ITT: random greentexts
>walking to the store
>see a huge fresh dogturd on the sidewalk
>avoid it
>walking back about 7 minutes later
>someone stepped in it
>mfw
>wakeup
>fatass chickadees outside window
>hopping around on power lines
>thunder and lightning very frightening
>stretch session commence
>loud crack
>outside: strobe on
>inside: lights out
>ooh.avi
>peek outside
>feathers
>later
>friendly neighborhood niglets gather around charred din-din
>one pokes it with a stick
>savages
>forgets about holiday turkey in oven
>ohno
>I am a savage as well
>mfw
>I'm a degenerate ne"er-do-well in my middle school years
>take up shoplifting, mostly because i didn't have a job, i liked the rush, and i got stuff to eat
>me and my friends go into this real small convenience store
>like extremely small, there's only one aisle and it stretches like 6 feet, this entire place is smaller than a 1 person dorm room.
>this store is SO badly laid out, there's an actual pillar in the middle of this store so basically everything behind looks shrouded in secrecy
>i go to the back, my friends are all distracting the store clerk
>i take like $20 worth of food and drinks, my friends calling me "swiper"
>completely get away with it too because it was a poor convience store and they didn't have cameras.
backstory
>i had strep throat 2 years ago during the first weeks in September
>i took medicine and antibiotics, both of which made me drowsy
what happened
>after laying in bed for 2 days i decide to go back to school insisting I'm fine
>in the car ride there i heard my stomach rumbling and i fart, think it's probably due to the antibiotics and think nothing of it
>i go to 1st period, nothing happening, but i have to go to the office and check attendance because i was out for two days
>i do so and come back
>i go back and my friends tell me
>"anon why is the seat of your chair soaking wet?"
>i look in horror at the horrible clear liquid that most likely came out of my ass in front of me and the general public
>they keep asking what happened, eventually it came to this
>"anon, did you shit yourself?"
>i say no, never wanting to admit that
>she's like "turn around anon", sees nothing, whatever
>i switch it with my friend's seat because i didn't want to clean it
>she walks in tries to take her seat my friend tells her to watch out
>she complains and cleans it up with some tissues teachers always have at their desk
>as she's wiping it up she says
>"that's a pretty shitty thing to do, what a sweaty asshole"
>my other friend being a cheeky cunt quips
>"yeah thats one sweaty asshole"
>laughingnervously
>eventually 1st period ends, i stand up last just in case this happens again
>nothing happened i go to the bathroom just to be absolutely sure
>i go into the stall, wipe my ass
>i did shit myself, it's on the underwear and on the side of my pants, but not directly in the middle
>FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
>try to clean as much as i can off
>think of a solution real quick, got it
>ill go home through the nurse and tell them my strep throats not better
>i do all that while trying to not sit on anything
>i get home, realized what i've done, change out of my clothes and all that
>lay down about to fall asleep, look up at the ceiling
>realize i shit my pants on 9/11
>>25023325
>mfw that someone was me
>>25024313
another shit related one that i have
>laying in bed, blanket wrapped around
>maxcomfy
>this is disrupted by the need to shit
>i ignore it and try to fall asleep under the sheets
>i can't fall asleep so i jerk off
>i fell asleep pants down jacking off
>right in the middle of a dream feel extremely relieved and like i've lost a burden off my back
>ohgod
>i wake up realizing i shit the bed
