>>25143385
I told a crush/friend today "I want to experience a true disaster. I've made it through a lot and feel like I'll be okay through anything. not thrive, not be amazing. but I can handle breakups, lost parents, whatever. I've never been devastated."

so I guess wanting that is kinda depressive. since about 8 gears old ive seen therapists for depressive behavior but only been diagnosed once (depression) when I was in 10th grade. I'm 19 now, moving into my own apartment, working two jobs, one of which pays 20 and hour the other 28, both are contract jobs so the only mandatory inflexible hours are meetings (every other day, sometimes more)
I've got a girlfriend who has lately been questioning her gender (I think it's cute and it lets me be emotionally intimate with her, I'm a trap too)

but fuck op
I just cried for like thirty minutes wondering about ways to die or what my funeral would be like. fuck. I like it though. is that depression?

>>25143480
I also kind of want to admit myself to a hospital for a month or two. or go live in a cabin somewhere and just fish. be alone. lonely. I don't know

Psych nurse here. I can literally give you all the right things to say to get out if anyone's interested

>>25143509
I'm no doctor, but from my experiences that's what depression is like. Except it's persistent and there almost all the time.

Still, I'm really sorry Anon. I hope you get through your problems.

>>25143511

I'd be glad to hear what to say in order to get out. Just in case I ever fail at killing myself again. Honestly, my psych ward stays have only strengthened my resolve to do it right next time.

I always lie at the suicidal ideation part. Don't wanna be held.

My anxiety and depression is awful. Live constantly on the edge of panic everyday. I hide some of it with buspar and zoloft

>>25143541
>I'm no doctor, but from my experiences that's what depression is like. Except it's persistent and there almost all the time.
it's not for me. maybe it's bipolar. but I mean it's not crushing
>Still, I'm really sorry Anon. I hope you get through your problems.
I don't have any. I mean I do (I have diabetes, was sick for like three days, didn't get paid for four months, failed my favorite class this semester, almost broke up over a weird miscommunication, am constantly hurt by my girlfriends in various ways but am OK mostly, I'm getting kicked out of my current living situation..)
but they don't crush me. I wanna be crushed. so I can't do anything. I want to be defeated. and over.
just to know, mostly. but then it wouldn't truly be over. so I guess I just wait for death.

I fluctuate between 'I want to die immediately' and 'I want some noodles'

>tfw horrified of going to a psych and telling them anything because I don't want to get sent to a psych ward

>>25143511
Please do
Inb4 it's purposefully false

>>25143572

I end up telling them mid - low ranged numbers at first and slowly drop them so that they think that I'm improving. I also lied every time about the suicidal ideation part.

My anxiety isn't that bad anymore but my brain is almost always fried. Thanks, benzos.

My depression still crushes me most of the time, excluding when I'm with my girlfriend or high on my benzos (I know they're for anxiety, but they kill my brain enough to numb the depression for a bit).

>>25143385
fag i have a thing for fucking liars

>>25143603
ye
I kinda just wept over my thoughts then watched house in the bath with some frosted flakes
I'm here, anyways >>25143601
>>25143480

>>25143655

Thanks for your contribution, Anon.

>>25143638
Seems like you and I are aboard the same ship. If these SSRIs don't fix me, I'm certain I'm not going to put up with much more.

This may seem paranoid, but trust me it's not. They will listen in on your phone conversations while you are in the mental hospital/mental health ward. So be careful what you say.

>>25143679
also im the guy that was "trolled." I posted here in a thread a few weeks ago.

psych ward pretty cool.
>i got to talk /int/ Tomoko
>swear I was in the psych ward with that sweatyguy.jpg meme
>horny hoe flashed me some pantsus and was rubbing her vajayjay

>>25143685
I've been on so many medications and most of my antidepressants just seem to make my problems even worse. I've finally found one that kinda stabilizes me, but the withdrawals are horrible.

Meanwhile, my long term anti-anxiety medication makes me extremely sleepy and hungry all the time, harming my motivation even worse and making me put on a ton of weight.

>>25143755

My first stay consisted of a schizo who claimed he was a mind-reading vampire, a dumb country whore, and a guy who was faking it for attention. They all teamed up to attack and shun me.

My second stay consisted of a couple of druggies and a retarded schizo. Same thing happened that time, too.

>>25143743
what happened to make you think that?

File: 1449344028816.jpg (28 KB, 720x720) Image search: [Google]

28 KB, 720x720

>put in psych ward after suicide attempt in high school
>ended up spending an entire year in there
>didn't help my problems
>stuck taking classes with people a year younger than me for the rest of high school
>everyone always calls me a psycho because of the time I spent in there
>tfw it just made things worse

>>25143864
>suicide attempt
>mom just calls a hotline while she bails me outta school
>stay home 2-3 times a week watching standup playing skyrim
aw ye

>>25143940
>Skyrim
How young are you, goddamn? Mine was 11 years ago

1. If they ask if your having suicidal thoughts the answer is "Fuck No I like living"
2. If they ask you if your having violent thoughts the answer is always "No"
3. Also kiss ass and avoid conflict.

Stuck in phsyc ward in Switzerland solitary is literally hell. Transfered to US one got out in 3 days.

>>25143831
Doctor set me up with a halfway house to stay in after I get discharged. Told friend who was to pick me up that I would just "yeah, yeah, yeah" the doc and go somewhere else once out. Doc asked to speak to friend in his office before I was discharged and interrogated him, trying to admit the truth. Friend even says they must have listened in on call because Doc knew the plan.

And that's only the most obvious one. There were other instances where it was like they knew what I had been talking about on the phone. And it wasn't just office phones, but the payphones they had as well.

>Any suicidal thoughts
What the fuck does this mean?

I had an appointment with a psychiatrist today and she asked me this. My response to her is that "If I thought about a dog on the moon does that mean I want to bring that into reality and actualize my ideas?". She just kept repeating the question until I told her to just ask me more directly what she wants to know.

>>25143955
skyrim came out in 2011
I'm 19 now
so I was 14 or 15 then

>>25143962
Well there are speakers in the hallways near the payphones, so there is that....

>>25143984
No, don't ever admit you've even thought about it. They will look for any little reason to 2 PC you.

>>25143962
When I spent a week in a hospital the phone calls were definitely listened to

They tried to get me in one when I attempted suicide this year. I lied my ass off and said that it was accidental and I have no idea why they didn't call me on it because I'm a terrible liar. Only thing that's stopping me now is the fact that if I fuck up again I won't have much choice

I enjoyed my time in one, wasn't too bad but I'm in Australia and went private so I was allowed phone (for 4chan) and cigarettes so I just chilled and got 2months off work

Before I went private I was in public and denied any technology or freedom, that was torture.. Stuck with fucked people, calls monitored, nurses basically scripted to say stuff

Very uncomfortable

>>25143480
>trap
>mentally ill
Why am I not surprised at all?

I straight up told a psychiatrist I was sick of living and wanted to jump in front of a train and he just told me to take deep breaths whenever I feel this way.

Why didn't I get sent? How fucked up do you have to be to end up there?

>>25143995
>2011
Damn, what happened to time? ;_;

>>25144363
Seems like psychiatrist are handling this question differently, but I sure wouldn't admit what you did.