> tfw start helping children in foster homes
> start feeling happy
> one girl there really wants to see me each day
> she calls me for the first time yesterday and asks when I'll come and visit her again
> start realising it will be extremely hard to adopt because i'm a single white male
Did any of you ever try volunteering anywhere? I've been hammering about this for a few days now, but i'd really like to recommend doing this if you have the free time. It might not be for everyone, but this is the first time I don't feel like I have a black hole in my soul. If any of you have any questions about this stuff i'd be glad to answer.
listening to futurepop right now, and momiji is synicing up perfectly with the beat it's fucking hypnotizing
>single male
nearly impossible
>>27549060
Is there any chance in hell you'd be able to adopt?
One day I want to have a kid. It'd be great, teach them how to be smart, martial arts so they can beat up anyone that does anything wrong to them.
>>27549060
>>27549132
>single man
Even gay couples have a better chance of adopting a kid.
And honestly, robots are the last people who should be raising children.
>>27549228
yeah true probably man, I need to learn how to cook for myself.
>>27549060
What are the people like there? What's the usual day like?
I volunteered playing the piano at the old people home a few times now. They are so lonely, and slowly going insane. Oldies sure do love ice-cream though.
>>27549091
Good taste anon.
Was listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOH6LNtV4d0 and decided to use momiji as the gif.
>>27549132
There is and it is possible, but the additional checks are unfair. I didn't go into details with the workers yet, but I had to go through multiple interviews and a psychological evaluation just to take her out to the park and ice skating. Even then one worker tagged along for half of the day.
The biggest red flags were, obviously, i'm a single white male. I have no facebook or other social media(this was actually a small problem during an interview). No family to vouch for me. Live alone. Had old records of psychological problems and being hospitalized 2 times.
> One day I want to have a kid. It'd be great, teach them how to be smart, martial arts so they can beat up anyone that does anything wrong to them.
I really recommend going and volunteering at a foster home then. It's very simple to do it if you're just there to help out a group of kids. They only dive deep into your past if you get attached to a kid. God forbid the kid is of the opposite sex.
>>27549228
> Even gay couples have a better chance of adopting a kid.
They probably are. I know of another volunteer, a woman, who had no problems taking a boy out for a play date and she didn't have to go through the same process as me.
As for robots raising children, it depends on alot of things. I can guarantee alot of robots would love to raise a child and know that they were able to provide for the kid things they never had themselves. There are a few volunteers at the foster home that i'm 100% sure are robots. And it's not like you adopt right on the spot. It's best to be with the kids for a long time to see how you'd manage.
>>27549259
>Anon, I don't want to eat ramen again...
>Shut up and watch K-On!, sweetheart.
>>27549299
>don't fucking touch my figurines, they aren't toys
>>27549060
I tried to volunteer and get involved in an adult literacy program after seeing that feel good commercial on TV where a white teenage boy helps a nigger trying to learn to read.
I went through a background check (I have ni criminal record) and spent lots of time going to a few informational meetings and talking to a few people. I signed several papers stating that I would commit to a 12 months volunteer work. Luckily the background check was paid for by the county. Kept getting tossed around between two county employees - they both kept telling me to go see the other about getting started.. Finally I just gave up and I never heard back from them.
>>27549348
>Daddy, why do the girls in your comic books have pee pees? Does that mean you like guys?
>IT'S CALLED FUTA. GO TO YOUR ROOM.
>>27549291
I can't talk about all foster homes, since i've only ever been to one.
Most of the workers are quite friendly, a few pretend to be friendly and they try their hardest.
The volunteers come and go. I've been going there regularly for over 6 months now. There ws a huge influx of people helping out during the holidays, but alot of them stop coming.
The kids are divided into families of 8. A family has two workers always staying with them (total of 4 workers rotating). The place also has their own nurse and psychiatrist. A kitchen is shared by two "families" and a block houses two families aswell. It feels like a dorm for students.
I've been over to the place during different hours of the day. So in the morning, you make sure to wake all the children up, and help them prepare to go to school if they do go there and are old enough. You help them make food, make sure they comb their hair, wash up, brush their teeth. The older kids go on their own, the younger ones are guided by a worker sometimes.
Once the ones that go to school leave, you stay and play with the younger ones. It involves different kinds of activity, such as drawing, reading books, playing in the yard or inside. You try to talk with them, listen to their problems etc. Once everyone is back from school, we go and prepare food together.
After that some just go to their rooms to relax, others partake in activities. Normally at around 5pm we start preparing homework. Children can either do it in their own room or in bigger halls. It becomes a sort of classroom, with volunteers and workers helping out with any problems they have. The rest of the day is spent cleaning up, helping them do their own laundry and talking about any problems they had. Maybe they had a bad day at school, are feeling down, solving disputes and so on. There's alot more, but that's the broad gist of it.
The particular foster home has alot of younger children, with most of them being under 14 years old.
Is it possible to adopt a child to make them into your internet meme machine shitposting minion?
>>27549515
Haha now I wonder..There is a computer class there were kids get X hours of computer time. I wonder if they have this place blocked or do we have kids from foster homes shitposting here.
>>27549380
Sorry to hear you had such problems anon. Can't talk about any other places, but it's usually a matter of just coming in and helping out in foster homes. Most of the workers are happy even if you come a few times a week for an hour or so to help with homework.
All the background bullshit starts when you become more attached and want to work individually with children. Then it becomes hell if you're a single X color male.
Can I adopt a child if I'm going to die in about 10 years time or so?
Can I teach them tricks like sit, roll over and such? Are they house trained?
Do they like anime or do I have to make them like it myself?
Mate I'm a white male, in my 20s, and it'd be too scary to volunteer there. I'd imagine everyone would think you're a pedophile.
>>27549648
If anything, alot of volunteers are students and people between 18-25. That's the absolute biggest group of people, with the 2nd biggest being moms who already had children. People would only care if you started flipping skirts or touching kids in a weird way.
Besides that nobody would mind you coming and they'd want any possible help they can get. Some places even have "older sibling" programs, where you get a kid as a "little brother" or "little sister" that you have to take care off. Obviously, that needs a ton of background check, but it's for people between 16-26.
>>27549687
What if I want to punch them?
>>27549797
You probably will. A good portion of them can be spoiled brats. There were many cases where I really wanted to yell at some of them and borderline wanted to grab and shake them abit. You get training from the workers as you go volunteering, to learn how to handle certain situations.
Tell some stories senpai!
Delusional neets think they can adopt little girls because they voulunteered
>youre a pedo
>you dont have a stable income
>you dont have a partner
>your parents basement isnt a suitable enviroment for raising kids
>you will never be a father
>>27549060
>>27549648
I dont get this meme where white guys act like they cant be around children because they and only they will be called a pedophile
Do you really think non-white guys can do the same thing and not be accused of being a pedophile? Because thats fucking retarded.
I could understand if the situation was that you guys were in a southeast asian village mingling with the children in which yeah white guys probably will be singled out as pedos
But if anything being a minority (im using the term literally not as codeword for non whites) around children is always worse because you draw more attention to yourself.
I mean really you think a black guy being around white children is less likely to be called a pedo than you?
I think the only way a single man is allowed to adopt is if he is her only living relative left
>>27549959
It's always little girls too. But they're not pedophiles, ever. Why don't I ever see threads like this talking about adopting a son or having your own little bro. It's always a daughter or little sister. But it's NEVER sexual.
>>27549959
> youre a pedo
I hope not
> you don't have a stable income
but I do anon. I'm not rich, but I am able to save up money
> you don't have a partner
that's a problem I know
> your parents basement isnt a suitable enviroment for raising kids
Own a small house. Well the house is big, but it's split down the middle by a garage of sorts. I live on one side, a family lives on the other
> you will never be a father
I wish I could. I want to be a father more than I want a relationship.
>>27549998
The white male part is a meme, the X color male part isn't. It waves red flags right from the start if you have no partners, you're a male and want to adopt. The workers where I volunteer never said it directly, but they always seemed abit uncomfortable and asked questions like "why do you want to be with a child", "why a girl", "what would you do together exactly". They seem like normal questions but they ask them in a very specific mannerism. I can understand they're being on the safe side, since if you're single there's PROBABLY something off about you. Again, it's more of a meme gone wrong, but you have to live with it.
>>27550011
No, you can still adopt. The whole point is CAN you take care of the kid, can you keep the child safe and provide for him/her.
>>27550026
I noticed this aswell.I spend alot of time with a young girl and she formed a sort of attraction to me. It was a cause for me to go to multiple interviews and psychiatric evaluation to see my intentions. But they also use me in some way to bridge her between them, since I can get her to talk slightly more openly with me, than she does with the workers.
But now I wonder was there something else in the back of my mind that got me attached to her. I really hope it's nothing bad. When I think about it, she just looked left out all the time. I also really liked how well mannered she is and the discipline that she has. Would i've formed a connection if it was a boy? Who knows.
>>27549896
Anything particular?
I'm just over here praying that what you're saying is the truth and that it all works out well. I would love to adopt a kid but multiple things prevent that from happening, at least for now. Can I ask that you keep us updated on what happens? I'd love to get on one day and find out that you were approved for adoption. Also I think you said it in the last thread but how old is she?
>>27550026
The typical parent-child relationships are father-daughter and mother-son. Who doesn't know this?
>>27550190
Most people don't know this actually. That happens more naturally in a healthy family but media usually says it's the other way so people usually think about it as father son and mother daughter.
>>27550110
Have the kids every said anything disturbing/scary?
>>27550177
7. Will be 8 in 4 months.
Well I'm mainly posting to see if anyone else had a similar experience to mine. Again, it's quite popular with younger people, especially with the ones who are very very lonely. I still have my doubts about the whole thing. I don't want to just go in and adopt and it would take multiple years to do it fully anyways.
My goals right now is to be approved for play-dates with her outside of the foster home. The younger children especially are not really allowed to go outside the grounds, unless they go to school. And even then they need to come back after classes. If I can keep it up, I'd love to get further approved to maybe have her over during her birthdays, Christmas and other holidays. Only then if everything works out will I think of adoption. And I don't want to string her along making her think of it either. for now we are just good friends.
>>27550233
Not to me directly, but there were many cases while I was there where some of the kids wanted to kill themselves, said they wanted to die etc. There was an incident a few years ago where this older girl blamed a worker for raping her, since she became pregnant. She was problematic to begin with. There was a big investigation, but they alter found out that the guy was basically sterile and could never have children, so she ended up confessing.
Some of the kids can be very manipulative and blackmail you by saying they will tell the workers you abuse them if you don't buy them things.
To me directly, the most uncomfortable thing was when some kids would come up to me and ask how much money I have and if i'll be able to buy them expensive gifts. When I said now they would say something on the lines of "then what good are you you fuck". It's mainly a problem with teens.
>>27550110
https://youtube.com/watch?v=zc--FjGgAig
Would much rather a daughter than a son. I agree with the whole media making it look like it's a father son, mother daughter world, but deep down I feel it's the opposite. Would have a son for sure, but man daughter would be where it's at. Make her feel like she has someone that has got her back all the time, someone that would give her piggy backs and all that.
Too bad I'll never be a father.
>>27550307
So I should give my balls the old snip snip treatment with the doctor before volunteering eh?
>>27550208
>>27550190
This does make sense. There's this subtle feeling to protect the girls more than boys. And the boys in the foster home are almost always being taken care of female volunteers, especially mothers who already have kids. Again ,the workers always say that they highly prefer if females worked with females and males worked with males.
>>27550336
No. As a volunteer you are almost always being watched. These kind of cases are probably rare, but they also probably depend on the foster home. Some have more problematic children in them. The worker in question also lived in a building nearby, so there was more probability to the whole claim. You don't really get any alone time with any of the kids as a volunteer, unless again you go through alot of hoops and loops. You are also specifically told to report any blackmailing or similar claims to the workers. If you follow the basic instructions, you are safe.
>>27550190
And? Would it kill you guys to show some empathy towards the boys? Or do you naturally gravitate to little girls because you're a pedophile and/or you've never had any intimate female contact?
It's not a coincidence that you guys can only show empathy to little girls.
>>27550307
What country are you in?
I have done volunteer work with kids for years but its only once in a while. It is a good feel to see them learn stuff, have fun and so on. There a couple of christmas cakes that sometimes help out. One tried it on a little once. I think that was the closest I've come to gf ever.
Special protectiveness of daughters is a thinly disguised form of sexism.
>>27550324
Meanwhile guys who have had girlfriends and wives want boys and even girls say the same because they know what girls grow up to be. Ive had a lot of girls agree with me when I say I want a boy when having this conversation. Seriously, they usually say they dont want the drama and that boys are easier. My own mom said she only wanted boys at first until she never had a daughter.
But every fucking anime watching NEET wont settle for less than a cute little girl. Why is that?
>>27550476
In that context you're completely right. It's because moe anime portrays them in such a light that it all looks so cute and adorable. They want to raise a daughter to be pure and perfect just like in their anime. Though many of them would end up giving the kid back or raping it.
Not everyone has the same urge for boys though. The reason I want a daughter is because my younger sister is an amazing person and I was there through most of her life helping to raise her. I also have 2 nieces and their the most perfect little things I've ever seen. One of them I'm practicly raising myself. I just have a stronger urge for a daughter than a son but if I were to have a child with someone I would be happy with either.
But yea, if all you've seen are bratty girls that grow up to be super sluts and generic as all hell it's perfectly normal to want to steer clear of that. I've just had a different experience
>>27550476
My fiancee died wanting a girl. That's why. Goodnight.
>>27550448
Eastern Europe.
Volunteer work is really fun, was surprised by it myself. Like I said above there are the problematic children, but I can still understand them in a way. I try to work with them aswell from time to time.
It's such an amazing feeling to help them with homework for some reason. I've helped a few prepare for tests and the next day they showed me their perfect results and they were really happy about it. Made me happy aswell that I was able to teach them something and somewhat proud.
>>27550476
Not sure about this, but just gonna throw out a personal opinion. Maybe because boys ARE just easier to handle. The biggest thing i'd always be thinking about if I had a daughter is : Will she come back home safe? Wont she be attacked by some rapist? Will she find a proper boyfriend? Will she stay safe and not get pregnant as a teen? How would I handle her changing moods and wilder emotions? Teen rebel years and all that. Boys would probably be easier to manage.
On the other hand, I've always dreamt of raising and protecting a girl. Giving her proper family values. Seeing her find her loved one who takes care of her. Seeing her marry and have her family. The end goals might be selfish I guess. It's actually something I might talk about with the psychiatrist there, since we do spend some time together sometimes. Maybe she'll have some extra insight.
I wonder if somewhere psychologically i'm just projecting my frustrations with women in general? thinking that I could raise a proper woman who's true and pure. Maybe it's goodwill mixed in with my own delusions? This is something I think about alot and until I understand myself fully I could never attempt to adopt.
>>27550566
.... Goodnight anon. That's a good reason.
>>27550584
>I've helped a few prepare for tests and the next day they showed me their perfect results and they were really happy about it
Its a good feeling indeed. It may not be so applicable in your field but it can be quite humbling to see kids grow up who you know are going to do greater things than you ever did but its good to know you played a part in getting them there.
>>27550638
And further to that I'm out of thread but good luck with it anon.
>>27550584
>and until I understand myself fully
That would be most parents too I would say. No one know it all at any time.
I was in foster care from about 10 onwards untill I was 18. I have to say that it's really easy to get attached to a worker who actually cares about you. There was this one guy that was always willing to lend a hand and never once got mad at anyone. I even had some punk ass shits in my building that would treat him like garbage but after some weeks they started to respect him because he was a genuinely good guy. There was this one time i was feeling depressed for weeks but I was hiding it like most people do. Not even the therapist noticed a thing. One day he came up to me while I was pretending to read under a tree and just sat there with me for over an hour not saying a word. I then broke down crying and he held me the entire time consoling me and assuring me that he would never abandon me. When I left he went out to the parking lot with me and handed me an envelope and told me to open it later. After a bit of a tearful goodbye I took off to a friend's apartment where I was going to stay at until I got a job. When I got there I opened it and it was about a thousand dollars and a letter telling me that if I ever needed ANYTHING to give him a call. He even put down the numbers for his wife and home number along with his adress and email. I've never felt so loved by anyone in my life and it really hurts that we drifted apart several years ago.
If this girl gets this attached to you you had better not hurt her anon. Make sure she knows how much you care about her and take full responsibility for her emotionally. Be there for her. Never half ass it and always be on the look out for if she feels upset or down. If you feel that you can't be there for her 100% don't let her get attached. Wean her away from you and make sure she only sees you as another worker.
I don't know if I would've made it if he hadn't been there for me for so many years.
>>27550561
I honestly never considered moe anime as an explanation because I rarely watch anime period but this seriously seems like a decent explanation. Not a full explanation but certainly part of it. It becomes easier to romanticize little girls that way. I also think just not having intimate relationships with women strengthens the urge.
>>27550566
I doubt this is true but in the tiny chance it is, I don't understand why you would feel the need to defend yourself if I was speaking on incel NEETs.
I'm not saying that a man wanting a daughter is a bad thing, I'm saying that something isnt right when every single weaboo with no friends or job wants a daughter. It's a generalization and no doubt a large portion is because of their pedophile tendencies.
>>27550584
Thanks for the honest reply man. As much as it seems like I'm just here to insult, I'm genuinely trying to find out why this specific group of sexually frustrated males always wants to raise a daughter.
>>27550818
The moe anime thing is just me throwing weak insults. I like to watch some anime and I've enjoyed a few slice of life ones and they're usually about young highschool girls doing highschool girl thing. Most NEET males look at that and imagine how perfect life would be if they could have friends like that unconditionally and they usually end up wanting a daughter to fill that role. For others it's about hating themselves and not wanting a kid like them so a daughter would be the opposite.
It's mostly just their opinions being altered by their hobby's. It's kinda like how I want a daughter because I've helped raise girls and I love them. They want a daughter because in anime they see them growing up to be so happy and healthy and they want to protect someone in a similar manner. Most of them would just give the kid up after a month after they realise that children aren't the perfect little cute robots they wish they were.
>>27550748
If this is actually true then thank you alot for the input. I have to ask one thing tho. Is it bad that the workers there always want me to tell them what the girl told me? In a way I feel like i'm betraying her trust. She didn't say anything bad, just how she feels for losing her parents, we talked about some nightmares she has, that sometimes it's too loud for her to study and so on. Things the workers were surprised to hear. How should I handle this situation? Should I always tell them what she told me, or should I keep some things as a secret if she asks?
The problem is that I don't really know how to act near her. I was never part of a family unit that cares, so i'm trying to do things that I would of wanted my parents to have done to me. I'm still trying to fully understand why i'm doing it. I don't like leaving things to be simply as they are. I want to make sure I can actually be there for her and make her happy. Considering it's not even a year since she lost her parents, i'm already extremely honored she wants to spend so much time with me.
It also feels alot different to work with a child one on one, rather than working with a group with them.
I would be fine if she got bored of me and moved on, but like you said, i'm afraid that I would end up not wanting to hang out with her and end up hurting her.
>>27550818
> Thanks for the honest reply man. As much as it seems like I'm just here to insult, I'm genuinely trying to find out why this specific group of sexually frustrated males always wants to raise a daughter.
Didn't feel like an insult at all. I've been thinking over these things alot the past few weeks. I've read enough stories about other local foster homes, where young children were used in not nice ways. I can understand why people would be cautious on the reasoning for the whole love between an adult male and a child female, or vice versa. I'm even cautious of my own intentions.
>>27550925
Honestly I can't help you too much on that. It's all about judgment calls when it comes to keeping those things from the other workers. If it's something innocent that nobody would care about just don't mention it unless they ask. Normal stuff you should probably tell them and anything that's really personal that you don't want to tell the other workers should be taken care of on a case by case basis. The only situation where it really becomes a problem to not say absolutely everything is when it's an adult male and a child female. It's not so much that that's where the actual problems happen but it's where people think they happen. The base line is that you could cause a lot if trouble by not saying anything to them. It's really up to you.
Just make sure that everything you say to the workers is worded in a way that accurately reflects reality. From the sounds of it they might have you take care if her more and more or they might decide that since she's opening to you she's just fine. Regardless someone may try and warp things you've said to make problems where there are none. If she says she feels sad for losing her parents make sure they don't decide she needs meds or some shit. Same thing with the nightmares. Make it clear that if they're just normal nightmares or just unpleasant dreams that that's all it is. Don't make it seem like she's not getting along with the others if that's not the case.
Once someone decides that there is a problem it's nigh impossible to tell them otherwise. Especially when it comes to workers like that.
I'm so lonely. Maybe it's time I join her.
I hope that little girl gets adopted by a cannibal rapist.
>>27551061
... Just go to sleep. You don't want to see the disappointment in her eyes when she sees you again. Sees that you decided to end it all instead of living life the way she hoped you would. It may never get better and it's likely to get worse but you owe it to her to try.
Can you please not post this thread every day?
Thanks,
Anon
>>27551055
Shit, it's a good thing that it was how I said it. I basically told them she has a few bad dreams and was feeling down. I somewhat let it down with a laugh saying, that I doubt they could name a child that doesn't have nightmares. But then I felt bad about it, that maybe it's a major problem.
As far as the parents thing went, while we were in the park I noticed that she was thinking about something, so when the worked left I asked her. She said she's misses her parents and cried abit. That she dreamt of them that night and when she woke up she went to look for them, but remembered they aren't alive. so that's what I told the workers, but they themselves told me it's natural for her to still be very upset over it and that it takes a very long time for wounds to heal.
As you say medicine is not a good thing out of nowhere. I was already on AD since I was 10 years old and I hated it. When I remember how I felt then, it makes me upset that people saw my reaction to my abusive parents as a problem of me and tried to "cure" me, rather than deal with them.
I really really wish she doesn't have to go on medicine just yet or ever at all for that matter.
>>27551164
This is the second day and the 2nd thread I made.
>>27551173
Its annoying. Go soap box somewhere else
>>27551181
>>27551164
Eat shit and die, it's r9k, anything goes.
Imma be starting up a be the best you can be thread tomorrow, just for you, cuck
>>27551181
How about you tell this to the plethora of Tanny/fembot threads. At least this guy is trying to have a more real conversation of sorts.
>>27549060
I'm going to start volunteering at a local hospital soon. Anyone got experience to share? I have no idea what it'll be like.
>>27551173
She probably doesn't. most kids don't. The ones who recommend meds the most are people who think they have a complete understanding of a child's mind. Typically parents who couldn't even raise their own kids right claim this kind of thing. If she seems to you like she's normal, just sad, make sure you talk to the other workers in a way that assures they don't dope her mind up and destroy these critical learning years for her. Just keep what you're doing and don't get too close if you don't plan on sticking around
>>27551181
How is it annoying exactly?
/r9k/ doesn't really have a topic. It's a board where people were dealt really bad cards with their life mostly. There's nothing wrong for such people to have a need to help others to not become or live through a life like they did themselves. It's also a personal satisfaction thing to fill the void of nobody caring or even knowing you exist.
Sorry the thread upsets you anon.
There are much worse threads on this board, but that's just my opinion. Maybe fembot feels is of higher quality than this thread.
I wanted to share my experience, but to also answer questions about the process, so that other robots could help others IF they ever felt the need.
>>27551218
No experience with hospitals, but i'm certain they will be more than happy to get any help you can provide. The only thing you should do is find the exact hospital you want to go to and either call them or write an email. Tell them you want to help out and ask them if they need something specific. Try to get a date set to meet the people there to get a tour.
I help our this 92 year old lady who is somehow still kicking just fine. I'm afraid she's getting too attached to me though. I don't have the time to help her as much as she wants and I don't really want to spend ALL of my free time with her. I also don't want to tell her no. I enjoy our conversations but it's getting harder and harder each time.
This kinda sucks.
>>27551263
Okay, thanks for the advice anon.
I want to stick around. It became a routine going there and I enjoy working with all the children there. I just wasn't the most stable person myself and i'm afraid I wouldn't be able to handle more heavier situations with her. Maybe even make things worse.
Now I started wondering if there are any classes or courses that go more in-depth on how to deal with children.
I volunteer at one of the homeless shelters in my city. We're a pretty small city ~350,000 so you see a lot of regulars.
It did me a lot of good when I missed a day because I was sick, and one of the homeless I talk to saw me on the street and ran up to me
Guy didn't even ask for money, he just wanted to know if I was okay
>>27551267
Cool, I'll get on it. Thanks, my man
>>27551315
Thousands of things like that online but I'm not sure about in person classes. You could start with reading a few blogs and some books on the subject and ask the other workers about that sort of thing. For the most part it's usually instinct though. You just need to attempt to understand the kid and it usually works from there.
Though if the thing about lacking a family dynamic is true it might be better that you apply more logic and less reason. I don't know you but you do. If you feel like you don't know how to interact properly you should learn how too.
Also my biggest piece of advice when it comes to children is to remember that they aren't fucking idiots. Even from an eairly age they understand what's happening and know what things mean. Keep that in mind when she's talking to you about how she feels. All too often I see parents treating their children like a sack of meat and it really hurts the child.
>>27550110
>guy calls you a pedo
>your response is "I hope not"
Yeah, fuck your fantasy and your thread.
>>27551401
Wow man. As you can see from his posts he is talking to a therapist and doing some soul searching and whatnot to understand why he is feeling so attached to her. That is the only reason he said I hope not, he's worried. Chances are he isn't one and that he just wants to protect her. He is actively trying to understand why he wants to care for a child vs deciding that he wants to fuck it like all of you shits do.
>>27551437
any male who shows an interest in a little girl who isn't his family is a pedo rapist and should be drowned
>>27551463
Nice defense mechanisms, pedo :)
>>27551463
Not true. Just because your pee pee gets stiff when you see an innocent child wandering about doesn't mean every male does. Wait.... I bit the fucking bait. Shit
>>27551477
>wants to kill pedos
>so he must be a pedo
nice try, pedo
>>27551394
Well considering I never knew how to talk with children that well, I try to interact with them as I do with other people. I really don't like the whole "abloo abloo" thing that other volunteers do or when they speak in that fluffy baby talk.
As for children and if they're idiots or not, I always think it comes down to experience. They simply don't have the experience to know what's right or wrong. Hell some adults don't either. That's how I always see them.
Would you mind me asking if you ever had things that annoyed you very much in the foster home? Especially something that workers or volunteers did? I know it's different between people, but would still like to hear your side of things.
>>27549298
>Had old records of psychological problems and being hospitalized 2 times.
Fuck man, tough luck but keep doing what you're doing
>>27551508
What annoyed me most wasn't the workers but the other kids. I've always been "mature" for my age and diddnt care too much about trying to actually cool. The other kids on the other hand would always do really stupid stuff to try and be more adult or cooler and were constantly trying to get laid. Luckily I diddnt care to the point where even peer pressure did not work but not all the kids were the same.
There were some workers who treated us like subhumans but the never actually abused us or anything so that was whatever.
I disliked the chore system they had because nobody ever did it anyways so I would just do them all and get the points to spend in their weird store thing. I actually saved up enough at one point to fill this small bin with hotwheels for my sister.
One thing I liked though is I was male. Boys will generally leave you alone or even be downright kind as long as you're respectful back and they don't have some sort of issue that makes them an ass. Girls on the other hand are vindictive and evil. Like I know I said I wanted a daughter but these girls would steal from each other and constantly get into fights.
Doing my homework was a pain because people were loud but I usually got it done just fine.
There really isn't too much I can say about it because it's not really anything extra ordinary. It's really just what it looks like from the outside for the most part. The biggest problems are emotional turmoil and problems between the kids.
>>27551437
As if it wasn't sketchy for him to post a little anime girl shaking her hips in the OP. There should be no soul-searching about the question "are you a pedo?" if somebody is considering adoption.
If OP really loves this person, he will let somebody more capable adopt her. If he is determined to help the girl, maybe he can make that connection.
I'm sorry, but for all of the admittedly touching stuff and sad stories posted ITT, the saddest of all would be for a guy who isn't even sure of himself to adopt a little girl then discover deep down that he's a fucking pedophile.
>>27551719
>Literally anyone can find out they're a pedophile after the fact, even legitimate parents
>Guy is trying to find out if he is before
>Guy is in the wrong
?
OP i have a few questions for you or anyone else for that matter
How many hours are you allowed to volunteer a day? can you only do it in the day or can you come in at night too?
What is the process of adopting a kid if your a single guy? what sort of things will make an instant no?
Do the kids there really want help or are they just accepting it because they have no where else to go?
>>27551611
Well that sounds similar to where I volunteer.
I'm just afraid the other kids are really leaving the girl i'm working with out. I still didn't dive deep into it, but normally she just spends her time away from the group and doesn't interact much. also her mannerism and way of speaking is something others could easily make fun off. And i've already saw a few kids mocking her abit when she does her little greeting whenever she meets someone.
>>27551719
> post anime
> pedo
whew there lad.
As for my response, I know in my mind that i'm not a pedophile, but I don't want to find out that I have an attraction to children or teens. Neither do I want anything like that to have any influence why i'd go about adopting someone.
I know I could take care of a child financially and provide for him or her everything they'd need. The question is psychologically. Who am I and how do I react to people? Like I said before I already had problems with my own psychology. I doubt I just cured it all, maybe I just started to ignore it. But I can't do it anymore if I'm considering adoption in the future.
Before even going about it I am trying to see how I feel. I try to write down the reasons why I think I feel X and do Y. I also want to start actively going to a therapist to really dig down and to let professionals decide if I could even hope to adopt someone. To let them decide if i'm stable and if I could handle the responsability.
The last thing I want is for someone to go through a shitty childhood like I did with parents who should of never had children.
I don't try to string her along. I don't talk with her about "oh how I wish we could live together". If I'd have to just say it off the top of my head and go on a whim, then yes i'd want to adopt her. But I don't want to go on a whim. Worst case I can always be her friend and be someone that listens to her, until she finds a family or doesn't need me anymore. Which I don't think is that bad.
>>27551810
You can volunteer for as long as you want, but there's a rule that volunteers need to leave by 9pm atleast at my place. You can't come earlier than 6am either. Only workers get to stay.
The process is most likely the same as for everyone else. Very long and numerous interviews with the workers and social workers. Psychological evaluation. Background checks. I know that if you decide to take a kid from foster home for just the holidays, you need to register for it way in advance. Then social workers come by your place at random and check everything. They talk with your neighbours. They might even go round your workplace. It took me about 2 months of different checks and interviews to take the girl out for a playdate outside the foster home.
An instant no would probably be past criminal records. Especially child abuse records. you probably wont even be able to volunteer then. Also if you don't have the means to take care of the kid financially. I can't be certain, but one of the questions that they usually ask about are your living conditions. Do you rent or do you own a place. It probably gives you an extra + if you own a place.
The biggest redflags for me was :
1) No relationship at all
2) My past psychological records
3) No social media and no friends they could reference, besides my neighbours.
Generally all of the kids are atleast somewhat happy when volunteers come. Atleast for the fact that they get to talk with someone new. A good portion only cared for new people because it meant new presents. Others simply like to find someone they can talk to. I can't talk with everyone, since I don't share the same hobbies. So they tend to ignore you in some way. Nobody forces them to talk with you, you just sort of hangout. They know they can come over to you and initiate a conversation. So there will always be preferences for everyone. Some don't like hanging out with workers or volunteers at all and spend the time with their friends.
>>27551978
>Ismael
Are you jewing me?
>>27552050
April fools names on 4chan. nice.
>>27552069
Kek, but really thanks for all that info senpai, how did you go about starting volunteer work?
Also whether it be the case that you have repressed urges i'm sure you can keep them that way, you seem to me at least like a genuinely decent guy
>>27552099
> this fucking google+ design
Thank you asian moot.
> Kek, but really thanks for all that info senpai, how did you go about starting volunteer work?
I don't know. I just felt empty and wanted to do something to feel good. So tried it out one day. I actually wanted to go to an animal shelter first, but those are far away from the city. The foster home I'm going to now is walking distance away. Like about 3km away. I dropped by and stayed there for a couple hours. Really liked it and came back the next day. I was able to help a few kids with their homework and it felt really good. Also I wasn't expected to talk with anyone or to force myself. Like the workers said, all I had to do was stick around and that's it, the children already knew they could approach grown ups whenever they wanted to.
Eventually I started going there 4-5 times a week. My work lets me work from anywhere and I only need to drop by the office every now and then so it was perfect. Before I would sit around the house not doing much. But this whole thing let me get a routine that I follow. Exercise abit. I'm able to wake up early and have something to look forwards to.
Also, I kept stressing out about finding a relationship, but wasn't able to. After a few days of volunteering, I started losing an interest in relationships and stressing myself over them. I felt that this is more than enough. I feel like i'm wanted and that I can give something back to others. So the whole deal is calming me a huge amount.
>adopt
Ever heard of... marrying?
Many women seek fatherly figure in partners. Nothing wrong with that.
Sorry OP, I'm not a pedo
>>27552343
I never found a person i'd want to be together with. I was let down and hurt too many times. Ofcourse marrying and finding the special someone would be great. On the other hand, there are alot of kids that have a shit life and are locked up in foster homes. Even if I couldn't adopt I wouldn't mind just helping those kids out and just visiting for as long as I can.
Don't do it OP, if you're browsing 4chan you shouldn't adopt.
Get a dog or something
Think of how tight she is, OP.
>>27552643
Don't be a cunt to OP
>>27552592
> browsing the secret club makes you a bad person
I don't think that's how it works.
>>27549998
Being a black guy around children is more viewed like you might be a kidnapper. Which is far better than a pedo because you don't ransom damaged goods as easily. While a pedo is intent on ruining the child.
> be a white guy
> instantly considered a pedo
jesus christ this fucking bullshit. is it even possible to adopt as a single male
I find it somewhat weird that despite being from Eastern Europe you have that much of a problem with people casually suspecting pedophilia, OP. I live in central (not the german part) and I can't say I see many people giving a shit about it, though granted I never worked in child care.
More than that, worrying about being attracted to teens is idiotic. Being attracted to teens, especially the upper end of the age range, is the default state. There may be something wrong with you if you don't find them attractive. Of course exclusive attraction is another matter, but that's not the case here.
>>27554102
Nah I can understand them completely. I mean if I had friends, maybe a relationship and didn't have psychological issues it would be simpler.
Again adoption is surprisingly simple. Find someone who can take care of a child and provide for them. It's very loose. Everything else is up to the social workers to interpret. Not rushing anywhere and it's more than fine to simply visit the foster home, since I stay there for many hours almost every day.
And the more I stay and "work" there, the more I can see for myself how do I feel about being around children. If I can't even handle that then I couldn't adopt. And the workers there get a good long time to get to know me aswell, since we have to talk and they can see my work aswell.
Adoption is something very far down the road. An end point. Reaching the end point isn't the goal in a sense. The entire journey is just rewarding and I love the feeling that I can make somewhat of a difference. Somewhere where I didn't get a chance to get when I was a kid.
And as far as pedophilia goes with child centers, it did happen here in the past. It was in a completely different foster home and that entire center was used almost as a brothel for people with the right contacts or deep enough pockets. After the huge scandal, everything was tightened up.
> talks that he works with a girl
> never talks about her
spill all the details anon. how did you start hanging out with her?
>>27555462
I'll be paranoid for you OP. If you're serious about everything you've said in this thread don't provide any unnecessary details.
>>27551811
Hopefully she keeps up a somewhat positive outlook and behaviorisms. Stay happy with her and talk to her positively. One thing some workers did at the place I was at was talk negatively without trying and it really put some of the kids down.
The first time I noticed her was because she was very polite. when she came over to me to ask for help with homework. She bowed slightly, introduced herself and asked if I could be troubled for abit to help her.
she also surprised me with her discipline. Most of the kids didn't mind if I told them the answers to problems. Would sometimes just stare into the problem and would wait for me to do it for them. She HATED if I told her the answers or gave her too many hints. I really really liked that.
And so I kept inquiring how she did in school, how is everything going. Started playing some very simple board games with her. She's the epitome of the whole saying that kids aren't stupid and are quite smart, just inexperienced.
she's also the only kid out of the whole foster home that still wears the clothing I gave. Namely the socks and slippers. It's the minor things.
>>27557249
I'm not sure if she's positive or not. She does cry sometimes and most of the time she prefers to be alone. Her manners are perfect. She's probably the only kid in the foster home that didn't ask me how much money I earn or didn't list me things they better get for christmas.
I'm not sure if I talk negatively or positively with any of the children. I just talk with them like with any adult.
>>27557658
The more you say the happier I am for you. That's actually really awesome that at such an age she has so much respect. I'm honestly amazed that she actually acts that way. Almost makes me think this is all fake but the way you put it just sounds so real.
The foster home I was at had this Christmas thing and just about every kid there would go on and on about what they wanted and how it's what they deserved. I used all of my allowance money to buy the guy I mentioned before a new wallet since his looked really shabby and I don't think I'll ever forget the look of pure shock on his face when someone gave HIM a gift. I later found out that that absolutely never happens which is kinda sad.
It really surprised me how kids who have gone through stuff to end up in foster care can be so self centered. Never really held it against them but damn.
>>27558030
She gave me this doll for Easter as a present. One of the workers there helped her with this mostly. Not sure how much either one worked on it since I don't even know how to make such dolls, but it was still very very very cool to get the gift.
The thing with foster homes is, that there are one time volunteers that come in with gifts. All they do is show up once, give the kids tons of clothing and toys, then never show up again. The kids are also good at manipulating the one timers. I'm not saying they're bad or anything, but they just know they can get stuff this way. It's also bit of a problem, since you can't tell people to not bring anything if they decide to donate. So the foster home usually takes the gifts as a joint gift for everyone, even if the people give specific gifts for specific children. Unless it's a birthday gift or it's a present from someone who has volunteered for a long time and they know what they're doing.
Alot of the kids there also don't really value their gifts. We had a big donation this Christmas of toy cars, LEGOs, action figures and so on. I don't think there's a single one left that's undamaged or completely lost. The kids have to explain themselves if they do something, but their reasoning is usually "it's okay, someone else will buy it for me again". This is probably the only thing I really hate about them. On the other hand theyre kids. They have lost everything there. I can understand why some act like that. They're angry at the world and in a way feel that they deserve more than any other child because of their situation.
To be completely honest she's not the only one that acts like that. Now that I think about it, I think most of the well behaved children lost their parents or were abandoned at ages 5-10. The more problematic ones were the ones that were left as babies. I'm not sure why's that since you'd think it should be the opposite.
>>27549060
I worked at an adoption agency.
Unless you're a billionaire that's gonna donate a lot, you're not gonna get jack shit.
I've seen single women, usually professionals, with the same stats as male applicants, who get 2 or 3 kids.
We only let one single male adopt a kid from us and that was only because he was a long lost uncle whom we vetted with DNA tests and research.
You're shit out of luck, homie.
Best chance is to make a lot money, marry some roastie that wants a green card. Make sure she signs a prenup. Wait 1 or 2 years.
Apply for adoption. That's like 2 years waiting.
If you get approved, stay married to roast for 2 more years.
Divorce her and take the kid.
ok then, two small girls please
no fatties
>>27558665
Maybe it's because they were raised with the constant gifts and such with no meaning behind it. There were plenty of people I knew who were normal kids with maybe a few minor issues. It's really just the worst of the worst that stand out above the rest.
I don't think it's so much trauma that causes them to act nicer as they feel value behind things they get and the people around them. Kids get spoiled. It's the first years of a kids life that really set how they see the world and their opinion on what they deserve. I feel bad when I think about how much I hate certian children because they're still kids. I always hope and pray that they change for the better.
BTW you said she does her little greeting but I don't recall you ever saying what that was. Mind explaining more?
>>27558778
Kinda messed up dude.
>>27559360
> BTW you said she does her little greeting but I don't recall you ever saying what that was. Mind explaining more?
She always wears dresses. So whenever we greet, she comes up to me, holds her dress to the side and does a little bow thing where you cross your legs and do this bow, then does a greeting that very roughly translates "I greet you and wish you well(all the best)". She always does this when meeting adults. It's a formal kind of greeting that people do. It's not unique in any way, but no other kid does it at the foster home. Alot of them make fun of her when she does it behind her back.
>>27559656
Not the other guy but what happens when they turn 16/18? do they just get asked to leave or what
>>27549060
I tried volunteering at a local pet shelter about 5-6 years back with my mom
>sign up for almost everything
>she signs up for a couple things
>it comes out that she's a practicing vet
>they immediately accept her and reject me
>tell them that I want to volunteer too and we want to go together
>tell me to get lost, they have enough people to walk, feed, and clean up after the dogs and cats already
>want my mom to work for free doing spays/neuters
>we both leave and never talk to them again
even non-profit orgs are shit
that was the last time I tried to help out, fuck them
>>27559656
That's adorable.
>>27560300
Over here in the West you can stay in the system until 21 but they encourage you to leave by 18. If you leave before 21 they offer to help you with finances and getting a job along with general well being. Of course they do put you into different housing and move you around as you start to get older.
>>27560502
Most places are over saturated with volunteers or they just don't really need volunteers. While it sounds like they were being rude they only wanted your mom because if she was volunteering there was stuff for her to do. They probably should've given you stuff to do though since that would've come with a free vet.
>>27560675
>places are over-saturated
good, now I can use this whenever people try to guilt me into volunteering since I know that places absolutely do not want me and don't need anyone
>>27551978
>Then social workers come by your place at random and check everything. They talk with your neighbours. They might even go round your workplace. It took me about 2 months of different checks and interviews to take the girl out for a playdate outside the foster home.
Jesus christ. Fuck that shit. I understand they have an obligation to make sure the kid is safe, but that is Gestapo grade bullshit. Like I have nothing to hide, but I couldnt imagine a social worker just dropping by at my office and asking a bunch of questions about me and children. So now instead of a bunch of social workers suspecting you now all your neighbors and co-workers are also suspicious of you. That's fucked up. That's like a hair away from being on an actual sex offender registry, just because you wanted to help some kids.
Shit like this is why I've adopted my motto: dont help anyone ever.
>>27560712
Let me rephrase that. Most POPULAR places are over saturated with volunteers. Everyone wants to play with the cute puppy's but nobody wants to go clean up trash. Just keep looking and you will find someone who needs help. Even if it's just some old lady who needs help with her lawn or technology.
>>27552844
browsing /r9k/ makes you a bad person. Were 50% mentally ill normalfags and 50% mentally ill robots
>>27549298
it's because of feminazis and their "all men are rapist pedophiles" lies...
>>27561089
>mentally ill
Speak for yourself
>>27560821
>Gestapo grade bullshit.
This, imagine trying to explain that shit to your coworkers
>>27560821
Not that person but it all makes sense. Its probably only the case if youre single and have redflags over your head. If you dont have family or friends to ask about they might turn to your work. I doubt its standard procedure for every single case.
