Anons, please tell me about your life, I need to be distracted, and it's cathartic to share feelings with other anons.
sure m8, I'll tell you my life. I am a 5 ft 5 asian manlet with a visible scar on my face. I used to be bullied in high school and now i have anxiety issues. I have not touched a girls hand before and the only girl I've ever kissed is a stripper in bangkok, in which she rejected me. After that experience, I was ashamed by myself and will not allow myself to tempted by women again. Now I am on my way to take over a food business that would could probably make 5 digits a month, but will definitely hurt my health in the long run. I plan to take over the business, make a lump sum of money by 15 years and retire in a quiet peaceful country and get a dog, a house, and die there.
Had a mental breakdown last year. Had panic attacks, went catatonic, felt like everything around me, and sometimes me, wasn't real, heard voices, couldn't focus enough to read a fucking book (I'm not kidding), thought about suicide constantly.
Stayed in my room for 3 days and didn't come out to eat or do anything else, hit myself and tried to drink myself to sleep.
Finally got help after a week or so of this, but took 4 months from that point to get me an an effective dose of the right meds.
It helped a lot but now I'm getting worse again and I'm seeing things which has never happened. I'm terrified I'm going to have to go to the hospital if it gets as bad as it was before and that I'm never going to get out or come out completely different because of the meds + my illness.
>>25459750
>but will definitely hurt my health in the long run.
In what way? The stress from running the business? But
>make a lump sum of money by 15 years and retire in a quiet peaceful country and get a dog, a house, and die there.
sounds pleasant, I have a similar plan, hopefully.
>>25459758
That's terrible anon. Would going to a doctor preemptively before things worsened be of any advantage? Maybe let him know things are changing?
>>25459805
It is a 15 hour work shift that will require me to be there to take care of the business. I will be dealing with lots of frying, and seen my dad get several blisters weekly from oil. It is painful but the money is good. I'd rather get burnt by oil then deal with office politics.
Tell me your story anon
>>25459805
I go to my therapist every 2 weeks but my psychiatrist a lot less then that. I'll talk to my therapist and we'll probably end up getting a quicker appointment with the psychiatrist.
Yes it can help and it's better than nothing, but the meds take a couple weeks to kick in so I could've already had another full breakdown by the time I get in and the meds actually work, and the meds aren't full proof either, tons of people have relapses despite staying on top of their meds. We'll see what happens.
Well my intestinal pain just woke me up, thanks to insurance issues and my family "wanting me to see THIS doctor because he's in this group." However they generally stopped caring and my chad brother told them I'm just trying to scam for pain pills, so nobody here believes that i'm sick anyway. i'm on four months no treatment after this put me in the hospital for a week last summer. I've watched this go from a dull ache knowing it would get to this. Now every single day is pain. I dont have the coverage to get help without putting myself in debt for the rest of my life, which I honestly don't want to live anyway. I'm probably going to lose my wagekek job bagging groceries, I really don't care though. It hurts so much all the time, but the fact that everyone just watches, and actually gets in the way when I try to help myself is something I will never understand. Now I spend my days taking bloody shits, browsing r9k and waiting for the pain to get worse. Any worse than this and it'll be easy to kill myself. A noose really won't hurt so bad compared to my intestines ripping apart.
>>25459888
What age are you? Could you get your own insurance and see the doctor YOU want?
>>25459758
what do you habe?
>>25459907
Insurance is expensive senpai and I did not get accepted for government care since I guess they expect my parents to not let me die
>>25459842
>I'd rather get burnt by oil then deal with office politics.
Ha, I know exactly the feeling.
I'm a 5'10" guy who never had any friends growing up, and a mother who bullied the shit out of me, so I have attachment issues I suppose, and I've always been incredibly lonely. I made an OKCupid account last year in hopes of alleviating that pain; after some struggle I found one girl who had a decent amount in common with me, we hung out once, and then she ghosted me. After that, I spent another week going through matches before I found a cute boy on OKCupid, who mentioned /r9k/ on their profile. So I messaged them, because I hoped they were as awkward as I was, and maybe the common ground of being emotionally damaged would provide ample possibility for connections to form. We talked for a while, and we had some decent conversation; they had a relatable self-deprecating sense of humour, among other things that made him really pleasant to talk to.
>>25459987
We finally met up in person, and it was awkward, but not in an uncomfortable way, it felt almost surreal, like in the kinds of moe animes that /a/ watches; he asked to hold my hand, we cuddled, then both awkwardly turned in to kiss on the cheek at the same time which turned into a mouth to mouth kiss. He was even more pleasant to talk to in person, and I'd never felt more like a real person before in my life, whole and wanted. Then, the next day, I had trouble getting in contact with them the whole day; eventually I got a text saying their parents had placed them in psychiatric care, that he'd be near a certain place in the city I live in, and to come find him. The next day, I spent 5 hours looking for him in that area, to no avail, and returned home to find it written on his OKCupid that his phone and laptop were taken away. Yet his tumblr is constantly being updated, and despite my attempts at messaging them on tumblr, I'm met with no response. Over the past 24 hours my heart rate has been sitting at a constant 90 bpm, there's a lump in my throat and nausea in my stomach. I have no idea what's going on and I feel ill.
>>25459646
I've spent the best years of my life sat on my ass, gaining weight and developing haemorrhoids.
I don't have any hobbies and I'm no longer as intelligent as I once was, I have almost no attention span, so there's no point in even trying new things. I can't hold down a job or friendships because I'm painfully pessimistic and delude myself in to thinking I am better than my co-workers and managers and can make it on my own somehow.
But all my get rich schemes fall apart because when I work alone I realise I'm just as inadequate and lazy as the people I previously slated.
Shortly after I hit rock bottom, the savings have ran out. I swear against the internet and it's evil ways, that's what influenced me. Maybe I'll go on a health kick, find a new job, try and connect with old friends, I start with all the best intentions. Eventually the same thing happens, I begin resenting my life, I am bored and losing interest in the things I thought I liked and I come back here to escape.
It has took me nearly 30 years to realise that putting effort in to stuff is the answer to everything. OK there's some things down to luck, but when I think about the people I know, there admired attributes are all things that they put a lot of effort into. I also realised that the most unhappy people I know are the people who put the least effort into things and make excuses. I applied the theory to everyone I know and it stands up nearly all the time. Even the people with the best relationships I realised put more effort into each other.
I'm going to start trying a lot harder.
>>25459913
Psychosis NOS, which is similar to schizophrenia, it seems to be of the long term variety.
havent done anything last 2.5 years since highschool.
not really interested in moving on with my life, i dont see much to look forward to desu cuz i have no friends so here i sit in my room sick of 4chan and games waiting to work up the courage to kill myself.
in reality tho, lets be honest, ill pussy out and get a job..let the world push me around some more etc etc.
pic related its me
>>25459872
I suppose it's the best that can be done, but that still sounds miserable. I wish you well anon.
Do you have a job, or does this prevent you from being a wageslave?
>>25459888
Could you try and explain to the doctors or government that your family is fucking you over? Although I suppose they probably don't care.
Where do you live anon?
>>25459987
>>25460003
I'm sorry for that anon, there is a chance he probably is avoiding you now. But don't take it to heart too much, I feel that the experiences you had was what mattered most, it is what keeps you from giving up on life. No matter whether you find him or not, I hope you find someone that makes you feel the same way again anon.
>>25460063
I'm in college and somehow have managed not to fail out yet. Not sure what I'm going to do after that because stress makes my symptoms worse and as far as I can tell work and life in general is stressful.
>>25460063
As far as doctors go I would get no sympathy. If things are a dire emergency, which they will be soon, then they'll be forced to treat me even though I'd take on debt that makes student loans look like your friend buying you lunch. As far as talking to the government and reapplying for benefits I am trying, however I move slow through all this red tape when I'm this sick. And I live in the land of the free of course. Where else do they let people die because they can't afford to live?
Been unemployed for the last 6 months.
Have a skin disease that really effects my relationships with people, as in I have trust issues. I can get rid of it with medication but it takes months to completely get rid of and the medication I use makes me feel tired in every waking moment/thins my skin and gives me stretch marks. I basically have the choice of taking my medication and not having any energy, or skipping them and having a disgusting body/being in pain every waking moment and not being able to sleep. Smoking weed has helped me deal with the discomfort but I can't justify spending the money on it right now.
The only solace in life I have is writing music but even then because of my medication I barely even have the energy to spend 2 hours a day on that. And anyway what kind of person wants to listen to music written by a scabby fuck like myself?
>>25460115
That's what I'm trying to emotionally prepare myself for. If he didn't want to talk to me anymore I wish he would just let me know though.
>>25460135
College is pretty stressful, I can't imagine work being any less stressful, though I suppose it depends on your degree.
If my dream job doesn't work out, I'd probably gravitate towards some kind of lower income physical labor work where at least the job is low stress. I've heard being a park ranger is quite nice.
>>25460147
I had a feeling. I damaged a joint a year back and could do little about it because I too am a poor man in the land of the free. Your situation sounds so hopeless though, I'm sorry anon.
Yeah sure OP
Im failing in uni, lost all my friends because I decided they were not good anymore. I can't make new friends because I literally dont know how. My family loves me but feels I am a huge economic burden, which makes them visibly resentful at times
No gf, never had. Sometimes, when I'm drunk or really social for some reason, girls ask me why I'm not always like that. But I just can't
Maybe, in the future I can change. Suicide is not an option after 3 failed attempts so I'll just see where life takes me
I thought I had cancer from when I was 12 to my birthday last year.
I chose to ignore it, as going and getting a proper diagnosis would have to involve my parents and I preferred the idea of dying to watching people suffer emotionally.
To this day no one knows other than my best friend who accompanied me to the radiotherapy centre.
I was being really selfish in hindsight.
>>25460287
>I can't make new friends because I literally dont know how.
Heh, I know this feel. It's especially difficult at college past freshman year, because by then everyone's already formed their social cliques that they're comfortable in, and it's very hard to break in once they've formed. Every friend I've made in the past year (all two of them) was because they mentioned 4chan in real life or I could tell they were a browser and proceeded to talk to them about it.
What's your degree, if you don't mind me asking?
It's okay anon, it's better to find a girl who you can be comfortable with sober than someone who only enjoys your company when you're inebriated.
>>25460264
I just switched from biology to business because it was too much for me, I feel like I'm slowly getting stupider and stupider. I hear business is pretty easy so I should be ok. I'd love to be a park ranger but my meds make me sensitive to heat and excessive physical activity. If it's too hot or I do too much I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
>>25459888
Why not get a real job?
>>25460342
Well I'm glad your okay anon. What made you think you had cancer?
>>25460375
Studies show depression and stress can have a negative impact on cognition, that's part of the appeal of threads like this; distraction from being miserable and emotional catharsis. But business I've heard is pretty easy as well and will at least improve your employability.
>>25460003
He's definitely avoiding you
I kissed a girl at new years.
I think she was pretty drunk though.
Then the pot brownie kicked in and i had to go to bed.
>>25460439
Lumps and aching in my balls, and chicken skin (which it turns out is normal but to a young kid who knows nothing of biology it's terrifying).
To be honest it wasn't ever at the front of my mind, I kind of repressed it, but every time I thought about it I had a panic attack. I always thought "I'll go to the doctor tomorrow", but surprisingly I never did, it only came out when I got really drunk the day before my birthday and got all teary to my best mate about it.
Oh and one time I thought I felt a lump in my breast, so I thought that was it having spread.
>>25459646
>tfw 31 going on 32
>tfw did well in high school and everyone thought i was a freakin genious
>tfw had full ride scholarship to university
>tfw co-owned a successful business
>tfw it all went to shit and I went bankrupt and now am working at a data entry job
>lost scholarship
>no degree
>clinging on to college by my fingernails but should have graduated 12 years ago
I'm gradually coming to terms with the fact that I have severe ADHD and it's totally ruined my life. Learning about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria was the missing piece of the puzzle. I hate doctors but need to get fucking drugs so I can salvage the remainder of my wasted existence.
>>25460439
Yeah, and my illness has a lot of cognitive symptoms too which doesn't help.
>>25459646
I am a man, good looking, I go to the gym. I am successful person pursuing my master degree from a high ranking university. My family loves me and I have everything that a man could wish for. Except, except for these fucking god damn thoughts. I don't seem to be able to bond with women, the thing is not that I can't get a woman to be interested in me, i had to reject several of them actually. The problem is that I am not interested in them, they seem to be shallow, stupid, or boring. And whenever I find someone who is a potential wife material (wait for it) my brain jumps 10 years in the future and I keep analyzing all the different situations and I always end up with the conclusion that the relationship will fail. I had to break up with two girls due to these thoughts in the future. And yes, i do think a lot about the future. What is tormenting me now is that I am finding another interesting girl but i don't want to ask her out since I already know how it will end. Should I see a shrink?
>>25460374
>>25460374
CS, I think I'll drop out and go to one of those technical schools, whatever they're called in english. I love tech but all this math is not my thing, I'd rather learn useless computer architecture, code, more practical stuff
It doesn't help that I can't find anyone I can relate to in the slightest, making friends is completely discarded. Rum is my normie fuel, as I always say here
What do you study/have sudied, do you enjoy it?
>>25460525
It's hard because knowing your psychological issues only make you dumber only makes you more depressed, it's a vicious cycle.
>>25460548
I know that feel, you'd figure at such a large place full of people your age you'd be bound to find someone you relate to but it's so easy to feel completely alienated from everyone there. I study math at the moment, it's the only thing preventing me from killing myself at the moment, I'll be applying to PhD programs next fall.
>>25460537
No, you are perfectly normal, in fact more so than other people.
>>25460738
I keep telling myself that I am doing the right thing when I am actually looking for long term +10 year relationship instead of a fuck and run kind of a relationship. But it seems impossible to find a good girl who fits my criteria (I am not asking for much actually) and this thing is really driving me insane, are you sure that I am normal when I overanalyze consequences?
5'6" balding slavic manlet
Struggled through school most of my life even though people fed me the bullshit "but you seem so intelligent anon" line again and again. Barely passed high school, decided to become a cop so I went to college.
Dropped out of college that I was failing out of anyway because my father lost his job. Became NEET for the past 8 months until I got picked up in this skilled labor program. Fucked up the paperwork and now I only have two (2) days to fix the situation or I'm going to go from potentially living a middle class lifestyle to minimum wage class for the rest of my life.
I don't have the time, money, intelligence or motivation to bother going to college for something worthwhile (STEM) and I can't join the military either because I was rejected from MEPS.
I can't be poor forever. If I don't find a career my parents will probably lose the house and I'll share a micro apartment with my family, cuddled together like roaches paying a rent that's maybe only slightly less expensive than our mortgage.
If I don't join this trades union I will end my life. I don't want to deal with it anymore, I can't.
>>25459888
This is why free health care should be a thing
conservatives, take notes
>>25460882
I'm sorry anon. How is the situation? Do you think you'll be able to fix it in 2 days?
Ok.
6f2inch Asian here. Idk how. Probably genetics or something even though my parents aren't that tall. Whatever. To me the Height is Everything is just a meme since I never got a gf. Probably because I've gone to an all boys school for most of my life.
I'm probably gay. I think I'm the gayest straight dude alive. When I was 15 I made a girl cry because I didn't pay attention to her while I was playing Counter Strike. She became religious af after that, wearing burqas n shit (yeah I'm a mudslime).
I got my first rejection last year. It felt great. I knew she would reject me and shit. Also I had important exam to do and I don't want to deal will bullshit love. She also started to become religious and stuff, at least that what I can get from her private Insta account. That rejection made me lose weight and pick up guitar, so I thank her for that. Now atm I need a job.
Thanks for reading my bullshit. I hope you get something out of it or whatever.
>>25460926
Normies have no empathy anon, they think in regard to themselves. If someone like me could accomplish something should I be healthy then that makes me competition. They would see themselves as a gazelle nursing a sick lion back to health, even if that's the furthest thing from the truth.
>>25459646
>tfw your favorite camwhore is whoring online
feelsgoodman.jpg
>>25461526
desu porn just disgusts me now
>>25460251
A scabby artist would be cool anon. The idea sounds rad. Use it to your advantage
Ok OP here's my situation:
>khv
>got permantly disqualified from military due to medical condition(two weeks before Christmas), even passed the ASVAB but waiver got denied
>Can't afford college or trade school, even if I could, I don't have ambition or know what I wanted to learn
>currently trying to apply for wagecuck jobs with no references
This going to be a long year....
>>25461097
I was waiting for documents that never arrived at my house. Usually they're mailed directly to you but in this instance they were mailed to the people directly.
I might be able to get it fixed, time is the issue here. If I'm missing something it'll take me days to get the documents that I need. That's time that I don't have, oh well.
>>25461850
That's kafkaesque, if you miss the deadline there are no exceptions or second chances down the road? You're fucked for the year?
I'm female, English, 24 yrs/o, Caucasian, blonde, blue eyes, 5'7".
I'm currently a university student, late starter since it took me many years to figure out what I truly wanted to dedicate my life to, but for the first time in my life I truly feel like I have a goal in life and the ambition and drive I previously envied others for possessing has slowly flowed in over time.
I want to talk about my hobbies but sometimes it doesn't really feel like I have any, just activities that I occasionally participate in.
I used to be a pretty big gamer but I don't really have any time for that now what with my academia and everything. I still jump into the occasional game of Rocket League or Civ V or hop onto an old save of Skyrim.
I've become such a casual, but then I suppose gaming has been casualised for a while now.
I've been browsing 4chan since 2006, having originally come in when the Habbo Raids were ongoing.
/r9k/ I've been browsing since 2008 and boy has this board changed.
Despite the differences between the /r9k/ of then and the /r9k/ of today and the fact that when revealing my gender in a relevant post I now receive a torrent of abuse, I still feel like this is the only place I can come to in order to properly communicate myself.
I'm a pretty particular person and I don't really have any friends in life bar one. I'm extremely lonely though.
I just came back to my place of prior residence for Christmas and I tried hanging out with a bunch of old acquaintances and god what a wretched night it turned out to be. In the years that had passed without even realising it we all developed into separate people and now we have nothing in common at all.
I've never been good at making friends, and because of this over the years I've become distant and isolatory and refuse to let anybody come close to me.
I see a good career for me in the future, but I wish I had friends to share it with. Not a single person in my life really knows me, not even my mother or sisters.
>>25461985
>if you miss the deadline there are no exceptions or second chances down the road? You're fucked for the year?
If I miss the deadline I can never join ever again.
I was lucky in the first place, I got into a program that out of 300 applicants 8% make it through. Normally if you wait on line to get into a union as opposed to getting tested in you'll have like 10,000 applicants and they only have room for maybe 50-60 people.
>>25461993
Femanon here guise XDDDD
>>25461993
I know most of those feelings quite well, though I'm fortunate enough to have been browsing 4chan two years fewer than you have. What's your major?
>>25459987
>>25460003
Question for the other anons.
Would it be an absolutely regrettable idea to visit the care facility where he's being held?
>>25461129
>Tall asian
>muslim
>girls become religious when i reject them
what the fuck
>>25462321
Indians are technically 'Asian'.
>>25461993
I'm just reading this and I've realised that I've become a gigantic blah.
Even in my teens when I was a severely depressed piece of shit living in a hostel and eating out of food banks because I was homeless and poor as fuark I was still more vibrant and interesting than what I am now.
Is this a mid-20's crisis? I feel like my personality is being drained away, or maybe I'm just sad because there's rarely anybody I can engage in conversation with surrounding my area of study.
When did I become such a boring, sad sack of shit? All I do is study in my room every night because I have to.
I don't go any where interesting or do anything worthwhile apart from study, read and workout. Everybody else my age is out partying or at mixers and shit, drinking fancy wines in fancy clothes with their fancy friends.
Is this what success is? To sacrifice?
I went out today and had a wander around. It was raining and it was so beautiful guys.
I was stood in an alcove and just watching streams of rain pour down from the awning, inches from my face, some of it splashing at my ankles. It's been so long since I felt peace like that but in a few days I'm returning to the meat grinder.
>>25462128
r u a boi omg
>>25462161
Yeah? I'm not surprised, but it's funny how when you feel like this you feel alone anyway isn't it, like your the only person in the world experiencing these emotions.
My major is titled East Asian Studies but it's the study of Japanese History and Culture and Chinese History and Culture with a Japanese language module on the side.
I know a lot of people will laugh at this and tell me it's a worthless degree but I love the study of history, it really lights me up inside, and I'm actually good at it too. I could talk about it for hours on end.
I could have gone into medicine but I chose the historical/linguistics route. Medicine pays better and is more secure for sure, but it doesn't make me feel the way my current degree does.
What about you?
>>25461993
mfw i'll never have a reclused female friend
>>25461993
>when revealing my gender in a relevant post I now receive a torrent of abuse
Tough shit. Beat it, roastie. Your gender is too retarded to recognize how it ruins things.
Fuck off to a roastie hole.
>>25461993
you're pretty good at making up stories
>>25462458
Would you even want one? Truly?
>>25462494
m8 I've been here since 2006, like water off a ducks back lil' cuckie.
>>25462347
Yeah that's what academia does to you. It's draining to see everyone around you 'having fun', but do I really envy them? I suppose if you love your work there's some reward in it.
That's part of the appeal of /r9k/, it's cathartic and relieving to share feels, like the burden is lessened. I'm >>25460715
hopefully some PhD programs overseas accept me because living in America as a poor person is suffering.
>>25462525
>Would you even want one? Truly?
i'd like it but i'm autist and boring as fuck
i have no idea how to talk
>>25462525
You feel special now? You are trying to convince anons you are here since 2006. No one cares when you came. No one will ever will.
>>25461993
>female
>blond
>college
>has goal in life
You're the perfect poster child for a Stacy and you need to GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEEE
>>25459646
I'm mexican, overweight and have the same gf since 2008. I feel how the years are just running in front of me, and compare myself to successful m8s, while I just go to a half time job to have the opportunity to buy some fucking cigarettes and smoke myself to death.
>>25461993
I dont get it are you English now or youre a white mutt that doesnt know what it is?
>>25462597
Literally my entire two posts were detailing how dull and average I feel lel
You need to stop projecting your feelings of inadequacies onto others and go out and work on your own life.
FYI happy, successful people don't unnesscarily and without provocation go out of their way to attack people.
I kind of used to be like this, maybe you'll grow out of it like I did. I get the feeling you're probably still pretty young.
>>25462602
I thought Stacey was a brunette, unemployed living off daddy's trust fund and getting bankrolled through life whilst attending numerous social events and discarding educational possibilities in favour of potential cock.
IRL I am the farthest thing from Stacey you will ever meet. I'm a complete loser, but an educated one at least.
>>25462569
Same senpai'. Same.
D-do you like history?
>>25462837
>IRL I am the farthest thing from Stacey you will ever meet. I'm a complete loser
>University Student with goals
I don't know you seem to be a doing a whole lot better then I am
>>25462837
>Same senpai'. Same.
>D-do you like history?
isn't my field but we can always learn new things
>mfw i'll never watch a historical movie with a reclused femanonand chill
>be 22
>in a stable job
>average looks
>never had a gf
>but have many friends who i socialise with often
>mainly happy with my life
>>25463005
Yeah but you're forgetting that only 2 years ago I was a worthless NEET.
I was homeless, had no grades to speak of, failed college previously twice, living in a hostel, eating out of food banks, couldn't afford utilities and had been signed onto JSA for 4 years straight. No savings, no car, no friends, no life, only 4chan.
My life revolved around recieving my JSA every two weeks so I could hop online and waste it on anime statues and Figma and other frivolous shit that temporarily beat back the realisation of what a fucking mess I'd become.
It's only been this year I've become a functional, productive member of society. Before that I was Tomoko incarnate. Worse actually because at least Tomoko has people that like her and actually want to be around her.
I can't even begin to describe what a fucking loser I was. Actually I can, because I have minor kyphosis of the neck from hovering over my laptop 8+ hours a day for like years straight and it's only now just reversing.
I don't know what happened, maybe it was because I'd managed to hit bedrock, absolute rock bottom, but something snapped and I decided I didn't want to be this person any more.
Maybe one day it'll happen for you too. Only shit thing is is that it has to get worse before it gets better. I wish it would happen for everybody here. I know almost everybody here hates me based exclusively on my gender but you really have no idea how much I actually relate.
>>25459646
guy, 25 years old, belgian bpd student. wealthy parents, but loveless ever since my mother died. Turns chad mode every weekend to get at least some affection whilst spending my inheritance... Don't care, never will care probably... With all the medication i've took and my general lifestyle I will probably die before i'm 50... So this year i'm going to refocus on golf, getting out of the family business and start playing rugby... Here's to hoping I can manage long enough ...
>>25463595
Oh, now that you put that way that sounds bad, well, I wish you good luck femanon and hopefully things will get better for you
>>25463734
sorry, not student BPD patient...
>>25463164
Where'd you go anon?
>>25462295
He may be emberassed about it, I was close to going to the hospital and if someone I barely knew came to visit me I would be emberassed as fuck. That being said that would probably only last a little bit, I'm sure in the long term he'd appreciate the support.
>>25460715
Yeah that's true, and my anxiety about going to the hospital/having a breakdown only makes it more likely I'll have a breakdown and end up there. I know this but I can't stop it. Thanks for listening anon.
>>25461702
Thanks but I don't think you understand how people see chronic illness in the wider world. Most normal people would rather just forget that diseased people exist. Nothing worse than being pitied anyway.
>>25464334
Anytime anon. Thanks for posting.
>>25464281
That's what I'm hoping, hoping he hasn't contacted me due to situational constraints rather than by choice. I have nothing to lose I guess.
>>25464363
What's the disease called?
24 guy from France.
Semi pro soccer player for 3 years, I live from my passion but the pay is shit and I can get sacked every year if I don't perform good enough. Only treain two hours a day and have a match on the week end, other than that I'm alone in a shitty council flat watching TV or on the net. Been smoking unhealthy amounts of weed since high school, which will soon fuck my abilities up.
Had one real friend who found a job in fucking South America. I have some acquaintances whom I hang out with, mostly out of habitude but i wouldn't call them friends.
I am relatively good looking and athletic, but have no success with girls. I sometimes get hit on but it never leads anywhere because I can only talk about soccer. Had 2 gfs but it never lasted because I got anxious and a bit clingy quick.
Have no real problems with my parents, but they ignored me for most of my childhood and I just don't talk to them anymore since I left because we have genuinely nothing to share.
I was quite good at school but never cared enough. Got some technical education after high school in logistics, but I hate this field. I don't know what I'll do when I won't be able to play soccer at a good level anymore, might try to become a PE teacher in a middle school or something.
I'm not really depressed, not really unhappy either, more like apathetic and lacking drive.
>>25464644
>I'm not really depressed, not really unhappy either, more like apathetic and lacking drive.
Same, I don't really know what the point is in anything anymore.
>>25464644
Why not become a soccer coach for some high school or middle school or something? Good way to do soccer without having to continue in the seemingly stressful system you're stuck in.
>I'm not really depressed, not really unhappy either, more like apathetic and lacking drive.
I do know this feel well, my advice is to find a significant other, if possible. It reignites your life in a way I didn't think possible.
>>25464775
>Why not become a soccer coach for some high school or middle school or something? Good way to do soccer without having to continue in the seemingly stressful system you're stuck in.
High school / middle school teams don't exist in Europe. I have thought about trying to get into management, but the only way to make a living from this is to be hired by a pro team, which is almost impossible if you weren't a pro player yourself, unless you're a fucking genius like Mourinho or something (which i'm most likely not).
>my advice is to find a significant other, if possible. It reignites your life in a way I didn't think possible
yep, i'm aware of that and i'm trying my best but i'm really insecure around girls so i don't get anything else than occasional hookups. Still think i'll turn it around someday, although i don't really see how as of yet.
>>25459758
I have something similar to this, except I never had to lock myself up. It all started after I smoked out of a gravity bong. Its been about 2 years and sometimes it doesn't affect me too much but lately it has. I feel you on the difficult concentration part, shit sucks.
>>25465148
Yeah that was probably the worst part for me because I'm very school oriented and was taking a full course load in a STEM major that semester, including one of the most difficult courses you can take. I would try to study and end up staring at my textbook for an hour. It's better now but I still have limits as to how long I can study without zoning out. How are you doing now?
>>25465475
If I focus on it I get extremely nervous. I start focusing on things not being real then I feel like the universe is going to swallow me whole, or things are going to disappear. I find that when I begin something, say a book, I have a very hard time focusing at first, having to push myself through pages, sometimes re-reading things, until I can get into a natural flow. Its a lot better than it was a year and a half ago.
>>25465719
Glad you're feeling better then. Are you on any meds? I was skeptical and really didn't want to take antipsychotics but they really help with my cognitive symptoms.
>>25465785
I'm not on any medicine, I've found keeping myself occupied has been enough. I've actually never told anyone about it, and if I didn't see your post I probably wouldn't have anytime in the near future.
>>25466088
It's good that you are able to manage without, I'd be dead if it weren't for my meds. Would've an heroed having to go through that much longer.
>>25461993
>>25463595
What was the situation with your family? Why were you homeless? What was the first thing you did to get out of the rut?
>>25463734
Describe your lifestyle and why it will limit your lifespan.
My story is probably not as bad as most.
Until recently, I thought my life was alright. I got out of high school with okayish grades, I got a drivers license, thanks to my kickass parents who payed for it and practiced with me. Havent managed to form any long friendships since we moved but I can talk and hang out with people no problem.
But then I got a taste of the job market. Fucking hell. If you dont have an education, years of experience or good connections, youre fucked.
I eventually decided I wanted to be a history teacher, since I was interested in working with kids, but after doing some research, looking at forecasts and statistics, talking with a student counsellor, its become clear that there are NO fucking jobs for that kind of teacher in my country. They mostly want math teachers, along with pre school teachers and some other kinds. I'll probably end up becoming a pre school teacher, since I dont have the brains for anything else. 3,5 years of education over here. Not my dream job but I might actually stand a chance at getting a job as one.
But even if I do, thats not the end of my worries. What if no one wants a male pre school teacher? Its apperantly better in my city than in most of the country, 8% male pre school teachers as opposed to the usual 3%, but still. What if I get accused of being a pedo?
I am terrified of not being able to get a job. Words cannot fucking describe how scared I am of being unemployed for a long time. I dont want to end up as one of those 30 year olds that still live with their parents. Parents told me that I have until I'm 27. Their tone seemed joking but I suspect it was at least somewhat serious.
If everything goes to hell, my "plan" is to give most of my shit, money and stocks to my parents, pack some bare essentials and a small amount of money and just become a wandering homeless guy. An exteme and cowardly reaction perhaps, but I strongly feel that I simply cannot live with my parents beyond a certain age.
