whats the greatest greentext story youve seen/ saved /r9k/?
You must have been in the thread to have experienced it firsthand.
The one about the bear with the salmon.
This is from /b/ but it's the best greentext I've ever seen.
http://m.imgur.com/a/y6r8e
>>27347311
Op here, not exactly a greentext but still gold
>>27347311
The ugly guy who asked out hundreds of girls and failed.
>>27347311
That guy who was living in filth and has molded cream cheese or something in his fridge.
I think his name was fridgebro, the thread(s) were so long I could never screen cap, I'm sure somebody did.
>>27347521
orignal anal
The
> tfw mommy found your poo sock.
Something like that
>>27347490
source?
orignal asdasd
>>27347311
>those fucking artifacts
holy shit
The one where a guy ranted about a girl and her boyfriend and ended up posting their Facebook pictures and someone told them about the thread. I forgot his name though.
>>27347425
This one.roblox
was bretty /k/ewl guy
this http://imgur.com/6VjKm4S
i had another cuck story saved here, it is about a guy that had their gf fucked by his father an in the end everyone is against him and the father gets the girl and his mom doesn't care.
>>27348001
fucking hell I'm gagging
>>27348001
Didn't he post about cleaning his place too?
>>27348619
I think the father story was fake.
That image you posted still gives me feels; that one is pretty old.
8beer best greentext of all time
>>27347311
Read this anon, it'll hit you in the feels
>>27349207
I actually went through the trouble of reading all of this so other people don't have to, it's utter shite.
i loved every second of that thread
>>27349207
apparently it's not actually true
I remember a guy coming in to a thread where the full thing was posted and saying it was bullshit, posting himself with a timestamp as the very much alive "EB." Evidently some faggot who knew him used his photo for infinite (you)s.
It gained a lot of popularity though. Been posted everywhere and on every video of the song mentioned in the greentext there's at least one faggot saying RIP EB
It's very much worth the read.
>>27349584
SO WHENEVER CHAD GETS LAID, HE IS JUST FUCKING HIMSELF?
TOP KEK, GET FUCKED NORMIES.
this one is funny in a funny wayu
>>27349584
>These are my exact religious/spiritual views
>This image couldn't have put it into words better.
Not story but (nsfw)
>>27347311
jpeg artifacts, like the rings on a tree stump, can tell you how many normies have laughed and reshared the joke by screencapping on their phones.
reee and all that.
>>27349584
He wouldn't be a god, though. After he hatches he's just going to be a new babby among a load of other babbies who went through the same thing before hatching then be raised into whatever magic divine society he was born into full of people who also went through the same egg experience.
He'll just be another pleb.
>>27349651
man, that last part really bummed me out
that poor guy sounds like he had terrible friends. I mean that's embarrassing as fuck, but I can't believe all his friends just ditched him like that.
Here's some OC. I made a thread about it before but I'll paraphrase the story again
>be 19yo premature ejaculator
>tired of being a faggot
>decide to edge myself for long as fuck to stop being a faggot cummer
>3 hours of fapping\edging later
>realize i need a piece of toilet paper to cum on
>walk to bathroom
>the vibration from the walk shakes my prostate\dick
>i cum so fucking hard i shit myself
>shit squirts land on bathroom floor mat
>foor mat has literal shit stain
Pic related. I took that right after I cleaned it up.
It's been like a month. It's cleaner now, but the shitstain is still clearly visible, although nobody said anything about it.
>>27349723
What the fucking shit did I just see
>>27347311
30 something year old NEET who was here sometime last year. My comment is the one at the bottom that starts with "This can't be real"
>>27349790
The truth. That's a pretty thick rope of blood goo, but if she'd been laying down or exerting very hard it could happen.
>>27347311
Short and simple.
>>27349753
Buy a new floormat you retard.
>>27347311
This isn't a greentext story butKorean Pop Robots 9000.
From greentext stories, I'd say perhaps Snake, "crack open a bear", or Jason.
>>27350336
Cant. Live in parents' house.
Does anyone have
>ITS WAS JUST A CHEEKY WANKK"
?
>>27349723
I can understand the blood, but what's with the shit? Theres too much to just be a skidmark
>>27350669
Hey mom/dad the floormat was gross so I bought a new one
>ok son
>>27350724
You do realize that shit was fake anon? I mean I had a few doubts at first but once the (mother came and filled in the name field and posted in the thread about her son and such) everyone should of known it was fake
>>27350730
I think that's coagulated blood. See how it's on the front part, and the asshole is typically on the back.
>>27350742
How can I buy something without money?
Here's some oc. Happened to me a couple of months ago
>be incredibly ill, some sort of stomach virus with an added sinus infection
>had to take 5 days off work, basically laid around and felt sorry for myself and slept
>laying in bed at 5am watching netflix
>been sleeping on and off all day, so can't sleep
>sleeping naked because im sweating like a nigger on a rape charge
>feel the tiniest fart
>push it out
>immediately leak out about half a pint of pure liquid shit
>no noise or anything, just a rapid seeping of disgusting, foul smelling liquid faeces
>jump out of bed, keep leaking onto the floor
>run to the toilet, leaking shit all the way
>stop shitting the second my cheeks hit the seat
>have to spend an hour cleaning all the shit from the carpet and my bed and my balls
>my new bed and sheets are fucked
>put sheets in the wash and scrub my mattress
>fall asleep covered in sweat and laying in a wet spot where I cleaned the bed
>wake up to find i leaked some more in the night and my legs are covered
>my brother walks in to find me stood there wiping shit from my legs with the bed slowly absorbing my night shit
>never live it down.
>>27351743
dis some good shit my man
>>27351743
>sleeping naked because im sweating like a nigger on a rape charge
My fucking sides are gone
>>27351743
>sweating like a nigger on a rape charge
Oh fuck my sides
>>27347311
>jpeg memes
>2016
>>27352636
I love this mehmet my son's
>>27348001
Holy shit you win. I could have never imagined there are people on 4chan who fallen to that point?
There's dirt everywhere!
>>27352811
Reading that post actually motivated me to clean up a lot of shit in my house. It really was a wake up call.
I don't have it saved but there was one about catfishman where he kept setting up dates with girls via online dating and would always stand them up
This one is pretty good family members
I was in the thread but I didn't make this version.
>>27351743
>immediately leak out about half a pint of pure liquid shit
how the hell does this happen? I remember reading a story similar to this and they were naked too.
>>27351743
Same thing happened when I had the flu. I was laying on my bed in boxers and thought I needed to fart. I ended up spraying shit all over my bed.
I wipe it off the best I could, sprayed some lysol and flipped the mattress. It was a mattress provided by my apartment complex (college apartments) so I didnt give a fuck.
Never forget Ogreman
It wasn't green text and I have long since lost the cap I had, but the story of the fart jar is a classic.
I'll give brief summery but it will not do it justice
>Kid inherits glass jar to keep coins in
>Starts farting in it instead
>Does this for two years
>Opens it in front of his brother
>Brother pukes and dad confiscates the jar
>Smashes it with a hammer
>His face when recoiling from a two year collection of farts
>Be me 8
>Had stomach bug
>Needed to fart real bad but I was playing Star wars on ps2
>I fart, feel lump in pants
>Stand up feel slug crawl down leg
>I pick up log and run to toilet
>Go back to room
>Shit stain on floor
>Drag bed over shit stain
>Clean hands
>Play vidya
>Kewl
...We got a new carpet and no one noticed the stain, the smell faded after two months too.
>>27350724
Fuck i remember that, it was great
Trying to remember the full story, the guy found porn of his parents, right?
never forget PLL
The ninja anon from an embarrassing story thread. Don't have a cap so that story is lost...
He's a funny guy.
Does anybody have the story about the guy who sat on his sisters baby and killed it?
>next week on r/4chan
>>27353333
Quads from the gods
Obviously this one. Straight from r9k.
>>27353504
I've seen this one before but lost it somehow. Thanks for posting it.
anyone have the thread where the stalker went into the police station without counsel and wound up having to explain why Elliot Rodger and Germanwings Flight 4U was funny?
>>27353118
>Im not an animal you asshole, I use a bucket
There was a guy who posted his life story over like 3 days. It was the best greentet I read. It started out with him as a neet and how he fell in love with some Mexican and basically shit and pissed everywhere. Then how he fucked over all these women along the way. Anyone have it or can validate me?
>>27349207
>implying any of that happened
I was the one who talked to him and I made this
>>27349700
even if it's untrue it's kind of a foolproof way to promote morality and strength
>>27347311
>jpg
>That fucking image artifacting
Anyone have the one where the guy raped, murdered and blackmail?
It was called "the evil that man do"
prepare to have too many feels
>>27349441
that's one of the most autist things I've read.
Ok then wife story time.
Not the most complicated of stories but memorable for the shit involved.
>Told by boss a client wants us to locate his wife.
>Has been missing for the better part of a month after taking out a fuckton of money from his accounts.
>From what we can tell she converted it to cash or moved it into accounts we can't locate.
>Given all the info, last known location and known habits.
>Turns out we've done this before. Twice in fact. So we have a fairly good idea of where she could be. Women have a tendency to be creatures of habit.
>Problem is this ones habits are a bit whacky.
>Each time she's ran off she's gone to some really fucked up high class sex club and literally spent all her money there until she runs out and had to surface to grab more.
>First time was your typical 24 hour all year orgy club. There are some who fucking live in the things its disgusting.
>Second time was at an extreme BDSM club. She'd spent a few months being used as furniture. Needed time in hospital.
>So we realised this time was going to be worse. At the BDSM club we'd almost lost one of our group to a Gorean dom. Poor girl was never quite the same afterwards. Women rarely last in the job.
>First thing we did was hit the lists. Complete records of all clubs like that in Europe as she'd never gone outside the continent in the past for this sort of thing.
>Lot of clubs but we narrowed it down based on her area, lack of any sightings at airports (like fuck she'd drive or take a train) and so on.
>Went to a particular city infamous for this sort of shit. Lots of places like what we were looking for there. All tailored to the absurdly wealthy.
>Got off the plane, through customs and checked into a hotel. Declined the complimentary call girl.
1/?
this is a screencapped thread from a long while ago on theis board, actually. one of the best htreads ever. time inbetween each update was tence af. if someone has the womens half of it i would be very happy.
>>27356760
~CONT~
>Wait till the evening as that's when these clubs open their doors to strangers.
>Have to use this fancy ass disguise kit as we're known at more than a few of them and they don't like having customers stolen. Fortunately one of us knows how to use the bloody thing and we wind up looking like a group of stereotypical rich scots bushy orange mutton chops and all.
>Hit some of the clubs with no luck. Have a bad run in with someone who almost recognised us. Managed to escape without any incident beyond having to throw a few bottles at them and scream dog pile.
>Begin to despair that this is going to turn into one of those long winded cases.
>It does.
>We spend a month checking clubs all over Europe. Extra resources are pulled in as the client starts throwing more money at our boss to do it faster.
>Eventually we get a tip. Someone has seen our target at a particular club.
>Celebration all round. Finally a solid lead
>Then comes the bad news.
>Its a new club. Its a hardcore scat club.
>We are talking a place that has never. EVER. Been cleaned.
>A literal den of filth and disease. They hose you off after you leave with anti-septic
>She's in there and she has been in there a while.
>Call the client to tell him to arrange a discreet hospital stay, pickup and so on.
>Order some hazmat suits and guns from the boss.
>There is just no talking with some people.
2/?
>>27356774
~CONT~
>Few days later everything is arranged and observation of the club has not shown her leaving.
>Some people do pay extra it seems to stay in the clubs own hotel where they can keep the party going.
>All of us are by virtue of being in this job a bit....obsessed with cleanliness.
>Try to convince the boss to send someone else. He refuses.
>All of us are sat there miserable. Trying to find any excuse to not do this. Not daring to be in the same room as our informant in the club.
>The gear arrives from the boss along with a bodybag to stuff the target in. An ambulance will be waiting as our escape vehicle.
>We give ourselves one final rubdown with alcohol gel, disinfectants and whatever else is handy in the shower before we get dressed and wait for everyone to be ready.
>I can only imagine the doormans confusion when four men in bright yellow hazmat suits carrying shotguns walked up him.
>Said confusion prevented him from really acting until it was too late and he got a shotgun butt in the face.
>Rather than bothering with keys or shit we simply shoot the lock off and kick in the door.
>The first room is pretty much just an airlock. Step in, shoot the second lock and kick in the door.
>It was...simply horrific.
>There was shit everywhere and people rolling around in it copulating. Doing things that are simply indescribable. A woman shat into a mans mouth as he pissed into hers. People copulated in a pit full of human feces.
>We all just stood there in shock as people slowly noticed us.
>Then the screaming started.
>A few shotgun blasts to the ceiling got them screaming more and running, we looked for our target in the crowd
>Kicking in doors left and right every door revealing a new scene of horrific waste related kink.
>No this was beyond kink. This was just sick.
>These people were sick. Probably literally.
3/?
>>27356764
also if this guy still lurks that would be great
>>27356785
~CONT~
>Target was found bathing in piss with some young man balls deep in her.
>Target removed from bath and young man repeatedly kicked in corner to shut him up.
>Just couldn't stop kicking him. Kicked him until he stopped moving. That place. It just got to us.
>Target was crying in the corner so we stuffed her in the bag and carried her out. A few more blasts from the shotgun paving the way.
>Ambulance waiting out back. Shitstreaks on the sides from people trying to get help from them. Guy stood outside it with a truncheon looking sick.
>Throw target in the back and climb in, guy gets in and drives us the fuck out of there.
>One of us makes the mistake of popping the seal on his hazmat suit.
>His screams....they haunt me.
>Target was dropped off at a rather exclusive and discreet hospital.
>We were hosed off by courteous hospital staff.
>Foolish one who popped the seals on his suit spent the rest of the evening as a shambling zombie barely responding to anything. Improved after a few hot showers.
>Got back to the hotel and packed up to leave.
>Nobody talked.
>Nobody wanted to talk.
>It was just....horrific.
>Since the client had paid so much the boss gave us considerable bonuses for that mess and vacation time. Which was nice.
>Two guys from the team quit the next day.
4/?
>>27356798
Wife/daughter it is.
I warn you now. This story does not have anything remotely resembling a happy ending. It is without any doubt one of the more depressing tales due to what this woman did to her only daughter.
>Get a call from the boss
>He wants his best people at his office now for a job
>Four of us are there and he runs down the situation for us. it's rare and urgent as it involves a minor.
>Rich guys wife has run off with a small fortune AND their only child. A daughter age 13.
>Doesn't give a fuck about the money or the wife. Wants his daughter back.
>Boss wants us to get all 3 due to possibility of delicious bonuses.
>We're a bit dubious. Not sure if this is something we should do as really it sounds more like a police gig due to the child. While we've seen young girls go off to screw strangers with their mothers its never been any younger than 15.
>Boss makes it clear this is happening.
>We shrug and go over the notes.
>Wife is a repeat offender. Seven times to be exact she's run off like this and we've brought her back. Not us specifically but the company we work for. Never taken the child with her. Many of the notes she's left behind in the past list the child as one of the reasons she fucked off.
>Wife has typically either gone full party train or tried to establish a new life in some shithole each time but surfaced when money runs out due to not having access to the lifestyle she is acustomed to.
>We fear she's gone new life again. Which means she'll be tough to find even if we find out what country she's in.
>Quickly realise the child has no passport so she can't have taken a commercial flight.
>She wouldn't charter anything less than a private jet. No luck on that front.
>Keep digging into possible routes away from the continent (never tried to set up a new life on the continent)
1/?
>>27347311
>11096665_881201825279991_(...).jpg
>facebook filename
Yet again, another normie shithead farming for content to upload to r/4chan or whatever shitty facebook meme page he runs. If you post content in thread, you're bringing even more normalfags and children to this website.
Fuck off.
>>27356817
~Cont~
>It goes on like this for months.
>Longest case on record at eight months.
>By this point we were all pretty much exhausted. No leads, no clues, we'd tapped every contact we could think of. She had to be somewhere in Europe.
>Get a lead. A fucking lead at long last!
>A man was caught trying to sell her rolex. The jewellers had been suspicious and checked its number against the books. He was promptly arrested and our client had arranged for us to talk to him first.
>We get there after a brief plane trip and find an honest to fucking god catholic priest.
>A fucking priest had been trying to sell her watch. Idiot don't speak no english so only one of us can actually talk to him making the questioning rather long and drawn out.
>To say he was uncooperate would be putting it lightly but his story was that this woman came to him to get her and her daughter away from her abusive husband. This woman was obviously wealthy as she had paid him a lot to arrange it.
>It was then that it clicked. The reason we'd not been able to find her was not because she hadn't taken a plane where she was going. It was because they had travelled using documents issued by the fucking Vatican and nobody fucking checks them.
>With shit figured out all we needed was a destination. A few details he let slip came together. Turned out mother dear had decided to become a nun and take her daughter with her on missionary work.
>To fucking Africa.
2/?
>>27356835
~CONT~
>Client pulls strings. Gets more detailed info out of the Vatican.
>Target is located
>Yougottabeshittingme motherfucking sub saharan africa?
>Boss is hesitant to send us in but after discussion with the client more money is probably offered and boss loses his mind.
>We get sent to Africa.
>Four white guys. Alone in Africa. Sounds like a great plan.
>We arrive at the airport expecting it to be a total shit heap. Funnily enough it is but there's white guys everywhere.
>Turns out the airport is controlled by a western PMC who work in the area and they have been hired as guides and protective detail.
>Everything turned out better than expected
>Until they start piling body armour on us and hand us assault rifles
>Four poor white guys completely out of their depth in the middle of what is probably a warzone.
>Fortunately though they have a decent idea of where the target is as they noticed a small church had been built there recently. Its been torn down since though.
>Pile into helichoppas and off we go.
>Yank mercenaries constantly talking shit the whole way and taking random potshots at the wildlife.
>One of our group is pretty much having a panic attack by this point but he's kept sufficiently calm through the proper application of fists to face.
>Eventually land near a really really shitty looking village. It is the stereotypical african shithole. Mud huts, flies and emaciated animals everywhere.
>Then you notice things that look a bit out of place. Like the expensive (for the area) old land rover, the new clothes on some of the people, the fact that everyone looks well fed despite nothing growing here.
>PMC goons fan out and do their thing and start kicking down doors. There's a few shots fired but one would not like to get involved so we hang back. As I said. We're out of our depth.
3/?
>>27356852
~CONT~
>>Eventually a white women, a white girl and four african men are dragged out of the village by the PMC goons and dropped at our feet. All alive fortunately even if one of the black guys has clearly got a broken nose, arm and probably a couple of ribs judging by the bruising thats beginning to show.
>The two whites are indeed who we're looking for. They don't like no nuns I ever done saw. Dressed up as natives, filthy and pregnant.
>One of our unfortunate merry band has a daughter the same age as the girl and just has to take a moment to get away from this shit in the choppa.
>Quick explanation from the PMC goons regarding the men reveals that the one who got beat almost to death was fucking the daughter and the other three were plowing the wife who was clearly enjoying it.
>Wife gets all up in our face almost immediately. All on about how we have no right to tell her how to live her life, blah, blah, blah, her husband is a bad man, blah, blah
>Fortunately the PMC goon pistol whips her quiet after I point out that really we only need the daughter.
>At this point the daughter is just in tears, has no clue whats going on anymore it seems. Doesn't seem terribly bright either.
>The wife gets gagged and tied up then thrown in the choppa and we find something for the little one to wear for the ride back. Spends the whole trip wearing one of the PMC goons jackets.
>She doesn't really say anything but fills in the remaining holes in the story for us.
>Seems her mother did arrive here as a nun but later on decided to marry the local chieftan and showered the place with all the money she'd brought. Then the chieftan had arranged for his son to marry the daughter. His son who by the looks of him was in his mid to late 20s.
4/?
>>27349338
xlnt contribution
>>27356873
~CONT~
>Nobody really feels happy about this shit.
>She's too far into it for an abortion to really be feasible.
>We arrange for a pickup from the boss and awkwardness ensues. The client fucking shows up in a private jet.
>His half naked pregnant 13 year old daughter, his almost completely naked pregant wife and four worn out, tired and scruffy looking white guys await him as he comes running down the steps from his plane.
>For a second we thought he was going to do a 180 without stopping and fly away.
>But to his credit he did seem genuinely happy to see his daughter was safe. Blamed the wife for everything. Had us take the daughter aboard who by this point was in full PTSD mode.
>He stayed outside with the PMC goons, arguing with his wife for a what seemed like forever.
>I will not lie. We were expecting to hear a gunshot. We were all waiting for it.
>Instead she got regagged and brought into the plane and locked into one of the toilets for the entire trip trussed up like a hog.
>On arriving back home the client gave us his personal thanks and a bonus to ensure proper discretion.
>We fucked off.
>Found out the wife died the next day in a car accident.
>Fuck knows what happened to the daughter but she's alive probably. Niglet was probably put up for adoption somewhere far far away.
~END~
And that children is probably the most depressing of the stories I have.
No happy ending for anyone.
>>27356891
Fatsuit Story
>One day at the office, those rare days I'm there actually. Sat around talking shit with everyone playing retarded office games.
>Boss comes in with new job.
>Usual story, rich guys daughter has gone off on a party train and he's sick of paying for it. Wants her brought back.
>It is actually the most mundane and normal of jobs.
>Normally these girls go off with daddy's credit card and hit a string of bars and clubs with it and anyone willing to pretend to be their friend. This goes on until daddy cuts off the card then they find other ways to pay and fall in with a different crowd.
>We find her easily enough. Dumb bitch keeps trying to use her cards.
>The flight doesn't take long and she is still trying to use them. I mean my god how fucking dense can you be?
>Locate her in a bland as fuck theme nightclub. Ice everywhere, place is fucking cold, drinks come in ice. Fucking whack shit yo.
>She's easy to spot. The landwhale hammering the card reader shouting abuse at the staff. Wonder why nobody has thrown her out yet.
>We come up behind her and tell the barman we'll cover the tab, inform her that her father sent us. Normally this is enough to make the young girls become quiet and co-operative.
>Not this whale
>She pushes us aside and starts running
>Despite her size bitch can run and we lose her in the crowd on the streets.
>>27356912
~CONT~
>The whale vanishes beneath the waves and by waves I mean crowd.
>We shrug and try to figure out her next port of call.
>Argument ensues between us over our failure to stop a little girl (she's 16)
>Younger guy points out that she probably weighs as much as two of us put together.
>Argument continues until we get another hit on the cards. She's in a restaurant this time.
>We get there and jesus fucking christ she's sat at this huge table covered in empty plates, the staff reveal she ate it all.
>Pay the tab, try to grab her.
>Better luck is had this time with all four of us grabbing her and trying to pull her out of the restaurant with her screaming and shouting all the while.
>Some idiots call the cops and with sirens in the distance we gotta bail. She does too fortunately. Good thing as we are not fucking with the Thai police.
>Argument changes to discussion of how the fuck do we ensnare the beast?
>Call home for advice and info.
>Guy back at home suggests a fishing net or something (doho) and reveals a few of her tastes. Namely large quantities of cheap tacky cocktails, fast food and fat guys. Weird but whatever.
>Fishnet does get approval from the group mind you so we procure a net from a nearby theme restaurant.
>The hunt for the whale resumes.
2/?
>>27356927
~CONT~
>Bingo. Another card hit.
>This time a strip club.
>Hit the club and find her arguing with the barman screaming that she needs money for the stripper.
>Barman is clearly terrified.
>She's laid on the bar grabbing hold of the barman while a bouncer tries to pull her off.
>We help and throw the net over her.
>Critical success. She falls over flat on her face and starts crying. Sufficiently restrained.
>She's left a sort of greasy stain on the countertop and the whole thing seems to have buckled under the strain. Pay for damages.
>Start dragging her fat ass out of the place.
>As we leave, notice the stripclub is full of fat women staring at us disapprovingly. Realise we better hurry the fuck up.
>As we're leaving a fat guy barges through the door past us too.
>Wonder for a moment what the fuck is going on then notice the strippers are fucking gigantic.
>Confused as fuck. Noticing the phones, we panic, drag her fat ass into the car and speed away quickly.
>One of us fishes the targets phone out of her purse and starts going through it.
>After a good twenty minutes of this fat slob sobbing in the car between bouts of screaming at us we hear a loud "ohhhh that explains it" from our partner in crime with the phone.
>Turns out the landwhale had helped finance a "positive body image stripper night" at the club with a bunch of other fatties. Why in Thailand? fuck if I know.
>Realise all her friends will be calling the cops.
>Call the boss and ask for a way out.
>He says lay low and he'll work on it.
3/?
>>27356948
~CONT~
>We fuck off to a warehouse that had been pegged as our fallback location.
>Some of our mates working another gig are there.
>They help us with the landwhale while their target is tied to a chair gagged.
>Unfortunately she's starting to get a lot more rowdy and fights back. Takes all eight of us to tie her up.
>It works for a while and we're just relaxing as we hear a loud snap as he she breaks the cuffs and ropes.
>THE WHALE IS LOOSE!
>What follows is a good hour of chasing this landwhale around the warehouse trying to subdue her.
>Eventually manage to lock her in a toilet with a load of stuff braced against the door. Windows too tiny for her to escape from.
>She keeps hammering at the door for the next few hours and we realise we gotta do something.
>Our man with the phone has been sat there reading for a while now. Being generally useless.
>Turns out he was trained as a forensic psychologist or some such shit and he was just figuring her out.
>Explains how she wound up here in Thailand. Nothing special just a bunch of her fatty SJW friends wanted to go on a sexual vacation like other women and made sure to tailor it to their tastes. With the rich fatty bankrolling the whole thing.
>Thats real fascinating mate but useless to us.
>Tells us that all we need to do to keep her under control is to give her the fantasy she wants
>Well mate sounds like you just volunteered since she ain't gotten a good look at you yet
>oh hell naw he goes. But the damage is done.
>He points out lack of fatness and we realise this is a problem.
>Call boss and tell him we need a fatsuit.
>Boss says can do
>Twenty minutes later one fat suit arrives.
>Gotta love him sometimes. He just makes shit happen.
>Realise that someone is gonna have to pork her and it can't be the one in the suit due to his penis not being like a foot long.
>Cut up the fatsuit and make a cavity someone can hide in. Realise it has to be a small someone.
4/?
>>27347311
Last one I can remember was on /trv/, about a guy getting cucked by tour guys on the mountain. Poor fellow was oblivious to the fact he was getting cucked.
Maybe someone has some caps, dunno.
>>27356963
~CONT~
>Problem is debated. Option of cutting off one guys legs comes up but is quickly discarded.
>Consensus achieved. We need a tiny guy with a big dick.
>Four of us pile into the car and set off to find such a man.
>Eventually after half hour of searching we stop to ask these ladyboys if they know anyone like that.
>This tiny ladyboy who would be short for a woman who is wearing an oddly long skirt for a ladyboy, lifts it halfway revealing the tip of a substantial cock.
>SOLD LITTLE LADYBOY!
>He piles into the car and we try to explain the situation but he just seems confused by it all.
>Drive back to the warehouse.
>After a further ten minutes of explanation get tired of it and stuff the ladyboy in the fatsuit.
>Someone has to make sure his cock is positioned right
>Not it
>The barricade is removed and our failed psychiatrist or whatever he was pretends he has rescued the fatty from the evil cis scum and come to whisk her away on a romantic adventure or some such shit. We do our best to act defeated.
>Fatty is whisked away to the airport where the client of our other team has sent a plane to pick them up. We figure lets be green and all go on it.
>Fatsuit guy takes fatty into the back of the plane claiming its his where there's a rather nice bedroom and spends the flight having the ladyboy pork her while everyone else sits up front and pretends they can't hear her moans and screams.
5/6
>>27356983
~CONT~
>We arrange a limo to pick her up and fatsuit guy goes with. Ladyboy porks her some more in the limo we are later told.
>Poor ladyboy and fatsuit guy only got a brief break while she was sleeping. Her snoring seeming to shake the plane.
>Fatty is dropped off at her fathers. He shakes fatsuit guys hand but once the daughter starts talking about what happened he becomes concerned and fatsuit guy assures him the penis was not real as he is wearing a fatsuit.
>Fattys father is pleased. Fatsuit guy takes off fatsuit to prove point.
>Fattys father inspects it saying it is very lifelike.
>Fatsuit guy makes up excuses and quickly bails relating all this to us later.
>Poor thai ladyboy is released for good. Poor bastard spends the next hour drinking everything in the minibar as the plane continues to the next drop off.
>We wind up paying the ladyboy a full share of the pay and pay for his trip back home.
>I don't think he had ever seen so much money in one place. Seemed pretty dam pleased.
>Shit was generally fucking crazy.
~END~
There you have it. The story of the fatsuit and ladyboy. Abridged heavily as I am cooking food.
6/6
>>27357003
Daughter Orgy Story
>Began normally. Daddys little girl runs off with a lower class boyfriend
>Discourage boyfriend and retrieve girl.
>Our merry band sets out with the fucking new guy from the first story having since matured into a much more capable and germphobic individual.
>Quickly realise that the girl has gone to ground after emptying her accounts. Presumably the boyfriend has the money now.
>With the easiest avenue of locating her gone the search drags on for a few weeks.
>Then one day one of the merry band bursts into the office one day saying he's found where she was a few weeks ago
>Loads up a video on the titternet.
>Yep thats our girl getting railed by around twelve guys. For a sixteen year old they seem to be emphasising that she's 18 a lot.
>We fly off to the homeland of the professional porn industry, good old yankeeland.
>Try to question people involved in the studio that produced the video
>They're very non-cooperative.
>Even threats of legal action over her age don't do shit
>So we take another approach.
>Later that night the four of us roll up to the place in a rental car.
>Park it in a nearby alley and look for a way into the studio
>It's only a small place, really more of an administrative office really doubt they do much shooting there
>Yank out my lockpicks and get to work on the lock, no problems there its a shit lock
>A quick careful look around the place with the fancy bendy camera thing (I forget its name) reveals some basic motion sensors in the room.
>One of our merry band recognises them as cheap ones made by a US firm, these particular ones have a blindspot below a certain height to account for pets
>Ask him if that means we have to crawl around
>It does
>Four grown men begin crawling around on all fours through the office
>Locate their hard records
>Find targets picture and fake name plus bonus her next scheduled public appearance
>World record orgy attempt
1/?
>>27356170
Feels like I got hit by a fucking truck
Please don't be real
>>27357026
~CONT~
>Invite only
>Well thats one option gone
>Note down the address and crawl out of the place before anything goes horribly wrong.
>Everything went better than expected.
>Get some info on the place this is being held and debate to ourselves "right how do we do this?"
>Stay up all night arguing options
>Everything is covered
>Instigating a police raid, smash & grab, trying to bribe our way in, sneaking in with the food, breaking in the night before and hiding, grabbing her when she leaves, etc.
>Eventually the former new guy hits on a plan
>Its a world record attempt. Mother fucking Guinness, Guinness don't do that kind of record but they probably won't know that or be willing to believe they've changed their mind.
>Next day go out and buy cheaper suits. Practice Irish accents all afternoon and use the disguise kit
>Buy a fuckton of Guinness and load it into a rental van
>The day arrives
>Four paddies in a van drive up to the place with a load of Guinness and ask to speak to the guys running the show
>Brief explanation and all that Irish charm we can fake get us past their suspicions. Beer helps lubricate the situation in our favour.
>One of us spends a few hours with them going over the participant records and the rest wander the grounds as the orgy kicks off
>Couple of hundred heaving bodies all busy sticking or being stuck by others.
>We see our target right in the middle of the action. Fucking rich girls its always about them
>See the boyfriend taking some money from other guys. Probably organisers paying for her pussy
>Begin to wonder how we'll pull this off
2/?
>>27357048
~CONT~
>Group meets up for brief pow wow over the situation
>Decide to try activating the sprinklers and grabbing her in the confusion
>Plan requires more work though. Namely a number of doors must be sealed and some smoke generated to increase panic and distraction.
>Smog generator located among pyrotechnics supplies in a room of the con centre.
>Doors are chained shut when no one is looking.
>Smog gens on! Fire alarm activate!
>Initially people don't respond to the sprinklers thinking its part of the orgy
>Few women bouncing around enjoying the water shower
>Then the smog rolls in and they start to panic, everyone starts screaming and trying to escape
>Locked doors create blockages and more panic.
>Target is on the move having been grabbed by boyfriend
>One of us is waiting by one of the few working doors and clubs the boyfriend as he runs out and grabs the target.
>Throw her into van and drive off
>Love it when a plan comes together
>But plans never come together for long
3/?
>>27357069
~CONT~
>After returning to hotel room and cleaning up the target we lock her in the bathroom while we arrange transport home
>Transport arranged, got to sit on her for six hours
>Check on her in the bathroom and bitch done bailed!
>Turns out the hotel walls are stupidly thin
>Obviously we are furious and set out to find her.
>Call comes in from home, one of the info guys found the boyfriends current address after we'd asked them to fucking ages ago
>Useful info now though, unfortunately he lives in a shitty part of the city. Like gangland shitty.
>Shrug and grab some guns from the car and drive down there
>Brief observation of the slum the guy lives in reveals she is not only there but a few of the boyfriends friends are fucking her while he watches TV.
>Time to go for broke, trigger fire alarm in building
>Fucking things broken and doesn't work
>Briefly consider anonymous tip to coppers.
>Decide against it
>Decide that oldies are the goldies and put together some bags of oily rags which we set light to and throw through an open window of his house.
>Thick smoke starts to fill the apartment
>Stupid drug dealer boyfriend does a runner down the fire escape to find us waiting to clobber him.
>One of us stays down there to keep kicking him while the rest climb up
>Find target on the floor struggling to walk after the savage fucking she'd enjoyed
>Throw her in a sack and back in the fucking van
>Give the boyfriend a few kicks for good measure then shoot him in the balls per clients request if we got the opportunity
>Drive to the airport, get a ride to catch another flight on a shitty cargo plane and then finally homeward bound.
>Alls done and payday is sweet due to the bonus
~END~
>>27348001
fuck I remember laughing nonstop when i saw this thread
>>27357092
The last 5 part story of retrieval personnel anon.
1/5
>>27357115
It is simply called "daughter story."
>>27357126
Part three now.
>>27357137
Part four next.
>>27357150
~CONT~
>Bottom of the stairs theres a bouncer who looks a bit confused at three guys in suits wearing masks and goggles accompanied by a tweaked out guy in shorts covered in lipstick.
>Everyone just sort of stands there looking at each other for a moment until the bouncer notices the blood on one of the older guys gloves from the ladyboys. Idiot hadn't cleaned it off.
>Bouncer decides its not worth the trouble and opens the door.
>As he does so we realise the sound proofing here was amazing. It was like being hit in the face by a million cocks made of sound.
>Stepped in and lamented the place was carpeted. The carpet stuck to our shoes. It was like walking on a floor covered in half set glue. Poor new guy had at some point lost his shoes so one of us stayed outside with him in the car.
>As expected the place looked cheap although much of the BDSM gear was no doubt still pricey stuff. The entire club was built around a central stage with tables all over the place. Every table had a black guy, black woman or dog either on it, above it or chained to it. With the guests obviously availing themselves of them at any point they desired. The bar was along one wall and kept out of the way of the action for the most part although it had a mini stage above it with some poor negress getting slammed by a pair of these huge dogs.
>Whole place was fucking revolting. The stage was the worst of it. It was an open stage with an orgy going on all the fucking time with the guests being encouraged to join in. A roiiling mass of bodies, leather, metal and fur.
>Go to the bar and wave the bitches photo in the barmans face. She's here. Fuck yes some good luck.
>Turns out she's been giving these guys thousands every day to have the club to herself and any hangers on she picks up at other clubs.
>Unfortunately. She's currently on stage.
>Me and the other guy just look at that mess and before I know what is happening he says "not it"
5/?
The one about the guy that used a bible for toilet paper. Gets ostracized, meets two loveable hobos who end up being not so loveable when they try to shank him, somehow becomes a hero, and returns to his hometown to make things right.
I have it saved on another hard-drive, but that's my favourite because I can easily imagine it as a film adaptation, one of those comedy coming of age films like Joe Dirt.
>>27357164
~CONT~
>I promptly pick up a random drink off the bar and pour it on him. Informing him that this is a four man job and we have two. Because one has to babysit the one who is currently high on fuck knows what and last we saw him remarking about how he can't feel his shoes.
>Partner in crime is now wet and sticky. Asks what was in the cocktail I poured on him.
>Barman answers dog semen.
>Partner in crime gags and just sort of sits there trembling before I buy a bottle of vodka and pour it all over him.
>He feels better but wants to get this over with and take a shower.
>Agree with the sentiment and head for the stage.
>This is where it gets fun. We initially try to identify where in the pile she is.
>It's not pretty. Around fifty people are on stage fucking each other or fucking or being fucked by dogs.
>We see a man fucking a dog while another dog fucks him in the ass.
>We see what is probably a dead dog on the floor of the stage. Bleeding from its ass. Probably killed by some negros cock.
>Witness some poor girl being fucked by a group of men who are trying to see how many dicks they can get in her holes at once. All her holes.
>TARGET LOCATED!
>Bitch is on her back sliding around in the goey mess that covers the stage as a fuck huge dog pounds her cunt and a black guy stuffs his cock down her throat. Considering that she's throwing up as he does so we can assume it is not only large but she has a gag reflex.
>Step onto the stage and almost fall over due to the accumulated fluids and oozes. Seems they're pretty liberal with the lube here.
>Partner in crime does fall over and have to pick him up.
>Push away bunch of degenerates who try to get our clothes off, pull out batons and start shouting at them to back off. Can't hear us due to music.
>Start clubbing. In the literal sense.
>Most don't even seem to notice what is going on.
>The degenerates begin to close in on us. One of them holding up a large dog with its erect cock waggling at us.
6
>>27357183
~CONT~
>Realise its the pony club all over again.
>I AM NOT GOING BACK TO THE STABLE DAMMIT!
>Pull out pistol and shoot the nearest speaker
>Everyone screams and stops fucking often half thrust.
>Only ones who don't seem to care is our target and those inside her.
>Train the gun on the various degenerates around us telling them to back off, clubbing any who get too close.
>Make way to target and tell the negro to get off her.
>He notices the gun and tries to back off.
>She grabs his dick and tries to keep stuffing it down her throat but a quick club to his head sees him grabbing it and trying to run away.
>Partner in crime pulls the dog off her by its collar and throws it off the stage.
>Hesitate initially due to seeing just how filthy the target is but grit my teeth and lift her up by her hair, can feel how slimy and gooey it is even through the gloves.
>Target is kicking and screaming and swearing in ways an eighteen year old girl should not be doing.
>As we watch the various loads of semen in her ooze out from between her legs like she's starring in a hentai movie or something.
>The club now deathly silent by this point aside from heavy breathing can hear the faint "splat" as each gob of semen hits the stage.
>But the moment ends.
>The barman pulls out a shotgun and shouts at us to get the fuck out.
>Using target as human shield we make our way out with the barman shouting as us to drop her.
>Partner in crime clubs the bouncer in the face as he opens the door leaving the poor fellow with a broken jaw at least.
>Fortunately the barman does not have the balls to kill a rich white girl and lets us go without acting on his threats.
7/?
>>27357194
~CONT~
>Third experienced guy is in the rental car.
>New guy is nowhere in sight.
>Ask where the fuck he went and he said the guy flipped out so he had to stuff him in the boot. Clearly coming down off whatever the ladyboys gave him.
>Can hear faint muttering from the boot. Something about ants behind his eyes.
>Ask if he thought to tie up new guy, fortunately he did.
>Throw target in back seat and tie her up. Unfortunately have to deal with more oozing semen. This time slowly oozing down my leg due to her position next to me.
>Quickly drive to alley near hotel.
>Grab the kit from the boot. New guy asks if we're the nice young men who have come to take him to see his grandchildren. Briefly worry about him before shutting boot.
>Dose the target with something to knock her out and stuff her in a suitcase.
>Go to hotel and take her up to our room in said suitcase.
>Make sure to tip management appropriately to keep any noise complaints in house.
>Put up signs outside our room claiming a scene for a film is currently being shot there.
>Remove target from suitcase, draw straws to see who has to clean her.
>Draw straws to see who showers in what order.
>Remember we left the new guy in the boot and go to get him.
>He's fine just out of it. Convinced he's in a retirement home. Fuck knows what he's on.
>Those of us who were fortunate enough to not have to clean new guy and target take showers in the lottery chosen order and don fresh clothing.
>While new guy and target are cleaned in the shower we prepare travel arrangements. Phone pilot and tell him to hurry the fuck up.
>Hear constant whining from the bathroom about how "IT JUST NEVER FUCKING ENDS! HOW CAN ONE CUNT HOLD SO MUCH?!"
>after three hours the drugs start to wear off but the bitch is pronounced clean. Or at least clean enough.
>Target wakes up and begins screaming. Quickly gagged and drugged again. Stuffed back into the suitcase.
8/?
>>27357207
~CONT~
>New guy has sobered up some and is now at least manageable.
>Start to get some answers as to what happened.
>Seems he asked the ladyboys about our target.
>They told him they'd fucked her a few nights ago.
>He went along with them hoping to get her before we did and prove how awesome he was.
>Instead wound up drugged, robbed and spending many hours fucking those ladyboys. Well mostly being fucked by those ladyboys.
>He'd been taken to the bank by them to get money from his account when he noticed the target was there in his drug addled state and managed to hold it together long enough to lead us to her.
>Guy starts shaking like some kinda shell shock victim. We all know. We've all been there. Leave him to deal with it. Give him some alcohol gel.
>Drag target in suitcase and new guy down to the rental car, pack up all our gear and cover the whole hotel room in bleach before we go.
>Drive to the airport quickly as possible
>Dump rental car and set it on fire in a ditch next to the airport
>Plane is ready to go
>Pile aboard and GTFO
>All through the flight we keep the target tied up and gagged in one of the chairs now wearing a jumpsuit we brought for her.
>Flight attendent flirts with new guy, new guy looks miserable all the way through the flight. Barely responsive. Poor attented must think she's ugly.
>Fly to the USA!
>Met by a motorcade at the airport. Target and ourselves are bundled into a vehicle for a six hour drive to bumfucknowheresville. Literally a tiny town with a population of a few hundred. Stereotypical old school town where everyone knows everyone.
>Stop outside this plain and normal looking house. Neighbours must be suspicious about there being five big black cars parked outside his house.
>Drag girl to the front door with a briefcase given to us by one of our coworkers
9/?
>>27357219
~CONT~
>Nice friendly looking old man opens the door. Asks us what we want
>Tell him who we're working for and present the girl who is trying her best to scream through the gag.
>Also give him the suitcase which he opens and checks.
>Obviously full of fucking money.
>He thanks us and shouts something into the house in Russian.
>This gigantic Russian babushka comes out of the back of the house and grabs the girl by the arm dragging her into the house unleashing a horrific tirade of verbal abuse at her all the while.
>Old man tells us to wait for his call.
>Motorcade fucks off after this with us being left with a single car and our expense account. With instructions to wait in the town.
>Check into local motel.
>Its shit but feels sterile after that horrific place.
>Eat real food.
>Feel comfortable enough to not wear gloves for the first time in far too long.
>New guy starts to recover from his ordeal a bit. The old town americana thing seems to be doing him wonders.
>Generally have a wonderful months vacation in this old school american town.
10/?
>>27357229
~CONT~
>All good things come to an end.
>Holiday in small town america comes to an abrupt end with a phone call from the old man telling us he's done and she's ready to be picked up.
>We sigh and pack up our stuff and get all the gear ready. The drugs, gags, bags and so on.
>We arrive at his place and he invites us in. We cautiously accept
>Sat there confused in a very nice living room we see something simply shocking
>The target wearing a dress with her all done up and looking....well normal for a rich bitch. And she's serving us tea. Talking like someone who isn't a spoiled brat, all proper like.
>The transformation is simply shocking and then we all finally cotton on to who and what this guy was.
>We brought her to be fucking brainwashed.
>Nobody has a problem with this.
>After a rather enjoyable twenty minute tea break with elderly russian couple and a brief cockup with the new guy not understanding why there's jam but no toast, we depart with now much more pleasant target in tow.
>Bundle her into car and she is positively pleasant during the entire ride. A bit of small talk, concern for our wellbeing in this hot weather and so on.
>Older partner in crime describes her presence as being like morphine. It just makes everything feel fine.
>Drive to airport, climb aboard private jet, on our merry way to Germania.
>New Guy has recovered in leaps and bounds. Ends up shagging attendant again.
>Target catches them as they had not locked the door to the toilet and is positively shocked by their scandalous behaviour. Spends rest of trip unable to even look at them.
11/12
>>27352883
Tell me this isn't real, please
>>27357249
~CONT~
>Land in Germany. Met by a car. Rather serious affair. Blacked out windows and all. Quickly everyone is stuffed inside.
>Driven to a very exclusive and expensive private clinic.
>She already has an appointment under a fake name, has to spend the whole time there with a bag over her head and us on hand to make sure doctors don't sneak a peek.
>Judging by the amount of time spent fiddling with her cunt its pretty obvious its a hymen restoration.
>Brief hospital trip over, everyone back to the airport.
>All the way she remains positively pleasant to be around.
>Onwards to jolly ol' blighty. Back home at last.
>When we arrive her father is there with a fuckton of goons to meet us.
>Talks to her for a moment in a very disneyesque reunion. Obviously the only pleasant interaction they've ever had.
>Father thanks us all for our discretion, speed and so on.
>Slips up a sizeable bonus in cash.
>We all fuck off back to the office to be praised by the boss for a job well done.
>Everything is good. Life is good. Get another month paid vacation since this one brought in a small fortune.
>New Guy seems fine for the first week but later on turns up in police custody for drugs. Winds up having to go through therapy and rehab. Fortunately employer covers access to the best available treatment on that front so no NHS psychiatric care (which is shit these days)
>New Guy makes a full recovery after a year. Learns not to trust strange ladyboys.
~THE END~
>>27357260
It is not fake, you never met a girl that age before? They know they only have one life and limited time. They will go for the biggest one.
>>27357283
Honestly though, this guy deserved it. I mean, how do you not break up the moment cringy shit starts happening? How do you get cucked so hard UNWILLINGLY?
I'm a black guy so I don't really care, but god damn whitebros, stand up for yourselves. And by that I don't mean make another "nigger this, nigger that" thread on 4chan, DISCIPLINE YOUR HOES!
>>27356760
What the fuck is it you actually do for a living? Retrieval of rich missing people?
>>27357283
>>27357348
It is fake. Its good shoops but a ridiculous story and Ive 100% seen the bottom picture with a different face
>>27357261
That was fantastic. Mind if I turn this into some kind of film like snatch or layercake one day?
>>27349441
Holy fuck I kek'd
>>27349584
>women hate
>young Asian girl
Yep, sounds like shit 4chan would say
>>27357536
>tfw wanna use this for writing inspo myself
The one where the guy went sailing with his dad and they raped each other.
>>27349584
This is only depe when you are like 14
After high school you just laugh at the pasta and your former self for thinking it was deep
>>27352883
GETS SO FUCKING DARK IN HERE
also the guy who has a Taylor Swift dakimakura is pretty neat but not greentext
>>27357260
something similar happened to me, only it wasn't a black guy, and things weren't so dramatic at the end. but the first half is pretty similar.
I can never trust a woman ever again. Or at least a white woman. I don't know, I think it's an entitled cultural thing. But I also only have a 4 inch dickMaybe I just need to get into cuckolding and ill be happy ... feelsbadman
>>27349419
I wish I read this before the greentext
>>27354576
Damn, that must have been awful to have that information about you spread everywhere. Good for him that he's trying to help kids who've had similar experiences, I've always kind of wanted to do something productive like that but i think im too autistic to really help anyone
>>27347444
glorius
>>27356170
That's enough of this thread for me. I feel too much feels.
>>27356891
Nice story. Complete bullshit. But still a good story
>>27351743
DESU soundsl ike you have lost bowel control, which can from things like forced anal stimulation among other things. I highly recommend you go to a doctor.
This greentext isn't a history, it really hit me though, when i read it i saw the face of everyone of my oneitis that i've had saying thisy
>>27356785
Gonna write a movie about this.
>>27347490
>>27348165
Found it.
Ugly guy asks out HUNDRED of girls and fails.
>>27353333
Only other tripfags care about tripfags. This unfunny shit was probably capped by the fag himself
>>27356764
Gayest thing I've read. Cringe.
>>27348001
HE WHO MAKES A BEAST OUT OF HIMSELF GETS RID OF THE PAIN OF BEING A MAN`
did someone mention feels ?
>>27356764
>this is what Christians actually believe
Never before have I seen a Christcuck so cucked
>>27358682
Fuck I was happy.
here's a good one about a faggot that wasted 18k to get laid by a used up old porn star
>>27360360
part deaux electric boogaleaux
>>27357261
Sounds like a fun job. w2c
>>27360379
he took out a high interest loan to afford it which is why it cost double what he paid. here's another good one about a degenerate faggot
pretty cringey tbqh
>>27349723
i am a little turned on by this.
>>27357805
Me too mandog
>>27360420
I kind of feel bad for the guy. I have a domination fetish, too (although, I'm only attracted to women), but I think going through that sort of thing irl would be pretty empty.
>>27350768
>I think that's coagulated blood. See how it's on the front part, and the asshole is typically on the back.
>and the asshole is typically on the back.
fucking KEK
>>27349723
Fucking women man. Not even once.
One of my favorites about a guy that gets an IT job but basically knows nothing about it. Labeled by days at the beginning of each of his posts.
>>27358682
I wasn't ready for that, God! That's exactly what I was told once.
>>27352636
So, is how this works that the Apple Phone can only save jpegs.
>>27352921
That's my fucking city, they are all a disgrace to the newcastle name.
bretty gud, not the best
>>27352883
Holy shit this makes me so angry
This makes me want to do unspeakably vile things to her
Some anon literally posted this last week.
My sides still hurt.
>>27360946
This was pure gold. Definitely worth the read.
>I am IT
>>27359369
That's...commitment to her clause
I laughed so hard at this entire thread
>>27360946
This one, and the shitty Monkey Island CD one are so fucking retarded
>>27359369
>feeling this closely to a thot you're getting cucked by
how do you spell faggot
this one is a personal favorite from /k/
>>27356760
>>27356774
>>27356785
>>27356798
>>27356817
>>27356835
>>27356852
>>27356873
>>27356891
>>27356912
>>27356927
>>27356948
>>27356963
>>27356983
>>27356983
>>27357003
>>27357026
>>27357026
>>27357048
>>27357069
>>27357092
>>27357115
>>27357126
>>27357137
>>27357150
>>27357164
>>27357183
>>27357194
>>27357207
>>27357219
>>27357229
>>27357249
>>27357261
i remember that thread. not sure why you saved his obviously bs stories.
fucktheblox
>>27349737
so it's like haibane renmei but less comfy
>>27348001
Holy fucking shit I thought the swamp butt/"I never learned to wipe my own ass" thread was bad but this? ...How does it get this bad???!
>>27348001
And I was just giving myself shit for having a slightly cluttered dining room table.
this made my eyes water
>>27352883
Karma's a bitch. she'll be a single mother for a good 18+ years
>>27348001
FUUUUUCK I REMEMBER THIS THREAD I remember fridgebro came back the next day to say he was alrightand that he left a vat of hot sour cream on his neighbor's stoop
>>27349723
Daily reminder for lonely submissivebots who want a musclegf
Anyone have the thread where anon pretends to be in college but his parents find him out?
>>27347444
>Imgur link
Confirmed redditfag. However, your contribution redeems this.
From /x/
>>27348001
>if I wanted to kill myself I'd climb to the number of his chromosomes and jump to his iq
>>27348021
Ohhh fuck I remember that thread... anyone else have it? They mentioned a cum/piss jug as well
>>27352948
I had that shit happen to me
>playing video games
>have to shit
>figure I can hold it
>play about an hour more
>get up to shit
>half way to bathroom
>fart and think nothing of it
>turns out I let out enough shit to coat my ass and thighs
>sit on toilet and drop another 2 gallons of shit water
>throw pants away and spray asshole with detachable showerhead
>>27358969
Fucking hell, that's depressing.
>>27356170
Fucking Christ. Please don't be real.
>>27358969
I'm glad I'm handsome. I'm an autist but people care less when they're drunk at face value.
>>27352794
>killing 15 women patients
So male patients don't matter to news?
>>27347311
Posted by some anon a little while ago
>>27348001
>fridgebro
I swear he's the dirtiest anon on here, last time he ditched the apartment and went somewhere
>>27353118
I hope they didn't hurt his feelings too much ;_;
>>27358682
I don't really see this as upsetting, like any young woman could express her thoughts this eloquently, or even put extended thought into the matter in general.
They would just say you're a creep and then move on.
>>27347444
fucks sake, this is 0/10, wtf?
