how I threw my life away and soon after some 19yo cutie was very interested in me. I did my best and I thought I managed to be alpha enough but she rejected me because I drooled when kissing. I told her about my powerlevels and she told me she would help me learn the basics but changed her mind after one time. We didn't even fuck but at least I came on her and the ssri jew helped me keep a boner for 2h but it's fucking awful to feel what love and affection is when you never experienced it and may never again. I ended in the hospital because I thought I was doomed by supernatural powers who humiliated me with ridiculous stuff.
>>27868638
Idk lots of mental illnesses come with Intrusive thoughts
>>27868638
it could be OCD. intrusive thoughts are a hallmark sign of OCD, either typical or purely obsessional. I get the same thing, and it's accompanied by an almost uncontrollable urge to act on the thoughts, which I counter by constantly reminding myself of the consequences of those actions. it's all in my head, not like the stereotypical hand-washing, door-knob and oven-checking kind of OCD, but that's what the diagnosis is, and that's what the kind of treatment is for.
it could be several different things, but the only way to find out for sure is to see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. you can talk to one about these things without fear of being institutionalized or arrested. you have not actually harmed anyone, stress that you have not done anything and that you have no intention of doing anything, that these thoughts cause you distress and you want to get rid of them, and they will only try to help you.
>>27868025
Wow are they just allowed to castrate you like that can you sue for malpractice. Since it was the other doctor that cured you anon
>>27868737
I did agree to it, at the time I was in a very poor state of mind and absolutely desperate for any kind of relief. Once I realized what was happening (several months later) I stopped it as soon as I could and refused any further shots. I couldn't sue them even if I wanted to, I signed waivers.
>>27868659
No, I feel you. I get the same way desu.
Personally, I just don't think I have it. I'm a weird fucking guy, I accept that.
I'm not experiencing psychotic symptoms or episodes. Just living the weird life.
>>27868713
I understand this. OCD is actually a lot more than just having ritualistic hand washing. It's magical thinking, and being obsessive about that thinking, coupled with obtrusive thoughts. Like this:
You've probably been tortured by illogical fantasies you can't stop thinking about, like being possessed by Satan, or the FBI busting down your door.
Now, deep down, you don't believe this will happen, but the fear seems real to you, even if you can logically say "this wont happen". And you can't let it go. It becomes your obsession for weeks on end. It consumes you. It pops into your head constantly. You modify your behavior to accommodate this fear that will never occur, knowing your conclusions are illogical.
That's internalized OCD. It's incredibly fucked and very hard to deal with.
>>27868713
ahh i see...i could look into it...
I always can control it, but i do realize that the thoughts are very real including the urges.
I also have huge issues when it comes to communicating with people and making friends. I dont really seem to trust people easily and have a hard time "connecting" with people heart to heart if you get what i mean. It's just hard to socialize, i have zero anxiety near people so it's not that. It's just a constant "safeguard"...probably because i was hurt by both of my parents quit a shitload when i was young. Shitty childhood, meh.
Thanks anyhow bro.
>>27868638
Maybe just impulsion phobia. A lot of time I think about the worse thing I could do in a social situation and start fearing I would do it which forces me to retain myself and think about what I don't want to do, for example punch a pregnant woman in the stomach. But I know I would never do it.
I just took this personality disorder test that I found on /r9k/ the other day.
I feel pretty normal and sane(I do not know why I got this result), but should I get checked just in case?
>>27868387
i had about a week of this and then it went away after scaring the fuck out of my family
>>27868797
It might be hypochondria
Or we could desperately be looking for something tangible we can latch on to and feel like we have a genuine problem for once. Maybe it's just wanting something we can blame our problems on.
I know I'm doing a lot of projecting and assuming here, but still
>>27868897
In response to the schizophrenia part or the OCD part?
>>27868865
Online tests aren't really accurate what so ever, although they are fun
>>27868921
Schizo
>>27868850
I completely sympathize with you man, I have the exact same issues, it's not easy when you're struggling to hold onto something and you can't even turn to other people for help. Best of luck to you man.
>>27868865
>high narcissistic
>i feel pretty normal and sane
>>27868659
You're all little sperged out teenage loser with a strong huckster streak. That's all that is wrong with you.
>>27868932
Ah, I see.
Yeah, that could really be it anon. I feel that way a lot, that I have absolutely no problems, so I have to have some.
I mean, I do have problems, but they don't feel genuine. I think that's really it.
>>27868945
>still maintains TD despite taking the autism pic
>>27865941
Going /r9k/ may be the absolute worst thing you can do for that. This place is literally the dirty underbelly of society.
>>27868985
i didnt even take the pic you fucktard
>>27868865
i hate narcisisstic ppl
>>27869007
I didn't say or imply you did, autist
>>27868986
Yes, plus that anon clearly needs meme pills.
>>27868936
Thanks anon-chan
Best of luck to you too you glorious faggot.
I'm definitely a fucked up person but psychiatrists/therapists scare me so I haven't been to one since I was a kid. So I dunno, I dont get to claim any cool acronyms
I've been crying at my computer for the last four hours or so if it counts for anything
>>27868638
That is literally perfectly normal. Everyone gets intrusive thoughts. No one talks about it because they make you seem like you are actually a psychopath. Literally just had a thought about how I could rape some random chick on the street yesterday. Never asked for it and she was not even hot. Terrible stuff.
>>27868953
>huckster
>>27869028
allaho akber suck my keboobie
>>27869052
You clearly have SAD.
>>27869062
no you're just in denial about your OCD
>>27869072
Clickity clack, get in the sack
>>27866491
actually i had a fucking 'episode' in front this black guy in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night after an anime convention
he was b-bullying me for wearing a young thug t-shirt, then he just handed me a cigarette and walked away
>>27869097
5 dollah ai fuck yo maddah.
>>27869087
you may actually be insane if you think a person can control their stream of conscious thoughts at any given time. People look at things and think things subconsciously. It is not OCD to look at a piece of trash and think about how it should be taken to the dump, for example.
>>27869062
Yeah well...i'm aware of that bro, we all have them sometimes.
But i used to literally hear voices and shit when i was using Elify. That stopped now so it was obviously the drugs.
But i'm still wondering if i'm batshit insane or not sometimes.
>>27869130
no, but it is OCD not to be able stop thinking about that. in fact i think that's why they call it "intrusive" thoughts.
maybe we're just not aligned with the nomenclature
>>27869149
ya auditory hallucinations are bad, bro. Get that checked out.
>>27865744
Schizophrenia has nothing to do with "acting out" or getting violent OP pls reroll for better diagnosis
>>27866491
So what's your illness?
>see thread about mental issues
>AYO HOL UP WHITE BOI FIGHT ME IRL
Is it possible for mental illness to get better on its own over time?
If so, why am I feeling worse even though I'm getting better?
>>27869189
chances are you've adapted to your illness in order to function, but your symptoms are still worsening as they're untreated. in time you will either learn how to cope effectively enough to live with it or your symptoms will become unbearable and you'll be unable to function any longer.
try to get help before it's too late anon
>>27869119
Cracker jack don't come back
>>27869169
Oh, ya that would be OCD. I do not think most people consider that an intrusive thought. I am talking more about thoughts that like just happen and then my next thought is wtf did i actually just think that.
>tfw always get extremely humiliated when I manage to go to a psychologists
I don't even know what's wrong with me because I never make it far enough to get diagnosed.
Anyone else know this feel?
>>27869218
But wouldn't I realize that I am or how I'm coping with them?
Like, I used to obsess with my body in the mirror and would spend around an hour or more between all my random checks in the bathroom or random reflections, yet now I barely deliberately check. I still do once or twice every now and then and still always look into the reflections I walk by to see if I look fat, but still, it's basically gone
I used to constantly have intrusive suicidal thoughts every day and while I still think about it, I can't say I notice it nearly as much
I'm pretty sure neither were just phases or attention getting since they went on for longer than a year
Just for two examples, granted they are the big ones
After being down in a hole for 2 years, I've finally decided to tell my gp about my problems. Nothing worse than depression and anxiety induced by alcohol, but I don't know how to properly describe these symptoms face to face. Any tips?
am i just a shy normie ?
>>27869062
Not remotely normal. I've got plenty of mental problems, but I don't do that. Seriously, that's fucked up.
>>27869321
has your quality of life changed at all, or have you gone through any major events like getting a new relationship, moving getting a new job, death, etc? external stress can dramatically exacerbate symptoms of mental illness
>>27869396
I've been seeing a specialist on OCD, intrusive thoughts, schizophrenia etc. for awhile now and he has documented that intrusive thoughts are prevalent in the general population. common themes are religion, violence, sex and anything that the person considers to be taboo. almost everyone gets them at least once in a great while (picturing killing your boss or someone that makes you angry, swerving into traffic while you're driving, jumping off of a tall building, god punishing you for doing something wrong)
you think it's fucked up because you haven't experienced it but that doesn't mean that it isn't normal. human psychology is inherently fucked
>>27869404
No, nothing's changed at all really
It's pretty much the same as it was when all that was happening
this is a test ignore this
>>27869446
yeah, chances are you have adapted to the symptoms and learning to cope with it to reduce the stress of them. the body and mind are very adaptable and given enough time you can get used to almost anything. I'd consider it a blessing and not look too far into it unless the symptoms start to come back.
>>27869445
>We live in a fucked up world with fucked up human beings who only mere pretend about being morally good
>Deep within we're primitives savages
>>27869478
I just don't understand how I wouldn't know how it is I started randomly coping or how I'm doing it
Also even with those symptoms better, I've been actively feeling worse and they've given a new source of anxiety because what if nothing was wrong to begin with and I was just a bitch, and other thoughts like that about it
>>27869556
do you feel as though there is always something wrong with you, or that you're never good enough? did you have an abusive childhood? do you suffer from anxiety regardless of what situation you're in, or from the slightest provocation?
it sounds to me like there's a greater underlying condition that's going unaddressed, that proper psychotherapy would be able to help alleviate
Someone I met here (who apparently works in mental health) seems to think I have ASPD or NPD. I'm not sure I agree, but I've never had any long lasting friendships, and I spend way too much time inside my own head trying to make sense of things that appear to be 'wrong' somehow.
I don't really know what else to say.
>>27869598
>always something wrong with you, or that you're never good enough
Yes and yes
> did you have an abusive childhood
I've had friends say I have but I think they're just trying to be supportive/nice. I mean like, it's hard to explain in a short paragraph but I was very sparsely hit and for the most part they try to claim it was mental abuse because of some of the stuff they've said/done. I disagree with them because its not like I was raped or beaten to a pulp every day like some other people. Not to mention I got bought stuff like all the time, I'm probably just being spoiled when I complain about them.
> do you suffer from anxiety regardless of what situation you're in, or from the slightest provocation?
I mean, there are times without but I'd still say yes I guess
People dont be fooled into thinkin you have something.
I.bet if I asked who has aspergers here all of you would have symptons then think you have aspergers or other things
>>27869869
Jokes on you I've been professionally diagnosed with it
OP here. Do any other robots have experience with gangstalking? When did it start for you?
Bump
Therapist anon pls come back
saw crush flirting with some black guy
no friends, no social life
on my way to getting /fit/
doing squats fuelled by repressed anger
Lol I think it's inaccurate
>>27869780
this is purely conjecture but I'm willing to bet that during your childhood and adolescence you adopted the idea (which became a deeply held belief) that nothing you could do would be good enough. it affected you to the point that you tried to rationalize your mental illness as "not a big deal," since it wasn't "bad enough" to warrant any attention. after all, people have it much worse than you do, so what right do you have to complain?
you continued to hold onto and internalize this belief until you could repress your symptoms and feel as if you really weren't suffering, but deep down you know that there is something wrong so the anxiety persists.
I could be way off the mark here but that's what I'm assuming. I highly, seriously suggest seeing a good psychologist and/or psychiatrist to try and identify the problem and get things sorted out. even if you're feeling okay right now, addressing those problems that bothered you for so long could be very therapeutic and prevent relapse.
>>27870096
get this shit out of here
>tfw you CANNOT be saved
>tfw it is only a matter of time until you have to kill yourself
>>27869886
What r your symptions?
>>27870180
what's wrong with you man?
obviously if you believe you can't be saved no one can help you
just curious what you consider irredeemable
>>27870215
No-one has a clue what I'm talking about so there's no point even attempting to explain it.
>>27870161
Well, it certainly is plausible considering how I act, and the past few days I have had the thought pop into my head that I probably don't have anything at all, not even depression. For not being good enough, it is kind of conflicted by how all my ambitions (even though they constantly change every week/month or so) are extremely unrealistically high. Though it could be argued that's just me subconsciously setting myself up for failure to prove the point.
That said, I'm not sure what all this would even be other than just some sort of complex. For seeing a therapist, I'm kind of scared about going since I've only had bad experiences the few times I've tried in the past. I've been told before the following thing is just one of many excuses I've come up with to avoid getting actual help but: I'm honestly afraid of getting better. I don't know why but I've guessed reasons before: It's all I know, I have nothing without it, etc. and stuff like that, which is contradicted by the thoughts of "Oh you don't have anything stop being a pussy/selfdiagnosingtumblrette/etc" so it likely is just an excuse.
Why not talk to us about ypur problems?
You have to filter the not so nice that seem to be on here tho.
>>27870328
it pains me to hear all of this, I know these feels so fucking well
I completely understand being afraid of getting better. after living with something for so long, that you dump so much energy and time into, it feels like it's a bigger part of your personality than anything else and that you'd just be a shell of a person without it.
having said that, if you ever feel bad enough that you decide it's worth trying to get help, do everything you can to see a specialist with a very well established record of successfully treating patients. I'm talking abundant positive reviews, published journals, as much evidence as possible that they know what they're doing and that they're good at it. some people like this volunteer to spend their time at clinics that are low-cost, to try and help the people who need it most, or have payment plans on a sliding scale to help people who would not ordinarily be able to afford their help. There are also insurance companies who cover large portions of mental health expenses, tax credits and people who even do it for free. (This is all in the United States, other countries may provide mental health care to citizens for free granted you go on a wait list and often are given only a small selection of doctors to choose from based on your location.)
tl;dr do as much research as you can and you will almost definitely find a doctor who can actually help you. finding someone who is a good match for you is critical. if you do not have a good working relationship with your shrink, you will both fail. find one who works well with you, and they could save your fucking life.
>>27870307
Pic not related, I hope.
>>27870450
Very recently I had been feeling that I should see a therapist because I was getting worse. (I know that contradicts but its confusing to me too. While I've had fears/worries about the problems going away and noticed them, for the past few weeks I've felt I was getting worse before this complete 180 had taken place and I was being bullied into seeing a therapist to the point where I finally accepted it.) The one I got a referral to didn't take my insurance and I was supposed to make an appointment with my regular doc to get a list of recommendations that actually are covered yet then an extremely low peak of depression/worry happened the other day that immediately turned into this "I dont have anything" after the day of it was over. But yeah, if I ever try it again I will make sure to do my research, it was actually something I obsessed with for that first referral.
Even if I do find one, there's still the issue of me being 100% completely incabale of talking about any of my problems in real life. I share far too much on the internet yet can't speak a peep in real life. Hell, even in the past few days I've found myself incapable of even talking to my friends about my problems like I normally do or these new developments.
Also, I still don't see what I'd even tell the therapist if I manage to talk. I don't know what any of this is in reference to any mental illness and I'd feel like an asshole going over just a minor complex or something.
>>27870585
I should note I mean online friends, since that probably makes a difference
>>27870585
>I share far too much on the internet yet can't speak a peep in real life.
Jesus Christ do I know that feel.
Talking to friends online can help, but there's only so much that can do. Talking to someone IRL is a whole different beast when you can see their reaction and have to actually, verbally say the things that are most intimate to you.
It helps to start as slowly as possible, sticking to "safe" things that you consider the least threatening. Opening by telling them you aren't comfortable discussing most of your problems just yet, but that you want help for them, can do wonders for people's patience and understanding. It took me two years to finally talk to my current therapist about what was really bothering me, and the entire time he was incredibly patient and helped me as much as he could with the information he was given. We still made an enormous amount of progress, so it wasn't wasted time or effort.
Just describing the way that you feel and how it affects your behavior is a good place to start. If you don't quite know, try your best to identify it in your own time. Nothing to stress or obsess over. If you notice that you're having some trouble, try to pay attention to the situation you're in, and why you may be feeling the way you feel. Becoming aware of the circumstances that surround your issues and how they are affecting you can make it a lot easier to communicate to other people about your problems.
Even if it's just a minor complex, (not saying it is, but let's say that's the worst-case scenario), if it's causing you distress, it's worth seeing someone about it. If you think you only have a cold and see a doctor about it, isn't it better to waste a little bit of time and find out you're okay than to have something much more serious go unnoticed?
>>27865744
Not schizo, but bipolar and delusional.
Bipolar is hereditary, delusions probably came from the childhood abuse. KH virgin.
Kill me.
>>27870763
What kind of bipolar?
>>27870760
Not to diminish the other advice you gave in your post, I do like it and will follow (Though I still have problems with it, like I don't know what I'd say that would be considered safe, but I still think letting them know I have trouble sharing stuff would likely help and again I do thank you for taking this time to talk with me about it)
But I don't really see doctors for colds and generally avoid it unless something it is something serious
Since you seem to share a lot of these feels, do you happen have experience going to a therapist for this kind of stuff?
Also for seeing their reactions, I feel like that could cause some harm. I already get paranoid and delusional enough about those online friends actually hating me, playing a prank on me, screencapping my stuff to laugh at me to others, etc. and I feel like that might be even worse considering the fear is already pre-existing with therapists.
>>27870853
I posted >>27867776 and >>27868025
I have a decade of experience with therapists of all sorts, mostly negative, and have done an enormous amount of research into a ton of mental illnesses so I feel like my advice is at least a little informed. take it all with a grain of salt since I'm not a professional, and of course, we're still on 4chan
when I talk to a doctor I tend not to look at them at all. with the current therapy I'm doing, my psychologist actually insisted that I keep my eyes closed while we go through it, so I'm not distracted or discouraged by him being there. it helps a lot.
Psychiatric medicine is literally guesswork.
>>27870832
Type one, same as my father.
>>27870980
kek. Is meme diseases hereditary?
Your all fucking pathetic. Get a real hobby.
>>27870932
>my psychologist actually insisted that I keep my eyes closed
Honestly for me that would just make me thing he's rolling his eyes or laughing or recording it or something like that . I know that was just one example, I just felt like commenting on that
>take it all with a grain of salt since I'm not a professional, and of course, we're still on 4chan
And actually I was wanting to ask to see if similarities would help me possibly see or better understand what it is I have, not to go "oh what right do YOU have to be talking on it!" or anything like that and I apologize if it came across like that
>>27870997
>muh hobbies
FUCK OFFF
>>27870997
Actually quite a few mental illnesses are heavily influenced by genetics, one of the bigger ones being schizophrenia who's chances go from 1% of the regular population to 20 or more percent to contract it if someone in your family has had it
>>27865744
Is anyone else here schizoid? not Schizo, but schizoid.
>>27871037
You do realize this is all nonsense right?
psychology/psychiatry is a compete sham.
>>27871037
Trolls like that guy don't care about facts. Since when has bipolar been a meme disease on here anyways? Aspergers, borderline, anxiety, maybe, but it's not like every robot wants to gloat about his Bipolar diagnosis.
>>27871082
Idiot baka desu
>>27871109
They're all meme disease. Jesus Christ, how gullible are you marks?
Just keep buying more meme pills and playing the victim.
>>27871070
I'm currently operating under the assumption that I am but how can I know?
Part of me still believes something like that cannot be reliably diagnosed.
>>27871153
Jokes on you, I don't take medication.
>>27870997
>Get a real hobby.
For realz. You dorks are on here talking about mental illness like sports fans talk about sports.
Get a real hobby. Get real interests.
There is nothing physically wrong with you.
Stop buying into this BS, if for no other reason then because it carries no weight in the adult world. You will get no sympathy or special treatment.
>>27871221
I literally lose the ability to move my fingers.
I've been experiencing signs of minor schizophrenia for the past two years and I don't care enough to seek help. Is it time I do something?
>>27865744
Are there any reliable/accurate online mental health tests?
who else /schizotypal/ here
>>27871291
the prodormal phase doesn't last that long, you have something else
>>27871109
>Since when has bipolar been a meme disease on here anyways?
Got in trouble at school a few years back and they made me go the a psychologist. Diagnosed me as 'bi-polar' in the first session. Refer me to a psychiatrist who prescribed me Klonopin. Threw them away, never went back to therapy. Am fine. Happy/productive/successful etc.
It's 100% a meme disease. The whole industry is a fucking racket. Wake up.
>>27871309
>you have something else
It's called attention whore syndrome
>>27871287
>mfw this dram queen is claiming paralysis
>mfw 'literally'
Who taught you that it is ok to behave this way? Who enabled you?
>>27871376
Tbh I should just kill myself.
>>27871405
desu, you should cut out the histrionics.
>>27871509
How.
I haven't enjoyed anything is about 15 years, I just have to force myself to do anything.
I'm slow at everything for no reason.
I can't move in a coordinated manner so I drop and break things constantly.
I need to sleep a lot. I don't even know how much as I can just sleep forever unless I force myself to wake up.
Work is exhausting for no reason. School was the same.
I can't do anything really.
I am defective.
>>27870932
>>27871012
a-anon?
this is bloxo original
>>27871603
>I'm slow at everything for no reason.
>I can't move in a coordinated manner so I drop and break things constantly.
>I need to sleep a lot. I don't even know how much as I can just sleep forever unless I force myself to wake up.
>Work is exhausting for no reason. School was the same.
There is nothing physically wrong with you. your clearly a drama queen. You probably had bad parents who didn't spend enough time with you, and instead of nipping this behavior in the bud, try to make up for their incompetence by entertained this nonsense. And then the quacks and charlatans got their hooks into you.
Anon, most people are unhappy in their teenage years and 20s.
I promise you there is no pot of gold at the end of this muh illnesses nonsense.
Cut it out before it's too late.
>>27871701
>t. someone who got really salty after the therapist told him he didn't have anything and now projects onto everyone else
>>27871695
sorry, was working on the exposure therapy I have to do once a day. takes a little bit of time.
Not entirely sure how much more I can say that would benefit you, but I hope you got something out of our conversation. Best of luck to you, man.
>>27871813
Ah, my bad then
Thank you again for the talk and the advice, anon
>>27871701
I gave up on doctors years ago.
I've tried convincing myself that I can work my way out of this but I can't control myself at all.
Any progress I make over the course of months can be completely undone in a day and I'm back in an even worse position.
I can't see it ever changing. I can't control anything.
>>27871829
no problem, it was a real pleasure.
>>27865744
>>27865968
>>27866329
>tfw I have borderline personality disorder
>literally cannot control myself and stop destroying my relationships
>tfw being cruel to someone while your inner voice screaming, "no no no stop! you're hurting them! stop hurting them, they love you and you love them!"
>tfw empty and just want someone to hold you and make it okay because you can't make it okay on your own
>people hate me and I don't blame them
>boyfriend dumped me and said I'm undateable
>said he stopped loving me and saw me more as a pet that he had to take care of
>want to get help so fucking bad but I'm too scared to call a therapist
>sitting paralyzed, afraid of doing anything in fear of fucking it up
>want to hurt myself all the time to punish myself for being a terrible person but I don't want my mom to see
I'm trying so fucking hard. It's like someone else is controlling my mind and making me do terrible shit. I'm an otherwise very smart and pleasant person is what I've been told. I've never cheated or hit anyone. I would never do those things. I truly love the people around me. I'm just scared so I lash out and I can't stop it.
>comorbid type I bipolar disorder
>take medication that makes me forgetful and confused
>if I forget to take it I dissociate and go on walks on my own
>laugh because at least I'm not a narcissist
I'm getting a CT scan for unrelated illnesses I'm having. I keep hoping there's something wrong with my brain that is causing all of these bad things, and when they cure it I'm a functional human being. I hope my ex boyfriend isn't reading this but I doubt it and he wouldn't care anyway.Please keep posting Madotsukis.
>>27871968
Nope. You have the memes, and apparently a tendency to be gullible, verbose and melodramatic.
>>27867385
How about the fucking embarrassment after. I ave bipolar 1 and I look back on my manic actions and die a little inside
>>27872034
I am very upset by what you have just said to me on this Japanese interest and anime imageboard.
>>27871968lucky for you I have a big collection of Yume Nikki fanart
for your sake I hope you have a physical ailment that's causing your mental woes. personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat, but if you are VERY dedicated, and VERY persistent, VERY hard working and COMPLETELY committed to getting better, there is hope. a lot of people suffering from BPD improve greatly with the help of CBT, or especially DBT. getting a good psychologist to administer it is of the utmost importance.
>>27872052
sometimes I'll remember the things I've done and become extremely suicidal or homicidal because of it, it's enough to make me want to end my life
>all the times I got nightmarishly drunk and had strangers get me back home, vomiting and ranting about how everyone is just a puppet in the shitshow that life is
>all the times I spent enormous amounts of money on ridiculously lavish clothes and the salesperson could obviously tell something was wrong with me
>getting kicked off of public transportation for blacking out or threatening people
>the horrible, horrible ways I abused and mistreated the people close to me
>threatening my roommates or trying to explain all the screaming, crashing, banging against the walls, etc.
>my behavior at work, god help me
>getting paranoia and hallucinations while seeing a psychologist or therapist and trying to hide my obvious mania from them
>all of the times I was with friends and acted so atrociously they never spoke to me again
>all of the people I had to cut contact with
>the one time my mother found my number and I tried to explain how much I was suffering to her and she didn't believe any of it
Do any of you Anons have present fathers who are even slightly masculine?
If so....they really tolerate this nonsense?
Psych nurse here. I hope you all are OK x o
>>27872133I will post some of mine too.
>I bought the DBT handbook
>met a nice therapist who said he thought we could make a lot of progress together
>forgot to schedule one session but showed up anyway
>was so ashamed I never scheduled another one
Now that I have moved home I might get set up with a woman who does CBT and DBT. She also does hypnotherapy and role-playing exercises. I'm just scared to reach out again.
>boyfriend made me promise not to throw myself into empty relationships to cope
>trying very hard not to download Tinder or grab a random person off the street
I just want to be better already. I don't know how this happened to me. I look at my life and I feel like a hoarder that had a moment of lucidity. I think to myself, how did it get so bad? And then I sink right down into it.
>>27872159
my father was present during my entire childhood, and still tries to have a role in my life. he hunts, fishes, camps, collects weapons, used to surf when he was younger, was the sole financial provider for my immediate family, was a chad before he got married. very traditionally masculine.
he's the main reason why my OCD fixates on violent material. I saw him killing our pets when I was a kid, saw him beating my mother and little brother on a regular basis, was subject to abuse and neglect at his hand many times, had to endure his excessive paranoia and surveillance of everything (motion detectors and cameras in and around the house, all kinds of shit on the computer, constantly monitoring my actions and stalking me when I tried to do anything on my own), all sorts of crazy fucking bullshit
having a masculine father means absolutely nothing
>>27872133
>ations while seeing a psychologist or therapist and trying to hide my obvious mania from them
>>all of the times I was with friend
Yeah man. Shit sucks. I get so paranoid, think I'm like connected to the FBI, crazy shit. Just fuck. I'm not going to share the worst of it. It makes me want to vomit.
>>27872159
Both my parents beat me and I tried to correlate this with my own actions and attempted to achieve perfection but I realised years later that they were just taking their anger out on me. My Dad intentionally crashed the car once because my four year old sister was "talking too much".
They divorced when I was ten and my Mom remarried but her new husband has pretty much never spoken to me aside from to punish me. She continued to beat me to take out her anger, then had another child and started beating him too. My Dad's life was destroyed in the divorce and he became dependent on a new wife who he physically and mentally abuses. He's fucking intolerable to be around because he chimps out unless everyone agrees with his retarded opinions.
I eventually went to university and cut contact with both of them until my Mom decided to re-establish contact I eventually ended up living with her. She doesn't physically abuse anyone anymore, but mentally abuses my sister instead. My sister has never had a job and became an SJW so she could blame all her problems on the patriarchy and is probably going to just kill herself eventually.
>>27872244
>he's the main reason why my OCD fixates on violent material. I saw him killing our pets when I was a kid, saw him beating my mother and little brother on a regular basis, was subject to abuse and neglect at his hand many times, had to endure his excessive paranoia and surveillance of everything (motion detectors and cameras in and around the house, all kinds of shit on the computer, constantly monitoring my actions and stalking me when I tried to do anything on my own), all sorts of crazy fucking bullshit
That's not masculine. That's a weak piece of shit. Big difference.
level 2 autism spectrum disorder, visual snow syndrome (hyper metabolism near the visual cortex), dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder and borderline personality disorder. all diagnosed.
>>27872309
So no.
You guys are traumatized, not ill.
>>27872241
those feels, man. those fucking feels.
I really hope you find the courage to reach out again. try your absolute best to remember that therapists expect patients to have trouble, by the very nature of their line of work. missing an appointment or not doing all of your homework just comes with the territory, it's nothing to be ashamed of. if anything, being honest about your mistakes can only help you in the end.
having someone to support you is also really, really fantastic, but I know that relationships can mean even more stress for sufferers of BPD. be as kind to yourself, and as much as you can to your bf. recognizing that you struggle with keeping a healthy relationship is an amazing step towards improving them.
sometimes all it takes is that one moment of lucidity to change everything. keep taking those moments, as best as you can, to improve things, and you'll see the difference.
>>27872247
I still religiously check my computer for keyloggers and anything else that could track me, keep my webcam taped up, never show my face on the internet, don't let people take pictures of me, freak out when I'm filling out job applications... it's so bad when I have to go in public, just
JUST
I'm legally changing my name soon and I hope that it will do some good to alleviate all the anxiety I have over all the shit I've done.
>>27872338
I did say traditionally masculine- I don't think he's a man by any means.
who /belowexpectations/ here
>>27872359
Does it make any difference?
>>27872357
>all diagnosed.
Seriously, you anons know they 'diagnose' everyone who walks through the door right?
>>27872360
>I did say traditionally masculine-
That's not even traditionally masculine, and you're right, that is no man.
>>27872372
Absolutely. And if you ever had leukemia or something like that, you would know how ridiculous that question is.
>>27872375
>mfw a mod literally just deleted my post.
all of those things i was diagnosed are real, i live with them. the only one that can be considered quackery is BPD.
>ADHD master race (with some autismal tendencies)
>mfw my intelligence is enhanced by it, negative life affects are minimal, and I get a script to adhd meds, all while my mentally ill counterparts are all considered subhuman
>>27872404
>my autism is real, my dyspraxia is real, my sensory processing disorder is real, my visual snow is real.
No, they're really not. It's sad that there are adults put into positions of (alleged) authority, who take advantage of young people like this. It really is.
>>27872402
>hurr durr the brain isn't an organ
>>27872368
>get "professional" IQ test
>it's actually some weird military thing that's in no way similar to the actual test
>score in the 99th percentile on all subjects but one that measures my knowledge of academics like geography, history, things that you're taught in school
>I was "homeschooled" by my parents but taught nothing by them, had to teach myself and there are MASSIVE gaps in my education
>get such low marks that it offsets my other scores to the point that I wind up with an average IQ
>they expected me to get genius-level scores on everything
>visible disappointment on my psychologist's and the test-taker's faces
>still don't know what my actual IQ is
>>27872360
Glad you can relate. Seriously feel like offing myself because of the ridiculous shit I've done while manic. It really is a batshit crazy state of mind, when you're full blown manic. Hypomanic is kind of awesome...but what it leads to is just terrible.
>>27872436
obviously you dont have real ADHD if it's not causing you problems.
i suspect I have it because the only time I ever felt normal and motivated was when I took amphetamines.
>>27865744
schizoaffective here.
had a full on "psychotic episode" in 2008
had no control and almost stab mom in nude.
got locked in a institution & got sedated so much.
had a heart collapse and a suicide attempt.
life not bad now on good meds.
>>27872432
>>27872432
Kek. No seriously. They 'diagnose' everyone who walks through the door.
In their huckster logic, seeking help is evidence that there is a problem. It's tautological psuedo-science. It's a fucking racket.
>>27872438
>No, they're really not
this has to be bait, that or you're from /pol/ or a backwards generation that thinks all neurological conditions are made up.
>>27872442
I wonder why you want to be ill so badly. It's sad.
>>27872481
>Kek. No seriously. They 'diagnose' everyone who walks through the door.
do you have any hard evidence to support this?
>In their huckster logic,
Oh, you're that faggot that calls everyone a "huckster". Lmfao.
>>27872448
Don't feel too bad. My parents paid like 5k to find out that I'm actually a retard.
>>27872402
I knew someone with OCD who would walk back and forth between two locations for nine hours because he couldn't break the urge.
That seems pretty 'ill' to me.
>>27872459
I do. I was diagnosed as an adult on a big 10 college campus, so I get the full battery of neuro cognitive testing and then some, and have official "adhd" papers. tbqh, I was able to overcome many of the harsh negative affects over the first few years after diagnoses and treatment, but I'm not about to stop getting my prescriptions
>>27870973
here's your (you) because i agree with u bro
>>27872174
Go back to hades wench.
>>27872448
It kinda semi-proves IQ test are far from perfect and not an absolute accurate measure of intelligence. Success and achievement are the best indicators.
>>27872526
>I was misdiagnosed with ADD therefore all other neurological conditions are made up
right
>>27872174
why don't you share some anecdotes or reply to a single post ITT instead of uselessly shitposting and leaving
>all of this "mental-illness isn't real" meme shilling
I bet you guys are anti-vax too.
>>27872517
That kind of ill is staring at death.
Your stupid teenage sperg shit is a fucking joke. And you should be ashamed of yourself for comparing the two.
>>27872578
I'm mentally ill and I do it. It's fun and it makes people feel bad about themselves.
>>27872578
>muh if you question psychology/psychiatry you don't believe in evolution false equivalency
You dicks are a worse cult than the Scientologists.
Every day the desire to hurt myself increases
I want to cut myself and have the blood and the scars but I don't want permanent damage
>>27872595
People who take that stuff seriously are the ones to blame.
>>27872549
friend, I was not misdiagnosed. I understand people think it isn't fair that some people get the meds and others don't, and I respect that. I could have survived without meds. would I be where I am today? no. do I feel for the undiagnosed people out there? yes, a lot. I am one of the lucky ones, and I know that. no one knows what it's like living with ADHD because the diagnosed people with it usually don't have the capacity to full explain, but it's not "hyperactivity," it's more "your brain is sending chemical signals to not do all these things that you know you should be doing." that's the best simplified definition I can give, but it's a motivation illness more than a hyperactivity illness.
>at work
>amazing, productive day
>everyone is tipsy
>11 hours in
>Store Manager pulls me aside
>grabs me by the shoulders and tells me that I am having another "maniac episode" and need to chill out
>tells me that he will pay me the full 13 hours and to take the next day off to cool down
>>27872650
Get a real hobby. Fix up an old car or something. You sound ridiculous.
>>27872647
Do it on the top of your bicep. There's no tendons or nerves there.That's probably the safest place besides your thighs.
>>27872593
You have to kill yourself when you can't amount to anything, so it's basically the same thing.
>>27872699
I'm a developer and make 70k a year, I have many hobbies.
>>27872593
>>27872627
This comment is original. This bait? Not so much.
>>27872777
I'm only replying to you because of those sick trips
>feeding the troll in any way
it's like none of you know the golden rule
>>27872720
No, it's really really not. One day you'll know just how wrong you are. Until then, know when you say that you sound like a ridiculous asshole.
>>27872819
I believe you when I'm not feeling like shit, but I feel like shit a lot and I can't do anything when in that state.
Things just happen at random and get worse or better regardless of what I do.
Very occasionally, maybe once in three years, I get a day where I can actually do things and I think I've finally found the way but that will be taken away from me when tomorrow comes and I'm back to feeling like utter shit and completely failing even basic tasks.
>>27872925
Try cancer.
Then get back to me with this melodramatic bullshit.
How did you find your therapists, and did it take a few to find the right one or did you just settle?
Ive gone years with something (possible bpd from what ive read) and i just really dont know wtf i'm doing or how to go about all of it
overwhelmed af t b h
>>27872949
>anyone who doesn't have cancer has to be happy
>>27873066
The first one I saw my mother found through her insurance company, was a therapist. Did not work out.
The next several (nearly a dozen) were all from the military. I went to the base doctor and asked to see a psychologist/psychiatrist, and they referred me to them.
After that I was in mental asylums and they saw me on a weekly basis (or more often depending), without me having to do anything.
After that the people from the asylums referred me to more military psychologists/psychiatrists.
One of the military psychiatrists, before I was discharged, got me a referral to a forensic psychiatrist.
I got into some legal trouble and was given the choice to either see the forensic psychiatrist or see a psychologist that reported directly to the court. The choice was obvious.
The forensic psychiatrist and everyone before him was a failure, so I stopped seeing anyone for a couple of years before trying to contact someone through the Veteran's Association.
At the VA I was referred to a psychologist who actually helped me for the first time. This was about 8 years after the first one I saw.
I moved states while seeing the first guy from the VA, who transferred me to the care of the hospital's director.
He referred me to a specialist at the same hospital, who I am currently seeing now. The last two guys have helped me more than all the rest of them combined.
It has been a slow, extremely painful process, but my patience and hard work has ultimately paid off.
Basically, you either contact one of the following:
>An independent psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker or therapist
>One of the above that works for an insurance company
>One of the above that works for the government
You can find out about 99% of them online. Without a referral you are unlikely to see a specialist that doesn't require a large sum of money for an initial consultation, but I wouldn't worry about that if you've never seen someone before.
>Feel like shit all the time.
>Sometimes just outright don't want to socialize so I lock myself away
>Anxious about activities where I have to meet new people/be in places different and foreign to me
>Sometimes when people say something to me I don't even reply. I just walk away.
>Suicidal attempts in the past (Never told anyone about the attempts tho)
>Sometimes in the dark I think I see things that aren't there
>Visual snow
>>27873362
>>Visual snow
Kek. This is my favorite new meme.
>muh visual snow
How fucking dumb are you spergs?
>>27873631
kek
>muh super legit illness
>help
>we need meme pills STAT
I've lost the ability to feel. I contemplated suicide when I was 13 due to my severe eczema and the bullying I constantly received for it. I psyched myself out of it somehow and realized that the only thing that hurt me where the things that people said about me.
I literally taught myself to stop caring about people's words and feelings towards me. It's a great feeling but It's led to a lack of empathy, which I've been ostracized for.I was at my grandfather's funeral last month, he taught me literally everything I know, he practically raised me. I wasn't able to shed a tear or feel sadness.
What the fuck?
>>27873830
>I've lost the ability to feel.
Do you anons have any sense of shame and/or masculinity?
>>27873864
I have masculinity, I just don't sense any emotions anymore. What does that have to do with shame?
I changed my mindset to get through the hell that was high school and it became permanent.
This is a shitty lives thread, right? I'd consider this pretty shitty.
>>27873940
>I just don't sense any emotions anymore.
kek. How old are you? This is just nonsense.
>>27874070
Emotions are electrochemical processes that can be disrupted.
The depressed, for example, can lose a significant number of serotonin receptor sites so this neurotransmitter can no longer perform its function.
>>27871070
I am. It sucks because people like me and try to become friends with me. I brickwall them because I don't know what else to do in that situation. Then they feel offended and start to dislike me, blaming something in my character. The one time I tried to explain to someone that I'm a "schizoid", I made the mistake of actually using the word "schizoid", and of course they didn't understand and thought I was saying I had schizophrenia or something. Normies have no idea that schizoids exist.
>>27874199
Why do you idiots believe this? It's fucking nonsense.
Yes, I know
>m-muh neuropsychology
Sigh. You fucking clowns really know how to exploit a grey area. I'd feel sorry for your parents if they hadn't enabled this puerile/deadbeat behavior. And frankly, I feel sorry for all of you if you think this kind of shit is ever going to be received by intelligent adults (ie not anyone making $ on it) as anything but , immature histrionics, emotional blackmail, or a particularly repulsive negotiating technique.
>>27874319
Your opinions are clearly superior to medical science.
>>27874561
>scientists and doctors who usually aren't even american and make $100,000-300,000 a year are immune to corruption
>>27873830
I'm sorry that you've had to go through that. I have eczema and I hate it.
It's fucked up how childhood experiences can really shape how you are as an adult.
>>27874663
>they've tricked the entire scientific community but fortunately I can see through the deception!
