Stories and tales of depression, suicide attempts, anxiety etc. Tell us why you're depressed/anxious and or suicidal.
>>27862154
I keep on applying to internships and getting rejected, or failing at the HR interview.
I'm done, I'll probably try to kill myself after the semester ends or in the beginning of summer.
>>27862175
What method will you use? I'm probably going to kill myself soon because I'm a NEET shut in with no future.
I also have no motivation anymore after so many failures in life.
>>27862215
I'll probably hang myself or do the helium method
I used to be super depressed with constant intrusive thoughts about suicide. I overdosed once but woke up a day later.
Since I started to take my jew pills, those thoughts and feelings are gone. It's no longer a hellish rollercoaster; I feel neutral almost all the time. I do have homicidal urges and extreme rage sometimes though. For example, a colleague was rude to me, and I visualized her running away crying while I aimed down my gun and shot her in the back of the head. Or taking out a knife and slitting the throat of the cashier who put the money on the tray instead of in my held out hand. I find this amusing and a bit bewildering, because I am a rather calm and friendly person. I don't really intend to go on a shooting spree, but I can see why people do it now.
I also started to take benzos "as needed", which allowed me to talk to superiors without choking up and trembling with fear. My boss even smiled at me when I was talking like a normal person instead of the usual weirdo robot fuck-up routine I used to do.
tl;dr: take your pills, but sell your guns
>>27862375
>TFW I have severe anxiety
>TFW too scared to even see a doctor to get meds
>TFW to top it all off I feel so fucking down all the time I have no motivation to do anything.
Just fuck my shit up.
>start working two years ago
>start having paranoid delusions
>hearing things
>have 'voices' in my head but they aren't voices, just my internal monologue arguing with itself about how much of a fuck up I am
I'm certain I have schizophrenia but it's hard to accept and I hate it.
>>27862596
I ordered the antidepressants and the benzos online. I'll never talk to a doctor again. I saw one when I was 11, because the school made my parents send me. He asked me about my family situation and I broke down crying. My mother pulled me out and that was the end of it. I tried to bring things up another time, but was told to man up. Useless people.
Invest your neetbox in jew pills, it can make your life much better.
I also recommend illegal drugs. Just take whatever looks interesting, nothing bad can happen if you do some research along the way. There's a chance you will learn a lot about yourself and rewire your brain in beneficial ways, which will do nothing about physiological problems like chronic depression and anxiety, but make you a better and wiser person who knows what they want and why.
>>27862175
>or failing at the HR interview.
Nigga, at least you got an interview. You have nothing to complain about, entitled bastard.
Feel suicidal because I am scared that I can't turn my life around and I am too far gone. My futures absolutely fucking bleak and I don't think I can live with that.
>>27862668
I have the same thing? Do I have schizophrenia? Also does anyone here have visual snow?
>>27862715
Can't buy those drugs online in my country, they have to be prescribed by a GP.
Sucks man... don't even have NEETbux...
>>27862723
Visual snow does not exist, you are just insane.
>>27862723
Only a doctor can make that diagnosis. And a no to visual snow, but I do see 'shadow people' out of the corners of my eyes when I didn't get adequate rest and hear things.
>>27862753
I think that is normal for sleep deprivation because it happens to me as well.
Happens to me all the time, especially in the dark. I fucking think I see some fucker staring at me when it was just a piece of furniture.
>>27862375
>>27862715
Dude as someone who needs benzos please save my life and send me some. Did you buy rcs? I will try to repay you in anyway i can and i will be indebted to you for the rest of my life
>>27862718
This is my situation also. I know that feel, bro.
>>27862723
I have visual snow, occured after I broke my nose weirdly. Sucks because my sight otherwise is fine.
>>27862375
Which jew pills?
Were they antipsychotics?
>>27862751
I order my ADs from Bulgaria, but they cost $70 a month.
Benzos are cheap on the dark net if you aren't addicted and need stupid doses. That aside I would recommend Pyrazolam from chemicalwire. You get 5 pound off as a new customer and another 15% off with a code from their website, so it's really cheap. They have other benzos too, but I haven't tried them. I take diazepam and clonazepam for longer duration, but especially diazepam is more recreational than useful in daily life. Pyrazolam is pretty cool, because it just takes the fear away without noticeable sedation or buzz.
once upon a unhappy time there was this kid
>born with neurologic illness
>always lived in an odd world
>can't tell what's reality, imagination, God or devil
>have tried really hard yet failed in everthing in life
>try to assume self-guiltness
>come to realize it's not enterily his fault - thing just won't work out sometimes, much more ofter for him
>unbelievable uncanny bad luck
>has this increible luminous insights and dreams
>which makes the awaiting more painful
>sometime ignorance may be bless
>but he has seen way too much
>highest hope in heaven
>>27862794
>Dude as someone who needs benzos please save my life and send me some.
How would that work?
>Did you buy rcs?
Both RC and regular.
>I will try to repay you in anyway i can and i will be indebted to you for the rest of my life
be my gf
i woke up at 8AM
it's 12PM now and i still haven't gotten out of bed, i'm starving and have no motivation to move
>>27862154
>tfw depressed
>tfw don't know why
I enjoy my job. My relationship with my wife is great. I'm losing weight. But I still think about killing myself.
>>27862715
>which will do nothing about physiological problems like chronic depression and anxiety, but make you a better and wiser person who knows what they want and why
This is the only thing I agree with but by better means like comtemplation and prayer
>>27862906
>How would that work?
Do you have kik or something i could give you my address
>be my gf
Haha im a guy unless thats what you want, but i can give you some girls kiks or skype for benzos. But seriously i will pay you back tenfold once i get my life sorted out
if no one wakes me up, I will easily sleep 11+ hours and still wake up tired
does that counts as depression?
>rejected after two interviews with Target
>the job I was applying for was minimum wage cart pusher
>>27862977
Anon, I don't think he will send you any drugs. Suicide is probably the best option at this point.
>>27862837
No, just an atypical antidepressant that works through glutamate receptors but also affects serotonine and dompamine, and has some affinity at opioid receptors.
It's very effective for treatment of depression and anxiety, and improves focus in people with ADHD. It also enhances the effect of psychedelics and stims.
It's pretty cool.
>>27862948
That's bc you have not the primordial thing
God
We were created to love Him the most and adore, glorify him
Once you figure it out you'll find sense which is more important than how you feel
>>27862977
Why can't you buy some yourself? You can get 10 klonopin for less than 20 bucks on alphabay.
>>27862991
It could. Oversleeping is a symptom.
Could be other things, though.
>everyone hates me at work
>job is on the line
>just signed a lease for a new condo
>trying to transfer departments
>stress levels are critical
>>27863047
I have tourette and adhd to some degree
plus anxiety issues
so I don't think I can ever be truly depressed
>talk to pretty girl today
>make her laugh with my jokes
>know she's single
>still younger than me but who cares
>come back home depressed as fuck because what are the chances of me being with a girl like that
>can't take my mind off of her even though we've met before and i didn't really care
>really want her to be into me
>i've never been successful though
>just drink all day and feel like shit
>pretty drunk right now
i'm tired of this nonsense tbqh familia. can't wait for next week to find out she thinks that i'm shit.
Really wanted to be a scientist growing up, but I can't do math. Now I want to try getting a career as a welder or machinist, but I read that they require math and shit. I wouldn't even know where to begin anyway.
I'm very sad and I really want everything to go away.
>>27863059
why does everyone hate you?
whats your job
>>27863078
>virgin
>friend hooks me up with girl
>can't get it up
it could be worse senpai
>>27863100
I wanted to join the feds of my country
too bad I decided too late and now I'm too deep into IT stuff
>>27863100
My father and older brother are both Welders and it does require a lot of math.
Tried learning it but I'm dumb as a goldfish with math so I gave up.
I know the feel anon.
>>27863010
Probably
>>27863036
I have no money or credit cards rn, honestly i would rather buy flubromazolam 100 pellets for 30 bucks because i was on clonazapam for 5 years and it takes like 20 for any effect anymore. My family is wealthy though, they just dont want to buy me drugs despite years of pleading, so i would be able to repay you especially when i get a job. What do you say senpai?
Anxiety, depression, self harm and suicide attempts
Apparently since before I can remember my teachers and care takers asked me and my mum if everything was alright at home
Had a completely normal childhood
I can remember teachers asking me these sorts of questions in primary school and high school and I do remember being cynical and extremely anxious back then.
When I was in primary school self harm consisted of trying to smother myself with a pillow, tying towels and bed sheets around my neck and hitting myself in the head with stuff in my room and my fists. Also stupid stuff like banging my head against a wall.
High school was pretty much the same except I replaced pillows and sheets with belts and plastic bags. I don't think I've ever been legitimately suicidal at this point but I did want to die.
First real suicide attempt was when I failed uni (Anxiety related)
Was around the same time Robin Williams died I think, maybe a bit later. Put my belt around my neck, tied it to the door handle and started drinking.
Ended up bitching out and changing my suicide note into a "Please help me mum and dad" note.
As far as I can gather I've been anxious, depressed and hurting myself since before I can even remember.
I sure hope I get replies, I enjoy reading them. Good night Anons.
>>27863154
>buying drugs for a drug addict I don't know who promises to give me back the money once he finds a job
No offense, but be real.
>it takes like 20 for any effect anymore
So that's five doses for you, how would that even help?
I've fucked my whole future up and the only love of my life left me almost five months ago. I can't sleep anymore because during quiet times thoughts just race through my head. I have no motivation to do anything except buying cigarettes and alcohol. I had probably the greatest weekend of my life last month. Went to two concerts of my favourite band and even got an autograph. At home I just felt like killing myself again.
>>27863135
that sucks but i just want to have a fucking gf already. i'm 23 for god's sake and don't have any serious mental problems (despite being fucked up in the head after years of loneliness) so come on.
>>27862154
I don't know what the fuck is going on.
I've recently been put on some Pristiq (desvenlafaxine) but I'm sitting here at 2:30am trying to occupy my mind so I don't cut off my arm. I walked outside for 20 seconds before I just cut my arm with my keys. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I just wish I had someone to talk to
>>27863202
>drug addict
>be real
I am being real bro, ive had enough of the bullshit and im ready to make a change and im telling you the entire truth. I dont really think im a drug addict, i just JUSTed my life up from a young age
>So that's five doses for you, how would that even help
Flubromazolam and other benzos seem to work better than clonazapam
>>27863210
>have a good time
>come back and instantly feel like shit again
Fuck me I know that feel anon. Worst fucking thing because I get my hopes up everytime thinking that it'll be any different.
>>27863272
Well atleast you can talk with us. That can help I think.
>>27863272
You're from Australia as well? What state?
>>27862154
I'm depressed because I'm 25 years old and the only time a girl kissed me was because it was some truth or dare game. But other than that, I'm pretty much a KHH and I doubt it'll change. But life is suffering and meaningless if you can't share it with someone.
I also spent like 6 years of my life getting a degree that I've grown to hate (mechanical engineering). I suck at it and I don't even like it, but I fell for the STEM meme. I'll graduate this spring and then what? I can start working at some company and make profit to Mr. Shekelsetin while he pays shit? And what the fuck am I supposed to buy with my salary? The newest iPhone so I can play Angry Birds on it? Or to text my non-existent friends? Money can't fucking buy happiness.
The only thing keeping me alive is virtual reality, because with that I can at least visually experience what normal people's lives are like.
>mfw ATKgirlfriends.com produces hour long episodes with virtual dates and walking in POV
Living the dream huh.
>>27863305
After that I always ask myself if it's worth the effort if I just end up feeling like shit again.
>>27863135
I'm a produce clerk at a grocery store. They all hat me because they blame me for everything that goes wrong at the store. I can identify several people who do worse shit than me but I don't because I don't wanna be "that guy".
>>27863322
QLD
>>27863279
If you were a cute girl like the E's I'd drug you for private cam sessions, but I think it's better for everyone if you sober up. If you're currently dosed high, go to an ER, they can taper you so you don't get seizures.
Probably this summer I'm going to try and Super dose crystal meth and drink a shit ton of vodka and blow my brains out with a shot gun in my bathroom
I've had enough
Been bottling my emotions just to seem normal so I could buy a shotgun
>>27863333
>is about to graduate and has quads
not a virgin but kinda jealous of you here senpai
>tfw no degree
>>27863358
I wish I could get a gun. Would be so much easier
>>27863333 (me)
>KHH
Meant to say KHHV.
>>27863358
Make sure it's a slug round, then we can laugh as you end up a retard for the rest of your life.
>>27863358
Why would you superdose crystal?
>>27863352
>sober up
Thats the thing, i am and have been sober. My tolerance just isnt going down.
>would drug attention whores and camwhores but not a fellow robot
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I wish the same hell upon you that im in. Soon youll be paying 100$ for a workable dose of clonazepam. Fuck your couch nigga
>>27863358
don't do this please
whatever your problem is
the solution lies in apathy, not in death
>>27862154
I saw the therapist yesterday and she said I had serious depression and high anxiety and I left with nothing but 'soothing breathing' techniques which only seem to cause more agitation and an appointment next week. I have no friends at school for 5 years (I'm 18). I'm constantly on the move from 7:30 am to 10pm which leaves me dead inside but recently I got into some anime and it seems to make things better but it stresses me out when I realize the shows I'm into are not continuous. God damn windows phone makes every photo for me incompatible to post so here's my bottle collection from times past
>>27862154
I am not depressed right now but super anxious
They kinda switch up
I am going to a mental day hospital tho and it might be getting better?
>tfw scared of xanax
>tfw it's the only thing that helps with my anxiety
>>27863336
I try to keep doing things that make me happy I guess. Jump from thing to thing as fast as I can looking for it. The times inbetween are the worst, but the bits of being happy again, even temporarily, keep me going. Helps lessen the suicidal thoughts.
>>27863604
The thing is most things don't make me happy anymore.
>>27863707
Just invest in an oculus or vive.
>>27862715
> Using illegal drugs
I just want to cry. everything in lifes too hard.
I just walk to line between misery and suicide.
I have my physical being.
trying to do anything leaves me in a sweaty anxious mess with a headache.
im never going to be normal.
I cant end it cos it would make people around me unhappy, and I love my dog I have to look after her.
god help me.
>>27863922
Don't have any money for it. Booze and cigarettes are expensive man. And video games aren't really my thing anymore. Haven't played in months.
>>27864000
>I have my physical being.
*hate
>>27862977
> Trying to buy illegal drugs on the chan
> Sinking this low in life
>Can't stop thinking about her
>Have no ambition
>Don't want to look for another job because it takes effort
Just kill me senpai
ive had depression my entire life, only after cancer got anxiety and insomnia i self medicated with caffeine my entire life
never suicidal, dont comprehend how that would ever logically make sense to self terminate
currently going through withdrawal of SSRI's and just using over the counter sleep aids
NEET as fuck, and finally, only now after stopping SSRI's did i stop putting up with the bullshit my parents would put me through, they were literally the cause of all my problems and now i feel so much better, so free, and no longer anxious, no longer overeating all the time, not worried, nothing, feelsgoodman
its like i lived with a manipulative fuck who would antagonize me, harass me, put me down, treat me like shit my entire life, and only now after all these years finally deciding enough with that I deserve better.
i dont know guys i just feel very bad
>HUR DUR WHY DO MUH SSRIs NOT WORK
because you don't have actual depression, you have meme depression like roasties who upload videos on youtube about having "social anxiety".
also for those who take SSRIs: Enjoy permanently damaging your brain and nervous ystem so that you will be a vegetable who will have brainzaps forever which feel like sitting on an electric chair so bad that your jaw will forcefully open and smash back close. SSRIfags are subhumans.
METRO BOOMIN WANT SOME MORE NIGGA
>>27863305
THIS
>lost kisslessness
>sadder now
it was much easier to fool myself into thinking it was okay and poisoning my mind with apathy
but no
normies had to help me
they always have to
FUCK
>>27864034
Your problem sounds mostly like another case of tfwnogf... It's a pleb problem. Embrace your virginity (unless you're a normie pleb and then GTFO) and you will be able to see beyond the pathetic earthlings' biological drive to reproduce.
>>27864086
you want to shit on my post, you might as well reference it you fucking retard
i have depression, ive been diagnosed with it by like 20+ different doctors over the course of my life
>>27864026
First of all technically rcs arent illegal, secondly where the fuck do you think you are? What is this fucking normieville?
Lost most of my emotions and intend to kill myself soon. Used to tear up and become depressed when suicidal ambitions enter my mind, now I feel nothing really. I can occasionally feel some amount emotion, but most of the time I can't feel anything. I feel empty, devoid of emotion, have like two friends I don't care about, can't socialize for shit, and have performed poorly in all areas of my life due to this horrid existential crisis. I did well for about three years of high-level classes in high school. I could muck through it and eventually find myself in the clear, but I feel like I can see my future self in five years. There is a fair chance that life could be okay, but in all likelihood it'll be semi-shit. So I think I'll just blow my head off and enjoy oblivion.
I was thinking about disowning my friends, distancing myself from everyone I know, quit current job and get get a new one (and get close to noone), get savings up for roughly $5,000. This will take about a six months to a year. Eventually I'll exist as a distant memory that is seldom ever thought about, except my immediate family. I'll buy a cheap $3,000 motorcycle and a decent .44 magnum with a two or three inch barrel. I'll bring two dozen 80MG Oxycodones too as to ensure my death. Drive 800 miles to Yellowstone or any other large nature reserve out west. Park the bike at a trailhead and remove license plate. Hike to the middle of the forest then go 18 miles off trail and just shoot myself after consuming the Oxy. I'll probably die right away, as a 200 grain bullet going over 1,000 feet a second can kill a fucking bear.
In the hypothetical instance in which my corpse is found. How do I make sure that the police just process me in that state and dispose of me there? I don't want any of my family contacted. Can I put it in a note or something. Will placing identifying documents with my note/corpse allow them to finalize my death with ease so they don't have to notify my home state or family?
>>27864156
I didn't even read any posts ITT yet. i was just making a general statement.
if SSRIs don't work, you dont have real depression. you are just feelign normal and a manchild who looks for extreme instant gratification. the drug you are looking for is cocaine/methamphetamine/heroin.
>>27864090
iktf
WHY IS KISSING SO GOOD?
>>27864162
I mean who is actually gonna send a random guy drugs from the chan. That's all I was saying.
None of you manchildren will ever kill yourselfs. Infact, if you were actually about to die you would fear death more than every normie ever because you haven't even lived yet.
WE GOT LONDON ON THE TRACK
>>27864194
the only fucking mention in the entire fucking thread of SSRI's was in my post
you're a fucking retard, shut the fuck up.
>>27864162
>secondly where the fuck do you think you are? What is this fucking normieville?
wtf? Drugs are for normies you normie. there is nothing more normie than taking drugs.
>>27864224
What the fuck about "i just fucking came into this thread and randomly made a post withotu reading anythign" do you not understand?
Stop fucking thinking that the world revolves around you, you pathetic roastie. Your mind works like that of a woman, that's your problem
>>27864232
Having a dealer is normie, but in 2016 anyone can and should do drugs.
>>27864249
i dont give a fuck what you are saying at this point, you're a confirmed fucking retard sperging and ranting about SSRIs like a delusional fucking retard
you know literally nothing, you are literally a fucking retard. now shut the fuck up and pretend you aren't a complete fucking idiot for once in your life.
>>27864224
>>27864249
How about you both shut up. This is a depression thread not a thread to mindlessly scream at other people over the internet.
>>27864269
>I'm a confirmed fucking retard sperging and ranting
fixed, kek
i know alot of things. i just feel good looking down on depressed SSRI subhuman manchildren. SO I'M SHITPOSTING RITE HERE BRA
>>27862997
>rejected from pizza hut
>rejected from mc donalds
>rejected from red rooster
i just need a job god damn it
>>27864312
Why did you get rejected?
>>27864308
right, you cant logically refute anything so now youre pretending to be a fucking retard, when i've called you a fucking retard from the start
good job, now be a good little boy and shut the fuck up
>>27863272
please don't hurt yourself Aus bro we are here for you
>>27864353
>you cant logically refute anything
i can
but i dont need to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De-M42xNkDU
Don't do drugs!
>tfw having an up day
Enjoying that endless despair faggots?
>>27864727
This is a good feel
>felt like shit for weeks in a row
>currntly too numb to care again
No crushing anxiety today faggots
I play vidya to try and escape the depression, but every time I play I'm reminded how much of a useless cunt I am and it sends me right back into a depressive state.
>tfw youtube waifu puts out a new video
>tfw wait until it would be around when she would wake up in her time zone to leave a comment so it would be at the top
>tfw leave her a nice comment and helpfully point out she forgot to link some stuff in the description
>tfw no response :^(
she'll love me back one day brobots. i have nothing more than faith and patience
>had no friends all throughout 6 years of secondary school
>went to college, made best effort to make friends, forced myself to hang around everyone who was alone, regularly waited a couple hours back after lectures to meet someone for an hour
>no success; everyone meets new and more interesting people and abandons me
>have a psychotic break and sectioned and forced into hospital, forced to drop out of college by doctors who said the college wouldn't let me back in
>succeed in finding lonely friendless gf on Tinder 6 months ago
>she met Chad friend 2 months ago and became increasingly distant
>dumped me 3 weeks ago
>get so desperate I try and reconnect with those college friends who abandoned me
>send three WhatsApp messages to them
>all marked as "seen", no one replies
>gained 40 pounds from metabolic effects of antipsychotics
I really want to kill myself. There is no joy.
>>27864709
that is creepy and it scares me
>>27865258
What about what was done is scaring you?
>>27864353
Haha lol this nigga so mad
>>27864209
More alien memes pls
>tfw i type up a whole story just to delete it all cause im scared of getting judged by a bunch of robots
>>27865244
what are you crying about faggot, you had a gf just get a new one
>>27865606
they will probably call you a normie
>>27865606
Relax. We are quietly judging you no matter what you do.You faggot.
>>27865244
no memeing intended, but why do some people try this hard to be normie and when they fail they get so much mental problems that they even start to take drugs?
I'm 22 and didnt have friends since 7 years and even before that it was quite meh. yeah i am often wondering what it would be like and also want to have sex and all, but it's not the end of the world. i usually find enjoyment and distraction in other things. i am also not depressed
>>27865662
Psychosis runs in my family. It just happened to hit me then. I don't use drugs or abuse alcohol
>>27865735
lol retard, with drugs i meant the antipsychotics
>>27865244
wtf is a psychosis, what exactly was the experience like?
>>27865814
You realise I hate them, hate taking them and am forced to by doctors? Lately I've tapered them off a bit to try and lose weight but life is unliveable while fully off them. Dickhead.
>>27865924
can you explain to us unknowledged what a psychosis is like? like what exactly it feels like and your thoughts process and stuff
i read through the wikipedia article but just cant imagine
>>27866026
Not him but I talk a little with another patient at a mental hospital I went to
She had a few signs(numbers, certain actions(rubbing your eye or other stuff)) that would make her think someone was after her
When she saw helicopters fly around she thought they were recording her
It's a lot better when she is taking her meds tho
>>27866274
yes but what is a psychotic break like
i mean you obviously know that no one is after you, so what exactly does that feel all like in ur mind like
>>27862215
Reason: Quite the same as yours.
Last attempt: Tried to slit my throat in a forest.
Sat in the cold woods for an hour with the blade to my throat.
Then some teenage girls interrupted me and I gave up.
I decided to try to unfuck myself and had a job interview and turned in yet another application.
I'm pretty stupid. At night I regret not finishing myself.
>>27866026
Sorry for the late reply.
Basically mine first manifested itself as physical tics - involuntary mouth movements, maybe opening and closing my mouth as if talking without moving my lips. It's very hard to describe the mental aspect of doing ridiculous things that usually you don't know you're doing. It's hard to describe what a non-lucid state that isn't related to drugs or alcohol is like but I'll try.
Basically, you don't question. You aren't lucid enough to question if maybe Anneliese Michel isn't actually haunting you, or Nero isn't actually trying to possess you, or why there's a man in a black suit with a pram following you everywhere. The aspect of cognition that would normally go "hold on, this is a bit ridiculous and it isn't real" is completely stripped away by the constant confusion and fear. That, and its very difficult to describe how scared you are the first time your senses deceive you.
It's the kind of thing no one can snap you out of without medication.
>>27864182
The state and police don't care about your final wishes. Accidental or not they'll notify them.
Make sure you get to some desolate area and decompose where I.D'ing you will be hard.
>Clinical depression and severe anxiety (to the point where I can't go outside by myself without feeling dizzy and shaking)
>Beginning to get a little bit more comfortable being outside recently after the last time I got jumped by a group of 15 year-old lads.
>Try to go to the shops yesterday during the afternoon.
>Bunch of drunks start yelling at me and throwing beer bottles at me from across the road.
I didn't even do anything. I was just walking by myself on the sidewalk trying to buy some milk. Now it's all peaked again and I'm too scared to leave my room.
I don't know what it is about me that makes people automatically want to hurt me without even knowing me but it's been going on since I was five and started school. I've gotten used to it and expect it to happen but it still makes me feel even worse every time it happens.
I can't get any help for this shit because the local mental health services are disgusting. I tried using them and the treatment I got was just horrible (doctor's telling me they didn't have time to listen because "their lunch break started soon" after I'd taken myself to the hospital because I'd attempted to commit suicide, being bounced back and forth between three different hospitals all day because they couldn't decide where to put me, being locked outside the psych ward for around half an hour and they couldn't find me, despite me standing right in front of the security cameras, cunts for doctors who yelled at the patients). I can't find any reliable support groups near me to talk about this shit. I just immerse myself in video games as a form of escapism and browse /r9k/ because that's the only place I can find where I can anonymously vent with people who are similarly bitter, depressed and angry.
>>27867089
>tics
i had exactly the same as a kid and got treated with ritalin. i no logner take ritalin and i still sort of have the tics but i can surpress them. so i know exactly what you were going through. but what has that to do with psychosis??
tfw nobody ever replies to your posts. the internet is just you talking to yourself.
>>27866980
>i mean you obviously know that no one is after you
actually no, you genuinely think someone is after you
t. paranoid schizo
>>27863584
I feel you on the therapist bullshit.
My first therapist completely ignored the depression and suicidal ideation and focused on one tiny aspect of my anxiety for five fucking weeks. Even when I brought it up he just went "We won't talk about that now" and spent an hour talking about how I'm entitled to use the fridge in the place I was renting a room at because I mentioned I have an irrational fear of using the kitchen when other people are in the kitchen or adjoining room.
He didn't even mention any other part of the kitchen. Just the fridge.
And that's not mentioning his bullshit platitudes ("everyone has bad days", "just be yourself") and bad advice like telling me to write a list of all my faults and positives and compare them daily. How the fuck was a massive list of objective faults and failings compared with "Dick isn't small" supposed to help me?
>Suicidal ideation has warped into homocidal ideation.
Elliot, I'll be with you soon.
Why do I want to be cut up and scarred?
I want to do one cut then another and another and another until I'm covered in bloody scratches. I feel like my entire body needs to be covered in cuts.
help
>>27867666
When I was in the ward, which houses a significant amount of suicidal people and self harmers, I found it funny that they had a rule written on the wall
>1. Treat others as you yourself want to be treated
>>27867611
>He didn't even mention any other part of the kitchen. Just the fridge.
probably some normiechad makin mad cash with your dumb ass, lol
>no friends
>stupidly moved far away from family
>awful, minimum wage job
>no college
>hobbies don't make me feel anything, I just do them so I don't feel completely useless
>very quiet, just piss people off because I never say anything
I just don't know guys. I don't know how people have interests or relationships. I just want to be happy.
>>27865619
That one hit a little too close to home.
>"Hey they're talking about Crazy Taxi! I've been playing Crazy Taxi all day and am improving my skills and even managed to get close to a CRAZY License. Maybe I should join in."
>"Wait, they'll probably call me a faggot and bring up something humiliating that happened to me in the past even though there is no possible way for them to know who I am, let alone details of something like that."
>Close tab instead.
I don't have a suitable reaction image so just pretend this gif is of a cartoon frog looking sad while sucking from a teat of video games as a form of escapism.
>>27862723
I experience visual snow in my room at night, not anywhere else, not in daylight or dark. Maybe it's cause I'm tired? I don't know.
I opened my arm from wrist to elbow. Lost lots of blood, suffering from brain damage to this day.
I still want to die but what can you do.
>>27867736
It was a free government service.
Explains it all, really.
Pro tip for Ausfags: These free Headspace centres are fucking useless. If you have to use them, get them to refer you to an actual psychiatrist instead of their in-house "Be-Yourselves".
>>27867891
Because I was ITO in the public hospital I'm dealing with the free system at the moment and it's alright.
They're trying to recommend me some free alternatives but they're saying I should go private and see a psychologist because I'm already getting psychiatrist help from the hospital.
Those free alternatives are apparently things like group sessions for anxiety... fuck that, I don't want to listen to attractive normalfags talk about how difficult it is to get anxious at parties.
>>27862885
For some reason I can go to my doctor and just ask him for diazapam and he will prescribe me it for free, I thought this was normal?
>>27863194
Same, literally me.
